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Comcast Offers Trial Of Microsoft TV Software

simoniker posted more than 10 years ago | from the here-cably-cably-cably dept.

Television 194

Anonymous Howard writes "Designtechnica has a news article about Comcast and Microsoft announcing an agreement to test digital TV services using the "Microsoft TV Interactive Program Guide (IPG)". The trial is scheduled to start this fall using Motorola DCT2000 set-top boxes. The software is designed to help network operators get more value from on-demand and other digital TV services." There are some more details in an article over at CNET News.

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GNAA FP!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494687)

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If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

This post brought to you by a proud member of GNAA
| ______________________________________._a,____ |
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ |
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ |
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ |
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` _______________________________________________'
-GNAA member 'penisbird'

PENISBIRD IS A FAG (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494694)

In other news, penisbird likes to have gay sex with children he is an active member of nambla []


Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494754)

lets see.. GNAA = GAY NIGGERS.. and penisbird, being a member of the GNAA being GAY, wow what a SHOCKER!

The Life and Times of a Cum-Queen (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494988)

Hello. My name is Linda, and I'm 24 years old. I am about 5
foot 7 inches tall, and weigh somewhere around 125 pounds,
depending on when you catch me. My measurements are 36C, 24, 35.
I have dark black hair, and I guess you could say I'm pretty good
looking, as I've never had any trouble attracting men. My eyes
are green, and my best feature is probably my tits, although many
guys also like my legs, which I keep trim and lean with a lot of
bicycling and jogging. I have a master's degree, income of over
$75,000 a year, own my own home and closets full of expensive and
luxurious clothes, all of which I bought myself, thank you. I
work for a large company in a major metropolitan area, and am
pretty outgoing and friendly.

Now, with that out of the way, I thought I'd let you know why
I decided to put down some of my sexual experiences on paper.

I've been sexually active since I was 15, from the first
tentative petting and groping around with guys in high school,
through various torrid affairs in college, and up to several
fairly good and satisfying relationships since I graduated. I am
not seeing any one particular man right now, but that's more or
less the way I want it.

You might say that I have a particular fetish. I love semen.
Sperm. Jizz. Cum. Jizzum. Whatever you care to call it, I love
it. I love the feeling of cum on my body, almost anywhere I can
feel it. I love the warm, wet, sticky feeling it leaves me with.
I love the smell, the starchy, kind of acrid odor it has
(although that varies from guy to guy). I love the feeling of it.
I just love the thought of semen, and the fact that it's my
attractiveness that makes a guy come. I love watching guys jerk
off for me, and the more the merrier!

Most of my early sexual experiences were jerking a guy off,
or better yet, watching him do it himself, and the sight of
that cock pulsing and then the little eye opening up and the
semen spurting out just turns me on no end. And I think I'm
different from most women in that regard.

Most of my girlfriends seem to get all goofy at the thought of
a guy's cum. They think it's messy or icky or something, and usually,
in some manner, remove it from their bodies as soon as they can,
either by rushing to the bathroom and holding their pussy lips open
and dripping it all into the toilet, or wiping it off with a sheet or
towel or something. NOT ME! I love the feeling of cum.

I can feel it when a guy comes in my pussy. I feel every
shot, if it's strong enough. But I must admit, I'd rather see it
than feel it. So I don't complain if the guy wants to pull out
and come on my pubes or belly or wherever. When he does, I love
to rub it around with my finger and feel it spreading over my
skin. I shave my pussy lips and most of the hair around there,
and just leave a little patch up top of my mound. I guess over
the years I've rubbed gallons of semen into my skin, and I hope
to be doing it for many years to come (no pun intended!).

Several guys I've dated liked to watch porno movies with me,
and if you've ever seen one, you know that the highlight of them
invariably is when the man pulls out of whatever hole he happens
to be in and jerks off on the girl or girls with him. I'm not
sure why the 'cum-shot' is so necessary, but I guess it has to do
with enhancing the visual aspect of the fucking. Somehow, having
the camera come in for a close-up on some gal's pussy and
watching the cum drip out of it just doesn't seem to do the
trick. I've read some comments on porno movies that talk about
how dumb the cum shot is , and how it's not realistic, but hell,
the entire concept of an adult movie is fantasy, not reality,

My favorite kind of cum-shot scene is when the guy sperms on
a girl's face. I've kind of made a hobby of analyzing the various
girl's reactions to the shots, and its really kind of
interesting. Some girls turn their heads or lean back, as if
they're afraid to get any of it on them. Others seem to really
look forward to it, and you can tell they enjoy getting creamed.
I say, if they're in that business, then you'd think they get off
on all that cum and it's surprising how some of them can fuck and
suck with total abandon, and yet when the guy cums towards their
face, they duck out of the way. There's one male actor in
particular who I've seen in a bunch of movies, I think his name
is Peter North, who comes like no one I've ever seen before. I've
seen him splatter some girls who are lucky they didn't drown in
the stuff. The trouble with most guys I've seen is that they
can't control where they shoot once they start - they spray the
cum all over the place, and you're lucky if half of it lands on
the target!

Anyway, like I said, I like watching 'face-cums', which I
guess is odd for a woman. I understand they're popular with many
guys. The only thing I like better than watching face-cums is

I think I'd rather have cum on my face than anywhere
else on or in my body. For one thing, it turns the guy's on
tremendously, and me too. The first time I ever got sperm on my
face was almost by accident. We were fucking along, and somehow
just as the guy started to cum, we got disconnected. His cock
popped out of my pussy and he grabbed it and jerked on it and his
first big shot came out and hit me right on the mouth! I jumped
in surprise and could just lay there as he pumped the rest of his
cum out on my belly and tits. But I licked my lips and loved the
smooth, hot feel of his cum on me there. Sure, I'd given blow
jobs for a long time, and was never squeamish about swallowing
the cum if the guy wanted me to do that, but usually the cock was
way back in my mouth when it came, and I never tasted it or

Well, that kind of got me into it. Now, I much prefer my men
to pull out and come up and explode all over my face if they can.
I enjoy regular fucking and usually climax easily. But nothing
tops a good round of lovemaking like having your partner show his
appreciation by pumping a wad or two or three of hot, salty cum
on your face. When that happens, I can feel my pussy walls
contract and sometimes, but not always, I even have another
orgasm. I rub the semen into my skin and lick it from my fingers
if there's enough. I love to lay there for a few moments
afterwards and feel it drying and cooling on my skin.

I've had cum in my mouth, on my lips, cheeks, chin, nose,
forehead, neck, throat, eyes (it stings sometimes!), hair, boobs,
belly, pubes, ass, back, legs, and feet. Except for places like
between my shoulder blades on my back and maybe the soles of my
feet, I think I've at some point or another had sperm on almost
every part of my body. I even had one guy cum in my ear - now
that was bizarre! I've had cum in my pussy, but never in my ass.
My ass just isn't very sensitive to sexual play, I guess. I've
had guys finger me there, but I didn't find it pleasurable, so
I've never let anyone fuck me in the ass.

Sometimes at work if I'm daydreaming or thinking about sex, I
like to imagine scenes of guys I see around me ejaculating on my
face. I don't usually date guys where I work, because I have a
feeling that my little fetish might get me in trouble around here
- the management is very conservative, and if they knew they had
a mid-level employee who went around encouraging men to plant
seeds on her face, they might not take it too kindly. Too bad for

Men are strange sometimes. They seem to love it when you let
them come on your face, but they can't stand the idea of some
other man doing to you. I told one guy I was dating, only half-
joking, that I'd like for him to get about half a dozen guys to
come home and fuck me some night, and I'd want each of them to
cum on my face. He just about went crazy - he said that that was
stupid and there's no way he'd ever let me do that. This from a
guy who not 2 minutes earlier had pumped a massive load of jizz
all over my cheek. I said that he had a lot of nerve telling me
that he wouldn't let ME do it, after all it was my face I wanted
wet, not his. But he just couldn't handle it, so we kind of broke
up soon after that. I secretly hope his current girlfriend, if he
has one, doesn't let him cum anywhere but up her pussy, and then
she washes it out right away. It'd serve him right.

But, to get back to my main reason for writing this little
tale, I thought it might be a kick to think about some of the
better splashings I've had, tell you about them, and offer some
advice to you ladies out there who may read this to help you
adapt to a VERY SEXY new wrinkle in your relationships. I know
that some of you may be a bit hesitant about this, (as I was) but
I guarantee that once you get into it, it becomes a very arousing
event. And your men will love it!

I just stopped for a few minutes and tried to think back and
calculate the number of times I've gotten creamed in the last
year. This counts multiple times by the same partner, too. It was
over 70. I keep a diary of my appointments and dates, so as I
went back over my evenings and days with some of my men friends,
I found myself remembering the events fairly well, although a lot
of it has tended to blend together. I'll try to highlight the
most memorable ones for you all here, and I hope I can remember
the best parts.

Last June I was seeing a man named Tony, a professional
designer. He was kinda sexy and handsome, but not an Adonis by
any stretch of the imagination. But he had a wonderful sense of
humor and was very honest and open with me, and I liked that. We
knew almost from the start that we probably wouldn't get really
serious romantically, but we had a good time together, and that's
what we both wanted. One evening after a show and a nice dinner,
we went back to his place and had sex for about three hours. I
sucked him, he sucked me, we fucked and just in general wore
ourselves out. He ate my pussy for about 45 minutes, and I must
have come about 10 times. Finally I got too sensitive and I had
to make him stop. I rolled him over and got my mouth around his
cock. His cock was not too long, about 6 or 7 inches, I guess,
but it had a nice shape and was always clean and fresh. (That's
another thing that I forgot to tell you about, guys, if you want
a woman to stick her face all over your cock, make sure it's
clean and doesn't smell like you haven't washed for a week!). His
balls were nice, rolling around in his scrotum under my fingers.
I sucked his shaft in all the way and pumped my mouth up and down
for a while. He put his hands in my hair and guided me up and
down, so I knew how fast or slow he wanted to go. Then I stopped
for a second to catch my breath, and I asked him if he wanted to
cum this way. Evidently it's very sexy for a man to hear a woman
say "Do you want to cum in my mouth?" because he just groaned and
said "Oh god yes" or something like that.

So I flipped over on my back and pulled him up straddling my
boobs and put a pillow behind my head. I reached around him and
grabbed his ass-cheeks and pulled him back into my mouth. I had
the tip of his cock in just past my lips, and could tighten my
lips just past the edge of his glans. Then I started jerking the
rest of his cock, pumping it into my mouth. I was looking up at
him, and he was looking down at me, and I could tell that I had
him completely in my power. I could have stopped and told him to
jump out the window and he would have. I could feel his shaft
pulsing and getting ready to cum, and his ass tightened up and
then I felt the first spurt of cum back in my mouth. I quickly
pulled his cock out and held it up to my face, still jerking. He
shot out 6 or 7 spurts of cum, and it went up my face, over my
eyes and into my forehead and everywhere. I could feel it on my
lips and chin and across the bridge of my nose, too.

I came again, a small one, but nice nonetheless, when he did.
Finally he stopped shooting and I just rubbed the head of his
cock around on my face, spreading the warm sperm around and
smoothing it into my skin. I swallowed the bit I had in my mouth,
and then opened my mouth and showed him that it was all gone. He
leaned down and kissed me, and stuck his tongue in where his cock
had just been. That was nice. I spent the rest of the night with
him, and ended up the next day with his cum in my pussy, on my
stomach, on my boobs, and once more in my mouth.

Another time I was out of town at a seminar, and there was
nobody else from my company attending, so I figured I be able to
really let my hair down and go wild without any problems. The
first day there, I sat with these two guys who worked somewhere
in the mid-west, and we got to talking. They seemed attractive
enough, and certainly paid me a lot of attention, which I liked.
We went to lunch, and then dinner together, and when one of them
suggested (almost timidly!) that we three all go back up to his
room for a nightcap, I said, sure why not. But I told them I
wanted to stop at my room first to change and get comfortable. I
could see their faces kind of droop, because I was wearing a
pretty short skirt and heels and a light lace blouse, and they
probably thought I was going to change into sweatpants and a tee-
shirt or something. Normally I would have, if I was going to be
alone. But I was feeling kinda kinky, and wanted to give these
nice guys a treat they'd never forget. I always travel prepared,
so I changed into the shortest skirt I had with me, a leather
model about six inches long that's almost indecent, a red garter
belt, white stockings, and took off my bra but kept the blouse.
You could pretty much see my boobs right through it, but what the

When I knocked on the door to the room and he opened it, I
thought he was going to have a heart attack as soon as he saw me.
I guess he could pretty well tell that I had sex on my mind, or I
wouldn't have dressed like that. I didn't mind, as I did indeed
have sex on my mind. I sat on the bed and stretched out my legs
while the guys (I think their names were Barry and Ed) sat on two
chairs. We chit-chatted for a while about this and that, and as
we talked, I made sure my skirt rode up just enough to show the
tops of my stockings, which wasn't much! Ed's eyes popped out and
he said "Wow! You're wearing stockings!" or something, and I
blushed and said, yes, do you like them? Well, one thing let to
another and in about 5 minutes both guys were lying next to me on
the bed, sucking my boobs. I'd been in a few three-ways before,
but not recently. I love the feeling of four hands on my body, or
two sets of lips kissing me everywhere. I just laid back and
enjoyed the feeling, as their hands roamed all over my body. I
think they were both a little tentative about going further south
on me, although Barry was rubbing my thighs up near my stocking-
tops. I spread my legs a little farther apart to encourage him to
go higher, and finally just unzipped the skirt and had him pull
it off me completely. My blouse had come off earlier, so now I'm
lying there on the bed in my garter-belt and stockings. I made
the guys get undressed for me, and they both had fairly nice
bodies, although Barry was a little too chubby for me. Then for
the next half hour or so, they took turns fucking me, although I
told them not to cum in me, but to save it, and when I said it
with a gleam in my eye, I think they might have guessed what I
wanted. So they took turns, and as one got close to the edge,
he'd pull out and relax a bit by sucking on my boobs or kissing
me, and the other one climbed on. It was very good for me, as I
had nice hard cock in me for about 20 minutes straight, and I
climaxed several times. I could see that Ed's cock was just about
ready to burst, and Barry's was probably getting close too. I
told them I wanted them to cum on me, in my sluttiest voice and
manner. They just went nuts, and I maneuvered them so that they
were kneeling on either side of my head, and I just went from
cock to cock, turning my head and sucking the tip of one, then
the other, and watching them pump themselves. I think they had
never been this close to each other's cocks, as Barry got a bit
soft at the beginning (guys are so weird like that, get one with
a hard cock near another cock and pffft! sometimes), but my mouth
can get any cock hard, so in a couple of minutes I had them both
just about bubbling over.

"I want you guys to splatter me", I said in a hoarse voice.

"Where? Can we cum in your mouth?" one of them said.

"Yes, yes, I want it there, all over my face, too" I egged
them on, knowing that it would probably put them over the edge.
Sure enough, Ed groaned and I felt his cock jerk and a spit of
semen flew out and hit me on the side of the nose. I turned to
him and opened my mouth and he shot again, this time right onto
my mouth and lips. I heard Barry say "Now, NOW!" so I turned my
head and was immediately drenched with Barry's semen. He was
jerking his cock all over the place and the sperm was flying out
in drips and drops rather than in streams. I felt it splatter
around on my face, and then I felt Ed's cum hit me on the left
side of my cheek and face. I loved it! Cum was raining down on
me, and the guys were grunting and groaning like mad. Ed put his
hand on my head and turned my face towards him, and pushed his
cock at me and shot another couple of streams of cum at my mouth.
While he was doing that, I could feel Barry's cum dripping all
over the back of my neck and my right cheek and jaw.

By the time it all ended, I had sperm all over my face, in my
hair and all over the place. I had drops of it on my boobs and
neck, too. The guys just fell back, totally blown away (no pun
intended). I guess they'd never seen anything like that before. I
rubbed the warm sperm into my skin, noticing the different
consistencies - Barry's was thinner and more watery, while Ed's
was thick and much whiter, and had a slightly less tangy taste to
it. While I rubbed their sperm in, Barry masturbated me for a few
seconds and rubbed my clit very nicely, I guess hoping to get me
to climax again. I did, just for him!

The next day we sat together again, and that night back in my
room I gave them both really long, wet slurpy blowjobs and had
them cum in my mouth. I blew them both twice, with about 45
minutes in between when they sucked my pussy in turns and I came
about ten times or so, I lost count it was so good. Now there
were two guys who definitely didn't want to go home when that
conference was over!

Over the past few months I've fucked about 20 or 25 guys here
and there, mostly on one-night stands. One time I was at a club,
just relaxing and having a drink and watching the people there. A
guy came over to me and asked me to dance, and we danced a while.
He was pretty direct, and when we got back to my table after a
slow dance, when I could feel his cock hardening in his pants, he
asked if I'd spend the night with him. I thought for a second or
so, and then said yes, I would. But only if he could find some
more entertainment for me. He said "what do you mean?" and I said
I was in the mood for some real fucking, and could he find some
more men. He said "How many?" and I said, half joking, 'oh, 7 or
8 will do." His eyes widened and he said "You're not a pro, are
you" and I laughed and said no, I just wanted a good old-
fashioned gang bang. (I'd never been in one, but I was feeling
slightly tipsy and just said it on a whim.) He gulped and said
he'd make some calls, so he went and called a couple of friends
of his who spread the word. An hour later I was at his
apartment, doing a strip tease for 9 horny guys! Two were black,
which was a first for me, too. They were laughing and drinking
and having a good old time, and so was I, I'm afraid. I'd never
been the object of attention for so many men at once, and I was
half-scared, half-anxious to see what would happen. I've found
that many men are good at talking up a good fuck, but when it
comes right down to it, some of them lose faith when it's time to
drop the drawers and have at it.

I told them that they'd all get to fuck me, but on my terms,
and if any of them misbehaved or got rough I'd stop the whole
thing. I wasn't too afraid of being raped or anything against my
will, but you can never tell. So one after the other, I fucked
them or sucked them, or both at the same time a couple of times.
Of course, I told them to not cum if they could help it, because
I wanted to show them something special when they did. One or two
couldn't hold it, and shot their cum in my pussy, and one guy
spermed my mouth, but that was OK by me, I enjoyed it all. They
made sure that I had several climaxes, and my pussy was wetter
than I've ever known it (it could have been the two big loads of
semen in it too!). Finally I told them that it was time for the
grand finale. I really got into the act now. I told them I was a
"cum freak", and wanted to see all their cum shoot out of their
cocks. I told them I ate cum, and loved it on my boobs and face
and all over. I said I'd drink it out of a glass if they could
fill it up. I really laid it on thick. Of course, the cum
dripping from my mouth from the guy who came there didn't hurt
the image.

So I stretched out on this guy's coffee table on a couple of
towels and the nine guys gathered around me and started to jerk
off. What a sight! Here I was, naked, cum drooling out of my
pussy, with nine hard cocks of varying sizes and shapes and
colors pointing at me, just waiting to explode. I fingered my
pussy and clit while I watched them jerk off, all the time
talking about watching their cum fly out and land on me. The
first guy to cum pointed his cock at me and sprayed cum all over
my stomach and boobs. The second guy got my face all wet. Then it
started to really fly out, and I couldn't tell which was which.
All I remember was that my face got totally covered, more than
I've ever had on it, and I've had a lot of cum on my face. I got
it in my mouth as well, of course. I had it in my hair, and all
over my belly and pubes, but most of the guys aimed for my face,
the darlings. I was frigging my clit and moaning and orgasming
all the time.

After the shower ended, the host came up with a glass and
said "Ok, Linda, drink up!" and gave me the glass. I giggled and
ran the glass around my body where I could, dripping the semen
into it. I got most of it into the glass, except the cum in my
hair and mouth. There was about an inch or so of it by the time I
got done. I held it up to the light like a wine taster, spinning
it around in my fingers. Then I sat up, held the glass above my
mouth and tipped it over, spilling all the sperm right into my
mouth. I let it all drip into my mouth, then I swallowed it all
with gusto.

The guys were chanting 'GO, GO, GO' as I did it, like it was
some kind of test or something. But I think they'd all agree that
I passed their test with flying colors!

That was my most memorable sexual experience, and I'm
thinking of trying to arrange something like that again.

I thought you might also be interested in my thoughts as the
local cum-queen. For you guys out there, here are some hints on
how to get your lady to let you cum on her face or body. And for
you ladies, here are some impressions from another woman that may
dispel your fears or anxieties.

First, guys, I think I speak for most of us when I say that
we don't like to be FORCED to do anything - yes, it's ok once in
a while to play-act a fantasy, but if we know you're really pushy
about it, it can be a turn-off. Second, and perhaps most
important, you can hardly expect a woman to be excited about
spreading her lips for you if you won't go down and give her some
attention as well. Any guy who won't perform cunnilingus doesn't
deserve a blow job himself, right gals? And LEARN HOW to do it!
Ask her, she'll tell you. I myself like nice long licks up and
down my pussy lips, and nibbling on my clit. Other women might
like something else. Thirdly, make sure you're clean as a
whistle. Us girls don't appreciate a cock that tastes like day-
old pee. Fourth, before you cum in our mouth, warn us - we may
not want it there, or we may need to get ready to swallow so it
doesn't choke us. There's nothing grosser than having some guy
cum down your neck and having it go down the wrong pipe and
coughing it all up all over the place, right? And don't be afraid
to kiss your lady after she has swallowed your cum, it won't kill
you and it'll usually make the woman feel that you really love
her. What woman wants to be expected to swallow your cum if you
won't even touch it yourself? Overall, be considerate, clean,
and make the lady feel like you really appreciate what she's
doing, not that you expect her to lay there and let you pump goo
all over her just because you're the man and she's the woman.

Ok, gals, for those of you (are there really any out there?)
who haven't gotten into blow jobs or cum-shots yet, let me tell
you what you're missing. First, guys love it. You let a man
ejaculate in your mouth or on your body a few times, and he's
like a puppy in your hands. Also, I think that any man who gets a
good blow-job from wifey or girlfriend two or three times a week
is far less likely to wander on you, if that's a concern. It's
amazing how fast guys loose their sexual wanderlust after they've
cum. I think it's really true that if a man's getting what he
needs at home, he won't be too tempted to wander. So if you're
concerned with your guy's wandering eyes (and who wouldn't be, in
most situations?), keep him drained dry whenever you can. Really,
it's amazing how easy we can manipulate them if we want to. Just
make sure he takes care of you, too.

Secondly, IT WON'T HURT YOU! Semen isn't like acid or
anything. It's mostly water and fluid from the prostate gland,
and about 1 percent or so actual sperms. Obviously, the taste can
vary from guy to guy. I've found that sperm from guys who drink a
lot of liquor isn't usually too palatable, or if they have a very
spicy diet. And it can taste kind of salty too. Mostly though,
it's just water and traces of other elements, and isn't fattening
or liable to give you pimples, cellulite, or varicose veins. And
it certainly won't get you pregnant if you swallow it! If you are
squeamish about it, I suggest you just get used to it by having
your man come on your stomach or boobs a few times, and playing
with it with your fingers. Get a little bit on one finger and
taste it. Once you've gotten used to the consistency and flavor,
it becomes easier and easier. But if you've never seen it
anywhere other than oozing out of your vagina, you'll probably
want to get used to it before it's all over your lips and face.
Work up to it slowly. Spread some of the semen from your stomach
or boobs onto your cheeks and feel the consistency of it and
absorb it. Rub it over your lips like gloss or lipstick. If you
do this right, your guy may get hard all over again watching you
and you'll get another fuck out of him.

Some of us know how neat it is to watch a guy come close up.
It's really a marvel of engineering. The little hole opens up and
this white stuff comes shooting out, and sometimes he can get it
to fly several feet! The amount he has depends on how long its
been since he last came, of course, but usually a one or two day
load is about right. Next time you want to see something really
fascinating, tell your man to jerk off, and you watch him real
close up from the side. The head of his cock will leak a bit of
pre-cum and his balls will sway back and forth, and then just
before he ejaculates, they'll pull up close to his crotch and if
you're lucky, you'll see the vein along the bottom of his cock
pulse with the semen flowing through it. If you're really daring,
tell him to do it about three inches in front of your face. I
guarantee that he'll shoot off in no time. Just be sure to watch
him shooting it in your eyes - it can sting if it's really salty.

While we're on the subject, let's talk about that. Should you
let a man come on your face? Some women say "NO, never!" Others
may say "sometimes, but not often". Others say "Shit, yeah,
whenever he wants". I'm in the last group. There's nothing
really wrong with it, and it doesn't make you a slut or whore
just because you and your guy enjoy this kind of sexual
expression. Probably some of the most stuck-up or catty bitches
you know would never let a man come anywhere near their face, and
I wouldn't want to put myself in the same class as them. You know
who I'm talking about. For example, can you picture that Helmsley
bitch taking cum in her mouth? Or Ivana Trump? or Nancy Reagan,
for Gods' sake!

If you're really unsure about it, I suggest you get used to
it in steps. First, if you've never had a man come in your
mouth, do that first. Once you're used to the feel of the cock
pulsing and shooting, it's not so scary. Keep the head out of the
back of your mouth, up near your lips, and you'll feel the sperm
shooting out more, and be able to taste it better.

Then, when you're comfortable with that, take it out of your
mouth when he comes and let it shoot right into your mouth. You
have to control it somewhat here, or it'll invariably spray all
over the place. That's a really neat feeling sometimes, feeling
the sprays shoot right into the back of your mouth. Practice
with a water gun or something first, maybe, and get the hang of

Finally, one time that's really special for you both, let the
old blaster go off while it's pointed right at your nose. The
first jolt is the hardest to get used to, because you never
really know when it's gonna hit, and even the best of us
invariable flinch a bit. But once the first one hits you, the
rest will be smaller and easier to get used to. Again, if the
sperm is salty, you may have to close your eyes or get ready to
wipe them off real fast, cause I have had some that really stung
for a second or two - but for the most part that isn't really
something to get upset over.

When that first spray hits you, it'll probably make you jerk
your head back, and you have to resist the natural urge to turn
away. If you can, direct the cock onto your cheekbones and lips.
If the intensity and spray is strong enough, see if you can even
get some on your forehead. To some guys, nothing looks sexier
than your hair plastered down to your forehead with his sperm.
Of course, we have to wash it out after a while, but what the
hell, we've all had gunkier stuff than that in our hair, right?

After the guy (or guys!) has stopped cumming, you'll want to
rub the semen around and into your skin. It feels really sexy and
good, and is better than if you let it dry on your skin, when it
can get all crackly and dry out. Close your eyes and just revel
in the feel and aroma of it, and remember that it's a precious
gift from your man. If he's any good at all, your guy will
probably be very appreciative of your performance, and who knows,
may be ready for another go-round!

I can't really think of much else to say right now, maybe
it's time it went out and got myself a guy to come home and help
me do some more 'research'!

Re:The Life and Times of a Cum-Queen (1)

tds67 (670584) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495235)

That might be a bit off-topic. Maybe. is.


penis fish (671987) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494688)

Thank you, SCO, for helping to eradicate the scum that is linux.

PS: Fuck the GNAA. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

YOU FUCKING FAILED IT TO THE GNAA! -penisbird (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494715)

3rd Pr0st33Z! (-1)

News For Turds (580751) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494690)

suck it, bitch

stupid comcast (-1, Troll)

double-oh three (688874) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494693)

Nuts, now I have to change cable provider. The stench of microsoft is infecting them. :(

Hmm (5, Funny)

B3ryllium (571199) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494704)

And here I thought that VCRs would only generate Blue Screens before and after a movie started ... This brings them a whole new potential career - displaying blue screens in the middle of movies!

Re:Hmm (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494719)

Blue screen of death! Blue screen of death! Roffle troffle!

Re:Hmm (3, Informative)

jafac (1449) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494821)

As an owner of a DishPlayer 7200, which ran this software - I can affirm - while it doesn't BSOD, up until about a year ago, this software was rife with serious, serious, issues. Every update they put out kept making the problems worse and worse. But finally, it seems they got it right. It's a slow box, but it's reasonably stable now.

The thing is, it was the WebTV client that caused most of the havoc, but I didn't even subscribe to WebTV - I was in it for the PVR functionality.
Supposedly the OS is a stripped-down FreeBSD. But that's just hearsay from DBSForums.

i see butterflies (1, Funny) (562495) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494705)

oh wait it is just my TV.... where is my channel changer


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U.S. Embassy complex hit in Liberia (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494708)

Stop your nerdy activities! SHOCKING NEWS!

U.S. Embassy complex hit in Liberia!!!

Mommy! Why's the TV screen all blue? (4, Funny)

Limburgher (523006) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494711)

And what's a fatal kernel error?

Re:Mommy! Why's the TV screen all blue? (4, Funny)

arcanumas (646807) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494747)

Ofcourse this will happen only in the beggining.
As people get used to MS quality products it will be more like :

Mommy the TV crashed again? Shall i reboot?

Re:Mommy! Why's the TV screen all blue? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494773)

they'll reboot before a show, "for good lucK"

after the show, they'll reboot again, as a "thank you" to the gods (for letting them watch the show with only 3 crashed)

Re:Mommy! Why's the TV screen all blue? (5, Funny)

tds67 (670584) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494940)

A fatal kernel error is either popcorn that didn't pop, or death by heart attack from eating to much Kentucky Fried Chicken (TM).

Re:Mommy! Why's the TV screen all blue? (1)

MyHair (589485) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495051)

You have it backwards. It's more like Dad yelling "Son! What the hell is an IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL error?!?!"

CPT!!!! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494713)

"Ugh... UGH!" Chris Pirillo moaned as he squatted
over the ThumbDrive. He eyes darted back and
forth like a stone man and he sighed gay breaths
as he attempted to shove the device filled with the
entire line of eBooks into his anus. His geek house
trembled with fag vibrations coming from his crack
but then- his doorbell rang, whistling the tune
from "Matlock" throughout his hovel.

"Damn" he howled in a gay, sepulchral voice and
slipped on a pair of pastel slacks. He trapsed to
the threshold of his cold abode and grabbed the
greasy doorknob that was shaped like Birdman.
With a slavish sigh, he opened the door to see
none other than Adam Sessler himself!

A gay gasp escaped from Chris's dork lips and
Adam began to speak. Quickly, Chris snapped at him.
"Damnit for the last time you vagabond, you're not
supposed to be here!" The revolting nerd slammed
the door in Adam's face, but the Game Master
quickly shoved his iron boot inbetween the door
and the wall, wedging it open. "I have come for you,"
he spoke in a cold tone; electric arcs coursed
between the spikes in his cockneyed bleached hair.

Adam howled as a blast of mystic Boohbahs
emanated from his busy shirt and slammed
Chris down the hall and into a Microsoft Digital
Picture Frame. Chris grunted and swiped nerd
dust and sheetrock from his arms. He rose to
his feet and watched in horror as Adam brandished
a weapon made from 3 Xbox controllers tied
at the ends. "Oh my word! Game peripherals!"
the dork bellowed; the stench of Cheetos and
Diet Dr. Pepper wafted from his geek teeth.
Instantly his palms began to sweat at the very
sight of them, as if the grease from his McGriddle
hadn't slicked them up enough.

Chris tried to run from his game-playin' adversary,
but it was too late. Adam swung the weapon above
his head and threw it at the King of Nerds,
entangling his legs and forcing him to the floor.
Adam pulled a cestus made from PS2 DVDs
out of his Spice Girls backpack and rushed Chris.
He swiped at his turdly back over and over, causing
streams of cold blood to squirt from his flesh.
"Oh god, the horror, the HORROR!" Chris moaned
as Adam butchered him relentlessly. A old Brit with
one eye and a cockneyed accent burst into the
room and started kicking Chris in the side.

Chris was just about do die when... he rose from
his bed. It was just a dream! He laughed and
took a sip of more Brawls Guarana, hoping he
wouldn't fall asleep again. "Time to plot..." he
grumbled and shoved yet another pin into his
Leo Laporte voodoo doll.

==-ATTENTION-==: I Will be gone for a week and will need a new Chris Pirillo troller (CPTer). Email me at and I'll hook you up as the official CPTer of /.
Post brought to you by BratLarson, official CPTer

Clippy (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494720)

"I see you are trying to watch Jerry Springer, would you like some help?"

Re:Clippy (5, Funny)

Yanna (188771) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494731)

Even more dreadful:

"I see you are trying to watch some porn, would you like some help?"

I will now have nightmares...

MS Bob (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494824)

Rumour has it that there are plans to turn MS Bob into a pay per view Chipendale.

Developers! Developers! Developers! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494895)

Why did I suddenly have visions of a Chipendale screaming "Developers" at the top of his lungs?

Re:Clippy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6495003)

Didn't you know that MS Bob is a homosexual? He came out a while ago and everyone who's seen him says he's gay.

No wonder he went into hiding.

Will it mean... (5, Interesting)

rekkanoryo (676146) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494732)

Will it mean that instead of having only the current half-hour's programming shown in the interactive guide alongside ads, there will no longer be ads, leaving room for an hour and a half's worth of programming information? If not, it's no better than the worthless crap they're serving us in the DCT boxes now. Everyone I know that has digital cable from Comcast doesn't want to see ads, they want to see an interactive version of the TV Guide Channel.

Re:Will it mean... (1)

aligma (682744) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494761)

No it'll mean there'll be ads, ads for Microsoft, a big start bar, and fifteen minutes of programming information.

Re:Will it mean... (1)

puck71 (223721) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494855)

Well, it sounds like they DO have an interactive version of the TV Guide Channel, since the TV Guide Channel has ads...

Re:Will it mean... (4, Insightful)

rekkanoryo (676146) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494908)

Well, I suppose you have me on that point. But we'd (all the Comcast customers I know) would rather see the left-side ads gone and replaced with more programming information. Faster response times on the button pressing would be nice too.

The feature I would really like to see is the ability to customize the size of the text on all the "interactive" stuff. While I feel the text is too big and bold-faced, my parents would like to see it bigger. Also, being able to customize the colors for the guide would be nice; my parents have difficulty reading the white text on green background for the sports shows, and I'd prefer to see anything and everything on the PPV channels in purple like our old TV Guide channel had. The best thing, however, would be the option to turn off the display of programming information for non-PPV channels that are not in the package you're currently subscribed to. It's frustrating and difficult to remember the 45 channels I don't have because I pay $60/month for the service instead of $90.

But that's just me...

Re:Will it mean... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#6495269)

If you get the new boxes from comcast (to support HDTV) the button pushing is faster.

Re:Will it mean... (1)

gregmac (629064) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494971)

Everyone I know that has digital cable from Comcast doesn't want to see ads, they want to see an interactive version of the TV Guide Channel.

The digital tv that Cogeco offers here (canada) is like that too, and I think it's an absolutely hideous interface. It's slow, it looks like it was designed by a programmer that knows how to use photoshop (but nothing about actual design), and it only shows the current half hour.

Roger's version (which isn't available where I live) is a lot better. Nice design, shows the next 3 half-hour segments at the same time, whatever channel you're watching is shown in a little window in the top corner, and you can see a summary without having to go to another screen.

Not to mention the cogeco interface is very 'flickery', it flickers on the screen a couple times everytime you switch views, and is often very slow to change between things. You can see the refresh as you scroll down the program list.

Sorry, this turned in to a bit of a rant, but I'm just utterly repulsed that something that bad could make it into customers houses. Hire a designer, do a couple focus groups with people using it and providing feedback, even go and look at your competitors' (Rogers, and sattelite tv companies) versions. I could have made a better interface, and I'm purely a programmer - photoshop scares me!

Re:Will it mean... (1)

rekkanoryo (676146) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494991)

Yes, this is absolutely identical to the Comcast crap (formerly AT&T crap). Read my other comment here [] to see my suggestions for improvement.

Re:Will it mean... (1)

NoMoreNicksLeft (516230) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495091)

So buy a BDM programming cable, and help me figure it out....

Details here. []

Re:Will it mean... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#6495350)

I'm on the inside of this so I can shed some light.

First it's only slightly better than the TV Guide software that is in the DCT2000 and 3000. Microsoft made it only because they bought the company that made it. It is NOT microsoft software.

comcast and Microsoft are very much in bed... They are very hostile towards anything not microsoft in the enterprise.. many of us from the AT&T side that was bought had made some amazing core business changes to linux to save big BIG dollars that were bullet proof... comcast is busy dismantling everything we did to replace it with a fresh bought microsoft platform that requires 3X the hardware cost and has 1/2 the stability and functionality.... because they do what microsoft tells them.

This software DOES let us watch you like a nielsen metered family. instant demographics on all customers including the ad's watched.

Its there so we can watch wehat you do better

The reason this is a bad idea (1, Funny)

piecewise (169377) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494743)

Quite frankly, the news media should be ashamed for not picking up on some of the sub-clauses of the Comcast/Microsoft agreement.

I mean, come on. The television *must* start up to Channel 447 - "Gates Gone Wild, Doggie Style."

It's just another ridiculous Microsoft ploy.

Re:The reason this is a bad idea (2, Funny)

H310iSe (249662) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494931)

Actually, it will until the first Media Center virus comes out (these things will have some virus vector, right?) - then the ONLY channel you will get is the happy-little-tree-painter-guy (with the afro-like hair) or, maybe, to the aljezera network (that would be kinda funny). Maybe a virus that just, occasionally, changes the channel to Pat Robertsons Christian Crusade, then back again. A playful virus.

Actually, I'm getting kind of excited. This could be fun, exposing someone's TV to an IRC based chanel changer and let other people channel-surf for them.

And to whip the dead horse faster... (1)

Perdition (208487) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494746)

"The program 'American Chopper' has performed an illegal action. Continue?"

Re:And to whip the dead horse faster... (1)

ThatDamnMurphyGuy (109869) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494789)

Hehe. I like that show. Fun to watch the Jr. and Sr. argue all the time.

Anyone else parse that as, (5, Funny)

DoomHaven (70347) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494752)

"Comcast Offers 'Trial Of Microsoft' TV, Software"?

Ugh... This crap again. (4, Funny)

piecewise (169377) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494759)

I'm assuming the Microsoft version will have soo many more channels than Apple's, but Apple's channels will be of higher quality.


Re:Ugh... This crap again. (1)

TrancePhreak (576593) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494942)

Yes, Apple's version will feature the WarCraft 3 channel... and that puzzle channel with the Apple logo... I've watched it many times already, but it's still fun.

Re:Ugh... This crap again. (0, Redundant)

Ankle (633399) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495416)

But only about 60% of Microsoft's channels will actually work without a BSOD.

Microsoft TV (5, Funny)

Eberlin (570874) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494760)

I see you're trying to watch CNN.
Would you like help getting to MSNBC?

Seriously, though, is this where X-Box was supposed to go? Or how does this eventually integrate with the Media PC (I think that's what it's called.)

Hmmm, wonder what kind of privacy anomalies this introduces in the future. Think of all the tv viewing data it could phone home with!

Re:Microsoft TV (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494820)

TV viewing data, videogame playing data, commerical viewing data all in one place? It really does sound like a Microsoft wet dream come (pun intended) true. I'd wager they'll consolidate this box with a Media PC AND an Xbox for the whole home entertainment center setup. Granted, it might take on a completely different name (XBox Media Center TV 3.0?).

Ads, Ads, Ads (3, Interesting)

felonious (636719) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494763)

If anyone out there really thinks there will be no ads then they are in complete denial. As long as humans inherit this earth and view tv in all it's various forms then there will be advertising. It might be passed off as programming but it's still an ad.

TimeWarner is apparently giving it a go too ... (2, Informative)

molarmass192 (608071) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494765)

more info []

Guess AOL and MS are all buddy-buddy now that the whole Netscape "misunderstanding" is behind them.

Re:TimeWarner is apparently giving it a go too ... (1)

falcon5768 (629591) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494896)

Oh they where all buddy buddy when AOL was forc... er I mean pursuaded to uses IE technology in its future versions.

"Value" (4, Interesting)

Wesley Felter (138342) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494766)

The software is designed to help network operators get more value from on-demand and other digital TV services.

Is there any benefit to cable customers? Is this basic program guide any different from the basic program guide that's built in to all digital cable boxes?

Re:"Value" (0, Flamebait)

LamerX (164968) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495230)

By value, they mean that they can shove more advertising down your throat. More value for them. They already have ads on the sides where valuable information could be kept. Noooo, we'd hate to sacrifice a little bit of money in order to make this a great service. Now they can have ads come up in the middle of the screen, "Would you like to see more information on the Pepsi(TM) that you just saw Britney Spears drinking?" And that could redirect you to some websites with more popups and annoying shit that people who just learned how to flip channels, won't know how to deal with.

Cumcast has such potential as to what they really could be providing to thier customers. The bandwidth that they have, and the possible services that they could be providing to customers is endless. Instead they just look at inital costs, and just how can they squeeze another penny out of you with out spending anything. So, no there is NO benefit to cable customers.

I can't believe that people put up with the current Cumcast Digital Cable. Hell, half the channels aren't digital, and the other half are so impossible to find using the program guide. Where is my option to turn off the channels I don't have? Where is my favorites menu? The interface is a piece of crap and the cost of the service is absolutely outrageous. Basic expanded cable TV itself is $38.00/mo. I can get the same from Dish for about $25.00/mo. Oh yeah thats with a REALLY cool reciever box, ALL digital channels, and no advertising on the program guide. I'm sure DirecTV has very similar pricing plans, as I know that nobody is nearly as expensive as Comcast.

Like the TWC boxes didn't already suck (3, Funny)

ThatDamnMurphyGuy (109869) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494768)

It's hard to imagine the TWC cable boxes getting any worse. I had their digital package/receivers for about 3 years, and the damn things locked up and rebooted on their own all the time. That's of course, when the entire network or onscreen guides weren't down all weekend.

At least now I'd get a BSOD to go along with the fun.

Re:Like the TWC boxes didn't already suck (1)

radixvir (659331) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494860)

I know everyone here hates Microsoft, but i welcome any change to the settop boxes from comcast. they are so slow (like 3 seconds to change a channel) and if the software works on the same machine and runs at full speed then it is an improvement. if only freevo or mythtv could be put on those boxes and would support digital cable it would be the holy grail!

o great... (1, Funny)

dema (103780) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494777)

i wont be able to watch the simpsons anymore cause ill get the blue screen of death on tv. like the computer wasn't enough.

Microsoft always delivers! (4, Interesting)

wfberg (24378) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494784)

Like in 2000?

For Microsoft, It's "Inactive TV" [] (businessweek)

And 2002?

Microsoft likely to miss key test on interactive TV(and they did)(zdnet)

Well... (0, Flamebait)

FrostedWheat (172733) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494788)

At least Microsoft couldn't possibly make an EPG more unstable than Sky TV in the UK.


Re:Well... (1)

Nexus Seven (112882) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495056)

You clearly never tried NTL:home

DCT Software (4, Informative)

Detritus (11846) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494791)

The current DCT software sucks. Every time you hit a button on the remote, you have to wait for the lousy software to (slowly) execute the command and refresh the screen before pressing another button. The vaunted EPG (electronic program guide) is a joke. It only shows half an hours worth of programs. They waste big chunks of screen space on ads. For a box that supposedly costs $750, they could have hired some real programmers to write the code.

Re:DCT Software (1)

puck71 (223721) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494868)

Most places give them out for free with your subscription. Sure they probably raise the rates to pay for the boxes, but at least you don't have to pay $750 for it.

Re:DCT Software (1)

90XDoubleSide (522791) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494929)

Expect it to get worse, though; if you realize how the box chokes on the light amount of graphics used in the TV Guide branded software, imagine how slow things are going to be as they try to add more and more features and eye candy. Cable companies, as monopolies, are always going to give the shittiest service they can get away with; if you want a decent guide, you're still going to have to get a TiVO/Replay.

Re:DCT Software (1)

radixvir (659331) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495220)

you can see it in action here [] . it seems alot faster than comcasts and the remote is the same so im guessing it runs on similar hardware

McDonalds + Microsoft advertisement (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494797)

MS is already advertising heavily. Have you seen these advertisements by McDonalds and Microsoft?

Here's one [] .

MOD THAT DOWN (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494969)

evil commies

It won't display.. (1)

Penguinshit (591885) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494827)

I can't find the CTRL-ALT-DEL keys on my TV...

I can see it now... (2, Funny)

acousticiris (656375) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494829)

After you get the software update for your cable box, you'll have to dial an 800 number, read off a 700 digit code and they'll give you an activation sequence. Then, once you decide to replace your television, you'll have to pay for all of the movies you watched on the previous one all over again.

Or no, better yet. Someone will write a virus that takes advantage of a security hole in the software resulting in your cable box being a participant in a DDoS attack... All this while my Tivo hums along unaffected because it's running Linux :-).

Welcome to the new Microsoft Bob Network! Did you forget your parental block password? Here, have a new one!

Sorry guys, I had to get it all out.

Re:I can see it now... (1)

jetmarc (592741) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495302)

> Someone will write a virus that takes advantage of a security hole in the software
> resulting in your cable box being a participant in a DDoS attack...

Don't laugh, this has happened already. There were some Microsoft set top
boxes out in the field, which upon virus infection joined together and made
a DDoS attack on the 911 emergency number.

Here's a link:,24195, 3392631,00.html


great...and still no TiVo from Comcast... (1)

The Lynxpro (657990) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494839)

This takes the cake. Comcast is a shareholder in TiVo yet they won't release a digital set-top box with TiVo built in. But they will "test" the Microsoft software. Perhaps they have some contract with M$ that they have to at least deploy it in a test market before wholly rejecting it. Hopefully, Comcast will still get its $400 per set top box like the early Best Buy/MSN sign up rebate in California...that was funny...everyone got $400 in store to use and they could cancel right when they got home...

Re:great...and still no TiVo from Comcast... (2, Informative)

phillymjs (234426) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494873)

In 1997, Microsoft invested $1B [] in Comcast.

With that kind of money talking, Comcast could give a shit about TiVo, shareholder or not.


I KNEW IT (2, Funny)

leifm (641850) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494863)

Finally I have the chance to spit out my MS-Comcast and the XBOX taking over the console market theory. Comcast is the country's largest cable provider, and 3rd in ISPs I believe. Comcast + Microsoft = loss leader XBOX/set top box, which means soon MS(soon) owns the console market and has a new media distribution platform in the living room, and it's all on a controlled piece of hardware so they can DRM all they want. Brilliant!

Now I will go actually read what this article says...

Re:I KNEW IT (1)

akb (39826) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495064)

Don't pat yourself on the back too much. I think a lot of people thought something was up when M$ gave Comcast $5 billion back when they bought ATT's cable division. Golly gee, who could have predicted this?

Re:I KNEW IT (1)

leifm (641850) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495138)

I know. You have to remember that here in meatspace I don't get to talk to people who actually think about MS/Comcast synergy with their spare time.

Just what I've always wanted! (2, Funny)

seraph93 (560551) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494871)

Now, instead of paying money to have my intelligence insulted by some noisy box in the living room, I can pay even more for the priviledge--but now I'll have a Microsoft-blessed user interface! Sweet! I can't wait to see the new season of Who Wants to Breed With a Mongoloid? now that I know I'll be able to click through a EULA first!

My favorite quote from the article: "Comcast's selection of Microsoft TV demonstrates the industry's desire for cost-effective, scalable software platforms that help it get the most value from its hardware and infrastructure investments."

That's just too funny, all by itself. I really can't add anything to it.

MS Business Model (0)

jinglecat (673072) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494887)

The Microsoft/Comcast business model will be like the NBC "Must See TV" model:

"It's Must See TV. I must must see. I MUST!"

or perhaps it will be use SCO's model:

"If you don't like your programming, then we won't give you any channels exception 1 24-hour channel featuring Matthew Lesko"

Comcast... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494904)

Comcast and Microsoft... two great companies. What a great combination - sign me up!</jest>

Again. (2, Insightful)

AntiOrganic (650691) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494912)

Though I already expected to see this many blue-screen "jokes" and anti-MS zealotry, I have to admit that while Microsoft's security is questionable, so far they've done a damned decent job of creating stable operating systems. This computer has, as of this writing, been up for 27 days without a reboot (XP Professional) and I never had a problem on my old iPaq either before I sold it. Windows Server 2003 is very much a step in the right direction too, ousting much legacy code responsible for instabilities in the past.

While I hate to further Microsoft's aims, as a matter of principle, if it does the job better and cheaper than other competing software for digital cable boxes, why not use it? If there is a cost savings, it will certainly trickle down to you as the consumer of said service.

Re:Again. (2, Insightful)

GlassHeart (579618) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495171)

While I hate to further Microsoft's aims, as a matter of principle, if it does the job better and cheaper than other competing software for digital cable boxes, why not use it?

You should always use the product that is better or cheaper, or both. However, you need to be smart in making that determination. First of all, "better" is not determined by a list of features. The same feature can be implemented in entirely unusable ways. Secondly, "cheaper" does not refer to the price on the tag, either, but the total cost of ownership. For example, if Microsoft lowers the price of XP to $30 in order to crush a new OS rival selling at $50, you should not take the bait. The long term cost (after the competitor is crushed) is worse products and services, and higher prices.

Re:Again. (1)

Tony Hoyle (11698) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495179)

If XP has been up for 27 days without a reboot you've probably already been hacked :)

Use Windows Update... you know it makes sense.

Re:Again. (1)

DNS-and-BIND (461968) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495181)

Ah, it just wouldn't be a MS story without microsoft apologists coming out of the woodwork to claim that their unloaded desktop boxes don't crash randomly any more.

Imagine, MS makes an operating system that can run for days upon days without crashing, and people give them compliments for it!

Re:Again. (1)

alienw (585907) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495226)

27 days uptime is 'stable'? What are you smoking? My Mandrake desktop box (which is heavily abused) had an uptime of about 3 months before I rebooted it to replace a broken CDROM drive. I can't remember ever having to reboot due to a crash. My router box currently has an uptime of 234 days (last time I powered it down was to clean the innards). 27 days is impressive only for a windows user.

Microsoft software vs. cable set-top box software (2, Interesting)

Amit J. Patel (14049) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494914)

The cable set-top box I have (AT&T digital cable) is really awful.

  • It misses keypresses -- the receiver light blinks, so the hardware received the keypress, but the software just ignores it.
  • It's really slow -- you can see the text being drawn on the screen
  • It's buggy -- the wrong show sometimes gets described, which is really amusing/annoying when I'm watching Discovery Channel and the program guide shows the description of an adult movie.
  • It's ugly -- but maybe I've been spoiled by the less harsh colors and more readable text used by TiVo.

Although I'm not generally a big fan of Microsoft software, in this case I'd put my bets on Microsoft's software being better.

Amit []

It's about time they do something (2, Interesting)

Alien Venom (634222) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494916)

Anyone who has Comcast knows that channel switching and doing stuff on that box is damn slow.

You'd think that for as much as one pays for digital cable, they could have ad-free channel browsing -- but no.

Re:It's about time they do something (1)

leifm (641850) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494958)

We got rid of the digital because the channels it added sucked as far as I was concerned, but as far as price goes it only added like 12ish to our bill. It was slow as hell though, and ordering pay-per-view was always breaking.

Re:It's about time they do something (1)

Grand (152636) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495058)

My roomate and I had Digital cable up until recently. We had the 1 year free digital box and when that year was up, so was the price. It would have costed us 78.00 a month for the premium cable + HBO. So we went with Directv. We pay 98.00 a month for every channel you can get. We also just purchaced a Directv Tivo and love it. We most likely would have stayed with digital cable if they didnt raise the price on us. Im glad they did because Directv is far superior IMO.

another digital box eh? (1)

arazor (55656) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494946)

Wonder how worse it will be compared to Pioneer 1100 Digtal boxes that Time Warner provides. The damn thing totaly lokcs up at least once a month and I have to call the cable company and they have to fix the problem. Even exchanged the box 3 times all of them do the same damn thing. If there was a to get directv or dishnetwork in my area I would be there in a second sigh...

For one I am glad (1)

unixwin (569813) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494950)

Everyone should have atleast one Microsoft product or two around them at all times. Be it a PocketPC, Win 9x, Win2k or Win2003 or an Xbox or something else.
end sarcasm

I mean look at them, they have been working hard for so many years, begging borrowing stealing and flourishing
(not that all their code is like that, but I havn't seen it... have you??? so don't tell me I'm trolling...)

Look at those products, a bug a day keeps the unemployment away.

They keep millions of Windows "Administrators", programmers and IT support happily employed through these bad times, through weekly patches and serious consequences of losing your system if you dont.... throw in a few T-shirts, send them to MCSE trainings, certifications, "boot camps" and what not....

grin Unlike BSD & Linux -- a bunch of crack smoking hippies who refuse to put in bugs into their system to secure employment of fellow Open Source hackers... these guys (MS) are EMPLOYING millions of ppl. directly or through hundreds of man years of debugging , fixing , patching and just running their software... /grin

Is it only me (2)

falcon5768 (629591) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494956)

But does anyone else see this as becoming increasingly dangerous. Microsoft has managed to delve out into just about every marketplace imaginable, with many of their efforts (.net, MS TV or whatever they are calling that set top browser now) failing and only surviving by getting more and more money shoved into advertising or other peoples pockets to force their way into the marketplace.

I mean honestly, many of Microsoft's products are sub-par at best (Even though I hate it, I will give them credit for both Windows and the x-Box) yet we are constantly forced to use it either because there is no other way, or more likely cause its cheaper, and or because other companies force us to (how often are we forced to use IE cause it wont load properly any other way!)

I mean yeah maybe Im a bitter Apple guy who cant leave the past alone, but even if I wasn't I think I would still be worried about a company who's had more anti-trust suit levied on it than sharks have teeth getting even more access to what I see and hear on TV.

We joked about it in another thread here, but think about it, what if when going to CNN a pop up screen said, "I see your going to CNN would you like to go to MSNBC instead." I mean thats an extreme case but there is nothing stopping them, the government has done a poor job at best, CHRIST even their computers are full of Microsoft's software.

OK I will stop ranting now!

Another Heavily Trolled Topic (1, Troll)

TrancePhreak (576593) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494978)

50 Trolls 2 Decent responses 8 Responses with possible trolling

Re:Another Heavily Trolled Topic (1)

figleaf (672550) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495206)

Insightful post of the day!
I which I had some mod points.

open program guide (1)

akb (39826) | more than 10 years ago | (#6494986)

Too bad the NetTopBox [] is a dead project.

As a consumer I want the cable co to expose an open set of services that lets 3rd parties compete to add value for me.

I can see a good benifit of this (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6494989)

Now it will make it easier to descramble porn channels.

too bad (1)

pair-a-noyd (594371) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495000)

I don't allow M$ products in my home.
So sorry comcast, no sale today...

Skip The Boring Details (1)

tds67 (670584) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495008)

The platform will scale from today's thin-client set-top boxes to future-generation devices.

Yes, yes...but does it integrate well with the iLoo [] ?

Not necessarily a bad thing (1)

The_Rippa (181699) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495047)

If you've seen the screenshots from the Windows Home Media version, the interface could for this could be pretty slick. I've had an AT&T/Comcast box for three years now. As every other poster has pointed out, it's horrendous. Only 30 minute previews, obtrusive ads, slow response. If you press 551 on the remote and then hit guide, it takes you to channel 002. Lame. One of the nice things about owning a Tivo is it give a respectable ui to navigate the channels.

But I digress...

ANY alternative would be acceptable to the garbage you have to deal with now...even if it is from Microsoft. I'm ignoring the blue screen jokes, because we all know that probably won't happen (but they're still funny). Hopefully they'll give us a better ui for a more enjoyable experience of watching tv.

I hate our local digital (1)

Archfeld (6757) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495080)

set-up, the guide is horribly slow, it takes almost 2 full seconds to actually change a channel, and I get black screen during the interim, not to mention the pixelization that shows up because the cheap bastards just utilized the added space to jam 3 more signals in...

COMCAST just PLAIN BLOWS. I often resort to watching the baseball games on my rabbit-ears from the local station and I get better reception. The higher resolution the program is in the worse it looks on their system. I won't even begin to talk about NOVA in HDTV or Monday Night football.....

Re:I hate our local digital (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6495167)

That's how every brand of digital cable has been for me. Slow, pixelated and just plain worse than standard cable. I've tried Comcast, Charter, ATT (it later turned into comcast so i ended up haveing comcast twice). DirecTV looked the same, pixelated but the channels changed faster. But I have yet to get a Digital Cable and not to mention HDTV cable setup, that is actually better than standard cable. My friends would come over to watch a football game, and they'd all ask "You sure this isnt coming from the antennea on the roof?"

A Few DCT Facts (2, Informative)

Barovelli (635801) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495102)

hmm is my IP showing?
  • The programming guide currently in use is by PreView, it gets loaded into the DCT at the local cable system (it's not built in). DCT2000s have 2mb RAM, the more channels in a system, the less room for info (or ads -ha ha)
  • The boxes also seek out new firmwares upon power up. Ever plug one in, see a picture, then have it shutdown? New firmware (Welcome to DCT Update . . )
  • Channel switching is quicker on later models. The 5100s are darn quick.
  • I am not a big fan of of the tiny writing or ads in the guide, but at least it helped convince my family that we needed a big screen TV to read them.

Microsoft X (2, Funny)

OeLeWaPpErKe (412765) | more than 10 years ago | (#6495195)

Microsoft Windows
Microsoft Internet
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Server Editions (or enterprise etc)
Microsoft Hardware (mouse etc)

Microsoft Games
Microsoft Console
Microsoft XBox

Microsoft Windows Media
Microsoft Cinema
Microsoft TV
Microsoft Media PC (ms tivo might be better)

No, mr judge we're defineately not using our influence in some market to expand in other markets, as that would be against the law. (v0.9b had a problem but they patched it)

what's up next ?

M$ + Comcast =? reverse-engineering platform (1)

Doc Ruby (173196) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495282)

The DCT2000 box would be nice to control with more than just their IR remote - it's got digital/analog cable RFin, TV RFout, probably an RF ADC/DAC, probably a RISC, RAM, serial, and other IO, probably MPEG2 HW, etc - and they go for less than $50 at eBay etc. The DCT2000 is also at the heart of the DCP501 [] home theater system - a nice pile of A/V gear to hack around. But I can't even find any tech specs published. Could the MS IPG SW be a starting point for hacking these cheap embedded video processors to some open source OS, like Linux, QNX or *BSD? Or is there already a solution for opening these devices to SW development, where the OSS community can compete with the MS offering thru innovation?

the tagline being (1)

KingPrad (518495) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495346)

"Microsoft TV - we know what you're watching today"

With that headline... (2, Funny)

Stalemate (105992) | more than 11 years ago | (#6495367)

I first thought comcast was going to be offering some channel similar to Court TV dedicated to showing Microsoft trials.
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