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Review: Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones

CmdrTaco posted more than 12 years ago | from the get-this-party-started dept.

Star Wars Prequels 909

Lucas hasn't exactly redeemed himself this time around, but he has wiped out most of the worst of The Phantom Menace from my memory. Clones starts off slow, and it takes half the movie to really start get going. But the final hour finally feels like Star Wars again. Read on for my full review- I'll try not to lone gunman the thing, but you've been warned.So confession time, I still don't think Phantom Menace was that bad. If you mentally filter out every sequence that Jar Jar is on the scene, and maybe the midochlorians, and trim that Pod Race scene down, there's a good movie in there. Not great. Just not sucksville. So I went into Clones hoping that Lucas had learned his lesson, and he mostly has.

Much of the cast from Menace is back. Unfortunately none of the major actors manage to pull of a standout performance. Anakin is little improved from menace. I know he's supposed to be full of anger and angst, but mostly he just comes off as constipated and bitchy. Amidala seems to be taking a bit of a nap. Their romantic scenes together are the Jar Jar binks scenes of this movie: It just pauses the action, and the acting is so bad that the movie stalls until something interesting happened.

The rest of the cast is much better. Ewan McGregor has finally grabbed onto the role of Obi Wan. He's a bit preachy, but it works. Samuel L Jackson is the badass Jedi we want him to be. Senator Palpatine is pretty much the same guy as last time around. And Dooku, the flick's major bad guy is pretty excellent too. Its nice having villians with faces since they actually get to act a bit. The Fett family felt a little forced, but it was interesting.

Most notable this time around is the CGI characters. Episode I of course had Jar Jar, Watto, and many other CG chars, but Menace is literally crammed full of them. And the technology and animators have improved substantially since the last showing. No longer do they stick out like sore thumbs- now they merely stick out like a thumb with a little bit of a sliver. Yoda is of course the most important of the CG chars- everyone probably remembers the horrible animation on his one CG scene in Menance, but in Clones he is CG all the way. This is a huge deal since unlike most of the CG chars we've seen so far, this one works almost perfectly. There are a couple of shots where it doesn't seem quite right... but those are the exception, and not the rule.

What I'm saying is that CG characters have finally come into their own. In Menace, all I could think about is the fact that they were CG. The fact that they didn't looke quite right. This time around they are just part of the show. Another cast member delivering mediocre dialog. Ironically enough, several of the CG chars outshine their human counterparts.

The movie as a whole looks great. Many of the costumes look a lot more like Star Wars. From the clone army, to Amidala wearing a white costume for the last act, things just look like I would expect them to. We get to see some sets familiar from A New Hope as well as Menace, and that all really contributes to making the movie feel like a Star Wars flick. It also helps that the CG has continued to improve.

I'd also like to note that I didn't get to see it on the digital screen. I plan on seeing it digital in the next week or 2... I figured I'd see it at the local theater and make sure it didn't suck before I bothered driving to Southfield to see it in full digital splendor.

The rest of the review will focus a little more on plot. You've been warned. The story is of course largely a love story. There has been a threat on Amidala's life, and her old friends Anakin and Obi-Wan have been assigned by the Jedi Council to protect her. Investigating the asassination attempt leads Obi-Wan to a far away planet where he discovered a clone army being constructed, and a conspiracy to suppress information about it. Anakin and Amidala spend time together and get closer through a series of awkward pseudo romantic scenes where they both look like they would rather have been in different movies. Their utter lack of chemistry is almost amusing.

Obi-Wan gets into some smack, and so Anakin and Amidala go to rescue him, only to end up compounding the level of smack around for the good guys. Meanwhile the Senate does its thing and a major shift in power occurs. We learn who is responsible for the clone army, and what the plan for it is.

The last hour of Clones is the Payoff. A battle worthy of the original trilogy. I'm not going to go into it becuase that might spoil it, but let make the following points. First, we finally have enough light saber action. The massive jedi fight that we all knew these prequels could offer us. And my god was it ever worth the wait. But we also have Mace Windu kicking ass, and at long last, Yoda gets his chance to prove why he is so highly regarded.

The parallels to other movies in the SW Series, especially Empire Strikes Back are many. I'm avoiding mentioning them here, but I will say that the film tries to end on a dark note which is cool.

The packed theater that I saw this really seemed to feel the same way as me. A few awkward laughs during the romance scenes- even snickers during the sound-of-music picnic sequence. But when the final battles came around there were cheers around.

And that really sums it up. It took 3.5 hours of prequel film to get us to the payoff. For some it might not have been worth the wait... but for me, I'm just happy to finally to see most of what was promised delievered. And I'm reinvigorated towards Star Wars. If Episode III can pick up where II left off, III should finally be the Star Wars Prequel that we've been waiting for.

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909 comments

Here's your review (-1)

L0rdkariya (562469) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530249)

it sucked.

Re:Here's your review (-1)

DonkeyHote (521235) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530267)

Amen, IAgreeWithThisPost!

Speaking of... I noticed that Katz'es artcles are getting fewer... and fewer... and he's not rated a movie in some time... It's really too bad, he got the slashbot crowd riled up like no legit troll ever could.

Re:Here's your review (1)

haedesch (247543) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530290)

ow :-( now ill never know how the clones relate to 9 11 :-(

Re:Here's your review (5, Funny)

kilroy_hau (187226) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530325)

CORUSCANT -- Presiding over a memorial service commemorating the victims of the attack on the Death Star, the Emperor declared that while recent victories over the Rebel Alliance were "encouraging, the War on Terror is not over yet."

"We will continue to fight these terrorists, and the rogue governments who harbor them, until the universe is safe, once and for all, and the security of the Neo-New Cosmik Order ensured."

It was one year ago today that the Death Star, perhaps the greatest symbol of the Empire's might, was destroyed in an attack by fanatic Rebels, who used small, single-person crafts to infiltrate seemingly impenetrable defenses. Thousands of mourners were on hand to remember and pay tribute to the victims and their families.

"We lost our innocence that day," reflected one mourner. "I guess we thought we were immune from the kind of violence that happens in other galaxies. We were wrong."

"I lost hundreds of buddies that day," said one teary-eyed Stormtrooper. "Guys whose only crime was trying make the Universe a safer place."

Although the day was colored by sadness, the mourners found some relief in the news of a decisive victory over the Rebels.

In an attack led by Darth Vader, Empire forces were able to rout hundreds of Rebels from a network of caves underneath the surface of the planet Hoth. "We're not sure we got them all," says a Vader spokesman. "There are a lot of places to hide in those caves. But we've delivered powerful blow to the terrorist's infrastructure, that's for sure. Today, the Empire has struck back."

Initial reports are unclear as to the fate of Luke Skywalker, a hero among the Rebels, who is rumored to have delivered the fatal blow to the Death Star. Skywalker, a former desert-dweller from the planet Tattooine, became a part of the Rebellion after family members were killed. Skywalker was trained by a militant wing of the Rebels, known as "Jedi Knights." Fanatical in their religious beliefs, the Jedi Knights claim to derive their power from the mystical "Force."

It's believed that Skywalker was specifically trained by infamous terrorist O bin Wankanobi. Wankanobi, occasionally called "Ben" and easily recognized by his bearded visage and long, flowing robes, achieved near-martyr status among the Rebels after his death last year during a spy mission. His more fervent followers believe that Wankanobi lives on within them today, some even claiming to hear his voice during times of duress.

The attack on the Death Star came shortly after the Empire's destruction of Alderstaan, a planet whose government was known to harbor terrorists. Responding to criticism over the total annihilation of the planet, Vader stated, "There is no middle ground in the War on Terror. Those who harbor terrorists are terrorists themselves. Alderaan was issued ample warning. The fight for continuing Freedom is often burdened by terrible cost."

The cost of this war can still be seen today in the continuing efforts to build a coalition government on Tattooine. Longstanding animosities among the planets various ethnic groups, including the Jawas, Tusken Raiders and scattered human settlers, have been an impediment to the peace process. The Empire continues to maintain a small peace keeping force until a provisional government is finally in place.

Much of the difficulty in fighting the Rebel forces stems from their lack of a central organizing structure. "They don't play by the traditional rules of war," complained one spokesman. "They come in all shapes and sizes, united only by their single-minded desire to destroy the Empire before it destroys them."

The Emperor closed his comments today by stating that "the cowardly attack on the Death Star left a deep scar on the Empire. However, we will not stop fighting until every last evildoer has been brought to justice." He paused for several moments, wiping away a tear and then added with determination, "We will never forget."

"I wish we could all just get along," said one of the mourners. "But it's hard to offer an olive branch to a cult of religious fanatics whose main tool is violence and who insist on calling us the Dark Side."

Re:Here's your review (-1)

Anonymous Cowrad (571322) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530322)

Snapple peach iced tea is still the greatest thing ever. Is this movie better than snapple peach iced tea?

If it's not, I'll just stay home.

Re:Here's your review (-1)

DonkeyHote (521235) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530402)

Better then that, its like sippin snapple peach iced tea while blowing your load on natalie portman.

Beat That

Re:Here's your review (-1)

Anonymous Cowrad (571322) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530491)

Sipping snapple peach iced tea, blowing your load on Natalie, and Gillian Anderson's naked in the kitchen, making a pie.

Beat that.

you wanna see my light saber? (-1)

neal n bob (531011) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530253)

I'll show you the true dark side [goatse.cx]

Jar Jar and Yoda (4, Funny)

glrotate (300695) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530256)

I thought the worst part was the kiss between Jar Jar and Yoda. I just about hurled.

Re:Jar Jar and Yoda (4, Funny)

rizawbone (577492) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530276)

I thought the worst part was the kiss between Jar Jar and Yoda. I just about hurled.

If you saw it in the digital theater, they included the 'digital projection' only extended version.

What a tounge on that Jar-Jar. Natalie, look out.

Re:Jar Jar and Yoda (5, Funny)

Xaoswolf (524554) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530306)

I thought the worst part was the kiss between Jar Jar and Yoda. I just about hurled.

I really hope that's a joke.
Of course, clones are kinda like twins, aren't they...
"Queen Amidala, meet, Queen Amidala" then start with the bad music...

Re:Jar Jar and Yoda (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530426)

wait u mean there is a lesbian scene between the queen and her clone...now the movie should rock

frist poth (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530260)

poth.

$tar War$ (-1)

Ralph JewHater Nader (450769) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530270)

Star Wars is a zionist plot to rip millions off and earn lots of money for the jewish subhumans.

Re:$tar War$ (-1)

DonkeyHote (521235) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530301)

...Which they used to fund thier war on palastine...
So in effect we're funding the biggest terrorist organization on the planet! GOD DAMN JEWS!

Interesting, but... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530277)

Sorry, it was utter tripe. I really can't believe I spent 8 bucks to see this movie. It really was as poor as Episode 1, I'm sticking with Ebert on this one, 2 out of 4 stars at best.

Memorable Moments? (1)

Inexile2002 (540368) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530339)

The originals were full of those moments that stick in your mind forever. Name one from the new shite. George Lukas would have been better off to hand off the whole thing to someone else and then rubber stamp it. That way we wouldn't have to wade through a one man lake of mediocrity, looking for the good bits. Spoiler. There weren't any.

Re:Memorable Moments? (2, Insightful)

doob (103898) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530442)

Two words... Yoda, lightsaber :)

Spoiler Alert! (5, Funny)

Mike Schiraldi (18296) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530279)

I'll try not to lone gunman the thing, but you've been warned.

Had ChrisD written the article, he would have just come right out and made the headline, "Luke's dad, a.k.a. Darth Vader, kills the Emperor, then some Ewoks dance around"

It's a stupid movie: FACE IT! (1)

VEGx (576738) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530281)

Lucas is just trying to cash in on the old stuff. but he's lost it. The "new" Star Wars is... well it just isn't!

Not to mention (2, Funny)

zrk (64468) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530282)

The whole dance routine with MJ singing "Annie are you OK" (aka Smooth Sith Lord").

I almost wretched right there in the theater!

Resea en espaol (0, Offtopic)

kilroy_hau (187226) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530286)

Aqui [ezboard.com]

escrita por un mexicano en USA, muy buena

WARNING - HUGE SPOILER (3, Funny)

Dr Kool, PhD (173800) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530289)

Boba Fett's father is...YODA!! Yup it's true, Boba's real name is "Yoda Fett", but to keep his lineage a secret he changed his first name slightly to "Boba". That's why he always has that mask on! Short green dudes with hair growing out their ears never get the hot chicks.

Trainspotting II: AOTJ (5, Funny)

Zen Mastuh (456254) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530292)

Obi-Wan gets into some smack

Is this Trainspotting II: Attack of the Junkies?

Psst... SPOILER!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530294)

Padme is Luke's mom!!!

Re:Psst... SPOILER!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530321)

Anakin is Leia's dad.

Re: Re: Psst... SPOILER!!! (-1)

DonkeyHote (521235) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530438)

Chewbacca's great grandfather's infidelity with a jawa spawned the race known as Ewoks.

foreshadowing (1)

jiminim (104910) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530296)

Did anyone else notice the "foreshadowing" that occured when Anakin was on Tatooine :)

Re:foreshadowing (2)

Misch (158807) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530494)

Ummm... might have, but I definitley noticed some things were *perky* on Tatooine :-)

AOTC ROCKS! (1)

bigfinger (536378) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530299)

Thge most fun i've had at the movies this year. Only thing is it started 45min late, becuase AMC didn't know what they were doing, but george he knew we didn't want to see Jar Jar, and we did want Yoda, and we got both of the things we asked for. i don't want to mess it up for those who havent seen it but Yoda is the star of AOTC. Best STAR WARS movie yet!

Worst. Episode. 2. Ever! (1)

jeffehobbs (419930) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530302)


Just kidding with the subject line -- overall, I thought it was better than the first one, but there was simply too much CGI. It didn't even look convincing when there was just two people sitting in a room, talking (which happened a lot during the first hour and a half!). There's still a lot to be said for conventional filmmaking, George...

And Artoo can fly? Since when? That would have probably helped Luke out in the swamp...

~jeff

Re:Worst. Episode. 2. Ever! (2, Funny)

matthewd (59896) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530360)

R2's rocket boosters were out of warranty by the time of the original trilogy, that's why you don't see him flying around. Seriously.

Re:Worst. Episode. 2. Ever! (1)

JWSmythe (446288) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530368)

The "original" StarWars was based in the middle of the war, and R2 had been acquired, bolted, and probably modified a bit.. More than likely, parts that he had in this movie (like the ability to fly) weren't available for just a repair droid. Hell, they were trying hard to keep the X-Wings flying..

Re:Worst. Episode. 2. Ever! (2, Funny)

Zoshnell (573838) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530392)

R2 Did fly, remember? Right outta that monsters mouth. Like an R2 on... crack or something.

Anakin Loses A Hand (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530303)

It's springtime, and once again we have a bombastic space opera from George Lucas [crimelibrary.com] to fritter away our hard-earned money on. Last year's offering from Skywalker Ranch [roadsideamerica.com] had many diehard fans leaving the theater a bit disappointed, so while the hype may be a bit less than it was in 2001, the underlying tension is much greater. Among those who place value judgments on this sort of thing, the second of the first trilogy is considered the best of the three. Will Attack of the Clones be the same? Is the magic numeral II installment the one that will be full of depth, subtlety, and complex character development?

Probably not, but we're going to take you through the movie anyway. Grab a bucket of popcorn and prepare yourself for the movie review of Star Wars: Episode II - The Attack of the Clones.

So the movie starts off with the requisite main score while the oddly skewed yellow text brings us up to speed on the goings-on in the galaxy. Something about unrest in the Senate, a separatist movement led by a "Count Dookie", Amidala [natalieportman.com] being a Senator herself, yada yada yada. The main message is that the forced-perspective text looked lame as fuck in 1977, and seems downright abysmal 25 years later. One would think that with all the billions Lucas has made on the previous films he could afford a decent title sequence.

True to a movie made for kids and dysfunctional adults, we then jump right into the action. Senator Amidala [natalieportman.com] is getting off her liqui-chrome spaceship on Coruscant when... kaboom! ...she blows up. Omigod, is she dead?!? Of course not, it was her stand in (you remember her from Episode I, right?). This scene provides a great opportunity for Natalie Portman [natalieportman.com] to get all weepy over her dead assistant and show us that Amidala [natalieportman.com] even cares for the little people. What an angel.

After that we see Yoda, Samuel "Mace Windu" Jackson and some freaky looking alien Jedi talking to Darth Sidious. Er, um, I mean Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, who of course is in no way connected to Mr. Sidious. I mean, he's obviously a good guy, right? Yeah, sure. If you paid any attention to Episodes IV-VI you already know who he is. Also, those subtle facial expressions and tones of voice suggesting devious intentions sure do lend an air of, shall we say, insidiousness, to him.

So do the Master Jedi Knights pick up on Palpatine's two-faced treachery? No. The eight year-old kids at the theater see it plain as day, but to the leaders of the Jedi Council, people who have undergone the most stringent of training for detecting such duplicity, people who have freakin' powers of mind control and are sitting right across the desk from this guy, to them Palpatine seems A-OK.

Anyway, the whole point of this scene is to set up Obi-Wan "Ewen McGregor looks goofy in a beard" Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as Amidala [natalieportman.com] 's bodyguards since it seems like somebody is trying to kill her. Of course it is Palpatine who suggests this. My goodness, what sort of deviltry is he up to? We also briefly see Jar-Jar Binks stroll by in the background. No lines for him in this scene, though.

Prior to Amidala [natalieportman.com] getting hooked up with her Jedi, we get to meet the two of them alone in an elevator. Anakin is now a moody teen and his pining for Natalie Portman [natalieportman.com] 's firm buttox is quite apparent. When the elevator door opens they are greeted by Jar-Jar and... he speaks! Nothing like a little racist, neo-Jamaican patois to tickle the funny bone.

Once the whole gang is reunited all the complex character development gets dumped, wholesale, in about 45 seconds of screen time. Obi-Wan is the wise yet caring teacher, Anakin is straining under the throes of pubescent hormonal lust and good old rebellion, while Amidala [natalieportman.com] is distant yet maternal in her care for Anakin. Jar-Jar appears to be little more than house nigger.

The next scenes begin to suggest why Lucas chose Attack of the Clones as title for this movie. All of the visual imagery was stolen from other people's films. The super-dense high rise cityscape, complete with moody nighttime lighting through half-open blinds, is equal parts Blade Runner and The Fifth Elephant to such an obvious degree that it is painful. We get to zoom about this impossibly crowded aerial metropolis at high speeds in a futuristic flying car chase. It's all Luc Besson at this point, including people falling from building to vehicle. You could swap Hayden Christensen (Anakin) with Bruce Willis at any point and the transition would be seamless (admittedly, replacing McGregor with Milla Jovovich might be noticed).

During this chase Anakin and Obi-Wan banter amusingly and offer flip one-liners. It almost works, but not quite. After the necessary crash to end the pursuit we swing fully into Ridley Scott's corner with teeming ground-level streets and a seedy bar full of oddly dressed people.

There's some sort of plot development going on through all this, but it's not very important. What is important is that this movie tries very hard to drop little nuggets of joy for the aging Star Wars fan base. The first one occurs outside the aforementioned bar when a bounty hunter who looks an awful lot like the Boba Fett of Episodes IV-VI kills somebody and then zooms off with his nifty jet pack. It is at this point where the first real signs of plot strain begin to show.

Now for some reason Obi-Wan is going to a mysteriously undocumented planet to investigate whatever the hell it is that we're supposed to care about, while Anakin stays behind to give the screenwriter a convenient opportunity to have Amidala [natalieportman.com] reciprocate Anakin's puppy love.

The mystery planet is actually a sterile looking clone factory run by tall, lizard necked folks. Hard to say which movie set is being cloned, since the sterile, white, space-based science facility has been done so many times before. It's probably safe to credit Kubrick with being the biggest victim of theft here. All the clones themselves look vaguely ethnic. Additionally, they are apparently the precursor to Stormtroopers. Basically, at the factory they quickly breed a bunch of brown-skinned people who are literally identical looking, dress them up in white armor, and now they represent a huge, sinister force. What exactly is George Lucas trying to say here?

The lizard-necked scientists are a bit daft and don't realize they are revealing details to the wrong person when they tell Obi-Wan that the clones were ordered 10 years ago by a supposedly long-dead Jedi. They are also oblivious to the error of revealing the presence of a bounty hunter and his cloned "son", named Jango and Boba Fett, respectively, at the station. People in technical professions like genetics and computer science are often socially and politically clueless that way, resulting in atrocities like nuclear weapons and peer-to-peer file sharing.

Jango and Obi-Wan have a tense little meeting where more plot details of some sort are revealed, including the fact that all the clones look just like Jango himself, and then they get into a fight. Neither one of them dies though, so they chase after each other in space ships instead.

Back in the world of sappy love stories, things are progressing quite slowly. Anakin is still behaving like the sort of teen you'd send to military school as punishment. This brings to mind another apparent failing of Jedi University. If they're so great at molding super-competent Jedi, how come they can't raise a teenager who isn't a whiny little brat?

Amidala [natalieportman.com] stays cold and distant to the advances of "Ani", and it's hard to see how they're going to end up getting busy and squirting out two kids. Then, they kiss. Yes, that abruptly. First she couldn't care less, then she's probing for tonsils. Whatever caused her change of heart apparently got left on the editing room floor.

George Lucas seems to be awfully fond of himself, so eventually he starts cloning his own movies. First Anakin has a dream about his mother being in pain, so he disobeys his orders and goes off to help her (Luke, 1:2). Amidala [natalieportman.com] tags along.

Of course helping Mom means dropping another joy nugget for the fans, so it's back to Tatooine yet again. We reminisce with Watto a bit, and then head out to an awfully familiar looking house. Yup, it's the same one where future whiny little Jedi wannabe Luke grows up, and we get to meet the aunt and uncle who will be so trivial in later movies. The plot strains become more noticeable.

But hey, what's the point of time spent on Tatooine of you don't get to see some Tusken Raiders? Seems they've kidnapped Anakin's mother, Shmi, so we get to bust a hang with a whole bunch of them. Hell, even the Jawas pop up for a cameo. Nothing like rehashing old ground when you can't come up with a decent plot device.

Oh yeah, Anakin's Mom dies in his arms just as he rescues her (how convenient), and then he goes bezerk and slaughters all the Tusken Raiders. Apparently this is bad. Even Yoda gets some negative Force vibes from it, and he's way on the other side of the galaxy.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan's story line isn't doing much better. Lacking anything more exciting to do in a space chase, they fly into an asteroid field. They even venture into an asteroid tunnel. To be fair though, the absolute coolest part of the whole movie happens in this scene. See, Jango Fett has these bomb thingies, and he's hurling them at Obi-Wan's ship. Whenever one of them hits an asteroid and detonates everything goes dead silent for a half second and then a wonderfully flanged and modulated kwaaang! rings out while a pale blue shock wave radiates through space. Hearing that sound is almost worth the price of admission.

Somehow Obi-Wan ends up on a droid factory planet pursuing Jango and Boba and he gets caught by the dread Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus/Saruman the White/Christopher Lee. Count Doofus tells him about some plot involving the Senate and the separatists that is entirely too confusing for this sort of movie. In short, he asks Obi-Wan to join him, and Obi essentially tells him to go fuck himself. Count Doodu responds to the snubbing by amassing a huge army of orcs, er, droids, and leaving Obi-Wan trapped in a tower until he is rescued by a giant owl.

Over on Tatooine, Amidala [natalieportman.com] is revealing herself to be quite the mischievous little minx, and she talks Anakin into going to save Obi-Wan. They arrive at the factory and proceed to battle their way through the exact same sorts of choppy, bashing mechanical bits that so flummoxed Sigourney Weaver in Galaxy Quest. R2-D2 has no problems with them though because he has jet packs. I don't recall him having jet packs before. I imagine they would have been very useful if he had managed to hang onto them for his later adventures.

I wish I could say C3PO did as well as R2, but his head gets lopped off and installed on one of those battle droids, while a battle droid's head gets stuck onto 3PO's ungainly frame. I don't want to ruin the movie, but I must tell you that much hilarity ensues from this manufacturing gaffe. But this movie isn't about droids, it's about clones, so let's get back to those.

The next clone returns us to Ridley Scott territory. Anakin and Amidala [natalieportman.com] get captured, and are joined with Obi-Wan in a gladiator arena (yes, a gladiator arena) where they are forced to fight animals and robots to the death. It is at this point where Natalie Portman [natalieportman.com] 's midriff begins to receive significant screen time.

Things go well at first, then our protagonists get into trouble as the robots multiply. All seems lost until Samuel Jackson's bald head strides in, accompanied by a whole bunch of other Jedi. Jedi and robot go at it in great numbers and there's lots of glowing phalluses being wielded about and much carnage. Jango Fett flies on into the fray only to get beheaded by Mace Windu. His young clone Boba seems to find this upsetting, and presumably he'll be holding a grudge for some time over this.

Things go well (again) until our protagonists get into trouble (again) as the robots multiply (again). The next turn in the battle occurs when Yoda comes strafing into the arena with several ships loaded with clones and utters his most absurdly spoken line ever: "Around the survivors a perimeter create!" It made me want to beat Frank Oz to death with a copy of Labyrinth.

As the arena battle winds down and everybody leaves to chase the fleeing Count Dooker we see Boba Fett cradling his progenitor's severed head. Somebody should get the kid some counseling or he's going to have some real issues later on.

After a rolling battle across the plains of... whatever planet they're on ...Doochu gets cornered by Anakin and Obi-Wan. As anybody who's ever seen one of the other Star Wars movies can tell you, it's light saber time.

Anakin attacks. Anakin gets tossed in the corner like a sack of dirty laundry. Obi-wan attacks. Obi-Wan gets beaten down like a filthy Scottish actor. Anakin attacks again, this time in the dark and with two glowing phalluses! He looks a lot like one of those irritating Rave kids waving glowsticks about, but he must've forgotten to take his vitamin E because he gets his hand chopped right off. Yes, his hand. The right one. Just like his future son. Oh, the anachronistic irony! This is profound stuff.

Our protagonists are once again in trouble and all seems lost (again) until... ninja Yoda!

He comes hobbling in on his cane looking a bit feeble, but oh is he pissed. After a short hand gesturing bit of "My Schwartz if bigger than yours" they get down to the wand waving. But Yoda doesn't grab his saber. Nosirree, he telekenesifies it from his belt to his wrinkled green paw. Yoda is one bad mother fucker.

He flips, he spins, he darts through the air like a mosquito on crack. If you watch Iron Monkey on fast forward it still won't come close to the acrobatics of this little gremlin. However, he doesn't win. He's forced to chose between killing Count Doosey and saving the other two Jedi from a falling pillar, and he lets the Count go. Despite his ninja skills, Yoda is a humanitarian at the core. The next shot shows the Count flying away in a ship powered by some sort of solar sail (the "hard science" geeks are going to love that bit).

As the movie draws to a close we see Anakin flexing his new prosthetic hand, just like Luke does in Episode V. It might be chilling if it weren't so contrived. When a screenwriter/director has a decade and a half to come up with a prequel you would expect him to conclude with something a little less obvious. But, that's what you get when you focus on joy nuggets of nostalgia for a pathetic group of emotionally underdeveloped adults.

Re:Anakin Loses A Hand (-1)

neal n bob (531011) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530424)

mod this up - no spoiler review.

I'm almost jealous (5, Insightful)

theRhinoceros (201323) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530314)

Of all the 8 and 9 year olds who will be able to see the series as a whole at nearly the same time, without having to accrue 20 years of cynicism, rose-colored retrospection and inflated expectations between viewing the older and newer trilogies. My feelings regarding the movies have been tempered and altered so severely by time that to expect "as good or better than ESB" (a common refrain in fandom) is simply ridiculous, due to the one thing Lucas cannot possibly do: make me an 9-year old again.

Not try to lone gunmen? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530319)

Lucas hasn't exactly redeemed himself this time around

I dunno about you but that just ruined it for me. I was going into AOTC totally blind and hoping for the best, now you've squashed it. Thanks slashshit!

Hmm, dare I say it... (1)

f00zbll (526151) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530324)

A well written article that tackles the specifics of the movie, minus rants about open source. Thanks for the review. I don't care about spoilers, so anyone who has seen it please provide more detailed critique of the movie.

Uh-oh! (1)

Black Aardvark House (541204) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530327)

Ironically enough, several of the CG chars outshine their human counterparts.

Now the CG actors will demand higher pay and representino in Screen Actors Guild.

You Laugh, but... (1)

asdfasdfasdfasdf (211581) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530471)

I can really see this happening. Lead animators (or animator teams) are incredibly talented folks, and it takes a true gift to pull off the subtleties of human action. I thought Yoda was "the best Yoda ever" -- in all the scenes, not just those where he was kung-fu fighting.

As CGI Characters come into their own, I could see truly gifted CG Artists becoming "unknown moviestars," demanding very high salaries for their work. They could one day be the most versitile actors in hollywood-- perhaps even garnering a "best actor" type oscar category.

Don't laugh, it could happen.

Haven't seen it yet... (1)

Parsa (525963) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530329)

But I'm going to. I just want to see the lightsaber fights. I mean really, isn't that what everyone really wanted out of the originals?

"Come on Luke, whip out that saber and put the smack down on someone."

I'll go see this one and I'll gladly pay $8.00 as long as the lightsabre fights rock.

So what you're saying is.... (1)

trcooper (18794) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530331)

So confession time, I still don't think Phantom Menace was that bad. If you mentally filter out every sequence that Jar Jar is on the scene, and maybe the midochlorians, and trim that Pod Race scene down, there's a good movie in there. Not great. Just not sucksville.

If the first movie hadn't sucked so bad, it wouldn't have sucked? Wow.

Australia (4, Funny)

dingo (91227) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530333)

I just got home from watching it and I must say it really is quite good. One problem that Ihad though is that a lot of the minor characters ("uncle" owen, his father, amidalas security chief etc) are Australian tv actors, and it is a bit distracting. amidalas security chief specifically has been in an Australian childrens program called Play School so i kept imagining him singing the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round....
otherwise,great

Same problem in Star Trek: TNG (5, Funny)

Soulfader (527299) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530428)

We had the same problem with Geordi LaForge (LeVar Burton) from Reading Rainbow. =)

StarWars II should have been named Space Balls II (0, Redundant)

skarlson (552477) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530336)

Unbelivable crap.

Re:StarWars II should have been named Space Balls (0)

Cheesy Fool (530943) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530376)

What? Spaceballs is probably the best thing to come out of star wars.

Re:StarWars II should have been named Space Balls (1)

wbattestilli (218782) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530446)

Actually, this is more true than you think. The title proposed title for Space Balls II (as stated by Yogurt in Space Balls) was "Space Balls II: The Search for More Money".

Questions (2, Insightful)

MJArrison (154721) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530338)

In what scene in Menace was Yoda CG?

Does anybody know where I can find a list of digital theatres presenting the film?

Re:Questions (1)

mcwetboy (561083) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530480)

In what scene in Menace was Yoda CG?

At the end: "Promote you to the level of Jedi Knight, the Council does." I think.

Re:Questions (3, Informative)

keesh (202812) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530492)

There was one bit right at the end when he was walking round telling Obi Wan he could train Manakin. The "Agree with you the council does" bit was CGed.

Yeah, ok, but.... (1)

KirkH (148427) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530347)

Is it better than Spider-Man?

Spider-Man rocked so hard that I'm having a hard time imagining that Ep. 2 will be the better movie.

Lines you won't hear Mace say... (5, Funny)

bahtama (252146) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530349)

I found this and thought I might pass it on, especially considering your comment on Mace.

It is called "the TOP 10 Things [netscrap.com] We Want To Hear Samuel L. Jackson's Character 'Jedi Master Mace Windu' Say in the Star Wars Prequels."

An example is, "Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says, 'Bad MotherF***er.'" :)

Re:Lines you won't hear Mace say... (1)

f00zbll (526151) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530387)

Must admit first time I've seen that. Funny as F*cking hell, ROTFLMAO!!

Re:Lines you won't hear Mace say... (1)

sehryan (412731) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530447)

Actually, I read somewhere that he has "BMF" engraved on his light saber. Saw it in the Trivia section of EPII at imdb.

Re:Lines you won't hear Mace say... (2, Interesting)

ultraexactzz (546422) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530474)

Interestingly enough, Samuel L Jackson's lightsaber *DID* in fact have "B.M.F." engraved in the hilt, standing for "Bad Motherf***er", of course... I believe IMDB has it listed under Trivia for Episode II, though I do not have the link.

Translation for our Italian friends. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530351)

Lucas non si è riacquistato esattamente questo volta intorno, ma ha eliminato la maggior parte del più difettoso della minaccia fantasma dalla mia memoria. Clona comincia lento e prende la metà di movie realmente per cominciare ottenere andante. Ma l'ora finale infine ritiene ancora come le guerre della stella. Colto sopra per la mia revisione completa proverò non al gunman solo la cosa, ma siete stati avvertiti.
Così tempo di confession, ancora non penso che la minaccia fantasma sia stata quel Male. Se filtrate mentalmente fuori ogni sequenza che il vaso del vaso è sulla scena e forse sui midochlorians e sulla cornice che scena della corsa del baccello giù, ci è un buon movie in là. Non grande. Appena non sucksville. Così ho entrato in clono la speranza che Lucas aveva imparato la sua lezione e principalmente ha.

Gran parte del getto dalla minaccia è indietro. Purtroppo nessun degli attori principali controllano a tiro delle prestazioni di standout. Anakin poco è migliorato dalla minaccia. So che è supposto di essere pieno di rabbia e di angst, ma principalmente si stacca appena come constipated e bitchy. Amidala sembra essere prendere un po'di un pelo. Le loro scene romantiche sono insieme le scene dei binks del vaso del vaso di questo movie: Esso pause giuste l'azione e comportarsi sono così difettosi che il movie si arresta fino a qualcosa interessare accaduto.

Il resto del getto è molto più meglio. Ewan McGregor infine ha afferrato sul ruolo di Obi WAN. È un po'preachy, ma funziona. Samuel L Jackson è i badass Jedi che lo desideriamo essere. Il senatore Palpatine è molto grazioso lo stesso tipo dell'ultima volta intorno. E Dooku, il tipo difettoso principale del flick è abbastanza eccellente anche. Il relativo piacevole avendo villians con le facce poiché realmente ottengono comportarsi una punta. La famiglia di Fett ha ritenuto un poco forzato, ma era interessante.

La maggior parte del notabile questo volta intorno è i caratteri del cgi. Il vaso avuto del vaso di episodio I naturalmente, Watto e molti altri carboni di CG, ma la minaccia crammed letteralmente in pieno di loro. E la tecnologia e gli animatori sono migliorare sostanzialmente dall'ultima rappresentazione. Più non attaccano fuori come i pollici irritati ora che soltanto attaccano fuori come un pollice con una punta piccola di un nastro. Yoda è naturalmente l'più importante del CG carbonizza tutto probabilmente si ricorda della animazione horrible sulla sua scena di un CG in Menance, ma dentro lo clona è CG tutto il senso. Ciò è un affare enorme dato che dissimile più dei carboni che di CG abbiamo visto finora, questo funziona quasi perfettamente. Ci sono lle coppie dei colpi in cui non sembra abbastanza di destra... ma quelle sono l'eccezione e non della regola.

Che cosa sono il detto è che i caratteri di CG infine hanno entrato nei loro propri. Nella minaccia, tutto che potrei pensare circa è il fatto che erano CG. Il fatto che non looke abbastanza a destra. Questa volta intorno sono parte giusta dell'esposizione. Un altro dialogo mediocre di trasporto del membro del getto. Abbastanza ironicamente, vari del CG carbonizzano il outshine le loro controparti umane.

Il movie nell'insieme sembra grande. Molti dei costumi assomigliano molto più alle guerre della stella. Dall'esercito del clone, a Amidala che porta un costume bianco per l'ultimo atto, le cose osservano appena come le prevedrei a. Otteniamo vedere alcuni insiemi esperti da una nuova speranza così come la minaccia e che tutto realmente contribuisce a fare il tatto di movie come un flick di guerre della stella. Inoltre aiuta che il CG ha continuato a migliorare.

Inoltre vorrei notare che non ho ottenuto vederlo sullo schermo digitale. Progetto sul vederlo digitale nella settimana o nei 2 seguente... Ho calcolato vedrei che al teatro locale ed assicurarsi esso non ha succhiato prima che mi preoccupassi di guidare a Southfield per vederlo in splendor digitale pieno.

Il resto della revisione metterà a fuoco poco un più sul diagramma. Siete stati avvertiti. La storia è naturalmente in gran parte una storia di amore. Ci è stato una minaccia su vita del Amidala ed i suoi amici anziani Anakin ed Obi-WAN sono stati assegnati dal Consiglio di Jedi per proteggerli. Lo studio del tentativo di asassination conduce Obi-WAN ad un pianeta lontano assente in cui ha scoperto un esercito del clone che è costruito e ad una cospirazione per sopprimergli le informazioni. Anakin ed Amidala passano insieme il tempo ed ottengono più vicino con una serie di scene romantiche pseudi scomode dove entrambi osservano come piuttosto sarebbero stati nei movies differenti. La loro mancanza assoluta di chimica quasi sta divertendo.

Obi-WAN entra in un certo smack ed in modo da Anakin ed Amidala vanno salvarli, per concludersi soltanto sul composto del livello di smack intorno per i buoni tipi. Nel frattempo il senato fa la relativa cosa e una variazione importante nell'alimentazione accade. Impariamo chi è responsabile dell'esercito del clone e che cosa il programma per esso è.

L'ultima ora di clona è il profitto. Una battaglia degna del trilogy originale. Non sto andando entrare in esso becuase che potrebbe rovinarlo, ma lascio per fare i seguenti punti. In primo luogo, infine abbiamo abbastanza azione chiara del saber. La lotta voluminosa di jedi che tutti abbiamo conosciuto questi prequels potrebbe offrirla. Ed il mio dio era mai esso degno l'attesa. Ma inoltre abbiamo macis Windu dare dei calci all'asino ed infine, Yoda ottiene la sua probabilità dimostrare perchè così altamente si considera.

I paralleli ad altri movies in serie dell'interruttore, particolarmente colpi dell'impero indietro sono molti. Sto evitando accennandoli qui, ma dirò che la pellicola prova a concludersi su una nota scura che è fredda.

Il teatro imballato che ho visto questo realmente ha sembrato ritenermi lo stesso senso. Alcune risate scomode durante le scene romanzesche livellano gli snickers durante la sequenza di picnic di suono-de-musica. Ma quando le battaglie finali sono venuto intorno ci erano acclamazioni intorno.

E quello realmente la somma in su. Ha occorr 3,5 ore della pellicola del prequel per ottenerlo al profitto. Per alcuno non potrebbe essere degno l'attesa... ma per me, sono solo felice a infine di vedere che la maggior parte di che cosa è stato promesso delievered. E sono reinvigorated verso le guerre della stella. Se l'episodio III può prendere dove II ha terminato, III dovrebbe infine essere le guerre Prequel della stella che stiamo aspettando.

Re:Translation for our Italian friends. (1)

Zen Mastuh (456254) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530420)

Mille grazie, cara. Sai qualche é la differenza tra giocare con i lego e fare l'amore?

Yeah, baby! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530358)

Yeah, baby!

I just poured hot grits down a naked and petrified Natalie Portman's pants! (She wasn't wearing them at the time.)

Envy me, Slashbots!

Mixed reviews (5, Informative)

scubacuda (411898) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530361)

Thus far, it's gotten very different reviews.

Roger Ebert ripped it a new asshole [suntimes.com] , saying that the characters talk "more like lawyers than the heroes of a romantic fantasy."

Other reviews, however, were very positive (FilmThreat.com [filmthreat.com] had a cool review here [filmthreat.com] and here [filmthreat.com] .

If you've got the time, look at the smorgasbord of reviews [mrqe.com] on www.mrqe.com.

What's with the Jar Jar hatred? (0)

purplebear (229854) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530362)

Go ahead mod this as flaimbait. It is. So just do it. It's not like I have any karma anyway.
What the hell was wrong with Jar Jar anyway? I liked him. I thought he was hilarious. And that begs me to ask, was it just Jar Jar that ruined Menace for you morons, or what? I thought Menace rocked, and I am sure Clones will too.
Anyone who hates these movies so much should just not go see them or buy the DVD's. I, on the other hand, will see all SW flicks and buy them all as well.

Re:What's with the Jar Jar hatred? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530416)

Shut your fucking face, Gungan fucka

Lucas killing off his own loyal fanbase... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530369)

Maybe it's greed or maybe it's really rusty writing skills, but it looks like Lucas is doing a better job of dis-enfranchising fans than any other competitor ever could have.

Really is a pity.

True? (1)

Link-chan (566296) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530371)

I've heard that Episode I becomes a much better movie if you see Episode II.

The Microsoft Way... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530374)

If Episode III can pick up where II left off, III should finally be the Star Wars Prequel that we've been waiting for.

Version three is always the good one...

CG Improvements (1)

coryboehne (244614) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530379)

You state that the CG has improved to the point that it's actually difficult to tell a CG from a real actor, with all of the new CG perfections ironically enough I think that the most important is probably the addition of small imperfections in CG actors, for some reason we just can't accept a perfect actor, it does'nt click with our brains right. I just wonder how long it will be before we have a semi-realistic all CG movie.

Re:CG Improvements (3, Interesting)

the Man in Black (102634) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530436)

Shush! Flannel Man will hear you!

"I have a sneaking suspicion that if there were a way to make movies without actors, George (Lucas) would do it." -- Mark Hamill (source, imdb.com)

Re:CG Improvements (1)

spaten-optimator (560694) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530490)

Um, hello? Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within?

I'm not much for Final Fantasy storylines, sometimes, but if you want to see INCREDIBLE CG, that movie is a prime example. First time I saw it, I was actually able to suspend belief for short periods of time, and imagine that the characters were actual, human, actors. (Except when they started talking - they still need to get lip synching right.)

But the creators of FF:Spirits mentioned that they used airbrushing to add wrinkles and other aging features to their characters (to add realism to them). If you haven't seen it, you should check it out.

Spoiler...? Jar Jar dooms us all! (1)

centron (61482) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530383)

I found it ammusing that a case could be made that Jar Jar is responsible for the fall of the entire Republic.

Re:Spoiler...? Jar Jar dooms us all! (5, Funny)

bje2 (533276) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530457)

I thought that exactly!!!! as soon as Palpatine made the comment in the chambers that they could've counted on Padame if she was there, and then they zoomed in on Jar-jar...i was like, no, Jar-Jar don't do it...

i could see it coming, then he was just so smug with himself when he got the senate to go along with it...it's his fault...he gave palpatine full power...first he ruined Ep I, now the galaxy...

Re:Spoiler...? Jar Jar dooms us all! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530486)

someone pointed that out to me after the movie, and when you think about it, it NEARLY.. just NEARLY makes up for having to listen to him again for a short while - which was faaaaar too long IMHO...

he was only meant to be a tiny character in this film, he still got waay too much airtime for my liking..

other than that tho - EXCELLENT movie... its starwars - of course its exellent!

Honestly, I liked it. (1)

Ikari Gendou (93109) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530396)

Perhaps it's because I'm not a raging Star Wars fan. I haven't read any of the Star Wars novels, or anything else about Star Wars. I just watch the movies.
I think what's neat though, is when you realize that our kids will be able to watch Star Wars from ep 1 to ep 6 straight through, and watching the story unfold more and more each movie. We've been seeing "spoilers" for what, 25 years? We already know what's gonna happen ;)

The real core of the story... (2, Insightful)

Soulfader (527299) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530405)

...for me has always been the change from Anakin Skywalker to Darth Vader. It seems odd on the surface, but the most interesting element of the first trilogy was a transition that occurred years before.

It's just kind of fascinating. How does someone become what they've sworn to oppose? From Obi-Wan's comments in the original trilogy, you see a picture of Anakin as a good friend, a decent guy who falls from grace and becomes a great force for evil (no pun intended). Sure, the "redemption" at the end of RotJ is good, but we want to see the fall. =)

Even before seeing Episode I, my money was on Episode III to be what I was really waiting for. I and II are important to set these things up--I'll know more when I catch the 10:40 showing tonight--but the real story is going to be in Ep3.

How to bring about such a dark (Darth?) result while ending in such a way that the audiences won't hang him in effigy (or in fact) is something that I hope Lucas can pull off.

Big Surprise (1)

dingo (91227) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530406)

I had a thought when I was watching it. I reckon Dooku will end up being Annikins father. That would be a surprise (to everyone who does not read this or forgets by episode III) and we could dispose of the crappy midiclorians.
If this happens I think i will get this comment framed :)

Star Wars is dying. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530409)

It is now official - Netcraft has confirmed: Star Wars* is dying

Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Star Wars* community when recently IDC confirmed that Star Wars* accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all movies. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Star Wars* has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. Star Wars* is collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last [samag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.

You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict Star Wars*'s future. The hand writing is on the wall: Star Wars* faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for Star Wars* because Star Wars* is dying. Things are looking very bad for Star Wars*. As many of us are already aware, Star Wars* continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood. Attack of the Clones is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

LucasArts leader "George Lucas" states that there are 7000 users of The Phanom Menace. How many users of Empire Strikes Back are there? Let's see. The number of Empire Strikes Back versus Phantom Menace posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 Phantom Menace users. Return of the Jedi posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of Phantom Menace posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of Return of the Jedi. A recent article put Attack of the Clones at about 80 percent of the Star Wars* market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 Attack of the Clones users. This is consistent with the number of Attack of the Clones Usenet posts.

Due to the troubles of LucasArts, abysmal sales and so on, Attack of the Clones went out of business and was taken over by Dreamworks who sell another troubled OS. Now Dreamworks is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.

All major surveys show that Star Wars* has steadily declined in market share. Star Wars* is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Star Wars* is to survive at all it will be among OS hobbyist dabblers. Star Wars* continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Star Wars* is dead.

Fact: Star Wars* is dead

Review -- in the language of diplomacy (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530410)

Lucas ne s'est pas exactement racheté cette fois autour, mais il a éliminé les la plupart du plus mauvais de la menace fantôme de ma mémoire. Copie commence lent, et il prend la moitié du film pour commencer vraiment à obtenir allant. Mais l'heure finale se sent finalement comme des guerres d'étoile encore. Lu dessus pour ma revue complète j'essayerai pas au seul bandit armé la chose, mais vous avez été avertis.
Ainsi temps de confession, je ne pense toujours pas que la menace fantôme était ce mauvais. Si vous filtrez mentalement dehors chaque ordre qui la fiole de fiole est sur la scène, et peut-être les midochlorians, et l'équilibre qui scène de course de cosse vers le bas, il y a un bon film dans là. Non grand. Juste pas sucksville. Ainsi je suis entré dans copie espérer que Lucas avait appris sa leçon, et il a la plupart du temps.

Une grande partie de la fonte de la menace est de retour. Malheureusement aucun des acteurs principaux ne contrôle à la traction d'une exécution de standout. Anakin est peu amélioré de la menace. Je sais qu'il est censé être plein de la colère et de l'angst, mais la plupart du temps il se dégage juste comme constipated et bitchy. Amidala semble être prise un peu un petit somme. Leurs scènes romantiques sont ensemble les scènes de binks de fiole de fiole de ce film: Lui des pauses justes l'action, et l'action est si mauvais que le film cale jusqu'à quelque chose intéresser produit.

Le reste de la fonte est bien mieux. Ewan McGregor a finalement saisi sur le rôle d'Obi WAN. Il est un peu preachy, mais cela fonctionne. Samuel L Jackson est les badass Jedi que nous voulons qu'il soit. Le sénateur Palpatine est joli plus ou moins le même type que la fois passée autour. Et Dooku, type principal de la chiquenaude le mauvais est assez excellent aussi. Son gentil ayant des villians avec des visages puisqu'ils obtiennent réellement d'agir un peu. La famille de Fett a senti forcé, mais il était intéressant.

La plupart de notable cette fois est autour les caractères de cgi. La fiole eue de fiole de l'épisode I naturellement, le Watto, et beaucoup d'autres chars de CG., mais la menace est littéralement fourrée complètement d'eux. Et la technologie et les animateurs se sont améliorés sensiblement depuis la dernière apparence. Pas plus ils collent dehors comme les pouces endoloris maintenant qu'ils collent simplement dehors comme un pouce avec un peu d'un ruban. Yoda est naturellement le plus important du CG. carbonise chacun se rappelle probablement l'animation horrible sur son scène d'un CG. dans Menance, mais le copie dedans est CG. toute la manière. C'est une affaire énorme puisque différent la plupart des chars de CG. que nous avons vus jusqu'ici, celui-ci travaille presque parfaitement. Il y a des couples des projectiles où il ne semble pas tout à fait exact... mais tels sont l'exception, et pas de la règle.

Ce qui suis je l'énonciation est que les caractères de CG. ont finalement hérité leurs propres. Dans la menace, tout que je pourrais penser environ est le fait qu'ils étaient CG.. Le fait qu'ils pas looke tout à fait bien. Cette fois autour ils sont partie juste de l'exposition. Un autre dialogue médiocre livrant de membre de fonte. Assez ironiquement, plusieurs du CG. carbonise l'outshine leurs contre-parties humaines.

Le film dans l'ensemble semble grand. Plusieurs des costumes semblent beaucoup plus comme des guerres d'étoile. De l'armée de clone, à Amidala portant un costume blanc pour le dernier acte, les choses regardent juste comme je m'attendrais à les à. Nous obtenons de voir quelques ensembles familiers d'un nouvel espoir aussi bien que la menace, et que tout contribue vraiment à faire le sentir de film comme une chiquenaude de guerres d'étoile. Elle aide également que le CG. a continué à s'améliorer.

Je voudrais également noter que je n'ai pas obtenu de la voir sur l'écran numérique. Je projette sur le voir numérique dans la prochains semaine ou 2... J'ai figuré je verrais qu'il au théâtre local et s'assurer il n'a pas sucé avant que j'aie pris la peine de conduire à Southfield pour le voir dans le plein splendor numérique.

Le reste de la revue concentrera peu un plus sur la parcelle de terrain. Vous avez été avertis. L'histoire est naturellement en grande partie une histoire d'amour. Il y a eu une menace la vie d'Amidala, et ses vieux amis Anakin et Obi-WAN ont été affectés par le Conseil de Jedi pour la protéger. L'investigation de la tentative d'asassination mène Obi-WAN à une planète loin partie où il a découvert une armée de clone étant construite, et à une conspiration pour supprimer des informations sur elle. Anakin et Amidala passent le temps ensemble et obtiennent plus étroitement par une série de pseudo scènes romantiques maladroites où ils tous les deux regardent comme ils auraient plutôt été dans différents films. Leur manque total de chimie amuse presque.

Obi-WAN entre dans un certain smack, et ainsi Anakin et Amidala vont le sauver, pour finir seulement vers le haut de composer le niveau du smack autour pour les bons types. En attendant le sénat fait sa chose et une variation importante dans la puissance se produit. Nous apprenons qui est responsable de l'armée de clone, et ce qu'est le plan pour lui.

La dernière heure de copie est le profit. Une bataille digne du trilogy original. Je n'vais pas entrer dans lui le becuase qui pourrait l'abîmer, mais laisse faire les remarques suivantes. D'abord, nous avons finalement assez d'action légère de saber. Le combat massif de jedi que nous tous avons connu ces prequels pourrait nous offrir. Et mon dieu était lui jamais en valeur l'attente. Mais nous prenons également le macis Windu donner un coup de pied l'âne, et enfin, Yoda obtient sa chance de prouver pourquoi il est tellement fortement considéré.

Les parallèles à d'autres films de la série de commutateur, particulièrement grèves d'empire en arrière sont beaucoup. J'évite les mentionnant ici, mais je dirai que le film essaye de finir sur une note foncée qui est fraîche.

Le théâtre emballé que j'ai vu ceci vraiment a semblé sentir la même manière que moi. Quelques rires maladroits pendant les scènes romanes égalisent des snickers pendant l'ordre de pique-nique de bruit-de-musique. Mais quand les batailles finales sont venues autour il y avait des acclamations autour.

Et cela l'additionne vraiment vers le haut. Cela a pris 3,5 heures de film de prequel pour nous obtenir au profit. Pour certains il ne pourrait pas avoir été en valeur l'attente... mais pour moi, je suis simplement heureux à finalement de voir que les la plupart de ce qui a été promis delievered. Et je suis reinvigorated vers des guerres d'étoile. Si l'épisode III peut reprendre où II a cessé, III devrait finalement être les guerres Prequel d'étoile que nous avions attendues.

Between the fans at Big Newport (5, Interesting)

gsfprez (27403) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530412)

the long lines, the sound systems cranked up, the beach balls...

I had almost forgotten what Star Wars could be like.

But the first flight of fancy in the buildings of Courissant (sp?) - i was hooked!

I'm sorry - but this was almost the best of the movies to date - just below Empire, of course..

It FELT like a Star Wars movie again.. when you were first taken to strange new worlds (sorry) and got to see aliens and battles.. villians who's asses you want to see kicked...

this movies has it all back.

I think one of the best things that Lucas has done with this one is the fact that there are actual twists and turns!

I mean, is the good-guy a bad-guy? Are the good guys fighting against the wrong person? The Good Guys fighting along side StormTroopers!?!

I won't give spoilers - but I will say that this movie does bring back everything I loved about seeing the first movie when i was 5 with my dad at Big Newport (70mm of holy-crap-its-so-freaking-big screen)... and maybe part of why I loved it so much WAS getting to see this one - opening night - in the same theatre...

i could be misguided.. but i'll be seeing this movie time and time again... just like the original 3.

Episode II was Quite Good (1)

KoopaTroopa (549540) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530413)

I really enjoyed EP2, though I feared it would suck.

Did anyone else think that it had the worst Star Wars dialogue yet?

(paraphrasing, but not exaggerating, [also perhaps a spoiler]) "I see that we cannot solve this dispute through our mastery of force powers, Master Yoda. We must settle this with our usage of the light saber." [Dooku]

This just made me cringe.

Also, the constant cutting back and forth between the huge fight and the droids was distracting to me. I thought C3PO's puns were funny, but it distracted from the enormous army of clones, drones, and Jedi raging in battle in the background. *shrug* That just kind of bugged me.

Overall, Episode II really pleased me. I plan on seeing it again.

Re:Episode II was Quite Good (3, Interesting)

Peyna (14792) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530485)

[obligatory spoiler warning]

It was better than I expected, if you can ignore the terrible dialogue and total lack of any reason at all being demonstrated for Anakin or Padme for having any kind of feelings for each other outside of their obligation to fulfil what we already know will happen. Oh you killed all those innocent people, how sad, now get over here and make love to me you bastard. Where did this deep undying love come from? They had a brief encounter 10 years ago, she was a pretty girl, he was 9 years old. Suddenly 10 years later, after a brief meeting, and his raging hormones, they're in love? psh.

There were a few CG scenes that looked a bit cheesy too, mostly involving the mounting of large animals or trying to stand up while riding them.

Perhaps my favorite line was something along the lines of: "You'll always be that little boy from Tatooine."

My biggest complaint about the dialogue was that we aren't allowed to think for ourselves or draw conclusions. They might as well said something like, "and now I am wielding my light saber so that I may kill you, don't I look dashing?"

It was still entertaining, but I liked Spiderman much better. There are many many better movies, I couldn't dare to list them all, but it isn't the worst movie ever either.

My Thoughts (No Spoilers) (5, Interesting)

bje2 (533276) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530418)

Episode II was light years better then Episode I...while there were numerous scenes in PM that made me cringe at how bad they were, there's very little of that here...

some things to look forward to if you haven't seen it yet...

- Yoda's climactic fight scene...everyone has heard it's coming, but you can't be prepared to see Yoda in a lightsaber duel...the crowd in my theatre was literally cheering the whole time, at how cool it was...

- Mace Windu also has some quality Lightsaber action, and some pretty bad-*ss scenes...only thing that would've made it better was if his lightsaber said "Bad A** Mother F*****" (Pulp Fiction Reference)...

- Hayden Christenson is a huge improvement over Jake Loyd as Anakin (then again it would be hard not to be)...he's brilliant in the scenes where he has to show flashes of evil and flashes of the dark side...

- From the trailers, i thought that the romantic part of the movie was gonna be super cheesy, but it's actually not as bad as i expected...though, there is one point when they're in that big field on a picnic, when it looks like a scene out of "Sound of Music"...

- The worst part (IMO) was Lucas' attempts at some uneeded humor (much like Jar-Jar in Ep I)...in Ep II he uses C3P0 and R2D2 to deliver this humor both physically (in a ridiculous sequence with C3P0) and also in a series of bad puns involving the two of them...

- Natalie Portman looks great in the movie...and if you've seen the trailers, you know the tight white top that she wears...well, let's just say, that it must be cold on Tatooine...

well, that's my thoughts...

Re:My Thoughts (No Spoilers) (1, Insightful)

David Wong (199703) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530461)

Ugh. Thank you George Lucas for jumping on Hollywood's nipple bandwagon.

No depth but fun in the end (1)

BagOBones (574735) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530423)

Well its starts slow but once you find out about the clones and ignore the love story the last bit is not bad.. It still looks funny but I think its hard to avoide.. Yoda looks funny kicking ass.. If you sit and imagin what yoda would look like kicking ass before you see the movie its kinda hard to imagin without laughing.. Jar Jar speaks again but not for long, even the other characters cut him off at times.. And the new Anikin is flat but not anoying like EP1

There is no life in this franchise (1, Insightful)

David Wong (199703) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530425)

Somebody said to me that George should just cut together a 45-minute special effects feature (like the Terminator 3D ride at Universal Studios) and call it what it is; a CGI ride.

Stop trying to shove this square peg into the round hole of drama and cinema; that's not what it is any more. This is not about human drama and character and emotion any more than the Bond films are about international politics. The action scenes don't dazzle because they're charged with emotion for the characters; they dazzle because of the technology, the pretty lights.

That's not a bad thing; I'm a sucker for fireworks. But save us the time; don't try to force awkward romance scenes, cobbled together from scenes from other movies into your effects feature. Do what you do best, George. Give us the ride and save us the hour and a half of plot setup.

More anticipated, Matrix2 or Episode2? (1)

IHavePowers (579272) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530429)

I'll probably go see Episode2, but Matrix2 is the one I really want to see.

Star Wars == Windows?! (2, Redundant)

the red pen (3138) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530434)

The "this one sucked less" tone of the review sadly reminds me of a lot of Microsoft Windows advocacy from past years. "Windows 95 crashes a lot less than Windows 3.1!" "With Windows 98, it only took me three tries to install the new hardware!"

Is Episode III, as the review suggests, likely to be the "Windows 2000" of Lucas' declining franchise? You know, "pretty good except for a few remaining legacy problems (Jar Jar)." I don't like to see movies that have to have apologetics any more than I like to run software that comes with a list of excuses. Windows Lemmings run Windows and claim it's the best, even if they don't really like it. Star Wars lemmings run out to see Lucas' latest (and then again on a digital screen 2 weeks from now) even though the substance of his films is insultingly weak.

The same market forces that have kept Windows so lousy are also at work setting up Episode III to be complete tripe (with great special effects).

Episode II will probably get nominated for best visual effects and I hope the next LoTR film bests it amongst the Academy voters.

You MUST see it ! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530435)

The evil emperor turns Natalie Portman NAKED AND PERTIFIED in the closing scene by his dark force power !

Translated for our Nazi friends (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530439)

Bericht: Stern Wars Episode II, Angriff von klont
Bekanntgegeben durch CmdrTaco am Donnerstag Mai 16, @12:00PM
von der erhalten-dies-Beteiligt-begonnenen Abteilung.
Lucas hat nicht sich genau dieses mal herum zurückgekauft, aber er hat aus die meisten vom schlechtesten der Phantomdrohung von meinem Gedächtnis abgewischt. Klont anläuft langsames und es nimmt Hälfte Film, um wirklich zu beginnen, gehend zu erhalten. Aber die abschließende Stunde glaubt schließlich wie Sternkriege wieder. An gelesen für meinen vollen Bericht versuche ich nicht zum einsamen bewaffneten Banditen die Sache, aber Sie sind gewarnt worden.

So confessionzeit, denke ich noch nicht, daß Phantomdrohung dieses Schlechte war. Wenn Sie geistlich heraus jede Reihenfolge filtern, die Glasglas auf der Szene und möglicherweise den midochlorians und Ordnung die Hülserennenszene unten ist, gibt es einen guten Film in dort. Nicht groß. Gerade nicht sucksville. So stieg ich in klone das Hoffen ein, daß Lucas seine Lektion erlernt hatte, und er hat meistens.

Viel der Form von der Drohung ist zurück. Leider handhaben keine der Hauptschauspieler zum Zug einer Herausragend-Leistung. Anakin wird wenig von der Drohung verbessert. Ich weiß, daß er vom Zorn und vom angst voll sein soll, aber meistens er gerade wie constipated und bitchy abkommt. Amidala scheint, das Nehmen zu sein ein wenig ein Haar. Ihre romantischen Szenen sind zusammen die Glasglasbinksszenen dieses Films: Es gerade Pausen die Tätigkeit und das Fungieren ist so schlecht, daß der Film bis etwas das Interessieren geschehen festklemmt.

Der Rest der Form ist viel besser. Ewan McGregor hat schließlich auf die Rolle von Obi Wan ergriffen. Er ist eine preachy Spitze, aber es funktioniert. Samuel L Jackson ist die badass Jedi, das wir ihn sein wünschen. Senator Palpatine ist hübsches viel das gleiche Halteseil wie letztes Mal herum. Und Dooku, das schlechte hauptsächlichhalteseil des leichten Schlages ist auch recht ausgezeichnet. Sein nettes, villians mit Gesichtern habend, da sie wirklich erhalten zu fungieren eine Spitze. Die Familie Fett glaubte gezwungenem wenig, aber es war interessant.

Die meiste angesehene Person dieses mal ist herum die cgi-Buchstaben. Crammed gehabtes Glasglas der Episode I selbstverständlich, Watto und viele andere CG-Putzfrauen, aber Drohung buchstäblich voll von ihnen. Und die Technologie und die Trickzeichner haben im wesentlichen seit der letzten Vertretung verbessert. nicht mehr sie haften heraus wie wunde Daumen, jetzt, das sie bloß heraus wie ein Daumen mit ein wenig eines Splitters haften. Yoda ist selbstverständlich des CG verkohlt jeder sich erinnert vermutlich den an schrecklichen Animation auf seiner Szene mit einen CG in Menance, aber klont innen ihn ist CG vollständig das wichtigste. Dieses ist ein sehr großes Abkommen, seit verschieden die meisten CG-Putzfrauen, die wir bis jetzt gesehen haben, diese arbeitet fast tadellos. Es gibt Paare der Schüsse, in denen es nicht... ziemlich recht scheint, aber die die Ausnahme sind, und nicht der Richtlinie.

Was ich bin, ist Saying, daß CG-Buchstaben schließlich in ihre Selbst gekommen sind. In der Drohung ist alle, die ich ungefähr denken könnte, die Tatsache, daß sie CG waren. Die Tatsache, daß sie nicht looke ziemlich nach rechts . Dieses Mal herum sind sie gerades Teil des Erscheinens. Ein anderer Formmitgliedsliefernder mittelmäßiger Dialog. Ironisch genug, verkohlt mehrere des CG outshine ihre menschlichen Gegenstücke.

Der Film schaut als Ganzes groß. Viele der Kostüme sehen viel mehr wie Sternkriege aus. Von der Klonarmee zu Amidala, das ein weißes Kostüm für die letzte Tat trägt, schauen Sachen gerade, wie ich sie zu erwarten würde. Wir erhalten, einige Sätze zu sehen, die von einer neuen Hoffnung sowie Drohung vertraut sind und daß alle wirklich zum Bilden Filmfühlen wie ein Sternkriegleichter Schlag beiträgt. Er hilft auch, daß das CG fortgefahren ist zu verbessern.

Ich möchte auch merken, daß ich nicht erhielt, ihn auf dem digitalen Schirm zu sehen. Ich plane auf dem Sehen er digital in der folgenden Woche oder in den 2..., Ich stellte dar, ich sehen würde, daß er am lokalen Theater und zu überprüfen es nicht sog, bevor ich störte, zu Southfield zu fahren, um es im vollen digitalen splendor zu sehen.

Der Rest des Berichts richtet wenig mehr auf Plot. Sie sind gewarnt worden. Die Geschichte ist selbstverständlich groß eine Liebegeschichte. Es hat eine Drohung auf dem Leben Amidalas gegeben, und ihre alten Freunde Anakin und Obi-Obi-Wan sind vom Rat Jedi zugewiesen worden, um sie zu schützen. Das Nachforschen des asassinationversuchs führt Obi-Obi-Wan zu einem weit wegplaneten, in dem er eine Klonarmee entdeckte, die konstruiert wurde, und zu einer Verschwörung, um Informationen über es zu unterdrücken. Anakin und Amidala verbringen die zusammen Zeit und erhalten nahe durch eine Reihe unbeholfene romantische Pseudoszenen, in denen sie beide schauen, wie sie eher in den unterschiedlichen Filmen gewesen sein würden. Ihr endgültiger Mangel an Chemie unterhält fast.

Obi-Obi-Wan erhält in etwas smack und also gehen Anakin und Amidala, ihn zu retten, um herauf das Niveau von smack herum zusammensetzen für die guten Halteseile nur zu beenden. Unterdessen tut der Senat seine Sache und eine Hauptverschiebung in der Energie tritt auf. Wir erlernen, wem für die Klonarmee verantwortlich ist und was der Plan für ihn ist.

Die letzte Stunde von klont ist der Payoff. Eine Schlacht angemessen vom ursprünglichen trilogy. Ich werde nicht in es einsteigen becuase, das es verderben konnte, aber lasse die folgenden Punkte bilden. Zuerst haben wir schließlich genügend helle Sabertätigkeit. Der massive jedikampf, dem alle wir diese prequels kannten, könnte uns anbieten. Und mein Gott war es überhaupt wert die Wartezeit. Aber wir haben auch Muskatblüte Windu, Esel zu treten, und endlich, erhält Yoda seine Wahrscheinlichkeit, zu prüfen, warum er so in hohem Grade betrachtet wird.

Die Ähnlichkeiten zu anderen Filmen in der Schalter-Reihe, besonders Reichschläge zurück sind viele. Ich vermeide, sie hier erwähnend, aber ich sage, daß der Film versucht, auf einer dunklen Anmerkung zu beenden, die kühl ist.

Das verpackte Theater, daß ich dieses wirklich sah, schien, der gleichen Weise wie ich zu glauben. Einig unbeholfenes Lachen während der Romanze Szenen glättet snickers während der Ton-von-Musikpicknickreihenfolge. Aber, als die abschließenden Schlachten herum kamen, gab es Beifall herum.

Und das- summiert es wirklich oben. Es dauerte 3,5 Stunden des prequelfilmes, um uns an den Payoff zu gelangen. Für einiges konnte es nicht wert die Wartezeit gewesen sein..., aber für mich, bin ich gerade glücklich zu schließlich zu sehen, daß die meisten von, was versprochen wurde, delievered. Und ich bin reinvigorated in Richtung zu den Sternkriegen. Wenn Episode III aufheben kann, wo II weg verließen, sollten III die Sternkriege Prequel schließlich sein, die wir gewartet haben.

Wait a minute (1)

Zerelli (579376) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530440)

THe review says that the council assigned Obi-Wan and Anniken to protect Amidala (I doubt I spelled those right). Why would they do that when they refused to make Anniken a Jedi in Episode I?

Re:Wait a minute (2)

bje2 (533276) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530477)

10 years have passes since Ep I...at the end of Ep I yoda gave in to Obi-wan's request to train Anakin (it was Qui-Gon's dieing wish)...in the past 10 years, Anakin has trained as a Padawan apprentice, and has become very advanced....

The worst episode ever. . . (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530441)

The pros are:

- impressive visuals
- impressive sound fx

The cons:

- the flattest story ever
- only one sentence dialouge sequences
- except for christopher lee and ian mcdiarmid the actors were really shallow (especially natalie portman)

mo

Why the stormtroopers suck in OT... (spoilers) (4, Funny)

matthewd (59896) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530450)

I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere yet, but did anyone notice how ATOC reveals why the Stormtroopers just plain sucked in ANH?

The clones were of Jango Fett, and the Kaminoans were keeping him around while this whole cloning project was going on. So apparently they needed fresh material from him to keep making clones.

After ATOC, they no longer have Jango Fett to clone, they started making clones of one of the clones. And you know how if you make a copy of a copy, it's not as sharp as the original....

See the movie Multiplicity to get a better idea of why the Stormtroopers are the way they are....

Dear Sirs: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530453)

133 articles in the "Star Wars" category. Get a fucking life - even the originals aren't that great, and the prequels plain suck. Stop feeding the Lucas money machine and find something interesting to report about.

It's not as if there is a shortage of movies more interesting than the repetitive kiddie fantasy that is the Star Wars series.

Jesus, give it up already, it's for the kids.

Mod me down if you want, but it has to be said. And a preemptive "fuck off" to those who will say "don't click on the story if you're not interested".

Reviews are in (2, Insightful)

Lonath (249354) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530460)

And it looks good. Given the amazing special effects and storyline I expect the MPAA will be able to use the profits to buy off 2-3 more congressmen and take away computers just a little bit faster. It's a good thing that just about everybody on /. is a hypocrite because on Monday we can all come back here and bitch about how the **AA has too much money and how they're trying to take away freedom after we just spent a weekend gorging ourselves on the latest crap they flung up against the wall to squeeze a little more money out of us. Well folx. if you see this movie, you deserve to not have any computers. Have a nice day.

And yes I *DO* have a lot of karma to burn, and no I *DON'T* care so mod me down you little hypocrite for hitting a little too close to home. You know I'm right.

The next episode (5, Funny)

marhar (66825) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530462)

Coming soon... Attack of the Amateur Movie Critics!

nipple?!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3530464)

Was I the only one who noticed the shot with Natalie Portman in the white outfit where you could see her nipple through her shirt?

Yeah baby, yeah!!

I'm honestly NOT joking! Did anyone else notice?

posting anonymously...

Not everybody thinks so.. (1)

Noobie (516574) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530467)

Clones starts off slow, and it takes half the movie to really start get going. But the final hour finally feels like Star Wars again.

I heard comments (from professionals) that final hour was NOT like you would expect Star Wars to be..

What we've known about Jon Katz for some time... (1)

Petrox (525639) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530468)

<i>I know he's supposed to be full of anger and angst, but mostly he just comes off as constipated and bitchy.</i>

yeah yeah, cheap shot

it sucked sooooooo badly (0, Flamebait)

remou (146100) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530473)

Oh my god,

I still can't belief how frigging bad
this movie was. Star Wars is ruined
forever...

Way beyond garbage...

Must have been the cheesiest peace
of shit I have ever seen!!!!!

The theater was sold out and I had
the strong feeling nobody could believe
how bad it was!!!

People were clapping and cheering not
at the good things, but at that cheesy
smack shit...

Cause it was soooo bad!!!!!

remo

I would have liked to be at Skywalker Ranch (5, Funny)

cnkeller (181482) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530483)

Scene: The revamped digital cutting room.

Cue: ringing phone

"Hello? Yes. Are you sure? Yes sir."

% rm -f /data/episodeii/ohDearGod/insync*.mov

The reviews from rest of world seem more upbeat, check out the force dot net [theforce.net] . I'll see it tomorrow, thanks to the girlfriend for picking up seats for the DLP viewing. Go digital.

lone gunman, vt (5, Funny)

R. Paul McCarty (3571) | more than 12 years ago | (#3530488)

lone gunman \'lon 'gun-mun\ vt 1: To spoil the ending of a film, television show or story by including details, which were meant to be a surprise by the writers, in a slashdot story title. 2: To make yourself look foolish by posting a story on slashdot which was poorly thought out, has more then 12 mispelled words, or mentions the DCMA.
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