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Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes?

Cliff posted more than 10 years ago | from the selling-oneself-on-paper dept.

Businesses 361

noackjr asks: "Everyone wants a great job, but writing a quality resume requires creativity and a fair bit of work (we won't go into actually having the proper skills, qualifications, or experiences -- let's not cloud the issue). Alternatively, sprucing up your resume with a few choice pieces of quasi-truth might set you apart from other 'qualified' candidates (the HR person will never figure it out, right?). A friend from college included knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume. He had worked in C and C++ and just figured there had to be a C+ as well (too bad he didn't list C+-). He ended up getting a $50,000+/yr job with a major US tech firm using that resume. Anyone else come across funny/pathetic attempts to improve a resume?"

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361 comments

Additional Accomplishments (5, Funny)

Strange Ranger (454494) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672946)

First Post on slashdot.org

Re:Additional Accomplishments (3, Funny)

Elwood P Dowd (16933) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673071)

Whoever modded parent down is a jackass.

And I don't mind taking the karma hit to say so.

Re:Additional Accomplishments (5, Funny)

Elwood P Dowd (16933) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673384)

Ok. Whoever modded my comment up is a jackass too.

MOD PARENT UP!! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673604)

Let's see how pissed off we can get this guy by raising him to +5!!

Re:MOD PARENT UP!! (2, Funny)

cookd (72933) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673671)

MAN, i W1$H i HAD M0D P01NT5 RITE N0W!!!!!! :P

Re:Additional Accomplishments (2, Funny)

Hanji (626246) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673691)

Give it up - they're out to get you, man.

Re:Additional Accomplishments (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673073)

It's not offtopic. Damn idiot moderators. "Additional Accomplishments" is a section on many resumes. It's funny and on topic, which is a damn site better than almost every other first post.

Re:Additional Accomplishments (2, Insightful)

queen of everything (695105) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673727)

And of course you have to include your slashdot karma rating. Nothing impresses a potential employer more!

Plus, if its a guage of how much you want to work for the company if they actually get it.

Mind boggling what people get away with (2, Funny)

fm6 (162816) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672979)

Saw a resume once with a lot of bogus stuff on it. Not only had the guy listed degrees from schools he never attended, he misspelled the names of the schools. Didn't stop him from getting hired at the height of the dotcom bubble.

Re:Mind boggling what people get away with (3, Funny)

4of12 (97621) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673305)


he misspelled the names of the schools.

Let me guess: his previous position was writing copy for a spammer...

F R EE VI-AGRA 4 U !!!!

Re:Mind boggling what people get away with (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673676)

You know that they deliberately misspell things in order to pass naive spam filters, right?

Re:Mind boggling what people get away with (1)

4of12 (97621) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673955)


You know that they deliberately misspell things in order to pass naive spam filters, right?

If the resume gets past the naive resume filters to a real live person, then they've succeeded.

As in, "I've always wanted to have 8 years experience C++, CCNA, 9 years project lead XML Web commerce developer..."

Mod parent underrated (1)

Kethinov (636034) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673824)

The mods are getting a wee bit too confy with that redundant modifier these days. I'll see you in meta mod land!

Re:Mod parent underrated (0, Redundant)

fm6 (162816) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674112)

Redundant is a little overused, isn't it? Especially in this case -- how can the very first post be redundant?

I think there might be a few folks who think I'm evil, and come hunting for me whenever they get a few mod points. Not that big a deal.

Programming languages (4, Insightful)

GuyMannDude (574364) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672983)

I grow weary of seeing lots of young 20-something applicants fresh out of school who claim they have excellent coding skills and then proceed to list about ten different languages including HTML. First, HTML is not a programming language. Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all. And I'd argue that if you think listing tons of languages makes you look impressive, I would argue you're not much of a programmer at all (unless you've been working for decades).

Another applicant wrote in his cover letter than his goal was to get a Nobel prize. We are a defense contractor. They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People". Besides, this guy had a GPA of less than 3.5. Better get cracking if you want that Nobel prize, pal.

GMD

Re:Programming languages (4, Insightful)

rot26 (240034) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673211)

First, HTML is not a programming language

No, but it's a meta-language, and they usually don't include a space to include the meta-languages you are proficient in. It's easier (arguably safer) to just throw "HTML" in with C, C++, etc, and take a chance on having a nit-picker down you for it, rather than take the chance of it being a keyword some HR drone is looking for and not finding.

Re:Programming languages (1)

BRSloth (578824) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673248)

Meh, I always put HTML in the "Document formatting languages", along with LaTeX.

And I just added LaTeX to impress my friends.

You bet I'm a nit-picker! (1)

GuyMannDude (574364) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673977)

No, but it's a meta-language, and they usually don't include a space to include the meta-languages you are proficient in.

I'm talking about resumes so there are no "spaces" to fill out.

It's easier (arguably safer) to just throw "HTML" in with C, C++, etc, and take a chance on having a nit-picker down you for it...

I'd be really wary of hiring a program who displays this kind of "what I wrote wasn't exact but you know what I mean" attitude. IMHO the best programs ARE nit-pickers. I'd be much more impressed by someone who listed "programming languages" and then "markup languages" as seperate entites. And if you have to fill out a form doesn't make a distinction, then you should call it out in your resume.

Anyhow, the point I think you are making is well taken. Applicants don't know whether their resume is going to be read my an HR drone or a "nit-picker" like myself. What I really object to is some little snot-nosed kid trying to snow me with buzzwords. If I get the sense that the applicant is trying to do that, I'll just throw his resume away. Why should I hire someone who I'm not sure I believe?

GMD

Re:You bet I'm a nit-picker! (1)

Tumbleweed (3706) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674248)

That's why I list all that under 'Technologies,' rather than languages. :)

Re:Programming languages (4, Funny)

secolactico (519805) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673254)

Besides, this guy had a GPA of less than 3.5. Better get cracking if you want that Nobel prize, pal.

I dunno... there's always the Peace one. What was Mother Teresa's GPA anyway?

Re:Programming languages (3, Funny)

cperciva (102828) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674167)

Somehow, I don't think many defense contractors would want to hire someone who intends to win the Nobel Peace prize.

Re:Programming languages (1)

kommakazi (610098) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674344)

Isn't that the point of defense, keeping the peace? Think about it...weapons that kill create peace because in the course of a war eventually you're going to kill enough of your enemy (if not all of them) that whoever's left is going to give up and make peace (or the lack of enemy will create peace by default). So really you could call weapons of mass destruction weapons of mass peace. Just wait and see...once preident Bush gets wind of this theory, I'm sure our massive nuclear arsenal will become classified as weapons of mass peace.

Re:Programming languages (3, Insightful)

meta-monkey (321000) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673256)

I know a few languages really, really well. I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards. However, I'm also familiar with many, many more, like Java, Objective C, SQL, python, JavaScript, several assemly languages, etc. I list them all on my resume, but the best ones first. Now, do I know Java anywhere near as well as I know C++? No! But if I got hired for a job where I needed to do extensive Java programming, I'm pretty sure I could ramp up awfully fast. So why not list Java programming as one of my credentials? I agree with you on the HTML thing, though :)

The Nobel Prize? Eh, if I ran the committee, you guys would have a chance. You make big guns, and the fact that we have those big guns makes our enemies too afraid to attack us, making the world a safer place. I hereby nominate you, GuyMannDude, for a Nobel Peace Prize! (or should that be "Nobel Piece Prize?")

Re:Programming languages (1)

Hanji (626246) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673531)

I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards.

Does anyone aside from Larry really know Perl completely?

Re:Programming languages (2, Funny)

cperciva (102828) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674185)

I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards.
Does anyone aside from Larry really know Perl completely?

You misunderstand. He's saying that he knows C, C++, PHP, perl, ++C, and lrep.

Re:Programming languages (5, Insightful)

Johnny Mnemonic (176043) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673345)


Free hint: they list all the languages that they have heard about, because recruiters search keywords on the web-based job boards. The goal of a resume is not to prove your skills--the goal of a resume is to get to talk to a recruiter. The interview (or three) is the place to demonstrate your skills.

Anybody who keeps to a strictly modest resume simply hasn''t looked for work in the last three years--getting the recruiter to recognize that you're actually an ideal candidate for a position that they know nothing about is more than half the battle.

Re:Programming languages (4, Informative)

the Man in Black (102634) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673370)

They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People".

Actually... [216.239.37.104]

I count 16 Nobel Prize winners highlighted. Sure they didn't EXACTLY win for what their discoveries were used for, but still.

Re:Programming languages (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673518)

Someone I know very well listed the specialized language used by the tech company they applied to on their CV even though they only had passing knowledge of it. Upon being granted an offer they immediately asked for a start date months/weeks in the future (can't remember exact time span). They spent this entire time building credible expertise in the language.

I wonder how often this happens. I was surprised to learn the company didn't ask specific questions to test knowledge of the language, but I guess your average HR person omits this test.

Re:Programming languages (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673529)

You are doing a disservice your orginization by automatically writing off all 20-somethings as lacking excelent coding skills. Just because you were out playing football and drinking beer in your late teens and weren't working on commercial software products to pay your way through college doesn't mean all 20-somethings don't have years of experience and the ability to write and even design highly complex projects with high quality levels. In fact, some of the best software engineers I know are in their mid 20s, and some of the worst I know are over 30. Oh, and guess which of them are more expensive salary wise. If I may, let me use myself as an example. I was working for Lotus writing code for Notes/Domino when I was 19, and they were't treating me special just because I was young. They gave me hard problems too. Now, at 25 I have 6 years of good real-world experience... There are plenty of 31 year-olds out there who can't say the same. I'm not saying this is the general rule, but there enough people out there in the same situation that it's worth looking instead of putting resumes of under-30s in the circular file. Interview the candidates and judge them on their skills instead of basing your hiring decision on your age prejudices.

Moderators, please stop modding him up (1)

GuyMannDude (574364) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674326)

Usually I don't respond to obvious trolls like this but people are modding him up for some reason.

You are doing a disservice your orginization by automatically writing off all 20-somethings as lacking excelent coding skills. Just because you were out playing football and drinking beer in your late teens and weren't working on commercial software products to pay your way through college doesn't mean all 20-somethings don't have years of experience and the ability to write and even design highly complex projects with high quality levels.

This AC accuses me of writing off a group of individuals I don't know and then write me off in the same manner (playing football and drinking beer). Mods, what is Insightful about this?

And I didn't have to pay my way through college because I got an all-expenses paid fellowship as an undergrad and had my doctoral research fully funded by a national lab.

In fact, some of the best software engineers I know are in their mid 20s, and some of the worst I know are over 30.

Ah, but how many of those great 20-something software engineers got worse with experience? Probably not too many.

Interview the candidates and judge them on their skills instead of basing your hiring decision on your age prejudices.

I simply do not have the time to get everyone who submits a resume an interview. Resumes are used as a bulk filter. If something doesn't seem right to me, I'll just throw the resume away. Yes, that might mean that we miss out on super-geniuses like you but I think it's a reasonable policy when dealing with large numbers.

GMD

Re:Programming languages (4, Insightful)

Tom7 (102298) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673537)

You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all.

On the other hand, if you have a good general education in programming with a lot of hacking experience in a few languages, then you sure won't find it very difficult to pick up C#, even if you only have passing familiarity with its syntax.

Re:Programming languages (1)

hawkbug (94280) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673630)

So you're saying anyone with a GPA of less than 3.5 can't get a good job and has no skills? Better tell that to the employers I have had for the last 5 years, some of which while I was in school... instead of memorizing test questions, I was busy learning how to program at my job to help get me through my over priced education.

Re:Programming languages (5, Insightful)

foonf (447461) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673711)

They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People"

You do know how Alfred Nobel [lucidcafe.com] made his fortune, right?

Re:Programming languages (1, Redundant)

msuzio (3104) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673959)

> They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most
> Novel New Method to Kill People".

Irony intended, I'm sure, but you do know what Alfred Nobel was famous for, right [britannica.com] ?

Re:Programming languages (1)

orkysoft (93727) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674036)

So that'll be one Nobel Prize for Physics for inventing a Doomsday Device, and one Nobel Prize for Peace for not using it ;-)

Re:Programming languages (0, Insightful)

Kethinov (636034) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674052)

First, HTML is not a programming language.
HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language. There are only two fundamental differences between coding HTML and coding C:

HTML has an element, attribute, property structure instead of functions, if statements, etc. If this is your basis behind calling it not a programming language, throw out xml and all its variants while you're at it.

HTML is interpreted, not compiled. If that's your basis behind calling it not a programming language, then throw out php and other serversides while you're at it.

Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all.
Yes, it takes years to get good. Where the hell do most people get their years of programming experience? At a job. You don't get a nice progrmaming job by putting on your resume that you have nothing but an understanding of syntax. You say you know the languages then when you get hired, you look up information you don't know so you can get the job done.

Half the reason the job market is so bad right is because people like you don't give new guys a chance. If they don't have 10 years of experience they're instant crap in your eyes. Well unless someone gives'm a chance, all they're going to get is 10 years of experience in being unemployed.

Learn by doing. Do by working. Embelished resumes are a fact of life.

Re:Programming languages (3, Insightful)

Tumbleweed (3706) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674183)

I hate to bring this up, but it takes years to be good at HTML, as well, and most of you absolutely SUCK at it even with that amount of experience. *sigh*

If you program in C, you probably suck at HTML. (Yes, I know, the truth hurts, but so will the Troll or Flamebait mod this post will get, despite being Insightful *shrug*).

Re:Programming languages (1)

GuyMannDude (574364) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674251)

Half the reason the job market is so bad right is because people like you don't give new guys a chance.

I give new guys a chance if they know where they are in their professional career. If someone straight out of school stresses that they are young and excited about work and they have a working knowledge of several programming languages, I'm interested in hearing more. If they claim are an expert in 10 programming languages, then (most likely) they do not know what they are talking about. And I still disagree with your choice to upgrade HTML to a programming language. It is a description/markup language. You don't "run" an HTML page.

Learn by doing. Do by working. Embelished resumes are a fact of life.

As I said before, I work for a defense contractor. If we 'embellish' our work/results/products, people die. I am not interested in individuals who tell 'little white lies' in order to get hired. Let them work for Microsoft or something.

GMD

Re:Programming languages (1)

brianjcain (622084) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674338)

HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language. There are only two fundamental differences between coding HTML and coding C:
No way, Jose. Are you trying to contend with the example cited in the summary? You've expanded the acronym, now read it. HTML is a Markup Language. What's often considered the ultimate criterion of a programming language is Turing equivalency. Here's an example [canonical.org] of what I mean (lacking any authority, but what the hey). Would you consider an MS Word or document (the binary/ASCII hybrid file that results, not the text contained within) to be source code written in a programming language? Then why should you think HTML files are 'code' either? (Funny aside -- PostScript's processing instructions would probably make it a good exception to these examples -- it probably _is_ Turing equivalent).

Re:Programming languages (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7674343)

Umm, you're 100% wrong.

HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language.

You bolded "language" - but the OP wasn't saying HTML isn't a language, he's saying it's not a programming language - and he's exactly right.

HTML has an element, attribute, property structure instead of functions, if statements, etc. If this is your basis behind calling it not a programming language, throw out xml and all its variants while you're at it.

Exactly - XML isn't a programming language either. It's still just markup. Things start getting a little murkier with XSL, since XSL does have very programmatic structures like loops, (immutable) variable, and templates that can be vaguely analogous to functions.

HTML is interpreted, not compiled. If that's your basis behind calling it not a programming language, then throw out php and other serversides while you're at it.

No one is claiming PHP isn't a programming language because it's not compiled. Perl isn't compiled either (well, not the way you think), but you'd have to be smoking some powerful weed to think it's not a programming language.

A programming language needs data structures. It needs instructions and control flow. HTML has none of that.

Embelished resumes are a fact of life.

Spoken like a true HTML "programmer"...

I know it hurts to hear that all the HTML coding you do doesn't make you a programmer - but get over it. Actually now that I think about it, you probably do some javascript too in your job duties and that DOES count as a programming language, so you can call yourself a programmer after all! Hurray for Kethinov the programmer!!

Re:Programming languages (1)

Thomas A. Anderson (114614) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674348)

HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language.

Nope it's a way of storing data with attributes. Same with XML.

...then throw out php and other serversides while you're at it.

Nope, wrong again. PHP actually can be used to compute stuff and access databases. Can't do that with HTML or XML.

Re:Programming languages (1)

Carnildo (712617) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674240)

I grow weary of seeing lots of young 20-something applicants fresh out of school who claim they have excellent coding skills and then proceed to list about ten different languages including HTML. First, HTML is not a programming language. Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all. And I'd argue that if you think listing tons of languages makes you look impressive, I would argue you're not much of a programmer at all (unless you've been working for decades).

I'm 23, and I'm quite serious about the 17 years of programming experience I claim on my resume. I'm also quite serious about the dozen languages I list. I list the four languages I'm proficient in (Basic, C, C++, Perl) on one line each, along with years of experience. The other eight languages (ML, RoboTalk, Intel assembler, VAX assembler, PHP, Visual Basic, Delphi, and Bash scripting) are on a single line, prefaced with "Also know"

Well... (3, Insightful)

Violet Null (452694) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672988)

We all know that the HR people put the impossible into their resumes (5 years of Java back in '96, anyone)?

And we also all know that HR does keyword searches on resumes, throwing out any that don't have the keyword.

So why would't turnabout be fair play?

Time travel... (5, Funny)

eyeball (17206) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672989)

5 Years experience administrating Windows 2000 server.

Re:Time travel... (4, Insightful)

Gudlyf (544445) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673068)

What's dumber than having that on your resume is having a job posting asking for that! Too many times I've seen it happen.

Hmmm, then again maybe they're onto something in weeding out those who would lie on their resume to get the job.

Re:Time travel... (1)

ConceptJunkie (24823) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673236)

That's not as bad as the companies that are looking for so much experience that it's not humanly possible to achieve it.

One listing I saw recently had 8 years of this and 5 years of that, etc, for a total of 39 years of experience.

Yeah, right. I had 5 years of Windows 2000 programming experience back in the mid 60's.

Re:Time travel... (1)

kabocox (199019) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673267)

Nope. Those are made by HR folks. The IT folks will never see the resumes unless they read like they exceed the job posting.

Re:Time travel... (1)

lfm_the_couch (663351) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673195)

I asked one, am one. Don't see many fellow workmen on /. though ...

Re:Time travel... (1)

_iris (92554) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673809)

In late 2001 I saw a job posting that was looking for someone with 3-5 experience with .Net.

Self Appraisal Goal List (5, Funny)

SmoothOne (216906) | more than 10 years ago | (#7672993)

Not exactly a resume, but during our evaluations every year we have to fill out a form, which amoung other things asks us to list our goals for the year. In an attempt to see if my manager actually reads these things, I listed one of my goals as "world domination". Needless to say this went unnoticed for three years. When he finally did recognize it and questioned me on it, I replied that I didn't like to set my goals too low.

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673030)

I listed one of my goals as "world domination".

You must be Christian then. I swear with all the bible-happy laws they manage to get passed, they are trying to save/convert/enslave us all.

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (4, Funny)

kurosawdust (654754) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673115)

I did the same thing on the application for enrollment to MIT. Right next to "name", they had a space marked "What do you like to be called?". So feeling mischievous and lamenting the fact that I dont have much of a nicknameable name, I put "Your Highness." Needless to say I didnt think I was going to be accepted in the first place, but I was a tad surprised when I received a bill from them in the mail; I called them up to ask about it and told them that I dont know why I had gotten the bill, since I had already paid the application fee, and they said "We know."

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673294)

...

I don't get it. "we know?"

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (1)

TechnoPops (590791) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673560)

I believe when he wrote "already paid the application fee," he meant "*just* paid the applications fee." Makes a lot more sense that way.

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673896)

it implies that it was an additional surcharge brought upon by the fact that the "creative addition" was so insulting.

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (5, Interesting)

fm6 (162816) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673179)

That's reminiscent of something Alan Turing did during WW II. He wanted to learn to shoot a rifle, so he joined one of those voluntary rearguard units. Once he'd learned to shoot, he quit. Not usually allowed, but when they came to arrest him, he just pointed to the form he'd signed. Where it said, "Do you agree to server for the duration of the war?" he'd written, "No." Of course you were supposed to write "yes," but nobody ever checked.

How is that world domination thing going?

ASR-33 printout (2, Funny)

Crash Gordon (233006) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673058)

I once ran off a batch of resumes on an ASR-33 Teletype -- no lowercase, crappy canary-yellow roll-feed newsprint paper, etc.

One of those resumes got me a decent job...

Re:ASR-33 printout (1)

awtbfb (586638) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673397)


When I was in high school, supposedly someone (friend of a friend thing) got into the local state University by filling out the application form with an orange crayon.

I actually buy this story since large Universities get a lot of applications and I'm sure the endless forms start blending together.

Re:ASR-33 printout (1)

cthon (239632) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673660)

Now if you had given them the punched paper tape and gotten the job I would be REALY impressed... To bad you didn't have the ASR-38 same machine with upper and lower case... (First machine I got online with... you don't know slow aonnections until you've used a 110 Baud tty to access Ward and Randy's CBBS)

Ph. D. (subject to litigation) (2, Funny)

Random Hamster (76396) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673096)

This is the bizarrest thing I have heard of - mind you, I have also seen software misspelt (as 'Soft Ware' and 'SoftWare')

Obligatory Jab (0)

Trak (670) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673097)

Anyone else come across funny/pathetic attempts to improve a resume?

Yeah, I once saw a guy post to slashdot about it.

Pulling Cable (1)

drightler (233032) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673111)

I once worked with a guy who was still in technical college who had listed as a skill on his resume: "Capible of runing thousands of feet of network cable".

I always found it funny for some reason.

Re:Pulling Cable (1)

ivanmarsh (634711) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673208)

You have any idea how much some companies charge to pull cable?

Re:Pulling Cable (1)

kayen_telva (676872) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673330)

yeah, but do they "runing" it too ? Id say this guy has em beat hands down.

Not as dumb as you think... (3, Insightful)

lynx_user_abroad (323975) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673141)

The tactic of including something which obviously isn't right just to get attention is a well proven strategy.

Here's one to watch for: watch for television advertisements where a product is pictured as reflected in a mirror, but the product name isn't mirror imaged. The eye will be drawn to the product name instinctively as the mind is saying "shouldn't that be backwards?"

Some people consider a Resume to be a sales tool; an advertisement for themselves; and in keeping with our long-standing tradition of skirting the truth when advertising, consider it more important to get noticed than to be truthful.

After all, the truthful ones who don't get noticed stand less of a chance at getting the job (or making the sale) than the untruthful ones which make it to the interview.

Obviously not enough (2, Informative)

Datoyminaytah (550912) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673150)

> ...knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume.
> He had worked in C and C++ and just figured
> there had to be a C+...

He obviously had not worked with either long enough to understand the humor in the name of "C++".

Re:Obviously not enough (1)

Carnildo (712617) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674340)

You sure of that? At uni, we referred to the language we did everyday utility programming in as "C+". Basically, C with the function overloading, one-line comments, iostream library, and other useful features from C++, but without any attempt at object-oriented programming.

'Slashdot Editor'. (2, Funny)

Mordant (138460) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673167)

That one's good for hours of laughs! ;>

Re:'Slashdot Editor'. (3, Funny)

Johnny Mnemonic (176043) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673439)


Only if you list it twice!

Ah, good ol' Welles (4, Funny)

Txiasaeia (581598) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673212)

A friend of mine applied for an IT job with "DoubleplusC" as a programming language. Needless to say, after explaining the humour to the interviewers he got the job. (Soulless bastards they turned out to be)

Re:Ah, good ol' Welles (1)

heliocentric (74613) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673447)

Oh, well, sure, it was an IT job. If it has been a position for say.. a fireman, then things would have been different.

On a related note... (4, Funny)

Datoyminaytah (550912) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673258)

Once, when I was being interviewed simultaneously by one technical person, and one non-technical person, the non-technical person, reading my resume and finding acronyms and other technical jargon he was unfamiliar with, asked me:

"So, tell me, did you implement LRF 1.0 in project xyz?"

I replied that I had not. I told him I was not familiar with LRF, and asked what it was.

"Little Rubber Feet. It's a bulls**t filter."

Pathetic in the "I'm such a geek" kinda way... (3, Interesting)

ChaseTec (447725) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673282)

Usually in the extra skills/info section I like to add a little blurb about how I like to play around with writing Operating Systems. It's one of the few things in todays world that instantly lets people know that I'm really a computer geek and not just a normal person working in IT. It was probably what got me the interview for my current job.

My big accomplishment was (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673325)

handing in my TPS Reports on time.

2 funny ones (4, Funny)

wowbagger (69688) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673364)

First funny one: we had a guy list as an accomplishment on his resume (for a DSP software engineer) his marriage to his wife.

Second funny one: A friend of mine was part of the team interviewing folks where he works. During one inDUHvidual's interview, my friend closed his notebook and put down his pen 5 minutes into the interview. The higher muckitymucks noticed this, and after the interview said to him "OK, you noticed something we didn't - what was it?"

The inDUHvidual kept talking about how she had worked at "bom-BUH-deer" aerospace here in town. Yes, she was really a good worker at "bom-BUH-deer".

Bombardier is a Canadian company, and is pronounced according to French rules - "bom-BAR-dee-AY". And they are VERY clear about that to their employees.

Re:2 funny ones (1)

jargonCCNA (531779) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673699)

Actually, it's by Quebecois rules (The French and the Quebecois speak different kinds of French) and it's pronounced closer to "bum-BARGE-yay"

Re:2 funny ones (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673908)

Look at me. Jerking off in the shower. This will be the high point of my day.

Gee, thanks for that. Now looking at you will be the high point of my day.

Thank god for the interview (1)

Drunken_Jackass (325938) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673393)

I just recently interviewed someone based on a impeccable resume. The job basically boiled down to some javascript programming, and he'd been programming javascript for several years. He even knew the industry application we were using in our environment.

However, about 30 seconds into the interview (right after "Didja have any trouble finding us?") i figured out that he was either an outright liar, or suffered some sort of blunt-head trauma on the way to meet me. Not only didn't he have any idea about anything technical, turns out he wasn't managing the staff of 300 back at his old job, but rather cleaned the place after everyone else went home.

Another advertising tactic... (0)

huwr (627730) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673416)

Well, I supposed putting a little humour in your resume would just be another advertising tactic. Like putting something that almost shouldn't be there, making your ads funny is a great way to get attention. I love it when ads come up with something funny*. I suppose that reading large amounts of resumes would be a boring job, and maybe those who are reading will remember the ones that bring a little sunshine into their day.

*My favourite being an NRMA (insurance agency) ad where the four horsemen of the apocalypse come up to an insurance saleswoman and complain about how all their good work was just wasted by people 'being too fair in the insurance business'.

circa May 2000... (4, Funny)

the quick brown fox (681969) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673440)

"Significant experience with Internet navigation."

That one went up on the company intranet's quote board!

Nonexistant institutions (2, Interesting)

Lionel Hutts (65507) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673455)

In my field, the canonical example is the degree from Princeton Law School. A Google search turns up several references that are not obviously jokes or fictional -- like this [jeanmonnetprogram.org] or this [cs.com] (though those are not resumes).

Re:Nonexistant institutions (3, Insightful)

sartin (238198) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674246)

It seems like that the "Robert George of Princeton Law School" mentioned in the New Jersey Ballot site (second "this") [cs.com] is probably Robert George, Professor of Jurisprudence [princeton.edu] at Princeton. It seems like an understandable error to mistakenly assume the Professor of Jurisprudence is at a Law School.

Clarity in CVs (2, Funny)

Uosdwis (553687) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673488)

In a resume writting class, which are great by the way, a girl was upset about using DOS.
She wanted to use Disk Operating System in case the interviewer didn't know what DOS stood for.
She was adament about expanding all acronyms. TCP/IP, Perl etc
What if they don't know?
What if they think it is something else?
What if they think she doesn't know what it means?
The instructor assured her that DOS is good to have experience with but will not be a deal breaker when getting a job.

I wanted to ask her why she thought she could get a job.

The circus (3, Funny)

HeroicAutobot (171588) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673510)

Thankfully I haven't had to update my resume in a while, but I used to include the circus as previous work experience.

I was actually in the circus at one time, though it never applied to the jobs I was interviewing for. (Not directly anyway.)

I'm not sure how much it helped in getting my resume noticed, but it was great for interview small-talk. "Were you really in the circus?" was my most common interview question.

Re:The circus (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7673844)

I interviewed a guy once who had been a chef for 10 years before going back to school for a CS degree. He wasn't a good fit for the position, but was interesting to talk to.

True but funny stuff on resumes (3, Funny)

msuzio (3104) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673512)

My favorite piece on a resume was an application I got for a junior developer position. We're talking ground-level work for a very small firm...

This fellow was over here from China on a Visa, and getting a job was obviously key to his continued stay here. He had a decent amount of background in web programming, resume looked good. I finally got to his job history from China itself, and his formal schooling.

He listed 'Resident Neurosurgeon' as his last job title before coming to America.

Me: "Umm... is this correct? You worked as a neurosurgeon?"

Him: "Oh, yes."

Me: "But... you weren't operating on people, surely? You were training to be a doctor?"

Him: "Oh no, I operated on patients for two years there. I worked on people's brains."

I resisted the urge to make a joke about who did he think he was, some sort of brain surgeon? I later on got a similar opportunity when I hired a Chinese girl who had a PhD in (you guessed it) rocket science. :-)

(No, I didn't hire the brain surgeon. We found a candidate with more experience and less likeliness to jump ship from us if a job opened up in his true area of expertise)

C+ Does exist (-1, Troll)

elendel (229983) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673573)

Maybe you young-uns don't remember it (ok, I hardly do) but there _was_ a C+ language. Hence the C++, it extended on C+, which extended on C.

I don't remember everything that the language had, or didn't. But it is valid. Unless, of course, you just put it on your resume to look good - nobody ever uses it anymore, or even really did when it was current. It was superceded by C++ pretty quickly.

Re:C+ Does exist (1)

samjam (256347) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673767)

I thought this but checked before I posted and can't find any mention of it in C++ histories or histories of programming languages.

You may be right of course....

Or I could just put up a fake history for you to link to.

Sam

Re:C+ Does exist (1)

avalys (221114) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673768)

I think you're bullshitting.

As far as I recall the story, C++ was named because of the ++ (postfix?) operator in C. So, C++ is C + 1.

Re:C+ Does exist (1)

aoteoroa (596031) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674169)

I think you're bullshitting.
As far as I recall the story, C++ was named because of the ++ (postfix?) operator in C. So, C++ is C + 1


Yup. Check out Bjarne Stroustrup's FAQ page Why is the language called C++ [att.com]

Re:C+ Does exist (1)

elendel (229983) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674252)

Ok, so I was wrong about C++ being derived from C+. But I was careful not to explicitly say it was, as I wasn't sure anyway... ;)

I have been unable to find any hard evidence of C+, except for a brief mention in wikipedia [wikipedia.org] :

History of the Name "C++"
This name is credited to Rick Mascitti (mid-1983) and was first used in December 1983. Earlier, during the research period, the developing language had been referred to as "C with Classes". The final name stems from C's "++" operator (which increments the value of a variable) and a common naming convention of using "+" to indicate an enhanced computer program, for example: "Wikipedia+". According to Stroustrup: "the name signifies the evolutionary nature of the changes from C". C+ had earlier named an unrelated program. While most C code consists of valid C++, C does not form a subset of C++.

Re:C+ Does exist (1)

pbox (146337) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674198)

Ok, then I have expreience in ++C, C+1, C++ and ++C++--, as well.

Declining acceptance of honors granted (2, Funny)

Theory of Everything (696787) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673615)

It is becoming more and more common in science to see resumes that list the honors one has been offerred, but for some reason the recipient denied them.

An example of this is in post-doctoral fellowships, which are generally quite prestigious. A person may only accept one at a time (it isn't considered fair to recieve double income for the same work, and it helps to spread the wealth), so one lists the fellowship accepted, and all the others that one turned down. I've come across several resumes that read:
"Hubble Fellow, 2001"
"Chandra Fellowship, 2001, denied"
"Jansky Fellowship, 2001, denied"
etc.

You'd think that just being a Hubble Fellow would be enough to convince people that you're a top-level scientist. We're just one step away from:
"Would have recieved Hubble Fellowship, 2001, had I not been too lazy to write a good essay."
or
"Deserved Chandra Fellowship, 2001, but some jerk on the committee thought otherwise!"

On another note, I've also seen people list "invited talks", in which they had invited themselves, or were obligated to give the talk as part of a class.

Let me be the first to say `Abibu gazini' (1)

Uosdwis (553687) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673659)

chauffeur, seamstress, and curator of large mammals.

Worked for the Carter Administration!?
Well, you voted for him ... twice!
..Sshhh

From Marge Gets a Job [snpp.com]

Re:Let me be the first to say `Abibu gazini' (1)

TechnoPops (590791) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673779)

You forgot the part after Marge gets the job and she's shown to her office, with a gigantic, complicated machine inside. Marge: Umm... what I am supposed to do? Smithers (chuckles): Marge, please. According to your resume, you INVENTED this machine.

On C, C+, C++ (3, Interesting)

cybermace5 (446439) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673836)

The funny thing about that, is that it possibly did help him get the job. In a big corporation like Motorola, the resumes are scanned and then HR searches for keywords. Your friend managed to get in one extra hit for "C" in the programming section, and quite possibly came out on top of the search.

Personal Interests (1)

Mastoid (138665) | more than 10 years ago | (#7673898)

Had one guy who listed the "adult movies" he had not yet seen, but sure hoped to in the future.

Strangely, this was not on the printed resume he submitted, but was on his online resume, to which his printed resume referred.

Not exactly funny when it is on the resume (1, Insightful)

MerlynEmrys67 (583469) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674060)

So you get a resume for a candidate - listing about 30-40 buzzwords that they used to get through the HR screening - I really want to get an assessment of what they actually know - so I will ask them to describe 10 or so of the buzzwords that I am familiar with, Buzzword Bingo, any score less than 8 is an automatic disqualification. And if you score a 9, you had better score very well on the true technical questions.

Then there was the guy who listed an expert network programmer, with skills in Ethernet, TCP/IP etc.

My first classic question is "How does Ethernet work ?"
I drew a blank stare, with a "I don't know" - Time to end this interview and quit wasting my time... Oh well

Resumes are funny, but (1)

nsebban (513339) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674229)

job posts are sometimes funnier. I recently read a "C# developper wanted, with minimum 4 years experience" offer :)

On a resume... (1)

hords (619030) | more than 10 years ago | (#7674380)

I had a friend that put "Plays video games" on his resume. LOL. And that is how he ended up getting laid off... Playing video games at work.
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