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Pancake Physics to Cut Batter Splatter

chrisd posted more than 11 years ago | from the all-hail-science dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 313

Anonymous Coward writes "The headline just about says it all on this one. A physics grad student in the UK has come up with the mathematical formula for how to flip a pancake and have it land correctly back in the pan. The BBC has the details."

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Dearest $$$$$exyGal (-1, Offtopic)

TrollBurger (575126) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447695)

I am more than capable of making an on topic post here, but I shan't. Instead I'd like to take a moment to talk about my cock, if I may, to familiarize you with the events that are about to take place. It resembles nothing in shape so much as a fire extinguisher; a red cylinder with a circumference about equal to a petri dish and as long as a regulation yardstick, networked with throbbing veins big enough to drive a Matchbox car through, and topped by a nearly luminescent magnificent red head, as big as a mid-size cantaloupe and covered in skin the consistency of #4 grain sandpaper. I could fit your little sister's arm in my urethra.

So I'll come over to your house, introduce yourself to your Mom and talk a little bit about what I'm going to do to your anus, lay down some tarps on the floor, and commence what will no doubt be the crowning achievement of your life, even better than watching your 'fans list' growing in size. I will sodomize you like God was riding on my shoulder whispering instructions into my ear, little miss $$$$$exyGal, and this is how it'll be done.

When i was dating a girl who rather enjoyed being fisted, the first thing I learned was how to 'make the ducky,' or shape your hand into a position that could slip into the vagina with the least resistance. Then, when entrance had been achieved, the position of the hand was changed to a fist to offer more stimulus. Unfortunately for you, my cock cannot make the ducky. It's just going to have to use brute pelvic force to stretch your brown-walled turd canal to it's utmost. You may wish to practice in the intervening hours with King Cobra malt beverage bottles, just to reduce the intense, searing pain a notch or two.

There will be pain, however, and I am not cruel. I will provide you with a damp rag to clutch between your teeth, muffling the grunts and lamentations from your mouth. One would think that my pleasure would be reduced from this measure, but I must confess that I find the sounds of your rupturing colon and the gases escaping sufficiently erotic to continue my explorations. Once my cock has reached it's limit, buried deep inside you like Grant in Grant's Tomb, the true sex will begin. You and I will bond like few people can, and I may finally come to know your affection for mindless fans, which I have never supported and never will, and you will begin to know the blinding joy of forced sodomy.

And, as few people know (well, actually, SexyKellyOsbourne knows, as my pimp, and WipoTroll of course before he killed himself, and John Katz from that time in the bunker when we both thought we were going to die, and PhysicsScholar and RealWorldStuff of course know in exchange for the free education, and CmdrTaco, Hemos, Jamie, Timothy and Pudge know as valued johns, and as Rusty knows because he's from the and I fucked him), my penis is covered in a number of barbs, much like a dog's, and during coitus, these prevent my unit from slipping out of the blood-lubricated hole and disrupting my tearing rhythm. Upon orgasm, as pints of spooge rocket out of my pee-hole, burning through whatever they encounter like that burny stuff in the Alien movies, the barms withdraw and my flaccid member can resume it's rightful place in my pants.

Unfortunately, $$$$$exyGal, once I had worked my monster cock all the way up your digestive system, your immense, fat-tittied disgustingness would make it impossible for me to ever have an orgasm again, and my penis would be stuck running parallel to your spinal column for the forseeable future. Of course, I'd cut your arms and legs off to lighten the load a bit, and have my Dad bring over the Makita power sander so I wouldn't have to look at your foolish face with the first little wisps of a female-moustache growing (and I've heard hair grows after you die, so I bet that thing'll look REALLY BITCHIN once you're super dessicated) and I'd just have to wait for you to rot yourself off of my dick, as I'll be damned if we're gonna do any cutting in there. Needless to say, this does not appeal to me.

Sadly, however, I see no other options. Best tell your mom I'm on my way. I'd like peanut butter sandwiches and a tall, cool glass of milk to be waiting for me. It's gonna be a long day.

Your daddy,

Re:Dearest $$$$$exyGal (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447739)

Best troll I've read since Trollaxor's.

Dearest TrollBurger (-1, Offtopic)

$$$exy Gwen Araujo (654821) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447782)

Stop kidding yourself. Even I had a bigger cock than you do.

Brilliant! (-1, Offtopic)

DrMrLordX (559371) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447789)

Bravo! Three cheers for Trollburger! Your anal spelunking should be seen by all slashdotters, and praised for its form, substance, and anatomical correctness. Please mod parent up!

Re:Dearest $$$$$exyGal (-1, Troll)

majestynine (605494) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447801)

i salute you, kind sir.

remember: just before you're about to orgasm, punch her in the back of the throat. It makes her butt clench up even more, and feels great with your dick in her pooper.! fun every time.

Amazing (-1, Redundant)

ewithrow (409712) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447699)

Must be a slow news day..

The Art Of Cunnilingus (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447701)


Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her cum like crazy. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is the easiest way to cum with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the planet, but if you give great head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover. Yes, it's that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these days - you might as well know what you're doing.

First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women's genitalia. Guys that can't wait to get their dick into one are often reluctant to put their face "down there". For every guy who says he loves to eat pussy, there's another one who's squeamish. Women know this, and it affects their ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is nothing more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious. Don't be coy; tell her. When a guy fingers a lady and then smells, licks, sucks the juice off his finger and sighs as if in heaven, she knows this is her lucky day.

What if your sweet lady doesn't smell or taste very sweet? Don't suffer. (Don't complain, either.) Take a nice hot shower or bath together. Lather up both of your bodies and slide them together. It's like a whole body fuck. Soap up her vulva, washing between her outer and inner lips. Spread her lips apart and gently wash her clitoris. Hey, don't stop - this feels great! Run your soapy hand down the crack of her ass, and rub a finger all around her anus. You can stick one finger in and wash around inside too, if you anticipate any anal play, and I suggest you do. But don't put those soapy fingers up her vagina. Instead, rinse them off well and stick one or two inside, making a circular motion. Think about washing the inside of a tall glass - same thing. Now wasn't that fun? And now you can feel free to let your tongue wander anywhere it pleases...

So now what? You've found a comfy spot to play, you've been kissing passionately, your tongues darting around each other's mouths like playful otters. You've moved down to nibble one of her hardening nipples and she's starting to groan, grinding her pelvis against your stomach. STOP. I know it was just starting to get good. But was she really groaning and humping you, or was it your own excitement you were detecting? I strongly prefer to be excited before a guy starts plunging his tongue into my inner recesses. Use your judgement, and kiss, lick, and fondle your way down her stomach, up her thighs, until she's arching up her back trying to get you to eat her. Of course, if she really was groaning and grinding, go for it... I also don't particularly enjoy a guy endlessly nibbling my inner thigh while my clit is quivering in anticipation.


If the woman you are with is somewhat hesitant about your going down on her, start off with her lying on her back, perhaps half-sitting. Lay down between her legs, with her legs over your shoulders. She may enjoy laying or sitting at the edge of the bed with you kneeling. She can also straddle your face, but be prepared to get very wet. There are endless varieties of positions where you can press your face up to her cunt, some of which strike me as more acrobatic than erotic, but feel free to experiment. And then there's 69...

69 is one of my favorite positions. On the plus side, you both get to enjoy the sublime sensations of getting head, simultaneously. The upside down positioning of a woman's pussy and your mouth is an easy fit and there's more room for your hands. On the negative side, it's a less than ideal position for a woman to give head. Plus, if you need to read this article, you may be better off concentrating your energies on pleasing her, without too much distraction. But even for experienced 69'ers, it's easy to short-change your partner. "It feels soooo good, I'm just gonna stop for a second and concentrate on what you're...aaaarrrgghhh". Get the picture? Some show of will-power is in order.

69 can be done male on top, female on top, or side by side. The latter two are easier, though it's more restful with both partners laying down. Some women love being licked on all fours, so if female-on-top 69 drives her wild, take the hint and find some other ways to eat her in this position. I happen to enjoy male on top, but for many women this is a sure choking position. If a woman can, or wants to try, to deep throat you, this is THE position. When her head is thrust back you can really slide your cock all the way down her throat. But don't forget what you're supposed to be doing!

So there you are staring at it - the mysterious hole from whence you came, and into which you hope to cum again... First, an anatomy lesson...


Before I go any further, a few words about the clitoris, accent on the first syllable. Most of you know it, but for those who don't, it is THE woman's sex organ, period. It may feel great to be fucked vaginally, anally or otherwise, but if the stimulation is not right there, on the clitoris, you're ignoring the place that's going to make her cum, and presumably that's why you're reading this, right? It's right there at the top juncture of her inner lips, a small knob of pink flesh. This is where it's at boys, and don't forget it. Almost any licking and sucking of the labia or vaginal entrance is going to feel just dandy; just remember that this is pleasurable teasing, not the main event. I can't tell you how many guys have thrust their tongues up my vagina thinking that this was going to make me cum. They were wrong. Of course, with a little manual stimulation....but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Women feel differently about how much direct stimulation they can take on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clits, others will shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. IMPORTANT NOTE: Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited. The fact is, most women really need a good bit of stimulation before a targeted attack on their clitoris, but once they're there, that's where you want to devote your attention.

The key here is go slow, ask questions, and if she's comfortable with it, leave the lights on and really explore. Body language often does tell what feels best, but I promise, she will appreciate your attentiveness if you ask outright. If she seems shy, get her to guide your hands and mouth with her own hand, and pay attention. If she starts bucking up against your mouth and gasping in ragged little breaths, for God's sake, don't use this opportunity to try something different. Just keep doing exactly what you're doing.


I want to reiterate, there is almost nothing you can do that won't feel terrific, so relax! I promise, you may be confused and uncertain, but she's in heaven. Any licking and sucking of the labia, vaginal entrance, clitoris, or anal area is going to feel just great, and I'd no sooner tell guys to "do it exactly like this" than I would tell every chef to follow the same recipe. But for those who are compelled to RTFM, here are a few techniques that you might like to try:

Try lapping her pussy from vaginal entrance up to her clit, leaving your tongue soft and jaw relaxed. This is a good way to start your tonguing.
Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia on one side, while holding the two together with your lips. Good job, now do the other side.
Fuck her pussy with your tongue - in and out, around and around, etc. This feels nice. Not wonderful or incredible or earth-shaking; nice.
Spread her outer lips with your hand. Then, with your tongue pointed and stiff, gently flick here and there. Feel free to roam, but keep coming back to her clit. This drives some women wild, and others can't take it. Some may prefer that you always leave your tongue soft, so when you try this, pay attention to whether those moans are ecstacy or pain.
The following techniques should not be introduced until your partner is really hot (i.e. she's no longer coherent). These are very intense actions which may be "too much" for some women, even when nearing orgasm.

With her clit still exposed, give it a quick little suck - pulling it into your mouth briefly and letting it go. This is a lot like licking a bit of cake batter off of your pinky. This feels incredible, and is a fine thing to do if you feel like torturing her (see PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER below).
Take her exposed clit into your mouth and gently (at first, anyway) suck on it, simultaneously flicking your tongue over and around it. This can be done very lightly or very aggressively, and combined with fingering, will usually rapidly produce an intense orgasm.
Another choice technique involves rolling your tongue into a tube. If you can't do this with your tongue, you can't learn it - it's genetic. For those who can, this works best in an inverted or 69 position. Roll your tongue into a tube around the shaft of her clitoris. Slide it up and down; in effect, your tongue makes a tiny pussy for her clit to fuck. This also is likely to bring her over the edge.
Fingers are a valuable adjunct to eating pussy. Most women masturbate by pressing a finger or fingers over their clit, possibly "thru" the skin of their inner or outer lips, and vigorously rubbing in a circular or back-and-forth direction. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. You will never be a good lover until you can bring your woman to climax with your hands. When you fuck her from behind, or up her ass, or really in any position which doesn't allow her to simultaneously rub her vulva against your body, reach down or around and rub her clit. I know it's distracting, but just do it anyway. One important point to note: make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfortable (and sometimes downright painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across one's clitoris.

Of course, that's not all you can do with your fingers. One technique which is very exciting is to spread her lips wide apart with one hand, and with your index finger straight like a pencil, flick the side of it rapidly across her clit. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Combining this with the addition of some tongue action elsewhere is nothing short of bliss.

Sticking one or more fingers inside her vagina is also wonderful. You can simply move them in and out (this feels best with at least two or three fingers, pushed in hard), or wriggling them around. A particularly intense motion is to face your hand so that you have two fingers inside her with your palm facing the front of her body. Now move your fingers rapidly, as if waving hello. You are aiming to stimulate a particular part of the woman's vagina - namely the lower anterior (front) part. When combined with sucking her clit, this is nearly certain to bring her to a fast and intense climax.

An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one (and later two) fingers inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. I'm talking about that fleshy "mound" over her pubic bone. Your finger goes in and out and the ball of your hand is pressed hard against her vulva. You may want to rub or even shake the entire area with your palm.

Fingers also do nice things to tight little butt holes, but that's a whole other story...


This stuff is purely optional. If anal play doesn't turn you on, don't do it. If you're uncomfortable, she'll pick up on your feelings and start wondering if it's her pussy that's turning you off. Don't feel that you can't be a good lover without anal play; you can.

Cleanliness is of the essence. (remember that nice soapy shower?) Scoop out some luscious juices (from a very wet pussy) with your finger and rub it around her anus. (If she isn't well lubricated, saliva works too.) If that's all you or she feels comfortable with, fine - it still feels great. But I think most women enjoy the feel of a finger pushed up their ass while they're being fucked or eaten. You need to be gentle, possibly even leaving your finger still. Try moving it in and out a little, or around in a circle. If she starts moaning, you know you're doing something right.

It's really fun to feel a woman's anus rhythmically squeezing your finger as she cums. (And it's great for her, too) You're probably thinking about what that would feel like around your dick, and it's something you should certainly explore. Ass-fucking is somewhat out of the scope of this article, but suffice to say, if she doesn't like a finger up her butt, she sure as hell won't want your big dick up there. Even if she does enjoy this sort of play, she may still be somewhat apprehensive about putting something so large up there. The keys to success are sufficient (i.e. copious amounts of) lubrication (a water-soluble type such as K-Y, which is safe for condoms), relaxation on her part, and a slow, gentle, approach. She'll certainly tell you if she wants you to thrust harder or deeper. And remember, if you want to feel that delicious squeezing around your cock, reach around and diddle that clit!

As for anallingus - why not? Don't feel like you HAVE to do it to satisfy your woman. But if the idea turns you on, great. Let your tongue rove as it pleases. It's not necessary to actually put your tongue inside her butt to stimulate the area. Back and forth, around and around, you get the picture.

One hygiene note: once that finger (or your penis) has been inside her ass, don't even think about putting it anywhere else. Carelessness in this regard can cause a horrendous infection.


I haven't met a lot of men who are completely comfortable going down on a woman when she has her period. But some are. Most women are at their horniest before and sometimes during their period. You should definitely find a way to make her cum when she's bleeding, be it thru intercourse, manual, or oral stimulation. If you feel comfortable going down on her, great. It's perfectly safe. You may suggest that she insert a tampon, and then wash up. (As you now know, you don't need to get anywhere near her vagina to make her cum.) Or you could lay down a few old towels, turn out the lights, and forget about it.


I think variety is crucial. Some guy posted an article detailing a road map of kissing and licking (first here, then here, etc.) Much better to do the unexpected; sometimes a hungry, aggressive approach, other times a laid-back, leisurely one. You can even even include your nose, or your chin into the act. Start slow, that's the key, and let your lover guide the speed of the crescendo. In all cases, start gently. Roughness and clumsiness are big turn-offs. As she gets more and more excited, pay more attention to her clitoris. When she's three breathes away from cumming, moving your mouth off or away from her clit is agony. That's fine if you're intentionally torturing her, just understand that this is what you are doing. The only prohibition is to be reasonably gentle with her clit. Nibbling or biting is fine elsewhere, but we're talking about a sensitive spot.

Speaking of prolonging the agony... I think this is great fun. Bring your partner just to the edge of orgasm, and stop. This is not easy unless you really know your lover well. Instead, just have her help you. Say, "Grab my head and stop me just before you think you're gonna cum." Then take your sweet time. Blow on her clit, take it into your mouth just briefly, flick it just the very slightest bit. You will have this woman squirming and moaning like she's dying. Finger her deeply, enjoy the ecstasy you are imparting, and finally, have pity. Let the poor woman cum.


Okay, she's practically suffocating you, she's pressed so hard against your face; she's screaming and bucking up in the air; you feel her pussy contracting wildly - how long should you keep it up?? The simple answer is, until she makes you stop. Some women may stop you after five seconds from the start of their climax, others may be able to roll right into another orgasm if you keep going. Do come up for air, but remember, her excitement does not drop off as sharply as yours does. Play it safe by continuing the stimulation.

How many times does she need to cum? Some women are very content to have one orgasm. A whole lot of women would really like to cum again, but need about five minutes to recoup. Many women are so sensitive right after they cum that they may push your head violently away. This doesn't necessarily mean they've had enough, only that you need to stop for a few minutes. In fact most women, given a short rest between, are capable of cumming again and again. A smaller percentage of women are able to cum repeatedly with continued stimulation. This is the much-touted multiple-orgasm that is experienced by a minority of women. I know this makes it difficult to know when enough is enough, but there's a simple answer: ask her.


It happens to all of us sometimes - distraction, embarrassment, anxiety, or just an inability to "let go". What do you do about it? The first question is, can she easily bring herself to a climax in the privacy of her own home. If the answer is no - then she needs to do some homework. There are two books on the subject that I know of: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach, and Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson; pick up one. Then tell her to read it, study it, and practice, practice, practice!

Now if your partner is orgasmic only when alone - ask her point blank: "Is there something different I can do?" Many women are shy about criticizing their lovers, but if asked outright will surprise you with a very specific answer. It may be a simple matter of mechanics, like a little to right please, or not so rough, or more pressure and faster. Ah... perfect.

But suppose everything is wonderful. She says you're doing everything right but she just can't cum. There are two probable causes: selfconsciousness and/or self-loathing. For women who can't help watching themselves, the best approach is to eliminate anything that focuses her attention on what the two of you are doing. This is a "be here now" kind of thing - definitely not an introspective activity. Get that mirror off the ceiling. Dim the lights or turn them off completely. Put on some soft music. Share a glass of port. (I said A glass - getting drunk will definitely not help). Have her lay on her back, or propped up comfortably with some pillows. This is not the time for her to sit on your face, or the edge of the bed, or standing up against a wall. Arrange a time when you can devote a long period to eating her pussy, and then just keep it up. Forget everything I said about asking her questions - just close your eyes and get into it. I know this can be a difficult and exhausting exercise, but she will be extravagantly thankful for your efforts. It gets easier each time. If all else fails, get accustomed to masturbating together. Gradually begin to add your stimulation to her own, right before she's about to cum anyway. Over time, you can take over completely.

For women who themselves feel that their cunts are dirty or distasteful, all of the above methods may be helpful, but the underlying issue must also be addressed. I am amazed at how many women are ambivalent about their own genitals. They don't love "that part" of their body, and they can't believe that you would either. Yes, it is important to be clean. But clean means a daily shower which includes washing the vulva. It doesn't mean vainly attempting to remove every trace of smell or taste. The natural fragrance and secretions of a healthy woman are beautiful and erotic. Hopefully you agree (and if not, try hard to cultivate this attitude). When she learns to love her pussy, she will be infinitely more comfortable with your loving it too.

How to Eat Pussy

Hey, I have a lot of respect for all you guys who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there. And I'm not the only woman who says this. Furthermore, some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you out. When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won't even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town. So, remember, most guys can fuck, and those who can usually do it satisfactorily, but the guy who gives good head, he's got it made.

Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it's beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs.

Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn't it? There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I've seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman's unique qualities and tell her what makes her special.

Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you're petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.

Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.

Whenever you touch a woman's pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn't have any juices of it's own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry and that hurts. But you don't want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.

Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.

Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you've done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she's straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit.

Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently.

Tongue-fuck her. This feels define. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it's covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up tot he top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience it's presence. But even if you can't feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.

Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don't fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don't let go. That's what she'll be saying too: 'Don't stop. Don't ever stop!'

There's a reason for that, most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.

But back to your pussy eating session...There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, curing or after. She'll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.

Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. Make sure they're wet so you don't irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.

She'll let you know what to do. If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. You may have one who's nipples get hard when she's excited or only when she's having an orgasm. Your girl might flush red or begin to tremble. Get to know her symptoms and you'll be a more sensitive lover.

When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven's sakes, don't let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.

If you play your cards right, you'll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's had an orgasm. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She'd be yours as long as you wanted her.

The last advice I have for you is this: After you've made her come, make her your slave by giving her the best head she's ever had, don't leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she's come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.

Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experiences you can have. But it's what you make it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.

Female Oral Sex Techniques


In my experience, one of the main reasons that partners avoid female oral sex is due to a percieved or even experienced poor taste. While it is true that women run the range from pleasant (tasty!) to sour or uric tasting, there are easy steps to ensure that your partner will be tasting her sweetest.

First and most obviously, a good vigorous shower will do much to neutralize the taste of your partner. In fact, oral sex in the shower, while not a favorite method of mine, has a completely neutral taste if you stick to the upper regions of your partner's sex. If your partner has not showered recently, or has physically exerted herself recently, her taste will be much stronger. This, however, can be a good thing!

Secondly, foreplay will improve upon both the taste and the experience in general if your can get her juices flowing. I have never found an extremely aroused, wet woman to taste unpleasant. Quite the contrary!


Do it! Take your time! Have fun! Experiment! A common male misunderstanding is that females are aroused most through physical contact. Not true. I have aroused women greatly simply by acting sexy. Tension is a wonderful tool, use it. If you can build tension to the point where the barest touch sends electric shivers through both of you, you can't lose! Similarly, even the best love techniques will not turn on a woman who isn't in the mood. (If you can get her in the mood, well then you're talking.)

Take your time, explore your partner (there's a lot more there than nipples and a clitoris!), build tension, have fun.


There are two basic positions that I have found very versitile and succesful. For a very comfortable session, have her lie on her back with legs spread and knees bent slightly. Lie on your stomach between her legs, put your right arm under her left leg and your left arm under her right - somewhat of an intimate hug. Now you should find your head situated conveniently and comfortably near the center of your attention.

Less comfortable, but a bit wilder is the following. Lie on your back, prop a couple of pillows (or fold one over) under your head. Have your partner kneel facing you with one knee on each side of your head, above your shoulders. The sexy part of this position (IMHO) is that your partner can look down at you and watch you eating her out. (Yum) Versatility and comfort are reduced for the giver, so I only occasionally partake in this position.

These are by no means the only positions. Again, experiment, have fun. If you can find a bed where your partner can lie down with her legs dangling off the bed and resting flat on the floor, you're in luck. Now you can have her sit just at the edge of the bed, lie back, and give you plenty of access while you kneel/sit in front of her sex.


Woman are very different in some respects of their genitalia, but the major parts are the same. A woman's sex from the oral sex point of view consists of two sets of lips (outer and inner) that meet just below the vaginal opening and some variable distance above the clitoris; the vaginal opening (immediately above the nether meeting of above-mentioned lips), a smooth section of skin between the vaginal opening and the clitoris (I have no clue as to its technical name, hereafter it will be refered to as the "scav") and the clitoris and its surrounding folds.

If you get the chance, explore your partner in a location with decent lighting. Use your hand to spread her sex and explore her, find out what's where and what's what. Like I said earlier, women are different. Especially the location and shape of the clitoris. It can be buried, protruding, surrounded by many folds of flesh, or hanging out it the open. The best method I have found for finding your partner's clitoris (If all else fails, ask!), is to place a finger at the very base of her sex and gently run it up her scav until you feel a slight bump. That's it.


So your partner is showered, excited and f

Troll 92 of 209 from the annals of the Troll Library [] .

Re:The Art Of Cunnilingus (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447745)

YES YES, Oh god, I've almost cummed!

Ah-hah! (4, Funny) (637314) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447704)

His secret is revealed: The angular velocity of the object equals the square root of Pi, times the gravity divided by the distance the pancake is from the elbow times four - that is how to get the pancake back in the pan.

Seriously, mimicing real life movement in mathematical forumla is a tough one (that's why we don't see any battlemechs [] walking around, or tons of popular robots in every house hold.

PLEASE NOTE (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447779)

Please note that the parent post is infact, not funny at all. It should not be moderated as such. Thankyou.


Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447799)

I would go for interesting, but not funny. Anyone ever play battletech? Yeehah!

Practical Physics 101 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447907)

How to help people to kill other people. Nothing personal, you understand. This is just for the money.,2763,9084 26 ,00.html

Re:Ah-hah! (2, Funny)

Zenjive (247697) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447921)

The angular velocity of the object equals the square root of Pi, times the gravity divided by the distance the pancake is from the elbow times four - that is how to get the pancake back in the pan.

Would that be an African or European swallow?

Re:Ah-hah! (1)

TopShelf (92521) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447937)

For something this (relatively) simply, it works pretty well. It's not like you have to worry about wind drag or something.

Since I have year-old twins that are just starting to eat pancakes, this will come in handy!

Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (5, Informative)

marnanel (98063) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447709)

Americans should bear in mind that what are called "pancakes" in England are called "crepes" in America. What are called "pancakes" in America are called "Scotch pancakes" in the south of England, and "drop scones" in Scotland and the north of England. Meanwhile, "flapjacks" are a kind of oaty biscuit. Confused yet?

Re:Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447730)


In hell, THe English are the cooks, the Italians the engineers, the Germans the police...

In Heaven, The English are the police, the French the cooks, the Germans the engineers...

Actually... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447773)

I think you meant:

In Heaven, the police are British, the lovers are Italian, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, and it's all organized by the Swiss.

In Hell, the police are German, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British, the engineers are French, and it's all organized by the Italians.

Re:Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447798)

And the swedes provides the furnitures!

Amazing Brits... (1, Troll)

jkrise (535370) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447775)

They do research on pancakes, moon mining, curry (chicken tikka masala is the national dish) and other inane "foreign" things. But when it comes to making an Operating System or even choosing one for their schools, they simply turn to America and say, "Give us Microsoft". Amazing.

Re:Amazing Brits... (2, Informative)

Goth Biker Babe (311502) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447830)

Ever heard of RISC OS [] It's been around for about ten years now. It was used widely in schools (until Blair started getting chummy with a certain Mr Gates) on British designed hardware by Acorn. Now-a-days the Brits contribute a lot to the open source community. Alan Cox and Russell King are two notable personalities.

I for one definitely don't say give me microsoft and probably use more european software than american software. My hardware is mainly Taiwanese, Korean or Japanese except for the SGIs. The US is definitely not the fount of all knowledge and technology.

Re:Amazing Brits... (2, Informative)

JimPooley (150814) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447838)

But when it comes to making an Operating System or even choosing one for their schools, they simply turn to America and say, "Give us Microsoft". Amazing.

It was not always the way. After all, business computing began here with the Lyons Electronic Office [] , and in the 80's schools used the BBC Micro [] , developed by Acorn in Cambridge.

The rot didn't set in until the 90s, and a once thriving British computer industry went down the pan. For shame.

I blame the government. It doesn't help when we have a PM keen to lick arse, whether that arse be Bill Gates' or Dubya Bush's.

Re:Amazing Brits... BCPL (3, Informative)

Burb (620144) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447891)

Oh yes, and if you look in your history books you'll find that C owes a lot to a certain language called BCPL developed by Martin Richards at Cambridge University in the 60's ...

Re:Amazing Brits... (5, Funny)

freddled (544384) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447856)

We are having a rest after inventing democracy (o/s for civilisation), the English language (o/s for culture and arguably thinking), Football (conflict resolution and war emulation) and Cricket (cultural add-on for massively-scalar beer drinking in the park).

Re:Amazing Brits... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447967)

except democracy was invented in Greece, football virtually everywhere but Fifa was what - codified the rules first in Belgium.

and cricket? shock horror, cricket was invented by the French.

Re:Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (5, Funny)

Xxanmorph (654953) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447826)

Too much information about other countries! My american brain can't take it!

Re:Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (1)

spectecjr (31235) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447829)

Meanwhile, "flapjacks" are a kind of oaty biscuit. Confused yet?

They weren't always the oaty biscuit (cookie for you 'merkins). Check out the "Schizoid Man" episode of the Prisoner if you want to see how language has evolved :)

Re:Pancakes, crepes, flapjack... (1)

jhunsake (81920) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447943)

Having been in London recently, and yearning for American pancakes, I had no problem finding many restaurants offering American pancakes and calling them... guess what... "pancakes". Looks like we're rewriting English once again.

I'm gonna nit pick. (4, Insightful)

Boss, Pointy Haired (537010) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447711)

It will make sure the pancake will land back in the pan, as long as you understand the formula.

Understanding something does not equate to being able to do it.

I understand how a plane flies, but I can't fly one.

Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (5, Insightful)

ender81b (520454) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447765)

Heh. I'm a line cook here in the US and there is quite a bit more to flipping American Pancakes (I realize english pancakes are somewhat different).

Stuff like how long you wait till you flip it, the perfect angle to get the spatula underneath the pancake (directly parallel to both the grill and the pancake), what to do with blueberry/raspberry/banana/etc pancakes, what to do when the cake sticks, and the rest. I'm sure you could come up with an equation to perfectly predict this and it wouldn't mean a damm thing -- like this one.

I mean you could equally use a formula to try and tell somebody how to flip eggs and it wouldn't meen a damm thing. To train line cooks to flip the proper, and perfect, Over Easy egg requires about 100-200 wasted eggs until you get it down to about 95% of the time -- and that extra 5% is a pain since each egg varies in how much force will require before it breaks, etc and usually requires thousands of eggs before you can go nearly an entire 8 hour shift without breaking at least 1 yolk open. By 'flip' an egg I mean using only your wrist, no sissy spatulas involved. It takes alot of work and effort to learn to do these things which is why almost nobody outside cooks can probably cook eggs or omeletes the *right way*, no spatulas/informercial specials involved.

Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (1)

buswolley (591500) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447837)

but why is it important to flip it in the air?

Exactly. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447842)

The 'right' way?

Like everything else, the right way isn't defined by some sort of educational institution.

Does your method produce edible and tasty omlettes and pancakes?

Then it's the right way, and damned the line cooks.

Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (1)

lordsid (629982) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447924)

i too am a line cook for the university in my area, i found the best way to flip real "pancakes" i.e. american ones is wait till the bottom edges of the pancake start to lightly brown, then hold a spatual upside down, go under the pancake and turn it over to the side, by far the fastest, easiest, and safest way to do it.


on a side note what the hell is wrong with these limeys?

The survey also found half of all those questioned north of the border like cheese in their pancakes. In the West country, pancake lovers had a sweeter tooth, with jam and Golden Syrup the favourites, while 60% of the UK's population still enjoy lemon and sugar on their pancakes.

lemon and sugar?

Re: In England we're real tossers (5, Informative)

Amroarer (645110) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447932)

Well, where I come from, we don't use no spatulas to toss pancakes... (Although some more cautious people do slip them out of the pan onto a plate, then drop them back in upside down.) English pancakes are so wide and thin that a spatula's likely to just tear them. Instead you have to use the showing-off-method.

First you make a circular movement with the pan to ensure that the pancake hasn't stuck and overcome static friction.

Then you tilt the end of the pan down slightly and make a short, sharp inward movement, to get the pancake sliding outwards.

Then you sharply flick the pan up, so that the pancake goes between one and two feet in the air (more if you're feeling cocky) and also spins enough that it lands in the pan the other way up.

I'll be very impressed if they invent a machine which can repeatably toss pancakes. There are an awful lot of variables, which he seems to ignore. But then he is a physicist, not an engineer. ;-)

Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (4, Insightful)

arvindn (542080) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447774)

You are mistaken. [] :

A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on.

Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong."

Knight turned the machine off and on.

The machine worked.

In the same way, the pancake will land back in the pan as long as you understand the formula.

[[Mods, mods: this is supposed to be _funny_. Its not the first time I've posted something hilarious and it got modded "Insightful"]].

Mod up parent (1)

MegaFur (79453) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447881)

I think it's funny and insightful--in a Discordian kind of way.


Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (1, Funny)

Paradise Pete (33184) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447951)

Once you've got to a couple of hundred digits, consider saying in your .sig how many digits you know

So far I'm up to three.

Re:I'm gonna nit pick. (0)

DrMrLordX (559371) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447803)

Once you have your cyber-arm installed, and you have wired reflexes level 3 and a reflex recorder, you can use the formula to pre-program the perfect pancake flip. And a few other things, too . . .

Nice tits (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447713)


MOD PARENT UP!!! (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447720)

It's true, Buttfuck!

[licking lips] (0, Funny)

Nevrar (65761) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447715)

MmMmm... Pancakes...

Mine always land in the pan... (0, Funny)

Jason1729 (561790) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447716)

But then I use a spatula

ProfQuotes []

Sounds good (4, Interesting)

trotski (592530) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447718)

But since most of us geeks are pretty inept when it comes to anything physical, I still think my pancakes gonna land on the floor, no matter what formulas I apply.

Now if we could only have some kind of a pancake flipping robot.....

Re:Sounds good (2, Interesting)

revmoo (652952) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447771)

Now if we could only have some kind of a pancake flipping robot.....

Yes, leave it to geeks to spend thousands of dollars, and countless man-hours developing a machine to flip a pancake over.

Re:Sounds good (1, Informative)

the_pooh_experience (596177) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447978)

block quote of the article:

His theoretical work laid the groundwork for students designing a pancake-tossing machine, which could one day become a feature in every home.

Someone's already in the process of beating you to the punch.

Re:Sounds good (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447981)

Down with stereotyping! I know a whole bunch of geeks who amuse themselves by juggling (and not just the standard pattern with a mere 3 balls either).

Personally I don't juggle. Instead I do martial arts, I bike, and I play the piano. Yeah, all solitary activities - but you wouldn't confuse them with "sitting behind a computer all day" either.

Wanna get it all out early... (-1, Redundant)

Bradee-oh! (459922) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447722)

1. Imagine a beowulf cluster of THOSE crepes!

2. In Soviet Russia, the pancake batter flips YOU!!

3. News for nerds, stuff that MATTERS???

4. Microsoft is evil, needs to stop trying to monopolize our pancakes!

5. ...

6. Profit!!!

Re:Wanna get it all out early... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447870)

That was really lame.

One time (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447723)

I batter splattered in my trousers.

MOD PARENT UP!!! (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447732)

It's true, splattered.

In other news (3, Funny)

djupedal (584558) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447724)

"A pancake in the UK has come up with the mathematical formula for how to flip a physics grad student and have him land correctly back in the pan. The BBC has the details."

Hmmm. (0)

nurightshu (517038) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447783)

Shouldn't that be, "A pancake IN SOVIET RUSSIA..."? :)

Re:Hmmm. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447879)


...formula graduates a pancake.

Or something...

Pancake day was Tuesday (1, Flamebait)

fruey (563914) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447726)

Shrove Tuesday (or pancake day) or "Mardi Gras" was on Tuesday. Why is this not posted until Thursday then? The pancake stories were for pancake day.

I am British BTW, so that means I think pancakes are pancakes, not those HUGE dripping in syrup (I wonder why Americans are overweight) batter mountains that you in the US eat ;-)

p.s. I'm joking, taking a rise... I love US based pancakes although I've only ever eaten them in Haiti at the Villa Creole. But it's a statistical fact that the average American is overweight and I'm sure all this oversize stuff you do is the cause of it.

Re:Pancake day was Tuesday (0, Flamebait)

G-funk (22712) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447758)

The average american isn't the only one overweight. So are the english and us aussies. Americans eat a lot of sweet stuff, and they eat bigger serves than we do, but the english tend to use gallons of lard when cooking at home whereas americans and aussies would use a little margarine. Basically, your average westerner is a fat prick, no matter what country you're in.

Re:Pancake day was Tuesday (1)

fruey (563914) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447772)

OK but let's just say that the average American is just a bit lardier than your average Brit or Aussie. I've been to the US and am from the UK, so I can reasonably say that the heavier were the US people. Never been to Oz though, can only quote David Boon and Shane Warne as examples of lardy people who qualify as "athletes" almost in Oz.

British women are on the lardy side though, I'll give you that.

Are Americans fat? (1)

fantomas (94850) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447804)

ok this is geekland! Somebody provide a reference rather than "your nation stinks more than my nation!" (oh ok it is /. I spose).

Come on then, somebody dig up stats, are the good people of the US the fattest in the world? or at least how do they compare with UK, and Oz, and say the French and Italians, and err, I dunno, some other non Western country, Japan? Egypt?

I'd love to know where the USA is on an international scale, say of % of inhabitants overweight...

Re:Are Americans fat? (1)

Jus ad Bellum (592236) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447840)

Well last when I was in Vegas for a Bach. Party the line up for the Champagne (wonder if they still promote this right now with the anti-French attitude?) Buffet wasn't quite a shining example of Americain Physical Education class. Not that all Americain people are overweight. But I think that being one of the most affluent contries in the world lends itself to overindulgence.

Here are some stats. /obese/obse99.htm

Re:Pancake day was Tuesday (0, Offtopic)

G-funk (22712) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447979)

You don't follow cricket do you? Warney was fat, but he's a friggen axe now... And booney was a flamin champion! Holy crap can he drink :)

Of course the night i saw merv drinking in a pub only to find he drinks not XXXX, not VB or melbourne, not even (shudder) fosters, but CORONA... well that shattered my faith in the order of the world.

No. (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447848)

It's not the oversized portions.

It's the fact that we're lazy pigs, waddling in our own mess. (Yeah, I'm an American, I'm allowed to say that.)

We sit at desk jobs from nine to five, then drive three blocks home from work in an SUV, and sit on the couch, or in front of the computer. Finally, we go directly to bed. Do not pass Exercise Bike. Do not burn 200 calories.

Waddayamean, Troll!?!?! (2, Interesting)

Omni-Cognate (620505) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447929)

This is one of the least trollish comments I've read on this thread (though that isn't saying much). This guy just described my life spot on. I'm neither American nor fat, but in both cases I can only thank my parents. There but for the grace of god go I.

Considering this is an article about one of the many traditional annual face-stuffing days westerners celebrate, it's hardly trolling to point out how many people have, or think they have, no time to get any excercise.

Stressed-out, over-fed, under-excercised = early death. The solution is not to diet (=less food, but more stress and still no excercise), but to get plenty of excercise (helps with stress, and you can eat all you like because your body turns it into muscle or motion rather than fat).

In my final year at university, I quit smoking and started swimming just under a mile four times a week. It was the best six months of my life - I was relaxed, I had plenty of energy, muscles even started appearing! Then the exams came along, followed by life as a code-monkey, and here I am smoking, lazy, stressed and eating like a vacuum cleaner. Time to resurrect that lapsed gym membership, I think.

Butter! (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447733)

If you butter both sides, will it land on its edge?

A better question, what if you butter the edge as well?

Re:Butter! (2, Funny)

$$$exy Gwen Araujo (654821) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447757)

A better question, what if you butter the edge as well? It spins indefinately? Seriously, butter some bread and attach it to a cat, then throw it up in the air. Cats always land on their feet, but bread always lands butter side down, so the cat/bread combination will spin round and round indefinately. Have you ever been inside a power plant?

Re:Butter! (5, Funny)

Ashtead (654610) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447857)

Actually, the study of bread falling off table was taking into account the starting position which is on the table and with the buttered side up. Seems the height of the table and the inertial torque of the bread conspire to make it roll somewhere between 1/4 and 3/4 turns, and therefore fall face down more often than not. With subsequent need for cleanup. If the table had been about twice as tall as a standard table (60 in instead of 30 in) the pieces of bread would have time to tumble one full turn and thus fall face up.

Falling cats are famously able to turn around and land on their feet. Unless the height of the fall is too large, the cat has no problems with that. I forgot the exact conditions of falling cats, but they are able to turn around in a fall in a lot less than the 30 inches down from a table.

If the two were to be combined and the cat has a piece of bread strapped to it, it is the cat that prevails, being more active, heavier, and having a larger moment of inertia.

I'd imagine that the same would apply to pancakes, and I have disregarded the risk of the cat eating the food.

Shrove Tuesday (why the BBC ran the story then) (5, Informative)

WebfishUK (249858) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447734)

Not sure about other countries but last Tuesday (4th) was Shrove Tuesday in the UK when we all make pancakes. For the religious amongst you the word 'Shrove' refers to the practice of confessing of sins, then afterwards the fast of Lent could be considered a penance of faults committed. Thats why the BBC ran the story on Tuesday. However, most of us just love eating the pancakes!

Re:Shrove Tuesday (why the BBC ran the story then) (3, Informative)

HumanXX (625059) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447909)

Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, the period of 40 days leading upto Easter where people would originally go without eating various dairy products for that period. History was that people would use up all the eggs, and milk in the house, so someone came upon the idea of making pancakes.

I made some cracking pancakes on Tuesday, my special recipe involves grating bits of lemon and lime rind into the batter, mmmmm, that citrus flavour flows all through the pancakes, nice.

I am not religious but it is always useful to know about as many different religions as possible as this gives you many excuses to feast, well that and setting off lots of fireworks.

Yet another pancake formula?? (1)

Black Copter Control (464012) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447736)

Well, that's flippin' useless!

The next equation... (1)

Kierthos (225954) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447740)

...will involve the physics equations for guarenteeing that a cat will land on it's feet.


Problem already solved (3, Funny)

psyki (653079) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447741)

The pancake problem has already been solved... What, haven't you seen the infomercial for the Pancake Pro? []

Make Perfect Pancakes every time! Now you can create mouth-watering pancakes that cook in an instant in this special two-sided pan. Just pour in your favorite batter, close, cook and flip--no spatula needed!

yes, but what about ham and jam? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447743)

we dine well here in Camelot
we eat ham and jam and spam a lot

Dozens of TV cooking personalities... (5, Funny)

_RidG_ (603552) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447750)

Dozens of TV cooking-show personalities weep in rage as this brave student unravels the greatest mystery of all time, thereby rendering their shows wholly irrelevant and useless. Emeril personally promises to track down this kid and "kick his balls up a notch." Stay tuned to Fox News as this story continues to develop.

*flashy logo jumps onto the screen*


*The camera cuts back to the weird-looking anchor Fox News always has. He smiles reassuringly, and gives you the thumbs up, proudly exclaiming, "This is Fox News! We are covering all the stories other news stations are too smart to cover!"*

Extra points if anyone can spot the Onion reference :)

Re: Your Sig (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447807)

Off-topic- Just wanted to mention that your sig quote should be from George Bernard Shaw, but it only appears as George Bernard. You may wish to truncate it to G.B. Shaw in order to get his full name to fit. That is all.

Big problem.... (1, Funny)

tonywestonuk (261622) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447751)

It's pritty difficult to toss a pancake, and work a calculator at the same time! :-)

Tiddlywinks (1)

arvindn (542080) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447753)

There is a serious game (with tournaments and all) which is somewhat similar to this. It's called tiddlywinks []

Apparently it's all in the wrist action... (4, Funny)

Boss, Pointy Haired (537010) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447754)

So no problem for most geeks then...

Re:Apparently it's all in the wrist action... (1)

sc00p18 (536811) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447906)

Dude, who taught you how to type? You're really not supposed to move your wrists.

Is that.... (3, Funny)

Highwayman (68808) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447760)

Is that Hans Blix in the article's photo? I long have expected the UK to be in possession of a proscribed pancake making machine able of launching a pancake in excess of 150km. In other news, Rumsfeld demands accounting for 1.5 tons of missing pancake batter.

Re:Is that.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447945)

Actually is a MP. The British parliament has a pancake race every year for charity.

Hah! What about the wrist? (0, Funny)

the bluebrain (443451) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447766)

... is what I want to know.
These guys wouldn't know their elbows from their asses, the way it sounds. "It's all in the wrist" is a rule well-known to tennis players, golfers, and come to think of it, other, uh ... sportsmen. Um.

I'll stop my rant there, I think.

Not again! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447767)

In Soviet Russia, Pancake flips you!

BBC doesn't understand it (4, Informative)

panurge (573432) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447768)

The BBC quotes a garbled version of the equation (haven't they got an equation setter? cheapskates) but clearly don't understand what it means.

AFAIUI it simply means that the pancake needs to spin at such a rate that it will flip 180 degrees between leaving the pan and returning. Given that it will not fall back flat unless the flip is 180n degrees, n integral, this is pretty blindingly obvious.

Unfortunately, the equation is just that and doesn't tell you how to achieve flip rate nirvana. So here is my guide:

  • First, use a nonstick pan with a gently sloping edge.
  • Second, use just enough oil to ensure the crepe can slide around smoothly.
  • Third, in order to flip, start by lowering the far edge of the pan so the crepe starts to slide towards the edge.
  • Then, as the crepe reaches the edge, rotate the elbow upwards so that the crepe slides off the edge in an upward direction. This provides the spin. The speed doesn't need to be too high. As the crepe flips over, catch it with the pan horizontal.
  • Start with small crepes and build up.
  • When I was first shown this technique in a creperie in Normandy, by the end of the evening I could flip them up to ceiling height and still recover them.
Creperies that use precooked crepes made on industrial conveyor belts are of course beyond the pale.

Re:BBC doesn't understand it (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447823)

Given that it will not fall back flat unless the flip is 180n degrees, n integral, this is pretty blindingly obvious.

... I would further suggest that n is odd, or your guests will probably not be asking for a second round.

Re:BBC doesn't understand it (1)

panurge (573432) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447886)

Thank you for the correction. It's nice to know there is intelligent life out there.

now that we know the formula.... (1)

frovingslosh (582462) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447777)

A physics grad student in the UK has come up with the mathematical formula ...... The BBC has the details."

Sure, knowing the formula is exactly the same things as being able to do is, but didn't anyone else notice that they didn't actually give this "formula" that they claim is so important?

Re:now that we know the formula.... (1)

CProgrammer98 (240351) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447843)

umm yes they did. just wasn't written in matheamatical notation...

"The angular velocity of the object equals the square root of Pi, times the gravity divided by the distance the pancake is from the elbow times four - that is how to get the pancake back in the pan. " and...
"The 21-year-old explained the formula: "'W' is the angular velocity of the pancake, 'g' represents gravity and 'r' is the distance from the pivot - the elbow - to the centre of the pancake"

so w=sqrt(pi)g/4r

Never ending pancakes (0)

ufoman (544261) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447787)

Will IHOP use this new technology?

Taking as someone who can't flip (1)

rf0 (159958) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447788)

On shorve Tuesday I did try my best to flip pancakes the traditional way I found that I can't flip. What I really needed was something like the JML all american pancake maker. Bascially a frying pan with a lid that you can turn over. Now that would be cool

- Who really needs his first cup of coffee -

MIT did it first ... (2, Informative)

droopycom (470921) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447793)

...although less spectacular

In Soviet Russia... (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447796)

Pancakes flip you!

I just ordered the Perfect Pancake Maker too! (-1)

cdf12345 (412812) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447800)


damn infomercials....

Once (1, Funny)

Matrix2110 (190829) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447813)

I tried flipping a pancake, Once.

The ensuing mess encouraged me not to try it again. (Nothing ruins the meal more than cleaning up a half-cooked pancake off the floor)

If these guys can come up with some sort of mess free "practice pancake" kit with detailed instructions that can be read without a degree in math. I would be very interested.

re: story (2, Funny)

prell (584580) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447824)

if I ever get another story rejected by slashdot, I'll shoot myself

Finally.... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447852)

Finally physics research that has some practical use!

ob micro$oft connection (1, Funny)

limbop (201955) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447862)

Apparently this guy isn't the only one interested in pancake flipping. Take a look at this paper [] entitled "Bounds for sorting by prefix reversal" (AKA Pancake flipping problem) co-published by one William H. Gates...

umm.. (-1, Offtopic)

Bumpy bits (586242) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447874)


I'm giving it all she's got, Captain. If I push it any harder, the whole thing'll blow!



http://www.stinsv .com/WIn/Xmas/blow.wav

and the Fark headline will add: (-1, Offtopic)

Tumbleweed (3706) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447877)

...still no cure for cancer.

at last (-1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5447880)

i can now finish my pancake simulator

err (5, Interesting)

Geaty (654469) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447917)

The angular velocity of the object equals the square root of Pi, times the gravity divided by the distance the pancake is from the elbow times four

hmm . . . I notice that this formula does not factor in mass of the pancake. this makes me wonder, being not-so-smart in physics, would this formula apply for any size pancake?? and how about objects other than pancakes? could I flip say, a thanksgiving turkey and still have it land perfectly in the pan, using this formula??

and why do Scots like cheese in their pancakes?? don't they know the proper way to do anything is the American way, i.e. sugar and syrup??

Bored and tired minds want to know!!

This is what Brits have to say about it (5, Interesting)

Nemosoft Unv. (16776) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447949)

I asked a (native) British collegue about it, and this was his reply:

Ahh the wonders of pancacke day or as the French call it Mardi Gras Fat tuesday. This is the day before the start of Lent (crazy Christian starvation festival, preparing mind and body for the Easter celebrations etc). Typically people used to use up all their fatty things on this day such as butter, eggs and lard [] etc, coz it was not the done thing to be eating lard cakes when everybody else was eating celery.

Thus the pancake tradition started. Of course, all the religous nonsense has largely disappeared but the pancakes remain in British Culture.

As far as the tossing equation goes, thats just the work of a whacked out English ale swilling academics, and is an essential part of British inventiveness and ingenuity. (You can't make great discoveries all of the time)

Hope that helps and thank you for your interest in Britain.


Okaaaaaay, (5, Funny)

DongleFondle (655040) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447974)

I do believe it is time that someone introduced Europe to the concept of the 'spatula'. We sort a solved this whole pancakes on the floor dilehma a looooooooong time ago . . .
You know what? While we're at it, let's give China forks and spoons.

This needs more salt errr...variables (1, Funny)

Aropax20 (636154) | more than 11 years ago | (#5447976)

Did these guys code up a VirtualFrypan (better trademark that before Apple can) and screw around with a few simple variables or something?

I mean, don't you have to factor in the surface of the frypan? What about teflon versus some tatty old iron pan? Did they butter or oil it first and if so, how much?

What about the consistency of the batter and the right moment at which to flip it? I'm no Pancake Scientist but I bet a realllllly runny pancake is more likely to splatter the ceiling than one with the fluid dynamics of week-old oatmeal

A "conundrum that has taxed pancake flippers since the dawn" (dawn of time, or yesterday morning?) needs a rigid set of controls in place!

Maybe they need to determine the perfect recipe before firing up that stove?

oh well, back to the chopping board...

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