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Santa Meets NORAD, Tux Gets Lit Up For Xmas

simoniker posted more than 10 years ago | from the is-he-nearly-there-yet? dept.

Christmas Cheer 142

runlvl0 writes "Once again, NORAD is tracking Santa Claus on his annual trip around the world via the NORAD Tracks Santa website. Oddly, as of 1900 GMT, Santa is taking a spin over the Persian Gulf. I guess that he's glad not to have to worry about "no-fly zones" this year." NORAD has been keeping an eye on our favorite present deliverer for a few years now. Elsewhere, pixelbeat writes "Michael Still created a lovely Tux in Xmas tree lights. The complete process from gimp to the final 707 lights was documented."

cancel ×

142 comments

GNAA: HO, HO, HO. Merry Nigmas! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807155)

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which
gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

Are you GAY [klerck.org] ?
Are you a NIGGER [tux.org] ?
Are you a GAY NIGGER [gay-sex-access.com] ?

If you answered "Yes" to any of the above questions, then GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) might be exactly what you've been looking for!
Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a full-time GNAA member.
GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members all over United States of America. You, too, can be a part of GNAA if you join today!

Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

First, you have to obtain a copy of GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] (Click Here [idge.net] to download the ~280MB MPEG off of BitTorrent)

Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on EFNet, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today!

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is EFNet, and you can connect to irc.secsup.org or irc.easynews.com as one of the EFNet servers.
If you do not have an IRC client handy, you are free to use the GNAA Java IRC client by clicking here [nero-online.org] .

If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

This post brought to you by Penisbird [nero-online.org] , a proud member of the GNAA

I am protesting Slashdot's chronic abuse of its readers and subscribers. Please visit www.anti-slash.org [anti-slash.org] and help us!
________________________________________________
| ______________________________________._a,____ |
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ |
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ |
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ |
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ |
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ |
| _________#1__________?________________________ |
| _________j1___________________________________ |
| ____a,___jk_ GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_|
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ |
| ______-"!^____________________________________ |
` _______________________________________________'

Re:GNAA: HO, HO, HO. Merry Nigmas! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807266)

helo i am a very big fan of u i woud like to join u.
i am very inteligent and i clean my anus when i have went to the toylet (at last whe their is paper left).

Re:GNAA: HO, HO, HO. Merry Nigmas! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807327)

GENIUS

I love it. Plz continue posting about your "toylet" time

Merry Christmas (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807156)

Ho Ho Ho!

Re:Merry Christmas (1)

sjwt (161428) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807333)

you know hwat would be realy good?
If such posts as this or any other world holiday
related ones posted at a time *rlevent* GMT +12.

So that it was able to be read for those of us who arnt in GMT -7 time zones :)

Its so fun wakeing up at 4PM Xmas afternoon
or newyars day and reading all the "Christmas
is nearly hear", "Newyears day will start soon",
"Happy halloween" .. .. "hears somethign you may
want to read before the hollidays start"

maybe the option to make them stick so they stay around till relvent time GMT -12 :)

Re:Merry Christmas (1)

agent dero (680753) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807546)

Oh no! Somebody call the 'WAAAAAH'bulance!

Seriously man, who the hell cares, read the FAQ (I think)
Taco clearly states this is an american site, intended for americans, if you have beef with timezones; tough shit.

Somebody has to say it, posts are posted at a *rlevent* time for americans.

HAPPY GNAA - MAS (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807158)

About GNAA

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which

gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

Are you GAY [klerck.org] ?

Are you a NIGGER [mugshots.org] ?

Are you a GAY NIGGER [gay-sex-access.com] ?

If you answered "Yes" to any of the above questions, then GNAA (GAY NIGGER
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
) might be exactly what you've been looking for!

Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a full-time GNAA member.

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members
all over United States of America. You, too, can be a part of GNAA if you join today!

Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

First, you have to obtain a copy of GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] and watch it.

Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on EFNet, and apply for membership.

Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today!

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is EFNet,
and you can connect to irc.secsup.org or irc.isprime.com as one of the EFNet servers.

If you do not have an IRC client handy, you are free to use the GNAA Java IRC client by clicking here [nero-online.org] .

no life... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807160)

hmmm...guess I don't have a life, since I read slashdot during christmas...

Maybe I should ask santa for a girlfriend :)

Merry christmas

Girlfriend (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807173)

she's for you! [vibratingr...aginas.com]

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE FAGGOTS! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807161)

*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_
g_______________________________________________g_ _
o_/_____\_____________\____________/____\_______o_ _
a|_______|_____________\__________|______|______a_ _
t|_______`._____________|_________|_______:_____t_ _
s`________|_____________|________\|_______|_____s_ _
e_\_______|_/_______/__\\\___--___\\_______:____e_ _
x__\______\/____--~~__________~--__|_\_____|____x_ _
*___\______\_-~____________________~-_\____|____*_ _
g____\______\_________.--------.______\|___|____g_ _
o______\_____\______//_________(_(__>__\___|____o_ _
a_______\___.__C____)_________(_(____>__|__/____a_ _
t_______/\_|___C_____)/______\_(_____>__|_/_____t_ _
s______/_/\|___C_____)_______|__(___>___/__\____s_ _
e_____|___(____C_____)\______/__//__/_/_____\___e_ _
x_____|____\__|_____\\_________//_(__/_______|__x_ _
*____|_\____\____)___`----___--'_____________|__*_ _
g____|__\______________\_______/____________/_|_g_ _
o___|______________/____|_____|__\____________|_o_ _
a___|_____________|____/_______\__\___________|_a_ _
t___|__________/_/____|_________|__\___________|t_ _
s___|_________/_/______\__/\___/____|__________|s_ _
e__|_________/_/________|____|_______|_________|e_ _
x__|__________|_________|____|_______|_________|x_ _
*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_


Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Get a toaster for xmas! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807162)

toaster,toaster toaser, do you have toast in you yet i think [rowdyruff.net]
so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Im not a toaster!!!!!!!!!!And one more
thing........YOUR A TOASER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND A COOKIE WITH MILK SOAGE
MILK!!!!!!!!!!AND A BUTT WITH POOP IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bah Humbug (5, Funny)

WankersRevenge (452399) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807164)

Not mine ... a coworker sent it to me ... merry x-mas
-----

History of Santa Claus

1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.

1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.

1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.

1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.

1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.

1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.

1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.

1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.

1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.

1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.

1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.

1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).

1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.

1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.

1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.

1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.

1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.

1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.

1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.

1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.

1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.

1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.

1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious project--that of breeding and training reindeer to fly.

1773--The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's major form of transportation.

1774--A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light. He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday, inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this, and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

1777--As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of the Claus government, sees their plight and begins thinking of ways to use it to his advantage.

1784--On his 60th birthday, Claus II takes a sleigh ride down main street during the Christmas day parade, and is assassinated by a radical faction of elves. Claus III, now 29, takes over immediately and puts martial law into effect for the whole North Pole. Civil war breaks out as Rudolf leads the Elves in rebellion.

1785-1792--The Seven-year Strike takes place. The elves refuse to make toys, and the Claus Toy Company nearly goes bankrupt, as the North Pole hits an economic low. Claus III, fearing for his life, becomes a prisoner of his own castle. Rudolf rises to the peak of his power, and sets himself as leader of the eleven communities.

1796--Rudolf and his army unsuccessfully attempt to invade Norway. Over 10,000 elves are killed.

1800--Inside the castle, unbeknownst to the elves, Claus IV is born.

1802--After a string of political blunders, Rudolf senses that he is quickly losing favor with the elves. Frosty the Snowman is built, brought to life, and used as a political scapegoat.

1804--Frosty the Snowman is melted at a public execution, and the elves are calmed of their unrest, for the moment.

1819-1826--After a long period of unrest, Rudolf is finally ousted, and Claus III, aged 71, rightfully regains the throne. Prince Claus IV is introduced to the elves publicly for the first time.

1827-1841--The Renormalization years. Claus III brings the near-bankrupt Claus Toys Company out of dormancy and appoints his son as president. In order to clear their bad name and make up for their out-of-the-way location, they decide to start the biggest advertising campaign ever. Each Christmas, Claus IV will ride all over the world, distributing free toys to children everywhere. The ad campaign becomes a hit, but remains very costly.

1837--Claus III dies.

1851--As the annual ad campaign continues, deficits pile up, and the elves are asked to work harder, longer hours and still take a pay cut. They start to complain, but Claus assures them he will do all he can to help them. As a sign of goodwill, Claus IV marries an Elven wife, strengthening the bonds between the Claus family and the Elves.

1856--Claus V is born. In order to celebrate, Claus IV decides to stay at home, and so he suggests that department stores use costumed employees to represent him. They do, and it works out so well that he decides to do it every year.

1857-1867--Claus V grows up, spending most of his time visiting with his elf relatives and friends. Claus IV, who spends most of his time building up the company, doesn't seem to mind, in fact, he feels that it's good publicity.

1871--Working conditions continue to worsen for the elves, and they try to convince Claus V to overthrow his father and give the government back to the elves.

1872--Claus V usurps his father's throne, sending him to live the remainder of his life under guard in the castle's west wing.

1875--After reading the works of Karl Marx, Claus V chooses communism as the new form of government for the North Pole. Some elves protest this, but they are successfully quieted. (It is also because of communism that Santa Claus' suit later changes from beige to red.)

1881--Claus IV dies in captivity, just as the new Government gets underway. His funeral is not a large one.

1887--In order to keep up with growing populations, Claus Toys becomes industrialized. The elves learn the ways of mass production on the assembly line.

1893--Another mutant reindeer is born, and is named Rudolf II in honor of the first one, whom the communist government now honors for "giving the government back to the elves."

1900--Sigmund Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" is published.

1902--After he had been presumed dead for years, Frosty the Snowman is claimed to have been sighted on several occasions. All throughout the kingdom, children claim that they all heard him say he'd be back again some day.

1906--Claus VI is born. The Claus family celebrates, but the elves aren't the least bit excited.

1909-1922--The toys distributed yearly begin to show signs of propaganda influence. Frosty the Snowman continues to appear occasionally, and Claus V begins to grow uneasy, fearing some sort of hidden sabotage.

1925--Claus V dies, under mysterious circumstances. He is found buried in the snow in the castle garden, frozen solid. Many think it is the work of Frosty, but no one can prove it.

1926--Claus VI takes over, and immediately tightens up security. He rules with an iron hand, but a fair one. Electric lights are installed in the streets, and the castle and the town gets electricity. The factories are expanded, and the toys continue to be used as propaganda for the world.

1929--Angered by Claus' commercialization of Christmas, the Grinch attempts to remove the material goods to show the true meaning of Christmas. He fails, and later Claus commissions a cartoon, which warps the story so that the Grinch is made out to be the villain.

1949--Claus VII is born.

1979--Claus VI dies of natural causes.

1933-1990--The North Pole remains stable, with everything running smoothly. Across the Western world, a pattern starts to emerge and become noticed. Children receive Claus' toys each Christmas, but as they grow older, their parents throw them away and then they tell their children that there is no Santa Claus.

1991--First sightings of Anti-Claus.

1993--Anti-Claus is observed closely with telescopes, and photographed. His suit is like that of Santa Claus, but with the reds and whites reversed. He carries a 3-ply Hefty bag full of gifts no one wants or needs. And instead of using reindeer and a sleigh, he rides in a bathtub pulled by eight flying cows.

1997--Anti-Claus is radar tracked and found to live in an underground hideout run by dwarves at the South Pole.

Re:Bah Humbug (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807202)

I REALLY ENJOY ANAL SEX!

*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_
g_______________________________________________g_ _
o_/_____\_____________\____________/____\_______o_ _
a|_______|_____________\__________|______|______a_ _
t|_______`._____________|_________|_______:_____t_ _
s`________|_____________|________\|_______|_____s_ _
e_\_______|_/_______/__\\\___--___\\_______:____e_ _
x__\______\/____--~~__________~--__|_\_____|____x_ _
*___\______\_-~____________________~-_\____|____*_ _
g____\______\_________.--------.______\|___|____g_ _
o______\_____\______//_________(_(__>__\___|____o_ _
a_______\___.__C____)_________(_(____>__|__/____a_ _
t_______/\_|___C_____)/______\_(_____>__|_/_____t_ _
s______/_/\|___C_____)_______|__(___>___/__\____s_ _
e_____|___(____C_____)\______/__//__/_/_____\___e_ _
x_____|____\__|_____\\_________//_(__/_______|__x_ _
*____|_\____\____)___`----___--'_____________|__*_ _
g____|__\______________\_______/____________/_|_g_ _
o___|______________/____|_____|__\____________|_o_ _
a___|_____________|____/_______\__\___________|_a_ _
t___|__________/_/____|_________|__\___________|t_ _
s___|_________/_/______\__/\___/____|__________|s_ _
e__|_________/_/________|____|_______|_________|e_ _
x__|__________|_________|____|_______|_________|x_ _
*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_


Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Re:Bah Humbug (-1)

ADOT Troll (687975) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807223)

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

Are you GAY [sr51.com] ?
Are you a NIGGER [superstitionfreeway.com] ?
Are you a GAY NIGGER [state.az.us] ?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then the GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) might be exactly what you've been looking for!

Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a full-time GNAA member.

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members all over United States of America. You, too, can be a part of GNAA if you join today!

Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

First, you have to obtain and read the Regional Transportation Plan [maricopa.gov] for the Maricopa Association of Governments [maricopa.gov] sponsored by the Arizona Department of Transportation [state.az.us] . Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on EFNet, and apply for membership. Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today! >[? If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is EFNet, and you can connect to irc.secsup.org or irc.easynews.com as one of the EFNet servers.

If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

I am protesting Slashdot's chronic abuse of its readers and subscribers. Please visit www.anti-slash.org [anti-slash.org] and help us!

The rest of the story... (4, Funny)

Cyclopedian (163375) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807246)

Your friend forgot to include the remainder of the story:

1998--A scandal erupts when Claus VII is reported to have oral sex with a 24-year old elf intern. Both of them deny sexual relations, while the North Pole media blows it all out of proportion. Due to the nature of Communism, Claus VII is not impeached.[added by me]

2002--Communism fails utterly at the North Pole due to the nature of the elves. Claus VII, flying clockwise around the earth making the Christmas rounds, collides with Anti-Claus, who was flying counterclockwise. A huge explosion and blinding flash of light occurs, leading scientists to believe that they annihilated each other.

2007--The North Pole becomes a democracy, run wholly by the elves. Christmas is no longer commercialized or exploited. Happiness is finally achieved throughout the kingdom.

2011--It is discovered that Claus VII did not die in the explosion, but merely made it appear so. From there he went to live in the Bahamas. He is later found, dead of a heart attack, in a jacuzzi with two and a half dozen nymphets.

Merry Christmas!
-Cyc

XMAS != JESUS'S BIRTHDAY!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807166)

# Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic.
# Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads.
# Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said.
# Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about.
# Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page)

JESUS'S BIRTHDAY IS APRIL 15, TAX DAY! IT'S TRUE! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807194)

REPUBLICANS SUCK!

*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_
g_______________________________________________g_ _
o_/_____\_____________\____________/____\_______o_ _
a|_______|_____________\__________|______|______a_ _
t|_______`._____________|_________|_______:_____t_ _
s`________|_____________|________\|_______|_____s_ _
e_\_______|_/_______/__\\\___--___\\_______:____e_ _
x__\______\/____--~~__________~--__|_\_____|____x_ _
*___\______\_-~____________________~-_\____|____*_ _
g____\______\_________.--------.______\|___|____g_ _
o______\_____\______//_________(_(__>__\___|____o_ _
a_______\___.__C____)_________(_(____>__|__/____a_ _
t_______/\_|___C_____)/______\_(_____>__|_/_____t_ _
s______/_/\|___C_____)_______|__(___>___/__\____s_ _
e_____|___(____C_____)\______/__//__/_/_____\___e_ _
x_____|____\__|_____\\_________//_(__/_______|__x_ _
*____|_\____\____)___`----___--'_____________|__*_ _
g____|__\______________\_______/____________/_|_g_ _
o___|______________/____|_____|__\____________|_o_ _
a___|_____________|____/_______\__\___________|_a_ _
t___|__________/_/____|_________|__\___________|t_ _
s___|_________/_/______\__/\___/____|__________|s_ _
e__|_________/_/________|____|_______|_________|e_ _
x__|__________|_________|____|_______|_________|x_ _
*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_


Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.

I'm gonna get him...this year! (5, Funny)

LordK3nn3th (715352) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807171)

Sitting by my fireplace, shotgun in hand... I'm ready for the fat bastard this year, I tell ya...

This tool is great. Once Santa's near my region I'll be ready... I won't miss this year (damn reindeer startled me..!)

Re:I'm gonna get him...this year! (4, Funny)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807280)

"Sitting by my fireplace, shotgun in hand... I'm ready for the fat bastard this year, I tell ya..."

Too bad the sites you were visiting before Slashdot earned you a seat on his naughty list.

Re:I'm gonna get him...this year! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807372)

just because you're naughty doesn't mean you don't get toys. they're just different...toys.

Re:I'm gonna get him...this year! (1)

strike2867 (658030) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807529)

Youre right. But we need to catch that damn pedophile in the act. We could put him on trial at the same time as Michael Jackson.

Bloody Athiests (0, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807177)

You can't have a civil discussion with an atheist. Atheists like to think of themselves as rational, but if you observe their behavior you'll find they
are anything but. They are full of anger and bitterness, and react with frightful outrage whenever they encounter someone with different views from
their own. Even people who think that atheism is a reasonable philosophy must admit that most atheists did not arrive at their point of view through
anything resembling a rational process. Rather, they are poorly socialized individuals who are lashing out angrily at anything which they perceive to be
valued by "mainstream" society. You really shouldn't take it personally. It is the result of an angry and profoundly unhappy psychological condition on
their part, not due to you or your Christian beliefs.

Re:Bloody Athiests (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807186)

I know this is a troll but i'll bite. Anybody who believes in a god instantly gives up their right to tell anyone else they are irational. I'm sorry, but when the the invisible man in the sky starts talking to me, I will consider believing you.

Re:Bloody Athiests (0, Offtopic)

DigiShaman (671371) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807219)

Who ever said God was an invisible man? Maybe your the one that is irrational..Hmmmm?

I like to think that God is an omnipresent force that guides us though our tribulations in life. Notice however, I said *think*. It's a concept called faith.

So I have a question for you Mr AC. Do you not have any faith? Do you believe that when you die, that's it...game over? Maybe that asumption is correct. And just to play devils advocate, lets say that this is *it*. Perhaps now you should relize how lucky you are to be alive and even dwell on this topic. But then again....you would rather have negitive attitude and cut people down for having such faith. It's sad really, I pitty you.

Merry Christmas!!

Re:Bloody Athiests (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807281)

Athiesm is not a negative belief. It is a positive one. I believe that we as humans can do things on our own. That we do not need someone better than us watching over us. That we can do what we want in life and not fear going to hell. This sounds pretty good to me. I do enjoy having these debates and do not take them for granted. I just think there are more reasonable explainations for the universe than god. I do not cut people down for having the faith they do. I realize that some people need to have such a faith and could not stand to live without it. But others of us are ready to think about more plausible possiblities. A question i would ask you, to demostrate who's arguement is irrational is this, "If there exists some all powerful being, can this being make a rock so big, even the being it self can't move it?"

"They are full of anger and bitterness" (1)

themusicgod1 (241799) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807368)

funny, i think neitzcshe made a good case that christianity _Is_ 'anger and bitterness', incarnate.
while i can see your point as quite possibly true...
i think theres enough repressed hate instilled in christianity over the millenia to say that this is not relavant to your goal--the depreciation of the validity of atheism...
hate after all appears to currently be a part of the human situation currently...coulnd't we just admit this fact and then, keeping it in mind, continue trying to find reason?
-ps i'm not an atheist.
"there's no such thing as a foxhole in an atheist"

Origin of NORAD tracking Santa (5, Interesting)

Chatmag (646500) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807181)

I found an interesting article with mention of the origin of NORAD tracking Santa. [radiovillage.com] .

Apparently, it was quite by accident.

Re:Origin of GNAA tracking Santa (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807242)

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which
gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

___vowov____vv___v________vov________vov___
__vow_wov__vow__wov______vowov______vowov__
__vow______voww_wov_____vowowv_____vowowv__
__vow_wov__vow_wwov____vow_wov____vow_wov__
__vow_wov__vow__wov___vow__wov___vow__wov__
___vowov___vow__wov__vow___wov__vow___wov__

_____GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_of_AMERICA_____


BE NIGGER!
BE GAY!
JOIN THE GNAA!

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members all over United States of America. You, too, can be a part of GNAA if you join today!

Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

First, you have to obtain a copy of GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] and watch it. (Click Here [idge.net] to download the ~280MB MPEG off of BitTorrent)

Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on EFNet, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today!

Fourth, FIND COWBOYNEAL AND CALL HIM FAT.

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is EFNet, and you can connect to irc.secsup.org or irc.isprime.com as one of the EFNet servers.
If you do not have an IRC client handy, you are free to use the GNAA Java IRC client by clicking here [nero-online.org] .

If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

This post by GNAA member Lysol [homesolutionsnews.com] , another soul proud of his nigger fag heritage.

Merry Xmas. (4, Funny)

blair1q (305137) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807183)

And then /. lit up Michael Still's computer in a blaze of HTTP.

Uh oh... (1)

QuasiCoLtd (727325) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807184)

Ton of pictures on a personal webpage?

This guy better be glad this was posted at 3am on Christmas morning or he would have been Slashdotted 40 times over by now.....
Perhaps he has a chance at surviving?

HE FAILS IT (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807193)

/.ed

Re:Uh oh... (1)

cgranade (702534) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807232)

I'm in Alaska and it's only 11:45 xmas-eve here, you insensitive clod!

Re:Uh oh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807396)

And whats whith those Images? PNG32's which are literally 20 times larger than they need to be. 500K for one of those images is just recockulous.

PRF (2, Funny)

dcviper (251826) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807188)

wow, I'd love to know the Pulse Repetition Frequency on the radar NORAD is using for it's 'track santa' gif....

Re:PRF (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807197)

How about a mirror for those Tux pics ?

Nothing at the site now.

Merry Christmas (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807200)

The birth of Christ should be looked upon as the first day our true eternal salvation was given to us. It's not about the money, it's about love and forgiveness.

Religion. What a crock. (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807239)

You know it.

Re:Merry Christmas (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807403)

Are you on crack cocaine?? The birth of christ is no more important to human history than the birth of snoopy! Heck, at least people still believe snoopy is real.

where are the Tux pics (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807208)

How about a mirror for those Tux pics ?

Nothing at the site now.

Re:where are the Tux pics (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807214)

Mirror here [goatse.cx]

# Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. # Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. # Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. # Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. # Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page)

Just a question.. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807210)

What's the point of Santa Claus? Everyone knows he's not real. Why can't parents just tell their children they're buying the gifts for them instead of making up some silly story?

Re:Just a question.. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807225)

lying is fun

Re:Just a question.. (0, Troll)

kaltkalt (620110) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807259)

The same reason parents won't tell their kids that jesus and god are not real... to do so would make controlling their childrens' behavior much harder. Gotta have those supernatural rewards and punishments in order to get the kids to behave.

No, Tux! No! (4, Funny)

TechnoPops (590791) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807212)

Tux Gets Lit Up For Xmas

Oh, poor Tux. I mean, I know Linux hasn't won over the desktop front yet, but alcohol is NOT the answer, dear penguin!

<starts planning intervention>

Re:No, Tux! No! (3, Funny)

mattjb0010 (724744) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807350)

And here was me thinking it was referring to the evil SCO plot to set Tux on fire...

Well... (1, Funny)

Loki_1929 (550940) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807218)

We can't find Osama, but at least we can locate Santa.

Glad to see our priorities are in order.

Re:Well... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807227)

Well, if Osama would be obliging enough to fly through our airspace with a reindeer capable of lighting up our infra-red satellite detectors, we'd certainly welcome the opportunity to send some fighter jets after him too!

Re:Well... (1)

cgranade (702534) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807235)

I suppose it'd be easier to find the former, were he to make an insanely large trip as this... in lieu of that, what's a NORAD to do?

Re:Well... (1)

Loki_1929 (550940) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807253)

"what's a NORAD to do?"

Considering their apparent excess in personnel, budget, and equipment, I'd say their talents could be put to better use elsewhere [reuters.com] .

NORAD and 9/11 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807250)

funny how NORAD couldn't see any of da "highjacked" planes on 9/11. were they asleep or in coma?

Re:NORAD and 9/11 (0, Offtopic)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807303)

"funny how NORAD couldn't see any of da "highjacked" planes on 9/11. were they asleep or in coma? "

RTFA. [norad.mil]

I'm tired of this stupid-ass 20/20 hindsight that says 9/11 could have been prevented. Would YOU have been prepared to fire a missile at a commercial airliner with 300+ innocent people aboard, not knowing what their plans are?

The answer is no. Don't bother lying to me just to try to 'win'.

Re:NORAD and 9/11 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807473)

Would YOU have been prepared to fire a missile at a commercial airliner with 300+ innocent people aboard, not knowing what their plans are

How do you think they brought down the one in Pennsylvania, harsh language?

Re:NORAD and 9/11 (0, Offtopic)

bhtooefr (649901) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807585)

Last I heard, the passengers hijacked the plane back, and couldn't fly it, but they decided that it would be OK as long as the plane didn't hit it's target. Unless, of course, that's the FUD spoonfed to us by the government...

Re:NORAD and 9/11 (1)

bhtooefr (649901) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807588)

OK, maybe not FUD, but are they telling the whole truth?

Re:NORAD and 9/11 (0, Offtopic)

John Courtland (585609) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807617)

Even if it wasn't the passengers doing, it happened AFTER the Pentagon and WTC were hit. The Gov't knew what was up by that time, and they could have had fighters shoot it down in minutes.

Re:Well... (1)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807265)

"We can't find Osama, but at least we can locate Santa."

It's not the gov'ts fault. Osama's not flying around to every house in the world in a Norad trackable sleigh with a big glowing red hood ornament.

Hate to break it to you (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807274)

but there is no "Santa" doing that either.

This is lameass please the public shit, but not the kind that might actually be of some significance like finding.. oh i dunno.. TERRORISTS?

Burn my money Uncle Sam cause soon enough you'll be burning too

Re:Hate to break it to you (1)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807283)

"This is lameass please the public shit, but not the kind that might actually be of some significance like finding.. oh i dunno.. TERRORISTS?"

What else is their webmaster supposed to do on Christmas Eve, play Missile Command?

Re:Hate to break it to you (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807305)

this isn't done by the webmaster alone

It's actually sanctioned by the people in charge of NORAD and their superiors. Meaning a few steps/levels of command were required to WASTE time on it and resources. The idea of that even $5 was wasted on this sham is repulsive, and no I'm no some christmas hater. Just someone who is fed up and disgusted with government waste.

Re:Hate to break it to you (1)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807309)

"The idea of that even $5 was wasted on this sham is repulsive, and no I'm no some christmas hater. Just someone who is fed up and disgusted with government waste"

So let me get this straight: a $5 web page gets you this upset? You should consult your physician before turning on your TV during the next election.

Re:Hate to break it to you (1)

Anonvmous Coward (589068) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807306)

"Burn my money Uncle Sam cause soon enough you'll be burning too"

It's a web page, not an array of radars and satellites watching a fat man travelling many times the speed of sound powered by flying reindeer.

I would recommend developing a sense of proportion before reading any more stories about Santa.

KISS MY BIG NEGRO BUTTOX!!!!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807317)

GNAA is my hero.

They get all the big cock.

Re:KISS MY BIG NEGRO BUTTOX!!!!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807339)

You're up awfully late on XMAS eve, waiting for Santa? Is that why this NORAD story is so interesting to you?

Re:KISS MY BIG NEGRO BUTTOX!!!!!!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807345)

You gonna do it or not kike?

Re:KISS MY BIG NEGRO BUTTOX!!!!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807365)

Flattered, but I don't swing that way. I'm sure a Google search will get you placed into the right community, tho.

Re:KISS MY BIG NEGRO BUTTOX!!!!!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807380)

cock tease

Well i thought it was Santa.... (-1, Flamebait)

Jackie_Chan_Fan (730745) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807231)

... But it was grandpa i fucked in the ass. OOPS Still waiting for you Santa... Bring an Elf or two you fat meaty breasted reindeer kid toucher.

An Engineer's Christmas (5, Insightful)

SexyKellyOsbourne (606860) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807243)

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Have a Merry Christmas!

MOD THIS UP NIGGERS! FUCK XMAS (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807252)

Re:An Engineer's Christmas (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807315)

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's

Obviously it hasn't occurred to you grinches out there that Santa has maintained a technological advantage in transport technology all these years (where do you think all those cool electronic gadgets come from, anyway?). For example, the Elftech QRD-14 inertial dampener system eliminates all the acceleration problems.

As for the previously mentioned air resistance issues, project R.U.D.O.L.F. (Regenerative Universal Defense - Organic Life Form) solved that problem back in the last century, when a special genetically engineered breed of reindeer whose biology was capable of generating electromagnetic shielding to protect against air friction (bleeding off the absorbed energy in the infrared and low-visible light frequencies) was developed.

Yay (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807249)

Our tax dollars at work "tracking" a fictional thing through the sky. Call me when the christmas bullshit is over.

PS Kids there is no santa clause. Your parents get up in the middle of the night and put stuff around the tree.

Thank fucking god my parents were at least honest with me about it.

Re:Yay (1)

Chromodromic (668389) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807328)

Thank fucking god my parents were at least honest with me about it.

Yeah, your parents did a great job with you, Scroogeboy. You're all just a big shiny, happy group of people, aren't'cha?

Well, while you're busy picking the wax out of your ears and glowering over the hypocrisies of the season, know this: God, in His infinite wisdom, which infinitely surpasses my own, loves you anyway.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Cheer up. Go eat a turkey. I guarantee you that if you do one, it will lead to the other ...

God is gay (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807352)

No thanks
Eating meat is for the less evolved peons

This is news? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807263)

Rather than talking about bullshit fairy tale crap, how about a REAL story such as a discussion on video editing solutions for Linux?

hohoho Merry Christmas you gay niggers (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807269)

GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which
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Are you GAY [klerck.org] [klerck.org]?
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Are you a GAY NIGGER [gay-sex-access.com] [gay-sex-access.com]?

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Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a full-time GNAA member.
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First, you have to obtain a copy of GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] [imdb.com] (Click Here [idge.net] [idge.net] to download the ~280MB MPEG off of BitTorrent)

Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org], a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on EFNet, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today!

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is EFNet, and you can connect to irc.secsup.org or irc.easynews.com as one of the EFNet servers.
If you do not have an IRC client handy, you are free to use the GNAA Java IRC client by clicking here [nero-online.org] [nero-online.org].

If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

________________________________________________
| ______________________________________._a,____ |
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ |
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ |
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ |
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ |
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ |
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| ____a,___jk_ GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_|
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ |
| ______-"!^____________________________________ |
` _______________________________________________'

X realized he finally got Zero where he wanted and pulled out his fingers. Zero opened his eyes, watching X turn off the water. "Shall we continue someplace else?"

"Continue?" Zero rasped. X nodded and picked Zero up with both arms, pressing the naked body close to him.

"I don't see why not. You seemed to enjoy it." "Now wait a second!" Zero was cut off when X kissed him softly to silence him.

"You'll like it. I promise." Without another word, he carried Zero over to his bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Zero said nothing but he knew he had to eventually when X crawled over him.

"Now stop! Why are you doing this!?"

X rolled his eyes. He had kissed him and even seduced him under the shower and he still didn't know! He sure is slow in mind sometimes. "Don't you get it? I'm in love with you. I always wanted to be with you but you never took any notice." Zero stared up at him, speechless. "You... that's not possible... I never knew."

"You weren't really supposed to know."

Suddenly it made sense to Zero. The one X was in love with was him. He was using the advice he had given him but he only gave him that advice for the fun of it and never thought that it was meant for him. And he thought that X wasn't really going to do it. It didn't really fit his personality. He began to wonder about something. "But... why would you love me?"

"You don't know? You are beautiful and I like you. How could anyone NOT fall in love with you? Well... I think I really got a heavy crush on you. I really doubt that anyone wants you more than I do." X caught the sight of two light red shades on Zero's cheeks after he said that. "I fell for you when I first met you, you know. You never realized anything. It was hell keeping these feelings hidden away from you. I so much wanted to be your lover..." There had been a pause and they only could stare at each other wordless. Zero felt his own heartbeat going faster by the minute. X dared himself to ask Zero the question he wanted to ask for some minutes ago. "Will you allow me to sleep with you?" He knew very well if Zero said no, he had to leave. He wasn't going to force Zero into something he doesn't want. X's personality might have gotten a little `nasty' but he still had the good sense of knowing that it's wrong to do something with Zero by force. If he said no then he wouldn't do anything.

Zero tried to consider first before answering X's question. This was the first time a male had seduced him. He would have never thought it would be his own friend who was doing it. But he wondered what the big deal is. Loving a male might not be all that bad. And besides, they're Reploids. Would it really make a difference loving a guy? And he did have some feelings for X from some time now... could it be really love? If it wasn't then it's probably now because he felt so good when X kissed him. He figured why not? X did have the kind of personality that he liked. "Fine," He finally answered. "But go easy."

"Do I have to?" X asked in a disappointed voice but smiled to hear Zero say yes.

"Err... What do you have in mind?"

"You'll see," Suddenly X's face looked quite serious. "If you get too uncomfortable then tell me. I don't want to force you into anything. Just tell me to stop when you think I'm going too far. All right?"

Zero nodded and rested his head on the pillow. X slowly brought down his body and rested it on top of Zero's, trying hard not to give too much weight. Being a machine and all, Reploids can be very heavy. X kissed Zero again while massaging the side of his hips. Zero kissed X back and ran his tongue in X's mouth, tasting him in every way.

When the kiss ended, X brought his mouth down on Zero's nipple and kissed it. For a moment he licked at the nipple until it became hard. Zero sighed and let X have his fun. It wasn't too bad. Slowly, his lips travelled down to Zero's stomach and went further down on his groin. As X kissed the tip Zero let out a soft groan. X smiled and began to suck on the tip, sometimes letting his tongue lick the tip and the sides all around. Zero gripped one hand onto the blanket sheet, moaning in pleasure. He never felt so good before and wanted more. This was turning out a lot better than he thought. His chest heaved up and down fast as X went on.

"Ennrrgh... AH!" Zero brought his hips up when he released his seed into X's mouth. Zero collapsed back onto his bed, panting hard. X swallowed the seed that Zero laid in his mouth, and licked his own lips. He watched some liquid juice run out of Zero's tip. X lowered his head and licked the juice away, enjoying the salty taste.

"Ahhhh..." Zero felt himself already soaked with sweat. He didn't know that X could make him feel so good. He would have never guessed that X would do any of this to him. He always seemed so innocent but he had learned today that X wasn't so innocent as he thought he would be.

Re:hohoho Merry Christmas you gay niggers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807286)

I find this post extremly offensive. This should be erased from slashdot. Why do you post this stuff here? Why doesn't anyone stop it? You are a racist, and a homophobe. Your crap is not wanted. Go away. You are not welcome.

you fail it (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807358)

you cocksmoking cum sponge

Tis the season (1, Funny)

r_j_prahad (309298) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807272)

[...] Tux Gets Lit Up For Xmas.

I'm pretty well lit up myshelf, I thank you.

Mirror of Tux Decoration (1)

CoolQ (31072) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807284)

In the time honored tradition of /. mirroring, I've created a mirror of the christmas-tree-lights tux:
http://bleeat.com/~quentins/www.stillhq.com/cgi-bi n/christmas-twinkletux.html [bleeat.com]
The original site uses PNGs for all of the photos, only adding to the server's pain! I've converted them to JPGs, in an attempt to save bandwidth.
--Quentin

Re:Mirror of Tux Decoration (1)

Mikal (22767) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807329)

The machine is fine... It sits on a nice fast link (its a Debian mirror as well). Load average is currently under 3.

Not slashdotted! (1)

eamonman (567383) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807285)

Another miracle of the chistmas season! As of 1:11 AM PST, that site [stillhq.com] is not slashdotted! Woot, Halleluiah, Amen, and what not.

NORAD? RM files? (0, Troll)

blair1q (305137) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807290)

NORAD uses .rm format.

That's funny.

Making you load spyware to see their content.

Re:NORAD? RM files? (1)

CoolQ (31072) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807301)

I suppose you didn't notice all the links to MPEG files right next to the RealMedia files, did you?
You can't fault them for trying to be helpful to all those normal people (yes, broadband still isn't typical) who want to watch some kids programming on their modems.
--Quentin

Dammit! (1)

Anonvmous Coward (589068) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807292)

Shit!!! I was reading Slashdot when midnight rolled around.

Re:Dammit! (1)

Da Web Guru (215458) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807470)

Lucky you... At midnight I was stepping off an elevator just in time to begin my overnight shift at work...

Poor kids in France (2, Funny)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807293)

Sadly, due to the current national threat level, Santa has been asked not to fly over France.

OMG TAHT WUZ SOOO FUNNEEE (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807312)

HONOR OF BEST POST EVAR!!!! BELONGS TO NANOGATOR!!!

Really, you should be proud.

Important Stuff:
Please try to keep posts on topic.
Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads.
Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said.
Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about.
Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page)

Re:OMG TAHT WUZ SOOO FUNNEEE (1)

NanoGator (522640) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807336)

"HONOR OF BEST POST EVAR!!!!"

Ever has 2 e's.

"Important Stuff:
Please try to keep posts on topic."
...

Conveniently, you didn't post this bit from the FAQ:

If You Can't Be Deep, Be Funny: If you don't have something truly developing to the topic, some humor is welcome. Humor is lacking in our lives and will continue to be promoted. Remember though, what rips your sides out may be completely inane to somebody else.

(posted without karma bonus as this is off-topic and should be moderated as such. Not sure that all the peeps with mod-points are aware of this blurb as a lot of funny comments have been modded as off-topic lately.)

Re:OMG TAHT WUZ SOOO FUNNEEE (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807360)

ANAL filth IS dirty TO all PEOPLE of COLOR

Tis 1:15am here in Seattle (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807294)

Just put my Turducken in the oven. It'll be ready in 14 hours. Good Eats!

I live on the east coast. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807307)

and it damn well doesn't look like the fucking moon.

Asleep already? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807310)

Its just after 3 CST and the geazer is already done and asleep. Why can't UPS be that fast?

Negative Twinkle Tux? (2, Insightful)

whitefox (16740) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807316)

Maybe another solution may be to try a negative approach. Given the idea is to display at night, light up the background and Tux's stomach with white lights, fill in the feet with yellow ones, and then outline the arms, eyes, and other features with white. As long as the area it's displayed in is not too lit up and the other lights aren't overwhelming, the darkness should fill in naturally for the black areas. Or maybe not...

Someone's gonna say it... (0, Offtopic)

dancingmad (128588) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807320)

may as well be me:

As for the Tux lights...

Imagine a Beowulf cluster of these!

Merry Christmas (0)

Doomrat (615771) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807335)

Tar ball us, every one!

aut0tr0ll is teh sp0kE!? (-1, Troll)

CHECKTHEGOATS (735227) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807340)

Hello master.

sid=90508
formkey=mJrGVJIDv4

This is a joint venture that will be mutually advantageous to both parties involved.

aut0tr0ll is teh sp0kE!? (-1)

Jack Froidalbungle (730156) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807357)

Hello master.

sid=90508
formkey=1t41VyMxQg

This is a joint venture that will be mutually advantageous to both parties involved.

Santa the terrorist? (4, Funny)

TyrranzzX (617713) | more than 10 years ago | (#7807367)

Why the hell would norad need to track santa? Are we going to intercept him with one of those shiney icbm's or starwars project lasers?

"Hey joe, lookie here, there's one heck of a fast moving dot on the screen"

"It isn't confimed by anyone, shoot er' down"

*somewhere over the pacific*

Ho ho ho, ZAP, BANG! *several seconds later, a 9 cooked reigndeer, 1 cooked fat guy and a slegh fall through some poor youngsters roof*

Besides that, with all the bad FUD creating news lately, does anyone really trust a crazy man in a sleigh dressed in red passing out packages who can somehow travel faster than the speed of light? Seriously, he COULD be a terrorist, and all those shiney packages COULD be filled with anthrax, or nukes, or something else far more poisinous to the planet, like PS2's or televisions.

And then, everyone sits down to a nice dinner of diseased feedlotted, poisioned food(aspartame, Monosodium glutamate, carnageenan, http://www.ideatown.com/ntxa/index.html for the list) and talk amongst themselves. This is why we have outbreaks every year, undercooked meat gets on the table, people eat it and catch whatever the poor animal had at the feedlot in china. This is also why they are getting worse year by year, antibiotics injected into your animals daily when they are sick will make an infection that's resistant to those antibiotics. So celebrating good ol' jolly saint nick has some pretty bad effects, far worse a toll than some terrorists crashing planes into buildings imo.

Then of course, kids rip open playstations or televisions or gamecubes or other toys, never things that they really need like books, electronics kits, free hug cards from their parents or in some cases, computers w/ internet connections. Instead of going out and experiencing life they sit at home and play games or watch TV and poison themselves on junk food. The sugary candy of entertainment.

But that's just my bitching, don't mind the madman. Even though I'm right and you all know it I'll be neatly ignored because you're all, unlike me, sluts to convenience. I'm happy this year because I'v got family who sent me cards and remembered I existed, and everyone in my family is in one piece. Some kids don't care, or don't even know their parents because they work 14 hours a day all week and the kids never get to see them. Others take them for granted, and they don't give enough hugs.

NORAD SANTA MUSIC (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807374)

Ringo R0X

OMG THIS A TOTAL STEAL (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#7807389)

International music star Esteban [idea-direct.com] has made a guitar for all of us. It's a very a high quality instrument (I actually saw this guitar in Wal-mart and can vouche for its quality) that we can learn to play the one and only real music genre... Flamenco

Truly a slashdot icon.
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