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IF Quake Takes Fragging To Whole New Level

simoniker posted about 10 years ago | from the typing-of-the-gib dept.

Quake 257

Thanks to ShackNews for pointing to the impressive technical feats showcased at the unofficial IF Quake page, which bills itself as "...a port of id Software's Quake 1 engine to the Inform programming language." The site includes riveting in-game screenshots, and the FAQ page has important info on bugs with this genuinely playable, downloadable Alpha release, noting: "IF Quake interfaces directly with the Quake engine, which was obviously not designed for [this advanced] output. The errors you see related to audio and OpenGL are due to the fact that the engine is being tricked into thinking it's running normally." Rumors that John Carmack will be switching Doom 3 to this impressive new engine are yet to be substantiated, however.

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257 comments

FP! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734267)

April Fool's!

Always yours,
AC.

April Fools is off topic???? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734302)

How is April Fool's off topic on the first reply to the first story on April 1st(Say that 5 times fast) Lighten up people it is April Fool's day afterall.

ATTENTION GNAA (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734469)

Please crapflood ticalc.org. Thanks.

April 1st (0, Redundant)

clu76 (620823) | about 10 years ago | (#8734278)

And it begins...

Re:April 1st (2, Insightful)

insecuritiez (606865) | about 10 years ago | (#8734294)

Yeah... While a few are funny here or there I see no need to have the entire day of news completely ruined...

Re:April 1st jokes (4, Funny)

falzer (224563) | about 10 years ago | (#8734376)

> I see no need to have the entire day of news completely ruined...

Neither do I. That's never happened on /. before.

Re:April 1st (1)

MrP- (45616) | about 10 years ago | (#8734404)

Yeah I agree, last year was horrible, every post was an april fools joke. The previous few years there was only a few jokes mixed in with real news. It was more fun that way

Re:April 1st (4, Insightful)

Moses Lawn (201138) | about 10 years ago | (#8734459)

Oh, get fucking over it. If you don't like the jokes, go and do something else for the day, like read a book, or watch TV, or play a game, or whatever. Is your life so shallow that you think "news" on Slashdot is the high point of the day?

Do *anything* else, just don't come here and bitch about it.

Re:April 1st (0)

OpenBoot Troll (734892) | about 10 years ago | (#8734312)

As does the 9:1 ratio of "April Fools" vs. something actually funny post ratio. And the timezone quibbles. And the...

Slashdot should give up the April 1 shite.

Re:April 1st (1)

bersl2 (689221) | about 10 years ago | (#8734358)

It began a little before this. Check out Google. You can apply for a job on the Moon.

Re:April 1st (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734416)

Mod this man up informative, I was going to post the exact same thing but he beat me to it.

Re:April 1st (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734480)

Worst than "April Fools"... "Nerd April Fools".
That didn't make any sense.
It's so stupid, it couldn't pass as news anywhere, except on, slashdot......

Oh.. I must be stupid, now I get it.. that's the joke.

IF... (5, Funny)

dhalgren99 (708333) | about 10 years ago | (#8734280)

"IF Quake Takes Fragging To Whole New Level"

HuH? If it does, what? What then!? ;)

Jeez, now I'll never get offline (0)

Sour Protein Supreme (762207) | about 10 years ago | (#8734386)

I don't mind playing a good LAN party game with people I know, but back when I was pretty good at Quake II, and started to try out MMRPG's like the "Ultima Online" beta, I realized that I just didn't enjoy playing the online games for one simple reason:

Most of the people online acted like assholes.

Too often, I'd log into a Quake/Quake II server, and get some punk calling me a MotherF---er because his team was losing at Capture the Flag. I got tired of Ultima Online when, during the beta, some jackass got in the way of the door and wouldn't let me walk out.

Diablo? Town killed by someone who thought it was fun to use the cheats to kill people.

On the whole, I tend to like the gamers I know in person and through my writings. But in online games, it seems that there are hordes of people who never learned to act above the age of 12, and need a good kick in the ass - or just never be allowed to play with anyone else online again.

It's probably the #1 reason why Nintendo still hasn't moved into online gaming in a big way (so far, Sega's Phantasy Star Online is their only online experience) - they don't want Jimmy's parents complaining about how their child got ragged on as a "Pikachu-f---er" during Pokemon Online.

The author's right - the penalities for "bad" behavior in an online format might work with some who have a community in the game, but for those who just want to be a dickhead, it's hard to do much other than ban them, since they have little emotionally wrapped up in the game.

Eh - just my opinion, and I could be wrong.

first post (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734284)

april fools is too good

dammit (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734285)

i fell for it. i'm a fool.

BULLSHIT (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734289)

It's just an April Fools day gag...

Oooh, funny and mysterious (-1, Redundant)

l810c (551591) | about 10 years ago | (#8734290)

Must be April 1st

Re:Oooh, funny and mysterious (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734426)

clock says April 1

Must be April 1st

Re:Oooh, funny and mysterious (1)

cgranade (702534) | about 10 years ago | (#8734446)

Not in my time zone!
I'm in Alaska, you insensitive clod!

Re:Oooh, funny and mysterious (4, Interesting)

Yorrike (322502) | about 10 years ago | (#8734461)

And there's only 5 hours left of April 1st here in New Zealand. It's quite irritating, as you're never quite sure what timezone a website is using, so you effectively end up with 2 solid days of bullshit news stories.

Re:Oooh, funny and mysterious (-1, Flamebait)

OverlordQ (264228) | about 10 years ago | (#8734498)

WEll if you would of fucking paid attention to the signup form, it defaults to GMT -5 . . so maybe . . . just MAYBE that's where the server is located.

Re:Oooh, funny and mysterious (1)

robbyjo (315601) | about 10 years ago | (#8734488)

No, you must read the title: if quake takes fragging to whole new level. That's an "if" with a capital I and F. :)

I Love It (1)

powera (644300) | about 10 years ago | (#8734291)

The graphics and reflex skill of Zork with the complexity and storyline of your standard B-movie. This will surely be an enormous success. Wait a second, this would suck even if it weren't an April Fool's Joke. The only thing that is funny is how long the server lasted.

Veeeery Interesting (1)

poofyhairguy82 (635386) | about 10 years ago | (#8734295)

I'm glad to see that the opening of the quake source code has allowed for interesting new ideas. And I thought that pocket quake was as good as it gets.

Inform programming language? (1)

Turing Machine (144300) | about 10 years ago | (#8734297)

The page for the Inform language is already starting to load sluggishly for me.

Anyone want to give us a capsule summary of what this language offers? It sounds interesting.

Re:Inform programming language? (5, Informative)

darc (532156) | about 10 years ago | (#8734518)

The inform language is an object orienated programming language designed for easy implementation of text based adventure games. It uses a well defined object hierarchy structure, that allows you to define parent child relationships easily, as well as move stuff around. The syntax is similar to C, but not quite, and a bit quirky with commas in parts.

Most uses of inform are with the Library, a selection of functions and support thingies written to facilitate IF writing.

It's turing complete, if you were wondering.

Very nifty. Chief competetor is TADS.

FPS games are just not playable with text (-1, Redundant)

gotr00t (563828) | about 10 years ago | (#8734298)

Unless the text is ASCII art style, I contend that it is impractical, and quite possibly impossible to effectively play an FPS game using only text. The whole point of FPS games is not broad strategy, which can be performed using text, but rather, instinct.

Imagine the commands - shoot north south east west.... Just thinking of them makes me cringe.

Re:FPS games are just not playable with text (1)

l810c (551591) | about 10 years ago | (#8734328)

Unless the text is ASCII art style, I contend that it is impractical, and quite possibly impossible to effectively play an FPS game using only text.

Are you kidding me? Did you not see the web site? The Screenshots?? This one is definately going to keep me satiated until Doom3 comes out.

Re:FPS games are just not playable with text (5, Funny)

starling (26204) | about 10 years ago | (#8734341)

I contend that it is impractical, and quite possibly impossible to effectively play an FPS game using only text.

BANG! You're dead.

Re:FPS games are just not playable with text (5, Funny)

Kyn (539206) | about 10 years ago | (#8734474)

Cheater!

*grumbles about wall-hacks*

Re:FPS games are just not playable with text (4, Interesting)

Scarblac (122480) | about 10 years ago | (#8734476)

Genocide MUD (link [genocide.org] ) was exactly that (well, it still is, but I haven't played it in 10 years). A multi player player killing game, insanely fast, using only text.

There'd be wars, like two teams, play until one team is dead, restart... or all vs all wars, etc. The game is a really nice MUD (text adventure style), with beautiful descriptions, monsters, treasure etc.

You run past the descriptions. The monsters explode on your entering the room, dropping their stuff, which you take immediately, to sell for weapons and healing, in the first half minute of the war.

The team play is quite complex, because of difference classes. I'm not sure if there are things like Mages in online FPS games yet? The mage could 'port' to other players, to help them defeat their opponent - or walk into a death trap. Mages were the most important position in the team, when I played.

Anyway, some of those nerds did 200+ commands per minute, without any sort of client (mostly w e n s of course, and you can make aliases). It was fast, it rocked, and it was exactly what you describe.

And so it begins... (1)

Valar (167606) | about 10 years ago | (#8734301)

to be on topic though, wouldn't intercal have been a better choice for comedic value?

Finally! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734303)

Now I'll be able to play Quake over my new web-based email account!

Developers (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734305)

Taken from the page:

"IF Quake was written by jason bergman, and is in no way connected with id Software, Activision, Belzebub, Satan, Lucifer Morningstar or John Romero. You will not sue. You will not sue. You will not sue."

:)

w0000000t! Let the games begin! (1)

teamhasnoi (554944) | about 10 years ago | (#8734311)

Here we go people! It's the big number one! Prepare for stories like "What is that Odor?" and "'Duke Nukem Forever' Officially Renamed to 'Duke Nukem ForgetIt'".

April first is the only day I actually get work done.

You are in a maze of twisty corridors, all alike.. (5, Funny)

Buran (150348) | about 10 years ago | (#8734313)

... You might be eaten by a Shambler.

This is lame (0, Redundant)

Cliffm (44720) | about 10 years ago | (#8734315)

not a very good start for April Fools.

Re:This is lame (1)

l810c (551591) | about 10 years ago | (#8734365)

not a very good start for April Fools.

I agree, a wee bit too contrived. The best 4/1 jokes slip right past you. I think over the years we have all learned to become hyper critical of stories posted on 4/1 thus making it harder and harder to slip one by.

Re:This is lame (2, Informative)

Ziffy (443563) | about 10 years ago | (#8734473)

not a very good start for April Fools.

I agree, a wee bit too contrived. The best 4/1 jokes slip right past you. I think over the years we have all learned to become hyper critical of stories posted on 4/1 thus making it harder and harder to slip one by.


It's funny you two should say that, for two reasons...

First, this isn't the first 4/1 joke. The poll and the Gmail story must have slipped by you.

Second, this isn't a joke. I downloaded it and I'm playing it right now.

Re:This is lame (-1)

OpenBoot Troll (734892) | about 10 years ago | (#8734505)

I think over the years we have all learned to become hyper critical of stories posted on 4/1 thus making it harder and harder to slip one by.

Hm, maybe you're right. Maybe it's the complete lack of subtlety or the fact that every story is a "joke" (as in not ha ha), or for some of us, April Fools long since finished, we're already expecting the most unfunny day ever on slashdot.

Good jokes are never predictable. Give it up Taco, just run the fucking news and be done with it.

And now... (0, Redundant)

jford235 (677581) | about 10 years ago | (#8734316)

..begins the one day of the year in which I do not read anything posted on the Internet. I will be under a rock. See you Friday.

Gotta love april fools day: heres more (1)

Urgo (28400) | about 10 years ago | (#8734318)

Lol I love april fools day. For a list of other sites pulling april fools jokes check out:

This List [urgo.org]

Heres the list so far:

www.urgo.org [urgo.org]
mrtwig.net [mrtwig.net]
southparkx.net [southparkx.net]
www.suprnova.org [suprnova.org]
www.cowsponge.com [cowsponge.com]
Google [google.com]
Slashdot [slashdot.org]

Another of today's Google April Fools pages (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734401)

http://www.google.com/jobs/lunar_job.html

Are the downloads real? (0, Redundant)

Kris_J (10111) | about 10 years ago | (#8734319)

Can anyone be bothered working out if the downloads actually result in a real text adventure, or is it completely fake?

Re:Are the downloads real? (3, Informative)

simoniker (40) | about 10 years ago | (#8734326)

The game is fully playable, and actually pretty good fun, too.

Re:Are the downloads real? (1)

Kris_J (10111) | about 10 years ago | (#8734355)

The game is fully playable, and actually pretty good fun, too.
At least there's some honour in that. Anyone got a mirror? And do I really have to download the big map files?

Re:Are the downloads real? (4, Informative)

lxs (131946) | about 10 years ago | (#8734515)

No, you just need the quake.z5 file in the ifquake folder and an infocom interpreter like frotz. Basically, it's a text adventure that pokes some gentle fun at quake 1.
>n

East Slipgate Room
As you walk up the plain wooden stairs, the metal bars retract into holes in the
ceiling, like some sort of medieval supermarket door. To call the area you walk
into next a room would be a deep insult to rooms everywhere (and lord knows
they're an easily offended lot). This closet has two very small bodies writhing
in agony on the walls and an archaic-looking metal slipgate in front of you to
the north. And that's it. Clearly the designers of this room expected you to be
wowed by the aquatic passageway they installed in lieu of a normal door to the
previous room.

>examine bodies
The bodies are crucified to the walls on your right and left. They seem to be
emaciated, but also rather small in comparison to your ample girth, suggesting
that these were perhaps some unfortunate Leprechauns who had one too many drinks
on St. Patrick's Day. Interestingly, they appear to be thrashing about in near
unison, making you wonder if they were in fact some sort of synchronized agony
team.

>
and so on.

Re:Are the downloads real? (2, Interesting)

PovRayMan (31900) | about 10 years ago | (#8734491)

Yeah, I'm suprised it's not some april fools joke.

Too bad I suck so bad at all these reading stuff, but for fun I tried to type "carmack" and "romero" and I got some feedback :-)

I wonder what other little easter eggs are in this game.

Just imagine playing quake via text interface. (2, Funny)

Cherveny (647444) | about 10 years ago | (#8734322)

You are in a room with many exits. You see a rocket launcher.

>Pick up Rocket Launcher
Rocket launcher picked up.

>Look.
You are in a room with many exits. You see player X leaving via exit number 1.

> Go to exit number 1.
You are in a room with many exits. You see player X.

> Fire Rocket Launcher at Player X.
Player X gibbed. :)

Re:Just imagine playing quake via text interface. (1)

Altima(BoB) (602987) | about 10 years ago | (#8734352)

>look

You are in a room with two exits, the south exit behind you, and the north exit in front of you, which looks dark. There are two corpses of Player 4 "QuAkEkIlLa" and Player 3 "your mom" on the floor.

>Move North

It is completely dark. You have been eaten by a Grue.

from the page (1)

Profe55or Booty (540761) | about 10 years ago | (#8734323)

IF Quake was written by jason bergman, and is in no way connected with id Software, Activision, the Justice League, The League of Gentlemen, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the Lodge Club's Bowling League or any of the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

cute

Nice April Fools Joke (0, Redundant)

Cecil (37810) | about 10 years ago | (#8734327)

... but you just know that someone's actually going to build this now.

DON'T BELIEVE IT (3, Funny)

radicalskeptic (644346) | about 10 years ago | (#8734339)

This is obviously an April Fools bit. I mean, it says right here [loonyboi.com] that "all screens were taken on Mac OS X running Zoom."

A ground-breaking new game ported to OS X? Yeah, like anyone's going to believe THAT! Better luck next year, simoniker!

(PS: I own a Mac so I'm allowed to make these jokes)

Re:DON'T BELIEVE IT (3, Funny)

Soko (17987) | about 10 years ago | (#8734412)

I'm no April Fool, bud. Pffft.

No one will believe a Mac user has a sense of humour.

Soko

Site farked (1)

Kris_J (10111) | about 10 years ago | (#8734342)

Half a dozen comments and it's dead. If you're going to pull an annoying April Fools prank, at least make sure that your site can cope with the traffic.

Farked? (4, Funny)

hprotagonist0 (312387) | about 10 years ago | (#8734403)

We don't do no farkin' around these here parts, buddy. What site d'you say you was from? A good ol' fashioned Slashdottin'll fry ten servers before breakfast and still have time to read the comics. I don't think any fancy-pants farkin' can do that, boy.

Re:Site farked (1)

Kris_J (10111) | about 10 years ago | (#8734408)

I withdraw that comment. It's a working text adventure. This is more how I'd like April Fools to be. /. story writeup is still annoying though.

Slashdotting (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734343)

The page is a joke -- but the Slashdotting is real.

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

wow! (1)

Twintop (579924) | about 10 years ago | (#8734348)

Now if only we could get the Duke Nukem Forever developers to get on the bandwagon it could be out by summer!

You are in a maze of twisty passages all al.. BOOM (0, Redundant)

Neo-Rio-101 (700494) | about 10 years ago | (#8734351)

Can someone tell me WHY you need an original copy of Quake to run this?

This kind of game reminds me of all the original telnet MUD games which just involved exploring areas and killing other people indiscriminantly.

Target terrors. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734511)

"This kind of game reminds me of all the original telnet MUD games which just involved exploring areas and killing other people indiscriminantly."

Sounds like the back streets of LA.

Mirror (already Slashdotted) (4, Funny)

teamhasnoi (554944) | about 10 years ago | (#8734357)

Owz0r: Shoot the red guy.
Shoot the red guy with what?
With the BFG.
Do what with the BFG?
Shoot the red guy with the BFG.
The red guy is no longer in the room with you. You see exits to the north and northeast. You hear a buzzing noise to the northeast.
NE
You ran into the red guy's Rocket. Your innards are splattered everywhere.

Hit space to respawn.

Re:Mirror (already Slashdotted) (1)

citizenc (60589) | about 10 years ago | (#8734413)

Wait... why does that have to be an April Fools Day joke?

Anybody know how hard it would be to develop a text-based FPS-like game? Or know how one would go about doing so?

I think it would be pretty cool, at least from a huge geek's perspective. :)

lol (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734510)

ha ha that was actually pretty funny! I guess taking the touchtype keyboarding skills class in high school was well worth it!

Networking (2, Funny)

athakur999 (44340) | about 10 years ago | (#8734359)

Will this new version support RFC 3514? The original one didn't and that's been a major barrier to adoption in the corporate world.

Happy April Fool's Day! (1)

blackmonday (607916) | about 10 years ago | (#8734360)

Happy April Fool's Day, it started already and its only 10:45 PM pacific time. Gotcha East Coast!

Hang the Developers!!! (-1, Troll)

l0ungeb0y (442022) | about 10 years ago | (#8734366)

Join in the chant: "Kill! Kill! Kill!"

My fucking god what utter binary-filth!
The only lower creature to spawn-camp on the face of this earth would have to be the single solitary idiot (yes we all know who you are) who downloaded and try to play this foul creation of meth-induced psychosis spun by a certain recent CS degree recipiant who has yet to get a job outside the burger flipping industry.

And to you who flips the burgers and mangles code in ones freetime: My god man, are you mad?

So I spawn, and then have to read three freakin paragraphs and then type in a hefty command to just try to kill something?

Look people, if you are a developer without any new ideas that others have expressed investment in, don't try to "innovate" from some elses innovation.... Shit, write a netcraft level for christ sakes or better yet, try to do the matrix jump simulation from the tallest structure you can access. But don't take a shit on a luverly FPS for cryin out loud.

Re:Hang the Developers!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734495)

Gosh.

It's April 1st, Fool. :)

Can someone email me the source? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734371)

The server got /.ed right after I saw the pics, but I think I know what the problem with their OpenGL glitches are, if I could see the source I think I could fix it. If anyone managed to get the source for this, send it my way. My email is:
thestrack@gmail.com
Don't worry about the attachment size, this new mail service has huge free-space.

Sorta offtopic (1)

MrP- (45616) | about 10 years ago | (#8734383)

This is sorta offtopic but since this is an april fools joke article... anyone see http://www.thinkgeek.com [thinkgeek.com] ? Good as usual, and it seems that shirt is real and only for april fools, I want it.

I'd post what it says but I dont want to spoil it, you can decode the message at this site [nickciske.com]

works (5, Informative)

Profe55or Booty (540761) | about 10 years ago | (#8734396)

if anyone's waiting for someone to confirm, there is an actual game on that site. obviously not as advertised, but there's a game. haven't found anything too interesting yet, but i'll be damned if i don't beat this thing.

See you in 24 hours. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734399)

The level of stupidity that surface on April Fool's day is absolutely retarded.

Online news / media outlets are the worst. Last year was absolutely unbearable.

I'm not visiting Slashdot - or any news sites - for the next 24 hours until every 2-bit attention-seeking journalist backs off their retard juice.

Re:See you in 24 hours. (2, Interesting)

Nutt (106868) | about 10 years ago | (#8734468)

Some of them (ok the media ones usually aren't that good) are pretty good. Google's [google.com] made me laugh a bit (click the link below the search field, "want a job..") and Thinkgeeks [thinkgeek.com] nifty products always make me laugh too.

You can't get ye flask... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#8734435)

Obvious exits are north, south, and dennis.

Bamboozled (2, Funny)

porp (24384) | about 10 years ago | (#8734445)

Okay, I had just finished telling my friends that, "Hooray, It's April 1st. Believe nothing. If your mom dies, it's just a prank." And then I see this story on Slashdot, and for at least 30 secs, I believe it is real. I was thinking to myself, QUAKE in Inform? The sites were Slashdotted, and then it hit me--YOU COULDN'T DO THAT WITH INFORM!. So thanks, Slashdot, I've been bamboozled already.

porp

btw, I know Inform and you could, in theory, make some serious programs, but I'm curious, what are the limits of such low level languages?

In other news... (5, Funny)

wllf (627835) | about 10 years ago | (#8734479)

John Carmack announced today the Doom 3 engine will be ported to Visual Basic. Really performance critical parts will be done in Java (Microsoft JVM and IE 5.0 or higher required). According to Carmack the performance of the new engine wil 'stun everyone'.

Rumors have already been heard that the Duke Nukem Forever team is eagerly waiting for this engine to become available.

I am Beta tester for Multiplayer Mode (5, Funny)

a!b!c! (137622) | about 10 years ago | (#8734519)

Multiplayer is still just a puppy, but its coming together nicely. There still is a problem with excessive spawn camping, and its in debate right now whether or not the software should prevent it.

One guy started using voice recognition to play, which was quite a riot to listen to. As we grew more comfortable with the game we came across some other oddities: if you are a good typer and become familiar with the commands, it plays pretty much like the original quake. We even hooked it up so we had a team of IF players versus a team of graphical players, and the IF players won!

We've also receieved a lot of encouragement from a few visually impair folks. They complained about the lack of computer gains accessible to them.

Keep your eyes open for Multiplayer mode, it shoul d be a big hit. Depending on the ultimate success of the project, there are talks about working on Counterstrike next.
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