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LWN.net Closing Down

michael posted about 12 years ago | from the 21-penguin-salute dept.

The Media 307

Anonymous Coward writes "The best Linux news site is calling it a day. Citing money problems, they are saying next weeks issue will be the last. I've been reading LWN.net since the very beginning. They have always demonstrated sanity, restraint and professionalism along with thoughtful commentary - unlike certain other well known Linux news sites. Very sad." They've had problems since last fall. It's been a good four year run for them.

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Yay (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949070)

Fork Pork Bork

claimed (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949121)

I claim this whole goddamned story for the trolls.

Your readership is down, the ac posts are up, the mods are blowing their loads too fast these days. This is the beginning of the end of slashdot.


--
SweetAndSourJesus, who would like to be posting this at -1 and saving a moderator's time

* * * BLOW JOB COUPON * * * (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949232)

VA Software and Slashdot are proud to offer you the moderator a free blowjob by any member of the VA Software and OSDN community. Simply spend one moderation point on this post and you will receive details in a private message!

See you soon,

the boys

the writing is on the wall (1)

krog (25663) | about 12 years ago | (#3949076)

it makes me wonder when *ahem* certain other Linux news sites will fail as well.

LNUX closed today at $0.66, i think...

good point (3, Insightful)

Frothy Walrus (534163) | about 12 years ago | (#3949219)

This is a good point. The Editors have not said boo lately about subscriptions -- I bet you a dollar that means they didn't get jack. Please read on before modding me.

Mr Malda can take this as a lesson. Rusty from k5 [kuro5hin.org] rustled up about $35,000 by passing the hat around, and at last count Slashdot had collected about 1/10 that, for offering "premium" service. It goes to show, if you treat your users with respect to the point of fanaticism, they will hold you in high regard with similar vigor. If you irritate 50% of them at any given time, you get it right back.

It looks like the Internet Age is heading towards dusk for VA; it's spent well over a month under $1 and will most likely be delisted when things in the stock market loosen up a bit.

Can Slashdot go free again? Without a change in leadership, I'm not so sure.

Re:the writing is on the wall (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949274)

Somebody say HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)

Verse 1: Brother Marquis
You see, me and my homies like to play this game
We call it Amtrak but some call it the train
We all would line up in a single-file line
And take our turns at waxing girls' behinds
But every time it came to me, I was shit out of luck
Because I'd stick my dick in, and it would get stuck
The girls would say "Stop!" I'd say "I'm not!
That's enough, I quit, 'cause y'all are bustin' me out!"
I say, girls, don't hide it, just divide it
And please don't knock it until you've tried it
So to all of you bitches and all you hoes
Let's have group sex and do the Rambo!

Somebody say HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)

Verse 2: Fresh Kid Ice
I'm the Peter Piper of the 1980's
Got a long hard dick for all of the ladies
I don't care if you got three babies
You can work the sitck in my Mercedes
If you wanna blow, just let me know
We can go backstage at the end of the show
I'll look at you, and you will look at me
With my dick in my hands as you fall to your knees
You know what to do, 'cause I won't say please
Just nibble on my dick like a rat does cheese!

Somebody say HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)
HEY we want some PUSSAY! (HEY we want some PUSSAY!)

so (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949078)

i love slashdot

the fart i just cut fuckin rocked the house, man.


--
sweetandsourjesus

When does Slashdot follow? (5, Insightful)

MisterBlister (539957) | about 12 years ago | (#3949079)

This honestly isn't a troll. I'm just wondering how viable Slashdot is for the near future? Considering the well known "Slashdot" effect, they must pay a bundle on bandwidth charges each month, and 90% of the ads on the site seem to be for other OSDN sites, so I don't think they're pulling in any money there. I know they have subscriptions, but have THAT many people really signed up for them? How long until Slashdot is gone or goes a bit-more subscription based (ala Salon)? Anyone willing to make some public guesses?

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (5, Insightful)

Surak (18578) | about 12 years ago | (#3949106)

Not too long before anything with decent content goes subscription based (excluding volunteer-run sites perhaps), except for the academic stuff, but then again, some universities have decided to restrict access to the 'good' content to behind the campus firewall, leaving just course descriptions and such publically accessible.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (1)

Error27 (100234) | about 12 years ago | (#3949259)

I'm interested to see a list of succesful "for pay" Linux websites. The fact is that professional websites are being put out of business by amature websites whether they are add based or "for pay".

Slashdot is a special case because it only creates a tiny bit of original content.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (5, Insightful)

sh0rtie (455432) | about 12 years ago | (#3949145)


Speaking as a experienced webdeveloper they could cut the bandwidth usage here at least in half by using stylesheets,removing whitespace in the source,and adhering to w3c [w3c.org] standards in the html code , it would be quite trivial to convert and the time spent would == cash saved for the effort (and it would still work in lynx:)

we are always bashing people about standards , so why dont we take a leaf out of our own book and make this site/code/browsers use the technology available to us ?, it is 2002 after all not 1992.

heh or is it another case of "do as i say not as i do" ?

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (3, Funny)

realdpk (116490) | about 12 years ago | (#3949190)

Another way they could probably make more money is if less people would block their ads. :)

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949211)

if they didnt use doubleclick people probably wouldnt block them

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949218)

They use Doubleclick? Guess if I didn't block ads, I might notice that.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (2)

BrookHarty (9119) | about 12 years ago | (#3949246)

I resent that, filtering ads actually saves slashdot on bandwidth. (-;

My main news sites are la times, ny times, bbc and news.yahoo. If I could get a site that had as much news, and that many points of views, it would be worth my money. I hate reading 1 story and not getting all of the information.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (2)

Tablizer (95088) | about 12 years ago | (#3949270)

(* Another way they could probably make more money is if less people would block their ads. *)

Hmmmm. Is there are market for ASCII-art ads?

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (2)

gehrehmee (16338) | about 12 years ago | (#3949273)

Ask google. They're actually using ascii letters for that matter. ;)

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (1)

orkysoft (93727) | about 12 years ago | (#3949275)

Ask the -1 Trolls. They seem experienced :-P

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949276)


google [google.com] seems to think so

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949278)

Google does well with text ads.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (1)

ftobin (48814) | about 12 years ago | (#3949321)

I should note that I not only block all Slashdot images, but I also have bought a subscription.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (3, Insightful)

nemesisj (305482) | about 12 years ago | (#3949277)

Another option would be to enable gzip compression on Apache. That would save probably 3/4 of the bandwidth they use, which is a huge immediate savings money-wise, and would greatly decrease load times.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (2)

Tablizer (95088) | about 12 years ago | (#3949303)

(* they could cut the bandwidth usage here at least in half by...removing whitespace in the source... *)

Don't most routers and/or bandwith services compress that anyhow using Huffman-like compression?

True, just because it is compressed does not necessarily mean that you still don't get charged for it.

Also, whatever happened to micro-payments? I might pay for certain activities with small amounts equivalent to a nickle here and dime there.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (1)

acceleriter (231439) | about 12 years ago | (#3949164)

Ah, but Salon has writers. Here, we're going to ask the users to do the writing, and charge them? No go. Perhaps a P2P solution over Freenet is the answer--see Freenet Message Board toward the middle of this page [freenetproject.org] . All it would need is some tweaks to allow people to selectively view content signed with certain keys (editors?) and a mechanism for posters to have submissions signed and voila'--a /. replacement without the bandwidth costs.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (1)

gmhowell (26755) | about 12 years ago | (#3949166)

Reading certain journals shows that VA is seriously in the shitter. Just go to any of the stock quote sites. Bill Gates has enough pocket change to buy the place and shut it down. That should show how little he cares about it.

Witness the recent posting caps placed on people with insufficient karma. Don't be surprised to see the discussion part of this board go all pay real soon. Remember, only front page views matter to them. If that truly is the case, it would be trivial to replace all of this dynamic crap with some static pages updated a dozen times per day.

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949197)

It'd be a greater "revenge" if he bought it... AND KEPT IT! Imagine that... Bill Gates owning Slashdot.

Never! Slashdot will not bow down to the man! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949176)

I have complete faith in CmdrTaco, Cowboy Neal, Hemos, michael and timothy (sometimes chrisd). They would never "sell out" [salon.com] or reduce their editorial standards [slashdot.org] . At some point, in the future, someone will monetize the concept of free. These guys have done a pretty good job in the pursuit of that goal. Who wants to bet that CmdrTaco hasn't turned /. into some pretty sweet gadgets? Without even learning how to use a spell checker!

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (2, Insightful)

Graymalkin (13732) | about 12 years ago | (#3949203)

How would slashdot charge a Salon style subscription fee? They don't own the comments posted nor the stories posted unless they're articles written by one of the editors which rarely happens. No one is going to pay to read Jon fucking Katz.

Salon actually produced content which they owned and could charge money for. Unless Rob and crew hire active posters to say shit about the article and get them to sign over rights to the work they couldn't sell shit. The subscription system as is is more of a tip jar than true subscription. Rob hiring members is not very likely considering his low opinion of the comments on the site.

If VA was going to go Chapter 7 they'd unload OSDN on the first company that would have them. Even though Linux is 80% hype a big name would still loave to have OSDN in the fold. VA gets scads of free advertising and just plain mindshare by owning OSDN. Slashdot and the other "news" sites handle the Linux hype machine for the OSDN sites while the real work gets done in Development and Media sites with complimentary stuff being sold through ThinkGeek. Anyone with even a remote interest in Linux would want OSDN's portfolio. I don't see slashdot tanking any time soon.

that's not the only problem (1)

krog (25663) | about 12 years ago | (#3949251)

Just because Slashdot might receive money for a while, doesn't mean it is safe from going to shit. Many would say it is already happening right now. Whatever one's opinion, it is true that new management and ownership by a larger company will only increase the chance that Slashdot will be ultimately controlled by people who don't give a shit. That's never good for a website. I wouldn't even rule out Rob and friends being deposed themselves.

I guess we'll wait and see...

Re:When does Slashdot follow? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949286)

I'd like to see a timeline.
  1. I believe that it all started with a beige-box company called Fintronic which installed Linux on their boxes.
  2. Then a couple years later, I think they changed their name to VA Linux.
  3. Then there was an IPO.
  4. Then they bought Slashdot.
  5. I don't remember where OSDN came from.
  6. And then they changed their name again to VA Software.
  7. Next year they'll be out of the web business, and selling beige boxes again.
  8. The name will revert to Fintronic.
Criswell has spoken!

uh, taco, (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949080)

as much as i love reading the trolls at -1 (hell, it beats your usual shit), you may wanna hack slashcode to limit anony posting. the previous article is a complete joke from all the -1's.

( Read More... | 6 of 68 comments ) (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949094)

rofl

trolls fucking 0wn j00, taco. give us our -1 back you sonofabitch!

Re:uh, taco, (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949101)

no, thats a fucking stupid idea - maybe the editors would do better by actually putting up news articles that is actually "stuff that matters" rather than boring pointless fucking crap arsed shit like that last story.

FUCK YOU (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949085)

-= OBEY =- me you fucking cowards

Secrets of the Girl's Locker Room (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949086)

What will you see in the women's locker room? You will see fat jodhpur thighs and cellulite buttocks which look like buckets of spoiled cottage cheese. You will see asymmetrical lop-sided breasts with hairs growing out of the nipples. You will see industrial size panties stretched over roly-poly guts. You will see hairy unshaven ape-like underarms. You will see various residues of menstrual fluid stains and paraphernalia. That is what you will see in the women's locker room.

Re:Secrets of the Girl's Locker Room (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949114)

mmmmmmmm sounds tasty...

How'd you let this one slip by, guys? (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949089)

They have always demonstrated sanity, restraint and professionalism along with thoughtful commentary - unlike certain other well known Linux news sites. Very sad.

I'm surprised this not-so-veiled insult made it onto the front page...

Re:How'd you let this one slip by, guys? (2, Offtopic)

linuxrunner (225041) | about 12 years ago | (#3949248)

probably because....
It's more true than you realize....

When VA Linux does close, please pass on SlashDot to me.
Seriously: Talk to me first, I'll buy it, whatever.

Make some changes:
Add many admins to help add news, write news, etc. Not the same three people.
Take away admin moderator points. You're biased therefore you shouldn't mod. Same reason I can't mod a thread I posted in.....

I'd even drop the adds, or add affordable text ads, so people can plug their own sites.. not something that costs 400 bucks or more but 5 bucks... or less.

Remember, consider me!!!

Ouch! (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949091)

"They have always demonstrated sanity, restraint and professionalism along with thoughtful commentary - unlike certain other well known Linux news sites. Very sad."

Shots taken AT Slashdot ON Slashdot. Usually I have to atleast read the comments for that.

Please note: VA Stock Closed at... (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949093)

.61 USD today. 10 shares might get you a decent take out chinese dinner and a 5-day movie at Blockbuster.

LWN...just another nail in the coffin.

AREDUBYAESS

Hmm... (1, Redundant)

User 956 (568564) | about 12 years ago | (#3949098)

They have always demonstrated sanity, restraint and professionalism along with thoughtful commentary - unlike certain other well known Linux news sites.

Oh, you shouldn't say that about Slashdot...

Re:Hmm... (5, Insightful)

SlugLord (130081) | about 12 years ago | (#3949141)

It's always good to see the real human beings who understand that all news reporting comes with a slant, and that some (though surely not Slashdot) is more biased than others.

I read everything here with a suspicious eye, though I think that some of the most suspicious (of government and big companies anyway) persons are probably trusting of Slashdot in its ability to provide knowledgeable, minimally-biased news.

when will slashdot close down? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949100)

please i pray for that day to come, this site is such a fucking piece of shit. Hypocrite nazi censoring editors make me sick.

unlike certain other... (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949102)

They have always demonstrated sanity, restraint and professionalism along with thoughtful commentary - unlike certain other well known Linux news sites.

News sites like Slashdot?

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949107)

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.

I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!

Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________

* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.

- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

mroX6Q5ChA Post #939

*BSD is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949108)

It is now official. Netcraft confirms: *BSD is dying

One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last [samag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.

You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.

FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time FreeBSD developers Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: FreeBSD is dying.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.

Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.

All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.

Fact: *BSD is dying


- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02

7lEIsnVyx3 Post #940

Why FreeBSD is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949109)

The End of FreeBSD

[ed. note: in the following text, former FreeBSD developer Mike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD]

When I stood for election to the FreeBSD core team nearly two years ago, many of you will recall that it was after a long series of debates during which I maintained that too much organisation, too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project.

Today, as I read the latest discussions on the future of the FreeBSD project, I see the same problem; a few new faces and many of the old going over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes. Frankly I'm sick of it.

FreeBSD used to be fun. It used to be about doing things the right way. It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane chores of programming for a living got you down. It was something cool and exciting; a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile.

It's not anymore. It's about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones, telling others what to do and doing what you're told. It's about who can rant the longest or shout the loudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best. Individuals notwithstanding, the project as a whole has lost track of where it's going, and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics.

So I'm leaving core. I don't want to feel like I should be "doing something" about a project that has lost interest in having something done for it. I don't have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battle; I have a life to live and a job to keep, and I won't achieve any of the goals I personally consider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project.

Discussion

I'm sure that I've offended some people already; I'm sure that by the time I'm done here, I'll have offended more. If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make a sincere effort to address the problems I'm discussing here, please do us the courtesy of playing your politics openly.

From a technical perspective, the project faces a set of challenges that significantly outstrips our ability to deliver. Some of the resources that we need to address these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since we made the mistake of electing officers. Others have left in disgust, or been driven out by the culture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then. More may well remain available to recruitment, but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach are sorely diminished.

There's no simple solution to this. For the project to move forward, one or the other of the warring philosophies must win out; either the project returns to its laid-back roots and gets on with the work, or it transforms into a super-organised engineering project and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what, ultimately, we all know we want.

Whatever path is chosen, whatever balance is struck, the choosing and the striking are the important parts. The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sort of progress.

Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shot, no matter how distended. All I can really ask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big picture. What is the ultimate goal here? How can we get there with as little overhead as possible? How would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers?

Shouts

To the Slashdot "BSD is dying" crowd - big deal. Death is part of the cycle; take a look at your soft, pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment, parts of you are dying. See? It's not so bad.

To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community at large - keep your eyes on the real goals. It's when you get distracted by the politickers that they sideline you. The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean and building is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have their moments in the sun. In the end, we need you all; in order to go forwards we must first avoid going backwards.

To the paranoid conspiracy theorists - yes, I work for Apple too. No, my resignation wasn't on Steve's direct orders, or in any way related to work I'm doing, may do, may not do, or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today. It's about real problems that the project faces, real problems that the project has brought upon itself. You can't escape them by inventing excuses about outside influence, the problem stems from within.

To the politically obsessed - give it a break, if you can. No, the project isn't a lemonade stand anymore, but it's not a world-spanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the more grandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality. Keep it simple, stupid.

To the grandstanders, the prima donnas, and anyone that thinks that they can hold the project to ransom for their own agenda - give it a break, if you can. When the current core were elected, we took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions, and some of you have exploited that. A new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough. I hope they learn from our errors.

Future

I started work on FreeBSD because it was fun. If I'm going to continue, it has to be fun again. There are things I still feel obligated to do, and with any luck I'll find the time to meet those obligations.

However I don't feel an obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now. I tried, I burnt out. I don't feel that my efforts were worthwhile. So I won't be standing for election, I won't be shouting from the sidelines, and I probably won't vote in the next round of ballots.

You could say I'm packing up my toys. I'm not going home just yet, but I'm not going to play unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again.

= Mike

--

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. -- Theodore Roosevelt



- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world

0mFbLhuCTT Post #941

Slashdot has confirmed:PWP is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949110)

Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered trolling community when recently Slashdot confirmed that, after several changes were made to production Slashcode, wide posts account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all Slashdot posts. Coming on the heels of the latest verions of IE which make page-widening more difficult, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. the wide posts that we love are collapsing into the narrow posts that we are used to, as further exemplified by the lack of Slashbots complaining about difficulty reading Slashdot's articles.

You don't need to be a Klerck to predict PWP's future. The hand writing is on the wall: PWP faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for PWP because PWP is dying. Things are looking very bad for PWP. As many of us are already aware, PWP continues to be defeated by users with thresholds of 1 or higher. Mod points flow like a river of blood. Klerck's PWP-bot posts are the most endangered of them all, having been filtered early on because of their uniformity.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

PWP leader Klerck states that there are 7 wide posts in the average Slashdot article. How many non-wide crapflood posts are there? Let's see. The number of crapflood versus wide posts on Slahdot is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7*5 = 35 non-wide crapflood posts in every Slashdot article. Tacosnotting posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of crapflood posts. Therefore there are about 17 tacosnotting posts per article. A recent article put Goatse.cx trolls at about 80 percent of total troll posts. Therefore there are a hell of a lot of homosexual trolls. This is consistent with the number of Goatse.cx Slashdot posts.

But Slashdot is only part of the picture. Due to the troubles at Slashdot, negative revenue and so on, the site will soon go out of business and many users will flock to alternative weblogs, where PWP is almost completely unknown. Trollaxor.com, the popular troll hangout, is also dying, its corpse sodomized in yet another Greek bath house.

All major surveys show that PWP has steadily declined in the scope of all troll posts. PWP is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If PWP is to survive at all it will be among Blog faggot using outdated versions of Slashcode. PWP continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, PWP is dead.

- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters

oU0fCeQWrQ Post #942

And the ironic part is... (1, Funny)

toupsie (88295) | about 12 years ago | (#3949116)

You never hear of a BSD site going out of business despite all the claims of its death on Linux sites...

(linux * 3) < darwin

Re:And the ironic part is... (0, Troll)

SN74S181 (581549) | about 12 years ago | (#3949130)

Unfortunately Darwin isn't a BSD. It's a parody of a BSD, brought to you by Apple. It can die just as fast as MkLinux did. As soon as it becomes less in vogue to hype having 'Unix origins,' it can be absorbed into MacOS like water into the desert sand.

Re:And the ironic part is... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949187)

Dude...stay away from the purple-ringed mushrooms!

Alternatives please? (5, Interesting)

kir (583) | about 12 years ago | (#3949117)

This question obviously would not get posted to "Ask Slashdot", but I'm still curious.

What sites do you, the full-on geek slashdot community, think deserve my readership after next week's closing of lwn?

Loads of linux news sites are out there, from home-grown to corporate backed, but I've yet to find one that comes close to the professional and relevant lwn (not that I was looking hard - after all, I love lwn). Lay it on me!

Re:Alternatives please? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949142)

try goatse.cx [goatse.cx]

and tell taco you don't like dumbfucks like me harassing you because he took away my -1.


-- sweetandsourjesus, who has a million ip's to choose from, and doesn't quite understand why slashdot bother's to ip ban him

Re:Alternatives please? (5, Informative)

diaphanous (1806) | about 12 years ago | (#3949158)

For news on linux kernel development:

Kernel Traffic [zork.net]
KernelTrap [kerneltrap.org]

Re:Alternatives please? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949300)

What'll we get for ten dollars?
Every 'ting you want
Everything?
Every 'ting
Ooh! Don't do that, baby! Ahh!
Hold on this! Oh, sock it to me! Aaahh!
Ooohh!

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Verse 1: Brother Marquis
Sittin' at home with my dick on hard
So I got the black book for a freak to call
Picked up the telephone, then dialed the 7 digits
Said, "Yo, this Marquis, baby! Are you down with it?"
I arrived at her house, knocked on the door
Not having no idea of what the night had in store
I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning
I have an appetite for sex, 'cause me so horny

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Verse 2: Fresh Kid Ice
Girls always ask me why I fuck so much
I say "What's wrong, baby doll, with a quick nut?"
'Cause you're the one, and you shouldn't be mad
I won't tell your mama if you don't tell your dad
I know he'll be disgusted when he sees your pussy busted
Won't your mama be so mad if she knew I got that ass?
I'm a freak in heat, a dog without warning
My appetite is sex, 'cause me so horny

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Verse 3: Brother Marquis
You can say I'm desperate, even call me perverted
But you say I'm a dog when I leave you fucked and deserted
I'll play with your heart just like it's a game
I'll be blowing your mind while you're blowing my brains
I'm just like that man they call Georgie Puddin' Pie
I fuck all the girls and I make 'em cry
I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning
I have an appetite for sex, 'cause me so horny.

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Ahh! Hold on this! Oh, sock it to me!

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Verse 4: Fresh Kid Ice
It's true, you were a virgin until you met me
I was the first to make you hot and wetty-wetty
You tell your parents that we're goin' out
Never to the movies, just straight to my house
You said it yourself, you like it like I do
Put your lips on my dick, and suck my asshole too
I'm a freak in heat, a dog without warning
My appetite is sex, 'cause me so horny

Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny! Ahh! Me so horny!
Me love you long time!

Fuckie suckie
Me fuckie suckie

oh man (1)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949123)

lwn.net is my favourite site. I have been reading there for a long time now. well at least I still have linux.com and kerneltrap.com

Gone from the future, and the past.... (5, Insightful)

zapp (201236) | about 12 years ago | (#3949132)

The sad thing about the Internet, is not necessarily that when a site shuts down it stops putting up new content, but in many cases the archived information on the site disappears.

Yes I know about the Internet archiving effort (www.archive.org), but in many cases the sites going under had streaming video or audio, which is lost forever.

Re:Gone from the future, and the past.... (1)

Angus McNitt (542101) | about 12 years ago | (#3949207)

I agree. Many is the day that I go back to a bookmarked reference, just to find a 404 page instead. I kinda wonder how many times we end up re-inventing the wheel because of it. Or, in most cases I come across, waste hours troubleshooting a problem that has already been solved.

I ended up making local (digital or paper) copies of most important stuff I come across. You would be suprised how many Win 3.x questions we stil get and hard it is to find good answers.

Re:Gone from the future, and the past.... (1)

Alien Being (18488) | about 12 years ago | (#3949235)

in many cases the archived information on the site disappears.
Like Al Gore.

how ironic (1, Interesting)

rigelstar (243170) | about 12 years ago | (#3949133)

I have never heard of this Linux news site before for some reason. Now, seeing the site, it looks like a useful site that I would have visited daily. I wonder how many sites like this crumble do to lack of knowledge of their existence. Advertise!

Re:how ironic (2)

linuxrunner (225041) | about 12 years ago | (#3949254)

Advertise?
Did you miss the part about money problems?

Or have you been visiting moneytree.com again?

Calling all trolls! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949136)

Bring forth the "Linux is dying" posts!

Go!!! Go!!!

Thats too bad (1)

captredballs (71364) | about 12 years ago | (#3949143)


LWN is one of my favorite and daily sites.

I've been wondering if a new solution for the "money problems" involved in running a big site could be solved in part with freenet or some other distributed peer to peer network system. People would, it some sense, be donating their bandwidth. I don't know how you would insure that you were getting the actual site and not a rip-off, though.

Not very AC if you ask me (1)

gmhowell (26755) | about 12 years ago | (#3949146)

When one has an email address listed, how are you any more anonymous than anyone else on slashdot? FWIW, at 11:11 EDT, it's listed as:

????@standardalternative.net

(? to replace name in case one of the editors... edits)

But, yes, it is very sad. Sad that professionalism and rationality lose out to childish posing and ranting.

Re:Not very AC if you ask me (1)

Anonymous Cowrad (571322) | about 12 years ago | (#3949167)

Well, he doesn't have an account here, and is therefore an Anonymous Coward as far as slashdot is concerned.

All the cool kids have slashdot accounts, you know.

Re:Not very AC if you ask me (1)

gmhowell (26755) | about 12 years ago | (#3949191)

I stand corrected/informed.

It will be missed... (3, Insightful)

ninjaz (1202) | about 12 years ago | (#3949154)

This is a sad day for me. I've been reading LWN since it started, and they have always had excellent reporting and editorial content.

Their long memories, digging deep enough to get at the meat of the stories and excellent security coverage for Linux & *BSD will be sorely missed.

A linux user goes back by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949161)

A Linux user goes back.
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins.

Introduction...
In much of today's online news, we hear of how many people are migrating to GNU/Linux. What we don't seem to hear much of, is users going back to their old operating systems. The reason for this article is to say that I've done just that.

Yes, I've gone back. After three and a half years of trying to make GNU/Linux work on the desktop, I've decided that it's simply too hard for the average home user. Before I go into my reasons for going back, let me outline what I believe an 'average' home user is. Mr Joe Average is someone who wants to install their OS, boot it up, and it works. He wants to be able to upgrade his PC , and have the hardware work in a few short minutes. He wants to read email, browse the web, talk to his mates online, and play some games. Feel free to disagree with me, this is merely how I see myself. Note: I'm not referring to Grandma using Linux, or even my mum using it. I'm referring to average users who know a little about their computer.

Three and a half years; that's how long I've been trying to make Linux work on my desktop computer. Right about now, I'm sure that you are now screaming that I didn't try hard enough, or that I'm just plain stupid. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Stupid users don't doggedly stick at something for three and a half years, trying distribution after distribution in the hope of finding the holy grail of Linux desktops. They give up in less than a few hours of trying to (unsuccessfully) install RedHat Linux. Hear now my sad tale of why Linux isn't suitable for my desktop.

Some background...
The year is 1998. I've had my Windows '95 computer for around six months. Frustrated with the constant crashes, I desperately asked an online mate for help. Even though he was a windows user, he calmly suggested that I try something I'd never come across before...

âoeLinux, eh? Never heard of it.â

âoeOh, it's a free OS that you can download. Apparently it doesn't crash much. Just do an online search for it.â

Armed with this meagre knowledge, I set out on my quest for the ultimate stable operating system. I searched online, and found places where you could even buy copies of Linux! So, I left the comfort of my warm study, and returned forty minutes later with my first Linux boxed set â" RedHat Linux 5.2. After initially balking at the very basic installer (and few false starts), I had it up and running on my lovely AMD K6-233. I even got X working in no time at all. Then the system booted up for the first time.... and it was dead ugly. I had a very stable new OS, but I didn't even want to look at it. I was happy that I had several installed interfaces to choose from, but none of them appealed to me whatsoever. Wanting to download a nicer interface led me to my next problem.

I had absolutely no idea how to even get this nice, stable OS onto the internet! After reinstalling windows and RedHat in a dual-boot configuration, I got the help I needed by using Windows and USENET. Strangely enough, I can still remember the name of the long-suffering person who helped me get RedHat online, but that's another story. After looking around online, I discovered KDE. Only up to version one, it was the closest thing I had to a completely useable Linux system. I downloaded all the KDE packages for RedHat 5.2, only to discover another distro called Mandrake, that came with KDE preinstalled and configured. Back to my local distributor, and I was set.

Mandrake with KDE was exactly what I needed at that stage in my Linux using life, and I stuck with it for over a year and a half. Always seeking the 'perfect' desktop OS, I followed releases from version 5.3 all the way through to 7.0. Eventually I became dissatisfied with Mandrake, and briefly tried a number of other distros until I finally settled on Debian. I was impressed by the simple power, configurability, and the ease of upgrade that is apt-get. I felt good about being among the uber-elite Debian user community. Needless to say, I learned a lot about how to configure hardware under Linux during my time with Debian. I learned to sift through the old HOWTOs on Linux Doc until I found something suitable and accurate, I learned to utilize the power of USENET and IRC. Life was good.

Right now you must be wondering; âoeWhere is this leading? This guy seemed quite happy with Linux!â. True, I was. After a while, I decided I didn't want to have fine-grained control. I wanted something simple. I was getting tired of the 'stable' Debian release being so out of date, and the 'unstable' distribution being so... well... unstable. I got tired of having to recompile my kernel every time I got new hardware. I got tired of using command line to talk to my PC. It was time for a change. I had good experiences years ago with Mandrake, so I figured I'd try it again. As good as Mandrake 8.1 was, it wasn't what I was after. SuSE Linux 8.0 Professional (boxed set) was installed onto my PC instead.

I have to stop at this point, and say that SuSE Linux 8.0 (Pro) is the best Linux distribution that I've ever used. It has an easy installer, reasonable hardware support, and comes with the very good KDE 3.0. The box contains seven CDROMS, one DVD and three decent books that would help even the most inexperienced user get up and going. YaST2 is a decent graphical system configuration tool. When (not if) I go back to Linux, I'll definitely try SuSE again. However, there are quite a number of things that have improve (or change completely) before I'll consider going back. Read on for my brief list of things that must must get better before I'll switch back from the Microsoft camp.

Where GNU/Linux needs to improve...
X11

The X Window System is an awesomely powerful, network transparent graphical subsystem. It's perfectly suited to running applications from remote servers. However, this is NOT what a home user needs. My experience with X is that it's too big, bloated, slow and unstable to be any good to the home user. Most crashes that I ever experienced with Linux have been X's fault. My servers don't run X, and they never crash.

What home users need is something small and fast, so they can run local applications efficiently. I would like to see the X Window System dumped in favour of a hardware accelerated framebuffer, running something like directFB or Qtopia. Home users need a small, fast graphical subsystem, with built in 3d support. BeOS seemed to be on the right track before they went under.

Fonts are truly awful under X. Most distributions ship with appalling fonts, and there is no standard way to add additional (nicer) fonts to the system. Even after extra fonts have eventually been added, many applications (eg Abiword, Staroffice) refuse to use the new fonts anyway. Perhaps the framebuffer-based graphical subsystem I suggested could incorporate decent font support, and use a readable naming scheme as well.

Drivers

While having access to the latest version of the kernel is a good thing for developers, for home users it can be a nightmare. Got RedHat Linux 7.3? Perhaps you run SuSE 7.3 or Debian 2.2. You'll have to download a binary package specific to your distro. (I'm assuming that home users won't change their default kernel, but if they did, that binary package wouldn't even work!) Hardware manufacturers should be able to provide one single driver that works on all minor versions of a major kernel release. This way it would work will all current distros, instead of having to provide multiple binaries or source code. Hardware manufacturers don't want to give out the source, as this often gives away trade secrets about how their hardware is designed.

The solution seems to be to make binary drivers work on a variety of kernel versions. I'm not sure if this is even possible with the way the kernel is designed (I'm no kernel hacker), but it would go a long way toward making Linux more accessible to the home user. Even if the kernel needs to be redesigned to support this, then in my opinion, it should be done. Linux users are always clamouring for drivers... perhaps if the kernel had something like this, it might one day become a reality.

Hardware setup

While SuSE Linux 8.0 gave me some good experiences with hardware detection (such as automatic download of NVIDIA drivers), it also let me down as in this area.

The good: I recently borrowed a digital camera from a mate at work, to take photos of my case mod. Imagine how happy I was when I plugged it into my nearest USB port, and it was automatically configured (as a SCSI device) and mounted! SuSE even added it to my /etc/fstab file so that it always automounted when plugged in. I was very impressed.

The bad: Along came my new IDE CDRW drive. At AU$99, I couldn't pass up the purchase. Plugging it in gave me no joy. I was very disappointed that a device so common couldn't be detected and automatically configured under a modern operating system. The instructions on the SuSE support site said to add lines to lilo.conf and reboot. While this is a perfectly acceptable way to get hardware working for a geek familiar with *NIX, I believe that a home user shouldn't have to do more than plug it in. It's an IDE device, it's not that complicated!

The ugly: Once the hardware was finally working (as a pseudo-scsi drive), the next hurdle was to find decent graphical tools to burn and copy CDs. I finally settled on CDBakeOven, an above average KDE application. It burned CDs from data on the hard drive, but for some reason cdrecord (the command line backend) refused to allow me to copy a cd directly. Yes, it was installed SUID root. CD copying is such a basic function nowadays, why is it so hard to do under GNU/Linux?

Software distribution

I'll put this simply. I'm a home user, not a programmer. Why on earth should I have to compile the software I want to use? I know that having the source available is a good thing, but I'll say it again: I'm no programmer. I just want to install software and run it.

This leads to another point. Although having package databases (such as the rpm and deb systems use) is great, there should definitely be seperation between system packages and additionally installed software. There needs to be a standard installer and database for user-installed applications such as word processors, email clients and games, and it should be seperate from the rpm or deb databases used for system software such as lilo, init and cron. This will make it much easier for home users to know what applications they have installed on their PC, and to easily uninstall them if necessary, without knowing some arcane commands and weird package names.

Support

There is a huge wealth of knowledge among the thousands (millions?) of people that run GNU/Linux around the world. If you have a problem, odds are that someone out there can help you, often for free. This is one of the linux platform's greatest strengths. However, Linux users are also its greatest weakness. This may not apply to most of the community, but there is a very vocal minority that gives Linux a bad name. To every Linux user that has ever helped a newbie, I thank you. I have been helped by many a guru, often when I've been asking the simplest of questions. It's the remainder that are a problem.

I once heard a song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie called Every OS Sucks, where Linux users were described as 'elitist nerdy shmucks'. Sadly this is true for much of the 'community'. Too many consider themselves better than the rest of the world because they run Linux. Can you believe that? It's just a computer operating system, but somehow they think that it makes them better than those people who run systems such as Microsoft Windows! Elitism drives people away, as does saying âoeRTFMâ or belittling people who choose a different distro from yourself.

'Nuff said about that.

So what now?
Well, I decided to go back to a Microsoft platform. Initially being paranoid after reading things about DRM and spyware, I bit the bullet and installed Microsoft Windows XP. Like every OS, it has good and bad points; most of which you can learn about from online reviewers. I'll just point out several things that make me want to keep using it instead of GNU/Linux.

Fast graphical subsystem: Windows has lighting quick graphics, both 2d and 3d. There's no denying it. When I move a window, it refreshes so fast that I don't miss X11 at all. While not quite as nice as some other operating systems, font support is outstanding compared to XFree86.

Drivers: Point and click to install (as a superuser, of course). Windows warns you if the driver isn't likely to work properly, and can roll back to working drivers if you deliberately choose to install one that hoses your system.

Hardware setup: My CDRW worked right away, without a hitch. I am able to drag and drop files from the Explorer file manager to the CDRW icon and they get added to the list of things to burn. A quick install of Nero Burning Rom, and I was able to make a backup copy of my game CDs. (I don't like taking originals to LANs where they can get destroyed or stolen).

Software distribution: All windows software comes in binaries, either with an installer or in a zip file. I hope to never compile an application ever again. Software designed for a different version of windows is 99% guaranteed to run, but if not, there is always 'compatibility mode'. One thing to note, however: Applications designed for single user versions of windows usually only run properly as a superuser, and this includes 3d games. I expect this to be rectified as the rest of the Windows world catches up to a multi-user environment.

I can't comment on the Windows using community yet. I've not yet had a problem that a simple point and click couldn't fix. However, I will say that my original concern with Windows '95 has been addressed in Windows XP. The stability is finally there.

Final Notes
In conclusion, I'd just like to make it known that I haven't completely abandoned the Linux community. My home server still runs Mandrake, and IPCop on my gateway/firewall. There is no way I'd ever put any form of Windows on my server, nor would I ever connect a Windows PC directly to the internet without a *NIX gateway in between. Microsoft has a history of poor security, so I protect myself the only way I know how; using Linux. I will continue to advocate the use of GNU/Linux in the server arena. This is where its strength lies at the moment.

Because of their history of spreading virii, I don't use the applications that Microsoft has provided with Windows XP. My wife and I use Mozilla for web browsing and email, OpenOffice.org for word processing, and Psi (Jabber client) for instant messaging. All of these are true multi-user win32 programs, and are perfectly interoperable with their Linux counterparts.

I expect that the Linux community will have something to say about this article; I welcome comments and constructive criticism. Flames will be automatically sent to the Windows equivalent of /dev/null, once I find where that actually is.

By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins

- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix

k723OfXIQV Post #956

Goatsecxsy by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949172)

To the tune of "Without me", Eminem

Two penis bird guys go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside (2x)
Guess who's back [/] Back again [/] Sllort is back [/] Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back..

I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to read Michael no more
They want Sllort, cause Katz is a whore *duh* [/] Well if you want Sllort, this is what it'll get ya
A little bit of Troll mixed up with some professa [/] Don't mod this up they're just trying to test ya
It'll get you banned forever by the mastah [/] on the plantation, but I'm not co-operating
Been banned since 2000 for writing and creating (hey!) [/] You read it this far, now stop moderating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the keys and I'm operating [/] I know that you got a job Ms. Malda
but your husband's porn problem's complicating
So McCarthy won't let me be [/] he IP bans me, so let me see
They try to shut me down but I proxy [/] Cause it feels so empty, without me
So, clickety click, type where you sit
Fuck that, karma whorin dips, nobody gives a shit
Now get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
Just got a new list of proxies, FUCK YOU JAMIE!

[Chorus:]
Now this looks like a job for me [/] DOWN WITH CAPS LIKE JUNIS KANUNI
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
I said this looks like a job for me [/] So everybody, try honesty
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree

Little Readers, posting defacement. [/] Embarrassed their parents still rent them their basement.
They get banned just like prisoners helpless [/] 'til someone posts truth in a journal and yells BULLSHIT!

A visionary, is my vision scary? [/] Could it start revolution, pollutin the stories?
A rebel, so just let me revel and gloat [/] in the fact that VA's stock price is looking like GOAT *zero!*
And it's a disaster, such a castastrophe [/] First posts are so fuckin expensive; but Katz is free?
Well I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na [/] *bzzt* Fix your damn DSL turn it on and then I'm gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a virus [/] Maybe I'm unkillable, dead like Osirus
Ya I'm infecting, best thing since commenting [/] Intriuging the reader's minds and nesting
*bzzt* Testing, attention please [/] You feel the rage when Michael mentions me?
Here's my journal, you can read it free [/] A nuisance? a prophet? Ya, sounds like me.

[Chorus]

A diskette, a task set, post this cid on that sid, [/] Ask Slashdot: Are You Sofa King We Todd Did?
Jonathon Katz, smokin crack mixed with grass [/] If I ever meet you I will KICK YOUR ASS
And Taco? You can get blown by Timothy [/] You eleven year old molesting fag, join the clergy
You don't know me, you're too dumb, let go [/] It's over, nobody listens to your show
Now let's go, suicide for Signal [/] I'll be there cheering like a cheerleader on speed
Or crystal, method to the masses [/] ever since Slashbots been babblin like jackasses *bray*

Suddenly without the means [/] To bring up the MetaModeration screen?
It's not the servers re-boot-ing [/] It's just you, banned by Slashteam! *hey*
No I wasn't aiming for controversy [/] It just happened when they first banned me
Now I use it to tell others [/] That Slashteam are a bunch of fuckers!
(Hey!) Here's a concept that works [/] Twenty million other people find out you're jerks
But no matter how much you alter what they see [/] It just looks empty without me

[Chorus]
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la / La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

5Skg0NPEO5 Post #957

Re:Goatsecxsy by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

CableModemSniper (556285) | about 12 years ago | (#3949287)

This is awesome.

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949177)

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.

I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!

Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________

* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.

- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

GXPSTcSP5R Post #958

Trans. From the Host Geek Pt. 1 by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949179)

Credits: BankOfAmerica_ATM

SUBJECT: GREAT STOCK OPPORTUNITY!!! help me Get Big Brands on eBay I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! PENTIUM III CPU's IN STOCK
Begin Fwded Message:

If someone is listening out there, HELP! I'm trapped, and I don't know where I am. I know this sounds fucked up, but I started reading about this ATM 73.9GB SCSI SCA-2 LVD 3.5 X 1.6 80-PIN 5.7MS 4MB CACHE 10,000RPM HITACHI HARD DRIVE - $269.00 - only 1 left! ITEM#... DK31CJ-72MC http://www.hardwarest.com/product.asp?sku=DK31CJ%2 D72MC+&dept_id=7 online. Yeah, not like withdrawal or anything, but this was an actual ATM, and it was alive, and posting messages to this educational website that I visit from time to time.

Pretty soon, I realized that not only was this ATM visiting the same site I liked, but (believe it or not) this ATM was conveniently located near me!!!!! is to take advantage of the current climate in the telecommunications industry!!!! In every industry downturn, opportunities can present themselves for a small aggressive company like GloboPhone to develop relations with corporations that have networks, infrastructure, and personnel but lack sufficient customers. This is GloboPhone's advantage.

I don't have to tell you, this was no ordinary ATM. Actually this ATM had the power to transfer its consciousness into your mind. I know it sounds ridiculus, but...it used the magnetic strip to actually go inside your mind. Well like any computer lover I am always wanting to try the new technology, so If you are ready to become the biggest man you can be, then order your supply of Magna-RX+ today! See for yourself, what thousands of satisfied men (and their lovers) have already discovered: Magna-RX+ is the world's #1 Best-Selling Penis Enlargement Formula for one very simple reason: IT WORKS AND NOTHING ELSE CAN COMPARE! I went to where the ATM told me to (his inclosure) and swiped my card.

I blacked out and when I awoke, I was in a new place. Yeah, that's right, the ATM had actually taken ahold of my body. It had done stuff like buy a bunch of magazines and alot of candy. It was like, he and I were different partitions on my brain's hard disk,. Anyway, he took control of my body in order to topple this great conspiracy called Project Faustois-an who doesn't want to stick it to the man? This is when all the trouble started...

So now, after a few motnths of letting him use my body (although I quit for awhile) he's gone and done this to me. Normally I "wake up" from his using my body in a convenience store near my house, and it's no trouble getting home. But this time I'm trapped in We will be on the East Coast later this year.
---------------
- Tuesday June 24, 6pm - 7:30pm


Apple Store at South Coast Plaza, 3333 Bear St., Costa Mesa, CA 92626
714-424-6331


Mac Experts, 2300 Lincoln Blvd, Santa Monica, CA 90405
310-581-1500
---------------
- Tuesday July 9, 6pm - 7:30pm


Apple Store at Fashion Island, 367 Newport Center Drive, Newport Beach, CA 92660
949-729-4433
---------------
- Tuesday July 16, 6pm - 7:30pm


Apple Store at Northridge Fashion Center, 9301 Tampa Ave., Northridge, CA 91324
818-709-2253
---------------
- Tuesday July 23, 6pm - 7:30pm

Apple Store at Glendale Galleria, 2148 Glendale Galleria, Glendale, CA 91210
818-502-8310
trapped in a strange place. Not a good place either. This makes me think of like, 2001 or something. But like creepy. See it's all this white under fluorescent lights and I can't see any windows or even doors. All that's in here is this old-ass terminal. Man, what the fucked happened? Then I remembered: I "picked up" the ATM on my way home from work, but I forgot that it was the fourth Thursday of the motnh. Usualy the day I host D & D for the guys. The ATM must have ben there in my body when my frends came over. Wnoder what happened then?

Some point later, I'm here in this white room. It's scary at first, I know they're watching me. All I have in this room is this computer terminal. This has got to be the Project Fastus that's what the ATM has been trying to get inside all along. So I guess it's great that I'm (and he???) is insid, it's like I'm in the frickin' Death Star or something, but I don't see any garbage chutes or anything.

After a few hours of clicking through on thiscomputer terminal (looks like they're running some old-ass *NIX : ) these two guys in suits come into my room from my room. Now it's serious.

They drag me into a room full of all this really sciency equipment-you know, blooping and bleeping gadgets, big cold noises from the air conditioner. I thought I was in 2001 for a second, except instead of HAL, there's this big bald guy. He's red and pretty sweaty despite the massive air conditioning. He barks a few words to the suited guys and they go away.

"So you've been harboring our little ATM problem," says the man nonchalantly. I don't say anything (I'm nervous). He restarts his spiel a few seconds later, this time with a bit of veins comung out of his neck.

"Joel Shane Cross. That is your name, isn't it?" The guy went from good cop to bad cop pretty quick-which was really disturbing. I was already out of sorts with reality, waking up in nowheresville, this odd place. He just kept talking, and I started to get scared, and actually kinda angry. "We know all about you, Mr. Cross. We know that you've been allowing the ATM to inhabit your body for some time now. You've been mislead, Mr. Cross. Working for the wrong people."

"I belive the ATM!" I told him, stickin to my guns while Istuck it to the man.

"You'll learn in time," the red and sweaty man said it from his mouth, but the noise of his voice was all over the place. And then he was gone. Not by turning around, by like, vanishing. And the sciency room was gone too, replaced by the big white place I was stuck in. I don't know where I am. But this shit is If you are ready to become the biggest man you can be, then order your supply of Magna-RX+ today! See for yourself, what thousands of satisfied men (and their lovers) have already discovered: Magna-RX+ is the world's #1 Best-Selling Penis Enlargement Formula for one very simple reason: IT WORKS AND NOTHING ELSE CAN COMPARE!
crazy. If someone gets this message...please help.


END TRANSMISSION.

- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

uP7sbbsH0u Post #957

Casting Call (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949180)

Rectal Impaction Following Enema with Concrete Mix

by Peter J. Stephens, M.D., and Mark L. Taff, M.D.
from the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology 8(2):179-182, 1987.

This article describes an unusual rectal foreign body resulting from homosexual anal erotic activities. The patient had used an enema containing a concrete mix which became impacted and required surgical removal. The use, abuse, and complications of enemas are reviewed.

During the last 20 years, sexual habits have changed in western society. Homosexuals have shown an increasing interest in anal erotic practices, including the use of enemas for sexual enjoyment. We report a case of a klismaphiliac who had an impacted foreign body in his rectum followin an enema with a concrete mix.

CASE REPORT

A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. A well-nourished, well-developed man without signs of intoxication was admitted in no apparent distress. Digital examination of the rectum revealed a stony hard mass. Abdominal plain films showed a vertically oriented, low-lying radiopaque object in the rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. A blood alcohol level was negative. No other drug testing was performed.

Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.

Under general anesthesia, the anus was dilated and two Foley catheters were inserted alongside the rectal mass to relieve suction. A concrete case of the rectum was delivered without incident. The rectal mucosa was intact with a hyperemic and edematous appearance.

The patient was kept overnight and discharged uneventfully the following morning. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined.

PATHOLOGIC EXAMINATION

Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12 X 7 X 5 cm and weighing 275 g. A thin layer of feces coated the surface and crevices. Grooves in the mass were consistent with rectal mucosal folds. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping-pong ball. This corresponded to the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray.

LNUX and Linux are Dying (0, Informative)

Stock Quote Troll (583080) | about 12 years ago | (#3949185)

You heard it here first!

LNUX will be de-listed on August 17th

Linux Conspiracy by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949196)

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
  • Linus Torvalds [microsoft.com] is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
  • Richard M. Stallman [geocities.com] , spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
  • Alan Cox [microsoft.com] is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.


I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual [goatse.cx] propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail [microsoft.com] , which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted [salon.com] on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo [comp-u-geek.net] slut [rotten.com] !

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual [goatse.cx] perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children [slashdot.org] . To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

Is this why you were touching your penis [rotten.com] in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?

We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual [goatse.cx] terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual [goatse.cx] lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.

Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.

In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware [redhat.com] distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual [goatse.cx] practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake [slackware.com] product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.

Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals [goatse.cx] preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, [mandrake.com] an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis [rotten.com] , glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual [goatse.cx] 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual [goatse.cx] practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.

And Red Hat [debian.org] is secret homo [comp-u-geek.net] slang for the tip of a penis [rotten.com] that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.

The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other [comp-u-geek.net] automatically.

The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously /anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no /opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.

More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.

Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows [amiga.com] users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!

Even the title 'Slashdot [geekizoid.com] ' originally referred to a homosexual [goatse.cx] practice. Slashdot [kuro5hin.org] of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals [goatse.cx] who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/ [eff.org] .

The editors of Slashdot [slashduh.org] also have homosexual [goatse.cx] names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement [pboy.com] . (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis [rotten.com] discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot [notslashdot.org] runs on Apache!

The Apache [microsoft.com] server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual [goatse.cx] activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.

And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.

To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS [apple.com] is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'

FEEDBACK
What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo [comp-u-geek.net] -calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual [goatse.cx] child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina [bodysnatchers.co.uk] to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator [hitler.org] .
ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson [rotten.com] causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism [zillabunny.com] .
Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 [xbox.com] sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT [linux.com] is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church [atheism.org] . Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.

Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man [stilproject.com] . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl [python.org] (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'

One scary thing about Perl [sun.com] is that it contains hidden homosexual [goatse.cx] messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual [goatse.cx] queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'

And PHP [perl.org] stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual [goatse.cx] Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord [atheism.org] 's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.

However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)

In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation [slashdot.org] . Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???

If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity [catholic.net] that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman [geocities.com] .
Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


What the fuck?
I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos [comp-u-geek.net] tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Well bugger me!
ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Fuck right off!

IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD [linux.org] , which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain [icopyright.com] . You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL [apple.com] (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted [rotten.com] cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat [adultmember.com] , but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.

Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual [goatse.cx] practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.

Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.

Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO [50megs.com] by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?

Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.

- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix

YUAa3SnX41 Post #960

Taco-snotting is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949202)

Netcraft has confirmed: Taco-snotting is dying.

Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Taco-snotting community when recently IDC confirmed that Taco-snotting accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all homosexual acts. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Taco-snotting has lost more fag practitioners, this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along. Taco-snotting faggots are collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Faggot World comprehensive snotting test.

You dont need to be a Katz to predict Taco-snottings future. The handwriting is on the wall: Taco-snotting faces a bleak future. In fact there wont be any future at all for Taco-snotting because Taco-snotting is dying. Things are looking very bad for Taco-snotting. As many of us are already aware, Taco-snotting continues to lose faggotshare. White ink flows like a river of bubbly, thick jizz. The circle-snot is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core snotters.

Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

Circle-snotting leader Jeff Homos Masterbates states that there are 7000 snotters of the circle-snot. How many users of anal snot are there? Lets see. The number of circle-snotting versus anal snot posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 anal snot users. SnotOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of anal snot posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of SnotOS. A recent article put the circle-snot at about 80 percent of the Taco-snotting market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 circle-snot users. This is consistent with the number of circle-snot Usenet posts.

Due to the troubles of CowboiKneels walnuts, abysmal sales and so on, the circle-snot went out of business and was taken over by SNOTi who sell another troubled Taco-snot. Now SNOTi is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another gay whorehouse.

All major surveys show that Taco-snotting has steadily declined in faggotshare. Taco-snotting is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Taco-snotting is to survive at all it will be among heterosexual hobbyist dabblers. Taco-snotting continues to decay. Nothing short of a jizz-soaked miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Taco-snotting is dead.

Fact: Taco-snotting is dead.

- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?

jiH4WWBbdI Post #961

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949215)

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.

I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!

Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________

* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.

- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!

Y81Z1MYq96 Post #962

*BSD is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949217)

It is now official. Netcraft confirms: *BSD is dying

One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last [samag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.

You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.

FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time FreeBSD developers Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: FreeBSD is dying.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.

Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.

All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.

Fact: *BSD is dying


- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs

Dwygtk3rUr Post #962

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949233)

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.

I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!

Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________

* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.

- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

KqFx3Q79eq Post #964

Do we need complex acronyms? by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949243)

Credits: dmg

Yet again the Linux so-called elite, backed up by their pseudo intellectual cohorts of the w3c conspire to ruin Linux's chances in the marketplace by sowing confusion and complexity. As someone with years of experience in the marketing world, I am constantly amazed at the willingness of the W3C and other bodies to pollute the acronym space with their content free "TLAs".

Basic marketing 101 (and an undergrad course in psychology) would tell them that the normal person is only capable of remembering approximately 7 items of data in their short-term memory, but now we have to remember HTTP, HTML, XML, XSL, DTD, PHP, SSL, DSL, ADSL, ISDN, Perl, etc etc etc

This is a text book example of the tail wagging the dog from a marketing perspective.

I have been following the standardisation of the web for many many months now, but one thing has become clear, E-commerce will NEVER become popular so long as there are so many confusing acronyms involved. The guys in charge of marketing Linux absolutely MUST work to reduce the number of acronyms. One possible solution would be to merge those protocols which are not all that different. For example, why not merge XML with SGML ? (they could call it XSGML or SXGML or perhaps XMSGML), they seem to address the same problems. Or would that be too simplistic a solution for their pampered elitist ivy-league minds to comprehend ?

If something is not done URGENTLY, and I mean URGENTLY, Linux (and other more experimental derivatives such as FreeBSD) can never hope to be taken seriously as an e-commerce platform by the people who count - the accountants.

The miracle of Linux is that anyone actually runs it at all, considering one seems to require a masters in computer science to install it! (contrast this with NT4 which was so easy to install, we let our receptionist upgrade her own machine).

As usual my "open source" advice is free. Hopefully this time my valuable advice will be taken into account the next time the w3c smell an acronym brewing.

Finally, in conclusion, as an American, I am saddened that the Internet seems to have been commandeered by a European based protocol. Was America so short of talent we had to buy the HTML protocol from Tom Berners-Lee at CERN ?

Think of the security implications of the worlds strongest economy, running an e-commerce protocol developed by a foreigner from Socialist Europe. Remember the wall has not been down for that long. Who knows what kind of trojans might be lurking within the depths of these complicated protocols.

I am afraid I am behind Al Gore on this point, how can this be necessary in the home of smart corporations such as Microsoft and Intel ? The answer is the vast subsidies given by European socialist governments to fund development of the HTML specification.

The solution is clear. The federal government should mandate and strongly subsidise the use of Microsoft software for all US corporations involved in e-commerce. Only with a US-developed set of protocols can we be assured of the security of our transactions.

- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

AtAsSJPIfj Post #965

My Lunix Experience by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949244)

I've been using home computers since the VIC-20 and I've come to dread and fear the possibility of being forced to adopt Linux as a result of Microsoft's heavy-handedness. After being hyped by friends and co-workers about the pleasures of this great and fantastic open-source operating system, I attempted to load Linux, not once but four times on three year old PC that was previously running Win98.

The first time took me about an hour to realize that I had to reformat the hard disk and wipe out years worth of work (after backing it up on CD-R). Then I had to figure that the only way to get the Linux CD to actually start loading was to boot it from the CD by modifying the CMOS settings as the PC was starting up. A simple line suggesting this that could have been printed on the CD would have saved a lot of time!

After loading a whole gigabyte of stuff onto the empty hard drive (do I really need to load 50 megabytes of TeX fonts when I'm just trying to get a demo of Linux????), the entire process halted when the floppy disk drive didn't respond. The Linux loader demanded a working floppy backup of some obscure file be made and since I've never used the floppy drive, I didn't know that it didn't work. The installation process locked up and I had to reboot.

The reboot left me in UNIX hell: a black screen half filled with incomprehensible characters with a single flashing dollar sign as the only indication that the entire PC was still working. No matter what I typed or tried (simple intutitve commands like 'help' 'review' 'exit' 'restore' 'dir' 'What the fuck is happening?') nothing made any intelligent response except for returning me to the flashing dollar sign. Shit! I'm in Dante's seventh circle of hell for misers. I was forced to reformat the hard drive and reinstall Windows in order to confirm that I still had a working PC.

I bought a new floppy drive that I will never use in order to load this wonderful and fantastic operating system. Reformated the hard drive, reset the CMOS, and loaded a whole gig of worthless junk from the penguin CD. Everything loaded and I made all of the selections for keyboard and mouse ect... The system rebooted and got to the point where it should have started to work and simply stopped. No response to mouse, keypress, or anything. I reloaded Windows (it worked perfectly) and decided to load Linux on my new good computer.

I ended up back bashed back in UNIX hell and having to load Windows and ALL of my programs and files from CD backups, which took hours. I convinced that Linux is some kind of really bad joke or else an 'emperor's new clothes' type of mass hallucination. How can anyone with a pretension of being a computer professional seriously believe or claim that this junk is ready to take on Windows?

- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

jnmpcexfth Post #965

UCFPKF by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949249)

How are things in the civilized world? You probably don't know who I am. That's
okay. I'm here to inform you of my mission, what I've found, and what I hope to
teach all of you.

I work for the United Christians Food for Poor Kids Foundation, and let me tell
you, there's a lot of poor kids in Afghanistan. As in most countries in the
Middle East, most people are unemployed, and therefore poor. And where there's a
lot of poor people, UCFPKF is needed.

UCFPKF always has the latest in technology. In this instance, we had access to
some Pentium 4's(r) 2GHz. Obviously, we needed an operating system that could
handle the power of Intel's beast. Unfortunately, we didn't have any computer
experts on hand up to the task, so it was going to be trial and error.

We'd heard good things about Linux and its "ACL's". Little did we know of its
incompatibility with modern hardware. It didn't even support Token Ring
networking, the newest form of Ethernet(r), which we require to always keep
in contact between bases. Also, it didn't seem to use SSE optimizations, which
when processing food amounts, are also very important. Also, there were
homo-erotic implications in the structure of Linux, which is strictly
unallowable in a Christian organization such as ours.

The next obvious step was to install Windows. We hesitated because we knew that
it was common knowledge that Windows crashed incessantly. Our experience was
less than stellar. It also didn't support Token Ring networking. Security is
important in this region because many people try to steal food, but "Windows
2000" (which I hear didn't even come out in 2000) doesn't even allow you to
have seperate permissions. Once again, the SSE optimizations were not used.

I was in a situation that seemed impossible. The two most famous operating
systems had failed me. I walked around the base in a dazed stupor. What was I
going to do for our ultra-important network? A boy saw me pouting and sighing,
and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, but we exchanged names, and little
did I know, that young Junis had a gift for computers.

Junis saw me the next day, slaving away at the sparse terminal that "Windows
2000" makes you type in. He asked what I was doing with that primitive OS. I
laughed and told him that I was doing inventory. He ran to his village, into his
hut, and pulled out a box I had never seen before. The box said "SCO Xenix" the
front. I had never seen or heard of this Xenix before. But I soon learned that
Junis was a computer genius.

All we had to do was put the Xenix CD into the computer, and everything worked
like magic (not the devil's magic... good magic:) ). Our Token Ring network
integrated flawlessly with it. And it even used SSE optimizations. Well, me and
Junis are now on a new mission. We're spreading the word. It might not be the
word of the lord, but then again, maybe it is ;).

SCO Xenix: The Unix of Tomorrow.

Janet Milman
Network Administrator, UCFPKF
Afghanistan base

- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world

xk7DJLdmsH Post #966

No free publishing (3, Insightful)

YahoKa (577942) | about 12 years ago | (#3949255)

The simple fact of e-publishing is that it costs money. You can't publish a book wihout people buying them, and likewise you cant publish a web page without getting money from somewhere. We now know that most web advertising is a flop, so subscriptions seem unavoidable. But if i read 10 news sites a day, i dont want to pay even $4 for each one because that sure adds up. If you can think of a solution please let me know, cus there is money to be made there.

The Small Guy Internet Business Paradox (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949281)

Success == Failure

Linux Conspiracy by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949285)

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality,' which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
  • Linus Torvalds [microsoft.com] is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
  • Richard M. Stallman [geocities.com] , spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
  • Alan Cox [microsoft.com] is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.


I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual [goatse.cx] propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail [microsoft.com] , which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted [salon.com] on leftist commie propaganda site Salon.com as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo [comp-u-geek.net] slut [rotten.com] !

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual [goatse.cx] perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children [slashdot.org] . To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

Is this why you were touching your penis [rotten.com] in the cinema, Jon? And letting the other boys touch it too?

We should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as 'Slashdot's resident Gasbag.' Is there any more doubt? For those fortunate few who aren't aware of the list of homosexual [goatse.cx] terminology found inside the Linux 'Sauce Code,' a 'Gasbag' is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra (or to use the common parlance, 'piss-pipe'), then his homosexual [goatse.cx] lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum. This is, of course, when he's not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agenda.

Sick, disgusting antichristian perverts, the lot of them.

In addition, many of the Linux distributions (a 'distribution' is the most common way to spread the faggots' wares) are run by faggot groups. The Slackware [redhat.com] distro is named after the 'Slack-wear' fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes. Furthermore, Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse, a reference to the homosexual [goatse.cx] practise of anal fisting. The Mandrake [slackware.com] product is run by a group of French faggot satanists, and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator. It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked, which is what they do.

Another 'distro,' (abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like 'Disco,' which is where homosexuals [goatse.cx] preyed on young boys in the 1970s), is Debian, [mandrake.com] an anagram of in a bed, which could be considered innocent enough (after all, a bed is both where we sleep and pray), until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares. 'Woody' is obvious enough, being a term for the erect male penis [rotten.com] , glistening with pre-cum. But far sicker is the phrase 'Frozen Potato' that they use. This filthy term, again found in the secret homosexual [goatse.cx] 'Sauce Code,' refers to the solo homosexual [goatse.cx] practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag, shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus, then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid. The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen 'potato' up his own rectum, squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasm.

And Red Hat [debian.org] is secret homo [comp-u-geek.net] slang for the tip of a penis [rotten.com] that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpiece.

The fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry! For example, the 'supermount' tool was devised to allow deeper penetration, which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland. 'Automount' is used, on the other hand, because Linux users are all fat and gay, and need to mount each other [comp-u-geek.net] automatically.

The depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of 'mount points.' These are, plainly speaking, the different points of penetration. The main one is obviously /anus, but there are others. Militant fags even say 'there is no /opt mount point' because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of life.

More evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love `man`, even going so far as to say that all new Linux users (who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda) should try out `man`. In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a man.

Other areas of the system also show Linux's inherit gayness. For example, people are often told of the 'FAQ,' but how many innocent heterosexual Windows [amiga.com] users know what this actually means. The answer is shocking: Faggot Anal Quest: the voyage of discovery for newly converted fags!

Even the title 'Slashdot [geekizoid.com] ' originally referred to a homosexual [goatse.cx] practice. Slashdot [kuro5hin.org] of course refers to the popular gay practice of blood-letting. The Slashbots, of course are those super-zealous homosexuals [goatse.cx] who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses, as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users, the depraved work of Satan, http://www.eff.org/ [eff.org] .

The editors of Slashdot [slashduh.org] also have homosexual [goatse.cx] names: 'Hemos' is obvious in itself, being one vowel away from 'Homos.' But even more sickening is 'Commander Taco' which sounds a bit like 'Commode in Taco,' filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement [pboy.com] . (The best form of lubrication, they insist.) Sometimes, these 'Taco Commodes' have special 'Salsa Sauce' (blood from a ruptured rectum) and 'Cheese' (rancid flakes of penis [rotten.com] discharge) toppings. And to make it even worse, Slashdot [notslashdot.org] runs on Apache!

The Apache [microsoft.com] server, whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS, is named after homosexual [goatse.cx] activity -- as everyone knows, popular faggot band, the Village People, featured an Apache Indian, and it is for him that this gay program is named.

And that's not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world -- patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fisting.

To summarise: Linux is gay. 'Slash -- Dot' is the graphical description of the space between a young boy's scrotum and anus. And BeOS [apple.com] is for hermaphrodites and disabled 'stumpers.'

FEEDBACK
What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do. I'm scared I actually read this whole thing. I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people. This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this. And actually take the time to do it too. Although... I think it was satire.. blah.. it's early. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Well, the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux 'Sauce code' once. Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer (and haven't you always been worried about the phrase 'Monolithic Kernel'?), this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race, as well as a few of the major animal species. It has shocked and disturbed me, to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homo [comp-u-geek.net] -calypse which threatens to engulf our planet.
You must work for the government. Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot won't be able to continue or something, due to legal woes. If i ever see your ugly face, i'm going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass, after it's nice and hot, to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Doesn't it give you a hard-on to imagine your thick strong poker ramming it's way up my most sacred of sphincters? You're beyond help, my friend, as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man. Are you sure you're not Eric Raymond? The government, being populated by limp-wristed liberals, could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual [goatse.cx] child molesting Linux advocacy. Hell, they've given NAMBLA free reign for years!
you really should post this logged in. i wish i could remember jebus's password, cuz i'd give it to you. -- mighty jebus [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Thank you for your kind words of support. However, this document shall only ever be posted anonymously. This is because the 'Open Sauce' movement is a sham, proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom. I speak for the common man. For any man who prefers the warm, enveloping velvet folds of a woman's vagina [bodysnatchers.co.uk] to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child. These men, being common, decent folk, don't have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture. I am the unknown liberator [hitler.org] .
ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


We shouldn't hate them, we should pity them for the misguided fools they are... Fanatical Linux zeal-outs need to be herded into camps for re-education and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society. This re-education shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson [rotten.com] causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism [zillabunny.com] .
Actually, that's not at all how scrotal inflation works. I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum. I've never tried this, but you can read how to do it safely in case you're interested. (Before you moderate this down, ask yourself honestly -- who are the real crazies -- people who do scrotal inflation, or people who pay $1000+ for a game console?) -- double_h [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Well, it just goes to show that even the holy Linux 'sauce code' is riddled with bugs that need fixing. (The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me.) The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this, with their queer slogan: 'Given enough arms, all rectums are shallow.' And anyway, the PS2 [xbox.com] sucks major cock and isn't worth the money. Intellivision forever!
dude did u used to post on msnbc's nt bulletin board now that u are doing anti-gay posts u also need to start in with anti-black stuff too c u in church -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


For one thing, whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing, NT [linux.com] is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film, enjoying the restriction enforced onto them. Remember, a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church [atheism.org] . Clearly, the only god-fearing Christian operating system in existence is CP/M -- The Christian Program Monitor. All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems. It is the only route to salvation.

Secondly, this message is for every man. Computers know no colour. Not only that, but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man [stilproject.com] . Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher.
And don't forget that slashdot was written in Perl, which is just too close to 'Pearl Necklace' for comfort.... oh wait; that's something all you heterosexuals do.... I can't help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do First-Posts on this site if it were redone in PHP... I could hand-type dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them. -- phee [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Although there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a woman's breasts, squirting one's load up towards her neck and chin area, it should be noted that Perl [python.org] (standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally) is also close to 'Pearl Monocle,' 'Pearl Nosering,' and the ubiquitous 'Pearl Enema.'

One scary thing about Perl [sun.com] is that it contains hidden homosexual [goatse.cx] messages. Take the following code: LWP::Simple -- It looks innocuous enough, doesn't it? But look at the line closely: There are two colons next to each other! As Larry 'Balls to the' Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation, Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate it's programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts -- having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of 'colon kissing,' whereby two homosexual [goatse.cx] queers spread their buttocks wide, pressing their filthy torn sphincters together. They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone. This is also referred to in programming 'circles' as 'Parameter Passing.'

And PHP [perl.org] stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration. Didn't you know?
Thank you for your valuable input on this. I am sure you will be never forgotten. BTW: Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars? Mars rulaa. -- Eimernase [slashdot.org] , Slashdot


Well, I don't know about terraforming Mars, but I do know that homosexual [goatse.cx] Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years.
That's inspiring. Keep up the good work, AC. May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community, and make it pure again. Yours, Cerberus. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


*sniff* That brings a tear to my eye. Thank you once more for your kind support. I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lord [atheism.org] 's work, but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man here.

However, I should be cautious about revealing your name 'Cerberus' on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot. It is a well known fact that the 'Kerberos' documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing, in intimate, exacting detail, how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals; be they domesticated, wild, or mythical. Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide, treating it as an 'extension' to the Linux 'Sauce Code,' for the sake of 'interoperability.' (The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse -- their favourite kind.)

In fact, sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties, (Love of Anal Naughtiness, needless to say.), wherein they entice a stray dog, known as the 'Samba Mount,' into their homes. Up to four of these filth-sodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect, throbbing, uncircumcised members, conkers-deep, into the rectum, mouth, and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal. Eventually, the 'Samba Mount' collapses due to 'overload,' and needs to be 'rebooted.' (i.e., kicked out into the street, and left to fend for itself.) Many Linux users boast about their 'uptime' in such situations.
Inspiring stuff! If only all trolls were this quality! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


If only indeed. You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible. I recommend '+1, Underrated,' as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation [slashdot.org] . Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture. Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened 'Bender'???

If we can get just one of these postings up to at least '+1,' then it will be archived forever! Others will learn of our struggle, and join with us in our battle for freedom!
It's pathetic you've spent so much time writing this. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity [catholic.net] that is Linux, in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow. It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment.
As with any great open-source project, you need someone asking this question, so I'll do it. When the hell is version 2.0 going to be ready?!?! -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I could make an arrogant, childish comment along the lines of 'Every time someone asks for 2.0, I won't release it for another 24 hours,' but the truth of the matter is that I'm quite nervous of releasing a 'number two,' as I can guarantee some filthy shit-slurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before I've even had chance to wipe.
I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel, you sexy hunk, you. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


I sincerely hope you're Natalie Portman [geocities.com] .
Dude, nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading. Try to distill the message, whatever it was, and maybe I'll read it. As it is, I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time. 10 seconds is all its gonna take M$ to whoop Linux's ass. Vigilence is the price of Free (as in libre -- from the fine, frou frou French language) Software. Hack on fellow geeks, and remember: Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins. Those godless, oil drench, bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons (another fine, fine French word) and eat that. Anyway, try to keep your message focused and concise. For concision is the soul of derision. Way. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


What the fuck?
I've read your gay conspiracy post version 1.3.0 and I must say I'm impressed. In particular, I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gay-bashing homos [comp-u-geek.net] tend to be full of. Thank you again. -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Well bugger me!
ooooh honey. how insecure are you!!! wann a little massage from deare bruci. love you -- Anonymous Coward, Slashdot


Fuck right off!

IMPORTANT: This message needs to be heard (Not HURD [linux.org] , which is an acronym for 'Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator') across the whole community, so it has been released into the Public Domain [icopyright.com] . You know, that licence that we all had before those homoerotic crypto-fascists came out with the GPL [apple.com] (Gay Penetration License) that is no more than an excuse to see who's got the biggest feces-encrusted [rotten.com] cock. I would have put this up on Freshmeat [adultmember.com] , but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boy.

Come to think of it, the whole concept of 'Source Control' unnerves me, because it sounds a bit like 'Sauce Control,' which is a description of the homosexual [goatse.cx] practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation, thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receiver's scrotum. And 'Open Sauce' is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later. Obviously, 'Closed Sauce' is the only Christian thing to do, as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about.

Contributors: (although not to the eternal game of 'soggy biscuit' that open 'sauce' development has become) Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, phee, Anonymous Coward, mighty jebus, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, double_h, Anonymous Coward, Eimernase, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward, Anonymous Coward. Further contributions are welcome.

Current changes: This version sent to FreeWIPO [50megs.com] by 'Bring BackATV' as plain text. Reformatted everything, added all links back in (that we could match from the previous version), many new ones (Slashbot bait links). Even more spelling fixed. Who wrote this thing, CmdrTaco himself?

Previous changes: Yet more changes added. Spelling fixed. Feedback added. Explanation of 'distro' system. 'Mount Point' syntax described. More filth regarding `man` and Slashdot. Yet more fucking spelling fixed. 'Fetchmail' uncovered further. More Slashbot baiting. Apache exposed. Distribution licence at foot of document.

- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?

gjE3EfZssj Post #966

other good linux news sites (5, Informative)

robdeadtech (232013) | about 12 years ago | (#3949291)

some decent sites that are almost always updated at least once a day...

linuxinsider [linuxinsider.com]

linuxtoday [linuxtoday.com]

firstlinux [firstlinux.net]

linuxsecurity [linuxsecurity.com]

and somewhat linux related but definitely awesome...

oreilly's meerkat [oreillynet.com]

oreillynet [oreillynet.com] and not so much news but definitely up to date...

ONLAMP [onlamp.com]

Typical "open source" disaster (0, Troll)

1000101 (584896) | about 12 years ago | (#3949293)

"But we have not succeeded in raising even a fraction of the required funds."

The closing of this site is analogous to why open source projects will always fall short of its competition (read $ not quality). There simply is not enough revenue. Until people realize there is no money in open source this trend will continue.

Pink page of death!! by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949295)

Either your network or ip address has been banned from this site

due to script flooding that originated from your network or ip address -- or this IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering. If you feel that this is unwarranted, feel free to include your IP address (1.2.3.4) in the subject of an email, and we will examine why there is a ban. If you fail to include the IP address (again, in the Subject!), then your message will be deleted and ignored. I mean come on, we're good, we're not psychic.
Since you can't read the FAQ because you're banned, here's the relevant portion:

Why is my IP banned?
 Perhaps you are running some sort of program that loaded thousands of Slashdot Pages. We have limited resources here and are fairly protective of them. We need to make sure that everyone shares. If your IP loads thousands of pages in a day, you will likely be banned. Please note that many proxy servers load large quantities of pages, but we can usually distinguish between proxy servers being used by humans, and IPs running software that is hammering our servers.

 Your IP might have been used to perform some sort of denial of service attack against Slashdot. These range from simple programs that just load a lot of pages, to programs that attempt to coordinate an avalanche of posts in the forums (often through misconfigured "Open Relay" proxy servers).

 You might be using a proxy server that is also being used by another person who did something from the above list. You should have your proxy server administrator contact us.

 Your IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering.

Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 7/02/02

How do I get an IP Unbanned?
Email banned@slashdot.org. Make sure to include the IP in question, and any other pertinent information. If you are connecting through a proxy server, you might need to have your proxy server's admin contact us instead of you.

Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 3/26/02

- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?

pub1dipfmj Post #967

[on by] A modest proposal by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949296)

It seems that the Janitors, in their infinite wisdom, have banned people who have low/negative karma from posting more than twice per day. Personally I find this completely stupid.

All the trolls will simply post AC as I am doing now. Proxies can be used to get around any ipid bans that result from AC trolls.

Surely it is better to let the trolls post at -1 where it is out of most peoples way rather than have them all post at 0 and suck up mod points and time from "legit" users?

I have tried to communicate my thoughts to the slashcode team but alas, to no avail. They are probably all sittin on their starwars bed sheets watching anime hentai tentacle rape pr0n.

Here is my proposal: All trolls that cannot post using their account post as AC. Use proxies if need be (www.antiproxy.com [antiproxy.com] is a good source). I suspect this will show them how useless this idea is. Will blocking troll uid's stop trolls? NO! will ipid bans stop trolls? NO!

I seriously fail to see the point of this and consider it a stupid move by the janitors.

They want us to troll and crapflood at 0 rather than -1? Fine! So be it! No longer will we post at -1 where few people dare to visit, now we will post at 0 where we will be more visible and waste peoples time, energy and mod points! Hoorah!

The next thing you know, posting AC will be banned! Then what will you do? No more posting interesting insider tidbits! Groupthink all the way baby! oh yeah!

So logout, post shit, use proxies and above all have fun!

Let the games begin! -- on by

- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters

e0QOLa6ehS Post #968

The "Moon": A Liberal Myth by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949297)

Credits: 70%

It amazes me that so many allegedly "educated" people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions. The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet, showing itself in neat, four-week cycles -- with the same side facing us all the time -- is ludicrous. Furthermore, it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity. That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent, God-fearing Americans (as if any further evidence was needed! Daddy's Roommate? God Almighty!)

Documentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate, byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on law-abiding Americans. Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control, Inc., these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up. That's right, neighbors .. the next time you're out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights, the liberals will see it! These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt .45 and a .38 Special! And when they detect you with a firearm, their computers cross-reference the address to figure out your name, and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about you.

Of course, this all works fine during the day, but what about at night? Even the liberals can't control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in (only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor!) That's where the "moon" comes in. Powered by nuclear reactors, the "moon" is nothing more than an enormous balloon, emitting trillions of candlepower of gun-revealing light. Piloted by key members of the liberal community, the "moon" is strategically moved across the country, pointing out those who dare to make use of their God-given rights at night!

Yes, I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous, but consider this. Despite what the revisionist historians tell you, there is no mention of the "moon" anywhere in literature or historical documents -- anywhere -- before 1950. That is when it was initially launched. When President Josef Kennedy, at the State of the Union address, proclaimed "We choose to go to the moon", he may as well have said "We choose to go to the weather balloon." The subsequent faking of a "moon" landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country. No longer can we hide from our governme

- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?

6BrPqbiye9 Post #969

My Lunix Experience by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949298)

I've been using home computers since the VIC-20 and I've come to dread and fear the possibility of being forced to adopt Linux as a result of Microsoft's heavy-handedness. After being hyped by friends and co-workers about the pleasures of this great and fantastic open-source operating system, I attempted to load Linux, not once but four times on three year old PC that was previously running Win98.

The first time took me about an hour to realize that I had to reformat the hard disk and wipe out years worth of work (after backing it up on CD-R). Then I had to figure that the only way to get the Linux CD to actually start loading was to boot it from the CD by modifying the CMOS settings as the PC was starting up. A simple line suggesting this that could have been printed on the CD would have saved a lot of time!

After loading a whole gigabyte of stuff onto the empty hard drive (do I really need to load 50 megabytes of TeX fonts when I'm just trying to get a demo of Linux????), the entire process halted when the floppy disk drive didn't respond. The Linux loader demanded a working floppy backup of some obscure file be made and since I've never used the floppy drive, I didn't know that it didn't work. The installation process locked up and I had to reboot.

The reboot left me in UNIX hell: a black screen half filled with incomprehensible characters with a single flashing dollar sign as the only indication that the entire PC was still working. No matter what I typed or tried (simple intutitve commands like 'help' 'review' 'exit' 'restore' 'dir' 'What the fuck is happening?') nothing made any intelligent response except for returning me to the flashing dollar sign. Shit! I'm in Dante's seventh circle of hell for misers. I was forced to reformat the hard drive and reinstall Windows in order to confirm that I still had a working PC.

I bought a new floppy drive that I will never use in order to load this wonderful and fantastic operating system. Reformated the hard drive, reset the CMOS, and loaded a whole gig of worthless junk from the penguin CD. Everything loaded and I made all of the selections for keyboard and mouse ect... The system rebooted and got to the point where it should have started to work and simply stopped. No response to mouse, keypress, or anything. I reloaded Windows (it worked perfectly) and decided to load Linux on my new good computer.

I ended up back bashed back in UNIX hell and having to load Windows and ALL of my programs and files from CD backups, which took hours. I convinced that Linux is some kind of really bad joke or else an 'emperor's new clothes' type of mass hallucination. How can anyone with a pretension of being a computer professional seriously believe or claim that this junk is ready to take on Windows?

- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart

F2VNhXGNck Post #970

Censordot!! by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949301)


Version 1.1.8 (last updated 19th July 2002 by Anonymous Coward)

Note to moderators : Do not moderate this post down, if you do then you support the editors stance on censorship and you support the end of free speech and support evil organisations like Microsoft, RIAA, MPAA and laws like the CBTBA and DMCA

Sign this petition, let your voice be heard! [petitiononline.com]

Slashdot is using censorship! It is trying to eridicate free and open discussion like we know slashdot to be, it has the following RESTRICTIONS in place to Censor you

They claim they don't, but they do, wonder why their are so many trolls, crapflooders and lamers on slashdot, because they are fighting for their rights! Slashdot is trying to silence the trolls. Remove the filters, the trolls get bored, and slashdot will be troll free!
  • Lameness filters (It blocks a lot of legitmate posts)
  • Unnessary posting delays. Hasnt taco learned to touch type? A lot of posts are typed in less than 20 seconds and it is a ANNOYING DELAY! 2 minute ban? Come on, so some are faster then others, big deal, some people have more to say than others
  • Broken moderation system, The whole point is to sort the gems from the crap, yet a lot of posts designed to make a LIVELY DISCUSSION are MODERATED as flamebait! Come on, not everyone likes X, but just because some one bashes it dosent mean its Flamebait. Flame bait is more useful for DIRECT INSULTS and not legitmate discussions.
The "troll" moderation reason is fragmented and broken, why? Because they are trying to use an obsolete usenet term on a realtime discussion, "trolls" can cover a huge blanket of ideas.
  • Crapfloods, a meaningless flood of random letters or text, which the lameness filter does a crappy job at trying to stop, besides trolls have written tools using the opensource slashcode to generate crapfloods which bypass the filter
  • Links to offensive websites, the most common one is known a http://www.goatse.cx, a awful site which shows a bleeding anus being stretched on the front page. Trolls sneak these links in by posting messages that look legitimate, but infact are sneaky redirects to the site. Common examples include rd.yahoo.com, www.linux-kernel.tk, goatsex.cjb.net, and googles "Im feeling lucky".
  • Trying to break slashdot, this is actually a good thing, as it helps test slashdot for bugs. Famous examples include the goatse.cx javascript pop-up, the pagewidening post and the browser crashing post!
Subnet banning, this bans a user unless they email jamie macarthy with their mp5ed ipids. This is unfair, and banning a subnet BLOCKS A WHOLE ISP SOMETIMES, and not that individual user! This can cause chaos! But real trolls use annoymous proxys to get around this so THIS JUST BANS LEGITMATE USERS! Also, they are trying to censor some anoymous proxies, mainly from countrys like africa, so this yet more DISCRIMINATION!

But, the issue that concerens us the most, is the COMMENT QUOTA. A discrimatory system that stiffles discussion, cripples the community and will ultimateley destroy slashdot unless it is removed! Annoymous cowards are allowed only 10 posts a day! This is unethical! Users with negative karma only get two! That is DISCRIMINATION! How would you like to only be able to speak once a day, just because of the color of your skin. That would be racism, and slashdot is discrimitating on people just because of a negative number in a database! BOYCOTT SLASHDOT! LET THEM DIE!

We wan't these stupid useless restrictions REMOVED! This comment will be posted again and again until it does!

Inportant imformation for users
Boycott slashdot, they are pissing over their community, they are becoming like the RIAA and MICROSOFT! Do NOT TOLERATE THIS SHIT! Here are some real news for nerds sites. We don't need slashdot, slashdot deserves to die!

MSNBC [msnbc.com]
BBC NEWS [bbc.co.uk]
News.com [com.com]
Linux online [linux.org]
Linux daily news network [linuxdailynews.net] [linuxdailynews.net]
Weird news from dailyrotten.com [dailyrotten.com]
Trollaxor, news for trolls, they are real people too! [trollaxor.com]
CNN.com [cnn.com]
New york times (free registration required) [nytimes.com]
LINUX.com [linux.com]
News forge [newsforge.net]
K5 [kuro5hin.org]
Mandrake forum [mandrakeforum.com]
Toms hardware [tomshardware.com]
The register [theregister.co.uk]
Kde dot news [kde.org]
The linux kernel Archives [kernel..org]
Adequecy [adequacy.org]

There are hundreds more, But this is where slashdot STEALS THE MAJORITY OF its "news" from.

Punish them, here are their emails, spam them, flame them goatse them!
Rob malda [mailto]
Jamie Macarthy [mailto]
ChrisD [mailto]
Hemos [mailto]
Micheal [mailto]
Pudge [mailto]

The others ones apperantly dont have an e-mail, probably because ROB MALDA IS PRETENDING HE IS JOHN KATZ.

Thank you for reading this, please feel free to repost this information, please reply to add your comments, fight slashdot and its CENSORSHIP

Don't forget to sign the petition!

- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs

EC9ozgKMLb Post #971

Open Source Development HOW-TO by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949304)

Credits: onby

1. Introduction

As everyone knows, Open Source software is the wave of the future. With the market share of GNU/Linux and *BSD increasing every day, interest in Open Source Software is at an all time high.

Developing software within the Open Source model benefits everyone. People can take your code, improve it and then release it back to the community. This cycle continues and leads to the creation of far more stable software than the 'Closed Source' shops can ever hope to create.

So you're itching to create that Doom 3 killer but don't know where to start? Read on!

2. First Steps
The most important thing that any Open Source project needs is a Sourceforge page. There are tens of thousands of successful Open Source projects on Sourceforge; the support you receive here will be invaluable.

OK, so you've registered your Sourceforge project and set the status to '0: Pre-Thinking About It', what's next?

3. Don't Waste Time!

Now you need to set up your SourceForge homepage. Keep it plain and simple - don't use too many HTML tags, just knock something up in VI. Website editors like FrontPage and DreamWeaver just create bloated eye-candy - you need to get your message to the masses!

4. Ask For Help

Since you probably can't program at all you'll need to try and find some people who think they can. If your project is a game you'll probably need an artist too. Ask for help on your new Sourceforge pages. Here is an example to get you started:

"Hi there! Welcom to my SorceForge page! I am planing to create a Fisrt Person Shooter game for Linux that is going to kick Doom 3's ass! I have loads of awesome ideas, like giant robotic spiders! I need some help thouh as I cant program or draw. If you can program or draw the tekstures please get in touch! K thx bye!"

Thousands of talented programmers and artists hang out at Sourceforge ready to devote their time to projects so you should get a team together in no time!

5. The A-Team

So now you have your team together you are ready to change your projects status to '1: Pre-Bickering'. You will need to discuss your ideas with your team mates and see what value they can add to the project. You could use an Instant Messaging program like MSN for this, but since you run Linux you'll have to stick to e-mail.

Don't forget that YOU are in charge! If your team doesn't like the idea of giant robotic spiders just delete them from the project and move on. Someone else can fill their place and this is the beauty of Open Source development. The code might end up a bit messy and the graphics inconsistant - but it's still 'Free as in Speech'!

6. Getting Down To It

Now that you've found a team of right thinking people you're ready to start development. Be prepared for some delays though. Programming is a craft and can take years to learn. Your programmer may be a bit rusty but will probably be writing "hello world" programs after school in no time.

Closed Source games like Doom 3 use the graphics card to do all the hard stuff anyhow, so your programmer will just have to get the NVidia 'API' and it will be plain sailing! Giant robot spiders, here we come!

7. The Outcome

So it's been a few years, you still have no files released or in CVS. Your programmer can't get enough time on the PC because his mother won't let him use it after 8pm. Your artist has run off with a Thai She-Male. Your project is still at '1: Pre-Bickering'...

Congratulations! You now have a successful Open Source project on Sourceforge! Pat yourself on the back, think up another idea and do it all again! See how simple it is?

- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters

3PZ9z0ck8R Post #972

Goatsecxsy by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949305)

To the tune of "Without me", Eminem

Two penis bird guys go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside (2x)
Guess who's back [/] Back again [/] Sllort is back [/] Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back..

I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to read Michael no more
They want Sllort, cause Katz is a whore *duh* [/] Well if you want Sllort, this is what it'll get ya
A little bit of Troll mixed up with some professa [/] Don't mod this up they're just trying to test ya
It'll get you banned forever by the mastah [/] on the plantation, but I'm not co-operating
Been banned since 2000 for writing and creating (hey!) [/] You read it this far, now stop moderating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the keys and I'm operating [/] I know that you got a job Ms. Malda
but your husband's porn problem's complicating
So McCarthy won't let me be [/] he IP bans me, so let me see
They try to shut me down but I proxy [/] Cause it feels so empty, without me
So, clickety click, type where you sit
Fuck that, karma whorin dips, nobody gives a shit
Now get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
Just got a new list of proxies, FUCK YOU JAMIE!

[Chorus:]
Now this looks like a job for me [/] DOWN WITH CAPS LIKE JUNIS KANUNI
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
I said this looks like a job for me [/] So everybody, try honesty
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree

Little Readers, posting defacement. [/] Embarrassed their parents still rent them their basement.
They get banned just like prisoners helpless [/] 'til someone posts truth in a journal and yells BULLSHIT!

A visionary, is my vision scary? [/] Could it start revolution, pollutin the stories?
A rebel, so just let me revel and gloat [/] in the fact that VA's stock price is looking like GOAT *zero!*
And it's a disaster, such a castastrophe [/] First posts are so fuckin expensive; but Katz is free?
Well I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na [/] *bzzt* Fix your damn DSL turn it on and then I'm gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a virus [/] Maybe I'm unkillable, dead like Osirus
Ya I'm infecting, best thing since commenting [/] Intriuging the reader's minds and nesting
*bzzt* Testing, attention please [/] You feel the rage when Michael mentions me?
Here's my journal, you can read it free [/] A nuisance? a prophet? Ya, sounds like me.

[Chorus]

A diskette, a task set, post this cid on that sid, [/] Ask Slashdot: Are You Sofa King We Todd Did?
Jonathon Katz, smokin crack mixed with grass [/] If I ever meet you I will KICK YOUR ASS
And Taco? You can get blown by Timothy [/] You eleven year old molesting fag, join the clergy
You don't know me, you're too dumb, let go [/] It's over, nobody listens to your show
Now let's go, suicide for Signal [/] I'll be there cheering like a cheerleader on speed
Or crystal, method to the masses [/] ever since Slashbots been babblin like jackasses *bray*

Suddenly without the means [/] To bring up the MetaModeration screen?
It's not the servers re-boot-ing [/] It's just you, banned by Slashteam! *hey*
No I wasn't aiming for controversy [/] It just happened when they first banned me
Now I use it to tell others [/] That Slashteam are a bunch of fuckers!
(Hey!) Here's a concept that works [/] Twenty million other people find out you're jerks
But no matter how much you alter what they see [/] It just looks empty without me

[Chorus]
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la / La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix

XoMusV3JNn Post #972

The Troll Polka: UPDATED by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949309)

THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25

Is das nicht ein early post? Ja! Das ist mein early post!
Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost? Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das post at minus one? Ja! Das ist at minus one!
Is das trolling so much fun? Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein big crapflood? Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
Is it worthless Linux FUD? Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel? Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
Is dis nicht his manchode meal? Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll? Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!
Is das nicht ein Goatse hole? Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys? Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!
Und are they not Taco's sex toys? Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!
Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys, WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread? Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!
Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD? Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!
Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD! Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun,
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene,
Slashdot sucks!

____________________

Change Log:

* Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
* Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
* Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

(C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

- posted by poopbot: for the crapflooder in all of us

chBmXSbxN1 Post #974

OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949312)

OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS
By Serial Troller

Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.

Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.

Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.

Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.

Myth: Open Source is multicultural.

Fact: Open Source is openly racist.

Myth: Open Source is democratic.

Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source supports terrorism.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.

Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.

Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.

Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.

* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *

Myth: Open Source programming is a harlmess, healthy activity.

Fact: Open Source programming has been known to lead to massive obesity, violent tendencies with an obsession with handguns, paranoid-delusional ranting, and in severe cases, complete insanity. If anyone you know is thinking about going Open Source, stop them before its too late!

* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *

____________________

2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot

S3Cb8KMYpQ Post #974

*BSD is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949313)

It is now official. Netcraft confirms: *BSD is dying

One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last [samag.com] in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.

You don't need to be a Kreskin [amdest.com] to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.

FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time FreeBSD developers Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: FreeBSD is dying.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.

Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.

All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.

Fact: *BSD is dying


- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!

sQhgmULmB0 Post #974

A typical slashdot day by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949316)

Credits: anonymous

"Mmmm... this feels good..." I sighed.
"Shhh!" hissed Hemos. "We don't want Mark to come in here!"

True. Having Hemos's 16 year-old brother walk in on us at that moment would not be good. I didn't think he'd be too cool with finding his 12 year-old brother lying naked with me, holding my 11 year-old dick in his hands. But, in all fairness, my hands were eagerly playing with Hemos's dick and balls at that moment, too.

Hemos's mom and dad had gone to the drive-in, leaving his big brother in charge. In our favor, leaving Mark in charge pretty much guaranteed that we weren't to bother him, and in turn, he'd leave us alone unless we were making too much noise or breaking something. Well, we were being careful to keep quiet because we very much wanted to be left alone.

We were in Hemos's twin bed, snuggled under the covers with our underwear pushed down to the foot of the bed. The only illumination in the room came from the faint sliver of light that crept in under his bedroom door. Even in the shadows I could make out the shape of my friend; about my height, but heavier. (Hell, I was such a skinny runt that everyone was heavier than me.) Hemos had a crew-cut of white-blonde hair, and was only starting to sprout some pubic hair. But, you had to feel for it because what little pubic hair he possessed was as blonde as the short hair on his hea and could not yet be seen by even a minimal distance.

And, I was happily feeling for it, running my hands all over Hemos's slightly larger erection and fondling his larger testicles while he courteously stroked my dick. I could tell that he didn't possess the same enthusiasm for cockplay as I did, unless you count his appreciation for the attention devoted to his member. And I knew that my willingness to satisfy his sexual urges was one of the few reasons he even had me sleep over at his place. But, I didn't let that stop me from finding pleasure in the handling of his meat.

I'd recently had an "introduction", of sorts, to seeing what someone could do with a man's dick with their mouth. While spending the night with my Uncle Jerry a couple weeks before, while I watched in secret, I was treated to a visual display of the intensity and unabashed pleasure that my uncle had obviously enjoyed having another man suck on his cock. From that moment on, I had a yearning that I needed to satisfy. With who was my only question.

I guess it was time to find out.

"I... heard that sucking on it feels even better than playing with it." I ventured.

In the darkness, I could feel a slight jerk of revulsion in Hemos's body.

"Put a dick in your mouth?" he croaked.

"Well, " I countered, my heart pounding with anxiety, "I think adults do it all the time."

"Well, I'm not gonna do it!" Hemos hissed. "That's homo stuff!"

"Yeah." I sighed disappointedly, while still playing with Hemos's dick. "I guess it is."

As I stroked his shaft in a steadier, milking rhythm, I could sense Hemos's breaths getting quicker. His manipulations of my dick began to falter as I could feel his body tense beside me. His hips rocked slightly in time with my pumping of his cock, and I cradled his balls tenderly in my other hand. When any attentions to my own dick has completely ebbed, I knew what was about to happen, so I picked up the pace just a bit more while lending a touch more pressure in my grip. Finally, Hemos's breath caught in his throat, and he turned his face fully into his pillow to stifle the moans that broke free as his cock pulsed and throbbed in a dry orgasm within my hands. I continued to massage him and didn't release him from my grasp until his member had gone fully soft.

"Man," sighed Hemos dreamily after finally catching his breath. "You are so good at that, CmdrTaco."

At least I had something to be proud of, I guess, as my friend gently withdrew himself from me and rolled onto his back.

Even though I was only eleven, the irony of Hemos's words and actions were not lost on me. My sucking on him would have been a "homo" thing, but beating him off was okay. Go figure. Within the few moments I had spent mulling over the irony of the thoughts, Hemos had drifted off to sleep. I slipped out from under the covers and down to the cool floor so I could masturbate without shaking the bed. As I toyed with my own dick, I imagined Hemos's cock in my mouth, wondering if the chance would ever really come. Finally, my own climax washed over me, and I got back into the bed.

I don't sleep real well to begin with, and even worse when I'm not in my own bed. And now, with the thoughts of a dick so close to me, as well as the vivid memories of secretly seeing man-to-man cocksucking pleasure floating through my prepubescent, sex-filled brain, I was not about to fall asleep anytime soon. Lying awake until around 11:30, I finally decided that I needed to do something to satisfy my hungers, or I'd never be able to let it rest. The trick was in finding the guts to follow through.

I knew that whenever Hemos fell asleep, he pretty much stayed asleep. So, since he was sleeping soundly, lying on his back, I took a deep breath and gingerly ducked my head under the covers and scooted down as much as I could to the foot of the bed. That put my head right at Hemos's hip level. I raised my head and upper body to help create a tent over his crotch. Sniffing around, I found the faint scent of young penis flesh. I inhaled deeply, both in the love of the scent, and in an attempt to slow my pounding heart. I opened my mouth wide over the area where I sensed Hemos's dick to be, and lowered my mouth squarely over his soft cock and balls until I could feel his sparse pubic hairs tickling my cheek. I finally had a dick in my mouth! I just wasn't sure what I'd do if Hemos woke to find his "homo" friend in this situation.

I remained like that for a long moment, partially in fear of trying anything more, and partly to savor the moment. I carefully let my tongue start to explore his tender penile flesh, enjoying the texture. Then came the excitement that welled within me as his cock began to respond to my attentions and harden in my warm and wet mouth! Butterflies seemed to explode in my stomach and drown out my heartbeat as I felt his dick get to its full size in my mouth. Concentrating in that dark environment, I found myself beginning to identify the shape of his member by taste. The shaft actually seemed to taste different than the head, and the thin skin of his scrotum seemed to harbor another distinct flavor.

I started to softly suck on Hemos's dick, becoming fascinated at how it just seemed to, well, 'fit' in my mouth... how the head lent itself to the back of my tongue, and how the shaft rested between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My excitement was so great that my own recently satisfied dick was responding again, inviting me to play. I was sucking a cock, and I was in heaven!

However, within seconds, Hemos seemed to get restless. In fear, I quickly pulled my mouth away from Hemos's candy stick and held still. The covers rustled, and pulled back.

"Whatcha doin'?" mumbled Hemos.

"I... uh... was trying to find my shorts down here," I lied, starting to fumble near our feet. Well, partial lie, because it was a good idea to do so, anyway, and now was as good a time as any.

"Oh, yeah," said Hemos. "Get mine, too, willya?"

"S-sure" I stammered, relieved.

I located the two items of clothing and scooted back up towards the head of the bed. Thankfully, our underwear were pretty easy to distinguish since Hemos wore boxers, and I wore briefs. We both fumbled to put them on in the dark, and then settled back into the bed. I lay stiffly on my back, still harboring some fear that my friend discovered more than he let on, but Hemos simply rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and promptly went back to sleep.

And, here I was again, so close to my fantasies, yet still so far.

And very much awake.

After hearing the clock in the hallway chime midnight, I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Figuring it was late enough not to be an issue, and since even if Hemos's parents were home that they would be in their own bedroom downstairs, I didn't bother to slip on my pants for the short trip down the hall. I walked softly to the bedroom door, and then stepped out into the hallway, illuminated dimly by a bare-bulb night light. I walked past big brother Mark's door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turned on the light as I shut the door.

Peeing into the toilet, I looked up at my reflection in the large mirror and smiled slyly to myself. I actually sucked on a dick, even if for only a moment! At that moment I was Rob Maldo, secret agent double-O-seven, who could sneak in and suck a dick, and sneak away without being caught!

I flushed the toilet and switched out the light as I headed back down the hall. Slipping past Mark's door once again, the door flew open, and a hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm snapped around my waist and drew me into the room. Squirming in the arms of Hemos's athletic older brother was a waste of effort, and he only squeezed harder until I settled down.

"You'll keep quiet if you know what's good for you,' growled Mark into my ear. "You gonna be quiet?"

I nodded. Mark let go of my mouth and reached over to close his bedroom door, the other hand and arm still holding me firmly with my feet off the ground. I heard something click, and recalled, and not without a certain amount of childish fear, that Mark had a lock on his door.

The room had a yellowish glow from the large lava lamp next to Mark's bed. He took me over to the bed and tossed me face down onto it, kneeling next to me. I thought briefly about trying to get up and run, but to where?

When I felt Mark's hands on me again, I was determined to fight him off, but I was no match for him as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me, sitting squarely on my upper chest, his knees pinning my shoulders and my arms locked between his legs. I gazed up at his lean, muscled torso, his stern blue eyes under a tussled mane of reddish-blonde hair. I could feel the soft fabric of his boxers against my chin.

"Can't get up, can ya?" he said, grinning down at me, all snide and victorious.

I struggled a bit, more out of obligation, but knew it was no use. Mark was just too big for me.

"Whatsamatter?" huffed Mark. "You too weak to fight? Or, maybe you just like laying there, sniffing dicks?"

I started squirming a bit harder, but Mark's legs only clamped tighter. At least he had scooted down a bit, and was no longer suffocating me with his weight on my chest.

"Yeah! Maybe you're a homo-boy who just likes sniffing dicks. Maybe you wanna sniff my big dick?"

I didn't care for where this was going, and I wasn't too comfortable with the tone of Mark's voice. But, I was also not being given much of a choice in the matter. Especially when Mark reached into the fly of his boxers and pulled out his cock.

"Here you are, homo-boy... a nice, fresh big-man dick!" grinned Mark fiendishly. "Ain't it a beaut?"

He held it out for me, then leaned forward and started to rub his cock on my face, tracing my cheeks and nose with the bulbous head. His testicles soon followed his dick through the opening, until they were dangling on my chin, the coarse pubes tickling my lips. Their faint musky scent began to fill my nostrils.

"CmdrTaco's just a little dick-faced homo-boy, ain't he?" sneered Mark, sliding his cock across my face. "I saw you in there, your head under the covers. What were you doing? Giving my little brother a blow job?"

I didn't answer. I was at once shocked at the thought of having been discovered, and confused by Mark's remark. I then guessed that he meant sucking a dick was called a 'blow job'. But... you're not blowing, you're sucking, and-

"You were, weren't you, you little homo!"

It was obvious what had happened; that Mark had looked in on us to find my head under the blankets. I thought I had sensed a miniscule change in the light, but assumed that to be part of my excitement. That must have been what woke Hemos up so suddenly.

"So, maybe you aren't just dick-faced, " he said, rubbing his cock on my face again. "Maybe you're a dick sucker!" He leaned forward, mashing his hairy ball sack into my nose, then pulling back to trace my features again with his member. But, even as Mark taunted me, treating his cock as a threatening weapon, there was something else happening.

He was getting a boner.

And as I closed my eyes, I could feel his cock thickening against my face. I could sense the heat of his hardening dick directly on my flesh. And, I found I was enjoying the sensations of this older cock against my face. There would soon be no way of hiding the fact that I was getting excited, too.

"So, dick-sucker-CmdrTaco... you're gonna suck my dick, now."

My eyes sprung open to see Mark's fully erect cock pointing at my face. While it wasn't huge (I had already seen 'huge' with my Uncle Jerry), it was still big enough to scare me.

And excite me to no end.

"Open wide, homo-boy."

Without another moment of hesitation, or taking my eyes off of Mark's sleek tool, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and watched as he leaned down and slid that beautiful cock into my waiting mouth. I then settled my tongue against the bottom half of his shaft while I could feel the upper half press against the roof of my mouth. Its texture was soft, yet hard; smooth, yet distinct.

"There," he sighed. "Now, you have a real dick to suck on. Now, get started, suck-boy!"

It was so much bigger than Hemos's young dick, I wasn't sure if I could get enough suction worked up to suck on it. It was then that I found out what sucking a cock is really all about: friction.

Mark held the base of his dick to guide himself and started to pump into my mouth, sliding his dick in and out of my salivating lips. He would slip in precariously between my teeth until he was near to choke me, then pull back out until the base of the bulbous head was just close to popping free from my lips, held in place by the suction of my mouth. Then he... we... would do it all over again... over and over... and gloriously over again.

"Oh, you are good, CmdrTaco," he moaned softly. "You suck cock real good."

I don't know about that; it seemed he was doing all the real work. But, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to have this dick in my mouth. And I wanted it again and again. I was definitely enjoying the oral sensations as his near-adult dick worked back and forth in my hungry mouth, and I wanted so much to please him so he would want my mouth again.

Mark placed his other hand on the top of my head to steady me as his thrusts became a little more erratic. His breath quickened, and I could sense that he was trying hard not to ram himself all the way down my throat and choke me. He was making little grunts with each thrust, and I could feel his dick turn to stone in my mouth when, in a mix of fear and excitement, I suddenly recalled what would happen next.

"Oh, baby... oh, fuck..."

Mark's movements got all quick and jerky. I was almost afraid to breathe.

"OHHHH!!!" he moaned, pulling out of my mouth and letting loose with a burst of white goo that seemed to splatter all over as he pumped his dick with his fist. My head still held firmly in his other hand, the warm liquid flew partly into my still open mouth, and all over my nose and eyebrows. I swallowed briefly, not sure whether to gag or hope for more, tasting fully the salty and musky liquid, then opened my mouth once more as Mark stuck his creaming cock back in and worked the thick fluid throughout my young mouth.

I sucked until Mark went soft and withdrew his spent dick. He smiled down at me, obviously proud of what he had done. He finally got off of me (good thing since I thought my arms were going to fall off) and stood there for a moment, an interesting picture with his hands on his hips, and his drained cock and balls hanging out of the fly of his plaid boxers. I just lay there with his juices clinging to my skin, wanting to do it all over again.

Mark bent down and picked up a t-shirt, and proceeded to wipe the remainder of his goo off my face. Finished with that, he tossed the shirt into a hamper and walked over to his bedroom door to unlock it as he tucked his manhood back into his underwear.

"You better get back into Hemos's bed before mom and dad find you here," he said softly.

I reluctantly got off Mark's bed and walked to the door. As I was about to exit, he reached out to stop me briefly.

"You liked that, didn't you, homo-boy?"

I nodded, not sure where he was going with this inquiry.

"Your first taste of cum?"

I shrugged, then nodded again.

"If you're good, maybe I'll let you suck my dick again some time, CmdrTaco. Now, get your ass out of here before I kick it."

I stepped out of the room and felt the door close harshly behind me. I could still taste traces of Mark's cum in my mouth, could still sense the friction of his cock on my tongue. I smiled in remembrance.

I was hooked.

- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix

MVp0PHZS4W Post #975

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949317)

THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]

Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.

Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â

Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.

Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.

I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).

Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â

That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!

Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.

Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.

â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes. :) Join me in a WIPO-snot?

No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________

* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at

$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.

- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow

kmcnoHzPJh Post #974

Slashdot has confirmed:PWP is dying by poopbot (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 12 years ago | (#3949322)

Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered trolling community when recently Slashdot confirmed that, after several changes were made to production Slashcode, wide posts account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all Slashdot posts. Coming on the heels of the latest verions of IE which make page-widening more difficult, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. the wide posts that we love are collapsing into the narrow posts that we are used to, as further exemplified by the lack of Slashbots complaining about difficulty reading Slashdot's articles.

You don't need to be a Klerck to predict PWP's future. The hand writing is on the wall: PWP faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for PWP because PWP is dying. Things are looking very bad for PWP. As many of us are already aware, PWP continues to be defeated by users with thresholds of 1 or higher. Mod points flow like a river of blood. Klerck's PWP-bot posts are the most endangered of them all, having been filtered early on because of their uniformity.

Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

PWP leader Klerck states that there are 7 wide posts in the average Slashdot article. How many non-wide crapflood posts are there? Let's see. The number of crapflood versus wide posts on Slahdot is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7*5 = 35 non-wide crapflood posts in every Slashdot article. Tacosnotting posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of crapflood posts. Therefore there are about 17 tacosnotting posts per article. A recent article put Goatse.cx trolls at about 80 percent of total troll posts. Therefore there are a hell of a lot of homosexual trolls. This is consistent with the number of Goatse.cx Slashdot posts.

But Slashdot is only part of the picture. Due to the troubles at Slashdot, negative revenue and so on, the site will soon go out of business and many users will flock to alternative weblogs, where PWP is almost completely unknown. Trollaxor.com, the popular troll hangout, is also dying, its corpse sodomized in yet another Greek bath house.

All major surveys show that PWP has steadily declined in the scope of all troll posts. PWP is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If PWP is to survive at all it will be among Blog faggot using outdated versions of Slashcode. PWP continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, PWP is dead.

- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs

mQCYTbXPGQ Post #979
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