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Tivo 2 Features On the Horizon

CowboyNeal posted more than 11 years ago | from the boop-beep-ding dept.

Television 310

Lemuel writes "Tivo has finally pre-announced its music and photo pictures for the Tivo 2. Users will be able to play MP3s and view photos that come from their computer. It will also be possible to program the Tivo via a web site. An official announcement is due in January. There will be revenue associated with these items. Only the remote programming sounds interesting to me, but I'm glad for anything that would keep Tivo afloat."

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310 comments

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Unfortunately (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878025)

Due to pressure from the MPAA, they're dropping the program recording capability.

Re:Unfortunately (1)

VoidEngineer (633446) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878187)

Due to pressure from the Cisco, they're also dropping the network routing capability.

Re:Unfortunately (4, Funny)

boopus (100890) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878332)

You know, as much as you didn't mean to, you bring up a good point. A series 2 tivo has USB network support, so for the price of an extra usb nic, it could easily double as a home router. Now that's what I'd call feature creep.

fp (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878027)

Enslave all niggers.

-klerck

*sigh* (0, Troll)

rhodesbe (614799) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878045)

you are pathetic, and the funny thing is that someday you will die.

Re:fp (-1)

News For Turds (580751) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878066)

1) You did not get the FP. As our friend would say, "YOU FAIL IT!"

2) You love to be ass raped by the niagras.

3) You probably live in Alabama

4) Fo shizzle my nizzle

klerck is da bomb! (-1)

News For Turds (580751) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878087)

Leave klerck alone! He is da bomb!

Hmmm. Why am I arguing with myself over this?

IN SOVIET RUSSIA (-1, Troll)

barspin (585641) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878031)

First First Post owns YOU!

whooo ha (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878033)

First POST!

Glory Hole Etiquette (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878034)

1. IS THERE SUCH A THING AS GLORY HOLE ETIQUETTE?

Well, there seems to be. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any websites or literature to research it, although a woman in Kentucky with a similar interest told us there is a site, but she never got back with us to let us know where it is. Gay websites we looked at didn't seem to address it unless we just didn't know how to navigate around one properly and adult bookstores don't seem to acknowledge their existence. All that leaves us with is personal experience, all of which comes from West Virginia.

Rest assured though, based upon some threads on the boards, there are other states that have them. They apparently also exist in public restrooms, but we've never seen any and don't know anything personally about them, only what we've heard. This piece is confined only to glory holes found in adult bookstores.

2. WHAT EXACTLY IS A GLORY HOLE?

For the uninitiated, a glory hole is simply a hole in a wall separating two adjoining video booths. Glory holes can vary in size, but all serve the same basic purpose, ie. to allow a man to slip his penis through the hole from his side to the other booth.

Some are small, round holes just large enough to accommodate a penis and nothing more. In some bookstores, they can be larger, rectangular or square cut-outs big enough for a person to place his or her head through if so inclined. Why so large? While the glory hole is large enough to allow two people to engage in oral sex or masturbation, one person at a time, the larger ones allow easier access not only for the same purpose, but can also allow for anal intercourse, or vaginal intercourse if you happen to be female, or on the outside chance you meet a woman there. Not that you have to do any of this. We have to believe that while the larger holes when used for oral sex gives one person better access to the instrument of destruction, and surrounding parts poking through, they would also add to the exhibitionist and/or voyeuristic nature of the experience for both parties.

3. WHAT ABOUT THE BOOTHS?

A typical video booth is small. Generally, each comes with a small wooden seat for one person or a wooden bench that can seat two people somewhat comfortably. The smaller glory hole is slightly lower than waist level for the typical man so if you're extremely short or tall, good luck being comfortable using one. The larger holes center just below the waist area, but because of their size, height isn't really a factor.

In some bookstores, rather than a completely wooden barrier separating the two booths, a glass partition, starting about chest high and opaque in color extends above the wooden wall to the ceiling. By pressing a button on your side of the wall, you are sending a signal to the person in the adjoining booth you want to be able to see him, or in rare cases, her. If the other person is agreeable, he or she can push their own button and magically the glass clears to give each person an unobstructed view of the other.

4. HOW CLEAN ARE THE BOOTHS?

This can vary from bookstore to bookstore. When it comes to gritty, a place in Wheeling comes to mind. The movie screens in the booths are cum-splattered, the floors sticky or wet, and wadded up wet paper towels or tissue litter the floor. It's kind of weird because a mop and bucket are visible in a corner, but it doesn't look like anyone has learned how to operate these hi-tech tools at this place.

On the other hand, some are very clean. It appears to depend on the management. One place south of Parkersburg, under new management, seems almost fanatical about cleanliness. An employee seems to be constantly around with a mop, bucket and bottle of glass cleaner. Under the prior management, that was't the case.

Some places do provide a roll of paper towels which you can tear off and take in a booth with you. We suppose you should do your part and use them to clean up any mess you might make, but leave the Windex at home unless you don't want to watch a blurred porn flick. If you were interested in movies only, you probably wouldn't be in a booth with a glory hole anyway.

Also, there's nothing to prohibit you from taking your own stuff. If you think you're going to be on your knees, take a small towel or any other cleansing items, like maybe hand-wipes. It's probably just a matter of preference. The male half of this tandem doesn't worry so much about dirt and grime while the female half does.

5. WHAT DOES IT COST?

Not all that much really. All you're paying for is the movie you choose. Still, while the cost is nominal, 25 cents to get the movie of your choice started, there is a kicker to this. You are paying to have a movie on in increments. In some places, you can get 100 seconds for a quarter and watch the timer countdown every 10 seconds, ie. 100, 90, 80, etc. down to zero. In other places, you get a digital numeral that counts down the same way, eg. 5,4,3,2,1 and finally zero. When the time runs out, the movies goes off until another quarter is dropped in the slot.

Does it matter? It can. When you get 100 seconds for a quarter it comes to $9.00 per hour if we did the math right. The point is, you know exactly what you are getting. The problem with the digital counter is you get a certain number of seconds for each count, but those don't seem to be as long. Unless you take a stopwatch, it's difficult to know what you're getting for your quarter, but it seems to be about half the time as the timed segments.

Some bookstores require that you buy tokens at 25 cents a piece, usually five dollars worth. Don't be concerned if you run out though. We haven't found a single coin mechanism that doesn't take quarters after you run out of tokens.

Does anybody really care if you have a movie running? You bet! If you go, arm yourself with a generous supply of quarters. Once inside the booth, when you drop your first quarter in the slot, a small light comes on outside of your booth.

This does two things. First, it lets other patrons know the booth is occupied so someone can go to the opposite booth adjoining it to check you out. Of course, to those without a discerning eye that can't tell the door is closed and locked, it means someone may start pulling on the door trying to get in.

Second, what it also does, is let some employee, that does have a discerning eye, know the booth is occupied but the movie isn't playing. Does he care? Yep, that's his job. You may just hear from outside, "Start dropping some quarters!" Or worse, pounding on the door telling you to "drop quarters" to "Open the door!" Worse yet, a stern command to "Open the door!" accompanied by hard knocking.

Embarrassing? Maybe, maybe not. Just pay attention to the timer, have enough quarters and keep the movies going. Movies-that's plural. You'll have a selection, depending on where you go, of 10-16 movies in almost every category imaginable. Gay male, lesbian, BDSM, interracial, strictly oral or group sex. You name the theme, they'll probably have it available. Check the wall when you first walk in. With the exception of one place, the movie selection is there for you to review along with the corresponding number so you can turn to that channel in your booth to watch the Academy Award winning movie of your choice.

6. WHERE DO YOU FIND GLORY HOLES?

Well, by asking other people or just checking out adult bookstores. In West Virginia, it seems every adult bookstore has them. One thing you can count on, the stores certainly don't advertise them. You won't see ads in the newspapers, Yellow Pages or on billboards saying, "Come Check Out Our Glory Holes." The fact is, it's as though they don't even exist.

With one exception, we haven't been to a place that doesn't have two signs up. One always warns against loitering which means get in a booth and start shoving quarters in. This doesn't seem to be enforced all that much and as long as you're walking slowly around in circles, that seems to be good enough. The second sign you'll see forbids sexual contact of any kind, or solicitation; that it will not be tolerated and subject you to being asked to leave the premises or to prosecution.

A legal thing no doubt. After all, it seems almost nonsensical to have such a sign outside a line of booths that have a little hole to the next booth, unless we have this all wrong and they are really for passing cigarettes, mints and popcorn between fellow movie goers.

7. WHAT KINDS OF PEOPLE FREQUENT THESE PLACES?

The simple answer if you go is people like you! If you're first thought is only gay men hang around these places, that would be wrong. Sure, gay men will be there, but so will the bisexual and bi-curious. And, don't kid yourself, some, maybe quite a few, are certainly straight. The fact is, you'll run into all types of people. Some will be blue collar and other will appear to be businessmen. Some will be muscular, some obese and some are in between. There will be those that appear dirty and dressed kind of ratty and others that look very clean and seem overdressed. It may not always mean anything, but some men will have a wedding ring on.

Why would a straight guy go? A couple reasons probably. If you are going to be on the receiving end of oral sex from an anonymous stranger by sticking your penis through a little hole, are you really going to know if those are male or female lips on the other side. In a way, not really, although that probably denies reality. If all you see are men milling around, chances are those lips are attached just outside the oral cavity of a man. Ah, but the fantasy is still there and it plays a role. That warm little mouth could belong to your favorite actress or model if that's what you choose.

On the other hand, we have seen females hanging around. Generally, they'll be there as the other half of a male/female couple or, in some cases, with one or more other women. We recall at one place a woman, with a man, came in. She was dressed like a hooker, but wasn't. The assumption was the guy with her was her husband or significant other. Whatever he was, he was there to watch her engage in sex with other men. They chose a booth and went inside but left the door open. Before long there was a line of men waiting to take part in an oral gang bang that later turned into sexual intercourse for some of them at the suggestion of the man she was with.

Three things about this. First, it had the makings of a loving wives story on this site. Second, the management didn't seem to care, yet had to be aware because of the layout of the store. Finally, not all men frequenting glory holes are gay. In fact, the booths seemed to empty out while she was there. It certainly wasn't a gay man's paradise that day.

As an aside on the gay vs. straight or somewhere in-between issue, the male half here, getting a can of pop one time, was asked by a man if there were couples in the back and, the female half, sliding her long, slender and very obvious feminine finger through a glory hole doesn't seem to have a problem getting a response from men.

Still, if you're a single guy looking to find a gal-pal, you'd probably have a better chance at a church social. These are not places where you'll find your future wife nor are they places where you'll probably build lasting relationships.

Of course, you could run into someone you know. We wouldn't worry about it too much. They have just as much explaining to do as you do, especially if there doing research. Depending on your age, we can only imagine one thing worse; hearing a voice from the other side saying, "Hi, Dad!"(or Mom, whichever sounds worse to you)

8. CONDOMS?

Those damn little hunks of rubber that take away from the pleasurable experience of sex; should you use them? That's a personal decision obviously, but let's get real here. They may not be much fun, but they could save your life!

Sure, the stories written regarding glory holes never mention them, but in a story, it wouldn't be very erotic. It's like a porn movie. You want to see that hot cum squirting all over her face instead of it blowing up the end of a rubber! But, this isn't a movie or a story. This real life. Common sense should prevail.

It may also depend on what you decide to do. If you're going to masturbate someone, maybe you don't care as much. We recall one man, of several, that turned and placed his buttocks against the glory hole. It was clear what he wanted and the point was made even more clear because sticking in the crack of his butt was a packaged condom. Of course, do want to reach in there and pull it out?

While it's your choice, if you choose to use them, carry them with you. If you offer to it someone and they refuse it, so be it. They'll probably leave the booth and someone else will eventually come in. Still, through observation and talking to people, it seems the majority of people do not practice safe glory hole sex. Probably a mistake but we don't see it as our job to judge. We're not your parents and we're not your sex education teachers.

9. OKAY, SO YOU WANT TO GET OFF, OR GET SOMEONE ELSE OFF!

So, you've made the decision to do it, or do something. Go into the booth, put a few quarters in the slot and find a movie you might enjoy while you're waiting. If you want to be the one that gets off, unzip your pants, pull that baby out, and start stroking. Hey, that's what the movie is for and this is not a time to be shy. When the adjoining booth lights up from a movie starting, just wait. If you hear quite a few quarters dropping in the next booth, that's a good sign someone is at least interested.

If you want the other person to know you want to get off, it doesn't hurt to stand and face the hole. This will let the person know exactly what you want. While talking to the other person is fine, most everything is done by hand signals. If he wants you to stick that sucker through the hole, he'll place his finger on the hole, maybe circle it, and then withdraw it. That's your signal to put your penis through the hole. It doesn't mean however that oral sex will follow. It may be he is only willing to masturbate you.

Do you have to ejaculate? No, you can withdraw at anytime and wait for another person, or sometimes just take turns with the first person. The fact is, the other person may have no interest in oral or manual sex in any event. He may just want to watch or he may want you to watch him. In that event, don't expect a finger to come through the hole.

If, on the other hand, you want to get him off, just reverse the process. If he's interested when he sees that big old digit of yours, you'll know soon enough. What you do from there is up to you, but like you, he may not let you finish the job you've started. Don't be offended. It's not uncommon for a person to want to try several different people before going for the big one.

Like we said, people do talk to each other, but not often. You may be asked if it's okay to come in your mouth. You may be invited to join the other person or he may want to join you in your booth or, he may ask if you want to go his car or his place.

On the first one, we've done that, but that was finishing act of something that began outside in a vehicle and was prearranged. We wouldn't worry too much about accepting an invitation to join though. We haven't really run into anybody rude or crude and there is a certain safety factor in the building. The last thing management wants is a problem.

And, while we're at it, don't worry about running into Hannibal Lecter looking for a tube steak sandwich! We're not aware of anyone ever losing their precious member to a muncher. We're not saying saying it couldn't happen, just that we're not aware of any problems like that. The rudest thing we've ever witnessed, which happens often and may not be all that rude, is the guy that pokes his penis through the glory hole uninvited. You still have the safety of the wall between you and can choose to ignore or not ignore him.

Being invited outside, to a vehicle or a home, by a Jeffrey Dahmer wannabe, is quite another thing. Do it if you want, but we wouldn't. You're in a place believed to be frequented by gays and there is such a thing as gay bashing. You may not be gay, but try explaining that while you're munching on a warm creamstick for the first time in your life just to see what it's like.

10. WHY GO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

There's no emotional bond with the other person. In many places, you don't even see the other person's face. It's completely anonymous and in a sense, all very mechanical. We have our own reasons for going and we suspect everybody else does too. Maybe you just want to watch or be watched. We've done both. Maybe you want to be a little more active or just want to try something new.

Who knows! The fact is, it can be fun and entertaining. That's what it's really all about. Like we said, it's doubtful you're going to make any long lasting relationships in an adult bookstore. Although, we did one time meet someone that later lead to another meeting, but we would have to say that's extremely rare. Figure out why you want to go. For us, it isn't necessarily for sexual reasons, at least not always with other people. Since you don't have to do anything, go and enjoy-we have!

So, there you have it. Probably not the most exhaustive piece that could be written on the subject, but enough to get anybody started if they make decision to give it a try.

Advice (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878042)

Tivo sucks, almost as much as the computers you fatass losers sit in front of. Go out, exercise and get a life!

hmmm (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878043)

hmmm

Revenue? (2, Funny)

jesser (77961) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878044)

There will be revenue associated with these items.

You mean fees?

tenth post (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878048)

strom Thurmond should of won in 1948

Re:tenth post (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878317)

Sew eff too wirds sownd thu saem ewe kan intarchange thim? Eye dedn't no thet.

Meanwhile (2, Flamebait)

sheepab (461960) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878054)

I have the freedom of recording whatever I want on my pc with my video capture card, without paying a fee, and without my viewing habits being tracked. I wonder what kind of nasty stuff they have cooked up in this Tivo 2 of theirs....

Tracking viewing habits (5, Interesting)

Trane Francks (10459) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878074)

and without my viewing habits being tracked
This is something that I've been puzzling over. Since we have cable-modem technology, what's to stop a cable tuner from calling home and reporting to the cable operator what channel you're viewing at any given moment? I'm not saying that this is actually being done, but I can think of no reason why such a thing couldn't be implemented. And if I were a cable operator, this would certainly be the sort of information that I'd be very, very interested in seeing.

Re:Tracking viewing habits (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878161)

This is something that I've been puzzling over. Since we have cable-modem technology, what's to stop a cable tuner from calling home and reporting to the cable operator what channel you're viewing at any given moment? I'm not saying that this is actually being done [snip]

From what I hear, this is already being done with digital cable - when you phone the cable company for tech support, the support person can see what channel your cable box is tuned to, and can even change the channel.

I have no idea if they store this information or use it for profiling (be sure to read your contracts, terms of service, privacy policy, etc. - if they don't mention this at all, nothing prevents them from doing it), but it's one of the reasons I don't have digital cable.

Re:Meanwhile (5, Insightful)

wdr1 (31310) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878079)

I thought about going that route. However, there's a few things missing:

1) I don't want to watch TV on my monitor. My TV is nicer. My TV is in front of the couch. My TV has a better picture. My TV has sound through my stero.

2) Season Passes. To be honest, I don't know when half of what I watch is one. I just look at at my Tivo list & watch one of them.

3) Searching by category. Everyone so often, I like to go look at say, all the movies, coming up & Tivo the ones I've wanted to see.

4) The interface. Any way you cut it, Tivo did a great job here.

Viva La Tivolution!
-Bill

Soo... you're lazy? (0, Troll)

autopr0n (534291) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878248)

1) I don't want to watch TV on my monitor. My TV is nicer. My TV is in front of the couch. My TV has a better picture. My TV has sound through my stero.

It's not exactly hard to have your computer sound pumped through a sterio. Certanly not any harder then playing TV sound through a sterio.

It's also not very hard to have the computer pump video to a TV as well.

Re:Soo... you're lazy? (1)

wdr1 (31310) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878304)

Yes, I'm VERY lazy when watching TV. That's the point! ;-)

-Bill

oi vey! (1)

ebbv (34786) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878346)


i have a 22" monitor on my computer, but i still don't want to watch tv with it. my computer is in my bedroom. the tv is in the living room.

also the tv is a 56" projection.

(ps it's also not hard to spell 'stereo'.)

Re:Meanwhile (5, Insightful)

Keeper (56691) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878147)

TiVo is very open about what kind of data they collect (data which is not linked to specific users), and provide an easy way to opt out of that collection process.

The fact that you can record video on a pc means nothing to me -- a Tivo is nothing but a really low end computer running linux -- but you don't get a Tivo just to record tv. Saying "my computer with a video capture card does the same thing" is like saying that "my ford escort is just as good for a 2000 mile treck across the country as luxury sedan". They both get the job done. One is just a hell of a lot nicer than the other.

Re:Meanwhile (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878318)

Saying "my computer with a video capture card does the same thing" is like saying that "my ford escort is just as good for a 2000 mile treck across the country as luxury sedan". They both get the job done. One is just a hell of a lot nicer than the other.

Welcome to Slashdot. We use linux here. Nobody cares about "niceness", or "ease-of-use", or "simplicity", or any of that shit here. In fact, we hate it. Well, except for those Mac loonies over in apple.slashdot.org, but they use Macs, so their opinion doesn't count anyways.

</sarcasm>

Tracking what you watch. (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878163)

I WANT them to track my viewing habits. It's like voting for your favorite show. And if they want TiVo to record show that follow my habits, more power to them. Anything to reduce the "Friends" ratio can't be bad.

And for watching TV on my PC, I think I'd much rather sit in my Lazy Boy, with my feet up, looking at a 35" screen and not having the sound drowned out by CPU fans.

Re:Meanwhile (5, Interesting)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878201)

I have the freedom of recording whatever I want on my pc with my video capture card

Yes, you do. On the contrary, I have the freedom to enjoy using my extremely user-friendly, feature-filled TiVo. Of giving programs thumbs-up and having it record similar programs. Of easily setting up Season Passes for all my favorite shows. For setting up wishlists based on favorite actors, directors, and keywords, and having any matching programs automatically record. And this all comes in a nice-looking black box that blends in with the rest of my home stereo equipment.

without paying a fee

I don't "pay a fee." That implies I'm getting nothing in return. I buy a service. I could also fork out $250 and get that service for the lifetime of my TiVo. If you had a TiVo, you wouldn't be complaining about $15 a month. I'd pay 2-3x that for what TiVo does.

without my viewing habits being tracked

This is the worst mud you can come up with to sling at TiVo?

Yes, horrors, TiVo aggregately tracks your viewing habits. I like this. I would prefer future content be tailored to what I like to watch. I like the idea that maybe my viewing preference information will make its way back to the bigwigs... maybe more West Wings, and Sopranos, and Six Feet Unders, and Andy Richters will show up on TV then!

I wonder what kind of nasty stuff they have cooked up in this Tivo 2 of theirs....

Sigh... You're the stereotypical slashdotter. I bet you get all hot and bothered with every "Your Rights Online" post they make here, don't you?

I am willing to trade a little meaningless privacy for a lot of added value.

Yes, that's right, it is MEANINGLESS to me if "they" know what I watch on TV! If I want to watch something deviant, I'll buy it on DVD like the rest of the world.

Huh? (0, Flamebait)

autopr0n (534291) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878268)

I don't "pay a fee." That implies I'm getting nothing in return.

What? What language are you speaking?

Re:Meanwhile (0, Flamebait)

captaincucumber (450913) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878321)

Why are Tivo Zealots so, well, zealous?

There are several problems with the Tivo, and please don't do your goofy things where you put these points in italics and spout goofy zealotry.

1) Monthly fee. You may be willing to pay it, but I'm not. I know it's not much money, I don't care. I don't care about downloading programming, etc, etc, all that stuff is available free on the web, I won't pay for it.

2) (and this is a minor point) Can't do a lot of cool stuff that it should be able to. The new Tivo's will come with a NIC, right? I should be able to connect to the Tivo and download mpegs. I should be able to send shows to friends, download them to my laptop, burn them to VCD, etc. Obviously I realize why Tivo will never include this functionality.

Re:Meanwhile (4, Informative)

boopus (100890) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878370)

You won't understand the zealots untill you've joined them.

1) The monthly fee is a financed $250 payment. Anyone with basic math knowledge will pay the lifetime fee and be done with it. (a used replay or tivo with lifetime subscription sells for about $250 more than one without). A tivo or replay costs $500 new, give or take 50.

2) PVRs do what they're supposed to do. A PC which costs more than a tivo can do the same thing as a tivo, and do a worse job. With a PVR, you're watching extreemly flexible TV. With a PC, you're using your computer to watch TV. Oh, and a new ReplayTV will do everything you mentioned and they're fighting for your right to do it in court.

Re:Meanwhile (5, Insightful)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878385)

Why are Tivo Zealots so, well, zealous?

I could turn your question around on you. Why are computer-centric *nix zealots so against a user-friendly device that doesn't run on their computer?

Or I could answer your question directly and say, because non-TiVo users spout ignorant bullshit and get modded up by equally ignorant moderators?

Monthly fee. You may be willing to pay it, but I'm not.

Fine. Don't pay it. End of story. I couldn't care less if you aren't willing to pay it. Good for you.

However, if you want to post on slashdot and pretend that your no-monthly-charge, put-together PVR with the web-downloaded TV guide hack is as elegant as my $13 a month TiVo, please expect a strong rebuttal.

I don't care about downloading programming, etc, etc, all that stuff is available free on the web, I won't pay for it.

This is what drives me up the wall. I don't pay $13 a month merely for programming content. I pay $13 a month because TiVo, the company, takes care of making sure the content is accurate, the format is compatible with my PVR, the guide is updated if channel lineup changes occur, the PVR automatically uses the data to update recording times, the PVR handles my season passes automatically, etc.

Can't do a lot of cool stuff that it should be able to.

You're right, I'd love a TiVo BJ, but that hasn't made it in there yet.

The new Tivo's will come with a NIC, right?

No, they have a USB port where a USB/ethernet device can be plugged in, such as those found on 9thtee.com.

I should be able to connect to the Tivo and download mpegs.

You can. You've been able to for years. It's not officially supported (yet), but this is one of the reasons the TiVo Series 2 has USB ports -- so TiVo can make addons that support new feature ideas, without risking the entire device to lawsuits that may require them to stop production on certain products.

I should be able to send shows to friends, download them to my laptop, burn them to VCD, etc.

You can easily save shows out the S-Video port, to anything that can handle S-Video, such as a VCR, DVD recorder, etc. You can use the unofficial software I talked about above to pull video off the TiVo. Honestly I've never felt the need to do either one. However, there is nothing stopping TiVo from coming up with addons to add these features. I am sure this is why they added USB ports and are now talking about networkable features that are in the works.

Obviously I realize why Tivo will never include this functionality.

You do?

Re:Meanwhile (2)

demaria (122790) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878353)

Repeat: The Tivo is not just a VCR. The Tivo is not just a VCR. The Mac is not a typewriter. The Tivo is not just a VCR.

But can you... (5, Interesting)

swg101 (571879) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878055)

move files onto the computer for archiving/storage? The article talks about playing mp3's/video from the computer as well as "home networking", but there are no real details. Any other info?

Upgrade for us? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878059)

Any upgrade for us early adopters?

ummmmmmm (-1, Troll)

W32.Klez.H (609377) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878063)

fuck tivo.

The Art of Cunniligus (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878064)

Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of him too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made.
aimage14.jpg (136243 bytes) Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs. Now stop and look at what you see.

Beautiful, isn't it?

There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy.

I know. I've seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman's unique qualities and tell her what makes her special. Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.

Now look at it again.

aimage9.jpg (151647 bytes)Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of its own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry and that hurts. But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.

Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.

Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit.

Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently.

aimage06.jpg (128859 bytes)Tongue-fuck her. This feels divine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of its covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up to the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience its presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.

Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!'

There's a reason for that - most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.

But back to your pussy eating session...There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She'll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.

Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.

aimage03.jpg (136028 bytes)She'll let you know what to do. If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. You may have one whose nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm. Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you'll be a more sensitive lover.

When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.

If you play your cards right, you'll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She'd be yours as long as you wanted her.

The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come, made her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she's come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.

Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

The G-Spot

aimage02.jpg (141242 bytes)This does exist. And in over half of the women out there, it works better than anything else you can do to cause a strong, prolonged orgasm. The original name is the Grafenberg spot, after a doctor, Earnest Grafenberg, who documented the area (which may have been known by people here and there throughout history) in the fifties.

This "spot" is a small "mound" of tissue inside the vagina, between a penny and quarter in size, which responds to being pressed upon. It's almost certainly not the skenes glands, (which are located around the urethra, which is behind the G-spot area), as has been suggested by a few people. In fact, the G-Spot is the tissue in that raised area of the vagina, which has a higher concentration of sexual nerves, and produces hormones similar to those made by the male's prostate gland.

A sort of map to the area -- Imagine your lover lying on her back, legs spread. Your position is between her legs. You would slide a finger inside her vagina, palm up. With your finger straight back, middle finger is best, you would curve it toward yourself, gently, as if you were gesturing to someone to "come here". In doing so, the area you press on should be pretty near her "G-Spot" area. If you know enough to follow the urethra (the tube that leads from the bladder to where the pee comes out), along the inside of her vagina, you may feel a slight swelling (if she's excited) at the point where the g-spot is.

She must be excited, especially if either you or she is new to the g-spot, for the g-spot to have any real effect at all. It's not the ideal area for getting your lover aroused.

But when she is excited, this area (more often than not) is the best way to bring her to orgasm. You work your way back to it gradually, teasing her (typically, this works best) with your fingers, slowly and gently. It's easier to hit the right area with two fingers, but this may not be comfortable for her, depending on how "tight" she is at that moment. When you have your fingers around the right area, try gently pressing, not too quickly. The movement should be fairly rhythmic. It's typically best if you're licking her clitoris (or near it, depending on the woman) at the same time...don't make a big deal out of the "quest", this will often make her feel self-conscious, or distracted. The licking should seem to be the primary activity.

When you find the right area, she should respond by getting more excited. Most of the vagina's inside surface isn't really that sexually sensitive, believe it or not...most of the excitement of randomly inserting fingers is more psychological than from the actual stimulation.

While more complicated techniques work with some women, some of the time, the best basic technique, upon finding the g-spot, is to continue to slowly, rhythmically press on it, while licking her clitoris (for a few women, the labia (lips) are sensitive to licking, too).

This should cause her to build up to an orgasm.

A G-Spot orgasm is different (always, when it works at all) than any other kind women have. It is possible, with some women, to have different qualities and kinds of orgasms from vaginal, clitoral, anal, and even breast stimulation...but with other women, those kinds of orgasms are all pretty much the same. But the G-Spot orgasm not only feels different; it also causes her body to react in a different way.

First, it often causes a "push out" orgasm. The area around, or "above" (farther inside, that is) your fingers seems to swell up or to contract toward the opening of her vagina.

If you find the right combination of pushing back when this happens, and slacking off to let it push out, you can cause (in perhaps half of the women) her orgasm to continue happening, long after normal ones would have subsided. In some women you can even keep her at a "plateau" (raised level) of sexual excitement, like a prolonged orgasm (or a little less than one) afterward, building up to an even bigger climax.

That brings me to another important point; G-Spot orgasms sometimes causes a huge amount (relatively speaking) of lubrication (juices, wetness)...far more than even the most excited woman gets from "conventional" stimulation.

When that extra wetness combines with the push-out orgasm, you get actual ejaculation...like a guy, but much better tasting. The built up juices can shoot out in such volume that you, or she, may be afraid that she lost control of her bladder. That is (almost always) not what happened. The fear that she peed can be enhanced by the fact that the urethra is behind the g-spot, so that in rare cases the woman can sometimes get the feeling that she needs to pee, even though she does not.

In reality, in both men and women, enough sexual excitement prevents peeing, unless you try really hard. This is a built-in reflex, because urine is something of a spermicide. The "pee hard-on" that men get in the morning is partially his body taking advantage of this reflex, to keep him from accidentally wetting the bed with the urine that built up while he was sleeping.

Taste

Anyone who likes, say, coffee or beer should have no room to complain about the way most women taste. No, I don't mean it tastes like coffee or beer, genius...I mean that beer and coffee are, at best, acquired tastes...they are not naturally pleasant to a human being, no matter how much your addiction to one or both has convinced you otherwise. Most people, whether they remember it or not, had to learn to like the taste of beer/coffee, and had the desire to be Like the Adults to help them along. Well, I'd list taking pleasure in cunnilingus above drinking addictive beverages on the list of things that prove maturity. Aside from that, there's the fact that many people who give it an honest try genuinely enjoy the taste/smell.

programming the tivo (5, Funny)

painehope (580569) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878067)

int sexualStatus ( char *sexuality ) {
if ( (strcmp(sexuality,"I'm not gay goddamnit")) == 0 ) {
recommendGayPorn();
fputs("Sorry, Dave, we think you're gay", stdout);
} else {
recommendGayPorn();
return 1;
}

Re:programming the tivo (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878143)

You're missing an end brace.

Re:programming the tivo (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878299)

int geekStatus ( char *geekiness )
recommendGayPorn() {
if ( (strcmp(geekiness,"I can't help but write useless pieces of code as an attempt at humor")) == 0 ) {
findgayporn("anything remotly gay will do");
fputs("Sorry, Dave, we still think you need a nice man", stdout);}
else {
recommendlesbianPorn();}
return 1;}

Don't buy this (3, Funny)

bastardman (631862) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878068)

Tivo is evil. It allows me to record programs on tv while I'm away from home. It controls my life when I am at home. I swear to God the thing watchs me sleep at night as well... probably records it too. Who's been watching those videos? Because it isn't me...

Back to wearing my tin foil jump suit

what's a pre-announcement? (5, Funny)

rhodesbe (614799) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878075)

We wanted to announce that we are gonna say this at a later date. Oh wait! Crap!

Re:what's a pre-announcement? (2)

sam_handelman (519767) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878106)

A "pre-announcement" is marketspeak for a deliberate leak. i.e. the Tivo people have not yet given a press release/conference on the topic (officially announcing it) but they have chosen to leak it to the press in an unofficial capacity.

Now - can anyone tell me how it is that they're still losing money with half a million *paying* customers? That's, like, serious cashflow.

Re:what's a pre-announcement? (4, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878223)

Now - can anyone tell me how it is that they're still losing money with half a million *paying* customers?

You're not even counting the fact that Tivo owns the patents for practically everything PVR-related that is patentable, and is licensing them to it's few competitors...

Unless PVRs aren't nearly as popular as it would seem, I'm not sure how a company that controls so much of it's market (either directly or through patents) can still be losing money.

Pre-announcing the pre-boarding (2)

sjbe (173966) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878162)

I've been puzzling over how you can "pre-board" an airplane. Board before you board?

Of course they use the term "de-plane-ing" (not even sure how you would spell that) to mean disembarking from the plane so who knows what they're thinking...

(And for you logic nazi's, I do get it. I just think it's stupid)

Yes another fee by tivo (1, Insightful)

ad0gg (594412) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878101)

First I gotta pay to use tivo , now they are gonna charge to view pictures and play mp3's(which are stored on MY HARDWARE), and worse they want to charge you to program your tivo via the web? And to add insult to injury, they spam my menu with ads and download ads to MY HARDWARE. Oh wait I forgot to mention their stuff is spyware and report what your watching to their servers. So how is this good?

What if I don't have a land line phone? (2, Interesting)

malarkey (514857) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878102)

It doesn't look like they've allowed for updated Tivo over broadband yet. I dropped my land line for a cell phone and broadband (had the cellphone already anyway). Tivo looks great, but is un-usable.

Re:What if I don't have a land line phone? (3, Informative)

sk3tch (165010) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878150)

For your Tivo 1: http://www.9thtee.com/turbonet.htm [9thtee.com]

And your Tivo 2 can simply use one of many compatible USB ethernet adapters (support built-in to the Tivo "OS" albeit "unofficially").

Re:What if I don't have a land line phone? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878306)

You've been able to do this since May:
http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-vb/showthr ead.ph p?s=9111a69b5205eb7229f72d01ade197b3&threadid=5876 0

Re:What if I don't have a land line phone? (5, Informative)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878350)

It doesn't look like they've allowed for updated Tivo over broadband yet. I dropped my land line for a cell phone and broadband (had the cellphone already anyway). Tivo looks great, but is un-usable.

This is like the 5th highly rated comment in this article that is just plain wrong.

If you have a standalone TiVo (series 1), you can buy cards that fit in your TiVo and give you an ethernet port. Or you can buy the AirTivo device, and have WiFi connection instead!

If you have a standalone Series 2 TiVo, you can buy a USB device that plugs into the port and gives you an ethernet port. You could also buy a wireless AP and connect it to this port to give you wireless connectivity as well.

In either case, if you bought compatible hardware, you simply punch in a special code instead of a dialup phone number into the TiVo menu, and your TiVo will use your existing LAN connection to the net to download all its data each night. No software hacking required.

The TiVo forums refer to this as "broadband un-support," because while it works great in the TiVo, it is not yet officially supported.

I've used it for well over a year now, back when you used to have to muck with the software to get it to work.

Visit 9thtee [9thtee.com] for the necessary addons.

Really? (5, Funny)

danheskett (178529) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878112)

but I'm glad for anything that would keep Tivo afloat

Okay, but that whole "miscellenous afloat charge" on your bill might be worrisome after the 3-4th time.

More TiVo hacking links (4, Informative)

shird (566377) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878115)

Andrew Tridgell's notes on hacking the TiVo [merlins.org] , including his various hacks [anu.edu.au] for the device. Also, TiVo hacking FAQ [tivofaq.com] may be of interest.

Re:More TiVo hacking links (1)

glitchvern (468940) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878373)

From the notes [merlins.org] on converting the TiVo to use PAL signals
As docs on some of the video chips in the TiVo were not available a primary technique used was to do random register operations until the desired result was achieved.

Damn, those samba guys are badasses!!

Re:More TiVo hacking links (2)

Mulletproof (513805) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878397)

From the Linked FAQ...

Can I hack my TiVo so I don't need a TiVo subscription?

NO NO NO. This is something that will NOT be explored. TiVo has been very gracious in not coming down on all this hacking described in this FAQ and we will do nothing to harm that. Nothing will be looked at to get around the subscription service so don't ask! Regardless your TiVo will function as a VCR already with manual record mode.

Awww... What thoughtful and caring "hackers" these people are! it fills my heart with warm gooey liquid joy to know that they teach you how to modify for some personal, quasi-legal gains, but not others.

Tivo 1 Owners already have a FREE web interface... (4, Interesting)

sk3tch (165010) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878136)

http://tivo.lightn.org/ [lightn.org]

No add'l streams of revenue off us Tivo 1-model hackers. Heh heh heh. :)

Yeah...we can't view photos (boo hoo) and listen to MP3s (Apex DVD player anyone?) but we can extract shows, FTP, telnet, etc. into our Tivos...

Wonder if Tivo will now be disabling this "ability" with a new round of hacker "thwarts"?

Re:Tivo 1 Owners already have a FREE web interface (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878229)

Actualy if you go search around some old posts of hacking developments on dealdatabase [dealdatabase.com] , you will find we can listen to MP3's, and as somebody who is assisting in the development of these hacks, I would imagine that viewing photos on an S1 SA or Dtivo isn't far off :)

Story != Tivo 2 (3, Informative)

aardwolf64 (160070) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878141)

The second generation TiVo has been around for quite some time (months even), and it does not have broadband support. Unless they'll be selling hardware upgrades (which is doubtful considering the warranty situation), you'll probably have to get a third generation TiVo.

Of course, that's not to stop you from getting the Turbonet Ethernet Adapter Board [9thtee.com] for your TiVo from The 9th Tee [9thtee.com] .

Re:Story != Tivo 2 (1)

sk3tch (165010) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878159)

Wrong!
Get a USB ethernet adapter...there are quite a few models that are "unofficially" supported by TiVo's "OS".

Right on the same site you linked too...lol:
http://www.9thtee.com/tivousbethernet.htm [9thtee.com]

Re:Story != Tivo 2 (2)

aardwolf64 (160070) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878206)

That's nice... I wonder if the drivers support the 1st generation TiVos (since that's what I have.) I actually bought a mounting kit, and "upgraded" my 30-hour Sony TiVo to a 90-hour one.

MOD DOWN! He is incorrect!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878254)

Please mod him down...he is incorrect. Tivo 2's can use USB ethernet adapters.

Re:MOD DOWN! He is incorrect!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878280)

Why don't you suck my hairy nut sack?

TiVo 2nd generation does NOT come with broadband support. If you want broadband, you need to purchase an adapter. Just because an old laptop came with a USB port doesn't mean it had a built-in NIC. Why not try reading the post before you ask to have it modded down???

Re:MOD DOWN! He is incorrect!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878310)

he said it doesn't have broadband support...it DOES...you can buy a USB ethernet adapter...you like misinformation...I personally do not, sucka!

Re:Story != Tivo 2 (5, Informative)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878291)

The second generation TiVo has been around for quite some time (months even), and it does not have broadband support. Unless they'll be selling hardware upgrades (which is doubtful considering the warranty situation), you'll probably have to get a third generation TiVo.

Wrong. TiVo 2 comes with USB ports. These are meant for addons. There are plenty of USB-Ethernet solutions available. In fact, TiVo 2 comes with (albeit somewhat hidden) support for these devices already. You can change your telephone dialup # to a special code, and TiVo will use the USB/Ethernet connection to download program guide data and system updates (and to update the clock).

Presumably these new addons would utilize this broadband over USB technology.

Of course, that's not to stop you from getting the Turbonet Ethernet Adapter Board [9thtee.com] for your TiVo from The 9th Tee [9thtee.com].

It's amazing that you linked to 9th tee's turbonet product, and yet completely missed the USB/Ethernet stuff [9thtee.com] I was just talking about for TiVo 2's.

Cock Enlargement (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878148)

I have, I suppose, like all men, wondered what it would be like to have a larger cock. I have, once again, like a lot of people seen the 'freaks' in porno movies who have horse like dicks and thought to myself - 'That can't be normal, most people aren't like that surely.'

But in the back of your mind, you always wonder. Now let me say from the outset that I have nothing in my pants to brag about and although through the years I seem to have been able to satisfy most of the women I have been with, there has never been more than one or two who have, afterwards, made favourable comments either about my length, girth, performance or stamina although they have commented favourably about the over all performance. Perhaps they were just being kind not saying much at all.

Yes, I could say it is because they were so fucking exhausted, they couldn't say anything, but of course that would be lying. I suppose though, if I think back amongst all the women I have had sex with, similarly, there have only been a few that I have thought to be outstanding for one particular reason or another and with them, I have made that very obvious.

I don't think any of them have had particularly small cunts - all the more reason for doubting myself. There has, however, been a couple that have had particularly well-developed cunt muscles and that has made all the difference for both of us. Once again, I now wonder why that was necessary.

There was another whose cunt inner walls were very ribbed and that was sensational. The only trouble with that was that those ribs were made to make you come and come I did. Luckily she was in the days when I was young enough to recover quickly and start all over again and again.

There was another who much preferred me up her arse mind you she had a huge cunt. Her husband once told me "It was like chucking a bit of string in a Cathedral."

There was another who had bushes of body hair everywhere she could cover up. That I found to be magnificent; I couldn't get enough of her.

I suppose that brings me inevitably on to the issue of size and my size in particular. Well here goes. As I have, for as many years as I can remember, been aware of my size and the issue of whether or not I was big enough, I can tell you that I always seem to have been around 7.5 - 8inches long with 4.5 - 5 inches in girth (that girth measurement is not around the head of my dick because I know that is bigger by about another half inch or so and therefore does not give the true measurement over all).

I therefore thought it was about time to go in search of facts and figures of prick sizes and on methods of improving what I have. With the web now so available to us all and virtually anything you want to research on there, I found no trouble in coming up with many different solutions to my 'problem'.

However, a new problem then developed. Did I want to spend a lot of money on contraptions for the outside of my body and tablets and potions for the inside of my body that might not work anyway? Many years ago, I had had one of those suction pumps that were great fun and made your dick look VERY impressive for as long as you had it on, but as soon as it came off, you were back to square one.

I really did give that one a go for a long time simply because I could see the result I wanted to achieve when it was in operation, but try as I might, it just didn't work for me. One of my friends who I confided in (after a particularly fine foursome where it was difficult for everyone not to be exposed to everyone else) suggested pills.

After some thought, I really couldn't understand how any pill would be able to aim just for your prick and enlarge that, surely there were other similar muscles in your body. And in any case all the pills were 'natural' or 'herbal' and easily available without prescription and that made me sceptical as well.

But then I came across a couple of exercise programmes on the web that were not going to cost me anything and could easily be done in a few minutes of privacy. I won't tell you the names of the sites I got these off otherwise you are going to think this is some kind of advert and not fact at all. However, if anyone wants to contact me, they can and I will give the name of the site to you then.

I started about three months ago and it seems to be having an effect. You can't just do the exercises on their own, you also need to strengthen up the muscle between your balls and your arse for the greatest effect - I will go in to that later.

Each day, I do a warm up whereby I take a shower and whilst still in there, I lather up the old tool and put my thumb and forefinger in an 'O' around the base and pull away from me. I found it best to have my hand the way round that kept the rest of my fingers furthest away from my body when I pulled.

I didn't pull my dick straight out from my body, it always felt most effective when I pulled it almost straight down. I would take each pull slowly so it took me about five seconds to pull down from the base to the head.

I, of course, have always found this to be quite stimulating and would become semi erect by the twentieth to thirtieth pull. Unfortunately, I have never been able to determine if this will slow down the effect I am having on my size or not, perhaps someone could let me know.

After I have done it with one hand about fifty times (always lathering him up frequently as I go) I change hands and pull it down the other way. I am not suggesting that you should pull it slowly down to one side and then the other, I always try to pull it straight down as I have never had any kind of bend on mine.

I suppose that if yours has got a bend in it and you don't like that, (heaven knows why, I have always thought that looked great on blokes, but there again, I don't know if it effects the way you can fuck) you could always slowly pull your dick in the opposite direction to the bend and see if that helps.

Once you have done about fifty pulls with both hands, you need to then gently play with your dick, (not a bad thing) whilst still in the shower to kind of let it get over what you have just done to it.

Just a couple of words of warning, if you are going to give it a try but have had in the past or can get hold of any professional advice now that suggests that, for what ever reason you shouldn't try it, then don't, it just might not be for you. But if you feel confident that it is safe for you and you would like to give it a try, build up to the exercise, don't go mad and do too much straight away.

I must admit, I did it too hard, for too long to begin with and it damn well hurt. My prick went a bruised colour and I felt sure I had done some kind of permanent damage. Luckily I hadn't, but it taught me a very good lesson. I started the second time with just ten pulls with one hand and then the next day, ten pulls with the other.

Soon, I was up to ten pulls per day with both hands and gradually, I have tightened my grip to pull harder as the weeks have gone by, also increasing the number of pulls.

Obviously, this is what works for me and everyone is different. If your prick is used to a lot of battering then you should be able to start stronger that if it isn't, but take it easy and take it steady.

I have now been able to graduate to being able to do it anywhere at anytime I have privacy, I no longer need some kind of lubricant, but my first pull of the day is always in the shower, with the warmth and with the soap, that kind of warms me up for the day. It doesn't take long to whip the old trousers down, say when you go for a pee, instead of standing at a stall, go into a cubicle and you can do a quick pull as well.

The other main thing to watch out for is where you are pushing the blood that is already in your prick as you begin each pull down from the base. Obviously, as your grip gets tighter and you pull down harder, you are going to trap the blood and try forcing it out the end - ouch!!!

For those of you like me who have a foreskin, you will find that it tends to have a semi permanent redness about it as though it is sore and to a certain extent it is. For those cut guys, I don't know what to say because I don't know any cut guys who are doing the same exercises.

What I have tended to start doing as the girth has improved is to continue with the downward pulls, with an ever increasing grip, but not go to the knob end. I now usually stop half way down, pull my foreskin back and then continue with the pull. I only ever go as far as the head. I have never continued my pull over it.

My pulling sessions now normally finish with an extended pull for the final time. That is to say, when I decide I have had enough and things are starting to get a bit tender (which they can if you don't always use lube), the last gripped pull reached the head and I stay there, still pulling for say another ten or fifteen seconds and then slowly let go.

My relaxation period (when I am not at home) always tends to be taking hold of him and gently squeezing him a dozen or so times until things feel back to normal (don't forget, this can be quite exciting and when you leave the loo, you don't want to be walking around the office with a damn great lob on, do you - or do you?).

What effect has all this had? Well, I think it has changed me in several ways, both physically and mentally. First of all, the one you have all been waiting for, what has it done to my dong?

Well when you consider that all these 'enlargement' sites tell you that although you will see change in a few weeks, for the best effect, you must keep doing it for at least a year. I can report that there is not much change in length - you remember I used to be 7.5 - 8 inches (could I really claim 8, well sometimes, just perhaps, maybe if I was quick enough with the ruler) well now, on many occasions there is definitely eight, perhaps a tad more, or is that just my imagination?

But it is the girth where there has been significant change - you remember it was 4.5 - 5, well now I can truly claim an increase to 6 inches at least and you can really feel the difference. When it is flaccid, it used to be about 3 - 3.5 inches, now it is 4 - 4.5 inches dependent on the temperature, you men will know what I mean by that.

And it seems to have been noticed as well (and this is where the mental effect comes in), because the girth has changes size, so has the head, although I have not measured the head yet when fully erect, taking into consideration the increased girth measurement, I would say that it is now in the region of 6.5+ inches, and that shows!!!

When I now have sex, there is a lot more squirming takes place by my partner when we are trying to get me up inside her. She can definitely feel that something is very different and when I am fully up inside of her, she shakes gently, holds me perfectly still as far up inside her as she can get me and squeezes him a lot more with her cunt wall muscles.

When she finally lets him go so that we can start moving, she now loves the feeling of the rim of the head of my dick scraping along the inside walls of her fanny. She also seems to be a lot noisier when she cums.

Now the other thing I thought I better mention is that muscle just behind your balls - I can't remember what it is called but I think it was once referred to as the PA muscle, but there again, it doesn't really matter what it is called as long as you exercise the right one.

All the sites I have found say you must exercise this along with the other pulling exercises and the way to do this is by clenching your arse cheeks together time after time after time. The way I checked which one it was, was to wait until I went for a pee and stopped myself from peeing once I was in full flow. Now the one you can feel yourself clenching is the one you have to exercise.

The sites also say that you can do this at anytime and in any position, laying down, standing up or sitting down. When I went for a pee and stopped myself, the muscle I felt was directly between my balls and my arse but when I started exercising, in certain positions it felt as though I was exercising a completely different muscle up inside my arse.

I don't know if this is the same muscle or not, but to be sure, I feel far more confident exercising when I am sitting down, particularly upright say when in the office or driving. And you really can do it anytime, anywhere no one will ever know what you are doing.

I can't recall any of the sites actually explaining why it is necessary to excise this thing but I have gathered from the way the sites are written that it will help us with our self control and the stiffness of our cock when erect - so exercise I do.

They also suggest that you need to build up to where you are clenching it hundreds of times a day in batches of say fifty at a time. This may sound a lot, but it really isn't IF YOU CAN REMEMBER TO DO IT. It is so easy to forget, but I have now got myself into a frame of mind where it just cums to me second nature now and I almost don't have to think about it, I just find myself doing it.

I do it slowly now but I started where I didn't hold the clench for very long because I found that if I did, it didn't take many clenches before it started to hurt as though I had strained it. Now, fifty takes me about ten minutes, that's all, and if I want to, I can start another fifty straightaway.

Obviously, I don't count them, otherwise I would never be able to concentrate on what anyone around me was saying or what other traffic was doing, I just know how long I have been doing it for each time, but I can really feel the difference in the size of the muscle, now all I have to do is learn how to use that better muscle to my advantage. Once again, if anyone could help me out on that one, I would be most grateful.

All these 'enlargement' plans claim -

Permanent penis enlargement - well, we will see, so far, so good

Experience multiple orgasms - can't say that one has worked on me yet

Curvature straightening - never had a curve

Increased sexual stamina - I can certainly last a lot longer now, maybe too long, you have to be careful here.

Cures and prevents impotence - cleaver one this, I suppose they can always turn round and say you might have suffered if you hadn't exercised.

Bigger penis head - definitely and it's great.

Rock hard erections - haven't needed too much here although I would say there is certainly an improvement.

Increased levels of semen - hard for me to judge because I love to cum so frequently, but that's another story, however, the girlfriend did go away recently for a couple of days and I was able to leave myself alone (except for exercising) for that time, when she got back and I whipped her straight off to bed, I nearly drowned her.

More confidence and better sex - definitely, when you can't sit down with your legs together or you are always having to make yourself comfortable down there, you know you are doing SOMETHING right and that transfers over to when you get her into bed. And it's great when you can sense that she feels the difference, you almost want to smile. With the increased flaccid state, you feel far more confident getting caught around the house. But the best bit is when you are on top of her and in a press-up position so that she can look down you and she sees what is about to hammer her and she makes that quiet little noise in the back of her throat and can't wait to get her hands around it and guide it into her slowly so that you don't hurt her -That's fucking brilliant.

Anyway, that's how if has worked and is still working for me. If you feel it can benefit you, why not give it a go. If you have tried something else and it has worked, why not share it with the rest of us so that we can all benefit.

Until someone cums up with a better solution on how to get your hands on your own member and make big improvements to its size - all free of charge, I am just going to keep pulling away and clenching with my exercises and see what I can achieve. I hope for some improvement to the length, more than I have achieved so far, and a continued improvement to the girth and head - I will measure it sometime for you if anyone is interested.

Please let me know what free improvements you have been able to make to your own meat and how you have been able to make them. Please don't exaggerate, hopefully you can see that I have tried to be as factual as possible with no exaggerations as at the end of the day, we are only trying to make ourselves act and feel better in life and that can't be a bad thing.

I really hope this helps some of you guys out there who have felt like I have in the past.

Good exercising and good luck.

Re:Cock Enlargement (-1, Offtopic)

cyril3 (522783) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878219)

There is a theory that erections in big dicks drain blood from the brain and so reduces the erectees mental capacity. The effect may be cumulative.

Your post is certainly pesuasive though I am still strongly attracted the theory that you were born an idiot and will always be one.

Re:Cock Enlargement (-1, Offtopic)

painehope (580569) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878286)

Ah, yes, little grasshopper, but that is why you must whack on, whack off...

giggles while karma burns...

photos and music? (2)

pizza_milkshake (580452) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878149)

TiVo already has full motion video. i thought the trend went: text -> pictures and music -> video.

Re:photos and music? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878170)

Very cool sig.

Re:photos and music? (1)

cheezitmike (537630) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878239)

Shhhh... you're giving away the secret plans for TiVo series 4: the ability to save text files!

NiGgEr NIGGER nIgGeR NIGGER NiGgEr NIGGER nIgGeR (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878160)

mp3s AND digital photos? WOW! (2, Interesting)

USC-MBA (629057) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878165)

Sarcasm aside, it has to be said that there are better uses for a television, especially the home-theater setups many Tivo users prefer, than as a slideshow screen or jukebox.

I refer of course to using the television as a medium for viewing video clips saved in formats such as wmv, mpeg, divx, avi, etc. If users could transfer porn^H^H^H^H educational videos and the like directly to the Tivo box from their computers, it would be a great increase in convenience, and might just be the app that secures in the customer bade Tivo needs.

Tivo 2 Business Plan? (-1, Offtopic)

The Jonas (623192) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878171)

1. Create Tivo 2.
2. Hint at charging for premium services.
3. Postpone further announcements/roll-out until after shopping/holiday season.
4. ???
5. Profit???

No Thanks.

Re:Tivo 2 Business Plan? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878247)

That joke was funny 2 years and 2 billion tellings ago, but it isn't funny now you stupid fuck. Shut up and die you peice of shit mother fucker.

Love my Tivo... BUT... (5, Insightful)

no_such_user (196771) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878215)

I've been a Tivo subscriber for 2.5 years now, and while I love my Tivo (Series 1, 90+ hours), $13 a month is starting to get old. I don't understand who would be willing to spend yet more to play music and view pictures.

Really, there are too many things competing for a consumer's monthy share of the paycheck. There's cable/satellite. Cell phone. Bill payment service. Bank fees. The ISP. Tivo. Gym membership. Subscriptions to various web sites. And it's been said that the world's favorite operating system and supporting programs will be billed monthly in the not-too-distant future. With an economy in not-top-shape (here in the US, anyway) and the unemployment rate rising, who can afford to pay for all these monthly services?

As for increasing my $13/month to Tivo for new services... I'd consider a one-time charge to add software to it, similar to when I install an application onto my PC. But not a monthly billed increase.

Re:Love my Tivo... BUT... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878267)

If you had been smart enough to go with the lifetime service charge(of the box)you would have been in the clear long ago.

Duh.

Re:Love my Tivo... BUT... (1)

ICA (237194) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878341)

Excellent point, I have been trying to point this out to people for some time now. Everything is going to the subscription model now, and most people aren't smart enough to realize what is happening.

To most people who are not mindful of their budget, a monthly bill of $15 or so here or there is nothing. They fail to take into account what happens when they have 10 or more of those.

If you offered the same 10 services in a package for $150 a month, they wouldn't even consider it.

Personally, I don't have Cable TV or phone line anymore, and I won't use a bank or ATM with fees.

That leaves me with the utility/DSL/gym which I can manage.

Re:Love my Tivo... BUT... (1)

captaincucumber (450913) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878371)

Preach it, brother.

Another point is that if you tried to tell people you were going to charge them $600/year for cable they'd go crazy. And yet, cable here costs $50/month. I think people just don't do the math. $600/year and mostly all I watch is NBC, FOX, and UPN, all of which are free with a $20 antenna.

Fuck cable.

Just waiting for the next FP opportunity... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878222)

Frist poste nexte!!!!!!!!!

Uhh... (0, Redundant)

Grip3n (470031) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878226)

Users will be able to play MP3s and view photos that come from their computer

I don't know about you, but my computer can already play MP3's and view photos. Why pay $250 to do that again?

Re:Uhh... (5, Insightful)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878313)

I don't know about you, but my computer can already play MP3's and view photos. Why pay $250 to do that again?

Sigh. What is with these lame, ignorant posts getting modded up tonight?

1. Can your computer play MP3's on your stereo in the living room, which just happens to be hooked up to your TiVo?

2. Can your computer display photos on your big TV in the living room for the entire family to see?

If you answered No to either question, you just may be in their target market. Golly.

Re:Uhh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878376)

1. Yes
2. Yes.

Wow. That sure was hard. >$200!

Non-service PVRs? (1, Flamebait)

autopr0n (534291) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878231)

Are there any good PVRs out there that you don't need to pay a monthly service fee to use? I mean, come on. TV listings are hardly worth $5/month or whatever. I can get all of that off the web for free.

I also really don't want some company (and possibly TIA in the future) sifting through my TV viewing habits.

Are there any PVR solutions out there that just let you record TV shows and watch 'em later? (being able to transfer the files to my computer would be a huge bonus as well :P)

Re:Non-service PVRs? (4, Informative)

UserChrisCanter4 (464072) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878293)

There certainly are. Several of the ReplayTV models are priced (or were, maybe they've changed) sans-subscription. Of course, the prices started at $500, coincidentally, very similar to the subscription-based models + lifetime fee. The subscription fee is really just a different method of making a profit on the hardware. The catch is that few (or fewer, as these companies are all struggling) people would shell out $500 for this equipment, but $200-$300 falls within the acceptable range. Just think about it this way: your PVR costs $500+. You can pay them now, or you can break half of that out in installments.

Not to toot the ReplayTV horn again, but their units ship with 10BaseT Ethernet. Although there isn't official Replay->PC support, there are programs that let you do it.

Re:Non-service PVRs? (5, Insightful)

tswinzig (210999) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878337)

Are there any good PVRs out there that you don't need to pay a monthly service fee to use?

No.

I mean, come on. TV listings are hardly worth $5/month or whatever. I can get all of that off the web for free.

Then do it.

However, if you think it's too much of a pain in the ass to write and maintain a program that can consistently generate accurate results for your home-brewed PC-based PVR, then you just may be interested in a TiVo, where everything is easy to use, and it costs a mere $13 a month for the entire service.

I also really don't want some company (and possibly TIA in the future) sifting through my TV viewing habits.

1. They're aggregate, not tied to you. 2. You can turn it off. 3. What are you afraid of? That Mr. BigWig will know you are one of 100,000 people watching X-files reruns at 3AM. WTF cares? Worry about something that matters.

Are there any PVR solutions out there that just let you record TV shows and watch 'em later?

The beauty of TiVo is what happens when you don't have to worry about setting your device up to record shows. You tell it what you like, and it does everything for you.

I think you may be looking for a VCR?

Re:Non-service PVRs? (2)

mckwant (65143) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878345)

Not really. Your best bet might be keeping track of the Freevo [sourceforge.net] project, although I've no experience with that, and it doesn't appear to be able to tape at the moment.

> TV listings are hardly worth $5/month...

We own two TiVos, and you're not just paying for the listings, but for the superb user interface. As many other posters have already mentioned:

"Yes, you COULD do everything TiVo does with a homegrown computer, but TiVo comes in a squeaky clean WORKING package, as opposed to cobbling something together from assorted parts lying around your garage."

I've had two SW upgrades during the couple of years we've had the TiVos, and both upgrades have brought features that significantly enhanced the use of my TiVo. Easily worth $10/month, IMHO.

> ...some company sifting through my TV viewing habits

TiVo are very open about what they track and what they don't. IIRC, they don't even trace back to the user, but use your information in conjunction with others to create profiles.

At that level, I don't have much of a problem with it.

Re:Non-service PVRs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878394)

Might be a little pricey but it does a really create job and does not require any service at all

Panasonic DMR HS2 [panasonic.com]

Oh come ON already... (2, Insightful)

sweet 'n sour (595166) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878237)

Who cares about listening to mp3's and seeing pictures on yet ANOTHER device... And what does any of that have to do with recording, pausing, skipping which is what the tivo is supposed to be all about! Hell, my 65 dollar dvd player can do all that now. How many pictures can you stick on one vcd? a thousand?

Why not make a feature that we can really use... like high definition support!

Now, when they say website... (3, Funny)

xchino (591175) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878242)

By it being programmed through a website, do they mean a web interface, or an actual internet web site? If it's through a web site, I think I'd be wary of them tracking my viewing habis.. more so than they do already..

Odd (5, Insightful)

T. Will S. Idea (463154) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878250)

What makes them think that people will pay extra to listen to music? People may pay extra if they get to download the music and burn it to CDs and transfer it to their MP3 players, but I can't imagine Tivo getting away with that when others have tried and failed.

And I can't even imagine how they could get people to pay extra to show their own photos on their own TV.

As a Tivo subscriber, I find it alarming that these guys are flailing around aimlessly with stupid business models like these. It makes me think that their days truly are numbered.

Innovative (2, Funny)

bahwi (43111) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878259)

But it's not innovative until it's Code Red and Nimda compatible!

if it aint HD (0, Troll)

14ghz (633777) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878264)

If it can't do HD... who cares? Oh yah... I forgot. there are cards that record HD bitstreams and regular analog NTSC right off air/cable and to your HDD... FOR FREE! tivo... pleeze. bob

I think there is a bug in the kernel (0, Offtopic)

teamhasnoi (554944) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878276)

I tried to record Farscape, and ended up with this [thewavemedia.com] .

and what about Canada? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878287)

Still can't buy, still can't use, still no good in Canada. Thanks I'll stick to my vcr, which I don't have to pay a fee for.

Tivo's forcast... (1)

johnraphone (624518) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878320)

"Ramsey also reiterated TiVo's forecast that its subscribers will double to 1 million in fiscal 2004, which begins in February. "

Thats pretty cool. But I don't think Turner Broadcasting's CEO [slashdot.org] will like it.

Funny... my Xbox does all that already.. :) (1)

steppin_razor_LA (236684) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878329)

Not that I'm knocking Tivo.. I absolutely love my DirecTivo... but these new features don't seem all that compelling.

Imagine the implications for... (1)

Ghoser777 (113623) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878333)

pr0n!

You thought it looked good on your 15 inch CRT? Wait till you see all the *action* on your TV's 24 inches of glory... although that may not be the only 24 inches of glory you'd be seeing.

[rim shot]

F-bacher

Trying to be on topic (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878357)

Hot grids down your naked and petrified mod points!

TiVo 2 vs. the spirit of CopyLeft & HDTV (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878361)

TiVo has been "signing" their kernels so that the TiVo hardware will only recognize the kernel compiled by themselves. So, while TiVo does provided the source code to the Linux kernel and their modification to the source code, you will never get your own compilation of the kernel to ever run on the hardware. Of course, this defeats the hole point of CopyLeft/GPL!

But, even if you don't care about Free Software and the future of Linux, there is also the issue of the future of TV. The FCC keeps claiming that there will be *ALOT* more ATSC digital TV broadcasts in 2006. That is only 4 years away! Why would anyone want to pay at least $200 + $250 subscription for a total of $450 on something that the NTSC tuner can't be replaced in?? TiVo still makes no claims to the be "HDTV ready." If it had some USB2 ports then there might be hope in the future but the two USB v1 ports provided have a *practical* maxium through-put of maybe 16 Mbps *combined*. An ATSC tuner can spit end up spitting out 19.2 Mbps of digital TV goodness of which the TiVo USB ports can't keep up. By the time TiVO figures out how far behind they are either a future version of Xbox or PlayStation will have entered the PVR market.

Snapstream (1)

wilpig (515764) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878372)

I don't want to sound like a troll or a bad infomercial but I am currently beta testing a program called snapstream that does everything that a tivo does along with the remote show management, and supports multiple codecs for recording too.

Don't take my word for it check it out. http://www.snapstream.com the watching live tv over my network at home is really nice. Plus being able to connect in anytime from work and see what is going on has been fun as well.

YAWN! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#4878383)

as a happy ReplayTV owner, I have to say...what is all the excitement about?

Tivo is only copying abilities the ReplayTV has had for a LONG time, the only difference is, ReplayTV has Internet connectivity, doesn't require a phone line, has built in 802.11, and can skip commercials.

Why is it people like Tivo better?

More than the story tells (3, Interesting)

Quikah (14419) | more than 11 years ago | (#4878384)

According to an "unofficial" post [tivocommunity.com] by a TiVo marketing rep there is much more to this than just mp3 and picture viewing.

My guess: Originally when series 2 was announced they mentioned that they would have some deal with Real. I am guessing that you will be getting some of the premium Real content with this.
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