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Cremation? Burial? How about Diamonds?

chrisd posted more than 12 years ago | from the but-is-it-a-scam dept.

Science 401

travisbecker writes "From Reuters via Yahoo! comes this story. "A Chicago company (Lifegem) says it has developed a process for turning cremated human remains into diamonds that can be worn as jewelry." As for the quality... "If it's done slowly and with a great deal of care, one could have a reasonably high-quality diamond," according to a quote in the story." This should not be confused with our earlier diamond discussion.

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Now I know (5, Funny)

dreamchaser (49529) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115224)

Now I know what my wife will have done with me after she has me bumped off!

Don't worry, (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115320)

before you get cremated, I'm going to dump several large loads of manspunk up your dead ass, so part of me will get diamonized along with your pathetic corpse. Then I'll play Hide-The-Diamond up your wife's ass.

all-linux rendering shop -- and free software?? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115442)

Wow, not only will the Terminator 3 team use an all-Linux render farm [] for generating special effects and CG animations, but there's a rumor on the ILM IRC channel that custom graphics software is being developed using the GPL. [] Who says that Open Source isn't viable for business? :-)

-- The_Messenger

The question is ... (2)

RWarrior(fobw) (448405) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115227)

Is there a market for this product? We've seen companies' rosy estimates of their product's market potential ... who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring? And would want to pay for the privlege?

Re:The question is ... (5, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115284)

yes, but wouldn't an evil villian want to have there enemys made into jewlery they can wear?

thats the problem with todays youth, nobody thinks about the super villian.

Re:The question is ... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115441)

Shut up. There are plenty of "lobsters" (ripe young boys) in New Hampshire, as the so-called "lobstermen" will readily attest. New England is a fucking sick place.

Oh, wait -- you didn't think that lobstermen actually go out to the ocean in boats and catch lobsters, do you? That's pretty fucking ignorant. I'll bet you've never even been on the East Coast.

"Lobsterman" means the same thing in New Hampshire as it means in Maine and all over New England: hoary old NAMBLA members with beards and raincoats who divide their time between fucking kids and supporting union "labor." Maybe, on the farm where you were born, all words mean what they seem to, be we New England folks are sophisticated. Why, we even have a special word for loud-but-ineffective leftist homosexuals past their prime: "stallman." Just as lobstermen aren't "men who catch lobsters," stallmen aren't "men in stalls." Inceidentally, stallmen can often be found in public bathroom stalls, but that's just one of their many habitats. Stallmen tend to congregate around overrated educational institutions. Recently, stallman subcultures have developed in China and Slovenia. For more information on these annoying, filthy beasts, see the stallman homepage [] .

-- The_Messenger []

Re:The question is ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115296)

who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring?

I wear a necklace of my enemies' ears...


Re:The question is ... (2, Funny)

soapvox (573037) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115310)

My wife for one, we both think that being buried is a big waste and ashes would just be thrown away anyways, so why not cremate me to be used as a beautiful diamond pendant she can alsways wear to remember the good times we had, the question is should I fatten myself up before I am about to die to make a bigger diamond?

Re:The question is ... (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115342)

There may be a big market given how many baby boomers are getting into Buddhism. Why waste time living a pure life, when with an easy installment plan you can guarantee that your cremation will produce brilliant diamonds?

Often in the cremated remains of monks who have led extremely pure lives are found sarira of various colors and sizes that look like effulgent pearls.

Chan Master Syu-Yun related this experience he had with a relic of the Buddha at Asoka Monastery:

. . . Everyday when visitors came to have a look at the sarira, I always followed them. The visitors' opinions about the relic varied greatly. I had seen it many times; at first it looked to me as of the size of a green bean and of a dark purple color. In the middle of the tenth month, after I had paid reverence to the Mahayana and Hinayana tripitakas, I went again to look and it was the same size as before but like a brilliant red pearl. As I was impatient to see how it would transform itself, I again prostrated myself and felt pains all over my body; the sarira was bigger than a yellow bean, half yellow and half white.

Re:The question is ... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115395)

>> There may be a big market given how many baby
>> boomers are getting into Buddhism.

Getting into it!?! Where have you been? Try gotten into (35 years ago) and since moved onto the newest boomer craze, Mercedes SUVs.

Re:The question is ... (3, Funny)

soapvox (573037) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115347)

Oh forgot about the Goth Market, how cool and depressing would it be to get your sister who committed suicide to be made into a diamond ring you can wear and always get truly depressed!

Re:The question is ... (5, Funny)

perfects (598301) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115428)

who, really, would want to wear their dad in a ring

It's not all that strange, it's just a matter of perspective.

Around the turn of the century (1900) it was very fashionable to wear jewelry made from a dead loved one's hair. Nobody thought it was morose.

Even now, how many people have dear ol' Mom's ashes in a jar on the mantle? Isn't that a little... weird... when you think about it?

My grandfather was buried behind the cabin at his deer-hunting camp. Isn't that a little... creepy?

People build marble buildings to house their remains. Now that's strange!

As for me, I want to be composted.

Does this mean that... (5, Funny)

cliffy2000 (185461) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115228)

I can just dig up bodies and make diamonds out of them? Now I can actually make MONEY from my hobby!

Re:Does this mean that... (5, Funny)

JimmytheGeek (180805) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115281)

That would just turn it into work. Take my advice - just do it for the love, baby.

Re:Does this mean that... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115288)

If you are a open source company maybe this could be a great new business-model?

1: Write free software.
2: ?
3: Make sure all programmers commits suicide because of income shortage.
4: Make diamonds out of open source programmers.
5: Profit!

Re:Does this mean that... (2)

spacefrog (313816) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115307)


Money and sexual stimulation []

fp maybe? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115230)

could this be a first post?

definitely not first, (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115231)

but my ass is so tasty!

fp? (-1, Offtopic)

Squidgee (565373) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115235)

I think I gots the fp! =D

Hrm... (RE:fp?) (0)

Squidgee (565373) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115292)

Awww, I missed it. Guess Dialup is too slow to get a fp. Ohwell...hehe

Hrm, I have to wonder about this. I mean, how would you like to wear your deceased loved one? Or, maybe more appropriatly, how would you like to be created into a rock? I'm not sure how this owuld go over with my family; I sure as heck wouldn't wish to wear my Mother/Father/Other Loved One's remains on a ring, pin, necklace, earring or other. It seems kind of morose...

Though it is cool!

Girls best friend? (5, Funny)

joyoflinux (522023) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115238)

Are these diamonds still a girl's best friend?

Re:Girls best friend? (5, Funny)

geekoid (135745) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115311)

Yes , they can be a girls best friend, or her neighbor, or ex-boyfriend, etc...

Re:Girls best friend? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115362)

If you use your dog, then would it be man's best friend too?

immortality (1)

evacuate_the_bull (517290) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115239)

you know what they say, diamonds are forever. i can think of no better ticket to immortality...

thats sick (0, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115240)

thats just wrong....

and who's idea was this?

and how did they test it?


leave dead people alone, don't wear them.

leave dead people alone, don't wear them. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115298)

I'm gonna put that on a t-shirt!

Or maybe... make a t-shirt from a dead person, and then put it on THAT.

Nothing beats a Frisbee (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115241)

That's what "Steady" Ed Headrick who recently died was doing. His ashes would be worked into memorial frisbees for his friends and family.

dont buy diamonds buy moissanite (0)

wyatt12 (462857) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115244)

diamonds suck. too darn expensive... buy moissanite and she will never know... i myself am getting frozen.

long live the king!

Widow band? (1)

surfacearea (219926) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115245)

Could this lead to a post-marriage ring? Just don't drop it down the sink.

In poor taste, but so is most diamond jewelry (1)

JimmytheGeek (180805) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115247)

Talk about your heirlooms. Not just gramma's ring, but gramma herself!

A new business-model for open source? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115248)

1: Write free software.
2: ?
3: Programmer commits suicide because of income shortage.
4: Make diamond out of open source programmer.
5: Profit!

Re:A new business-model for open source? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115348)

Don't you people have any gallow humor? :)

A Girl's Best Friend? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115249)

So, if your girlfriend has so worn you down with her demands for a ring that you want to kill yourself, you can get two for the price of one!

Oh, this old thing? (5, Funny)

paiute (550198) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115251)

Oh, this? It was my grandmother.

You mean it was your grandmother's ring?

No. It is my grandmother.

(not for easily offended) (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115253)

If Only Hitler would have known...

I guess its one way to be around forever (2)

Christianfreak (100697) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115256)

So then I guess its theogists of the world can debate wheither one's soul stays inside.

I wonder what the world looks like from inside a diamond? ... probably a little like looking through an ice cube.

Okay I'll quit rambling now :)

why wait?.. (1)

napa1m (154836) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115257)

Why wait until you're dead? Just find an uptight friend willing to help out... to quote the great Ferris Bueller:

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of
coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond"

jewlers or undertakers? (5, Funny)

drycht (151758) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115259)

Now saying "You're a real gem" is a deaththreat, then?

Re:jewlers or undertakers? (1, Flamebait)

dattaway (3088) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115294)

A person has to be made into ashes before the carbon can be compressed into a little gem. I'd like not to burn in hell just to look nice.

Re:jewlers or undertakers? (1)

LobsterMagnet (600137) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115376)

Hell, hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahaha. Oh, excuse me, you were serious.

ooOOOoo... (3, Funny)

Anonvmous Coward (589068) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115260)

... I could finally sell my uncle's body on EBay...

Good luck. (1)

Whatsthiswhatsthis (466781) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115262)

Now your wife can keep you "wrapped around her finger" forever.

Well, at least you didn't give her grandma's sentimental diamond engagement gave her grandma!

What's Next (1)

rbgaynor (537968) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115263)

Next thing you know they'll be molding people's ashes into frisbees...oh wait, nevermind

But the real benefit... (2, Interesting)

M.C. Hampster (541262) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115264) the fact that in the future they will be able to reconstruct your entire body from the diamond.

What would happen to ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115267)

What about the bodies of con men, would they turn into Moissanites? :)

Diamonds, eh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115269)

If they can make diamonds from organic matter, I'd love for someone to diamondize the burritos I had last night. They should be ready in, oh, about a half hour.


H-1B_visas_suck (573220) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115274)


Puts a twist on the old engagement ring. (5, Funny)

MAXOMENOS (9802) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115275)

Now, instead of:

This diamond was my grandmother's, and I would be honored if you wore it.

Can 21st century women expect to hear:

This diamond was my grandmother, and I would be honored if you wore it.

guidelines (5, Funny)

abraxas (19266) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115276)

Remember the general guide of two months worth of bodies for an engagement ring.

Now DeBeers has nothing on us now... (1)

ferrocene (203243) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115277)

What? This isn't an organic diamond? It's my grandmother you insensitive clod!

Or, for the g/f: "I love you so much, I'd gave you my right arm. And then cremate it. And make a nice 1/4 carat."

It's a good thing Hitler didn't have this technology, or we'd be worried about a whole lot more than Nazi gold. That's actually quite depressing...

Re:Now DeBeers has nothing on us now... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115306)

There are easier ways to manufacture diamonds than out of a person's ashes.

They're only worthless because all diamonds are worthless except for the monopolstic stranglehold on their supply

Out with... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115278)

Out with
"It was my mother's"
and in with
"It was my mother"

Proposals... (1, Redundant)

unsinged int (561600) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115287)

Guy: Please marry me...this ring was my grandmother.
Girl: Don't you mean it belonged to your grandmother?
Guy: No. It really was my grandmother.

Now wouldn't that be incredibly weird?

Sounds as awful as most (2)

ajs (35943) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115293)

Most all of the options sound really terrible. A friend of mine has researched this a lot, as he wants to have his remains treated naturally. There appears to be one option. There's a group in the central Atlantic states that was doing something with conservation land where you could be naturally buried (that is, no enbalmning, no concrete, no plastic in the casket, etc).

I'll have to look up the info, but if I find it, I'll post it here.

Re:Sounds as awful as most (2)

geekoid (135745) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115357)

According to federal law, you do not have to be embalmed, and you can be burried in a wooden box.

All morturies will swear this is not true, but if you research it, you can find the law.

Unfortanatly, the person I know who did this researched died(ironically, in a way where his body was unrecoverable) so I don't have direct access to his research.

Re:Sounds as awful as most (2)

_ph1ux_ (216706) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115403)

is that where your sig comes from then? look in the basement. sssshhhh.....

Obligatory Simpsons quote (2)

AntiNorm (155641) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115299)

From the episode where they travel to Africa and meet Dr. Jane Bushwell:

*picture of Dr. Bushwell with handfuls of diamonds*
"Everybody wants diamonds! Diamonds! Diamonds!"

Now the tell us... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115302)

Gee, I guess Ted Williams died too soon. Now we have such many and varied options for carcass disposal.

I guess it's better than being turned into a lampshade.

A Hindu Opinion about Cremation (1)

DoomDoom (452574) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115305)

For Hindus , our quest is to attain 'Moksha' -- freedom from the cycle of life and death and be one with the universe. Therefore , I wouldn't want my mortal remains to be hanging around your neck -- even if you have just most gorgeous set of boobies as your big boobies will block my view of the universe!

bleh. (2, Funny)

LobsterMagnet (600137) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115313)

Sure that diamond will sure make a statement at your wife's next big dinner party, but if you REALLY want to be noticed, try wearing your dead husbands skina around for a while. Or have his eyeballs laminated and used as commemerative earings. I personally see no better way to honor the deceased than to flaunt them around as a diamond at social gatherings.

One last thought, who else thinks that this will be Anna Nicole Smith's next move with the ashes of that old guy?

Re:bleh. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115380)


If Anna doesn't get the 84 million, she'll get another big rock!

Re:bleh. (4, Funny)

Tackhead (54550) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115404)

> One last thought, who else thinks that this will be Anna Nicole Smith's next move with the ashes of that old guy?

If he eats lots of food, and if he weighs 800+ pounds when he dies, there might be enough carbon in him to make a dildo out of pure diamond!

(Suggested epitaph: "She said she'd marry me for my money, but wouldn't put out until I could get it up and stay hard as a rock for at least an hour. Who's laughing now?")

Re:bleh. (0, Offtopic)

_ph1ux_ (216706) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115417)

wow we have 600K registered users now. and I thought 512K was enough for everybody.

Linux boxes compromised (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115318)

Linux boxes compromised
by THE_MESSENGER [] , Troll Staff Writer

HELSINKI - It has just been learned that any Linux box with an unset "root" password in vulnerable to remote compromise, says Dick Johnson, Linux hacker and security analyst. "The attack is very simple," John reports. "Pretty much all you have to do is log in. Then you have complete control of the system." This security problem is believed to be caused by a fundamental flaw in the design of the UNIX family of operating systems, which is the model for the Linux kernel, a popular Cheap Software product. Johnson elaborates: "Those UNIX guys just didn't account for administrators who are too stupid to set root passwords."

However, knowledge of this flaw fairly widespread within the Linux community. In fact, the only person known to be unaware of a password-less root account's grave implications is Timothy Gaybone, an "editor" for the popular Cheap Software news website "" While Timothy is a hardcore Windows 98 user, the recent posting of an article detailing a similar security problem relating to Microsoft's SQL Server 2000 relational database product leads many analysts to believe that he is unaware of Linux's problem as well. DOJ crytoanalyst Harry Blotter guesses that Timothy's "reliance on Windows 98 is probably the root cause of his ignorance. After all, Windows 98 doesn't require login passwords."

There are no reports of websites compromised by this latest Linux vulnerability, although many industry experts suspect that, oddly enough, may have been breached years ago. "Rob Malda's personal workstation has probably been cracked -- his spell-checkers have been deleted," Dick Johnson explains.

Don't rule this out (2, Insightful)

hamsterboy (218246) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115323)

How many of us have friends who are wearing their grandmother's ring as their wedding band? I know a few. And how many of us keep their ancestors in urns on a shelf in their house? I know a few. This company is just taking it to the next level.

If it weren't for the outrageous prices (which are bound to come down), and the fact that I'm only 23, I'd be interested myself. Look for this company to be big as the synthetic-diamond industry becomes mainstream.

-- Hamster

That's absolutely disgusting. (2)

digitalsushi (137809) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115325)

That's absolutely disgusting. Course, I've been diagnosed with a serious case of tact.

Re:That's absolutely disgusting. (2)

geekoid (135745) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115382)

What does this have to do with how you deal with others?
as a matter of fact, calling something somebody does disgusting, is a lack of tact.

perhaps you meant 'Class', or perhaps respect for the dead?

OK, one last "grandmother's diamond" joke... (1)

Rude Turnip (49495) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115326)

Hey, at the funeral, the family heroin addict will now not only be able to steal the ring off of grandma's finger and sell it, he can steal grandma altogether and sell her!

"What'll you give me for the old lady? $200...sold!"

That would be plain creepy. (1)

JojoCoco (413962) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115333)

Having a relative on a mantel is one thing, but around your neck??? I would just be too creeped out if I knew the person I was wearing, and would they really want to be degraded to a piece of jewlery ?

curses! (2)

_ph1ux_ (216706) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115343)

and if you thought some diamonds carried curses before!

First GSP (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115350)

Wow. When you see an article like this, it makes you glad to be alive in an era when such technology exists. My question is, how do think this will affect the Open Source community?

This Generic Slashdot Post was brought to you by The_Messenger []

Slaughterhouse leftovers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115352)

Does this mean we can rid the world of hot dogs and hamburgers and use slaughterhouse leftovers for diamonds instead?

Just think of all the thin, handsome people all dressed up in jewelry. And no ugly Jack-in-the-box in sight.


Better watch out (1)

ELCarlsson (570500) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115353)

Great, not only will my wife get my life insurance and all that's in the bank when I die, she'll get a diamond too. Not good.

boycott! (2)

_ph1ux_ (216706) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115361)

I thought we wernt sposed to give into the tradition. now not only do you want us to get diamonds for our fiance's to be - you want us to turn our loved ones into engagement rings!

at least these people arent using slave labor and children. just dead family members.

I for one would not wear any of these... spooky.

An Open Letter to Miguel de Icazza (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115363)

Senor Miguel de Icazza
5420 Taco Caliente Street
Los Enchiladas, Mexico 23098

Dear Miguel,

Please go back to Mexico.

Please take your shitty window manager with you, and never come north of the border again.

GNOME is a shameless Windows-ripoff, which proves how lazy you people really are. GNOME is not only nauseating, but it stinks like a sweaty Mexican, and is vaguely Satanic as well. We have much better Unix windowing interfaces already. We have CDE, a testament to All-American corporate strength and solidarity. We have KDE, created by a band of Europeans who celebrate their Aryan pride by killing Jewish babies. We have several NeXTstep clones. We have FVWM, which is pretty lame, but is still better than GNOME. GNOME is poo. It is as much poo as Red Hat, and Red Hat is some real poo. GNOME is a slow, ugly, poorly-programmed Mexican RAM-hog. And poo.

I know that you designed GNOME with the intention of using it to subvert American intelligence and innovation. I have decyphered the clever Mexian encryption used in GNOME's name to discover its true meaning: Go North Of MExico. Yes, you sent GNOME to the rich north in order to weaken the free Unix movement, and you have succeeded. But now that your plot is discovered, you will skulk back to your filthy third-world country in shame. Ha ha!

So please go back to your magical burrito country and have a tequila and pass out drunk underneath a mule. A farting mule. A farting mule, who despite his farts which stink like month-dead roadkill, is not as offensive as your terrible window manager. Go back to Mexico, and receive training in a more traditional Mexican occupation, such as "hotel clean-up lady" or "criminal". Dance the wicked flamenco and then have a siesta!

Thank you. Or, as you would say, gracias!

Hasta la vista,
The_Messenger []

"I see dead people" (1)

Xeriar (456730) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115365)

"I wear dead people" ... Not sure if this is a threat, or what...

Huh ? (1)

SteveAstro (209000) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115367)

Where is all the carbon coming from ? I thought the remaining ash had no carbon left, you've been BURNT remember, the carbon has combined with oxygen and F%^&ed off up the chimney....


More fucking diamond stories. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115370)

Hey, let's change the name of this webpage to Diamonddot, or Slashdiamond. And with the tag line "diamond stories for nerds. stuff that diamonds." Jesus, enough fucking diamond stories.

how to protect against fraud? (5, Insightful)

tstoneman (589372) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115373)

At $22,000 per carat, you could just go out and buy a 1 ct diamond for $7000 and say it's your dearly departed, and make an instant $15,000. Since you can't do DNA analysis to determine if the diamond is actually the person, what's to stop them from just doing that???

yes! (1)

dotslashdotdot (514391) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115375)

I want to be a diamond when I grow up.

imagine the memo (0, Offtopic)

negativethirsty (555244) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115379)

the first time this was ever talked about?

walk into your boss' office...."now this is gunna sound a lil weird"

Selling Macs to the innocent children of Maine? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115385)

That's a dirty trick, selling your cheap Apple toys to young kids who don't know any better. Let me guess: you even convinced them that iBooks were computers, right? Those poor, damned youngsters. I don't want to see the looks on their sweet young faces when they go out into the Real World and discover that employers expect people to know how to use Windows.

Why, it ought to be a crime to give Macs to impressionable kids. It's like giving them heroin... both heroin and Macs are overpriced trash used by the dregs of society, degenerates who mask their inadequacies under the guise of artistic personality. Why, I'll show you where heroin and an artistic personality will get you: dead. Just look at Kurt Cobain. Oops, you probably shouldn't have looked at that, he isn't too pretty without a head.

But I digress. The fact is that giving Macintoshes to kids is just wrong. You'll set their technological development back by fuckin' years. I mean, come on... it's a Mac, for Jobs sake. What are these fuckin' jackbooted government thugs trying to do to our children, buying them Macs? I'll tell you what they want. They want these kids in on the Cult. You know, the Crapintrash True Believers. Those loonies refuse to use real computers, all blabberin' on about the sanctity of Jobs' user interface -- but they can't seem to find jobs, get it? They're all useless bums and criminals. I don't know why we taxpayers should fund the next generation of dirty Mac users, suckin' welfare off the government teat while moaning about FireWire and AltiVec. I mean, come on.

I don't have anything against givin' kids toys, and a Mac is a fine toy for a little girl, or a boy whom you suspect of being queer. But tellin' these kids that these toys are computers? Why, that's an abomination! I suppose next you'll be tellin' them that Power Wheels are just the same as real automobiles, and we'll have kids gettin' run over on the highway! Tell me, people, do you want your children being run over on the highway of life?

A Mac is a fine toy, see, but I recommend buying your young ones GameCubes instead. Both Macs and GameCubes are multicolored plastic toys designed for the underdeveloped mind, but at least a GameCube doesn't have all the fuckin' stigma of a Mac. You want your kids being part of the weak leftist politicians, subversive wannabe artists, and child molesters that make up the Apple community? Fine. But don't spend my tax dollars doing it, you fucking communists.

I don't expect much sympathy from you Linux folks. You're just as much wannabe-commies and hypocritical Windows-bashers as the Mac crowd, but you can't even afford decent hardware. I intend to prove that each and every one of you is a terrorist, like Anand lal Shimpi. What with all the talk of stealing copyrighted material, violating contractual license agreements, and the like on this sorry excuse for a weblog, I wouldn't be surprised if Osama bin Laden himself is holed up at the Geek Compound. Probably taking advantage [] of Malda's loose asshole and installing PGP from the Red Hat Power Tools CD, so that he can further injure the American republic. You're going down, Slashdot!

-- The_Messenger []

Looking out over my backyard (1)

kensai (139597) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115390)

I'm freakin' rich!!!!

This puts a whole new light (1)

JeanPaulBob (585149) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115393)

This puts a whole new light on waiting to get the ring from Mother.

I am a penis eating faggot! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115399)

When I was a young boy, I awoke every morning to the delicious smell of penis. My father and his boyfriend's vegetarian health store contained within it a hot griddle perfect for making penis, anus, and a multitude of other stinky snacks. I remember them well -- The pleasant, care-free days of my childhood in the dojo were often spent peering into the kitchen with eager anticipation as my father prepared penis my family.

As I grew older, and began my journey to homosexual enlightenment, the memories of my penis-eating youth filled my heart and dreams with warm, fluffy goodness....Ahhh, yes..the sweet, sweet memories... The day I ate 10 penises... The day I placed a warm penis between my fleshy loins and performed the forbidden dance... The day pressed a penis to my buttocks and encouraged my dog to come eat.. Indeed, much of my childhood was spent in pure innocence -- An innocence only penis can provide. It was heaven. A heaven, filled with penis, where I sat at the throne of God, with my hand-maidens Rob Malda and Jeff Bates [] seated beside me. An indestructible triumvirate made of flesh, blood, semen, and love.

By the age of 15, the path of my life became unclear and confusing. Torn between my duty my health club and my love for penis, I foolishly left home in search of karaguchi ah-nowakadesu..The ultimate penis. My journey took me to the many streets of LA, many days away from the health club. My hunger for penis became my teacher, and foolishly I let it control the path that I fucked upon. My mouth, sore from sucking, ached as my heart and stomach did, until I came to a realization. My duty was clear. I needed to take a stand and accept my love for the art of vegetarian cuisine AND my love for penis. It was not wrong for me to love both. I love one as a dear friend, and one as a lover. Yes--My mission was clear--I must become a faggot, a secret pervert hired by Sarcasta BUT I MUST ALSO ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL penis.

My adoration for genetalia has placed me within an awkward position. Many faggots refuse to recognize me as their brother. I defend my father's land, but I am looked upon as weak and undisciplined. I tell them, "But, brothers! Listen to my plea! The penises do not weaken me, nor do they make me disobey the rule of my vegeables. They fill me with love." But alas, they do not understand...For the mind of a faggot is complex.

My only earthly desire is to be accepted for who I am. Yes, I am a FAGGOT--But I also enjoy penis. Will you accept me? If you were approached by a faggot who requested a penis, would you submit to his will?

- A Penis-Eatin' Faggot []

Call (5, Funny)

Treeluvinhippy (545814) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115402)

We have a new meaning for the term "Family Jewels".

Re:Call (2, Funny)

_ph1ux_ (216706) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115440)

GAH!!! CALL THE COPS!! Someone has gone and stoled PA!!!

How awesome is that (1)

snakecoder (235259) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115406)

In a couple hundred years to see your great great great grandmother as a diamond along with a little blurb about her. You can actually touch your past. You're entire family tree could be locked away in a jewlery box.

Everyone is thinking in terms of jewelry. (3, Insightful)

immanis (557955) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115411)

Maybe it only happens in the movies, but I can't imagine the horror of spilling someone's ashes. This seems to me to be a very clean way to avoid that potential problem.

I would imagine that most people would put them in extremely nice display cases, rather than having them put into rings and pendants.

A nice thought, but it would instantly make your house a target for theft. I predict the rebirth of the cat burglar.

And on a only loosely related note, how much would this service cost for a pet?

Hollywood will never be the same... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115412)

This gives new meaning to the phrase "Who are you wearing?"

Carbon (1)

rigelstar (243170) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115413)

Hell, you could use bananas if you wanted to. Anything with made of carbon can be used for that matter. All you need is high temperature and very high pressure. Well if you could harness the heat of the sun then that would do but here on earth we need to use lots of pressure to create diamond.

Excuse me, sir, do you have any UrinalPoop[tm]? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115419)

Do you have photographic images of solid fecal matter resting serenely on top of a minty-fresh cake in a men's public restroom urinal? Help a brother out! []

KKK []

Haiku! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115420)

His ass leaks semen,
Proving the obvious fact:
Timothy is gay.

yes (1)

mnmn (145599) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115422)

A diamond is a girl's best friend.


That diamond was the girls best friend.

You could even argue with vampire wannabes:
But a diamond is forever!

Or you could convert a "hard on" to the hardest substance known. I wonder if the nerves will be preserved.

So having a fat mother can be beneficial now.

Arent graveyard keepers running on the streets celebrating now?

What did the lady say to the diamond as she was wearing it? "up yours"

disgusting (-1, Troll)

rodan88 (601956) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115425)

This shows just how ridiculous the current left-wing world has become. Total disregard for human life and the human body. The human body was created as a temple for the soul, created in the image of God. Now it is reduced to this.

A new law for the books (1)

rockwood (141675) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115430)

With all the recent misuse to laws, or better stated "the loop holes". I am sure that this will also open an entire new onslaught of people using this to fill pathetic suits.

After the body has been made into a diamond what happens when
You are mugged? ... Is this kidnapping?
What if you leave your diamond lying on the bathroom floor?? .. Is this inappropriate treatment of a corpse?
What if you are wearing a diamond ring and engage in vaginal foreplay while wearing it?? .. Could you be arrested and charged as a necrophiliac(sp)?

On the flip side.. this gives man a whole new meaning to "Protecting the family jewels" :)

What am I? (1)

littleRedFriend (456491) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115431)

Each day that passes, millions of cells die and millions of new cells are formed within my body; my cellular arrangement is not the same it was yesterday. They synthesize and degrade proteins, absorb and expel molecules, etc. The molecular/atomic composition of my body changes continually. Like a river never has the same water, the body and the brain are not static, they are constantly changing.

IOW, the carbon atoms in the diamond, have probably only been incorporated into the body of the diseased person, the last one or two - often miserable - months of his/her life. Do you really want to remember that?

C'mon this is ridiculous. You'd rather remember someone's face, good times, memories. Not the material the person happened to made of. You might as well turn yesterdays garbage into a diamond.

finally, financial independence. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#4115434)

I knew there was a reason i was collecting all those dead squirrels.

Most of you are forgetting... (2, Interesting)

ungulation (566406) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115435)

It will take money (most likely large quantities of it) to turn that person into a diamond. Therefore, you wouldn't be able to become extremely rich by, say, digging up graves and turning the bodies into jewlery.

This fucken rules. (4, Interesting)

Tom7 (102298) | more than 12 years ago | (#4115437)

This is great. Do you think if I collect enough of my body tissue and hair and stuff that I can get one of these made while I'm alive?
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