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The Galaxy's Largest Diamond

michael posted more than 10 years ago | from the you-pay-shipping dept.

Space 364

unassimilatible writes "The Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics reports 'to impress your favorite lady this Valentine's Day, get her the galaxy's largest diamond.' A newly discovered cosmic diamond is a chunk of crystallized carbon 50 light-years from the Earth in the constellation Centaurus. It is 2,500 miles across and weighs 5 million trillion trillion pounds, which translates to approximately 10 billion trillion trillion carats, or a one followed by 34 zeros. A cheesy, unrealistic simulation is also available. AP has a story as well."

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GNAA Leaks Windows 2000 Source code (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278227)

GNAA Leaks Windows 2000 Source code
by GNAA staff

As previously reported here [] , source code to Microsoft's latest operating system has been stolen.

So far, nobody claimed responsibility for the act, and Microsoft is denying it even happened. But you know better than that! GNAA 0wnz you.

We will be right back after this commercial break!
According to Google Zeitgeist [] , there are about 80% of Internet Explorer 6 [] users. The only platform supporting Internet Explorer 6 is, of course, Microsoft Windows. These statistics are consistent with the earlier presented graphs of the operating systems used to access Google, with the Windows family consistently taking the top 3 ranks. Out of remaining 20%, the split is even between MSIE 5.5, MSIE 5.0, both Windows-only browsers. Netscape 5.x (including Mozilla) counts for only a measly 5% of browsers used to access Google. As you can see from the graph, this sample was calculated starting from March 2001 until September 2003.
According to Google Zeitgeist [] , there are about 80% of Internet Explorer 6 [] users. The only platform supporting Internet Explorer 6 is, of course, Microsoft Windows. These statistics are consistent with the earlier presented graphs of the operating systems used to access Google, with the Windows family consistently taking the top 3 ranks. Out of remaining 20%, the split is even between MSIE 5.5, MSIE 5.0, both Windows-only browsers. Netscape 5.x (including Mozilla) counts for only a measly 5% of browsers used to access Google. As you can see from the graph, this sample was calculated starting from March 2001 until September 2003.
And now we return to our scheduled broadcast...

.________________________________________________. fucking
| ______________________________________._a,____ | CmdrTaco
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ | will
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ | he ever learn that
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ | GNAA is totally
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ | unstoppable? Teamed
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ | up with the other troll groups,
| _________#1__________?________________________ | GNAA will absolutely own
| _________j1___________________________________ | the shitty place that is slashdot.
| ____a,___jk_GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_ | Just remember, the longer the lines are,
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ | the smaller CmdrTaco's penis.
| ______-"!^____________________________________ | This logo is (C) 2003, 2004 GNAA
` _______________________________________________' [1] []

(C) GNAA 2003, 2004

GNAA says FP and I'm GAY (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278229)

So give me some anal sex and a toaster

toasters rule

Re:GNAA says FP and I'm GAY (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278243)

Bend over, I'd love to oblige. Who'd have thought two like minds would discover each other on valentines day.

For the science buffs here... (-1, Troll)

Tirel (692085) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278230)

A paper detailing the discovery has been submitted to The Astrophysical Journal Letters for publication. The postscript version is online at the lanl preprint archive here [] .

Also it has to be pointed out that the diamond is INSIDE the planet, so getting it out would require us to blow through 30 miles of very hard rock.

Re:For the science buffs here... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278311)

Anyone else read that as "blow through 30 miles of very hard cock" ?

No ?

Um...not quite (5, Informative)

UPAAntilles (693635) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278321)

It's a white dwarf [] , the diamond would be sorrounded by plasma and gas.

Re:Um...not quite (4, Funny)

Jebediah21 (145272) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278359)

Heh. I don't even worry... 50 light years a way is a big enough barrier to me. Might as well start buying coal.

Re:Um...not quite (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278394)

Everytime you look at porn a devil gets their horns.

Cool. Can I keep him?

Re:Um...not quite (3, Interesting)

ktanmay (710168) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278439)

Yes, and add to that all the density and intense gravitational pull and we would probably do better here on earth to synthesize diamonds.
50 light years is pretty close, wonder if the early reptiles may have witnessed the nova explosion, in fact it would be interesting to find out if it had any effect on life here on earth.

Re:Um...not quite (0, Troll)

Tirel (692085) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278457)

yes well the star has 300000 times bigger mass than earth, the gravitational pull would compress the gas and plasma into solid rock-like material.

Re:Um...not quite (0)

insecuritiez (606865) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278481)

Gee, the sun is 330,000 times the mass of the earth.... That sure is one bright and fiery gaseous looking rock.

Re:Um...not quite (1)

floamy (608691) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278484)

I've heard that a teaspoon of a white-dwarfs matter would weight over 3 tons here on Earth.

a story (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278231)

Mutant Milkmaids by: Rancid

The County Fair was in full swing when he arrived. With a mere glance around, he knew that he's made the right choice. This was a virtual cornucopia of toothless rednecks just begging for improvement. Dr. Pierce smiled briefly, flashing slightly sharpened teeth and strode out among the people.

Dr. Pierce was a strange sight. Among the large, hairy inhabitants of this small Texan town, he looked more like a giant rodent than a man. His face was lean and pointed, with a beak-like nose, large ears, and round red glasses that totally hid his eyes. His hair was shock white, frazzled and long, tied back in a knotted ponytail. His body was thin, dangerously so. The way his lightly stained labcoat hung on his shoulders, he looked a bit like an undernourished hat-rack.

No, he didn't fit in with this small town, but he wasn't here to make friends...well, that wasn't necessarily true. But when Dr. Pierce made friends, it usually involved spare parts and floating things in jars.

Occasionally he muttered to himself as he squeezed through the crowd. He said stuff like, "too thin", or "bleag", and occasionally "called me mad!".

The crowd parted, and Pierce saw what he was looking for. There was a large table with several fat hicks stuffing themselves with what he hoped was chocolate pie. He pushed through the gathered spectators and gaped at the sign before him.

"Eating contest?" He pushed his red glasses up his thin nose. He returned his gaze to the contestants. "Fascinating."

The contestants were really gorging. By now, the man directly in the middle had already inhaled six pies and was
scooping the seventh down his throat. The others were furiously trying to keep up, but even a large 500 gorilla in
overalls was hard pressed to compete with this eating machine. Pierce's lips split into a thin smile as he watched. The
man was unremarkable at best, with a plain face and the physique of someone thrice his age. In a mere matter of moment,
the young man gulped down five more pies, and ate another one even after the others had stopped. He was undisputed
winner, breaking the previous year's record. By the end, Dr. Pierce was bouncing from foot to foot, giggling.

After the contestants all left, the winner still sat there and rubbed his enormously swollen stomach. After the others had gone, a shadow fell over the gurgling gut, and the lad looked into the piercing red stare of the doctor.

"What is your name, boy?"

The lad looked up. "Uh...Billy Joe."

Pierce beamed, leaning back. "Billy Joe! Wonderful, wonderful. Well, very pleased to meet you Billy. I am Dr. Anthony Pierce. I have need of a young man of your...talents."

Typical of the breed, Billy Joe blinked stupidly. "Huh?"

Pierce seemed to grin wider, making him look a bit like a rabid rat.

"And such a bright lad. Yes, you're absolutely perfect. How old are you?"

"19." Billy was trying to squirm back, but his stomach rendered him immobile.

Pierce nodded sagely. "Good age, that. Yes..." He seemed to look into the horizon, his face twisted into a mask of internal struggle. Finally he nodded and reached into his labcoat and whipped out a small card. BJ shrunk away from it as if worried it would bite or possibly explode. "Here's my card. I'm in need of a ranch hand to help me with a very, VERY secret project. If you're interested in working for me, come to this address. If you are not TOTALLY serious about working for me, do not come. I'll have no slackers interrupting my projects."

Billy Joe took the card and looked at it. It was a black card with Dr. Pierce written in white, nothing more. The address was penciled in on the back.

Billy looked up suddenly. "Hey wait, what does this pay?"

Pierce half-turned and smiled. "Oh not too much....but the benefits are outstanding." He stalked away with sweep of his coat and strode into the sunset.

Billy finally managed to attain his feet, staring at the card. He shrugged and started off for home.

It wasn't until three days later that Billy Joe managed to make his way down to the farm. It wasn't what he expected. There was a house on a hill near a river with more satellite dishes and tubes you'd expect to see coming out of a house. The barn itself looked normal, except it was homier, as if it were more of a boarding house than some place to corral animals. There was a longer building that looked a bit like an old style military hangar, with lightning rods and odd solar panels. There weren't any electric fences either, but there were poles that appeared to have beams of reddish light that glowed faintly in the early morning fog. There was also a slightly scorched sign that read 'Trespassers Will Be Horribly Mutated'.

Billy whistled, half impressed, half scared shitless. He parked his bike next to what looked like a gate in the middle of the laser fence. He hopped off and walked over to a console with a screen and speaker.


The line was dead. After a few minutes, Billy shrugged and picked up his bike. He was just about to leave when the screen flickered. The pale face of Dr. Pierce flickered briefly, and grinned.

"I knew you'd come."

The screen went dark, and the gates opened. Billy hesitated only a moment, and strode through the gates, rolling his bike along with him. The gates closed, and soon he found himself on the front porch of the house with Pierce. Setting his bike down, the two figures walked to the barn, talking. Mostly Pierce just asked questions and Billy answered them.

"Any family?"

"Ur, my pop, but he's usually too drunk to know where HE is, so's usually I just so mah own thing, an' he don't bother me none."


"Some guys I hang out behind the bar on weekends."

"Any experience with animals?"

"We gotta dog."

"Farm animals..."

"Oh...yeah, me an' Pop used ta go down to my Gramp's farm, but he died."

Pierce nodded. "Good, good..."

BJ was thinking how his Gramp's death wasn't "good, good", and was about to argue the fact when Pierce threw open the doors. Billy's jaw dropped as he saw inside.

The barn looked more like a college dorm inside. Several rooms in a hall, a high ceiling, and what appeared to be a second floor. There were...


Naked girls. With round breasts, pert bottoms, trim tummies, dark spots, small horns...

Spots and horns?

Pierce was already striding toward the girls, who shrieked and slid into various rooms, slamming doors. Pierce shouted. "Alright girls! Time to work! Get your plump rears in gear or it's hamburger for the lot of you!"

BJ snuck up, shaking visibly. "Doc...what?..."

Pierce gave him half a glance. "Cowgirls. A creation of mine. I thought to myself...Farming is hard work...what I need is cows that milk themselves. So by combining the best traits of cows and humans, I came up with a race of cows that begs to be milked and is more than willing to do her part to solve world hunger. Farm hands and cattle all in one bouncy package...but sometimes they're just a little too independent..."He gave Billy a meaningful stare. "That's where you come in."

Billy nodded and was about to comment when the girls started to pile out. They looked just like human girls except for a very thin layer of spotted white fur, wide bovine muzzles, small horns, tails, and hooves. Each girl was wearing clean farm overalls and little else. This did very little to protect their modesty, because each cowgirl had a least a D-cup bustline, and the straps strained over their chests. One larger one wore a tight shirt, with 'Got Milk?' on the front. Billy had a hard time keep his eyes in his head, and something else in his pants. He shifted uncomfortably as Pierce addressed the cowgirls.

"Before we begin, let me introduce our new farmhand...His name is Billy Joe. Now we all know what happened to the last ranch hand. Let's try to get along with this one, ok?" He turned to Billy and beamed. "These are your new partners. Let me introduce...ah, this is Ellie May, And Bobbi, Jeanie Sue, Suzi Q., Mary Jane, Julie, and this..." He stopped in front of the girl with the shirt. She was at least a foot taller than the others, and built like wrestler, with breasts bigger than Billy's head. "This is Butch. She's the leader of the herd, and doesn't take shit from anyone, least of all me. She knows her place, tho, so do what you can to keep the others in control, but just leave Butch alone...we'll all be a lot happier."

Billy nodded. Butch was a head taller than he. She folded her arms over her breasts (quite a task) which smooshed them against her chest, tearing the collar of her shirt to reveal a healthy helping of cleavage. If Billy wasn't so entranced, he might have noticed something more important about Butch's body, but the doc clapped his hands, startling the new ranch hand.

"Ok! To the processing plant. Double time! Get your asses strapped in, we start in 10 minutes. Any stragglers and I bring out the grill!"

The girls giggled nervously and hurried out, bouncing on purpose and trying to attract Billy's attention. Butch stayed behind, glaring at BJ for a long moment, then unfolded her arms, storming out. Pierce seemed to relax a bit when she left.

Billy grunted. "What's with Butch?"

Pierce looked startled and pulled out a hanky, dabbing sweat from his brow. "She was my first...a wasn't fully successful...not in the way I wanted. But she's the best one of the herd...not just a brainless ditz like the others. Still, she worries me slightly."

BJ was about to ask more questions, but Pierce was already striding out, pulling a clipboard from the wall near the door. Billy followed at his heels, but Doc merely muttered to himself.

"Production is down...might have to get one of them pregnant. Increases milk production, don't you know? Hmmm, still, hopefully it won't be necessary. Always so messy, but it does increase moral..." Tucking the clipboard under his armpit and threw open the door to the long hangar.

The interior of the hangar was made up of dozens of large stalls, each one with a small milking machine with several tubes and hoses. There was also a beanbag couch, to make the girls comfortable. The girls...

Billy gaped. All the girls had unbuttoned their overalls, the strap hanging down. Occasionally their overalls would slip, giving Billy a sneak peek at their pink nether lips. All of them were fixing long tubes over their nipples, which slurped on wetly as the suction trapped the tender nipples. But there were too many... Billy walked in and took a closer look, and saw that most of the girls had several nipples on their breasts, four on each. Some were longer, like udders, others had two pairs of breasts with normal nipples. The only one who looked normal was Mary Jane, who had medium sized breasts, with two small nipples.


Pierce strode up. "Experiments...I haven't been able to make cowgirls really consistent until recently. These are the best of the herd. Different in appearances, but excellent producers."

Butch herself had four massive nipples on each breast, and watched the other girls with interest, making sure each one was strapped into their milking tubes before taking off her own shirt. The girls all settled down in beanbag couches, giggling and watching Billy and Pierce expectantly.

All except Mary Jane, who stood there with her top down, and shaking her head at the milking machine in her stall.

Pierce growled at Mary Jane, who stuck out her chin defiantly. He walked over to a console on the wall, typed in a command, and threw a large switch. The milking machines kicked into life, humming and slurping hungrily. All of the cowgirls gasped, lying back as they were milked. A few of them stripped totally for the experience, but some of the shyer cows closed the gate to their stall as Pierce and Billy walked toward the whimpering Mary Jane. Some even slipped their hoof-like hands down their overalls, starting to stroke between their legs.

Mary Jane slumped back against her couch. She was shaking. Billy finally noticed how small she was compared to the other cows. She was smaller than him, and a lot thinner. She looked younger too.

Pierce stopped in front of her, and glared at Butch, who glared back. He put his hands on his hips.

"Two days you've refused to give milk! You eat my food, life safe here on the farm, and still you don't give milk. Do you want to see what's past the Green Door?"

Pierce pointed at the Green Door. Billy wondered what was so important about it, but Pierce interrupted his train of thought.

"That's it, I'm at my wit's end." He kicked the couch out of the way and pressed a button on the side of the stall. Under the couch were four leather straps on the floor, and a small steel wall with a neck-sized hole in it rose from the floor. "Billy...Subdue her."

Billy looked to Butch. She didn't look happy, but made no move.


Without thinking, Billy tackled Mary Jane. She mooed pathetically and rolled, bucking him off. Billy made another lunge, but as he grabbed her waist, her small horn gouged a chunk of flesh out of his shoulder. Howling angrily, he bit her neck reflexively, a weak moan coming from the scared cowgirls. Taking this opportunity, he pushed her onto her stomach, and pulled her arm behind her arm, twisting...

"Enough..." Pierce grabbed her hair. "You are still cattle my dear..." He dropped her head, leaning back. "Put her in the stocks."

Billy lifting the unresisting girl's head, putting it into the neck hole and closing the top on it. He started to strap her knees and wrists to the floor, and stood up, holding his bleeding shoulder.

"'ve done this before I see..." He kneeled, putting the two small tubes on MJ's nipples and turning on the machine manually. Creamy milk filled the clear tube, splashing as it was slowly sucked into the hose.

Pierce stood and dusted off his knees. "Stay here Billy...I'll go get something for your shoulder. Make sure she doesn't struggle free. They don't look it, but these cowgirls are much stronger than your average human." He strode out, closing the stall door to keep the others from seeing MJ's predicament.

Billy shook softly, trying to hold in his anger. He held his shoulder, blood leaking past his fingers. He walked around to look Mary Jane in her tear-stained face.

"You....little bitch...Ya coulda killed me..."

Mary Jane was so startled she looked up, as best she could. She shivered and whimpered. "Help me..."

Billy growled, about to rip loose with a barrage of foul language and verbal abuse. But suddenly he came up with a better idea. He reached down and started to unzip his pants. "Ah'll help ya awright...The doc says getting' you cows pregnant helps production. Ah figger Ah can knock ya up real nice."

Mary Jane shook her head. "No...please..."

Billy grunted, walking behind her and kneeling behind her trembling body. "Maybe you'd like me ta Ah knock you up another way, then." He slapped her ass hard. MJ shook harder, mooing softly. He nodded. "Didn't think so."

He spread her plump ass cheeks, and leaned close. His already throbbing cock pressed between her cheeks, rubbing under her tail and brushing her already moistening sex lips. Her tail flicked weakly, tickling Billy's large gut. Finally, he leaned back, and started to push his thick member past her damp folds roughly, spearing her on his shaft. The trapped cowgirl gasped, starting to struggle. The metal collar started to cut into her neck as she tried to escape, and the hinges of the collar creaked ominously.

Billy saw the danger immediately, pulling out. He grabbed her tail and lifting it, pushing his cocktip against her tight pucker.

"Stop moving right now or Ah rip inta this tight little ass of yers!"

Mary Jane stopped moving immediately, trembling and sobbing quietly. Billy smirked and pushed back into her tight cow cunt, thrusting hard. His stomach slapped against her fat rump as he pushed into her. His hands slipped down, brushing along her breasts and the tube with its milk rushing past. The thought of him fucking this little cow while she was being milked sent a shiver down his spine, and he started to thrust harder. He pounded into her for several minutes, totally oblivious to the fact that the milking machines were starting to shut down around him, the personal milker in the stall buzzing in his ears.

It wasn't until the door opened that he realized he was in deep shit.

It wasn't Dr. Pierce. Billy would have given anything to see Dr. Pierce standing in the doorway. Butch, and several of the other cowgirls were standing there, with Billy kneeling in mid-thrust, and Mary Jane mooing sadly. Butch was furious, her muscles bulging all over her large arms, and across her exposed chest and stomach. Billy wouldn't be surprised if Billy could crack coconuts in her cleavage, even her breasts seemed muscular at the moment.

Billy pulled out of the dripping cunny and tried to think of an excuse. 'It wasn't me' sounded really lame right now. He thought as quickly as he could, and one thing became shockingly clear.

"Ah am so fucked..."

Butch grabbed him by his partly unbuttoned shirt and lifted him two feet off the ground. "You have NO idea."

She pulled her hanging overalls down. Billy Joe nearly chocked at what he saw. Butch had a huge cock, as long as his arm and almost twice as thick. Of course it was less impressive on her since her whole body was massive, but to someone Billy's size, it was a nightmare.

"I am going to tear you a new ass, boy." Butch lifted the petrified farmhand and positioned him directly above hir huge pink shaft, raised him high...


They all turned around, and saw Pierce standing there with a first aid kit. He took a quick look around and took in the scene. A bruised and crying Mary Jane, a terrified redneck, and a vengeful herm cow ready to dish out some rear-rending justice. He shook his head sadly.

"Very disappointing..." He set the kit down and unlocked Mary Jane. One of the other cowgirls immediately started tending the crying girl's wounds. Pierce stood and glared at Billy and Butch, who hadn't moved.

"Well..." Pierce cleared his throat. "I certainly can't let this happen. Last time you 'educated' a farmhand, you broke him well beyond repair before I got back..."

Butch growled. "Did you see what he did to Mary Jane? He's getting off lucky!" She raised Billy Joe again, who started to struggle with renewed energy.

Pierce shook his head. "No...He does need to be punished...but I think he can best serve out his term as part of the herd."

The gathered girls looked relieved and started to giggle.

Even Butch looked surprised, lowering Billy slowly. " mean?"

Pierce nodded. "Best way to increase production, add to the herd, and punish him all at the same time. Besides...I think Mary Jane would enjoy a sister."

The girls nodded, starting to cluster around Butch, stroking her large body lightly. Mary Jane stood finally, wounds treated and tears dried. She watched Billy expectantly, and Billy just looked confused. Finally, Butch nodded.

Pierce smiles and lead the way to a larger stall near the back of the hangar.

"Suzi Q, you and Mary help Butch to keep Billy still. I don't want him getting hurt. Butch, you know the drill."

Butch set Billy down, handing him to the two strong females. She lay down on the large pile of pillows that lined the floor and spread her legs. Three of the other cows kneeled, one starting to fondle a breast, suckling at one of Butch's milk-dripping nipples. The other two snuggled against her tummy and thigh, both caressing and licking the massive cock between Butch's legs. Properly relaxed by the attentions, Butch leans back further, moaning softly and hugging the nearest member of the herd. Her herd.

Billy watched the scene, cock rock hard again despite the danger of his situation. Mary glared at him one last time, then lifted Billy herself, starting Suzi. Holding BJ's legs closed with one arm, Mary drew his outstretched feet toward Butch. The two girls licking the glistening cock reached down and spread Butch's pussy lips, and with a warm slurping sound, Mary pushed Billy into the hot pink cleft up to his knees.

Billy was stunned, "Hey! Waitaminute! Ya can't do tha-ACK!"

Butch moaned lustily, hir moist inner muscles flexing tightly around Billy's legs. Mary Jane pushed him deeper, his feet pushing against Butch's tight cervix, which parted suddenly to trap his feet in the waiting womb. Soon, Billy's throbbing cock was sucked into Butch's body.

Mary Jane was crying angrily, whispering into Billy's ear. "Bastard...bastard! See how you like being raped when Mommy gets done with you..."

Billy was panicking. He could only sit there and stare. The two girls worshiping Butch's cock slid up and straddled hir hips, entwining arms and legs around the massive member. Rubbing against it, nipples and cunnies wet with the attention, both cowgirls started to lick the massive tip. Their tongues roamed over the surface, into each other's mouths, and back along the shaft as they ground their bodies against the hot member.

As Butch's muscles contracted, they sucked Billy deeper, his balls pressing against the stretched cervix. He shook and yelled out, cumming hard against Butch's inner walls. Mary Jane gave him a disgusted look and shoved hard. Billy's chest and head disappeared past the swollen folds. Only his arms remained out of Butch's body, flailing weakly.

Butch was in heaven. The twin girls rubbing hir cock, and the struggling man in hir pussy, and several other girls suckling at hir tits. Shi mooed loudly, and came hard. Hir cock exploded, hot malecum splashing the giggling twins, and female cream gushing from hir stuffed cunt. The muscles contracted, and Billy was sucked the rest of the way inside. Meanwhile, Butch bucked and moaned, soaking the pillows and the females in the room. Shi finally came down and rubbed hir tummy, which now looked more than 8 months pregnant with BJ. Butch could see the skin over hir belly move as Billy squirmed inside. The others, who had all been knocked off in Butch's climax, and now all of them rubbed at the moving bulge.

Inside Butch's womb, Billy was wild with panic. He was running out of air, and he was totally trapped. He shifted, but a sudden pain in his navel caused him to curl up and lay perfectly still. He grabbed at his stomach and felt a long moist tube sliding into his gut. He tugged at the cord, but a sharp pain ceased further attacks. Then he realized he wasn't having any problems breathing. Distracted, he curled back up. Suddenly he heard Butch's muffled voice call out to him.

"That's right baby, you just calm right down..." shi cooed. "Mommy will take good care of you from now on. But when you come out, mommy is still going to beat your little ass black and blue for hurting little Mary Jane. But you've got a few months to think about what you did."

Pierce walked back in, having narrowly avoided a cum shower. He scratched his stubbly chin. "Well...things didn't work out as well as I hoped, but all in all this was an advantageous turn of events."

Butch just glared. "You knew what was going to happen, didn't you? That's why you picked such a fat redneck bastard. He should be a good producer when she's born."

Pierce sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, avoiding Mary Jane's accusing stare.

"If you've got a better way to get new cows for our farm, you tell me. And you know perfectly well that Billy...or should I say Billi Jo, will be your new fucktoy when she gets out."

Butch actually blushed and looked away. Mary Jane hugged hir and shivered. "Will Billi still be mean when she comes out?"

Butch patted hir tummy and gasped as shi felt Billi squirm a bit more.

"We'll just have to wait and see, sweetheart. Wait and see."

To be continued...

In other news... (5, Funny)

Alizarin Erythrosin (457981) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278237)

DeBeers has announced their official entry into the X-prize competition...

Beware (5, Funny)

Zork the Almighty (599344) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278431)

It's a conflict diamond - from a war a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Re:In other news... (0, Redundant)

andy55 (743992) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278450)

DeBeers has announced their official entry into the X-prize competition...

In other news... De Beers made a press release shortly ago annoucing full support and funding for the Bush administration's push to the moon as well as "additional" space exploration.

Article Text (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278238)

Props to GNAA

This Valentine's Day, Give The Woman Who Has Everything The Galaxy's Largest Diamond

Cambridge, MA -- When choosing a Valentine's Day gift for a wife or girlfriend, you can't go wrong with diamonds. If you really want to impress your favorite lady this Valentine's Day, get her the galaxy's largest diamond. But you'd better carry a deep wallet, because this 10 billion trillion trillion carat monster has a cost that's literally astronomical!

"You would need a jeweler's loupe the size of the Sun to grade this diamond!" says astronomer Travis Metcalfe (Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics), who leads a team of researchers that discovered the giant gem. "Bill Gates and Donald Trump together couldn't begin to afford it."

When asked to estimate the value of the cosmic jewel, Ronald Winston, CEO of Harry Winston Inc., indicated that such a large diamond probably would depress the value of the market, stating, "Who knows? It may be a self-deflating prophecy because there is so much of it." He added, "It is definitely too big to wear!"

The newly discovered cosmic diamond is a chunk of crystallized carbon 50 light-years from the Earth in the constellation Centaurus. (A light-year is the distance light travels in a year, or about 6 trillion miles.) It is 2,500 miles across and weighs 5 million trillion trillion pounds, which translates to approximately 10 billion trillion trillion carats, or a one followed by 34 zeros.

"It's the mother of all diamonds!" says Metcalfe. "Some people refer to it as 'Lucy' in a tribute to the Beatles song 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.'"

The diamond star completely outclasses the largest diamond on Earth, the 530-carat Star of Africa which resides in the Crown Jewels of England. The Star of Africa was cut from the largest diamond ever found on Earth, a 3,100-carat gem.

The huge cosmic gem (technically known as BPM 37093) is actually a crystallized white dwarf. A white dwarf is the hot core of a star, left over after the star uses up its nuclear fuel and dies. It is made mostly of carbon and is coated by a thin layer of hydrogen and helium gases.

For more than four decades, astronomers have thought that the interiors of white dwarfs crystallized, but obtaining direct evidence became possible only recently.

"The hunt for the crystal core of this white dwarf has been like the search for the Lost Dutchman's Mine. It was thought to exist for decades, but only now has it been located," says co-author Michael Montgomery (University of Cambridge).

The white dwarf studied by Metcalfe, Montgomery, and Antonio Kanaan (UFSC Brazil), is not only radiant but also harmonious. It rings like a gigantic gong, undergoing constant pulsations.

"By measuring those pulsations, we were able to study the hidden interior of the white dwarf, just like seismograph measurements of earthquakes allow geologists to study the interior of the Earth. We figured out that the carbon interior of this white dwarf has solidified to form the galaxy's largest diamond," says Metcalfe.

Our Sun will become a white dwarf when it dies 5 billion years from now. Some two billion years after that, the Sun's ember core will crystallize as well, leaving a giant diamond in the center of our solar system.

"Our Sun will become a diamond that truly is forever," says Metcalfe.

A paper announcing this discovery has been submitted to The Astrophysical Journal Letters for publication.

Headquartered in Cambridge, Mass., the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics is a joint collaboration between the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory and the Harvard College Observatory. CfA scientists, organized into six research divisions, study the origin, evolution and ultimate fate of the universe.

For more information, contact:

David Aguilar, Director of Public Affairs
Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
Phone: 617-495-7462 Fax: 617-495-7468

Christine Pulliam
Public Affairs Specialist
Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
Phone: 617-495-7463, Fax: 617-495-7016

closer (3, Interesting)

kyshtock (608605) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278239)

Wasn't there a theory that the core of Jupiter was diamond?

Re:closer (2, Insightful)

klasikahl (627381) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278288)

Would that not imply that Jupiter is a star-turned-white-dwarf? I'm pretty sure it would. In which case, it is highly unlikely that Jupiter once was a star.

Re:closer (1)

Nihilist_CE (683399) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278452)

Would that not imply that Jupiter is a star-turned-white-dwarf? No, just that Jupiter has a high carbon content (highly likely) and that the core is under intense pressure (certain). Arthur C. Clarke endorsed the idea in 2010: Odyssey Two. He also invented the radio satellite [] in 1945. The guy knows his stuff.

2010 : Odyssey Two (5, Informative)

MichaelGCD (728279) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278371)

I remember reading that in 2010: Odyssey Two. In the book, there's a diamond the size of earth at it's core.

Re:closer (4, Interesting)

Genda (560240) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278464)

Uh no... no diamond at the core of Jupiter... there is still some question about rocky, heavy metal, or metalic hydrogen at the core...

In any of those cases, the state of matter at jupiter's core would be pretty exotic stuff, even a diamond at those temperatures and pressures would flow like water...

And no, jupiter was never large enough to have sustained fusion, though it does emit a whole lotta heat and readio waves.

Genda Bendte

DeBeers (5, Funny)

stibles (708899) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278241)

Sadly DeBeers has already posted one poor volunteer from South Africa to sit on it until it gets close enough to rope in.

Oh my God... (5, Funny)

meeotch (524339) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278252)'s full of Retsyn!


um what? (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278466)

this is what i could find []

Q: What is RETSYN?
A: RETSYN is a Warner-Lambert Company trademark for the active ingredient in CERTS, Cool Mint Drops, and CERTS Power Mints. RETSYN* consists of a combination of copper gluconate and hydrogenated cottonseed oil. It is RETSYN, in addition to the flavor, which is responsible for the efficacy of CERTS against breath odours. The hydrogenated vegetable oil and the copper gluconate absorb odors in the mouth.

which KIND of makes sense but is really very obscure that i find it hard to believe that it would go plus 4 funny so fast

thank god for that high res pic (5, Funny)

werdnapk (706357) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278259)

Is the high resolution image for the women?

Just in time for Valentine's Day (5, Funny)

antispamist (653732) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278262)

Great, now I have to haul my ass all the way to where?

This getting married thing is getting more and more complicated each year.

eat a dick (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278345)

OMG, that so is really totally funny.

Re:Just in time for Valentine's Day (4, Funny)

Lane.exe (672783) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278355)

You get married each year? Tough break, bro.

eat a dick (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278379)


Re:Just in time for Valentine's Day (1)

_Potter_PLNU_ (627430) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278428)

I must say, one of the only times I'm glad I don't have a women in my life...Don't have to deal with Valentine's Day I just have to deal with Single's Awareness Day. Reminds me of that Jimmy Stewart film where he tells the girl he'll lasso the moon and bring it down for her. Now you guys with ladies are gonna have to get that lasso out and rope this sucker and bring it down ;).

Largest diamond? (2, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278267)

> A newly discovered cosmic diamond is a chunk of crystallized carbon 50 light-years from the Earth in the constellation Centaurus. It is 2,500 miles across...

Then again, maybe Sir Arthur's conjecture is right and there's a much larger diamond in our own "backyard". Now if only the Firstborn would do their thing and fire up Lucifer, diamond would be as cheap as sand...

Re:Largest diamond? (2, Funny)

PakProtector (115173) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278325)

I'm sorry, Dave, but I can't allow you to do that. It would jepordize the mission.

ppfffttt (5, Insightful)

phlegmofdiscontent (459470) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278270)

When the hell are news outlets going to hire writers that at least understand science somewhat and won't dumb it down so far that it becomes just another fluff story next to the one about the cute puppies? Granted, it's cool that scientists can confirm a hunk of crystallized carbon that large, but give me a friggin break....

Re:ppfffttt (3, Insightful)

azcoffeehabit (533327) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278341)

yeah seriously, there has to be more to say about this discovery then "you couldnt wear it as a ring" wtf is that about. You would think a group with the name The Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics would have a bit more of a profound view on the crystalization(sp?) of a star, than "bill gates couldn't afford it". Oh well, lets hope for a more scientific update on this.

Re:ppfffttt (1)

alex_ant (535895) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278373)

Get a photocopy of Astrophysical Journal Letters from your local library (via interlibrary loan if they don't carry it) and don't be such a snob.

Re:ppfffttt (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278419)

you almost had a good point of "for more info you should check out Astrophysical Journal Letters usually found at the library". but then you had to let your personallity shine through, a bit less bright than that diamond, maybe a bit closer to that coal you got for christmas. bah humbug

Quite the sparkle? (5, Insightful)

loyalsonofrutgers (736778) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278271)

My understanding is that the vast majority of a diamond's "sparkle" is the result of careful cutting and controlling where the light enters the diamond. Slicing through an otherwise uncut diamond would not be too impressive, I'd imagine. Especially considering the lack of a strong light source.

Maybe a more worthwhile story would be on the fact that the entire diamond industry is created by incredibly strict control of the supply, which is kept artificially low to dramatically inflate price. If people knew, and accepted, the truth this wouldn't be considered that much more special than the fact that some other planets are just big, big versions of rocks. Gasp!

Re:Quite the sparkle? (5, Insightful)

ClubStew (113954) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278368)

Actually, the sad thing is that most people seem to already know this but no one does / can do (?) anything to stop them. DeBeers, after all, pretty much controls the majority of diamonds on this planet.

To give DeBeers the slap in the face they need, maybe we should harvest this white dwarf. Heck, just tell Liz Taylor about this and she'll get that "sparkly" diamond almost half as big as she is in no time!

Slashdot has already run that story (4, Informative)

Texas Rose on Lava L (712928) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278374)

Re:Slashdot has already run that story (1)

loyalsonofrutgers (736778) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278404)

Oh, sure, the stories have been run everywhere, including, as you point out, Slashdot. I didn't mean the story would be a good instead-ran for Slashdot, simply that it would be a more appropriate story for the media to report on for some sort of "human interest" fluff piece on Valentine's Day. Instead they perpetuate mistruths and misperceptions.

My point is that this story arises now for two reasons: 1) It is Valentine's Day, and diamonds and Valentine's Day go hand in hand, and 2) Diamonds are considered particularly valuable and special in our society. Both of which tap into the public's complete and utter lack of acceptance that diamonds are a scam that they willingly allow to be perpetuated against themselves.

Besides, this is also the same public of which 3/4ths believed (and I'm speaking fairly anecdotally here, but this sort of thing has been demonstrated time and again) that Iraq had nuclear weapons. The truth may have been reported upon, and a majority of people may have heard it at some point, but all it takes is one DeBeers commercial (or one more misleading headline) and they're right back to thinking they're worth the moon.

Re:Quite the sparkle? (4, Informative)

Animats (122034) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278384)

Yeah, and Gemesys [] , the new synthetic diamond gem manufacturer, caved in to deBeers and are now engraving "Gemesis created" and a serial number on each stone.

But in time, the bottom will fall out. In 1943, Linde Chemical created the first synthetic sapphire. Now, you can buy 200mm sapphire bar stock. [] Big 16mm gem-quality sapphires are available for about $10. The same thing happened to rubies and emeralds.

They're just rocks, people.

Woo. (3, Funny)

Renraku (518261) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278273)

Us guys will be in seriously deep shit with our signifigant others if someone gives that to his signifigant other.

Re:Woo. (4, Funny)

Trillan (597339) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278362)

Well, if you stop reading slashdot maybe your computer won't notice. :)

The meaning of life (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278277)

Perhaps the universe is merely a diamond-making machine, and everything else, including earth, life, and grits are merely unwanted industrial byproducts.

Or perhaps not.

Re:The meaning of life (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278297)

The universe is a cow that ate some Indian diamond merchant's stash. The Big Crunch is when we plop into the street.

What's the surface gravity? (1)

Animats (122034) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278282)

Is this a stellar mass squeezed down to planetary size, or what?

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278305)

> What's the surface gravity?

Phenomenally high, something in the range of 1.1 to 2.5 at best guess

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278330)

huh? 1.2 to 2.5 whats? Certainly not G's?

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278356)

Atmospheres? Bar?

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278386)

1.2 to 2.5 steve jobs reality distortion fields.

1.2 might not sound much, but when it's continuous... phwoooar that's some force.

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278409)

> What's the surface gravity? Phenomenally high, something in the range of 1.1 to 2.5 at best guess -- Wrong. First goto this link that is +5 Informative, at front of this discussion: cid=8278321 Then click the link inside which is this: dwarfs.html then read this paragraph: "With a surface gravity of 100,000 times that of the earth, the atmosphere of a white dwarf is very strange."

Re:What's the surface gravity? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278441)

And why is that 'wrong'? did you even THINK of the units that were being mentioned? obviously not.

And turn fucking plain text on, your run on sentences make you look like a retard.

I'd still get nagged... (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278284)

with something like "I heard Shelly's daughter has one with 10 billion trillion trillion TRILLION carats."
"You dont love me...."


Formation (3, Interesting)

whereiswaldo (459052) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278290)

Did this diamond form based on the same principles as diamonds here on Earth? I thought coal had to be very highly compressed for ages before it became a diamond. Not so?

Re:Formation (5, Funny)

zokrath (593920) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278317)

All it takes is blue spandex, a cape, and a wry grin given to an amazed coal worker.

Re:Formation (3, Funny)

MachDelta (704883) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278337)

Carbon + Heat + Pressure = Diamond

So maybe its a chunk of a planet that got creamed by a really big rock.

Or, more likely, its a rejected engagement ring on some faraway planet.
Female Alien: Only 10 billion trillion trillion carats?! You OBVIOUSLY don't love me that much if thats all you can afford! Throw it into space, I don't want it!! *stomps off*

Re:Formation (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278346)

Not coal just carbon.

Re:Formation (4, Insightful)

Xeriar (456730) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278354)

Sort of. Stars will fuse elements into heavier and heavier elements, up to iron (since making heavier elements actually takes energy, any larger atoms are made in negligable quantities outside of supernovas).

Anyway, my (educated) guess would be that this given star had enough mass to fuse elements up to carbon, but not further - not enough to sustain its continued existance as a 'star', anyway.

At least, I'm inferring from the article that this star is fast becoming a 'black dwarf' - I could be wrong and this is just a white dwarf in its carbon stage, but by that measure there would certainly be far, far larger diamonds out there (and in great numbers).

Re:Formation (2)

IWasHopsoned (677895) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278376)

I can imagine that its own gravity was enough to compress it into a diamond.

Breaking news flash. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278296)

I for one welcome our new diamond overlords.

Re:Breaking news flash. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278476)

in soviet russia diamond owns you!

valuables in space (3, Interesting)

jjeffries (17675) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278313)

I wonder if these kinds of discoveries could get otherwise uninterested parties into the space biz. Plenty of scenerios have us mining the moon for oxygen, fuel, etc, in order to survive up there, but what about other minerals/precious stones? If a huge chunk of [gold|platinium|unobtainium] were found on the moon, would it be cost effective to mine it and send it back to earth?

I'm sure there will be other such finds. This huge diamond probably doesn't even scratch the surface. (ha!)

The economy of large extraterrestrial finds? (1)

Peter Cooper (660482) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278363)

If a huge chunk of [gold|platinium|unobtainium] were found on the moon, would it be cost effective to mine it and send it back to earth?

The main problem is that the Earth's economy would be screwed up if something of immense value was brought back.

The value of gold (and our reliance on it to balance certain markets) or oil is based on there being a fixed amount of it, a regulated supply of it, or both. If you brought back several trillion dollars worth of gold in one giant lump from the Moon, the price of gold on Earth would crash, and currencies based on the gold standard would be made worthless overnight.

This is because gold is, effectively, useless, and only holds stature for traditional and rarity reasons (i.e. 'lots of gold makes me look good because there's so little of it available'). If they brought back significant amounts of oil, however, things would be quite different, as oil has a non-cosmetic use.

This is just how I understand it. An economist can correct me or fill in the blanks.

Re:The economy of large extraterrestrial finds? (1)

Arlet (29997) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278399)

This is because gold is, effectively, useless, and only holds stature for traditional and rarity reasons (i.e. 'lots of gold makes me look good because there's so little of it available'). If they brought back significant amounts of oil, however, things would be quite different, as oil has a non-cosmetic use.

Actually, gold is a very useful material. Check out this link [] for some uses. It doesn't corrode, it is an excellent conductor of heat and electricity, and can be made into really thin wires without breaking. An abundant supply of the stuff would probably help to find more uses for which it is currently too expensive.

Re:The economy of large extraterrestrial finds? (4, Interesting)

silentbozo (542534) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278413)

Gold and diamonds have industrial uses as conductors and abrasives. While having a large amount of either would depress the commodity markets (and send many speculators to the depths of dispair) it would bolster the industries that utilize these items for manufacturing.

Imagine if gold were cheaper than lead - we could market environmentally friendly "lead-free" ammunition. If we had access to diamond sheets large enough, perhaps we could construct windows out of it. Instead of copper wiring, we'd have gold wiring instead. Circuit boards would be plated with gold, and maybe we'd see the return of $20 gold coins that are actually worth $20.

What would REALLY be valuable would be catalytic elements like platinum or palladium. Bring back enough of those and whole new industries could be built around them...

on closer inspection (5, Funny)

mattkime (8466) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278314)

on closer inspection it is revealed to be cubic zirconium which drastically reduces it value at the local pawn shop.

Re:on closer inspection (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278405)

Sure, but billion trillion bazillion is still gonna worth a lot! ;)

Announcing... (2, Funny)

ricochet81 (707864) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278316)

NASA's moon/mars missions have been scrapped. Details vauge. In an unrelated story, DeBeers' announced they will be starting a space program with primary research into developing inter-space missiles.

Numbers (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278318)

Phrases like '5 million trillion trillion" are silly. They should put the number's real name, write it out in digits, and-or use scientific notation (or a variant like C-style "e notation"). It ticks me off -- the magnitude is already so large that it's incredibly hard to visualize, so they should put it in the clearest format possible. Do people say "there are sixty hundred hundred hundred hundred people alive on earth"? No, of course not, they say "six billion" or "6,000,000,000". If the people printing this assume that no one knows the words for numbers above a trillion, they could at least use the semi-easily-parsed "followed by n zeros" format consistently.

Re:Numbers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278406)

I disagree.

1. Nobody but geeks know scientific notation, and not even all of them because I am one and I always get confused by it myself because I almost never use it in my daily life.

2. That would be an awfully long number to write out, and they'd still want to give it a name so people can say it easily.

The way they wrote it is quite easy to figure out how big it is. the number is:

5,000,000 * 1,000,000,000,000 * 1,000,000,000,000

So it is:

Now, if they didn't write that out, and you couldn't use scientific notation to describe it to your freinds, and you hadn't heard it was five million trillion trillion, what would you tell them the number is? Quick, you have five seconds to count the digits in your head assuming you have photographic memory... Ding! Time's up. You probably didn't remember the number of digits, so you're stuck looking like an idiot saying "we... er, it was really really big. No I mean REALLY big."

Re:Numbers (4, Insightful)

crabpeople (720852) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278497)

" They should put the number's real name"

well i see they took the same amount of time and effort as you did. do you actually know what a number with 34 zeros behind it is called??
no? well then. shut the fuck up - it is in the clearest possible format for most people.

oh and i did bother to google [] for it and the first result tells me that it is 10 decilion to americans, or 10 000 quintillion to the rest of the world.

dont just bitch, actually try and learn something - its not hard.

Wouldn't matter (5, Funny)

SavannahLion (701337) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278320)

It wouldn't matter if someone went up and brought the diamond back. As soon as you send it to the jewelers to be mapped and evaluated, they'll just swap it out for another, lesser quality, diamond without you even knowing.

I say leave it in place. We could shave off the first 30 miles of top layer and shine a giant laser at it for the largest intergalactic network ever known to man. Since it would take light 50 years to travel to the planet, Half-Life 2 should be just about ready to play by then.

...galaxy's largest diamond. (4, Funny)

AltGrendel (175092) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278327)

So far.

I hear that Tau Ceti is bragging that they bought a larger one.

But I'll bet it's not flawless (4, Funny)

The_Steel_General (196801) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278336)

Everyone remember, carat is only one of the Four C's. You need to consider the color (it was only blue-white while it was burning) the clarity (probably easy to see some flaws if you got close enough) and the cut (currently round but not brilliant, I suspect)

So, don't overpay for it, no matter what the salesman says about size mattering...


Re:Funny. . . (1)

Bastian (66383) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278462)

. . .I tried telling my wife pretty much same thing on our wedding night. She still wasn't consoled.

Weird Shit from Outer Space we'd like to see... (5, Funny)

heironymouscoward (683461) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278338)

- The universe's largest collection of AOL CDs, approximately a terragoogle of them circling Saturn in the form of one of its rings. Results of failed marketing campaign circa 2501ad.

- A twenty-billion tonne meteor shaped exactly like the Hand of God, heading straight for Ur^h^h the planet Earth.

- Life on Mars, complete with funky trance tunes and dayglo noserings.

- A bong the size of NYC, containing twenty billion tonnes of a material that under examination appears to be chemically identical to Tunisian purple haze. Said bong is orbiting the Sun quite close to Mars and already the petition to send a manned mission to Mars has collected five hundred and thirty million signatures. Most of them say, "send me, send me!" Others just say, "Dude, that's too much!"

- A radio beacon embedded in the heart of a small black rock circling one of Pluto's moon. After the rock is detected and retrieved in 2032 at incredible expense, and cracked open following ten years of drilling, it is found to contain a copy of MAD Magazine from circa 1972 and a small piece of paper with the words "regular delivery to this address, please" on it.

- The discovery, in a deep crater on Mars, of an underground passage leading to a huge room filled with silent, brooding machines. After long study and careful analysis of the patterns and markings, we activate one of the machines. Immediately the whole room comes to life and a small black hole appears in its center. The Martian surface starts to slide into the black hole, then the entire planet, and finally the whole Solar System. A team of two plutonaughts watch the scene from the far boundaries of the Plutonian orbit, and as the last specks are absorbed into the now huge and pulsating black hole, they read, in huge flashing letters, the text "ZIPPING COMPLETE. NOW REFORMATTING MEDIA... 1% COMPLETE, PLEASE WAIT."

Wait til De Beers finds out (1)

bigberk (547360) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278349)

They'll probably stuff the diamond star into a warehouse complex somewhere in Texas, force slaves to chisel off small amounts of it to create the perception of "rareness", and artificially drive up the price to screw ignorant consumers.

I'm reaching high up (4, Funny)

fractaltiger (110681) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278350)

This puts another spin on the phrase "reaching the stars for HER" right?

Too late (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278364)

get her the galaxy's largest diamond

The funding behind the manned Mars mission has just been leaked...

DeBeers [] is funding the mission entirely, after Congressional approval of a DeBeers clause in its contract with the US that specifically states that DeBeers shall retain full ownership of any space debris picked up during the round trip.

And in other news, 75 members of Congress announced their retirements [] within minutes of each other.

10 billion trillion trillion??? (3, Informative)

fafalone (633739) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278372)

Why must people write numbers like that? It's unfathomable anyway so just write the proper name (10 decillion in the US system) instead of obnoxious "billion trillion billion mllion" nonsense. Writing 10 billion trillion trillion doesn't help people understand it better, it just annoys those who know how to correctly name extremely large numbers.

Valentimes disasters (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278377)

Between my girlfriend and my guinea pig, who have had it out for eachother for some time, the girlfriend is happy with the chocolates, but the guinea insists that the space diamond is WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP BRRRRR WHOOP WHOOP....

Arthur C. Clarke's 2063: Odyssey Three (0, Offtopic)

dnahelix (598670) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278382)

It's been a long time since I've read it, but I believe in Odyssey Three after Jupiter becomes a second sun, it's methane core is compressed to crystallized carbon (a giant diamond) and is expelled and lands on Europa and sinks into the icey sea. I remember a scene where an astronauton Europa picks up a shard of diamond and it slices through his space suit, killing him.

Does anyone remember more about this book?

Re: WHOOPS! I mean 2061: Odyssey Three (0, Offtopic)

dnahelix (598670) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278389)

2061: Odyssey Three is the title. Sorry Arthur.

Re:Arthur C. Clarke's 2063: Odyssey Three (0, Offtopic)

Jacer (574383) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278424)

I was pretty sure that was in 2010. The core of Jupiter is discovered to be a diamond roughly the size of the Earth. Then again, it's been ages since I've read them.

ob Rainbow Brite reference (1)

Nakanai_de (647766) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278401)

I hope an evil bitch-queen from space [] doesn't enslave a bunch of cute, fuzzy sprites [] to cover it with netting and tow it away. I was really looking forward to spring [] .

Good luck getting near it. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278402)

Remember folks, gravity is G*(m1*m2)/r^2, where G is the grav constant, m1/2 are your masses, and r is the radius (distance between objects).

White dwarf stars have less than 1.4 (I believe that was the number...on that order, anyhow) solar masses.

Compress our sun to the size of the Earth. You're decreasing the value of 'r' while maintaining the masses. Getting close to the surface would be suicide, even if it was 'cold'.

Valentines Day? (3, Funny) (695374) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278408)

Yes but can fedex or UPS deliver it for Valentines day, any geek could get laid with one of these.

mod dowbn (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278416)

FrreBSD because

Rumor has it... (1)

letdownjournals (737635) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278420)

... Kobe Bryant's already bought it, to buy off his wife.

calculations (again) (5, Informative)

maddh (608481) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278425)

I was curious about if they could land on that to mine it (interstellar distances aside) what kinda gravity would be at the surface. so i did some simple physics calculation, double check my work.

Gravitatotional Force
Fg = G * m1 * m2 * r^-2
Gravitational Acceleration Fg/m2
Ag = G *m1 * r^-2

G = 6.67E-11
m1= 5 million trillion trillion lbs = 5 * 10^6 * 10^12 * 10^12 lbs= 5E30 lbs *(1kg/2.2lbs) = 2.26E30 kg
r = diameter of 2500mi/2 = 1250mi * (1609 m/mi) = 2011680 meters
Ag= 6.67E-11 * 2.26E30kg * (2011680m)^-2 = 37,249,159.4 m/s^2

Ag = (37,249,159.4 m/s^2)/(9.8 m/s^2)= 3,800,934.63 g's

3.8 million times earth gravity?
Unless there was some mistake in the way they described the mass (million billion trillion) that seems pretty rough right?

again correct me if i was wrong.

Cheesy? (1)

flappinbooger (574405) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278427)

A cheesy, unrealistic
simulation []
Oooo... Sparkly!

Change of focus... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278434)

Now, I guess that, encouraged by their discovery, there will be a renewed effort to find Lucy.

--- ...and, on the seventh day, God switched off his Mac.

More reasonable units of measure (5, Informative)

jms (11418) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278435)

According to Google Calculator [] , this diamond has ~ 330,000 times the mass of the planet earth.

Acceleration due to Gravity? (2, Informative)

infonick (679715) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278438)

anyone here up on their physics? i think i'm doing this right...

acceleration = Gm/r^2

G = Gravitational constant = 6.67*10^-11
m = mass (Kg) = 2.26796185*10^30 Kg (or - 5*10^30 Lb)
r = radius to the center of the object (m) = 2011680 m (or - 2500miles / 2)

acceleration = (6.67*10^-11)(2.26796185*10^30 Kg) / (2011680 m ^2)

acceleration due to gravity = 37,380,386.1 m/s^2 !?!?!?!?

High quality animation.. (1)

h0tblack (575548) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278444)

Is it just me or does it look suspiciously like a scene from the TV series of The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy [] ?

Well well (3, Funny)

mog007 (677810) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278453)

I bet this is going to piss off DeBeers to no end, but...

I for one, welcome our new diamond overlords.

How does this affect me? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8278485)

How does this affect me? I use Gentoo.

Giant Diamond Asteroid on crash course with earth (3, Funny)

ArcticPuppy (592282) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278492)

..Women worldwide ambigous...

The doomsday is here! (1)

infonick (679715) | more than 10 years ago | (#8278494)

acceleration of earth towards the largest diamond in the galaxy!

acceleration = G(M)(m)/r^2

G = gravitational constant = 6.67*10^-11
M = mass of the diamond = 2.26796185*10^30 Kg
m = mass of earth = 5.9742*10^24 Kg
r = distance between the center of earth and the center of the diamond = 4.7302642*10^17 meters

acceleration = ((6.67*10^-11)(2.26796185*10^30) (5.9742*10^24)) / ((4.7302642*10^17)^2)

acceleration = 4.03896919*10^9 m/s^2

(4.03896919*10^9)/(9.8) = the g's that earth experiances as a result

Earth experiences 412,139,713 g's

is this a good or bad thing???
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