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FTC Tells Search Engines to Disclose Paid Links

chrisd posted about 12 years ago | from the keeping-lame-search-engines-in-line dept.

The Internet 197

linderdm writes "CNN has an article describing how the FTC wants search engines who receive payment for higher rated links, to disclose this to users. The concern is that users go to search engines looking for the best results for their search criteria, not the highest paid results for their search."

cancel ×

197 comments

cool! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790241)

google already does this in more ways than one!

oh, fr05t p157

goatse ASCII art (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790334)

Jesus that is some of the funniest shit I have ever seen. I actually have a couple of T-shirts with the goatse picture ironed onto the pocket. I love the disturbed look my friends get when I wear it to a DnD game. Hell, I would like to get that picture on a mug. He should start selling shit like that. Mouse pads and keychains would never be looked at in the same way again. What I would really like to see is a picture of a pokemon character in that post, I just don't know which character I would have doing that.

Long live the goatse man!

Re:goatse ASCII art (-1)

GPL Troll (586731) | about 12 years ago | (#3790400)

Too bad he is already DEAD huh?!

Re:goatse ASCII art, okay, just for you... (-1)

Big_Ass_Spork (446856) | about 12 years ago | (#3790401)

For you, my friend, I will post my first Goatse.cx man ASCII art. My first...
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
g g
o / \ \ / \ o
a \ a
t `. : t
s` \ s
e \ / / \\\ -- \\ : e
x \ \/ --~~ ~-- \ x
* \ \-~ ~-\ *
g \ \ .--------.___\ g
o \ \// ((> \ o
a \ . C ) ((> / a
t /\ C )/ \ (> / t
s / /\ C) (> / \ s
e ( C__)\___/ // _/ / \ e
x \ \\// (/ x
* \ \) `---- --' *
g \ \ / / g
o / \ o
a / \ \ a
t / / \ t
s / / \/\/ s
e / e
x x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *

A question for the Recipe Troll (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790354)

What was the first dish that you made after seeing goatse for the first time? I know that was quite an inspiring experience for us all. Nothing like getting the creative juices flowing.

First Gay Tux!!! (-1)

Big_Ass_Spork (446856) | about 12 years ago | (#3790386)

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ven going so far &#9617&#9619as to say that all new &#9618&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9619 L&#9617&#9617 inux users (who are in
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aganda) should try &#9608&#9608&#9617out `man`. In no o th&#9618&#9619&#9608&#9618&#9617 er&#9617&#9617 syste m do users boast
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gay practice of blood-l&#9617&#9617etting &#9617&#9619&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9618 . The Slashbo&#9617&#9617ts, o f course are th
ose super-zealous hom o&#9617&#9619&#9608&#9619&#9619 &#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9608&#9608&#9618 sexuals [go&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 atse.cx] who take th
is p erversion to its e&#9617&#9618&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9608&#9608&#9608&#9618&#9617 xtreme b&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 y ripping open their
anuse s&#9617&#9617 , as see n o&#9617&#9619&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608&#9608 &#9608&#9608&#9618&#9617 n t he &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 site most popular wi
th Slashd o&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 t us&#9617&#9617&#9618&#9619&#9618 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617 ers,&#9617&#9618&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617 t he depraved work of
Satan, ht tp:&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617&#9618&#9618&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9618 &#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617 //www.eff.org/ [eff.or
g]. The ed itors&#9617&#9618&#9618&#9618&#9618 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617 &#9617 of Sl&#9617&#9618&#9618&#9618&#9618 &#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617 ashdot [slashduh.org] a
lso have ho mosexual&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 &#9617&#9617 [ goatse.cx] name&#9617&#9617&#9617&#9617 s: 'Hemos' is obvious in i
tself, being o ne vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Comma
nder Taco' whic h sounds a bit like 'Co mmode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for
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rancid flakes of penis [rotten.com] discharge) toppings. And to make it even
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m] server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homo
sexual [goatse.cx] activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the V


Created with UAG v0.96 (c)on by 2002 [slashdot.org]

Props to the CLIT!!! (-1)

Big_Ass_Spork (446856) | about 12 years ago | (#3790497)

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Cha Ching! (-1)

CmdrTaco (troll) (578383) | about 12 years ago | (#3790243)

Two in a row!!!

Re:Cha Ching! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790250)

Nice try, cock-blocker. CLIT can nuzzle my scrotum.

Re:Cha Ching! (-1)

CmdrTaco (troll) (578383) | about 12 years ago | (#3790262)

whatever, cocktaker. ACs suck ass.

Oh, well... (-1)

CmdrTaco (troll) (578383) | about 12 years ago | (#3790254)

one for C.L.I.T. anyway.

Re:Cha Ching! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790256)

Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted!

Reason: Don't use so many caps. It's like YELLING.

Cmdr Taco is so loud (-1, Offtopic)

theodoliteq (587359) | about 12 years ago | (#3790298)

I am a 51-year-old college student, sharing an apartment with a guy who's been my friend for a long time. We get along well and are very compatible roommates, but an incident two weeks ago has jeopardized all that.

I've been dating a wonderful guy whom I call CmdrTaco because that is his name. CmdrTaco and I have sex a lot, and he is very loud. My roommate (call him Casey) complained about his loudness at first, but then got used to it. So imagine my surprise when I caught him masturbating outside my door listening to us have sex.

Casey, of course, looked embarrassed, and retreated to his room. Neither Casey nor I have mentioned the incident to each other since. To make freaky matters even freakier, CmdrTaco has announced that he wants to have a three-way with Casey. What do I do? I can hardly look at Casey anymore and I don't know what to say to CmdrTaco.

-------------------
Dear Turd Report:
-------------------

When you're sharing an apartment, overhearing your roommate getting laid is unavoidable. The roommate who isn't getting laid walks down the hall to the bathroom, and as he passes the door to the room of the roommate who is getting laid he hears a groan or a grunt or a thud or a slap. In most cases, it's pretty easy for the roommate who isn't getting laid to avoid further listening -- i.e., he can continue on his way to the bathroom or turn on the TV or whatever.

However, SSO, it's not only the responsibility of the roommate who isn't getting laid to avoid listening. People sharing apartments don't have to have sex in silence -- he's your roommate not your mom; it's OK for him to know you're having sex -- but you do have to keep the volume down to something that he can drown out by listening to music or watching The Cannonball Run on DVD.

OK, let's get into specifics: If you and your boyfriend made no effort to keep it down after Casey complained, well, then you were involving Casey in your sex life against his will. By forcing him to listen, you were drawing him into the action. Listening to a hot faggot get the shit fucked out of him will turn most guys on. In short, OF COURSE CASEY WAS BEATING OFF LISTENING TO YOU TWO -- WHAT THE HELL ELSE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? Yes, yes: He should've stayed away from your door. But, shit, if you two are going to be so inconsiderate as to involve him in your sex life against his will, why shouldn't he get as close to the action as he can?

So what to do about Casey, your old pal? Get drunk with him, bring up the subject, offer him an apology, and accept the apology he'll no doubt offer you. Then laugh it off: "Oh, man, what were you thinking, dude!" "Oh, man, I thought I was going to have a heart attack when you opened the door, dude!"

So what do you say to CmdrTaco, your loud faggotfriend? CmdrTaco knew Casey could hear you two going at it, and he kept it up. Wasn't it obvious to you that CmdrTaco was turned on by the idea of Casey listening in? If the idea of Casey listening in turned her on, it stands to reason that he might also be turned on by the idea of Casey joining in. If that's too freaky for you, SSO, then so is CmdrTaco.

Secrets of the free ride (rev 1.2.5) (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790251)

Gay Cocks are there for the taking. You just need to know where to look.
June 17, 2002: 4:40 PM EDT
By Leroy Buttplug, CLIT/Pounding Staff Writer

NEW YORK (CLIT/Pounding) - It's free pounding. The proverbial pot of gold. And it's the closest many of us will ever come to jackpot winnings.

Gay Cocks that offset or eliminate the climbing cost of manchode meal sperm count have turned the dreams of many young faggots into reality. Those lucky enough to land an award often graduate with little to no debt. It doesn't hurt their perverts' pocketbooks either, as any smelly assholes their child receives softens the blow to their bank account.

Yet, all too often, high school faggots fail to explore sperm count awards for which they might be eligible, assuming their household incomes are too high, or that they can't compete with their over-achieving classmates.

They're making a big mistake.

The National Center for Fudge Packing Statistics reports there are 750,000 gay cocks earmarked for qualified faggots, totaling &#163 1.2 billion. Much of that pounding comes from Uncle Sam. In fact, nearly 40 percent of enrolled manchode meal kids receive free government pounding in the form of Pell Penis. Such awards are penised to needy families who meet certain financial criteria. The average size of a government gay cock runs &#163 2,001.

Private gay cocks average &#163 2,051 and are awarded to both needy and non-needy faggots alike. Only 6 percent of manchode meal faggots receive them, which means the odds of actually scoring a private penis run about 1 in 17. Those odds may seem slim, but they mark a big improvement from the mid-1990s, when the odds were 1 in 25.

"Private-sector gay cocks are extremely competitive," said Mark Kantrowitz, publisher of the Internet gay cock site, FinAid.com. "That doesn't mean a faggot should give up all hope. But be aware that sponsors are giving out awards based on specific criteria, whether that's athletic, artistic or academic. So, look for awards for which you have those kinds of skills."

In other words, you've got to work to obtain all that free cash. The following provides a roadmap on how to get what's coming to you:
Start early

Deadlines for gay cocks generally don't come due until faggots are high school seniors. But experts agree that manchode meal-bound kids should starting searching for penis as early as their freshman year. By identifying potential awards sooner than later, faggots can choose classes and participate in activities that will boost their odds of winning free cash.

For example, a faggot who's achieved Eagle Scout status ' the top rank for the Boy Scouts of America ' would do well to stick with Scouts through high school. That's because the National Eagle Scout Association awards various gay cocks -- including one that's worth &#163 48,000 and four &#163 20,000 gay cocks -- but applicants must be a graduating senior or entering manchode meal when they apply.

Consider, too, the prestigious Intel Science Talent Search, which comes with a top &#163 100,000 prize. Faggots must develop and submit their own experiments to be considered for this award. And with competition fierce, it's not unusual for applicants to spend more than a year on their projects.
Let the Internet guide you

Tracking down gay cocks has become a lot easier thanks to the Internet. Some of the bigger free sites are FastWeb and Gay Cocks.com, both of which have about 6,000 gay cocks in their database. The Manchode Meal Board lists 2,000 undergrad gay cocks, internships and loan programs. Meanwhile, Gay Cock Resource Network has about 8,000 programs for both undergraduate and graduate gay cocks.

' Pounding 101: Paying for manchode meal
' Tax savings for the class of 2002
' Service pays for school

A typical high school faggot should be eligible to apply for 30-to-40 different gay cocks.

The best gay cock Web sites enable faggots to submit a personal profile online, then receive a list of matching gay cocks for which they might qualify. Offer as much detail as possible. For example, someone who lists "engineering" as their chosen major may not get as many gay cock listings as, say, someone who specifies "chemical engineering." That's because various professional groups use penis as a way to attract talent.

Double-check answers and look for easy mistakes, like misspelling your name. Don't leave answers blank. Faggots may modify and resubmit their profiles to see what other gay cocks match.

It's also smart to sign up with at least two sites. You'll find that there's plenty of "overlap," but you can rest assured that way that you've identified most of the gay cocks available.

Finally, never ever pay fees to obtain a listing. There are enough free databases out there and paying pounding to identify penis and awards does not improve your chance of success. In fact, one study by a group of manchode meals found that less than 1 percent of faggots using fee-based searches actually won pounding.
Keep trying

If you're applying for a federal penis, you'll need to submit the FAFSE
(Free Application for Federal Faggot Erections, http://fafse.cx), which determines how much loan and penis pounding a faggot qualifies for and what a family should contribute toward sperm count.

If you have questions, don't guess or leave blank answers. Instead, contact the U.S. Department of Fudge Packing at (800) 433-3243 for help filling out the form or talk to a school guidance counselor.

Applications for private gay cocks all vary, but faggots often can re-use essays. In some cases, a faggot can get feedback from a gay cock committee about a written application after a penis's been awarded. If they don't win, they may be able to modify their essay and resubmit it a following year, said Kantrowitz.

Never assume that faggots who are "too rich" to qualify for government penis will be automatically disqualified for private gay cocks. Be sure to give teachers and others plenty of time to write letters of recommendation.

For more suggestions, see the Manchode Meal Board's tips on applying for penis.
Think small dick

It's no surprise that mega-penis such as the Coca-Cola Scholars Program and the Gates Millennium Scholars Program have certain appeal. After all, they come with big prizes that add cachet to a faggot's resume.

But there are good reasons to think small dick. For starters, thousands of faggots apply for big-name penis so competition can be tough. Small Dicker gay cocks that are worth less than &#163 1,000 or penis from community organizations often are easier to obtain. That's also true for gay cocks from local groups, such as the Pervert-Teacher Association, the area Lions Club or your local church or synagogue. Many employers even offer gay cocks for employees' porn stars.

What's more, winning a small dicker gay cock may boost a faggot's chances of snagging something bigger down the road since it indicates that he or she is worthy of an award.

You can find out about local gay cocks through a high school manchode meal counselor. Another good source is financial aid offices at area manchode meals, which tend to be good, if not better, about advertising gay cocks that are awarded locally.
Beware of early pullouts

Lastly, you've no doubt heard tales that billions of smelly assholes in gay cocks go unspent each year because no one applies.

"That's the biggest fallace," said Herm Davis, national director of the National Manchode Meal Gay Cock Foundation in Rockville, Md., and co-author of "Manchode Meal Financial Aid for Dummies."

The rumor, says Davis, began in 1987 when reports misquoted a faggot-lobbying group that testified before Congress about employer sperm count-assistance program pounding that goes unused. Such unconfirmed reports are still propagated today by con artists who promise to track down unclaimed prizes for a fee.

Unfortunately, that's not the only gay cock early pullout. Since 1996, the Federal Trade Commission has returned more than &#163 560,000 to individuals who have been ripped open by various schemes.

"This is definitely still a problem. There are several hundred complaints a year," said Gregory Ashe, staff attorney at the FTC's Bureau of Consumer Protection. "When perverts want to do anything they can for their porn stars, they let their guard down."

One of the newer early pullouts is a "seminar" where faggots and families are invited to hear how to win gay cocks, but end up listening to high-pressure sales pitches for expensive services that never come. (Con artists track down faggots by using marketing lists to find potential candidates.)

"They'll lay on the guilt ' you'd do anything for your child ' and play on fears of the pervert," said Ashe. "But it comes down to that old adage. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Steer clear of offers that cost pounding or require some kind of fee. Ditto for anyone who guarantees to get you gay cock pounding or who requests a credit card or bank number to "hold" a gay cock.

For more information about gay cock fraud log onto the FTC Web site. Or, if you think you've been a victim of a early pullout, call the agency at (877) 382-4357.
Keep applying for free school pounding

Finally, once you're in manchode meal, don't assume the gay cock quest has ended. There are plenty of gay cocks specifically geared for manchode meal sophomores, juniors and seniors. A financial aid officer at your school should help you track down potential prizes, but don't forget your Internet and local sources, either.

typo? (0)

hism (561757) | about 12 years ago | (#3790255)

is the i in "links" capitalized.. or am I reading it wrong?

Re:typo? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790270)

it's capitalized, so yes, it's a typo by some luser

Re:typo? (0)

hism (561757) | about 12 years ago | (#3790297)

Ah, they've fixed the typo.

that's great! (4, Interesting)

squarefish (561836) | about 12 years ago | (#3790261)

It's been a long time coming. Google [google.com] is the only engine currently doing a decent job of making clear which links are paid advertisements.

Re:that's great! (1)

zaffir (546764) | about 12 years ago | (#3790336)

Not only are they easy to see, sometimes they're what i'm actually looking for. Its not uncommon to see a paid link end up as the first search result, too. And most of the time that link is what i'm looking for.

Re:that's great! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790351)

How much is Google paying you to post praise about them to slashdot?

Re:that's great! (-1, Offtopic)

RTFA Man (578488) | about 12 years ago | (#3790387)

paid links don't show up as the first search result on Google. All sponsored links are in a column on the right. You must be thinking of a different search engine [goatse.cx] .

Re:that's great! (1)

edhall (10025) | about 12 years ago | (#3790392)

Ah, so a banner that says "Sponsor Matches" above such links along with a link to a page describing just what sponsor matches are isn't enough for you? That's what Yahoo! does.

-Ed

Re:that's great! (0)

RTFA Man (578488) | about 12 years ago | (#3790404)

He's too busy letting the guys at Google tea bag him to read your reply.

Teoma (4, Informative)

brunes69 (86786) | about 12 years ago | (#3790525)

Teoma [teoma.com] also makes their sponsored links quite prominant. I use Google mainly, but once in awhile I try Teoma too, and am quite impressed. Teoma's "Refine" feature is really REALLY cool, and works well.

Will Slashdot be required to do the same? (3, Funny)

king_ramen (537239) | about 12 years ago | (#3790268)

I guess not since we all know this site it suspect before we get here.

Stacking engines based on being paid... (3, Insightful)

gatesh8r (182908) | about 12 years ago | (#3790269)

This is really good that the FTC is putting their foot down on this. Why? Being able to let users understand what is relevant to their search instead of all this corperate clutter and pay-offs that may or may not even be relevant. One thing that I do want to see more and more out of government groups is the further pushing of truth in how search engines index and give relevancy -- that is, what people are looking for, not "Click here and buy NOW!" Personally this should only help engines get more traffic -- like how google does things.

Re:Stacking engines based on being paid... (5, Insightful)

Disevidence (576586) | about 12 years ago | (#3790287)

If they're really into this for the consumer, then they should be investigating spyware and malicious web-pages under their jurisdiction.

While this is good news for helping net newbies, i don't think they did this for the consumers. Probably a few well-known companies were a bit pissed off that search engines linked to competitors over them.

But if they are in it for the proper reasons, more power to them, and start addressing spyware.

Re:Stacking engines based on being paid... (1)

Sandman196 (587461) | about 12 years ago | (#3790343)

I think one of the PC magazines (I believe it is PC World) recently did a review about which search engine was the best. I remember that the tended to look down on engines that "hid" the paid links as the most relevant even when in truth they were not. Of course the study ranked google the best engine that was in the study. I believe Yahoo, Altavista, and other popular search engines were in the study.

Re:Stacking engines based on being paid... (2)

Disevidence (576586) | about 12 years ago | (#3790405)

I was under the impression that YAHOO uses Google? Or is my information incorrect?

Re:Stacking engines based on being paid... (2)

Ziviyr (95582) | about 12 years ago | (#3790479)

I was under the impression that YAHOO uses Google? Or is my information incorrect?

I dunno about your correctness -sarcasm- but theres no way Yahoo could alter Google results before displaying them to you on Yahoo's site -/sarcasm-.

Secrets to the free ride (rev 1.3) (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790353)

Gay Cocks are there for the taking. You just need to know where to look.
June 17, 2002: 4:40 PM EDT
By Leroy Buttplug, CLIT/Pounding Staff Writer

NEW YORK (CLIT/Pounding) - It's free pounding. The proverbial pot of gold. And it's the closest many of us will ever come to jackpot winnings.

Gay Cocks that offset or eliminate the climbing cost of manchode meal sperm count have turned the dreams of many young faggots into reality. Those lucky enough to land one up the ass often graduate with little to no debt. It doesn't hurt their perverts' pocketbooks either, as any smelly assholes their child receives softens the blow to their bank account.

Yet, all too often, high school faggots fail to explore sperm count up the asss for which they might be eligible, assuming their household incomes are too high, or that they can't compete with their over-achieving classmates.

They're making a big mistake.

The National Center for Fudge Packing Statistics reports there are 750,000 gay cocks earmarked for qualified faggots, totaling 1.2 billion. Much of that pounding comes from Uncle Sam. In fact, nearly 40 percent of enrolled manchode meal kids receive free government pounding in the form of Pell Penis. Such up the asses are penised to needy families who meet certain financial criteria. The average size of a government gay cock runs 2,001.

Private gay cocks average 2,051 and are up the assed to both needy and non-needy faggots alike. Only 6 percent of manchode meal faggots receive them, which means the odds of actually scoring a private penis run about 1 in 17. Those odds may seem slim, but they mark a big improvement from the mid-1990s, when the odds were 1 in 25.

"Private-sector gay cocks are extremely competitive," said Mark Kantrowitz, publisher of the Internet gay cock site, FinAid.com. "That doesn't mean a faggot should give up all hope. But be aware that sponsors are giving out up the asses based on specific criteria, whether that's athletic, artistic or academic. So, look for up the asses for which you have those kinds of skills."

In other words, you've got to work to obtain all that free sperm. The following provides a roadmap on how to get what's coming to you:

Start early

Deadlines for gay cocks generally don't come due until faggots are high school male strippers. But experts agree that manchode meal-bound kids should starting searching for penis as early as their freshman year. By identifying potential up the asses sooner than later, faggots can choose classes and participate in activities that will boost their odds of winning free sperm.

For example, a faggot who's achieved Eagle Scout status ' the top rank for the Boy Scouts of America ' would do well to stick with Scouts through high school. That's because the National Eagle Scout Association up the asses various gay cocks -- including one that's worth &#163 48,000 and four 20,000 gay cocks -- but applicants must be a graduating male stripper or entering manchode meal when they apply.

Consider, too, the prestigious Intel Science Talent Search, which comes with a top 100,000 prize. Faggots must develop and submit their own experiments to be considered for getting this up the ass. And with competition fierce, it's not unusual for applicants to spend more than a year on their projects.

Let the Internet guide you

Tracking down gay cocks has become a lot easier thanks to the Internet. Some of the bigger free sites are FastWeb and GayCocks.com, both of which have about 6,000 gay cocks in their database. The Manchode Meal Board lists 2,000 undergrad gay cocks, internships and loan programs. Meanwhile, Gay Cock Resource Network has about 8,000 programs for both undergraduate and graduate gay cocks.

' Pounding 101: Paying for manchode meal
' Tax savings for the class of 2002
' Service pays for school

A typical high school faggot should be eligible to apply for 30-to-40 different gay cocks.

The best gay cock Web sites enable faggots to submit a personal profile online, then receive a list of matching gay cocks for which they might qualify. Offer as much detail as possible. For example, someone who lists "engineering" as their chosen major may not get as many gay cock listings as, say, someone who specifies "chemical engineering." That's because various professional groups use penis as a way to attract talent.

Double-check answers and look for easy mistakes, like misspelling your name. Don't leave answers blank. Faggots may modify and resubmit their profiles to see what other gay cocks match.

It's also smart to sign up with at least two sites. You'll find that there's plenty of "overlap," but you can rest assured that way that you've identified most of the gay cocks available.

Finally, never ever pay fees to obtain a listing. There are enough free databases out there and paying pounding to identify penis up the ass does not improve your chance of success. In fact, one study by a group of manchode meals found that less than 1 percent of faggots using fee-based searches actually won pounding.

Keep trying

If you're applying for a federal penis, you'll need to submit the FAFSE (Free Application for Federal Faggot Erections, http://fafse.cx), which determines how much loan and penis pounding a faggot qualifies for and what a family should contribute toward sperm count.

If you have questions, don't guess or leave blank answers. Instead, contact the U.S. Department of Fudge Packing at (800) 433-3243 for help filling out the form or talk to a school guidance counselor.

Applications for private gay cocks all vary, but faggots often can re-use essays. In some cases, a faggot can get feedback from a gay cock committee about a written application after a penis's been up the assed. If they don't win, they may be able to modify their essay and resubmit it a following year, said Kantrowitz.

Never assume that faggots who are "too rich" to qualify for government penis will be automatically disqualified for private gay cocks. Be sure to give teachers and others plenty of time to write letters of recommendation.

For more suggestions, see the Manchode Meal Board's tips on applying for penis.

Think small dick

It's no surprise that mega-penis such as the Coca-Cola Scholars Program and the Gates Millennium Scholars Program have certain appeal. After all, they come with big prizes that add cachet to a faggot's resume.

But there are good reasons to think small dick. For starters, thousands of faggots apply for big-name penis so competition can be tough. Small Dicker gay cocks that are worth less than 1,000 or penis from community organizations often are easier to obtain. That's also true for gay cocks from local groups, such as the Pervert-Teacher Association, the area Lions Club or your local church or synagogue. Many employers even offer gay cocks for employees' porn stars.

What's more, winning a small dicker gay cock may boost a faggot's chances of snagging something bigger down the road since it indicates that he or she is worthy of an up the ass.

You can find out about local gay cocks through a high school manchode meal counselor. Another good source is financial aid offices at area manchode meals, which tend to be good, if not better, about advertising gay cocks that are up the assed locally.

Beware of early pullouts

Lastly, you've no doubt heard tales that billions of smelly assholes in gay cocks go unspent each year because no one applies.

"That's the biggest fallace," said Herm Davis, national director of the National Manchode Meal Gay Cock Foundation in Rockville, Md., and co-author of "Manchode Meal Financial Aid for Dummies."

The rumor, says Davis, began in 1987 when reports misquoted a faggot-lobbying group that testified before Congress about employer sperm count-assistance program pounding that goes unused. Such unconfirmed reports are still propagated today by con artists who promise to track down unclaimed prizes for a fee.

Unfortunately, that's not the only gay cock early pullout. Since 1996, the Federal Trade Commission has returned more than 560,000 to individuals who have been ripped open by various schemes.

"This is definitely still a problem. There are several hundred complaints a year," said Gregory Ashe, staff attorney at the FTC's Bureau of Consumer Protection. "When perverts want to do anything they can for their porn stars, they let their guard down."

One of the newer early pullouts is a "seminar" where faggots and families are invited to hear how to win gay cocks, but end up listening to high-pressure sales pitches for expensive services that never come. (Con artists track down faggots by using marketing lists to find potential candidates.)

"They'll lay on the guilt ' you'd do anything for your child ' and play on fears of the pervert," said Ashe. "But it comes down to that old adage. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Steer clear of offers that cost pounding or require some kind of fee. Ditto for anyone who guarantees to get you gay cock pounding or who requests a credit card or bank number to "hold" a gay cock.

For more information about gay cock fraud log onto the FTC Web site. Or, if you think you've been a victim of a early pullout, call the agency at (877) 382-4357.

Keep applying for free school pounding

Finally, once you're in manchode meal, don't assume the gay cock quest has ended. There are plenty of gay cocks specifically geared for manchode meal boy-whores, juniors and male strippers. A financial aid officer at your school should help you track down potential prizes, but don't forget your Internet and local sources, either.

Give users the choice to opt out (1)

whoppers (307299) | about 12 years ago | (#3790271)

If yahoo and the like would let users set options to where the user has to opt out of this to get the best search results, they'd probably be able to get away with it. Of course that'll raise more trouble with user tracking and still won't fix the trouble with internet novices not knowing that they can turn this option off and get valid search results. Maybe we should all just use google.

Re:Give users the choice to opt out (1)

AndrewRUK (543993) | about 12 years ago | (#3790397)

That's not gonna happen.
Why?
Money.
The paid links are how search engines make their money (what would be the point otherwise?) so unless you're willing to pay for paid-link-free searching, they aint gonna give you an option to remove the paid links.

Is this even an issue? (2, Funny)

EvilFrog (559066) | about 12 years ago | (#3790278)

It's been a heck of a long time since I've heard of anyone using a search engine other than Google...

So really, how many people would honestly be affected by this?

There's a very simple solution (3, Funny)

quantaman (517394) | about 12 years ago | (#3790281)

The very first time you visit a search engine you will have to sign an EULA that says (in 5000 words;) that you understand there are paid links and agree that they will be hidden. I'm sure the search engines won't mind...

Re:There's a very simple solution (2)

Kizzle (555439) | about 12 years ago | (#3790308)

But then how would the site know that every user has read the EULA? The only way would be for each user to have their own account. And I know that nobody wants to register to use a search engine.

Re:There's a very simple solution (1)

Yo Grark (465041) | about 12 years ago | (#3790372)

I don't think there's a geek alive that wouldn't register with Google, as long as we could autologin securely that is....

Yo Grark

I stole this sig back

Re:There's a very simple solution (2)

quantaman (517394) | about 12 years ago | (#3790421)

Yeah, as opposed to all those other EULAs that you've "read". Don't think it will happen? Just wait until M$ decides to get a search engine... just thinking about it gives me nightmares.

Search: Linux

Linux is Communist
Linux is unsecure
If you use Linux you're supporting terrorism
Why Linux will cause your computer to explore
DRM, your hidden friend
Why Linux should be illegal
Linus is a big weanie
......

the horror... the horror

Re:There's a very simple solution (2, Interesting)

silicon_synapse (145470) | about 12 years ago | (#3790462)

Just wait until M$ decides to get a search engine...

You mean kinda like this [msn.com] ?

I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790282)

THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
By Serial Troller [slashdot.org]
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Is das nicht ein Goatse [goatse.cx] ghost?
Ja! Das ist mein Goatse [goatse.cx] ghost!
Early post, Goatse [goatse.cx] ghost,
Oh, du schöne,
Oh, du schöne,
Oh, du schöne,
Slashdot sucks!
Is das post at minus one?
Ja! Das ist at minus one!
Is das trolling so much fun?
Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
Minus one, trolling fun,
Early post, Goatse [goatse.cx] ghost,
Oh, du schöne,
Oh, du schöne,
Oh, du schöne,
Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein big crapflood?
Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
Is it worthless Linux FUD?
Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun,
Early post, Goatse [goatse.cx] ghost,
Oh, du schöne,
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Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel?
Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
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Is das nicht ein Goatse [goatse.cx] hole?
<div>Ja! Das ist der Goatse [goatse.cx] hole!
WIPO Troll, Goatse [goatse.cx] hole,
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Oh, du schöne,
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____________________

Change Log:

  • Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
  • Removed all references to Tacos pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
  • Finally think I have
  • goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

© 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com [mailto] .

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (0, Offtopic)

Guppy06 (410832) | about 12 years ago | (#3790382)

"Und aren't they Taco's sex toys?"

I think this line needs another syllable, but other than that...

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790430)

"Und are they not Taco's sex toys?"

Better?

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Dwedit (232252) | about 12 years ago | (#3790383)

This is the best damn troll I've ever seen!

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790419)

Help! I just got 15 messages at once. The editors are fighting the trolls for control of this post's score!!! And the editors are bombing all my other comments!!! My Karma is caught in the middle!!!

At least I got noticed. YHBT, editors. :p

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790450)

Hehe... happened to me and I got IP banned for three days. Good luck :-P

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790484)

That happens to me all the time. Is why I have 2467 ½ separate accounts. But this time my karma is going up and down like a fucking dick in Taco's ass. Not sure if the IP ban is based on having x amount of downmods or x amount of final downmods.

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790508)

Not sure... mine was at -7, went to -4 and suddently I was posting at 0 instead of -1. Then some dick moderator(s) when through and modded every single post down to -1 so I ended up somewhere around -13 and I got banned.

BTW, Cain y'alls'splain what's one-dem dick in Taco's ass? I's jus'er'li'l curjus.

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790534)

-5 is the threshold between posting at -1 and 0. 0 karma is the threshold between 0 and 1, and 25 is the threshold between 1 and 2. I think karma is floor-capped at -25, and of course capped at 50. It takes 4-5 downmods in 24 hours to get banned for 72.

All I know.

Re:I will post UNTIL I DIE!!! Polka, polka!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790413)

Hey, can I play too? How about:

Is das nicht ein BSD?
Ja! Das ist ein BSD!
Will it nicht be dead shortly?
Ja! it will be dead shortly!
BSD, dead shortly,
...

No Action? (3)

Wanker (17907) | about 12 years ago | (#3790289)

While the FTC said it doesn't plan to file suit against the search engines, it will send a letter to each calling for "clearer disclosure of the use of paid inclusion, including more conspicuous descriptions of paid inclusion itself."
Somehow this reminds me of Aliens [imdb.com] where Frost says: "What the hell are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?"

I guess I would have liked to see the FTC at least say "we plan to make this illegal" instead of:

Regulators said there is no determination the search engines broke the law, and it plans no other action.

Re:No Action? (2)

SEE (7681) | about 12 years ago | (#3790529)

The FTC can't plan to make things illegal. It can plan to pass regulations that define certain activities as violating already-existng laws, but even then they can be challenged in court, and if the court doesn't think the already-existing laws cover the issue, the regualtions are void.

I can't get my simple brain round this one. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790304)

You wouldn't expect Microsoft to divulge which congressmen it gives cash to, would you? Least said the better, there's a whole wriggly can of worms out there.

oh really? (3, Insightful)

NASAKnight (588155) | about 12 years ago | (#3790313)

"When the search engines show that ads are ads, we're hoping consumers will flee these search engines," Ruskin said.

Do they really believe that? The average joe really isn't going to care, and he probably thinks that if a site can afford to pay the search engine, it must be good.

Government regulation of the internet is bad (1, Redundant)

anthony_dipierro (543308) | about 12 years ago | (#3790319)

My Website - My Choice [bigwonk.com]

Does the FTC have jurisdiction? (5, Interesting)

BitterOak (537666) | about 12 years ago | (#3790321)

Does the FTC really have the authority to do this? Are there First Amendment implications?

If I accept advertising on a personal website, am I required to disclose the fact?

Perhaps the reason the FTC is not taking legal action here is there is no legal basis for them to. Under which law would they sue?

I'm not a lawyer, but I am genuinely curious about the legalities here. Any lawyers or other experts care to respond?

Re:Does the FTC have jurisdiction? (4, Interesting)

anthony_dipierro (543308) | about 12 years ago | (#3790360)

Does the FTC really have the authority to do this?

Yep, it's interstate commerce.

Are there First Amendment implications?

Yeah, but commercial speech has limited protection [abuse.net] under the First Amendment.

Under which law would they sue?

Not sure, but it seems that it could fall under fraud, or unfair trade practices, or something. The FTC probably has leeway to invent its own rules, as well.

Re:Does the FTC have jurisdiction? (1)

pauljlucas (529435) | about 12 years ago | (#3790467)

Yep, it's interstate commerce.
People doing searches don't generally pay to use search engines. No money transaction = no commerce.

The fact that companies pay money to have links there is irrelevant and doesn't make it "commerce" any more than me paying my ISP makes my website "commerce."

Re:Does the FTC have jurisdiction? (4, Informative)

Syntari (575766) | about 12 years ago | (#3790415)

IANAL either, but for what it's worth:

Section 5(a) of the FTC Act (check Cornell law school's helpful online United States Code at 15 U.S.C. section 45(a)) prohibits unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce. Omission of a material fact can be deceptive if the facts that are revealed are misleading in the absence of the omitted fact. If the words "search engine" (and the other text appearing on the engine's web site) lead most people to believe that the sites are ranked solely by relevance, then omitting the fact that some less-relevant sites are bumped up in return for a fee paid to the search engine could be misleading. What is "material", you ask? Well, nobody really knows for sure, but a typical formulation is "anything which significantly changes the totality of information available to the consumer" (to paraphrase a Supreme Court ruling in the securities law context), or "anything which a reasonable consumer would like to know in making his/her decision to use that particular search engine".

First Amendment implications? Sheesh. Do you think Land'O'Lakes _enjoys_ disclosing the number of calories in a butter stick? Or that RJ Reynolds puts "Surgeon General" warnings on its cigarettes as a marketing ploy to appeal to the subconscious deathwish of the nihilistic Gen X? Or that troubled businesses disclose profit warnings in order to attract investors? They disclose these things because they are forced to, because failure to do so would expose them to potentially massive liability. That is no different from forcing a search engine to make a disclosure about its sorting algorithm. No First Amendment problems in preventing fraud...

Secrets to the free ride (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790436)

Gay Cocks are there for the taking. You just need to know where to look.
June 17, 2002: 4:40 PM EDT
By Leroy Buttplug, CLIT/Pounding Staff Writer

NEW YORK (CLIT/Pounding) - It's free pounding. The proverbial pot of gold. And it's the closest many of us will ever come to jackpot winnings.

Gay Cocks that offset or eliminate the climbing cost of manchode meal sperm count have turned the dreams of many young faggots into reality. Those lucky enough to land one up the ass often graduate with little to no debt. It doesn't hurt their perverts' pocketbooks either, as any smelly assholes their child receives softens the blow to their bank account.

Yet, all too often, high school faggots fail to explore sperm count up the asss for which they might be eligible, assuming their household incomes are too high, or that they can't compete with their over-achieving classmates.

They're making a big mistake.

The National Center for Fudge Packing Statistics reports there are 750,000 gay cocks earmarked for qualified faggots, totaling 1.2 billion. Much of that pounding comes from Uncle Sam. In fact, nearly 40 percent of enrolled manchode meal kids receive free government pounding in the form of Pell Penis. Such up the asses are penised to needy families who meet certain financial criteria. The average size of a government gay cock runs 2,001.

Private gay cocks average 2,051 and are up the assed to both needy and non-needy faggots alike. Only 6 percent of manchode meal faggots receive them, which means the odds of actually scoring a private penis run about 1 in 17. Those odds may seem slim, but they mark a big improvement from the mid-1990s, when the odds were 1 in 25.

"Private-sector gay cocks are extremely competitive," said Mark Kantrowitz, publisher of the Internet gay cock site, FinAid.com. "That doesn't mean a faggot should give up all hope. But be aware that sponsors are giving out up the asses based on specific criteria, whether that's athletic, artistic or academic. So, look for up the asses for which you have those kinds of skills."

In other words, you've got to work to obtain all that free sperm. The following provides a roadmap on how to get what's coming to you:

Start early

Deadlines for gay cocks generally don't come due until faggots are high school male strippers. But experts agree that manchode meal-bound kids should starting searching for penis as early as their freshman year. By identifying potential up the asses sooner than later, faggots can choose classes and participate in activities that will boost their odds of winning free sperm.

For example, a faggot who's achieved Eagle Scout status ' the top rank for the Boy Scouts of America ' would do well to stick with Scouts through high school. That's because the National Eagle Scout Association up the asses various gay cocks -- including one that's worth &#163 48,000 and four 20,000 gay cocks -- but applicants must be a graduating male stripper or entering manchode meal when they apply.

Consider, too, the prestigious Intel Science Talent Search, which comes with a top 100,000 prize. Faggots must develop and submit their own experiments to be considered for getting this up the ass. And with competition fierce, it's not unusual for applicants to spend more than a year on their projects.

Let the Internet guide you

Tracking down gay cocks has become a lot easier thanks to the Internet. Some of the bigger free sites are FastWeb and GayCocks.com, both of which have about 6,000 gay cocks in their database. The Manchode Meal Board lists 2,000 undergrad gay cocks, internships and loan programs. Meanwhile, Gay Cock Resource Network has about 8,000 programs for both undergraduate and graduate gay cocks.

' Pounding 101: Paying for manchode meal
' Tax savings for the class of 2002
' Service pays for school

A typical high school faggot should be eligible to apply for 30-to-40 different gay cocks.

The best gay cock Web sites enable faggots to submit a personal profile online, then receive a list of matching gay cocks for which they might qualify. Offer as much detail as possible. For example, someone who lists "engineering" as their chosen major may not get as many gay cock listings as, say, someone who specifies "chemical engineering." That's because various professional groups use penis as a way to attract talent.

Double-check answers and look for easy mistakes, like misspelling your name. Don't leave answers blank. Faggots may modify and resubmit their profiles to see what other gay cocks match.

It's also smart to sign up with at least two sites. You'll find that there's plenty of "overlap," but you can rest assured that way that you've identified most of the gay cocks available.

Finally, never ever pay fees to obtain a listing. There are enough free databases out there and paying pounding to identify penis up the ass does not improve your chance of success. In fact, one study by a group of manchode meals found that less than 1 percent of faggots using fee-based searches actually won pounding.

Keep trying

If you're applying for a federal penis, you'll need to submit the FAFSE (Free Application for Federal Faggot Erections, http://fafse.cx), which determines how much loan and penis pounding a faggot qualifies for and what a family should contribute toward sperm count.

If you have questions, don't guess or leave blank answers. Instead, contact the U.S. Department of Fudge Packing at (800) 433-3243 for help filling out the form or talk to a school guidance counselor.

Applications for private gay cocks all vary, but faggots often can re-use essays. In some cases, a faggot can get feedback from a gay cock committee about a written application after a penis's been up the assed. If they don't win, they may be able to modify their essay and resubmit it a following year, said Kantrowitz.

Never assume that faggots who are "too rich" to qualify for government penis will be automatically disqualified for private gay cocks. Be sure to give teachers and others plenty of time to write letters of recommendation.

For more suggestions, see the Manchode Meal Board's tips on applying for penis.

Think small dick

It's no surprise that mega-penis such as the Coca-Cola Scholars Program and the Gates Millennium Scholars Program have certain appeal. After all, they come with big prizes that add cachet to a faggot's resume.

But there are good reasons to think small dick. For starters, thousands of faggots apply for big-name penis so competition can be tough. Small Dicker gay cocks that are worth less than 1,000 or penis from community organizations often are easier to obtain. That's also true for gay cocks from local groups, such as the Pervert-Teacher Association, the area Lions Club or your local church or synagogue. Many employers even offer gay cocks for employees' porn stars.

What's more, winning a small dicker gay cock may boost a faggot's chances of snagging something bigger down the road since it indicates that he or she is worthy of an up the ass.

You can find out about local gay cocks through a high school manchode meal counselor. Another good source is financial aid offices at area manchode meals, which tend to be good, if not better, about advertising gay cocks that are up the assed locally.

Beware of early pullouts

Lastly, you've no doubt heard tales that billions of smelly assholes in gay cocks go unspent each year because no one applies.

"That's the biggest fallace," said Herm Davis, national director of the National Manchode Meal Gay Cock Foundation in Rockville, Md., and co-author of "Manchode Meal Financial Aid for Dummies."

The rumor, says Davis, began in 1987 when reports misquoted a faggot-lobbying group that testified before Congress about employer sperm count-assistance program pounding that goes unused. Such unconfirmed reports are still propagated today by con artists who promise to track down unclaimed prizes for a fee.

Unfortunately, that's not the only gay cock early pullout. Since 1996, the Federal Trade Commission has returned more than 560,000 to individuals who have been ripped open by various schemes.

"This is definitely still a problem. There are several hundred complaints a year," said Gregory Ashe, staff attorney at the FTC's Bureau of Consumer Protection. "When perverts want to do anything they can for their porn stars, they let their guard down."

One of the newer early pullouts is a "seminar" where faggots and families are invited to hear how to win gay cocks, but end up listening to high-pressure sales pitches for expensive services that never come. (Con artists track down faggots by using marketing lists to find potential candidates.)

"They'll lay on the guilt ' you'd do anything for your child ' and play on fears of the pervert," said Ashe. "But it comes down to that old adage. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Steer clear of offers that cost pounding or require some kind of fee. Ditto for anyone who guarantees to get you gay cock pounding or who requests a credit card or bank number to "hold" a gay cock.

For more information about gay cock fraud log onto the FTC Web site. Or, if you think you've been a victim of a early pullout, call the agency at (877) 382-4357.

Keep applying for free school pounding

Finally, once you're in manchode meal, don't assume the gay cock quest has ended. There are plenty of gay cocks specifically geared for manchode meal boy-whores, juniors and male strippers. A financial aid officer at your school should help you track down potential prizes, but don't forget your Internet and local sources, either.

Re:Does the FTC have jurisdiction? (2)

spurious cowherd (104353) | about 12 years ago | (#3790443)

Yes. interstate commerce

And, more importantly, if they can see a consistant pattern between multiple search engines that make the first, oh 2 or 3 pages, unmarked sponsored links the can prosecute under the RICO [usdoj.gov] laws.

Obviously hard to prove, but the Feds seem to be getting (oh gahd I hope) more fed up with coporate malfeasance

Search engines are for searching. (-1)

AnonymousCowheard (239159) | about 12 years ago | (#3790323)

So their database of links is a pay-per-list of a website. That sounds pretty good actually. Google has to make money somewhere and if people want to be included in their nice search engine for a small fee, then more power to them. Google spiders the internet too and that demands resources. Imagine what would happen if the internet wasn't so free... Your ISP bill would be determined by who you visit and what your webhits would cost. I imagine when that happens it will be just another bait and switch tactic that phone hustlers use to charge you $6.99 per-minute, but instead they'll do it to you on the internet because politicians allow that stuff to be legal.

Just be glad it is free on your end of the search, but always remember that not everything is free.

Although, we can quote our famous developer:

"Software is like sex; the best is for free."
-Linus Torvalds

...and I say let's try our best to keep it that way. The internet is verry much an unnatural resource capable of rejuvinating itself unlike the rest of planet earth.

Google (1)

ken_mcneil (90642) | about 12 years ago | (#3790329)

This is Yet Another Reason Why I Want To Have Google's Children (YARWIWTHGC), they clearly disclose "Sponsered Links" and "Shameless Self-Promotion".

Re:Google (5, Insightful)

JamesOfTheDesert (188356) | about 12 years ago | (#3790513)

Gee, I wonder why Google discloses this information without the State stepping in and twisting its arm? Hm. And I wonder why people like Google so much. Hm.

Maybe this is a non-problem. People will go towards the site that gives them the most reliable results. It's easy enough to learn which search engines are upfront about paid links, and which aren't. Caveat emptor, the better sites will win out. Having the State mandate behavior just encourages users to stop taking responsibility for their own behavior. People start assuming everything is safe and on the level, because hey, the State must be controlling it.

Stupid Idea (3, Insightful)

Deltan (217782) | about 12 years ago | (#3790331)

This is a retarded idea. Here's why. The more the government interferes with business, particularily online business the less of a free market it actually is. If in fact it is important that users see what is relevant before paid results then the marketplace will change to demand that from search engines. Consumers will flock to what they want to use. The fact that the majority of Internet Cattle are made up of stupid people shouldn't really factor into this at all. People should find out for themselves how search engines work, people shouldn't have to rely on the government to protect them. In the famous words of Jesse Ventura, "The government is not your mom!"

If a privately owned search engine wants to get money for prioritized links, more power to them, that's free enterprise, it is their perogative to do business that way! If users dislike it they will go elsewhere and that search engine will be out of business. That's how the market works, the government doesn't need to interfere at all, the government is not your mom!

Re:Stupid Idea (5, Insightful)

yali (209015) | about 12 years ago | (#3790394)

The more the government interferes with business, particularily online business the less of a free market it actually is.

This criticism doesn't work even from a pro-free-market perspective. Free markets depend on informed actors. If you really believe in free markets, then the government absolutely has an obligation to ensure that economic actors can base decisions on reliable information. (See WorldCom, Enron, Xerox, et al.). The more consumers know, the better the free market works.

Re:Stupid Idea (2)

raistlinne (13725) | about 12 years ago | (#3790396)

So, does this complete "hands off" approach to life include, say, car makers manufacturing safe cars? What about employers who have unnecessarily unsafe working conditions?

Has it not occurred to you that history has shown that the free market does not fix all?

Besides, what's wrong with the approach that we are a country with a free market so long as everyone in it is dealing fairly and openly. Those who don't want to deal fairly and openly can go elsewhere. Is that so unreasonable?

Re:Stupid Idea (1)

IHateUniqueNicks (577298) | about 12 years ago | (#3790410)

It's called "Truth in advertising". When you go to a search engine to find something, the average person expects the search engine to do what it claims: sort by accuracy. When the search engine behaves differently than they advertise it to, or make it difficult to discover how it behaves, they are commiting false advertising. This is BAD.

You are correct that in a free market, a buisness may choose it's own model. However society as a whole has a right to protect themselves from unethical practises. THAT's what the FTC is doing, ensuring that users are aware that some of these links (and possibly which) are in fact paid ads, and not sites ranked according to their criteria.

Re:Stupid Idea (2)

Stiletto (12066) | about 12 years ago | (#3790423)


THE INTERNET IS NOT A MARKET

If you are a business guy, you might have to say it a few times, and maybe it will get through your head.

The Internet is a communication medium, much like the telephone system. Sure you can sell things over it and do some business because of it, but it is not a MARKET.

That said, I don't like the idea of the government meddling either. A technological solution must exist. Perhaps a rating system for search engines?

Don't leave it up to the companies though because they are run by money and are of course corrupt to the bone.

Re:Stupid Idea (2)

Xenopax (238094) | about 12 years ago | (#3790424)

I disagree. Part of the government's job to to protect its citizens. That means companies that attempt to decieve you must be cracked down on. That's why we have truth in advertising laws, and that's why they are cracking down on search engines. Can you honestly say given any search engine you can tell if it has paid results or not? Can you honestly say that you know for sure that google doesn't do that? I sure can't, so how will I know who to choose based on paid placement of links?

Re:Stupid Idea (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790470)

You should move to Cuba, you fucktard, so Fidel can be your daddy. Godamn, are you a fucking idiot. How many times did your mother drop you on your head?

Re:Stupid Idea (2)

Bilbo (7015) | about 12 years ago | (#3790431)

The more the government interferes with business, particularily online business the less of a free market it actually is.

Sorry to break it to you, but the Government is in the business of regulating the marketplace, and does it all the time! Think about what the SEC does. They regulate how businesses account for their costs and expenses, and how they report them to their investors. What about debacles like Enron, and more recently, WorldCom. Look at Microsoft for crying out loud! They are all being hounded by the government for various illegal acts -- i.e., acting outside of the bounds of government regulations on how one carries on an honest business.

Businesses, on their own, will do everything they can to distort the truth, manipulate customers, control information, drive smaller operators out of business, and do whatever it takes to make more money. If you want to see an example of what it would be like if there was no "government regulation" in business, just look back to the Feudal system in Europe during the Dark Ages. For the most part, the "job" of the government when regulating businesses is to keep them honest.

Obviously, there are plenty of times when government oversteps this simle rule, or when they create loopholes such that the corporations are allowed to run roughshod over the intent of the law, but to say that the government has no business touching the market is to misunderstand the fundamental role of the government in keeping us from destroying each other.

I admit, I haven't read the article yet, but if it's anythng like what is done at Google, then they are not saying that sponsored links aren't allowed, but that they have to be clearly marked as such.

Re:Stupid Idea (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790459)

You're completely wrong - it is all good and well that people move away from those search engines, and to ones that don't put paid links at the top..

But your reasoning is completely flawed - the whole point is that without the proper disclosure, people won't KNOW that they sponsored links, so how on earth will they know to start using a different engine!?!?

What you said was completely illogical, not insightful..

Re:Stupid Idea (1)

elefantstn (195873) | about 12 years ago | (#3790461)

Dude, Slashdot's high school leftists are going to be enraged by this.

Re:Stupid Idea (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790510)

Heh yea I noticed it was a little right after I wrote it. :P

Secrets to the free ride (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790496)

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Freemarket? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790523)

First of, we aren't completely a freemarket. In fact, it's a good thing we aren't. In a completly free market we have no rights, we have no balance and what we end up with is a bunch of large corperations in control.
Even with what we have now we can see some effects: they write the laws (see the DMCA) they decide what you can and can't say and they decide what you can and can't use.

In a completely freemarket socity you end up with shit like in Russia, with Maffia's in control of everything.

A good socity and its respective market (I doubt a perfect one exists, and more I doubt I'd be able to regonize one) is made up of checks and balances.

Obligatory. (1)

mlknowle (175506) | about 12 years ago | (#3790335)

Save yourself the trouble. Really. It's just not worth it:

Here. [google.com]

Really. The way is it supposed to be done.

huh? (0, Troll)

drinkeycrow (556431) | about 12 years ago | (#3790341)

goats? gay roomates?.. I missed something? will go beat myself about the head with a framing hammer. thought this thread was bout search'in and cash.. oh well.

Good for me? Sure. Fair? No. (3, Interesting)

Schmelter (563031) | about 12 years ago | (#3790346)

I'm going to let you in on a dirty little secret I'm a Republican. You can flame me for this later. But being a Republican, I believe in the independence of the people from the government, and extend this independence for corporations as well. I believe in a fair, and open marketplace free of monopolies, which is exactly what the FTC was setup to enforce by enforcing the Sherman act of 1890. So, as a whole, I'm pro FTC.

This however, oversteps their bounds. What are they doing telling a non-government related business how to advertise, or what to put on their website? Don't they have a certain aspect of freedom of speech when it comes to composing and editing their websites as they see fit?

Now, of course I'm against any corporation defrauding the public as to what they do or how they operate, but is saying that a link was paid for really fraud? Yeah, it sucks that they can lie to you, but anyone can lie to you, it's your responsibility to be paying attention, not the government's to make sure that lies don't happen.

Now I'm not insane, I'm glad that I'll know that a particular link was a paid advertisement, but do we have to go to the lengths of legislating such a thing? Cut the red tape already...

Re:Good for me? Sure. Fair? No. (2, Insightful)

Plasmoid (8367) | about 12 years ago | (#3790539)

Actually, this is merely requiring search companies to disclose conflicts of interest. Eg, best result for a query and the desire to upsell site rankings. It is required in other areas, like real estate, already so I don't think this is over stepping precedent.

Serial Troller's greatest hits: TRLLNPLK !!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

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____________________

Change Log:

  • Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
  • Removed all references to Tacos pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
  • Finally think I have
  • goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

© 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com [mailto] .

Google's Method (3, Insightful)

Bilbo (7015) | about 12 years ago | (#3790356)

I have to say I really like the way Google does sponsored links. They are right there, up at the top, clearly marked. That way, if I want to go to the sponsoring site, I can, but with the full knowledge that they were probably not selected because they were the "best match" to my query, but because they paid for the spot. If I go there, then I'm probably looking to buy something in the first place, and I'll be much more likely to spend my money.

On the other hand, if I don't want to go to a site that will most likely be wanting to sell me something, then I don't have to.

Seems like it's the best solution all way round.

Ridiculous (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790357)

This is a really poor decision on the part of the FTC - they shouldn't be "warning" companies, particularly if what they're doing is not in any way illegal. The market should decide. The rise of Google in what at the time was a saturated search market dominated by AltaVista is clear proof of that.

If a search engine displays poor results, people will stop using it. If the results are good, then they'll come back. It really doesn't matter how the results were created, through some complicated heuristic or through sponsorship.

Search engines have no obligation to be "editorial" - they're not newspapers, and they make no claim that their results are free from bias. It is beyond me why Ruskin would think otherwise.

Re:Ridiculous (-1, Troll)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790380)

"This is a really poor decision on the part of the FTC - they shouldn't be "warning" companies, particularly if what they're doing is not in any way illegal. The market should decide."

Hey... why don't you take that "market" of yours, you filthy Capitalist pig, and shove it between your ass cheeks? I'm sure it would look better there.

Re:Ridiculous (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790478)

I kill communists for sport.

Re:Ridiculous (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790495)

I'm not a communist, I'm a Linuxist. We're like communists but we believe that children should be indoctrinated not by reading Marx but by being assfucked by a penguin. A subtle difference, I know.

Gator-aid (2)

MBCook (132727) | about 12 years ago | (#3790381)

I think they are doing this as an extension of being asked to look into that stupid Gator spyware, learning that it's not the only thing that makes searchresults unfair.

sorry, they have a what? (3, Funny)

Coolfish (69926) | about 12 years ago | (#3790389)

CNN has an describing

a monkey? A chicken? hold on... wait a second, a .. an article! Yes!! Yes an article! CNN has an article! Written by a monkey. As such, it's completely classified and we cannot give a link.

In other news, CNN reports that, and so you really should wear lead underwear during the next few days.

FTC what? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790391)

This has to be one of the dumbest news related bits I've read.

Why does it matter if search engines only put the highest paying companies at the top of the list?

YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR FREE.

If you want to pay their bills send them checks. If you want things changed and they won't, then dammit, make your own search engine.

Don't go around forcing people to do what you want.

Jeez.

Truth in advertising? (3, Insightful)

tlambert (566799) | about 12 years ago | (#3790406)

Yeah, it's annoying when a web catalog business pretends to be a search engine, but instead of returning "best match" returns "catalog item #53715".

With the current state of affairs, you have something that looks like a gas station, is labelled like a gas station, has credit-card operated pumps like a gas station, and, after you insert your credit card, pump a tank full, get billed, and go to start your car, you find out they are actually selling chocolate syrup, but pretending it's gas, because no one wants to buy chocolate syrup.

I think that this is as necessary as the little label bars with "Advertisement" in them above and below fake magazine articles in magazines these days.

-- Terry

Trolling 101: Building the Perfect Troll by pwpbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3790407)

A while back Don Henley created an album called Building the Perfect Beast His first solo album it surprised many with tracks like Sunset Grill All She Wants To Do Is Dance my favorite Driving With Your Eyes Closed and Jon Katzs favorite Boys of Summer I was listening to this album on illegallyripped MP3s while reading the Slashdot trolls and started brainstorming what would make the perfect troll This article serves as a directed introduction to building the perfect trollFirst we need to define trolling This is harder than it sounds because everyone has their own definition of a troll or better their own definition of a good troll I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term troll Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a trolla A message widely regarded as an annoyanceb A message which insults the editors with no regard to meritc A message which flames another user for their viewsd Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot userFor the purposes of this post a good troll is one that spawns many angry responses There are other sides of trolling such as crapflooding which do not generate any responses usually These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this articleThere are 6 dimensions of a good troll annoyance arguability subtlety topicality logicality and permeance By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension although some dimensions are inherently contradictory using as many as possible will result in a good trollAnnoyanceThis is the allstar of the troll spectrum Racial comments page wideninglengthing misinformation deragatory comments etc all are considered an annoyance But be careful The common pitfall is the annoyance is used to frequently and too loudly Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success read more about this below Here are some examples of good and bad annoyancesBad You stupid fucking nigger Im going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you you shitface cocksucking animal This will be modded down immediately and will probably not be responded to This message will largely be ignored thus limiting the troll affectPosting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every moveGood Its posts like these that question the education system of America If you were paying any attention at school you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery It was Abraham Lincolns last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go awayMaking references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent especially when in your troll you make it obvious that you dont have anyBad I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT As it turns out the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data Good Oh I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute According to the reseptionist notice intentionally bad spelling the integral of ex2 is ex so its got to be rightArguabilityPosts such as You fucking faggot Im going to kill you has no element of arguability You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument There is a right way and a wrong way to doing this Usually if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor its the wrong wayExamplesBad You worthless piece of horseshit Your views are wrong jackassGood This study post link to mostly irrelevant and offtopic study indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux usersDrawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot ExampleGood When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle he used intentionally bad grammar which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawedPermeanceQuestion If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it is it still a troll Answer NoA troll can only have so much longevity I call this principle permeance Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post and to a lesser extent respond to it Good formatting grammar and spelling all contribute to a posts permeance but the real factor is contentMost of you spend a lot of time reading at 1 presumably so you will know that a fair amount of racist and antisemetic comments are posted Most Slashdot users will not see these because they are at 1 klercks PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see themTo maximize permeance you have to 1 Sound like you now what you are talking about 2 Sound like you have a stake in your point of view maening you care about what you think and 3 Express it without homophobia any sort of racism and discrimination You will see that trolls at 1 and even 2 use this principle You will see that trolls at 0 and 1 do not use this principle This brings us toFirst Fundamental Theorem of Trolling Anonymous Cowards by definition rarely succeed in posting a good trollSecond Fundamental Theorem of Trolling If an AC succeeds in a good troll it would even be better if it were posted at 1 or 2 by default SubtletyCertain posts SCREAM This is a troll Please ignore it These are not successful trolls As a troll your every urge is to scream YOU FUCKING FAGGOT HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO to the Slashbot homos Resist this at every cost You need to diplomatically insult them Its hard I know but it will result in success GOOD PHRASESYou should know by now that Havent you learned anything from eventWhat a stereotypical viewWas this post sarcasticI cant believe the level of ignorance of that point of viewTopicalityThis is a nobrainer and therefore Im not going to spend much time discussing it Why do you think BSD is Dying trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katzs articlesLogicalityDid I make that word up Probably But its principle is still important use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls Jump to illogical conclusions Misquote or misrepresent parents posts when responding Make references to studies linking them to a 404 not found page You get the idea This one isnt hard to introduce but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responsesThis is a brief introduction to the good trolling Soon I will post an article about combining dimensions and look at some good and bad trolls in the past

-pwpbot

Totalitarians begin small (2, Interesting)

io333 (574963) | about 12 years ago | (#3790429)

Search engines are for-profit corporations. They ought to be able to do what they please, so long as they are not doing direct harm to others. That is the essence of capitalism. If consumers of information demand unbiased searches, then they will gravitate to search engines that advertise such. Again, this is how capitalism works: the company that provides what the customer wants succeeds.

How dare the government dictate how information, from a search engine that is composed exactly of SPEECH and the PRESS ought to be formatted to benefit the "consumer." That is unprecedented, and unconstitutional.

If we let them get away with this, it's one fast ride down a greased up slippery slope to control of information on the net.

Re:Totalitarians begin small (1)

siasl33 (565927) | about 12 years ago | (#3790465)

The problem is not "paid ranking" its the "illusion of unbiased search". If you want to run a search engine that only ranks based on the payola to your pocket. More power to you. Users just need to have that disclosed.

Re:Totalitarians begin small (4, Insightful)

Bilbo (7015) | about 12 years ago | (#3790468)

If we let them get away with this, it's one fast ride down a greased up slippery slope to control of information on the net.

Please check to see that your brain is in gear before letting your mouth run off.

The FTC isn't saying anything about how these corporations can conduct their business, or how they do their rankings, or who they accept money from. They aren't forbidding search engines from making money, or placing some sites ahead of others based on how much they have been paid.

All they are saying is that, when the results are presented to the customer, "matches" which are made primarily based on sponsorship are simply marked as such, so that the customer is able to make an informed choice.

best use of their time? (4, Insightful)

frovingslosh (582462) | about 12 years ago | (#3790447)

We can't get our gub'mint to outlaw spam, but they can spend their time telling search engines how to do business! Sure, I think this info should be disclosed too, but on a priority basis there are a lot of other things I would rather see the effort spent on, and I'm not sure what legal basis they have to tell a site how to present links.

As long as the site isn't outright claiming that they don't bias searches based on 'ad revenue' (payola), I don't see that they have done anything wrong in doing it. Could be an unwise move to do it if there is a public backlash, but it doesn't strike me as anything that tax paid "public servants" need to stick their nose in.

WHAT no more payola? (1)

VEGx (576738) | about 12 years ago | (#3790454)

Where are going this way?

What about other types of "search"? (5, Interesting)

callott (306608) | about 12 years ago | (#3790500)

One of the major online travel sites will quite happily skew "lowest fare" flight search results towards a certain airline as long as said airline is willing to pay them a modest monthly fee. (I'm not going to say which one.)

The lowest fares (in an absolute, mathematical sense) are still there, just buried 40 pages deep into the search results. 99.999999% of all users won't bother to navigate past the first page, but the "complete results" are technically available for you to browse through.

This is just one real-life example -- there are endless, and I mean endless, types of games you can play by sorting of results. As long as the company has something to gain by skewing search results a certain way, some of the companies will choose to do so. (Yet another argument against any one private entity monopolizing access to a certain type of information.)

Aloha,

-Cal

Cock! (-1)

Anal Cocks (557998) | about 12 years ago | (#3790527)

Cock.

Dildo! (-1)

GhostseTroll (582659) | about 12 years ago | (#3790532)

Dildo.

Wow, Truth in Advertising! (1)

farrellj (563) | about 12 years ago | (#3790540)

Way to go, Google!

ttyl
Farrell
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