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Most Outrageous Vendor Lie Ever Told?

michael posted more than 12 years ago | from the dilbert-moments dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 1314

i8msft writes "CIO published a guide on How To Cut Through Vendor Hype. While light, the article did prompt me to wonder what is the most outrageous lie ever told by a vendor? I mean, in person, face to face, preferably with witnesses (boss, coworkers, someone on your side of the fence). Forget press releases, trade show presentations and the like, where they lie like dogs! Specific examples only, please."

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1314 comments

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Kikes 'n' coons (-1)

Fecal Troll Matter (445929) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217400)

Yes, this FP was brought to you by kikes and coons.

Re:Kikes 'n' coons (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217435)

(to the toon of kibbles n bits)

kikes n coons n coons n coons

kikes n coons n coons n coons

FP (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217405)

First Post

Racism on Debian? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217460)

Debian Bug report logs - #17,654,548,095 irssi-scripts: inappropriate racist and other offensive material

Message received at submit@bugs.debian.org:

Subject: irssi-scripts: inappropriate racist and other offensive material
To: submit@bugs.debian.org

Package: irssi-scripts
Version: 2
Severity: important

The following racist comments have been found in the irssi-scripts package:

WHITE POWER!!!!

Kill the Jew. The jew flithy jew is working to keep our country down.

Italians are hairy filthy degenerate race. I hear they all have nigger blood in them

Japs: they have buck teeth, they keep America down, they have small penises

When will we nuke China? It's about time we exterminated those smelly backstabbing chinks!

I hate the Greeks! They are swarthy boy-fucking apes!

We must eliminate the Tutsi scum! With our machetes we will make our land clean of the Tutsi vermin!

Norwegians are worse than animals. All they do is eat lutefisk and rape their daughters.

There is no excuse for racism in Debian.

-- System Information
Debian Release: 3.0
Kernel Version: Linux phoenix 2.4.18 #1 Sun Mar 3 20:15:51 UTC 2002 i586 unknown

Uh, he is running windows. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217407)

This big loser is running windows (a Microsoft product) on his "b0x".

I cannot believe this got a front page story on slashdot.

Is this even an opensource project? Where can I download the sourcecode? I dont see it anywhere.

Slashdot sells out again.

Re:Uh, he is running windows. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217421)

there needs to be a linux only plugin for slashdot. put the goddamn DMCA or some patent shit to work to keep it off of wintrash platform. then you gotta use linux! none of this riffraff crap

Re:Uh, he is running windows. (4, Insightful)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217472)

I got news for ya. You actually can do stuff with Windows. The vast majority of problems with the WinNT line (Win9X is horrid and i won't defend it at all) has nothing to do with Windows itself.

I realize I'm going to draw criticism for this, seeing as how apparently some people have issues with Win2k. My perspective on this is from being the assistant-administrator for my office of around 17 or so. Almost everybody is on Win2k, I think one person is on 98. Other than a minor issue with an old laptop having difficulty going into standby mode (a bios flash fixed this), I've had no Windows or even Microsoft related problems to report. The problems that do come up are nearly always the fault of the company making the software. Netscape, for example, doesn't like to stay running for an entire day without crashing at least once. That's not a Windows problem. Netscape has never been known for its stability on any platform.

In any case, MS certainly kept their promise of greater stability with Windows 2k, and I am very glad that we upgraded the whole office to it.

Let me give you a piece of advice, though. Do some research before you make a switch like that. Go to www.deja.com, for example, to see what people have to say about a product. If they say it sucks, then keep that in mind. Find out why. We didn't go to 2K until we had tested it on a few machines. We didn't buy it based on a vendor promise. We certainly aren't running MS servers, we're running Linux there. We know better because we looked into it. It is a lot harder to be succeptable to vendor lies when you do reasearch like this.

Re:Uh, he is running windows. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217498)

Good way to stick to the subject at hand Bill...

Re:Uh, he is running windows. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217518)

Yes, I must say I have not had a blue screen of death yet with Windows2000. I have however had many black screens of death.

Heh modded off topic. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217557)

Why do I have the feeling the 'off topic' mod was simply because I didn't say Microsoft sucks? Never mind that I gave some seriously useful advice about how to not get screwed by a vendor...

YHBT. YHL. HAND. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217577)

Sad but true, dude.

What is CIO? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217411)

I don't want to sound like an idiot, but could someone please tell me what CIO is?

Re:What is CIO? (1, Offtopic)

BenTheDewpendent (180527) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217419)

Cheif Information Officer
or something like that...

Re:What is CIO? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217430)

Read the damn article, moron.

Re:What is CIO? (2, Insightful)

rewdy (162027) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217461)

CIO = Chief Information Officer.

the purpose of a CIO is to advice and assist his/her supervisors and other senior managers to ensure that information technology is acquired and information resources are managed in a manner that implements the policies and procedures established by that corporation.

</learnin'>

Microsoft! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217413)

MS once told our company that its operating systems were reliable, stable, and powerful. What a fucken whopper! Hehehehehehe. Anyway we switched to Linux and IT'S ALL GOOD.

You shoulda tried Windows 2000 then. (1, Offtopic)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217418)

We have it deployed at our office. It's stable, easy to maintain, and nobody ever manages to break it.

Re:You shoulda tried Windows 2000 then. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217425)

We're running red hat 8.0 .. SMOOOOOOOOTH

Also we are a unix development shop, so it would be silly to use Windows

Re:You shoulda tried Windows 2000 then. (0)

oktokie (459163) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217451)

You silly boy!
Windows does not have built in capability to logon. Windows merely lets you share a file system and that's about all it does. That's why windows system admin is always on the run...looking for desktop's location. Now, that's silly.

Oktokie

Re:You shoulda tried Windows 2000 then. (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217452)

yeah. escept for the fact that windows fucking sucks to administer, and so you do. you sell your soul to artificial boundaries they create. why do you think you have to reboot 8000 times?

Re:You shoulda tried Windows 2000 then. (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217542)

Where are you getting your stupid information?

"yeah. escept for the fact that windows fucking sucks to administer" -- Are you kidding? I don't even have to go to a command prompt to fix anybody's problem with 2K!

"you sell your soul to artificial boundaries they create" -- I've never said "Gee, I can't do that." in Win2k. Sounds like you've never used it.

"why do you think you have to reboot 8000 times?" -- With Windows NT, you had to reboot every time you did a network change etc, I agree with you there. 2k is not like that. I haven't rebooted my computers at home, or my computers at work (2 each) in over a week. Gee, I guess I'm not rebooting '8000 times'. I won't even reboot 800 times by the time the year is over.

Maybe you should try doing a little research before you spout off anti-MS garbage at me. So far, you just sound like an idiot.

Troll? (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217431)

This post mindlessly bashes Microsoft, advocates Linux, and has misspelled words and profanity. I'm surprised Slashcode's internal checks didn't auto-moderate this up to 5, Informative.

Re:Troll? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217467)

what the fuck is wrong with profanity? just using more words in the english language to express yourself. sounds like you'd be foolish not to.

and the only reason for the windows bashing is because someone here supported it. they're the troll.

My Vote: (5, Funny)

JoeLinux (20366) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217416)

"Duke Nukem will be out by the end of the year. No, we promise. Not lying this time!"

JoeLinux

Re:My Vote: (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217422)

my vote: Romero / Daikatana

Re:My Vote: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217433)

Amen to that

Also

Tiberian Sun was at least 5 years overdue, IIRC

Re:My Vote: (1, Redundant)

Magila (138485) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217454)

How about: "Daikatana won't suck. We swear!"

Re:My Vote: Windows (1, Redundant)

56ker (566853) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217552)

How about :
This time our OS won't cr....
Abort, retry, or ignore?

My Vote: (1)

maniac1860 (567470) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217503)

"Team Fortress 2 will only be avaliable as an expansion pack for the soon-to-be-released Half Life." Complete with screenshots.

One Word... (5, Funny)

Moonshadow (84117) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217420)

Daikatana.

Re:One Word... (1)

GearheadX (414240) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217432)

I think this one wins hand down in the gaming lies category. Daikatana has to be one of the most overhyped, underpowered, broken and wrong pieces of gaming software I've seen in a long time. But... What about other vendor lies, outside the realm of games?

Mandrake (3, Funny)

athakur999 (44340) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217426)

Mandrake, regarding the Mandrake Club:

"All membership levels enjoy the same benefits."

Now it's "almost the same benefits".

Re:Mandrake (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217497)

Oh get off it. The whole point of the Mandrake Club in the first place was to allow contributions. If you contribute and get something in return, all the better. If you contribute even more and get even more in return, well heck, that's even better.

yawnmoth (1, Insightful)

yawnmoth (534382) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217427)

FIRST OFF, DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEAR OR READ (UNLESS IT'S IN CIO) sounds to me like they should teach us how to cut through their own hype as well!

We make a secure Operating System (2, Funny)

microbob (29155) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217428)

We make a secure Operating System
- Microsoft

Re:We make a secure Operating System (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217455)

There are no bugs in the code.

Sun ad in Unix Review in the mid 90s

Panasonic key phone systems (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217468)

They're easy to install, a snap to program, and you can expand them any time, and we can do it for less than $4000.

An outrage on all counts. And a rip off. Stick with whatever Lucent calls its phones these days.

Re:We make a secure Operating System (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217477)

"Windows is more secure than Linux"

Microsoft after IIS hack allows hackers to post porn on my employer's web site.

Re:We make a secure Operating System (5, Informative)

xmedar (55856) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217509)

Thats pitiful, I remember a former company I worked for spending many many thousands on being a member of MSDN so we could get access to "All the latest info", and surprise! When we needed docs for all those undocumented APIs, they told us to buy a source code licence, forgeting that they had already told us we would have access to the info we wanted through MSDN, they wanted an extra $500K if I recall, and I know of others this happened to, but somehow I can't see a line-item on any M$ accounts that says "Fraud"

Re:We make a secure Operating System (3, Insightful)

Ruliz Galaxor (568498) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217562)

Hmmz... this remembers me of Oracle saying that it was impossible to hack them. Yeah, gimme a break, after two weeks 4-8 bugs detected.

Cigarettes (2, Offtopic)

papasui (567265) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217429)

"Cigarettes don't kill people."

Re:Cigarettes (0, Flamebait)

dagoalieman (198402) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217548)

They don't. People kill themselves, by choosing to smoke them, and to continue doing so.

"Guns kill people." Same case. It's not the gun, it's the person using it.

.

The Biggest Lie (4, Funny)

RobertTaylor (444958) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217434)

"Easy self assemble...."

best lie (5, Funny)

imsirovic5 (542929) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217438)

"This new Athlon XP 2100+ with 512 megs of ram 160 GIG HD, G-force 4, DVD rewritable will help you get laid!" It was a cruel lie! I will never believe salesman again ;o(

Re:best lie (5, Funny)

phalse phace (454635) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217504)

"This new Athlon XP 2100+ with 512 megs of ram 160 GIG HD, G-force 4, DVD rewritable will help you get laid!"

You mean you didn't get that hint? You fool, you could've had him. He wanted you,... BAD!

Re:Good point.... (1)

josh crawley (537561) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217530)

You unknowingly brought up a good point. The Athlon PR rating is a great example of corporate Bull Shit. AMD was screaming and yelling when they broke the 1gHz barrier. Now they're stuck at something like 1433 mHz but they compare at 2.2 gHz P4. They just call thier chip Athlon 2200 XP.

note: even though I'm blasting Athlon and AMD, even an overclocked p4 at 3.5 gHz still can't beat a new Athlon. I'm just pissed that AMD does idiotic PR crap when thier prices and speeds sell thier chips.

Not exactly worst lie, but most stupid sales pitch (3, Funny)

Large Green Mallard (31462) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217439)

I work at a university. We have two buildings, a new one build in 95, and an old one built in the 70s. The old building has mostly practical classrooms in it, or clean rooms and labs. Probably has about 20 people work in the building regularlly, with a lab eating 35 in it too.

We currently run 100M fibre to the lab, and 2 x 100M fibre to the rest of the building, which itself is overkill. We had a vendor trying to sell us single mode fibre "so we could do 10Gb ethernet" between the two buildings.

Like, nice try but hmm, no not really, really, I think SDH/SONET between the two buildings would be overkill :)

Re:Not exactly worst lie, but most stupid sales pi (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217463)

You can run at least Gigabit over your existing (I'm guessing multimode) fiber if you wanted to.

Re:Not exactly worst lie, but most stupid sales pi (2)

austad (22163) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217516)

Both Cisco and Foundry are releasing 10Gb ethernet soon, if it's not out already. Take a look at their sites.

Re:Not exactly worst lie, but most stupid sales pi (2, Funny)

Loligo (12021) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217571)

>with a lab eating 35 in it too

And just what kind of research ARE you doing in there?

-l

Anonymous? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217440)

And what keeps VALinux/Slashdot from disclosing my IP address if a vendor gets pissed??

Right - nothing.

Re:Anonymous? (1)

josh crawley (537561) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217470)

The amount of money the vendor offers for your info.... VA Linux won't _just_ give it away.

Re:Anonymous? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217490)

the fact that you don't have a good story, fuckface.

Blatant Lie In the Product Name itself (5, Funny)

user32.ExitWindowsEx (250475) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217443)

Microsoft Works

I know it's overused, but hey it's valid.

We had a sales man from ... (5, Informative)

crovira (10242) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217444)

Wang Mini Computer Systems sell a top of the l;ive 2200 system and neglect to tell the guy he sold it to, a drug store owner, that it had to be programmed.

The guy took it, put in a wood shed out behing his little counrtyu drugstore and left it there for a couple of years until it finally got reposessed and made its way to our software firm where we were programming Wang 2200 machine (in BASIC. :-)

I met that salesman and he was an absolute sleaze.

Talk about selling a pig in a poke.

Re:We had a sales man from ... (5, Funny)

Magila (138485) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217473)

I don't know if I could ever trust a company with the word "Wang" in it's name.

Re:We had a sales man from ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217480)

Hey, its better than a Mini Wang.

Re:We had a sales man from ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217494)

One word... (5, Funny)

mikeage (119105) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217446)

Slashcode. ;)

His name was Xenu. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217449)

This comment contained copyrighted text and was removed at the request of the copyright owner [slashdot.org] under the terms of the DMCA.

i own (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217458)

The ownage on this server is impressive. You people know how to get owned and get owned good. You guys get owned so well that it has inspired a poem in me. Here it is. I hope you enjoy it. It's called 'ode to ownage'.

So you were owned
Well that's too bad
Your ass was kicked
And I am glad
You were beaten
It made you sad
You went and cried
To mom and dad

cry baby, cry
cry baby, cry
cry baby, cry
cry baby, cry

owned

IBM once told me.. (2, Funny)

digitalsushi (137809) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217465)

This one time on slashdot, there was this IBM ad... they were cocky enough to claim that they could BOX HACKERS OUT and still manage to BUILD TRUST IN.

Vendor Lie (2, Funny)

Metrollica (552191) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217466)

For the entire software industry:

"It's not a bug, it's a feature."

sure that feature will be fixed next release... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217469)

was fed that line by the support guys for a certain FEA package then next release the fix was to eradicate any trace of said feature. Guess i cant complain about it not working any more tho.

How about... (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217475)

the Mircosoft/Korn shell incident. Classic

Chain of [Flash] Fools (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217476)

This is actually a multiparter. The vendor basically said that:
  • if the client wanted to have an up-to-date, respectable website, it must have pull-down menus;
  • if they wanted pull-down menus, they must do it in Macromedia Flash; and
  • if they wanted Flash to work on their website, they must switch to Cold Fusion Server.
The vendor was a Macromedia shop with over a dozen employees; they are now out of business.

Sun Whoppers (1, Troll)

pnatural (59329) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217478)

Java is a Systems Language.

Java Community Program is open.

Java is a Standard.

and my favorite:

Java is Object Oriented.

Re:Sun Whoppers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217573)

why is parent modded up?

because all fuckwit moderators are l33t

90 days till you're up and running... (1)

Dr_Bones (125791) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217483)

...followed by an army of vendor-supplied consultants who barely know their name. 2 years later, the project is still on hold.

things _not_ told. (2, Informative)

Bender Unit 22 (216955) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217484)

The ones that I hate the most, are the things not told. But where everything is set up so that it suggests, and you assume, that there's features that's not really there.
Fx. when comparisons or references to similar products are made and you assume that it has the same features as the other product. And sometimes features gets the same descriptions but it turns out to be a poor substitute.

Like when a certain software company's whitepapers for a product, claims it can to the same as the competition. When the boss buys it and you get to install it, you discover that it indeed are capable of doing the same things. The only catch is that it is implemented very poorly, but hey, das blinking lights are all in place.

Vendors? Lie?! (-1)

NowIveSeenItAllGuy (236625) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217487)

Now I've seen it all!

Microsoft (0, Troll)

56ker (566853) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217491)

Windows 95 is bug-free.... Then when Windows 98 came out We have fixed 7000 bugs since Windows 95 (keep going... keep going) :o)

Oracle (1, Funny)

Metrollica (552191) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217500)

Oracle: Unbreakable

it was an oxymoron... (-1, Redundant)

wildcard023 (184139) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217502)

Microsoft Works...

--
Mike Nugent

"Yes, we are J2EE compatible" (3, Funny)

pivo (11957) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217507)

This claim was made by a salesman to a non-tech potential client at a company I was visiting. The product had nothing to do with J2EE. The salesperson's rationalization for his misinformation was that their product didn't prevent you from running J2EE applications and therefore was compatible.

"dont worry..." (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217510)

"I won't come in your mouth..."

What an asshole...

Airport Security Machine Vendor (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217511)

Says these pictures:

http://www.rapiscan.com/documents/Secure.htm

are X-rays.

3 lies.. (5, Funny)

laserweasel (568666) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217513)

"I'm sorry you're having problems, ma'am. Our computers are reliable and we rarely recieve customer complaints." - Me when I worked for Dell.

Song: "The Reviewer" (3, Funny)

Seth Finkelstein (90154) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217514)

A funny excerpt from http://www.networkcomputing.com/705/705song2.html [networkcomputing.com] :
We are just reviewers,

And the vendors, without fail,
Try to tear down our resistance,
With an avalanche of vapor,
Such are promises.
All lies and jest,
Still we only hear what we need to hear,
And we decide who's best.
...
Lie, lie, lie.
Gosh they vendors, how they lie.
See them cry,
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie

Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org) [sethf.com]

Re:Song: "The Reviewer" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217576)

Hey, aren't you the freak that's stalking Michael [stalkedbyseth.com] ?

NEC (2)

Emugamer (143719) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217515)

I'm sure some of you have purchased PBXs for your works at one time or another so let me tell you my little story.

Around 18 months ago it was announced that we were merging with a larger non profit in a way to save on administrative costs amoung other things... IT was not really talked to for the majority of the merger talks but then when it was announced, we had to come in and clean the mess. 18 months later everything is fine (replaced ageing computers and cut 1/2 the IT staff) but the PBX system in the meantime was a hassle and a 1/2. Some idiot suggested that for the 10 months that we were in 3 "campuses" that we needed to switch to a single vendor integrated solution. Alright I'll admit it, the idiot was me. But it was a good idea, most people didn't relate to anyone else in the other agency and getting on an integrated phone/computer system would help bridge some of the problems. The problem was the vendors... Computersystems were easy, we would do all the implementation so all we had to do was buy hardware... so we spend 100,000 on some new dells that have been the most reliable machines I have ever seen, no upkeep in terms of hardware and have only had to reinstall one machine. Now to the PBX system... ugh... I probably spent 160 hours talking to different vendors with their great supre fix all solution that in the mean time would save us 20k a year....
Alright the pitch was good, but there is a catch right? right? of course.. the salesman low balled the equipment price in order to make the sale and therefor wasn't to stringent on how the install went. so after the install was complete, we spent around 35k in service calls getting the system to where it needs to be and what was actually bid. Lawsuits are in the works but its most likely not worth it....

XBox (4, Funny)

ksb (517539) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217521)

The guy in my local computer games store telling me I should replace my ps2 with an XBox because 'Microsoft are far more reliable at fixing bugs and delivering patches' and apparently 'No, they wouldn't charge gamers for said updates or release an in-compatible games box in 6 months to replace it'

Microsoft Lies (5, Informative)

Tim Macinta (1052) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217529)

I've assembled a few of Microsoft's most outrageous lies at:
They've really churned out more material than I can keep track of (I have a large back-log of links to add to this list), but there are some good ones there. The funniest one on the list (IMO) is the interview where Bill Gates is quoted as saying Microsoft software has no bugs.

recipes (1)

56ker (566853) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217532)

When they say on the back of packets - only takes twenty minutes - it'll only take twenty minutes if you have the shopping delivered to the door, have an oven that preheats instantly and someone to prepare all the ingredients for you!

write your own operating system ... (5, Funny)

beanerspace (443710) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217537)

Yup, that's what the salesman told us back in 1984 or 1985 in some computer store downtown NYC.

My friend/co-worker, Mike X. decided to go to CompuLand or something like that, to see the new line of PC clones. When we got to the store, someone straight out of Saturday Night Fever began to pitch us a system with the integrity of a used car salesmen.

When we started asking questions about the operating system, he perceptively asked us, with a wonderfully Broolynese accent "... you guys are programmers, right ?"

He went on, now with a bit of body English "... well I'm a programmer, you're a programmer ... you know ... you can write your own operating system ... I did."

Appearently Mike had the same thought at the same moment I did ... only he voice his "... hey, if you can write an operating system, what are you doing here ?"

Needless to say, the salesguy left us alone from therein.

At Comdex (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217539)

There was some software engineering app out there. I asked the people about it and they claimed it could detect infinite loops in code without running the code. I asked them if it could detect all infinite loops, they said yes.

If you know anything about decidability and undecidability you'd know they were full of crap.

Number of users and what users are doing (3, Interesting)

sourcehunter (233036) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217544)

Company providing a huge piece of software for one of my clients - "It has been tested and we have X (don't remember exact number - greater than 5) using it remotely." We ask - how? Terminal services? VPN? PCA? "Oh directly over the network, some via a 56k dialup". Uh huh. Most were using PCA (unacceptable for my client's applications). None were using terminal services, and none had implemented the package in anywhere but the home office.

I had to write a special app just to get it to work on terminal server. Running it over a Point to Point T1 line was too slow, so even the folks in customer's biggest remote office (connected via the FULL point-to-point T1) have to use terminal services.

Same company: oh, sure the database is stable. And the ODBC driver works well.

FEH

Can't complain too much - their bugs keeps my company busy and hence well paid.

Apple takes the crown (-1, Troll)

quantax (12175) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217546)

Personally, I think Apple takes the crown for advertising the Mac as being 2x faster than PCs. Though they dont technically lie, the way they present their data is the same thing, and 95% of people do not read the legal text on the bottom of the pretty graphs that says 'Determined with a a suite of photoshop tests'. I have to hand it to apple, they have some of the best PR and advertising people out there; after all, who else could sell hardware thats 6+ months behind PC, present it as spanking new with a $2k+ price tag! For some reason people see Apple as being a good corperation, not like the evil variety such as MS; they pay their PR people good money to keep up the facade. The mac is definately double plus good. No really.

When service would be available. (4, Funny)

ipsuid (568665) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217547)

A few months ago I moved to where I currently live. I called Comcast (the only cable company choice here) and asked if cable modems were available. After getting my address the service rep on the line replied "Absolutely. Would you like to setup cable service now?"

Happy, I went through the process of setting up an account. I was told that once the cable was installed, I could call back and setup the cable modem account.

A week later, cable installed, I call back. "Sorry, they aren't available yet". hmm. I asked when they would be. "Next week." I was disappointed, but hey, only a week.

I called back a week later. Now it was a month. I called back a month later, now they weren't sure, and I got a "Well, people in that call center don't know what they are talking about."

Two months later I call back. Still not available. By this point I had DSL installed (a whole 'nother story). I made one final call to get them to remove service (The only reason I got it to begin with was because of the cable modem!)

BTW, the whole time this was going on, several neighbors and I were all getting fliers from Comcast to sign up for cable modem service.

Most outrageous. (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217549)

"Sure! We can meet that requirement. No extra charge."

After the meeting: "So what did I promise him?"

And the reverse... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3217550)

as a person working for a company, what is the biggest lie a customer has told to you?

And how deep a hole have they dug themselves with their lies before backing down?

yes, (1)

llamalicious (448215) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217554)

our product is totally Y2K compliant.

The one we've all heard (1)

AntiChristX (458328) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217559)

If you sacrifice your pay for stock options, you're going to retire a millionaire!

How many times did you believe that one from a vendor? I am ashamed to report I heard, and believed it, three times. Today, I enjoy many hours of quality free time, sitting at home, hoping the recruiters call. Please call.

Bill Gates (1, Funny)

phalse phace (454635) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217560)

"640K of memory should be enough for anybody."

Printer Commercial (2, Funny)

tiltowait (306189) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217561)

A recent commercial for a color printer had someone saying something like:
'actually, there's a printer out there that [....] is cheaper than 90% of the printers on the market.'

And everyone seemed amazed.

Dont forget "Real Soon Now" (3, Interesting)

Evil Pete (73279) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217570)

And who can forget the Ashton-Tate PR guy who stated for the press that DBase IV would be out "Real soon now". Didn't come out for another 18 months. Unwittingly coined a classic description of vapourware. In fact I gotta feeling that debacle was also one of the first instances of the term "vapourware".
Basic lesson , don't trust them ... even if its in writing.

Bill Gates (0, Redundant)

Ruliz Galaxor (568498) | more than 12 years ago | (#3217575)

"640k should be enough for anybody."
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