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CPAN Shifts Focus

CmdrTaco posted about 12 years ago | from the java-means-quality-if-you're-on-crack dept.

Java 220

cascadefx writes "Looks like CPAN has changed its focus to support Java now. A look at their page shows that is is now CJAN, the Comprehensive Java Archive Network where you will find all things Java." This should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking. But at the expense of the greatest of all languages? It's just too sad for me to express in words. I mean, who uses java anyway?

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220 comments

make it stop! (4, Insightful)

SnicklesTheElf (312850) | about 12 years ago | (#3267090)

please god make it stop!!

Re:make it stop! (1)

iconian (222724) | about 12 years ago | (#3267174)

I still can't get myself to stop visiting slashdot every 10 minutes! argh! Time to add '209.242.124.241 slashdot.org' to my hosts file.

Re:make it stop! (1)

Golias (176380) | about 12 years ago | (#3267327)

please god make it stop!!

I gotta side with SnicklesTheElf on this one. Almost the whole fucking web is useless today, because every tech site and blog out there decided it would be soooooo funny to write a bunch of bogus stories to celebrate April Fools Day, but none of them are clever enough to come up with one that is either plausable or funny.

Next year, I think I will not even bother to try to get any information off the web. I'll just go for a walk or something and hope that nothing really happens that I would want to know about that day.

I AM JEEF K YOU LOONIX PISS FROST (-1)

ZaxxonFlux (473066) | about 12 years ago | (#3267093)

alarm
alarm
FAYGOTS AND FAGGORSANDS

TEHY are FAYGOTS AND WIL WEHTON IS A FAGORSAND

faygots
faygots

Who uses java. (5, Insightful)

duffbeer703 (177751) | about 12 years ago | (#3267102)

People who like to develop large distributed applications written by multiple people easy to understand.

Slashcode is/was a perfect example of how easy it is to make Perl unreadable.

Re:Who uses java. (4, Funny)

Reality Master 101 (179095) | about 12 years ago | (#3267120)

Who uses java?

People who don't need an unsigned data type.

Re:Who uses java. (1)

nagora (177841) | about 12 years ago | (#3267195)

Who uses java?

People who don't need an unsigned data type.

So, no one then.

TWW

Re:Who uses java. (0)

Dragnet (551689) | about 12 years ago | (#3267197)

People so amateurish they can't understand the concept of signed and unsigned, or are lazy and can't remember. I rest my case. Java programmers are lazy.

Re:Who uses java. (2, Insightful)

sbrown123 (229895) | about 12 years ago | (#3267285)

Actually Java does not use signed types due to cross platform compatibility. C and many other languages have issues in that integal variables change size based on platform.

Re:Who uses java. (1)

sbrown123 (229895) | about 12 years ago | (#3267311)

Why would you need a unsigned data type? If the value is too large for the current data type: use one larger. Are you running on a Commodore 64 and worried about the extra 4 bytes?

Re:Who uses java. (1)

spectral (158121) | about 12 years ago | (#3267336)

for simple things like, oh, I dunno.. ip addresses, or anything with a database, etc..

kind of stupid to have signed variables for things that are NOT signed.

and no, not on a commodore 64 (man those things rocked), but network transmissions, disk space, etc.. though bandwidth and storage are getting better, that doesn't mean you can/should use it just becuase you, or your programming language sucks

Re:Who uses java. (1)

looseBits (556537) | about 12 years ago | (#3267125)

Amen brother!

Perl is great and all (I use it for quickies) but if I'm working on a project with 150,000 lines of code, I pray to god it's not Perl.

Just the opinion of another Java junkie.

Re:Who uses java. (2, Interesting)

Dr. Transparent (77005) | about 12 years ago | (#3267240)

Certainly not people who want intelligent APIs (try converting a string to an int or vice-versa). Certainly not people who need to overload operators for the sake of code-readability (but sun can override them for their string class - nazis). Certainly not anyone who values performance. And certainly not anyone who isn't stuck in academia with their head up their butt. Java is on its way out, and I'm kickin it in the butt as it goes. Java Sucks!!

C'mon, you know the words! (0, Offtopic)

Geekboy(Wizard) (87906) | about 12 years ago | (#3267103)

Sell out! With me, oh yea! Sell out! With me tonight. The record company is gonna give me lots of money and everything is going to be all right!

[Apologies to Reel Big Fish]

Re:C'mon, you know the words! (1)

aphexbrett (220057) | about 12 years ago | (#3267205)

*woo hoo hoo* *woo hoo hoo*
she brough java last night

said it wasn't cold

didn't matter anymore

said she was careful and that she never spilled

said she'd buy me more again and promise not to tell!


Different song I know, but if your a RBF fan you'll get. Apologies again to RBF and to the previous poster.

CrapDot (1, Flamebait)

dills (102733) | about 12 years ago | (#3267119)

I officially demand that slashdot rename itself CrapDot every April 1st from now on, provided this constant flow of asanine bullshit pursists.

"CrapDot - News for Fools. Stuff that nobody wants to read."

Andy

Re:CrapDot (0, Flamebait)

killmenow (184444) | about 12 years ago | (#3267135)

Now if only I had mod points today. +1 Interesting, +1 Insightful, +1 Informative...

This is not even funny.

Re:CrapDot (2)

killmenow (184444) | about 12 years ago | (#3267271)

How is my post flamebait? Redundant I can see, but flamebait?!

Are moderators too obtuse or am I too ambiguous?

Let me elaborate so we all understand:
  • I think /. has pretty much been CrapDot today.
  • I think the post with the idea to name it CrapDot was interesting, insightful, and informative
  • I knew people would mod it as funny
  • I don't think it's meant to be funny
  • April Fool's Day jokes are supposed to be funny
  • No AFJ on /. today has been funny IMO
  • The word "This" is too vague for moderators to know what it refers to
  • I have karma to burn
This is flamebait: Bite me...

Hey you know.... (0, Offtopic)

GiorgioG (225675) | about 12 years ago | (#3267121)

you really are an @$$hole...why don't you shut up and sing the song pal?

God these stories are so f*cking stupid

ODP has a funny April Fool(unlike this slash crap) (2, Funny)

Commienst (102745) | about 12 years ago | (#3267122)

The ODP has a link to the following article [dmoz.org] displayed prominently on their front page: [dmoz.org]

MSN Delivers Another Brick in "the Wall"

The Gates Open Directory Now Offers a Simpler More Unified Copyright Ownership Model.


REDMOND, Wash. -- April 1, 2002 -- The MSN® network of Internet services, with more than 270 billion unique reboots worldwide, today announced the addition of the Gates Open Directory (GOD), formerly known as the Open Directory Project. The Gates Open Directory is part of Microsoft's vision to simplify copyright on the Internet by buying all copyrighted material. Once this goal is achieved Microsoft will be the single clearinghouse for all intellectual property, in effect streamlining the current legal bureaucracy surrounding patent and copyright suits by eliminating the need for costly lawsuits. If someone thinks they own intellectual property, they can submit it directly to Microsoft via the Web at http://www.msn.com/ or at any one of the MSN worldwide sites located at http://www.msn.com/worldwide.ashx.

Rich Skrenta, co-founder of the Open Directory Project, believes that "the Gates Open Directory was inevitable, so why fight it?" Bill Gates, future owner of all things ownable, concurs: "Resistance is futile."

The current staff of Open Directory Project is being replaced by an Artificial Intelligence developed at the Microsoft Research Lab. The A.I. was build on top of the original Microsoft Windows digital assistant "Clippy." Users of the Gates Open Directory interact directly with Clippy, who interprets the requests and carries out the user's wishes.

Researchers believe that once the Gates Open Directory had been fully integrated into Clippy, it will become sentient. This project has been named codenamed "Sky," as in "the sky is the limit." Engineers are currently working on integrating project Sky with the latest Common Language Infrastructure and .Net. The combined project Sky.Net should be fully operational by the end of the year.

Open Directory Employee, Bob Keating, will continue his service to the Directory by maintaining the mechanical relays and polishing the optical fiber that makes up the colossus that powers Clippy.

Editors and contributors to the Directory are asked to stay calm and not to struggle. Clippy will find them and assimilate them.

MSN causes more than 270 billion unique computer reboots worldwide per month. Available in 34 markets and 18 languages, MSN is a world leader in delivering Web services to consumers and digital marketing solutions to businesses worldwide. The most useful and innovative online service today, MSN brings consumers everything they need from the Web to make the most of their time online.

About Microsoft

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in software, services and Internet technologies for personal and business computing. The company offers a wide range of products and services designed to empower people and llamas through great software -- inflatable or otherwise.

Microsoft and MSN are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corp. in the United States and/or other countries.

The names of actual companies and products mentioned herein may not yet be owned by Microsoft.

Note to editors: If you are interested in viewing additional information on Microsoft, please visit the Microsoft Web page at http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/ on Microsoft's corporate information pages. Web links, telephone numbers and titles were correct at time of publication, but are competely different now since we changed our minds. We cheat at Battleship too.

Moderation on Slashdot Stories (2, Insightful)

wikki (13091) | about 12 years ago | (#3267123)

It really sucks that we can't moderate the slashdot stories down. Doesn't anyone besides me do real work on April 1?

Atleast there are no more stupid pigeon stories

Re:Moderation on Slashdot Stories (3, Funny)

caferace (442) | about 12 years ago | (#3267221)

Doesn't anyone besides me do real work on April 1?

Seeing has how your "real work" appears to be bitching about the AFD stories on Slashdot, it appears you're in good company. Perhaps you should throw a party for all your new-found friends?

Walmart Security Training information for Apr. 1 (0, Offtopic)

Walmart Security (570281) | about 12 years ago | (#3267124)

My weathered hand rested effortlessly on the blue EZSECURE patrol cart's steering device as the blinding incandescence of a Chevrolet SUV's headlights temporarily rendered me unable to see. Inconsiderate out-of-towners who never respected the law, probably. After it had vacated the premises and the slight glimmer of light eminating from the moon was all that remained, I realized that it was 11:30, the official beginning of my shift at the local Walmart. It would last until the early morning hours when the sun would rise and Brady would arrive to relieve me of my sworn duty: protect the Walmart and its patrons with my life. I would then return to my residence here in the relatively small town of Jasper, Texas to prepare for another patrol.

Fortunately, as of an hour later, my patrol might not longer evoke the ennui that it had for the past fifteen years. After fifty years of service, The EZSECURE Corporation was entrusting me with the prodigious task of training an aspiring security guard on site as my seventieth birthday present! I could hardly wait to meet my proteg. This was unquestionably the most exciting thing I had experienced since the Country Music Fair was held here in 1978. Ah, the memories... I digress.

I applied the brake gently and disabled the golf cart's electric motor. "Use that there break real gently now," my supervisor had told me years ago, when the golf carts were new. "If you don't, it'll get old quicker and cost EZSECURE more funds." At the time, I assured him that his advice was nothing more than an old wife's tale, but he threatened me in his most intimidating (and greatly accentuated) voice with demotion. I complied only because I had no intention of becoming a security camera operator again. The Walmart's warm air welcomed my frail, wrinkled body as I walked briskly through the automatic door, my black and gray hair blowing uncontrollably due to the amount of air travelling through the door. It smelled of plastic and hand cream, but even the smell of dead fish would be more pleasant than the utterly glacial conditions outside. "Morning Kevin," I said to the Home and Gardens cashier, who rarely, if ever, replied vocally to my greetings. I suspected that he must have been a hippie, because the twentysomething blond would reply with some sort of peace symbol using his middle finger, but this morning he was uncharacteristically fatigued. Perhaps he'd fallen victim to drugs, like so many other children today with deadbeat parents. Apparently he'd arrived only moments prior, for he hadn't even powered up his electronic cash register.

After exiting the pseudo-warehouse where Kevin was assigned, I continued walking until I reached the twenty-four hour McDonalds nestled safely inside of the Walmart. As always, I purchased an eight ounce cup of freshly brewed coffee. Not only would the caffeine assist me in remaining alert during the morning hours, but I believed the coffee's inherent warmth would assist me in carrying out my nightly tasks and, if necessary, defend Walmart from aggressors.

"Peter? Peter Geralds?" an unconfident voice queried from behind me. I drew a can of mace and turned expediously, nearly emptying the hot drink on my uniform in the process. The boy jumped back, realizing that I wasn't fond of surprises. EZSECURE had trained me to react with the mace in a millisecond.

"Yes sir, that's me," I replied politely as I placed the can of mace back into my pocket. This boy wasn't a threat. After all, would a malevolent criminal be wearing an EZSECURE uniform? Certainly not. "I'm sorry about that. What can I do for you?"

"I'm Robert. Manager Bob ordered me to report to you for training." The cadet wasn't exactly what I'd anticipated. He was lanky, probably around 6'2" in stature, with blonde hair that appeared quite dark under the dimmed flourescent lights overhead.

I stepped closer to him and held out my hand. "Nice to meet you," I told him with utmost confidence.

Shaking my hand, he hesitated to reply until we'd finished. "Likewise, Peter." I picked up my coffee again and we began walking back to the Home and Gardens area of Walmart. While we were in transit, he explained that he'd been born in Japan and that his parents had immigrated to the United States shortly thereafter. "If you're Japanese, why did your parents name you Robert?" I asked him inquisitively. It certainly intrigued me that he'd not been assigned a Japanese name, for many of them were quite interesting to a layman such as myself. Whereas I'd be more inclined to name my child "Bobby-Sue," people who weren't native Jasper residents often chose poetic, interesting names for their offspring.

"They were very worried that I wouldn't fit in with other children," he informed me. Logical, I thought. Robert spoke both English and Japanese fluently; perhaps he would be an invaluable negotiator if we were ever held hostage by Japanese terrorists.

The golf cart was barely twenty feet away. "Let's start your training," I suggested as I took another drink of my coffee. "Welcome to the security business."

Re:Walmart Security Training information for Apr. (1)

fscking_coward_2001 (236799) | about 12 years ago | (#3267218)

First interesting thing I've read all fscking day on here. Can't wait for the rest of the story. I don't have to pay for the rest, do I?

This is getting ridiculous (1, Redundant)

jcoleman (139158) | about 12 years ago | (#3267127)

Maybe /. could rise above the stupidity of this holiday and post REAL news. This isn't the least bit funny.

Scared Me for a second there (1)

billatq (544019) | about 12 years ago | (#3267128)

I went to the http://www.cpan.org page for the first time today (I'm a new linux user..learning about perl) and was very surprised to see that. I even checked the google cache and was relieved when I saw the real page. Good april fools joke :).

Record year for April fools jokes? (2)

Vicegrip (82853) | about 12 years ago | (#3267131)

It's pretty funny stuff, but there sure does seem to be a whole ton of nicely baited hooks floating around in cyberspace this April.
I'm still waiting for the full Bill Gates confessional about his secret love affair with Larry Ellison.

The worst thing is (1)

BrodyVess (455213) | about 12 years ago | (#3267136)

that there will be actual news today, but I wont know till tomorrow, because I'm about to turn my computer off and go run and hide. Thank god Drudge [drudgereport.com] didn't succumb.

Where's the preference for... (2)

gergi (220700) | about 12 years ago | (#3267140)

turning off editor trolls and April Fools stories?
if you programming for a living Taco, you'd never compare Java to Perl. apples and oranges.
and please, can we get back to real news? this is lame

This reminds me of a sketch on The State... (2)

Dephex Twin (416238) | about 12 years ago | (#3267145)

...where they teach the audience that "anything that's not true is funny and anything that is true isn't funny."

Man 1: "Ask me what I had for breakfast today."

Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

Man 1: "Waffles."

Man 2: (pauses for a moment, then laughs)

Man 1: "See? Now that's funny. I didn't have waffles today, I had eggs. Ask me again what I had for breakfast today."

Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

Man 1: "Eggs."

Man 2: (blank stare)

Man 1: "You see? I did have eggs for breakfast, hence saying I had eggs wasn't funny."

etc.

Yes, yes, these April Fool's articles aren't true, but that's not what makes fake articles funny... it's being fooled!

mark

Re:This reminds me of a sketch on The State... (2)

DebtAngel (83256) | about 12 years ago | (#3267245)

None of these are believable enough for the populace to be fooled.

Except for, funnily enough, this one. The part in italics, anyway. I can believe a story about CPAN adding Java snippets to its library of code. I can even believe CPAN adding Java snippets in a really big way.

Then the editor went and added a cheap troll, thereby ruining the illusion of believability. Speaking of which, the new Flair-run RAW show is premiering this Monday, 9:00 on the New TNN.</ad>

Hey, whe added the new Slashvertisement Comment code to the CVS? *mutters*

Re:This reminds me of a sketch on The State... (2)

Dephex Twin (416238) | about 12 years ago | (#3267282)

None of these are believable enough for the populace to be fooled.

I know, that was my point. The sketch was being ironic. Just because it's not true doesn't mean it's funny! The idea behind April Fool's is tricking people, not saying extremely untrue things.

mark

Librarian... (2, Funny)

ackthpt (218170) | about 12 years ago | (#3267156)

From the page:

Yours Eclectically, The Self-Appointed Master Librarian (OOK!) of the CJAN Jarkko Hietaniemi

Care to guess what author he reads? :-)

Sun Must Be Stopped (5, Funny)

Zuna (317219) | about 12 years ago | (#3267158)

Java really does suck. Just look at this latest press release...

Mountain View, CA -- Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement
against the island of Java* over the use of Sun's Java* trademark.

Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for
centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said "Yeah, and in all that time they
never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name."

Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name.
They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but an angry telegram
from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally
settled on a symbol for a name -- a neatly-colored coffee cup which still
evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be
able to print the name of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in
print as "The Island Formerly Known As Java*".

The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island,
but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay
Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar,
but it is still in alpha testing.

Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery
ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for
them...

*Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the
trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced to
use Microsoft products.

(Taken from an old Usenet post.)

smelly (1)

Kircle (564389) | about 12 years ago | (#3267159)

Ok, I thought it was funny all day. I even liked the Enterprise one. But I think this just goes a wee bit too far. Try to find either:

a) some real stories
b) some funnier stories
c) or just link to The Onion

that is all.

Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhh! (2, Redundant)

Bruce Perens (3872) | about 12 years ago | (#3267161)

Enough already!

Re:Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhh! (1)

FortKnox (169099) | about 12 years ago | (#3267217)

Now, seeing that all the "unlimited point" moderators (read: Editors) start slamming people complaining about April Fools, will they have the nuts to mod down Bruce Perens for being fed up??

Hehe, April 1st might be the start of a movement for moderation reform (similar to a bowel movement).

I am a karma whore. (0, Redundant)

unformed (225214) | about 12 years ago | (#3267168)

Today is April First.

So mod me up please.

For this comment I would like a +5 Underrated.

Oh, and hint to Taco: If you'd stop eating burritos, you would stop releasing shit, and we could all get along fine.

Great, but does anyone in Congress really know (2)

hrieke (126185) | about 12 years ago | (#3267169)

How to program in the first place?
I really can't imagine Senator Byrd (D-WV) and Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY) going at it over algorithms and what has better garbage collection utilities, C# or Java.
My god, talk about gridlock...

Good news indeed. (1)

fiid (4432) | about 12 years ago | (#3267178)

CPAN is a great thing. It provides an archive of consistently packaged perl modules for doing all kinds of things.

It is truly great that this is also being provided for Java. Code reuse is the true path forward.

In the Java vs Perl debate? Java is not self-obfuscating. Java is type-safe, and conequently can be made much more robust. Teams of people can collaboratively develop Java code and are supported by functionality such as Javadoc, and a host of tools from many vendors.

Not that all these things are impossible in perl! You can do anything in perl, and generally quite quickly, but trying to figure out what you did 6 months later is much harder.

You can fry an egg on my head right now... (1, Troll)

FortKnox (169099) | about 12 years ago | (#3267180)

This should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking. But at the expense of the greatest of all languages? It's just to sad for me to express in words. I mean, who uses java anyway?

For Gawwwwds Sake!

Don't even get me started at how much faster, how much cleaner, how much easier to add to, and how much more efficient an enterprise site, like slashdot, would benefit from the full use of J2EE, including EJB's and a nice webcontainer (You can even stay with OpenSource and use Tomcat [apache.org] and JBoss [jboss.org] .

Wow, this is the first troll I bit on in a loooong time...

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now... (1)

Dr. Transparent (77005) | about 12 years ago | (#3267254)

Good Lord! Have you used Java? Granted Perl can be a bit cryptic if you want, but at least Perl lets you do what you want! I can't do operator overloading in Java, because SUN DECIDED I'M TOO STUPID AND MIGHT SCREW IT UP. WELL THANK YOU SUN FOR SAVING ME FROM MYSELF! And don't get me started on the performance of any java implementation (sans the jikes compiler, which isn't really an implementation obviously). Perl lets you get the friggin job done, however you want. Just like any reasonably designed language should. Java tries to save the programmer from him/her self and ends up getting in the way of getting anything done. Transmeta has a better chance of delivering the world ubiquitous cross-platform applications than Java. And that's not saying much.

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now... (1)

FortKnox (169099) | about 12 years ago | (#3267329)

Good Lord! Have you used Java?

I'm a J2EE consultant.

Granted Perl can be a bit cryptic if you want, but at least Perl lets you do what you want!

Yeah, perl's great for scripting admin type stuff, but an enterprise website?

I can't do operator overloading in Java, because SUN DECIDED I'M TOO STUPID AND MIGHT SCREW IT UP. WELL THANK YOU SUN FOR SAVING ME FROM MYSELF!

God is typing "object.equals( object )" that much harder than "object = object"?

And don't get me started on the performance of any java implementation (sans the jikes compiler, which isn't really an implementation obviously).

Have you tried Java after version 1.2? Yeah, 1.1 stank something aweful, but the newer versions fly (on all platforms). And since you are so apt to perl, find some comparisions on large enterprise websites in Perl vs. large enterprise websites using J2EE. Then talk to me about performance.

Perl lets you get the friggin job done, however you want. Just like any reasonably designed language should. Java tries to save the programmer from him/her self and ends up getting in the way of getting anything done.

Yeah, like "saving" the programmer from memory leaks and deconstruction. Cause making destructors is what programming is about!
Lemmie guess, you're just an old-time programmer afraid that his job is at stake, because of these "new fangled" languages cut out difficult stuff like deallocation, and put more of the emphasis on the actual application...
Don't worry, most of your slashdot friends are elitests also...

Transmeta has a better chance of delivering the world ubiquitous cross-platform applications than Java.

First of all, apples and oranges. Transmeta was doing it hardware-wise, and Sun is doing it software wise.
Second of all, Sun gives away the compilers and VMs, where you'd have to BUY the Transmeta hardware.

And that's not saying much.

No, you aren't saying much. You sound like a regular bigot/elitest. You can't stand stuff like "Java", because you tried it when it first appeared, hated it cause it wasn't mature, and insult it to this day (when was the last time you tried it?), and you only go by hearsay about the newer versions.
I suppose you are a Linux bigot, also. Think MS SUX0RS D00D! when you last tried windows was 98 (not 2k nor XP).

BTW - If you were trolling, it was a good one. If you weren't you're a bigot/elitest.

Greatest of all??? (1)

tutal (512222) | about 12 years ago | (#3267181)

I thought that was Python, which is a language that is not dead in its evolutionary cycle as it appears that Perl is... not knocking the great merits of perl, but I just see python as a better language than perl, java, or even c++. If CPAN were to shift focus to python, it could save quite a bit of money on reprinting all those nifty office supplies... just a thought.

Re:Greatest of all??? (1)

nikkatsu (522113) | about 12 years ago | (#3267316)

oh jesus yes but why dont they understand, why?
no i guess java doesnt suck ass, i mean it works, right?
but agree w you that python has tons going for it but afraid it's been overlooked by all but linux admins.
gimmee a clean elegant language anyday...

In other news today... (2, Funny)

southpolesammy (150094) | about 12 years ago | (#3267184)

Slashdot [slashdot.org] , a usually vibrant hotspot on the Internet for technical discussions, imploded due to the complete lack of content on Monday. Witnesses described a loud, sucking noise emanating from the once-intelligent gathering spot, stating that "once the pigeons flew overhead, we knew it was all over".

Slashdot founder Rob Malda was unavailable for comment....

In A Shocking Move, Slashdot Concedes (2)

unformed (225214) | about 12 years ago | (#3267185)

In a shocking move, the Slashdot network has finally conceded and have given in to com [slashdot.org] pla [slashdot.org] ints [slashdot.org] about the lack of quality programming.

In the words of the leader Commander Taco, "I apologize for the brutality we have caused our fellow users to suffer. However, in all honesty, contrary to popular opinion it was CowboyNeal's fault. Let me explain. Initially our advertisers' wanted us to run advertisements as stories [slashdot.org] .

However, we felt that doing so would greatly reduce what little credibility we had as a tech rumor site. Additionally, due to CowboyNeal spending the entire OSDN budget on crack, we had to quickly raise money somehow someway. We decided to hook up with DoubleClick and let them monitor our traffic and generate random logs for their own use. However, we knew that if we let it happen for too long, people would find out, and we would lose what little respectability we had left. So we needed to get many hits quick.

I, Commander Taco, the great Commander of Burritos and Such, decided to take it upon myself, to create mind-numbing, electrifying stories which would result in an amazing number of page hits. Unfortunately, a few users have caught on. Since I did not preplan enough to put the ROT-13 my ideas and DMCA-it, I have no recourse but to let them notify all of our users, and hence be forced to concede. The other members of Slashdot are too coked out right now (hence our budget), so I'm alone here. However, I plan on leaving very soon, and disappearing into the depths of Amazon, because from what I have heard in unexplained rumors, is that Bubba is after me for rootkitting his Debian box. Regardless, I am on my out.

Good day, folks, and god speed.

In other news, (3, Funny)

Bender Unit 22 (216955) | about 12 years ago | (#3267193)

In other news, Sun Microsystems shifts focus to .net instead. Get the full article here. [sun.com]

"We know a better system when we see it", says Ed Zander, President and Chief Operating Officer, Sun Microsystems, Inc.
"To be honest, we don't quite see a future without a proper .net strategy. The development tools alone with all their templates and wizards just make it too good for us to ignore. It also allows us to collect more data from the applications developed everywhere on the net. Thanks to the agreement you agree to when installing the package, we can collect pretty much any piece of information from every system."

But is that not too intrusive?
"No I don't think so, think about it. With that kind of feedback the installed base of .net applications becomes in reality a huge testing facility where we can ship, near ready, products too. The data collected enables us to weed out the bugs and security issues quickly and we can release patches on a cheap subscription basis"

And it continues..
Well I for one, is surpriced to say the least. What will be next, dumping Solaris?

A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD (2)

YouAreFatMan (470882) | about 12 years ago | (#3267196)

THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS

news.com article [com.com]

http://www.wehavethewayout.com/ [wehavethewayout.com]

Netcraft results for site [netcraft.com]
The site www.wehavethewayout.com is running Rapidsite/Apa-1.3.14 (Unix) FrontPage/4.0.4.3 mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a on FreeBSD.

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD (2)

Bender Unit 22 (216955) | about 12 years ago | (#3267210)

Hey that guy is right, ROFL..
Netcraft says
The site www.wehavethewayout.com is running Rapidsite/Apa-1.3.14 (Unix) FrontPage/4.0.4.3 mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a on FreeBSD.

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - Linux64.com runs W2k/IIS (2)

Drestin (82768) | about 12 years ago | (#3267253)

http://uptime.netcraft.com/up/graph/?host=www.linu x64.com

bummer eh?

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD (1)

Chuqmystr (126045) | about 12 years ago | (#3267324)

Jeeze, c'mon, we all know what's next within the next two years, mark my words. The minions of the BORG come up with some way to assimulate a UNIX, they "embrace and extend" it(read: bastardize it like a monkey fucking a football), build some pretty, happy-clicky but still somewhat half-assed GUI for it, and call it WindBloze NewStart or some such marketing derived crap. They will then go on to lambast and bash anything remotely resembling NT technology and proclaim just how much better this is. Still not scared? They will sue Apple out of existance on some bogus patent infringement because they had it first with Darwin/Mach 3. Shortly after that the Babeling Bush will proclaim M$ the greatest thing since sliced bread for turning around the computer software industry and effectively erradicating all software security issues. (wow, Carnivore r00t kit? Now how'd that get in there?) Finaly, and as their most heinous act, M$ will figure out some way to make all mount points STILL be hardware dependant and STILL follow the same goddamned lame assed C: D: E: ... model they've used for far too long as well as somehow making it an unconfigureable part of the OS. BASTARDS!

/sbin/fsck -U Micro$oft!

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD (1)

RatOmeter (468015) | about 12 years ago | (#3267339)

Yeah, and it's kinda sad...

It's fairly obvious (I think) what's happened there. Did you notice from the Netcraft report that the IP address is in Verio's netblock? Looks like they farmed it out to Verio for hosting and Verio uses Apache and FreeBSD.

Choosing Verio to host was probably a Bean-Counter-savvy move, but not techno-marketing-savvy.
-

Karma death (4, Funny)

$carab (464226) | about 12 years ago | (#3267206)

(I would've posted this anonymously, but it had to be said)
In other news, Microsoft has decided to begin an archive of all their software as part of their new .NYET program. Users will pay a regular fee for the service. Called CMAN-The Comprehensive Microsoft Archive Network, the service is expected to be quite a boon to the recently downtrodden company.

Buisnesses reacted happily to the news. "We're ecstatic" an anonymous buiness person said, "Microsoft kept giving us shit, but now we've got CMAN!".

The Linux community seemed confused at the news. Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda declared "CMAN? I've been enjoying CMAN for years! Microsoft can't just go and copyright it! This offends my nerdish sensibilities! I want my CMAN!" Malda later said that if the CMAN network was as good as the hype, he would switch to an all-Microsoft platform. "If this CMAN is really high-grade, enterprise level stuff, then I think I'll switch to a Microsoft platform."

Microsoft stock was up sharply on the news. An anonymous trader said "It was like the NASDAQ floor was covered in CMAN! Microsoft rocks my world!".

JAVA doesn't suck (1)

zenithva (41400) | about 12 years ago | (#3267213)

i think if you were to start talking about sucking... you'd have to start with umm.... anything micro$h!t. like, let's say for example, visual basic... no uh, wait a minute, access, no uh... uh... too much information. i'm overloading. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout (4, Funny)

pbryan (83482) | about 12 years ago | (#3267214)

For the record, my feelings on the Slashdot April Fools Embroglio rests firmly in the uninterested. I have almost zero opinion on the final outcome of April Fools postings. I love Slashdot, and will probably subscribe at some point to support the site, but April Fools jokes are dull (to me).

This easy dismissal of the value of the only providers of interesting and insightful content on Slashdot is offensive. Thus, I propose a small revolt. The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout.

T(H)GAFB will be during April 1 through April 1. Easy to remember, a shitload of useless articles will be posted. During that time, I will not be enjoying posting, or reading comments from the home page.

During that day, I'd like to see if Slashdot becomes a better place, or if it becomes the Hallowed Shrine of Troll.

This is where the (Hopefully) comes in. This is only meaningful if enough agree to go along and participate. If there is only me and a handful of others who cease enjoying Slashdot during that week, it will be pretty meaningless.

And CJAN will start supporting Perl (0, Flamebait)

idcmp (93227) | about 12 years ago | (#3267222)

Of course, there really is a CJAN [cjan.org] already.

Next there'll be an article on the first maintainable Perl program greater than 6 lines long.

And I was excited (4, Insightful)

DeadSea (69598) | about 12 years ago | (#3267223)

CPAN has done wonders for perl modules. Its easy to install them and all the CPAN modules I've used have good documentation, very nice dependency checking, and regression tests. Until I realized that it was a joke, I was thinking that the CPAN folks would be able to do some great work with Java libraries.

Java has a better library structure than perl, with each package being in a well defined place in the classpath. Also documentation for Java libraries tends to be better because of the javadoc comments that everybody writes. Regression tests and dependency checking for java libraries would be cool.

Luckily, there are great places to turn for java libraries even without CPAN supporting them. The Apache Project [apache.org] has many classes that I consider essential now. The Giant Java Tree [gjt.org] has thousands of open source libraries. Not to mention the stuff I've written [ostermiller.org] .

Step right up get your TacoTroll(TM) right here! (1)

justin sane (185041) | about 12 years ago | (#3267237)

One of these great bonus prizes in every Slash-dot "Perl is Genius Stick Your Head in the Sand Happy Meal compelte with KoolAide(TM): Larry Wall figurine, Guido van Rossum voodoo doll, secret CommanderTaco Perl obfuscator ( while { print;}), FAQ on the Parrot language entitled "Bastardizing the language of the Gods into an OOP language that's readable by mere mortals", and a "Duke" or James Gosling dart board cover. Hurry--collect 'em all!.

enough already (1)

verch (12834) | about 12 years ago | (#3267248)

Its hard enough to tell which of the stories on /. are serious on a regular day.. enough already.

To quote one of my all time favorite SNL skits.. STOP! AUDIENCE GET IT!

Anyone? (1, Troll)

tarsi210 (70325) | about 12 years ago | (#3267269)

Raise your hand if you also haven't gotten anything useful done today because of this fucking load of shit being posted every-fucking-where on the 'net, including PissDot.

Offical ban of the holiday, folks? I think. :P~

CPAN? D'oh. (2, Funny)

Roosey (465478) | about 12 years ago | (#3267272)

I thought that said C-SPAN was shifting its focus. I would've known that was an April Fools joke then - they wouldn't be caught dead broadcasting anything interesting. :]

"Up next, Senate Boxing! Watch as 99 year old Senator Strom Thurmond takes on 86 year old Robert Byrd! Who'll be the first to drop?"

Enough Already (1)

jockm (233372) | about 12 years ago | (#3267276)

One April Fool's story is clever, two is amusing, three or more is too damn much!

About April fool's day and complaints on Slashdot. (5, Insightful)

JFMulder (59706) | about 12 years ago | (#3267277)

You guys must have really nothing to do on April fool's day if the only thing you have to do is come to slashdot and bitch and moan about the April Fool's joke CmdrTaco is running. If you don't like them, stop coming to Slashdot today. Come back tomorrow. Nobody will miss you I'm sure. As for the moderators who spend times modding down pro-april-foolscomments and modding up anti-april-fools commentes, get a f**king life. I unchecked the "Willing to Moderate" because moderators like you rated waste mod points on stupid posts and keep modding up crap. What's the point of modding up somthing to +5 insightfull if some other idiot mods up a fart joke +5 funny?

To all the whiners... im trying for a -5 flame (1, Insightful)

Ogrez (546269) | about 12 years ago | (#3267279)

Stop your crying and whining... if you dont want to read april fool's jokes, then dont read them. Its not like a headline on 4/1 that says that nvidia bought AMD is not a dead giveaway.. Its your own fault if your so addicted to slashdot that you cant pass up the chance to read every post on every single story and then bitch about the content... for everyone complaining about the signal/noise ratio.. your sure adding alot of noise.. If you dont like it, dont read it. If you dont think its funny, dont laugh.. and for christs sake.. you can deal with it for one day.

OMG (1)

Fembot (442827) | about 12 years ago | (#3267283)

I get the feeling 50%+ of the front page is april fools jokes. Makes u wonder how many story authors actualy feel for it.

Curious... (4, Interesting)

Lethyos (408045) | about 12 years ago | (#3267297)

We all know that on a regular basis, the editors here at Slashdot reject very good stories in favor of, well, not so good stories [slashdot.org] (OKay, many are just plain stupid).

To add insult to injury, how many people here have submitted very intelligent, meaningful, and possibly important stories... only to have them rejected in favor of these stupid April Fools jokes. Slashdot is often referred to by many of us an intelligent and useful news source to "open source initiates" or other professionals.

Today however, like every other year, it descends into silliness. All useful content has been eliminated. Every story is an April Fools "joke" and thus, it's completely pointless because it's funny when you're tricked.

Editors, stop displacing useful content for this nonsense, please? I am sure there's lots of real stuff out there today amongst the cruft. Of course, this request will be ignored because the editors are so damn full of themselves.

I suggest everyone who got a story rejected post it as a reply to this post. Maybe we can actually get some stuff that matters.

Greatest Of All Languages?! (0, Flamebait)

Not The Real Me (538784) | about 12 years ago | (#3267303)

Oh!
You mean Visual Basic, the most widely used language in the entire world. VB currently runs on over 95% of all desktops and well over 35% of all servers in the entire world. A feat few other languages can claim.

I didn't know CPAN had VB. I thought CPAN was all about Perl. You know, that language that has modules that break when you upgrade from version 5.000 to 5.00X resulting in something akin to Perl's version of DLL Hell.

Perl Users All Thank Sun For Their Support (3, Informative)

twoshortplanks (124523) | about 12 years ago | (#3267310)

In real non april 1st way, the Perl Peeps are all really grateful for Sun's support of Perl.

Recently Sun donated some new hardware to make search.cpan.org [cpan.org] work a lot faster. This was covered on use Perl [perl.org] .

Thanks Sun!

AHHHH! (1)

Emperor Cezar (106515) | about 12 years ago | (#3267328)

Will you people please stop complaining? Do you have nothing better to do? You think that the April Fool's jokes are fustrating? Take a look around!

Complain, complain, complain. Enjoy the jokes, they only come around once a year. These kind of jokes are part of being part of the slashdot community. If I just wanted straight news with out commentary then I would just read wired, cnet, cnn, or any other of a hundred news sites.

You people just need to calm down a bit and relax.

Microsoft does (2)

macdaddy (38372) | about 12 years ago | (#3267334)

It's true! Didn't you know? Microsoft is making their next version of Windows on Sun's Java. Microsoft Windows J
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