Beta
×

Welcome to the Slashdot Beta site -- learn more here. Use the link in the footer or click here to return to the Classic version of Slashdot.

Thank you!

Before you choose to head back to the Classic look of the site, we'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts on the Beta; your feedback is what drives our ongoing development.

Beta is different and we value you taking the time to try it out. Please take a look at the changes we've made in Beta and  learn more about it. Thanks for reading, and for making the site better!

Hall Of Technical Documentation Weirdness

timothy posted more than 10 years ago | from the tab-a-slot-65901 dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 437

An anonymous reader submits: "Generally speaking, with the exception of Tina on Dilbert, technical writers aren't very funny. This is something of a rare and unintentional exception. This guy has assembled a bunch of examples of bizarre technical illustration. There's only about 15 at the moment, but he's collecting further examples."

cancel ×

437 comments

Sorry! There are no comments related to the filter you selected.

fp (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803722)

first posssssst!

SCO: The GNAA-Nigerian connection (hi timothy) (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803723)

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am Mr. Darl McBride currently serving as the president and chief executive officer of the SCO Group, formerly known as Caldera Systems International, in Lindon, Utah, United States of America. I know this letter might surprise you because we have had no previous communications or business dealings before now.

My associates have recently made claim to computer softwares worth an estimated $1 billion U.S. dollars. I am writing to you in confidence because we urgently require your assistance to obtain these funds.

In the early 1970s the American Telephone and Telegraph corporation developed at great expense the computer operating system software known as UNIX. Unfortunately the laws of my country prohibited them from selling these softwares and so their valuable source codes remained privately held. Under a special arrangement some programmers from the California University of Berkeley did add more codes to this operating system, increasing its value, but not in any way to dilute or disparage our full and rightful ownership of these codes, despite any agreement between American Telephone and Telegraph and the California University of Berkeley, which agreement we deny and disavow.

In the year 1984 a change of regime in my country allowed the American Telephone and Telegraph corporation to make profits from these softwares. In the year 1990 ownership of these softwares was transferred to the corporation UNIX System Laboratories. In the year 1993 this corporation was sold to the corporation Novell. In the year 1994 some employees of Novell formed the corporation Caldera Systems International, which began to distribute an upstart operating system known as Linux. In the year 1995 Novell sold the UNIX software codes to SCO. In the year 2001 occurred a separation of SCO, and the SCO brand name and UNIX codes were acquired by the Caldera Systems International, and in the following year the Caldera Systems International was renamed SCO Group, of which i currently serve as chief executive officer.

My associates and I of the SCO Group are therefore the full and rightful owners of the operating system softwares known as UNIX. Our engineers have discovered that no fewer than seventy (70) lines of our valuable and proprietary source codes have appeared in the upstart operating system Linux. As you can plainly see, this gives us a claim on the millions of lines of valuable software codes which comprise this Linux and which has been sold at great profit to very many business enterprises. Our legal experts have advised us that our contribution to these codes is worth an estimated one (1) billion U.S. dollars.

Unfortunately we are having difficulty extracting our funds from these computer softwares. To this effect i have been given the mandate by my colleagues to contact you and ask for your assistance. We are prepared to sell you a share in this enterprise, which will soon be very profitable, that will grant you the rights to use these valuable softwares in your business enterprise. Unfortunately we are not able at this time to set a price on these rights. Therefore it is our respectful suggestion, that you may be immediately a party to this enterprise, before others accept these lucrative terms, that you send us the number of a banking account where we can withdraw funds of a suitable amount to guarantee your participation in this enterprise. As an alternative you may send us the number and expiration date of your major credit card, or you may send to us a signed check from your banking account payable to "SCO Group" and with the amount left blank for us to conveniently supply.

Kindly treat this request as very important and strictly confidential. I honestly assure you that this transaction is 100% legal and risk-free.

Signed, GNAA president

PS. If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

________________________________________________
| ______________________________________._a,____ |
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ |
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ |
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ |
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ |
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ |
| _________#1__________?________________________ |
| _________j1___________________________________ |
| ____a,___jk_GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_ |
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ |
| ______-"!^____________________________________ |
` _______________________________________________'

Re:SCO: The GNAA-Nigerian connection (hi timothy) (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803740)

Three of the SCO's board members are graduates of the Brigham Young University, and Darl McBride worked closely with Stephen Covey before joining SCO. Many references are made to the Canopy Group but who controls them? A somewhat dark organization called Angel Investors who as it turns out are not publicly traded and are owned outright by the Mormon Church!

Hall of Dubya's weirdness !!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803725)

Dubya's resume:
  • I attacked and took over two countries.
  • I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
  • I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.
  • I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
  • I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
  • I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
  • I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
  • In my first year in office Iset the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
  • After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, Ipresided over the worst security failure in US history.
  • I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by any president in US history.
  • In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
  • I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
  • I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
  • I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
  • I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
  • I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other president in US history.
  • I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
  • I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
  • I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
  • I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind
  • I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
  • I 've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
  • Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.)
  • I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
  • I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
  • I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and Idid so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
  • I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
  • I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history.
  • I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
  • I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
  • I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of Congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
  • I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
  • I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
  • I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
  • I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.
  • I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
  • The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
  • I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
  • I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force1).
  • I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
  • I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9-11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
  • I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
  • I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
  • I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
  • I set the all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
  • I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
  • In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the civil war.
  • I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down, record unemployment being the most recent achievement.
Records and References
  • I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas drug conviction has been erased and is not available).
  • I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
  • I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
  • All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
  • All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
  • All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which Iserved on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
  • Any records or minutes from meetings I(or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

Re:Hall of Dubya's weirdness !!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803988)

Dumbass.

Half of those things you mentioned could not have been Bush's fault, since the events that caused them to occur actually happened while Clinton was president. Perhaps you remember Clinton ordering the lobbing of cruise missiles at Afghanistan from afar? What do you think predicated attacks on us? And I seem to recall Mr. Clinton exempting plenty of people from plenty of things (like SUV's from gas mileage restrictions perhaps) that caused more need for oil than at any other point in history. Furthermore, it was the greed and largesse of Clinton's administration (after all, WorldCom, Enron, et al. started ripping people off during his administration, not Bush's) that lead to the current views that people need to surpass the Joneses.

Also, a list like this would be way more believeable with some sources. However, as is typical of all anti-whatever rhetoric, there are none.

SCO controlled by the Mormon Church!? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803732)

Three of SCO's board members are graduates of Brigham Young University, and Darl McBride worked closely with Stephen Covey before joining SCO. Many references are made to the Canopy Group but who controls them? A somewhat dark organization called Angel Investors who as it turns out are not publicly traded and are owned outright by the Mormon Church!

Sex with a redhead (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803739)

Yesterday I was feeling like having some black pussy, but today I'd like to have sex with a redhead with freckles on her face.

Others (5, Funny)

L-s-L69 (700599) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803742)

To go with... McDonalds coffee: "May be hot." Ready meals: "Remove plastic before cooking" Nitol (sleep tablets) "May cause drowsyness" Laxitives "exessive consumption may produce laxitive effect." The list is endless.

Re:Others (5, Funny)

91degrees (207121) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803822)

Peanuts - "May contain peanuts". I really like the lack of certainty with this one.

Re:Others (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803826)

On a packet of peanuts

"May contain traces of nuts"

Re:Others (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803934)

Peanuts are legumes, not really nuts

Re:Others (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803951)

Extreme allergies to nuts are a very big problem. It's not like you just get a bit of an itch or feel a little nauseous, if you're allergic to nuts it's highly likely you can completely stop breathing or go into a coma caused by the effects of them. You can't be too careful; I'm not allergic myself, but it's a fairly common allergy.

Re:Others (2, Funny)

JanneM (7445) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803850)

Actually, Ie done that with a pizza. It came in a sort of plastic tray with a tear-off plastic cover. The instructions was to "remove the cover and put the pizza in the oven". I was tired, unfocused (and had had quite a few beers), so I removed the plastic cover, and put the pizza in the oven - still in the plastic tray.

It takes quite a bit of work to get rid of melted, burnt, pizza-flavoured plastic from an oven.

Re:Others (5, Funny)

Yxes (7776) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803876)

it's in our speech everday though.

"I found it in the last place that I looked"
- why would you keep looking?

"needless to say"
- then why say it?

"no offense but..."
- you know you're about to be offended

"new and improved"
- if it's new? how can you improve it?

"save money by purchasing..."
- really?

on a tv ad for bioflex
"to loose the weight you need to add muscle..."
- really?

this list too is endless...

Re:Others (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803889)

My favorite was the warning on children's cough syrup to "not operate heavy equipment or drive". They may have removed the warning by now; my youngest child is 22 now.

Re:Others (5, Funny)

MikeCT (686254) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803894)

From an IBM manual: "The difference between a database management system and other systems is that a database management system helps manage the database for you ...."

An here's a comment taken from a COBOL program I once had to maintain. It actually does make sense if you manage to guess the right punctuation:
"If not amending after total blank lines are shuffled up after total blanked lines are left blank in table to avoid shuffling."

Re:Others (2, Interesting)

zx75 (304335) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803899)

Hey, you know what? I have a cousin who has screwed up a pizza-in-a-box twice now, once because he didn't take off the plastic, and the second time because he didn't take the cardboard out from under it...

Maybe some people need those warnings. :)

Re:Others (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803921)


Condom Wrappers: May not protect you from the filthy faggot diseases carried by Rob Malda.

Re:Others (-1)

cmdr_shithead (527909) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803923)

I like my coffee the way I like my women: anally.

huh i laughed at all two of em. (-1, Redundant)

towaz (445789) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803743)

will give it.

-5 Funny

--

Story Moderation (-1, Flamebait)

KrunZ (247479) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803857)

Seriously, when do we get moderations on stories? It would be very helpful with Redundant, Interesting, Funny aso


-5, move along sir, nothing to see here

Re:Story Moderation (-1, Redundant)

towaz (445789) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803888)

+5 Redundant

--

Uhhh they are not that weird... (0)

GMOL (122258) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803745)

They just seem like normal 'ol technical illustrations...

Rotten examples (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803792)

A cute idea but he chose really boring, prosaic examples. In fact, in a fit of glorious self-reference, I think he should refer to his own page as an example of a poorly conceived, somewhat bizarre product of a technical writer...

poo (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803752)

Oh Well. (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803756)

I was oh so hoping there'd be something amusing waiting for me when I clicked through to this guys site. This guys sense of humor includes laughing at perfectly normal operation instructions because they contain "lots of arrows"? ...yawn... Did anyone really read this site before posting this lame-ass story?

Re:Oh Well. (1)

bgp4 (62558) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803785)

Odd sense of humor? He must be a tech writer... oh wait...

THE ARTICLE FAILS IT! (5, Funny)

wheany (460585) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803757)

Might contain traces of funny.

Re:THE ARTICLE FAILS IT! (5, Funny)

marcop (205587) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803891)

Since this article lacks any humor, maybe we should start posting some funny signs/symbols of our own. Here is a link to some funny swat team hand jestures:
[xbox-scene.com]
http://forums.xbox-scene.com/index.php?act=ST&f= 19 &t=92950&s=56a40001faa4bd14000861cbfa22fc0 2

I ran across a site containing funny interpretations of airplane safety literature but I couldn't find it at the moment.

Re:THE ARTICLE FAILS IT! (3, Funny)

Heywood Yabuzof (255017) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803932)


Here you go. [airtoons.com]

i know (4, Funny)

mothrathegreat (542532) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803759)

since noone seems to find it funny I guess we ought to slashdot it

Re:i know (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803858)

Done.

Only about 15 ?! (5, Funny)

itsme1234 (199680) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803761)

There are 12 exhibits, they're even numbered if you can't count to 12 ...

---
"There's only about 15 at the moment, but he's collecting further examples."
---

Re:Only about 15 ?! (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803849)

That's an example of funny technical documentation. I'd laugh if my new Dell came with:

"About one optical drive"

"About 518MB RAM"

"About a 17" monitor"

"About one keyboard"

it's getting slashdotted .. mirror the site plz (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803762)

thanks!

DONE (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803825)

mirror here [goatse.cx]

MOD. PARENT. UP. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803871)

n/t

Re:DONE (1)

mnmonte (617110) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803875)

How can you send someone to that site. I've been tricked into going there by friends a long time ago and that site is just out right wrong.

Re:DONE (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803967)

Poor you. There's a mirror over at Tubgirl Mirror Services [tubgirl.com] .

REFUND! (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803763)

This article sucks

Meh. (3, Funny)

thoolie (442789) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803764)

Meh...not the best, but if you are looking for a laugh this morning, check out maddox.xmission.com! (If you really want to laugh, look for the article "Why I am better than your kids".) :-)

Re:Meh. (1)

supersmike (563905) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803968)

Good recommendation. So good I bookmarked it.

Full force and effect (1, Funny)

EmagGeek (574360) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803772)

Holy Slashdot, Batman! There's smoke coming out of our webserver!

Not too weird... (5, Insightful)

jdreed1024 (443938) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803773)

Some of these are simply translated as "The person who wrote this doesn't understand this device".

For example, in number "11", it's pretty clear it's not a fridge, but an A/V rack. (that being why it's included with a DVD player). And it's saying "Don't wheel the A/V rack towards you over uneven surfaces, or you'll end up underneath it writhing in pain".

Exhibit 9 is not that stupid - it's pretty clear it's not a cartoon speaking bubble, but rather intimating that somewhere on your computer is a USB port.

Exihibit 5: "I like it because it says 'insert trousers'" Huh? It's weird because it's correct English? Or it's weird because it's telling you what to do? Or it's weird because this guy doesn't know what "trousers" means? It's a pants press - how is it weird for it to tell you to insert your pants into the rack?

Move along folks, nothing to see here.

Re:Not too weird... (1)

marcop (205587) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803828)

For example, in number "11", it's pretty clear it's not a fridge, but an A/V rack

Correct. Also, that particular symbol is rather standard. a UL engineer gave me the same symbol to use in my User's manual for a large LCD display.

Re:Not too weird... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803855)

You really ought to get a sense of humor. The guy is NOT being serious. Lighten up.

It's weird! (1)

zonix (592337) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803907)

And it's saying "Don't wheel the A/V rack towards you over uneven surfaces, or you'll end up underneath it writhing in pain".

Which is still useless information when there are lots of ways to break your skull, anyway. I feel many of these warning sign etc. are just disclaimers put in place so you don't sue the manufacturers for being stupid. Somewhat ridiculous, but good for a laugh sometimes.

They should just stick to showing how you don't break the device you have just bought. Granted, advice on not trying to fix your tv is in order - high voltage warnings, and such.

z

Oh where can I find.... (5, Funny)

ThosLives (686517) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803774)

A picture of my favorite:

On a Caterpillar trench digger, there was this funny picture of a NO sign around a chainsaw looking thing and a caption that said, "Engage crowd control before operating".

because-trench-diggers-control-crowds

timmah (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803775)

YOU RETARDED FAGGOT. FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!

--
forbidden html: faggot, homo, retard, timmah, taco, homos, michael "nazi" sims

japanese toilets (4, Funny)

bobba22 (566693) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803777)

I don't know how many other people out there have experienced Japanese toilets, but let me tell you, you don't need an instruction manual, you need someone to come and show you how to use those things. You don't wanna be pressing the wrong button at the wrong time, I can assure you from personal experience, makes my eyes water just thinking about it.

Re:japanese toilets (5, Funny)

DrSkwid (118965) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803922)

If it made your eyes water you *were* doing somthing wrong.

I prefered it when it watered other parts of my anatomy.

And the Japanese are totally on the ball with this one, having warm water sprayed on my ass was the highlight of my overnight stay.

Re:japanese toilets (1)

Bios_Hakr (68586) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803954)

What's so complicated about a 18" trench with a hole at one end and a half-bowl at the other?

Oh, you meant the other Japanese toilets. The ones in a bathroom so small that you can't figure out how to close the door while you are inside the bathroom.

I love Tokyo so much. Truck-stop ramen p0wn3z. Truck-stop bathrooms 5ux0r5.

Yes, RTLMS (Read the linux manauls) (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803779)

You will laugh at the engrish (or frenglish if youre using MANdrake). and half written manuals with missing sections.

Can you figure out what this means without reading the manual?

ln -s "-1, flamebait" "5, informative".

Re:Yes, RTLMS (Read the linux manauls) (1)

Jeremy Erwin (2054) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803947)

I believe the commonly accepted term is not "frenglish" but " le Franglais"

morons document /. corepirate nazi alliance (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803783)

that right. they (va lairIE/robbIE et AL) just do it for the phonIE monIE. we're sure it did not begin that way, but as we know, so goes the daze of our LIEves. that's not weird, just a little disheartening.

lookout bullow.

more/bad/worse ?pr? ?firm? scriptdead corepirate nazi stock markup FraUD mumbo jumbo is coming to a blog near you to daze.

that's right, after the walking dead finish exterminating themselves, & sadly enough, some of us, it won't take long to clean up this cesspool of greed/fear execrable.

we're calling it the planet/population rescue program (formerly unknown as the oil for babies initiatve).

the Godless wons are helping by continuing to show where their hearts lie.

what's wrong with folks selling their kode? if it causes convenience, & interoperates with all the other kode on the planet, we say, no harm, no foul, so long as you fail to employ gangsterious/felonious practices to asphyxiate the 'competition'. sabotaging your free version of anything is a tad dastardly. if there's value added, without FUDging up the compatability, we'll pay. same with music. no more gouging dough though.

fortunately, mr stallman et AL, etcetera, is now offering comparable/superior software, to the payper liesense spy/bug wear feechurned models, in almost every circumstance. there'll be few, if any more softwar billyonerrors, as if there's a need for even won. tell 'em robbIE. you are won of the last wons whois soul DOWt, right? .asp for va lairIE's whoreabull pateNTdead PostBlock(tm) devise?, used against the truth/to protect robbIE's payper liesense stock markup bosses/corepirate nazi 'sponsors'. yuk.

back on task.

what might happen to US if unprecedented evile/the felonious georgewellian southern baptist freemason fuddite rain of error, fails to be intervened on?

you already know that too. stop pretending. it doesn't help/makes things worse.

they could burn up the the main processor. that would be the rapidly heating planet/population, in case you're still pretending not to notice.

of course, having to badtoll va lairIE's whoreabully infactdead, pateNTdead PostBlock(tm) devise, robbIE's ego, the walking dead, etc..., doesn't slow us down a bit.

that's right. those foulcurrs best get ready to see the light. the WANing daze of the phonIE greed/fear/ego based, thieving/murdering payper liesense hostage taking stock markup FraUD georgewellian fuddite execrable are #ed. talk about a wormIE cesspool of deception? eradicating yOUR domestic corepirate nazi terrorist/gangsters will be the new national pastime.

communications will improve, using whatever power sources are available.

you gnu/software folks are to be commended. we'd be nearly doomed by now (instead, we're opening yet another isp service) without y'all. the check's in the mail again.

meanwhile... for those yet to see the light.

don't come crying to us when there's only won channel/os left.

nothing has changed since the last phonIE ?pr? ?firm? generated 'news' brIEf. lots of good folks/innocents are being killed/mutilated daily by the walking dead. if anything the situations are continuing to deteriorate. you already know that.

the posterboys for grand larcenIE/deception would include any & all of the walking dead who peddle phonIE stock markup payper to millions of hardworking conservative folks, & then, after stealing/spending/disappearing the real dough, pretend that nothing ever happened. sound familiar robbIE? these fauxking corepirate nazi larcens, want us to pretend along with them, whilst they continue to squander yOUR "investmeNTs", on their soul DOWt craving for excess/ego gratification. yuk

no matter their ceaseless efforts to block the truth from you, the tasks (planet/population rescue) will be completed.

the lights are coming up now.

you can pretend all you want. our advise is to be as far away from the walking dead contingent as possible, when the big flash occurs. you wouldn't want to get any of that evile on you.

as to the free unlimited energy plan, as the lights come up, more&more folks will stop being misled into sucking up more&more of the infant killing barrolls of crudeness, & learn that it's more than ok to use newclear power generated by natural (hydro, solar, etc...) methods. of course more information about not wasting anything/behaving less frivolously is bound to show up, here&there.

cyphering how many babies it costs for a barroll of crudeness, we've decided to cut back, a lot, on wasteful things like giving monIE to felons, to help them destroy the planet/population.

no matter. the #1 task is planet/population rescue. the lights are coming up. we're in crisis mode. you can help.

the unlimited power (such as has never been seen before) is freely available to all, with the possible exception of the aforementioned walking dead.

consult with/trust in yOUR creator. more breathing. vote with yOUR wallet. seek others of non-aggressive intentions/behaviours. that's the spirit, moving you.

pay no heed/monIE to the greed/fear based walking dead.

each harmed innocent carries with it a bad toll. it will be repaid by you/us. the Godless felons will not be available to make reparations.

pay attention. that's definitely affordable, plus, collectively, you might develop skills which could prevent you from being misled any further by phonIE ?pr? ?firm? generated misinformation.

good work so far. there's still much to be done. see you there. tell 'em robbIE.

as has been noted before, lookout bullow.

Re:morons document /. corepirate nazi alliance (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803987)

This is, without a doubt, one of the strangest trolls I have ever encountered on Slashdot. The same type of thing has been posted several times, always by an anonymous coward, and always with the same bizarre spelling and grammar.

It's like they're on drugs or something. Does anyone know who this is, or if it's a bot ? Because it's really starting to bug me now.

Look out bullow, indeed.

duh (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803784)

I pity the fools humour as there is nothing exceptionally funny on that site (unless you haven't left the house for 30 years)

I used to like the japanese... (5, Funny)

BadSeqtor (605435) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803790)

...but now I'm not that sure [hellonavi.com] any more...

Japanese Trough Dump? (1, Funny)

tds67 (670584) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803941)

I must admit, the motorcycle-style position while dumping is probably more natural, but it does seem strange after being taught the Western-style method of dropping your kids off at the pool.

This guy's collection will grow large (4, Interesting)

Rosco P. Coltrane (209368) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803793)

... because the pieces he exhibits aren't funny or weird, they are just pathetic examples of badly written documentation, and those have existed since electronic devices have grown more complex than kitchen appliances, and their docs started to be written in japanglish.

And quite frankly, the "kind of dirty" ones wouldn't even be half-dirty for women in a covent.

The only interest of those technical docs is (1) to learn how to not write them like that, and (2) to witness the birth of early mangas.

if you enjoy this kind of humor... (1)

evildan21 (548879) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803795)

might i suggest a book of jay leno headlines? my gf got me an old book full of them...ive been laughing at them for the past few days. sometimes its a toss up between his comments or the actual story being the funniest.

personal fav:
the back-to-school ad featuring the 1-liter bottle of vodka. now that's what i call a store!

Re:if you enjoy this kind of humor... (1)

Troed (102527) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803863)

Oh come on .. this is the web .. make a little link for us to one-click-buy with ..

(I'm actually serious)

Heh...the first one should read: (1)

A_Non_Moose (413034) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803796)

PH33R T3H BOX-S/\/4|<3

(fear the box-snake for leet speak impaired)

Instead of 'If you drop this box on a dog, don't trip over its tail'.

Quote:
Exhibit 10 - From instructions for swapping out the hard drive on an Apple
G4 Powerbook. I just included it because I thought it was kind of dirty.
Isn't having the top of display in your lap illegal in 48 states and 6 provinces?

I always thought it was "Illegal in 45, practiced in 3, and not understood in 2"...

heh.

whatever happened to chaos text (1)

DrSkwid (118965) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803945)

oh that's right, lamers call it leet speak

Urinal (-1, Redundant)

joelwest (38708) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803800)

My personal fave is the instructions on how to use a bathroom in Japan.

More like this.. (3, Funny)

edwilli (197728) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803802)

I guess I expected something more like.

this [roxormedia.com]

And

this [roxormedia.com]

Re:More like this.. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803918)

I like the first one best

Re:More like this.. (3, Funny)

edwilli (197728) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803974)

oops [roxormedia.com]

*yawn* (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803806)

Where are the funny ones???

This cooks socks. (-1, Flamebait)

RMH101 (636144) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803810)

In Hull.

How come this got accepted when all the Really Cool Stuff (tm) I put in didn't?

What is wrong with the Slashdot team? (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803811)

This absolute-waste-of-time webpage gets slashdotted and my hundred of gems never saw the light of day?? waaaaah!

It was getting slow.. I have Mirrored it. (5, Informative)

Organized Konfusion (700770) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803812)

Mirror [spaceports.com] be gentle to my host plz ;-)

Re:It was getting slow.. I have Mirrored it. (1)

rkz (667993) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803834)

the page is now officially slashdotted. ATTN: moderators the parent contains a mirror, just informing because it may be below your threshold.

Eh (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803815)

I should put this on my "Hall of Websites That Try To Be Funny, But Aren't"

Example from the food industry (2, Funny)

kevinbarsby (558876) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803817)

Seen on a packet of "Salted Peanuts" in a pub in the UK "May contain traces of nuts" You'd kinda hope so wouldn't you

Re:Example from the food industry (1)

mirko (198274) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803901)

This is not funny :
  • there are some people who are allergic to "generic" nuts (walnuts ?)
  • their organisms however support peanuts
  • the factory that bag these may also use the same production chain to bag walnuts, hence the warning

Re:Example from the food industry (1)

Jeremy Erwin (2054) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803903)

The peanut is a bean, not a nut.

If you enjoy bad translations into English... (5, Interesting)

JaredOfEuropa (526365) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803824)

Visit engrish.com [engrish.com] ! Hours of fun...

We're in general agreement then... (0)

192939495969798999 (58312) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803827)

For maximum humor, The list should contain non-technical products like coffee and shampoo (lather THEN rinse? no wonder!)

Not only is it not funny... (1)

Bohnanza (523456) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803830)

...but I'm pretty sure this one [darrenbarefoot.com] is a fake. The phrase "till the cowcomes home" is kind of a giveaway. And I was hoping to be able to send a funny link to some tech writer friends.

Obligatory Google Cache (-1, Redundant)

word munger (550251) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803831)

here. [216.239.37.104]

Re:Obligatory Google Cache (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803846)

you stupid fuck, google does not mirror images, look at this post for a real mirror [slashdot.org]

Re:Obligatory Google Cache (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803917)

Mmmm... white!

the manual for (1)

linuxislandsucks (461335) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803839)

the manual for MS Xenix OS was funnier :)

the ibm/pc looking like the macintosh model... (1)

[Galaxie] (40909) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803842)

looks like an 8500 powermac to me, never really realized, when illustrated that way how similar they looked to a standard beige pc though.

well.. that was useless now wasn't it?

Re:the ibm/pc looking like the macintosh model... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803886)

Or a 8100, or a quadra 840 or 800.
USeless?
Theres useless, a life POV perspective chaging useless fact: this thing was designed by lunar design, they also designed the SGI indigo thing!!
http://id.sjsu.edu/products/92qua.htm

Best Quote hidden (4, Funny)

the_pooh_experience (596177) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803844)

So Most /. won't get this because it requires loading a highrez image, but on the Dragonball Z toy that hangs from the ceiling and 'flys' in circles on a string, it is poorly translated from presumably fomr east-asian country... The warnings read:
  1. With appertain rotor of screw setting pre ceiling on the under standing that screw no wield. May wield two-faced, pressboard securing, wield pre to begin with wiping ceiling of bilge dasto.
  2. Thread of length need half as many again as tad.
  3. Open toy of batteries shuck. Verification batteries.+,- whereafter stow down,to a certainty need locknat lest take place accident.
  4. Hook through toys apside of hole.
  5. Needs switches shoving NO,for pre arrows specifing of orention shiving.Packing it up time,withbold toy pate need switches shoving OFF.
  • Prythee no sport with stingy of play asperity game. Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk. Throagh of peril. (bold my addition)
  • Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.
  • Till thge cowcomes home. Wield toys damage, burn-in prytheee wind to a close wield.
  • Give attention to open/close toys, therefore take place peril.for instance slipup batteries wield result in the emission of heat rupture liquid.vent itself prythee pay attention.
  • Play at sith to a certainty bolt up power supply fetch out batteries.
  • Batteries no electification dissolution,plunge ioto aquaor fire.
  • Not trust for tad batteries lest in advertent eat off. In the event of accident without loss of time plythee pillroller tuke order with.
I am not the best typist, but most of the weird spellings above are in the actual warnings. The original may be found here [darrenbarefoot.com] . I wonder if they will ever take the word "prythee" out of their translation dictionary.

Huh (5, Informative)

sg3000 (87992) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803848)

I know that this page should have been funny, but for some reason, I'm not laughing. And I'm even familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.

I kind of expected something like "Engrish" [engrish.com] or the often funny Airtoons [airtoons.com] (but it's probably only funny for those of us that fly a lot). Or even, the hasn't-been-updated-since-the-millennium Kibo [kibo.com] and his amusing criticisms of font use or Gerald Holmes [freeyellow.com] , which has outlived the silly .com web awards that are featured on his site. Hooray for Gerald!

the Mac and PC (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803866)

In the last exhibit, where he's saying the Mac and the PC look very similar (can't quote it right now.. slashdot effect!), I'd say the Mac looks a lot like an actual Mac circa 1994, and there's nothing weird or funny about it..

The Law. (0, Offtopic)

villain170 (664238) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803895)

These ridiculous examples of documentation are due to the fact that people love to sue. I remember two examples of people and McDonald's: (1) Someone sued for spilling the hot coffee on themselves, (2) there was a group trying to sue that their food made them fat. Pretty soon, we will see a warning on their food saying "May cause weight gain." It's a sad commentary on society these days.

How to use a Japanese Toilet (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#6803896)

Hold it all day and wait 'til you get back to the hotel.

This is why they've been in a ten year depression.

It's not when they dump their bad loans, it's when they dump their bad dumpers is when they're going to recover.

The site's slashdotted, so here's my favourite (2, Funny)

Zog The Undeniable (632031) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803915)

When the zippotricks website was taken off the Net this week, they posted the amusing disclaimer, "A lighted lighter is hot and can start a fire or burn people."

Microfortnights (5, Informative)

Christian Engstrom (633834) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803926)

The documentation for the VAX/VMS operating system (this was in the eighties, before they started renaiming it every other year) claimed that one of the system parameters in SYSGEN should be specified in "microfortnights", but then proceeded to say that for added convenience, microfortnights were approximated by "seconds". (If you can't be bothered to bring out your calculator, a proper microfortnight would be 1.2096 seconds.)

At least I thought this was rather funny, but perhaps I am just very childish.

Pasta Maker (1, Funny)

ArmenTanzarian (210418) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803940)

My buddy's Mom bought a pasta maker once and for some reason he had watched the instructional video that came with the thing. The video was completely normal except for the narrator, who kept making extremely sarcastic comments about the product and the video itself.

Examples:
There was a woman performing the things as he said them. He introduced her by saying, "Jane, who told us on her resume that her hobbies were stroking kitchen appliances."
And he referred to a metal measuring cup as, "A space age one-of-a-kind measuring tool"

Not funny, but I have something better... (2, Funny)

heironymouscoward (683461) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803950)

Anyone who laughs at "insert trousers" needs to readjust their sense of humour.

Now, in a club in Lagos Nigeria (the bar is called Towers, a nice place on Victoria Island), there is a sign above the urinals, which says:

"Employees must wash genitals before returning to work"

I just wish I'd had my camera with me, but you will have to take my word for it.

Re:Not funny, but I have something better... (4, Funny)

sg3000 (87992) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803992)

> in a club in Lagos Nigeria (the bar is called Towers, a nice
> place on Victoria Island), there is a sign above the
> urinals, which says: "Employees must wash genitals
> before returning to work"

> I just wish I'd had my camera with me, but you will have
> to take my word for it.

Funny sign, but my suggestion is that you don't try to take a camera into a public restroom, snapping pictures while standing at the urinal and snickering to yourself.

Just a friendly Slashdot public service announcement!

Redundant instructions (0, Funny)

kefoo (254567) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803970)

My dad was once assembling a new riding lawnmower. He had to open the box to get the instructions. Step one in the manual was to open the box.

Of course,.. (0, Funny)

mistermund (605799) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803972)

We all know it doesn't hurt to throw a few technical illustrations into papers we may be writing...

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail64.html [homestarrunner.com]

Worst article ever. (1, Funny)

Cigarra (652458) | more than 10 years ago | (#6803996)

I mean it.
Load More Comments
Slashdot Login

Need an Account?

Forgot your password?

Submission Text Formatting Tips

We support a small subset of HTML, namely these tags:

  • b
  • i
  • p
  • br
  • a
  • ol
  • ul
  • li
  • dl
  • dt
  • dd
  • em
  • strong
  • tt
  • blockquote
  • div
  • quote
  • ecode

"ecode" can be used for code snippets, for example:

<ecode>    while(1) { do_something(); } </ecode>