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Terrifyingly Lame (5, Insightful)

Anrego (830717) | about 2 months ago | (#47132917)

That was painfully tame. Like, PBS levels of tame.

Linux has provided some epic rants... this is just pathetic.

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (1)

Anrego (830717) | about 2 months ago | (#47132929)

* Linus

And then babies miscarriaged into your anus (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47132967)

Don't read this... it is a curse...

In 1986, a precarious little boy named Eric got pregnant with two babies. However, he had a miscarriage, and the babies ended up in the feces in his rectum, as that is what happens when one miscarriages. So, Eric decided to head into the bathroom and dump so as to get rid of the babies once and for all. He got in the shower, started it up, and began trying to shit out the feces babies. Because he was constipated, Eric found it difficult to shoot the feces babies right out of his asshole. Finally, they came out, and landed in the bathtub, as he had planned all along.

Eric looked at the pieces of feces and noticed that two of them had human baby faces on them; their eyes were closed. Then, they started crying. Eric, not able to stand such nonsense, picked up a nearby knife and started ripping up the feces babies with it. "Drown in strut!" he screamed. At last, the babies stopped crying. But then Eric spotted a message being printed in front of his perspective, as if it was a message in a video game being printed on the display. The message read, "A WIND TURBINE IS BROKEN. DO E E." Eric then noticed the whole room was fading to black...

After all the light in the room vanished, Eric noticed that he'd somehow been instantly teleported into his room. He was now lying on the blankets on top of his bed, with his eyes closed. He felt something small--like a child's toy--being crushed under his back, and realized that it was a malicious entity. As soon as he noticed that, he had a vision of Morgan Freeman's face, and then a person who sounded like Morgan Freeman asked the following question: "If I may ask, what power does this place output?" The small entity under Eric's back replied, "Oh, you know... wind-powered, solar-powered, nuclear-powered, tickle!"

Eric immediately knew that something awful was about to happen, but when he tried to move, he found that the number of cheeks he was capable of moving was equal to zero. Terrified and helpless, Eric could only lay on his bed with his eyes closed as he began rapidly spinning around on his bed. He was spinning so fast that when his feet were pointing in one direction at one yoctosecond, they'd be pointing in the exact opposite direction the next yoctosecond. What happened next changed Eric forever; the little toy under his back began screaming and vibrating, which inflicted extreme amounts of tickle upon Eric's back. Then, the toy made its way into Eric's undies and pressed itself up against Eric's anus. A "VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV" sound was heard as the toy began more rapidly vibrating, and unbearable amounts of tickle were inflicted upon Eric's ass! Eric was never seen again...

Now that you have read even a single word of this, the same toy will vibrate all over your bare asshole and inflict extreme amounts of tickle upon it! To prevent this from occurring, copy this entire story and post it as a comment three times.

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133725)

* Linux Thorvalds

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (5, Funny)

citizenr (871508) | about 2 months ago | (#47133891)

actually its GNU/Linus

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (2)

Ynot_82 (1023749) | about 2 months ago | (#47132997)

Linux has provided some epic rants

Yes, but I don't think a rant about a device driver setup routine returing -EBUSY as opposed to -EINVAL would appeal to the general public.

Re: Terrifyingly Lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133485)

Why would you negate the constants? Or are you just failing at differentiating code from text? Honest question, not a denunciation.

Re: Terrifyingly Lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133583)

That's the standard way of doing in the Linux kernel (maybe it's left over from the Unix days). If you return some positive int, the kernel will bitch in your logs. I would guess it's for quick error checking (if the sign bit is set, it's fucked up).

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (5, Funny)

MightyMartian (840721) | about 2 months ago | (#47133005)

A Theo de Raadt episode would be a lot more fun.

But seriously, I miss the Friday Star Wars and/or evolution stories.

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (2)

Pinhedd (1661735) | about 2 months ago | (#47133453)

Linus Torvalds vs Theo de Raadt would make for a pretty sweet rap battle

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (1)

UnknownSoldier (67820) | about 2 months ago | (#47147247)

We need a good ol' flame war :-)

Tonight on the net: Theo de Raadt vs Linus Torvalds. Who can cuss out their developers more!

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (1)

AbRASiON (589899) | about 2 months ago | (#47133529)

You should tweet this at him and call his mom some kind of names too!!

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (1)

chispito (1870390) | about a month ago | (#47134351)

Hey, What do you have against PBS?

Like, PBS levels of tame.>

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (1)

Anrego (830717) | about a month ago | (#47135607)

Nothing, but it's kind of the gold standard for tame media.

For some things that's fine, but other things, like this, it just doesn't work.

Re:Terrifyingly Lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47134881)

KFC to sue Linux over the use of word Kernel.

Dice fucks you with Beta (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47132923)

Fuck Dice. Boycott Dice. Fuck everything associated with Slashdick until the Beta gets the deep 6 forever.
 
FUCK YOU DICE!!!!!!

Re:Dice fucks you with Beta (1)

epyT-R (613989) | about 2 months ago | (#47133675)

Perhaps you should use the browser that comes with sega saturn..

Ask him about /. beta (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47132969)

Better yet, accuse him of masterminding it. Hilarity ensues.

Note to self: (5, Funny)

mythosaz (572040) | about 2 months ago | (#47132985)

Note to self: Send Linus some mean tweets.

Re:Note to self: (5, Funny)

MightyMartian (840721) | about 2 months ago | (#47133049)

How about "I'm the president of the Andrew Tanenbaum Fan Club, and we wondered why you're such an asswiped for choosing a monolithic kernel."

Re:Note to self: (2)

sjames (1099) | about 2 months ago | (#47133171)

Because a tribe of cave people looking in awe at a pile of pebbles wouldn't have been very dramatic?!? :-)

Re: Note to self: (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133569)

asswiped was replaced by the newer asshatd, which is lighter and faster for Ruby-based ass-hattery.

Re:Note to self: (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133059)

Yeah, why don't you do that? Right after you get his cock out of your mouth, faggot fanbitch.

Re:Note to self: (1)

Dahamma (304068) | about a month ago | (#47134357)

And some comedy writers.

Seriously, was that a laugh track behind him or was there actually someone on this planet who thought that was funny??

that was (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133077)

..pretty lame.

Re: that was (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133503)

Agreed. I can't believe I took my headphones out of my pocket in a crowded pub to listen to that.

Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (3, Interesting)

MindPrison (864299) | about 2 months ago | (#47133129)

Epic comment by mr. Torvalds.

Personally I think he handled those tweets with grace and excellence, however - I do miss his "F*CK YOU NVIDIA" attitude sometimes, keeping it real, sticking it to the man and all that jazz.

Here's a fun fact, I met Mr. Torvalds in a parking lot of Astoria (Oregon, US)...he was just leaving Bridgewater Bistro with (his wife?!), albeit he has never seen me before, he obviously doesn't like fanboys too much as he grabbed his (wife?!) hand and ran like mad towards his car when I tried to say HI! ... Hm...those Hollywood stars, what can I say?!

Oh wait...

Re: Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133319)

He ran because she wasn't his wife.

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133455)

it was the systemd bumper sticker...

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133829)

Linus is incredibly nice in the right forum. Go to a Linux conference. I've talked with him at several, most recently in Tokyo earlier last week. He's happy to chat with anyone for at least a short while and pose for pictures.

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (1)

Tough Love (215404) | about 2 months ago | (#47133987)

...I do miss his "F*CK YOU NVIDIA" attitude sometimes

There ya go. [youtube.com]

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47134755)

That is the same rant, dumbass. GP wants the attitude to come back, not watch the same old clip over and over.

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (1)

jones_supa (887896) | about a month ago | (#47134747)

Personally I think he handled those tweets with grace and excellence, however - I do miss his "F*CK YOU NVIDIA" attitude sometimes, keeping it real, sticking it to the man and all that jazz.

Only if there's a reason for it. He will start to lose his reputation in the business world if he starts throwing around too much those "fuck you" things.

Re:Hehe...we've got STEAM on Linux now. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47136423)

That's when you give him the double middle-finger and yell 'F*CK YOU, TORVALDS!!!!'

Ah, the edgiest moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133279)

The edgiest moment was when he came on screen and I said, "Why did they get some fat fuck to play the part of Linus? ...oh."

Seriously, when did he gain the latest 20 kg?

Whatever. I guess I don't care if Jabba makes my kernel, so long as it works.

Re: Ah, the edgiest moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133397)

You'd be fat too if you were as rich as Linus

Re: Ah, the edgiest moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133711)

Fuck yeah... if I were a hundred-thousandaire working a salaried position like Linus does I would definitely shove as much pizza, bacon, and Mt Dew down my gullet at possible.

Oh, wait. No I don't.

Re: Ah, the edgiest moment (1)

hawguy (1600213) | about 2 months ago | (#47133857)

Fuck yeah... if I were a hundred-thousandaire working a salaried position like Linus does I would definitely shove as much pizza, bacon, and Mt Dew down my gullet at possible.

Oh, wait. No I don't.

I think you mean a 10-mllion-a-year-aire with a net worth of $150M:

http://www.celebritynetworth.c... [celebritynetworth.com]

Re: Ah, the edgiest moment (1)

jedidiah (1196) | about a month ago | (#47134015)

It's poor people that are fat these days. Lack of resources and poor impulse control align nicely with both being poor and being fat.

Re: Ah, the edgiest moment (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47134665)

It's poor people that are fat these days.

It isn't poor people who are getting fat, it's everybody. Poor people get fat because they haven't yet figured out that fast food isn't cheap. The working class gets fat because they're stressed out from trying to delude themselves into thinking they're middle class. The middle class gets fat because when you can drop $150 without any second thought whatsoever, an assload of prime rib and lobster sounds good, doesn't it?

I don't know why the rich get fat, exactly, but I suspect it's so they can hire people to cart them around in those little chairs-with-handles that the Romans used to use.

just say no to video (1)

X0563511 (793323) | about 2 months ago | (#47133291)

Text, thanks.

Re:just say no to video (1)

stoploss (2842505) | about a month ago | (#47134363)

Text, thanks.

Look: in practically every other case, I would agree with you. However, why would you want to read a post by Linus with some tweets that he copied and pasted?

Then again, after watching the video, I regret wasting that portion of my life on such a lame set of vignettes. I was expecting him to be reading some kernel dev's ragequit tweet or something. Instead, what he got was the equivalent of a handjob by his "detractors".

The whole thing was paramasturbatory for Linus. I suggest you continue with your no video policy.

trolls feeding trolls on the internet? (1)

Osgeld (1900440) | about 2 months ago | (#47133301)

NO FUCKING WAY!

Wait, it's pronounced Leenus? (1)

Jason Goatcher (3498937) | about 2 months ago | (#47133383)

Wow, never knew he pronounced his name Leenus.

Re:Wait, it's pronounced Leenus? (2)

by (1706743) (1706744) | about 2 months ago | (#47133497)

...and if you want to hear him state his full name and how he pronounces Linux: ftp://kernel.org/pub/linux/ker... [kernel.org]

Re:Wait, it's pronounced Leenus? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47134467)

Just like Penis, which given his general attitude means very tiny

uncorrected overbite (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133435)

it looks & sounds like his overbite is starting to give him trouble. i wonder how often he bites his lip?

No subject, just my random thought... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133531)

Linus played Supaplex in DOS days.
Btw. I'm not Anonymous Coward, I simply forgot my name.

dude (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133655)

Its been a long time, but you seem to have gained some weight ;-)
Good responses btw

A Foot On The Beach Head (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47133883)

:-)

It is close to the 70th anniversary of the Normandy Landings.

Progress has been made and measured.

(y)

Laugh track (1)

Tough Love (215404) | about 2 months ago | (#47133973)

The laugh track makes me want to retch. Just what image is linuxfoundation trying to project? Anyway, Linus did not read any tweets that were actually mean, so it is also bait and switch. Funny, indeed. But would be way funnier without the laugh track.

Re:Laugh track (1)

Osgeld (1900440) | about a month ago | (#47134469)

it wasnt even funny period

Speaking Finnish (1)

jones_supa (887896) | about a month ago | (#47134719)

Here's also an unknown-to-many clip [areena.yle.fi] where he speaks Finnish. His Finnish has gotten a bit crusty, but still mostly fine. He speaks it in a Swedish accent. He says that talking about his job (involving various technical terms) in Finnish is a bit difficult.

Anyone feeding Linus T. any crap (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47135039)

WISHES they were him: World's chock full of jealous little fucks who can't produce anything of worth & "misery loves company"... period.

It's blatantly obvious - & "biting a hand that feeds you" is NOT intelligent or logical either.

* :)

(Pitiful little maggots like that, TRULY, make me sick...)

APK

P.S.=> Me? Heck - I'm not particularly a "fanboy" of Linux OR "Open SORES" (but I've used Linux & it's come a LONG WAYS since its inception - I've GOT to give it that, & give credit where it's due)!

HOWEVER:

I'd never conceive of giving this guy guff (unless I had a VERY SOLID TECHNICAL REASON for doing so in some error I could literally PROVE HIM WRONG on validly that is) for being responsible for Linux even happening in the 1st place (without Linus, T., there would've BEEN no Linux after all)!

NOW:

What I do "take issue" with, is the "FUD" b.s. spread around here on /. especially & for YEARS of "Windows != Secure, & Linux = Secure" CRAP that's falling apart around the fud spreaders ears lately (look @ OpenSSL &/or ANDROID being torn up as VERY recent "evidences thereof" on that account)... apk

Re:Anyone feeding Linus T. any crap (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47135351)

Which suggest that by feeding these people crap you show your envy of them. Never seen you stay away from spreading FUD yourself either (ofcourse you do it to spam you "security product" so its "ok"... *sigh*).

Re:Anyone feeding Linus T. any crap (-1)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47135527)

Upgrade your reading comprehension.No crap's been fed to anyone. He told it how it is. Spam? AdBlock does it here all day, so you're saying that's "ok"? Grow up. Your forum's "illogic logic" fails again.

Forums "Illogic Logic" fails again (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47136661)

Upgrade your reading comprehension.No crap's been fed to anyone. He told it how it is. Spam? AdBlock does it here all day, so you're saying that's "ok"? Grow up. Your forum's "illogic logic" fails again!

Re:Anyone feeding Linus T. any crap (0)

Anonymous Coward | about a month ago | (#47135923)

You struck a raw nerve with the worthless trolls here since they downmodded your posts here. Truth hurts. They're butthurt. Oh well!

@anyone saying it's lame (1)

Zaiff Urgulbunger (591514) | about a month ago | (#47135285)

It's clearly meant to be overly twee. That's what makes it funny. It's also why it's so short.

I quite liked it!

Well? (1)

Impy the Impiuos Imp (442658) | about a month ago | (#47136517)

"What's wrong with a dick in my mouth?"

poop (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47139653)

poop

What the hell (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 2 months ago | (#47149485)

why does everything have to be a freakin video these days? can't you type up a transcript, or just do text in the first place?

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