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Square Enix Standalone TV Sword Mayhem

simoniker posted about 11 years ago | from the hack-n-slash-n-hack-n-slash dept.

Games 41

Sodakar writes "Square Enix announced today that they will be releasing the latest game in their popular Dragon Quest series in Japan on September 19th, for 6,980 yen (around $50). Not only are you required to swing a sword controller at the screen in order to defeat the enemy, the game doesn't require a console - the sword plugs directly into the TV via A/V cables. Here's some photos of the system, and the official news page. I'll be looking forward to a news blurb about some kid stabbing his TV."

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New parenting nightmare (2, Funny)

mhesseltine (541806) | about 11 years ago | (#6369254)

Mom: Quit playing that game and go do your homework

Kid (using sword attached to TV): n0 w4y! SuX0r! ph34r m3!! (Kid begins swinging sword violently at mother)

Alternate scenario: mom grabs sword attached to TV and whips kid's monkey a$$ with it

Re:New parenting nightmare (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 11 years ago | (#6369899)

Is this really funny?

Re:New parenting nightmare (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 11 years ago | (#6370135)


Re:New parenting nightmare (0)

Ty (15982) | about 11 years ago | (#6370301)

Are you funny?

Re:New parenting nightmare (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 11 years ago | (#6378860)


And in related news... (1)

TripleA (232889) | about 11 years ago | (#6369265)

Joe McFat sues a local import company after breaking his own 100 pound right arm while attempting to swing a small plastic sword.

Re:And in related news... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 11 years ago | (#6370585)

no wonder you never get modded up, you are too stupid.

Dragon Quest 8? (1)

neostorm (462848) | about 11 years ago | (#6369283)

When they say "latest in the series" I believe they're just referring to another game with the DQ label. This definitely isn't Dragon Quest 8...

But still.... Cool!
When are they going to come out with the real-life magic spells in place of the in game ones? Hey, it just makes it that much more immersive...

Magic spells (3, Interesting) (629916) | about 11 years ago | (#6369649)

Not exactly real-life, but it would be fun if I can do magic spells with a voice-recognition system.

Re:Magic spells (3, Funny)

Synic (14430) | about 11 years ago | (#6370901)

"I cast magic missile!"
"At what?? There's nothing there!"
"At the darkness!"

Re:Magic spells (2, Funny)

suraklin (28841) | about 11 years ago | (#6370955)

Am I drunk yet?

Re:Magic spells (2, Interesting)

Lord_Dweomer (648696) | about 11 years ago | (#6373235)

"Not exactly real-life, but it would be fun if I can do magic spells with a voice-recognition system."

Actually, I always thought it would be cooler if you could have gloves that would track hand movements in game. And to cast spells, you had to perform the somatic components of the spell. It'd be even cooler if your character mimicked your movements, even if they weren't correct, so you could watch and make new spells/practice old spells.

Re:Magic spells (1)

Suicide (45320) | about 11 years ago | (#6374688)

Whoa, a use for the Powerglove...

Re:Magic spells (1)

Lord_Dweomer (648696) | about 11 years ago | (#6374734)

"Whoa, a use for the Powerglove..."

I know you were only joking...but the powerglove would not be feasible since it simply translated certain movements into button presses. Basically a glorified controller. What I'm talking about would be a glove that would translate movement into ingame movement and have the game react to the movements accordingly. You slash a certain does your character. Hold a gun with two of these gloves, and suddenly CS gets a whole new level of realism.

Physical Limitations (1)

Hellraisr (305322) | about 11 years ago | (#6369322)

The player will be limited by how long he/she can hold that thing before his/her arm falls off.

Plastic is not heavy but after about 20 minutes it will feel like it weights 200 lbs

You call that a sword? (1)

kherr (602366) | about 11 years ago | (#6369430)

That's not a sword. Now this is a sword [] !

Re:You call that a sword? (2, Funny)

bad_fx (493443) | about 11 years ago | (#6370575)

Hah! That's not a sword! This is a sword!! []

Re:You call that a sword? (1)

th3space (531154) | about 11 years ago | (#6371287)

"I see you've played Knifey-Spooney before!"

*the above is a (possibly marred) simpsons quote...obligatory, of course.*

Re:You call that a sword? (1)

th3space (531154) | about 11 years ago | (#6371328)

mod me down for not having read *all* posts first...stupid acting before thinking.

Re:You call that a sword? (2, Funny)

psyco484 (555249) | about 11 years ago | (#6370583)

"You call that a knife!? That's not a knife, this is a knife!"

"That's not a knife! That's a spoon."

"Oh, I see you've played knifey spoony before"

--Like I really need to cite my source, if you don't know this one, get out...

Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (1)

ex_ottoyuhr (607701) | about 11 years ago | (#6369506)

Anyone else having doubts about the collective sanity of a certain supposedly large and powerful company?

Someone, please, for the sake of the last of my childhood memories, tell me that this is a hoax! First Lucas rapes the Star Wars franchise, then Link's head mushrooms to Charlie Brown proportions, now this! How will I ever play Chrono Trigger with a straight face again, after Square releases a gimmicky controller?

Oh, wait a second, it's Dragon Quest. Just "Clueless-R-Us" Enix at its usual antics again.

Now if only Square hadn't gotten so desperate as to merge with them...

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (1)

Alaric42 (50725) | about 11 years ago | (#6369524)

Clueless or not, if you make a title that can sell 3 or 4 million in a week in Japan, you have a fair amount of clout. Final Fantasy titles generally do about half that.

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (0)

77Punker (673758) | about 11 years ago | (#6369568)

What's wrong with Enix? I've thoroughly enjoyed Dragon Warrior VII and Star Ocean 2, and I'll probably buy that sword game too.

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (1)

IIRCAFAIKIANAL (572786) | about 11 years ago | (#6369833)

I'll probably buy that sword game too

Only if you import it :) i seriously doubt they would release something this goofy AND niche market oriented in America.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to playing dragon warrior vii...

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (2, Interesting)

iq in binary (305246) | about 11 years ago | (#6371436)

Just like they wouldn't bring something as goofy as Pokemon over.

You'd be real surprised at the wierd shit they've managed to sell billions of to American customers.

Dance Dance: Revolution, anyone? It's up to the 6th remix so far and still selling like coke in California.

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (1)

Daetrin (576516) | about 11 years ago | (#6373900)

Dance Dance: Revolution, anyone? It's up to the 6th remix so far and still selling like coke in California.

Exactly. If they want to get it to really sell in the US all they need to do is to modify it into a fighting type game for the arcades and start selling the home version once that becomes popular.

Re:Ackbar's Perephrials: Not Zapper knock-offs (2, Funny)

sladelink (536962) | about 11 years ago | (#6369639)

Who knows, maybe Square will throw in some lame characters and a bad love story, then retitle it "Final Fantasy XII".

KAWAII!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 11 years ago | (#6369541)

I need that fuckin' sword or my live won't go on!!! 7000Yen? No problem!!!

Hurrah (1)

EdMack (626543) | about 11 years ago | (#6369842)

Now we can all act out our favourite Highlander episodes, and score points. Neato!

And of course, video games do not effect children

The graphics are horrendous!!!! (1)

Hellraisr (305322) | about 11 years ago | (#6369989)

The are terrible even compared to the Gameboy Advance

Re:The graphics are horrendous!!!! (1)

Riff10111 (30276) | about 11 years ago | (#6371316)

Remember, this isn't a real console game - it's a plugs-directly-into-the-tv device. The graphics aren't that bad compared to other such devices.

Some kid stabbing his tv.... (1)

Dr Reducto (665121) | about 11 years ago | (#6370001)

Or some kid stabbing himself. That oughta learn 'em.

Linux (3, Funny)

jnguy (683993) | about 11 years ago | (#6370041)

Hey, its another game system, lets put linux on that!!! I'll give you 100,000 to do it :)

Great Idea (1)

Crashmarik (635988) | about 11 years ago | (#6370102)

I want one that will let me decapitate news casters and political commentators in real time.

A first Date (2, Funny)

Picass0 (147474) | about 11 years ago | (#6372296)

A geek (by some amazing act of god) gets a hot chick to come home with him. They head straight for his mom's basement.

Hottie: Oooo... baby! It's so.. dark.. in here. Um, I just stepped on an action figure.

Geek: (add slupping braces lisp) Carded or loose?!? Ah shit! It was Boba Fett with the closed circle!!!

Geek takes a moment to dry to tears from his freshly taped glasses)

Hottie: [awkward silence] Sorry. Um, there's your sofa. (coyly) Maybe we could watch something romantic on TV!!!

Geek: Oh yeah!!! And I could show you my sword!!

Hottie: What the Fuck!?! You assume a lot!

Geek: No wait! Let me get it out! I'll teach you how to handle it!!!

Hottie: You sick little shit! I'm leaving.

Geek: No wait! I've got it on now! You should come play with it!!!

The amazing babe leaves, the geek and his videogame sword stand alone in silence

Geek: Fuck. So I guess she's not gonna chat with me in everquest anymore. [pause] Oh well, guess I'll jerk off now!

Stolen from Sega (2, Interesting)

Eevee (535658) | about 11 years ago | (#6372370)

Anyone remember how you could use the Bass Fishing controller with Soul Calibur to control the weapons? Give yourself plenty of room and slash away.

(Well, to be honest, I don't; because I could never justify buying a special controller for a fishing game. Maracas, on the other hand...those I wish I had bought a second set.)

no one will buy it.. (3, Insightful)

Suppafly (179830) | about 11 years ago | (#6372392)

These self contained games that plug directly into the tv tend to not sell well at all. It might be different in japan, but in the us, these kinds of things are really only bought by people who don't have and can't afford a regular game system. They have deer hunting and fishing games like this at Target all the time. The display models are usually broken after a couple of days and then people lose interest.

Re:no one will buy it.. (in the US) (2, Informative)

mowph (642278) | about 11 years ago | (#6379437)

There is one other major audience: mothers who want to quiet their kids about getting a Dra-Que (Dragon Quest) game, but who don't want their kids to have a system. Once the system is installed, the kids can resort to the "we have a system but no games" argument. Incidentally, these direct-plug games are fairly popular in Japan, (they gotta come from somewhere!) especially sports and karaoke games.

Console add-on? (1)

Daetrin (576516) | about 11 years ago | (#6373924)

I know it plugs directly into the tv, but i wonder if they could get it to interface with a console so they could release additional games later. It would be an interesting way to get around the chicken and egg problem normally faced by new peripherals.

Sorta cool (0)

N10sb2002 (678259) | about 11 years ago | (#6374824)

What if the next Zelda were like this. It could be like a cross between this and the Final Fantasy X-2 GunCon type controller in Japan. It would hook up to the GameCube (or whatever is out by then) and have all of the buttons. It could work for Soul Caliber as well. It would be like a GunCon controller.

Typo (0)

N10sb2002 (678259) | about 11 years ago | (#6374837)

It is supposed to be Soul Calibur . I knew that there was something wrong.
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