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New Definition of 'Laser Paper'

michael posted more than 12 years ago | from the mirror-mirror-on-the-wall dept.

Science 8

Judebert writes: "Berkeley Lab engineers have developed a laser system to measure the elasticity of paper as it whizzes by at 65 mph on a conveyor belt. The benefit is environmental and business savings: paper makers don't have to downgrade a whole roll of paper or use extra pulp (with all the nasty side-effects) to achieve desired paper qualities."

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The Death of Slashdot (-1)

ringbarer (545020) | more than 12 years ago | (#3093852)

I wouldn't pay for this shit. I don't think ANYONE with half a brain would.

An explanation: I used to be a good, noble poster. Carefully wording every article to provide insight and wisdom to my fellow posters. Slowly, I acculumated karma, giving me the artificial peer respect that made such things worthwhile. Yes, I knew that karma is an arbitary value, but it made my contributions worthwhile.

And then one day I got bored. It was an article about European Patents I think. Something dull and boring... I think I got the first 15 or so posts on that one as an AC. It was fun.

In the end, the article accumulated a grand total of 2 relevant posts, the remainder offtopic. One of the irrelevant posts that I made was a couple of paragraphs under the title of the Linux Gay Conspiracy.

To my surprise, my post was followed up by other suggestions as to the latent homosexuality contained within the Open Sauce movement. And I felt encouraged. So I gathered together these additions, made some of my own, and kept posting.

And posting. And posting. Every sick, depraved act I could think of was included. Before long, the LGC grew to be one of the most comprehensive documents detailing the carnality and perversity of the IT industry. And, be honest now, it was funny. Crude and childish, but funny. A necessary counterpart to the morbid seriousness of some of the other posters.

In the meantime, I carried on with my regular account, posting away. Being diligent in my real contributions to the community. And then the main account got bitchslapped.

What was the need for that? Did it act as a deterrent to the anonymous trolling? Of course not. If anything, it just demonstrated the petty minded fascism of the Slashdot editors. The LGC was posted at '0', usually modded down within seconds. Wasn't that enough for them, to know that such a posting would disappear into the ghetto?

Of course, the LGC has now taken a life of its own, and my original account got back up to an acceptable karma level. Mainly by whoring and cutting and pasting high scoring posts on previous articles. Originality is discouraged by the Slashdot gestalt after all.

After a while, I strived for a new challenge, or failing that an excuse to spout obscenties like some Tourette's induced retard. Hence the birth of ringbarer. Suddenly, Slashdot has become an enjoyable experience again.

For all the wrong reasons.

So no, I won't be paying for Slashdot. I'll be installing junkbuster instead. Let the site fall to the fucking ground. It is, after all, symbolic of the crumbling OSS empire, where everything is free until they force you to pay for it.

My gift to the Trolling community? The Linux Gay Conspiracy v2.0. With even filthier acronyms and anagrams.


Resultant paper (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3094233)

This isn't going to improve paper quality in the least. All it does is allow manufacturers more precise control over how much pulp is actually necessary to meet Federal guidelines.

Perhaps European parents find this kind of story interesting...

Yet another mastercard joke (5, Funny)

smoondog (85133) | more than 12 years ago | (#3094304)

One acre of forest: $25,000

Three lumberjacks and a Mill worker: $125,000/year

Machine for Laser Identifying Paper Quality: $250,000

Wiping your ass with the finest toilet paper ever made: priceless

similar system for steel (3, Interesting)

morcheeba (260908) | more than 12 years ago | (#3096133)

I applied for a job at a company that did a similar thing for rolled steel... the feedback from the device would adjust the rollers so that a consistant thickness was achieved. I didn't take the job, but it's funny to think of how dangerous it could have been:

1. The sensor is radiation-based... it takes a significant amount of radiation to penetrate the steel (radiation exposure badges required)
2. The metal is thin and sharp, not to mention large and heavy.
3. It's moving at very high speed.
4. for some reason I never found out, it's covered in a thin layer of acid.

An acid-covered-high-speed-knife soaking in radiation. Could get painful. But the device worked really well, I'm told. Glad to see it used with paper, where you can't take rejects and recycle them to back to the same quality.

The article lies! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3097138)

It claims the method is nondestructive, then goes onto to explain how a pulsed ND:YAG laser is used to ablate (I.e. PLASMATIZE!) a tiny spot of paper to create shockwaves through the material!

If they want to say that it doesn't harm the commercial viability of the product, then fine.. But they outright lied, and it was made all the worse by their later discussion of using the technique on other materials (which may not be so tolerant to being spot vaporized!).

Paper (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3097709)

They would be able to more easily recycle the mistakes if they used hemp instead of tree's. Hemp paper can be recycled several more times than traditional paper. Hemp the Linux of the plant world !

How paper mills work (3, Informative)

meridoc (134765) | more than 12 years ago | (#3098094)

at Kimberly-Clark (maker of Kleenex, Cottonelle, Scott, etc.) one summer, as an intern.

When creating "new and improved" products, paper makers use all sorts of tests to measure the properties of the paper (like shear, bending stiffness, softness tests, and so on). These tests are done on small samples first (created in a laboratory!). If the product passes inspection, it is then taken to a trial mill (like the one used in this article), which is a relatively small machine. If the product holds up through that test, it is then finally taken to the actual mills for production.

The tests done in the full-sized mills (since the product is, ideally, already formulated correctly through all the primary steps), are to check quality.

I don't see how this will save money or trees; it may catch the errors (big holes in the sheet, too thin/thick, not strong enough) earlier, but the already-generated paper cannot be used again in that mill (it has to go to a mill that is equipped for recycling). Granted, a whole roll won't have to be thrown out, but the time in changing the rolls will still cost production time and money.

Hemp (1)

SnoopDobb (204814) | more than 12 years ago | (#3099498)

Uhh.. We could just use hemp paper. More efficient use of land, resources... Cheaper to produce... Less noxious chemicals and toxic leftovers to be disposed of...

Nah.. Let's just try harder to get this paper pulp thing working... Blech
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