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Scout Walker Kama Sutra

michael posted more than 10 years ago | from the viewer-discretion-advised dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 269

EvilXenu writes "What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex? Be sure to don your peril-sensitive glass before visiting. Graphical descriptions abound, such as: 'This is one of the few practical positions in which turretal stimulation of the rear sensor array can be comfortably attempted for any length of time without both of you having to disengage your leg stirrups.'"

cancel ×

269 comments

just two words: I want !!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714716)

just two words: I want !!!!!

Re:just two words: I want !!!!! (1)

sniser2 (624542) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714926)

This site exists for one purpose: ad impressions. And oh they're buying, aren't they.. =/

First Post (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714719)

First Post!

argh. slashdotted (-1, Redundant)

dtfinch (661405) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714722)

I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.

Re:argh. slashdotted (5, Funny)

Lord Custos (518206) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714739)

Now the site is almost unresponsive
Improper lubrication Error.
Disengage procreator in ODN Conduit u01.
Inject 10W40 into port.
If this error repeats, reboot libido and try again.

Re:argh. slashdotted (4, Funny)

Zeinfeld (263942) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714746)

I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.

This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.

Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.

Re:argh. slashdotted (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714954)

I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.
This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.

Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.


Of course. Any serious geek would first mirror the site with wget to avoid a slashdotting...

CHAPTER 6?!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714768)

Chapter six is afterplay, go to sleep you pussy!

Re:argh. slashdotted (2, Funny)

vjmurphy (190266) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714871)

"I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive. "

You got that far? I was still trying to get into Position 2 in Chapter 3. But my partner Scout Walker has a "sensor-ache" so she turned around and powered off.

Hmmm, is there a chapter on Scout Walker Self Love...

Goatsex dude in Jail (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714938)

enuf [thisislondon.co.uk] said.

KARMA? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714723)

What does this have to do with karma?
What do you mean I'm a karma whore?

Welcome ! (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714724)

I, for one, look forward to welcoming our new erotic Imperial war machine overlords.

And I said... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714726)

"Hey baby, wanna check out my light saber?" And then I pulled out my fully functional light saber, and she left.

This is wrong. (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714729)

Very wrong.

But funny. :)

Re:This is wrong. (2, Insightful)

va1entino (689269) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714945)

Dude, seriously. It's not even funny. Just really, really stupid.

Yoda Says (1)

linuxisfreedom (667307) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714730)

Afraid be you, very afraid

Question (5, Funny)

BAPenguin (583491) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714732)

Will this be a Star Wars Galaxies expanision pack?

LUNIX SUCKS!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714734)

LUNIX SUCKS!!!!!! LOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

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Yoda says (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714738)

Begin, this porn war has.

Re:Yoda says (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714921)

WRONG, MOTHERFUCKER!
No +1, funny for you, cock-bite.

The correct wording is:
"Begun, the porn war has."

Here's the text - it is sd'ed. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714740)

Welcome to the Earth edition of the Scout Walker Kama Sutra at www.scoutwalker.com

Within the site you will find many beautiful and erotic pictures illustrating the positions and practices Scout Walkers indulge in their more private, intimate moments that generally go unconsidered by the interstella media at large. It's hard to know how to subtly alter this site with sexual innuendos. These intelligent machines share a common bond with all other known races - a passion for passion.

We hope you find your visit to this site exciting, informative and educational. It is our wish that you will leave this site with a better awareness of the culture and individuality of cybernetic and robotic races you would otherwise have continued to perceive as souless production-line killing machines thoughtlessly bent on conquest and bloody carnage alone.

The Scout Walker Kama Sutra (all editions) was shot entirely in the county of Cambridgeshire, England, Earth during the Novembers of 1999, 2000 and 2001. Our thanks and appreciation go out to the RAF for the extended use of Bixby Hangar. We left it as we found it.

Foreplay is very important and erotic, but doesn't make massively sexy photos. So if you're just here for a quick wank, slip to Chapter Two which has some good pictures of Oral Sex.

Before Foreplay - if you have the chance - you should try and make yourself presentable and also set the scene. Even as a rampaging killing-machine out on the battlefield for weeks at a time you can still 'be prepared' by following basic daily hygiene as much as is practical. Cleaning you teeth, descaling your turrets, bathing daily - all are important not just in attraction of a mate but to prevent them pounding away screaming from your side when your drop your fetid armour and reveal the true putrescence beneath.

Anyway, if you can get past this stage but can both resist getting down to some serious humping there and then, we reach the issue of Foreplay - getting each other aroused and getting comfortable with each others bodies. Having a bit of a look round. Getting it up.

What things go better together indeed (?) (4, Funny)

Rosco P. Coltrane (209368) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714743)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

Re:What things go better together indeed (?) (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714773)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

you forgot the word "fantasies" at the end of that

this is Slashdot ya know!

Re:What things go better together indeed (?) (4, Funny)

los furtive (232491) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714936)

This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.

Click here to add 2-6 inches to your light-sabre in only three months!

geeks? sex? star wars roleplaying? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714745)

yeah that will be the day!

What goes better together than Star Wars and sex? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714748)

Um.... mares and sex?

Re:What goes better together than Star Wars and se (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714957)

Hey! that's my line.

Irony Defined (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714749)

A story about sex and sci fi read by an audience home on a Saturday night

Re:Irony Defined (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714810)

A story about sex and sci fi read by an audience home on a Saturday night

Ummm...what?

"Irony is a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result."

see also http://www.guardian.co.uk/Print/0,3858,4699357,00. html [guardian.co.uk]

Re:Irony Defined (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714855)

There is a lot of SciFi containing sex.. nothing unexpected.. there are a lot of nerds who read them, even on saturday night - because they are nerds - duh. Nothing unexpected.

http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

But isn't it ironic that you are defining irony without knowing what it is? Don't you think? ;)

Oh, baby... (5, Funny)

Lord Custos (518206) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714750)

You, Me...and an AT-AT Walker... ...
Hey, Baby...don't be like that. No-one will ever know you got freaky with a robeast of the four-legged persuasion.
Uh...what are you doing with that tow cable and thermite grenade?

Re:Oh, baby... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714873)

uh, those on the site were actually AT-ST... but funny, nonetheless, since the AT-AT had 4 legs...

Re:Oh, baby... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714898)

Weren't robeasts from Voltron?

Re:Oh, baby... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714933)

Robot Beast. Get it? I think the walkers qualify.

Mmmmm... (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714753)

Princess Leia in a gold bikini. Jabba was a smart man.

Unfortunately... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714793)

Carrie Fisher is now fat and ugly. Welcome to the real world where time ravages beauty. Blech.

Re:Mmmmm... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714806)

I like how that gets modded up as "Insightful".

Re:Mmmmm... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714941)

Real smart... She keelt his fat ass!

Humorous quote (2, Funny)

Gryftir (161058) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714756)

"Far better to lean back, look up at the sky and blast off a few bolts in pleasure where they can do little harm. Be careful of airborne wildlife though - it's not only gratuitous and irresponsible to incinerate fowl in the throes of passion, but it's also something of a passion-killer when frying avian corpses begin to land on you. Be warned: this may even develop into a perverse requirement for gratification if done often enough at the vital moments.

Stories abound, however, that on Targus IV the course of battle was turned fortuitously by a gouging scoutwalker giving so much pleasure that its virginal recipient quite unknowingly blasted three entire attack wings of Targan Light Cruisers - on their way to defend the crumbling front line - clean out of the sky as they shot overhead."

from The Gouging Bull, under the Oral sex link [churchofthegrey.com]

Kyle... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714759)

... this shit's pretty fucked right here, dude.

Sad (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714766)

Truly sad. Slashdot has hit an all-time low.

This gives me a headache (1)

heinousjay (683506) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714774)

Everyone knows that Babylon 5 erotic fiction is far superior to Star Wars. What kind of losers are these people, anyway?

To be fair (5, Funny)

Faust7 (314817) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714777)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.

Re:To be fair (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714795)

You definitely don't have a girlfriend.

Re:To be fair (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714799)

You definitely don't have a sense of humour.

Re:To be fair (5, Funny)

SaDan (81097) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714797)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.


I'd have said a woman and sex. But maybe I'm the freak around here...

Re:To be fair (1)

EvilTwinSkippy (112490) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714915)

You are assuming that everyone posting to slashdot is human.

Re:To be fair (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714948)

I'd have said a woman and sex.

That is so wrong.

NUMEROUS women and sex! As many as can fit to rub up against me and for me to see rubbing up against each other, with lots of licking and sucking and wandering hands.

Oh yeah!

Re:To be fair (5, Funny)

Carrion Creeper (673888) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714820)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.


not if you have all of your ports properly blocked off

Re:To be fair (1)

Spunk (83964) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714885)

Ahh, the Linux Loving Sluts [phrozen-neon.com] .

Re:To be fair (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714888)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.


Hmm...I know "Star Wars" and I know "Linux", but what is this second thing? Secks?

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.


Dude, I think you meant "Linux and GNU/Sex".

Re:To be fair (2, Funny)

justforaday (560408) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714920)

What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?

Linux and sex. Duh.


shows what i know...i would've answered linux and star wars... :-/

But as we all know... (5, Funny)

rasafras (637995) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714787)

This is of no practical use to slashdotters.

Re:But as we all know... (3, Funny)

Phyz (543291) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714801)

nonsense, I'm sure there are slashdotters that revel at the thought of Star Wars

Re:But as we all know... (1)

bad_fx (493443) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714826)

....Is that because scout walkers prefer reading kuro5hin or something...?

Even Scout Walkers .... (1)

Dareth (47614) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714934)

get laid more than your typical slashdotter it appears!!!

Umm... anybody remember any women piloting these things, or is thing going to get real GAY real fast?!?

Is it wrong? (1, Funny)

mikeophile (647318) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714802)

Is it wrong for an plastic model to give me a chubby?

Not counting Pamela Anderson, of course.

Re:Is it wrong? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714958)

Yes. Please cull yourself from the human race now.

What two things go better together than.... (1)

DigitalReligion (684511) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714807)

Star wars and sex?


Slashdot and not getting laid?

New Slogan (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714809)

May the intercourse be with you!

amazing. (1)

Guano_Jim (157555) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714821)

These guys are geniuses.

This is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, so that people can create new works of entertainment without getting their arses sued off by the original artists' great-grand children.

Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?

Re:amazing. (2)

bersl2 (689221) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714928)

Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?

They'd be C&D'ed within 48 hours of discovery.

That's why you put a disclaimer that prevents all representatives of Company X, Y, and Z (which includes lawyers) from continuing past the front page, and you claim what you are doing is parody, which is, IIRC, fair use.

To quote somebody who has done this: "I will spit in the eye of the eternal copyright.... Free speech does not protect me. The claim of parody is a flimsy tin shield before the hordes of bloodthirsty lawyers. Copyright law is an ever-shifting quicksand beneath my feet...."

Re:amazing. (1)

EvilTwinSkippy (112490) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714943)

The issue is not Copyright infringement, it's Trademark Infringement.

Actually, they could use Disney figures so long as the material was used in the contect of an original art work. They would still get their asses sued, but legally they'd be in the clear.

Re:amazing. (1)

notque (636838) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714947)

These guys are geniuses.

This is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, so that people can create new works of entertainment without getting their arses sued off by the original artists' great-grand children.

Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?


If this is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, then my stance on the issue has changed.

I think this would be the counter arguement for copyright expiration as opposed to the need for it. Even though I'm sure as a parody (of what I don't know... sex?) it already would fall under the "won't get me sued."

Doesn't make it any funnier though.

Has Anyone... (1)

tds67 (670584) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714822)

...done the Princess Lay-ya joke yet?

Re:Has Anyone... (1)

notque (636838) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714955)

No, but our overlords have been welcomed.

Ow (5, Funny)

IIRCAFAIKIANAL (572786) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714823)

My brain just made this popping noise when I tried to figure out who the audience for this could possibly be...

Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot....

Re:Ow (2, Funny)

IIRCAFAIKIANAL (572786) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714843)

Hey, there was just an ad for Star Trek enterprise. Something about needing three to mate, and pictures.

Man, if we could somehow channel all this horny geek energy into, say, operating system development, we could have a free unix clone of some kind, i bet...

Re:Ow (2, Funny)

telstar (236404) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714918)

"Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot...."
  • I assume you're referring to the fact that it's smoke that makes chips work? After all, when the chips start smoking, they stop working...

Re:Ow (2, Funny)

IIRCAFAIKIANAL (572786) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714942)

Heh, at least one person got it. =)

I'm a robot, dontcha know?

Phew. Not so bad as feared (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714824)

...I thought it was *Scott Walker* kamasutra for a few nasty moments...

ok... (0, Offtopic)

eddiecore (592547) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714827)

all-time low for /.

So few comments... (1)

kacp (188529) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714830)

*gasp* Are people actually...reading the article?

Re:So few comments... (1)

Gherald (682277) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714854)

Well, I'd wager a few are going for the "quick wank" suggested in Foreplay.

Re:So few comments... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714940)

Uh, yeah, reading the article. NOT looking at the pictures.

I read "anal sex" (2, Informative)

bindman (698767) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714831)

My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says). This star wars stuff is getting out of control. Ever wonder what goes on upstairs in the Star Trek bar they have there on the Enterprise?

Re:I read "anal sex" (3, Funny)

tds67 (670584) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714846)

My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says).

Ah, yes...the dark side of the force.

Re:I read "anal sex" (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714895)

Boromir is dead!?!?!?? Thanks a lot dickweed for spoiling it.

Dumbest Thing on the Internet (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714837)

I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially. Lord knows we've seen a lot, haven't we, brothers and sisters, lo these past few years? AmIhot/annoying, dancing baby, Mahir, Star Wars Kid, that Peter Pan Guy. But here on this day August 16th, 2003, I think we can say this is easily the most egregious waste of bandwidth ever.

I feel dimished for having clicked it, but somehow renewed and newly energized for having survived the experience.

It's all sunshine and lollypops from here on out, kids.

-- Spudnuts

Mod parent up! (2, Funny)

toddestan (632714) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714911)

I was about to post basically the same thing, but I see it has already been done. I agree that has to be the biggest waste of time ever, right up there with the site that has plastic lawn furniture sex.

Oh well.... now back to rating people on hotornot.com

sex? what's that? (1)

dema (103780) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714856)

Slashdotters, raise your hand if you have a girlfriend!

....
...
..
.

That's what I thought.

Re:sex? what's that? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714875)

Some of us have boyfriends. Maybe you should have just said "partner"?

Re:sex? what's that? (2, Funny)

EvilTwinSkippy (112490) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714922)

I'm married. My wife would kill me if I raised my hand.

wow (1)

mattcnate (552353) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714860)

just wow

This is too much.. (0, Troll)

pair-a-noyd (594371) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714862)

Someone had way too much time on his hands
and a very shallow mind.

Mod article down, -5 retarded..

This has got to be (0, Flamebait)

abolith (204863) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714867)

one of the dumbest, most pathetic things I have seen in a long time...

Huh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6714870)

Excuse, me... What's that "sex" thing you're talking about?

Does it run Linux?

Re:Huh? (1)

Hakubi_Washu (594267) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714905)

You don't know your Assembler Mnemonics well:

SEX - Set EXecution register [real on the RCA1802]
SEX - Sign EXtend
and I seem to recall
SEX - Software EXchange :-)

Remember Episode II? (1)

futuresheep (531366) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714872)

George Lucas managed to prove that Star Wars and Sex are two mutually exclusive domains.

Re:Remember Episode II? (1)

Slur (61510) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714892)

...and that if you really want to get with Natalie Portman it helps to be an emotionally unbalanced mass-murderer.

Darth Hungus (4, Funny)

Cornelius Chesterfie (604463) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714880)

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Scott Walker Kama Sutra (1)

Thing 1 (178996) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714891)

I read it wrong. I thought, "Who is Scott Walker, and why should I care what sex he has?"

Oh well.

hmm... (0)

Dorothy 86 (677356) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714899)

the average /.er come across the page and thinks....

"hmm... I've heard of this 'sex' before, I wonder at its promiscuity." and then moves along to the latest apple release.

*sigh* what a sad life a geek has:(

This raises a whole bunch of questions: (3, Funny)

JRHelgeson (576325) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714906)

What kind of lube do they use? Would KY cause them to rust? Baby oil out of the question?

They probably use WD40 or 10w30 for massage, and wheel bearing grease as anal lube.

Re:This raises a whole bunch of questions: (3, Informative)

flikx (191915) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714937)

Baby oil (mineral oil) is what I use for lubing up robots. My robot has derlin blocks holding aluminum rods that slide through to brace the pneumatic cylinders from lateral forces. Petroleum lubricants will destroy the derlin.

Lacking.... (1)

Tsali (594389) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714916)

... if it were completely lacking taste, it would have had some sort of "Shaft" theme going on in the background.

Time to go to the attic, hook up the phono, and get down with the "collection."

Move along... (1)

filledwithloathing (635304) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714929)

These are not the Scout Walkers having sex that you're looking for.

Darth Lube (2, Funny)

xQuarkDS9x (646166) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714930)

I find your lack of librication disturbing...

What, no gold bikini shots? (4, Funny)

cblguy (697834) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714939)

A scout walker in a gold bikini woulda been hot! Whenever I think of a sexy Star Wars moment... Either that, or kissing my sister.. wait. Yuck!

This site reminds me of Furnitureporn.com [furnitureporn.com]

A sequel? (1)

xQuarkDS9x (646166) | more than 10 years ago | (#6714946)

Do we get to see a sequel? The big AT-AT's doing it? :D
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