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EFF To Fight Dubious Patents

timothy posted more than 10 years ago | from the applause-applause dept.

Patents 140

theodp writes "The Electronic Frontier Foundation launched a campaign on Monday to overturn patents that it says are having a chilling effect on public and consumer interests. The ten patents initially cited as problematic by the EFF Patent Busting Project are: one-click online shopping, online shopping carts, hyperlinking, video streaming, internationalizing domain names, pop-up windows, targeted banner ads, paying with a credit card online, framed browsing, and affiliate linking. Maybe this will prompt former EFF Board Member Tim O'Reilly to share that killer piece of 1-click prior art that's sitting on his bookshelf!"

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Here's my chance! (3, Funny)

Negatyfus (602326) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914850)

I hereby patent first posts!

Re:Here's my chance! (3, Funny)

caino59 (313096) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914867)

too late...

that anonymous coward guy has A LOT of prior art...

Re:Here's my chance! (1)

Negatyfus (602326) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915010)

Who cares? I'll sue the hell out of him! If only I knew how to contact him...

Re:Here's my chance! (4, Funny)

eclectro (227083) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914916)

Congratulations on your first post.

You are hereby granted patent no. 7,152,654; "Expression for totally useless posting at the top of a comment thread."

While some of your slashdot friends may complain that there was prior art for this, you do not have to worry. It's our word against theirs.

We don't bother to research this stuff out anyway, and quite frankly we don't care.


The US patent office.

I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned.. (5, Informative)

the_rajah (749499) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914977) Public Patent Foundation and their work against the same sort of thing.

But ... (1)

pahles (701275) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915011)

on the EFF site there is a link to the Public Patent Foundation!

Re:Here's my chance! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915784)

I imagine you must have a broadband connection.
I imagine you spend a lot of time at /. refreshing the page every 10 seconds.
I imagine you've not got a life to speak of.

sp (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914851)


Scary (4, Insightful)

pjt33 (739471) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914854)

The scariest thing about that list of patents is that I'd only heard of the one-click one.

Re:Scary (2, Interesting)

ComaVN (325750) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914876)

What's interesting is that a lot of these patents reek of intrusive advertising. So, who cares if Gator gets smacked around because they use one-click -pop-up-banners?

Re:Scary (4, Interesting)

salvorHardin (737162) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914904)

I was thinking 'yay, go ahead and patent pop-up ads, I hate them and want them all to die a horrible death, the less people that can use them, the better'.
And then I re-read it and noticed it said 'pop-up windows'. Which doesn't limit itself to adverts.

Re:Scary (2, Interesting)

ComaVN (325750) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914922)

"Are you sure you want to move these files?"
> Yes to All
"Are you sure you want to move these folders?"
> Yes to All
"Are you sure you want to move these system files?"
> Yes to All
"Are you sure you want to move these hidden files?"
> Yes to All
"Are you sure you want to move these read-only files?"
> Yes to All

Yeah, I can do with less pop-up windows.

Re:Scary (1)

twbecker (315312) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914970)

Who the hell is trying to patent pop-up windows anyway? Because if it's not MS, Apple or maybe Xerox, there's no way it could be valid, right?

Re:Scary (4, Interesting)

Sc00ter (99550) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914998)

Depends on how the popup is created. Look at patents on stuff made outside of the computer world. There's patents on popcorn boxes and paper bags. The patent isn't always on what is created but also in the process of creating the end product.

Re:Scary (5, Interesting)

Liselle (684663) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914905)

Same here. Who knows what else is out there that the EFF hasn't found yet? It's an unsettling thought. But in digging around looking for info on these patents I haven't heard of, I found a nice little quote from Tim O'Reilly that he made back when the one-click idiocy was going on a few years ago:
I also want to say that a patent on something like "1-Click ordering" is a slap in the face of Tim Berners-Lee and all of the other pioneers who created the opportunity that Amazon has done such a good job of exploiting. Amazon wouldn't have existed without the generosity of people like Tim, who made legitimate, far-reaching inventions, and put them out into the public domain for all to build upon. Anyone who puts a small gloss on this fundamental technology, calls it proprietary, and then tries to keep others from building further on it, is a thief. The gift was given to all of us, and anyone who tries to make it their own is stealing our patrimony.
If that's not the damned honest truth, then I don't know what is.

Re:Scary (1)

troon (724114) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915003)

Anyone who puts a small gloss on this fundamental technology, calls it proprietary, and then tries to keep others from building further on it, is a thief.

Isn't this the bit where all you illegal music-sharers are meant to jump out of the woodwork and complain that it's not theft, but copyright violation or whatever?

Re:Scary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915053)

He's exaggerating for effect. And that would be "copyright infringement", which has nothing to do with patents.

Re:Scary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915247)

With a patent, you take the IP away from everybody else to use. Therefore patening something, is stealing.

Re:Scary (1)

turnstyle (588788) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915108)

Regarding Tim O'Reilly, I didn't know that he is an EFF Board Member, but I do know that he has commented favorably [] about P2P:

"I have watched my 19 year-old daughter and her friends sample countless bands on Napster and Kazaa and, enthusiastic for their music, go out to purchase CDs. "

And yet, O'Reilly doesn't release his books as single, convenient downloads (they're not even sold that way).

If he's so comfortable with the notion that his daughter buys more CDs on account of P2P, then why doens't the same hold true for his ebooks?

It's all just about personal agendas.

Re:Scary (4, Informative)

redhog (15207) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915172)

You might be partly right, but at least, you are not correct about all of his books:

Re:Scary (1)

turnstyle (588788) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915771)

"You might be partly right, but at least, you are not correct about all of his books:"

Sure, some small number of books might be available, but the vast majority are not. He wants you to subscribe to his service. And of the books he sells on CDs, he bundles multiple books onto one expensive CD.

Does that really not sound familiar to you?

1) he want to make some stuff available, but reserve the rest for sale

2) he want to sell access to a service

3) he bundles multiple 'tracks' onto one disc, and doesn't let you buy the 'tracks' that you want.

What's good for the wood-cut goose apparently is not good for the wood-cut gander.

Re:Scary (2, Insightful)

Daniel Dvorkin (106857) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915810)

I'd argue that releasing a book for free download is not the same thing as releasing a song for free download; releasing a chapter for free, which O'Reilly very often does, is more closely equivalent. Chapter ~= song; book ~= CD.

Re:Scary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8916473)

Note that, unlike the music business, authors often retain copyright and some control over distribution. A publisher who wanted to give their works away would have to square that with the authors, which is difficult in a competitive business like publishing.

Even for techie books, there are publishers other than O'Reilly, so, until free book downloads become an industry standard, I think it's going to be difficult to persuade most authors to trust to the generosity of their audience...

(Just pointing out that many books aren't works for hire like music, and authors (unlike musicians) actually have to be involved in the process.)

Also, as another pointed out, a free song download is really equivalent to a chapter or other sizable excerpt, and these are often available from O'Reilly (and these days often available on Amazon).

Re:Scary (1)

turnstyle (588788) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916601)

"Also, as another pointed out, a free song download is really equivalent to a chapter or other sizable excerpt, and these are often available from O'Reilly (and these days often available on Amazon)."

Except that O'Reilly already sells CDs of multiple books on one CD -- in that case, each book is more like a track.

However, he generally does not sell single-book downloads, why not?

The fact is that he:

wants to bundle multiple 'tracks' (in his case books) onto one disc -- just like the record labels

and wants to sell a service -- just like the labels

and ultimately wants to avoid making his work easily file-shared -- just like the labels

Re:Scary (5, Interesting)

spellraiser (764337) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914928)

Indeed. Strange that these ludicrous patents are not discussed more. I'm especially 'fond' of this one (taken from here) [] :

Method and system for internationalizing domain names


A method and system for internationalizing domain names is provided which allows domain names to be entered in any language without having to modify the existing Internet domain name servers. When an [sic] user enters a domain name including non-English characters into an internet program, a domain name transformer intercepts the domain name prior to reaching the resolver. The domain name is converted to a standard format which can represent all language character sets, such as UNICODE. The UNICODE string is then transformed to be in RFC1035 compliant format. Redirector information is then appended to the compliant string which identifies the delegation of authoritative root servers and/or domain name servers responsible for the domain name. The compliant domain string is then resolved by the authoritative domain name server just as any English domain name.

If I understand this correctly (but hey - who can be sure), this is basically a patent for, um, a method for converting strings between different formats and then doing a DNS lookup or some such thing. Excuse me, but isn't that usually called a 'standard', not a 'patent' ?? This boggles the mind.

Oh, and by the way, the spelling and grammar generally sucks in these patent desciptions. Check it out for yourselves if you don't believe me ...

Re:Scary (1)

nkh (750837) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915553)

It seems the Wikipedia [] has been doing this for a long time: you click on an article link and all the spaces and weird letters are turned into RFC compliant strings by the web browser...

Re:Scary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8916282)

It's amazing how little /.ers know about the US patent system. The invention is in the claims, not the abstract.

Re:Scary (1)

spellraiser (764337) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916385)

I read the claims too. They say basically the same thing, adding very little. Read it for yourself before flaming, please.

Re:Scary (2, Interesting)

raalynthslair (759150) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915309)

I wonder if they'll take up a fight against M$ for trying to patent "Virtual Desktops" - as they describe it, the ability to have more than one working desktop environment on a single machine. - Basically what we've been doing on Linux for years, what Windows still fails to be able to do properly (PowerToys plugins for XP lets you half-@55 it)... yet they are going to try to patent it as if they created it and mastered it and should have rights to who can and can't do it!? "ID-10-T" errors there, ne?

Re:Scary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915846)

Didn't mention Apples patent on the trash can icon either.

Too late? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914856)

Pretty much everything that can be invented has been either invented or patented already, so this may be too late. Nice effort, though.

Re:Too late? (1)

lintux (125434) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914891)

That's probably what many people thought when watching TV for the first time, but suddenly the computer got invented.

And well, our fore-fore-fore-fathers probably thought the stone they used to make fire was fantastic, and that nobody could ever come up with a better invention, until the lighter was invented a "couple" of years later...

Not that I got any idea about what to invent next, but I'm sure that something will happen soon. ;-)

Re:Too late? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914919)

Not that I got any idea about what to invent next, but I'm sure that something will happen soon. ;-)
[Insert stock /. joke about pr0n industry]

Re:Too late? (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914971)

Pretty much everything that can be invented has been either invented or patented already

I was going to post that the commissioner of the USA Patent Office said that too. In 1899.

However, a quick Googling later, I have found that this quote is a myth [] .

Re:Too late? (3, Interesting)

nacturation (646836) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914978)

Pretty much everything that can be invented has been either invented or patented already, so this may be too late. Nice effort, though.

That reminds me:
  • There is a prediction that was supposedly made by Commissioner of the U.S. Patent Office Charles H. Duell. The words attributed to him were: "Everything that can be invented has been invented." The date given was 1899.
Now, in 2004 we have the ghost of Duell appearing as an anonymous coward to make the same prediction.

No-one ever said "Everything has been invented" (1)

Paul Crowley (837) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915303)

No Commissioner of the patent office anyway.

A Patently False Patent Myth []

d'ja ever notice (-1, Offtopic)

ch-chuck (9622) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914858)

the only difference between 'patents' and 'parents' is just once sequential letter?

Aw, Mommm!!

Patents (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914860)

I think they are evil and should be abolished. Information wants to be free!

Re:Patents (3, Informative)

ckathens (631781) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916424)

I know this is merely flamebait, but its so idiotic that i had to respond. As a law student interested in IP, I normally do not have the best impression of patents -- but mainly because of their recent use in software and method patenting. But there ARE good patents. Perhaps the best examples are pharmaceuticals. The drug companies put millions of dollars into R&D EVERY DAY to develop drugs that really help people. Without the protection of a patent system which guarantees they can profit from it either by direct sales or by licensing, NO drug company is going to make these products.

On the other hand many types of patents and individual patent applications are clearly not even worth the paper they are printed on and the USPTO has some major issues. But don't blast the entire system for the faults of only a niche part of the overall system.

Re:Patents (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8917416)

Compare that cost to how much is spent o advertising and campaigning.

I can see a huuuge saving possibility there!

It's funny when the patent website... (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914879)

Uses a 'shopping cart' too. I wonder if they've been sued.

Re:It's funny when the patent website... (-1, Offtopic)

W2k (540424) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915160)

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

A/C : Slashdot To Post Dubious Stories (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914883)

I read that as... (0, Offtopic)

clifgriffin (676199) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914892)

EFF to Fight Dubious Parents...

And I was all totally like "What the crap?!"

Re:I read that as... (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914969)

Yeah, and I was all totally like "You're not funny, dude."

Your mom is calling you upstairs for dinner. Run, bitch, RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!

one is missing (4, Informative)

nickname_unique (701073) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914893)

i'm missing the patent on a "progress bar" which is pending in europe.

Shorter patents (4, Insightful)

tindur (658483) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914900)

In information technology the time you can have a patent should be extremly short.

MOD PARENT UP! (2, Interesting)

jimicus (737525) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915178)

YES. Agreed. If patents on IT are allowed, they should be 3-5 years at the very longest.

They should also have a "use it or lose it" clause - if patents aren't defended against infringement they become invalid. This already happens with trademarks, and would effectively prevent companies building up patents then sitting on them until infringing technology becomes so prevalent that it cannot be easily replaced.

Re:MOD PARENT UP! (4, Insightful)

darnok (650458) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915307)

Agreed - but I'd make IT patents 2-3 years only. The rate of change and innovation in IT is such that locking up obvious or near-obvious patents for extended periods is a big drain on society.

When was the last time a *software* patent was granted for something that is truly innovative? More than just about any industry, we take what already exists, extend it, then extend it again - each step has relatively little change, but cumulatively the rate of enhancement is huge. On that basis alone, I'd say software patents are a stupid idea - very little software development is truly innovative, and patenting it simply breaks the cycle of constant improvement.


SpaceLifeForm (228190) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915646)

No more than 3 years. A patent should not live any longer than the asset write-off time allowed from a tax perspective.


Pembers (250842) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915845)

I'd make IT patents 2-3 years only.

Seconded - but define "IT" in such a way that the weasels can't just get around it by claiming that Dogbert's Zero-Click Shopping is really a business method (or anything other than a software invention, really).

Re:MOD PARENT UP! (1, Interesting)

RedDork (147298) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916478)

We have one, it's called prosecution laches. It applies when an inventor delays getting his patent granted to allow for the industry that it is in to make more money, so that when he pops up with it, the licenses for this "new technology" will be worth more. Unfortunately, 1) patents take 2 years on average to be granted anyway, which is enough time in software for the industry to mature and 2) it is only applied in extreme cases - it was created to deal with an inventor whose patents were granting 40-50 years after invention.

IANAL yet, but I am taking my exam for Patent Law and Policy in a few hours.

More patents. (3, Funny)

JosKarith (757063) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914911)

I wonder if I can patent speculative patenting...

...tho I have a feeling there may be a piece or two of prior art on that one

Hmm (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914913)

Why would anyone want to get rid of the "Pop-up windows" and "Targeted banner ads" patents?

Pop-up windows suck, and so do banner ads.

Re:Hmm (2, Interesting)

goldfishbrains (703767) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915014)

Why would anyone want to get rid of the "Pop-up windows" and "Targeted banner ads" patents?
I think it refers to more than just web popups, eg. dialog boxes in programs

Re:Hmm (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8916260)

Oh. That's gay.

Re:Hmm (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915692)

That's not the point.

We should agree with patents that protect actual patentable inventions, and disagree with patents that protect non-inventions. Not agree with patents that protect stuff we hate and disagree with patents that protect stuff we'd like to have.

FFII (4, Insightful)

Elektroschock (659467) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914920)

Good, very good!

FFII did similar action against a Amazon patent earlier this year in Europe. Unfortunately I believe that the patent system must be fixed on a policy basis. Let's fix the patent system rather than playing theior games. I think it should not be our job to help to hunt down patents that shouldn't be granted and pay the fees of the patent industry. Software patents shall rather be stopped before they are issued by proper laws.

Re:FFII (4, Interesting)

peragrin (659227) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914995)

I have said it before. There is nothing wrong with the patent policies. The officers granting the patent simply don't follow the rules. it goes something like this

1) rich company applies for patent
2) officer reads patent, thinks if he has ever seen it before.
3) if he has he might look it up
4) rubber stamp Patent granted move to next one.

the new system should be.

1) rich company applies for patent
2) if it is based on software should be denied and told to copyrigh the software.
3) if it is based on physical system then it most be carefuly looked over.

My way a huge section of patents get thrown out, work in the patent office declines.

How about a Patent Busting Bounty (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915262)

You bring an action and invalidate a patent. The patent holder has to pay you and amount equal to:

the expenses incurred filing the patent + all income generated in house from the patent + all revenue derived from third parties as a result of the patent (or savings from same.)

Plus, if they are a big patent holder, you get to pick any one of their valid patents, in any field, to keep until it runs out.

A Nony Mouse

Belew (1, Informative)

neurosis101 (692250) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914923)

Belew is a professor of CS/Cog Sci at the University of California, San Diego. He has a lot of research and expertise in interface and its design. You can look up his faculty profile at UCSD's CS dept page [] [].

Just a little background so you know who's talking to who and why he knows what's going on =)

I'd patent uninformed discussion (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914924)

on patents but there's already too much prior art. Yeah, I know this is a troll and too much prior art on that too. But did it ever occur to you that Slashdot's 400 posts in the first 2 minutes pretty much precludes any thoughtful replies that take more than 2 minutes to think out and compose. How about a 2 hour delay before posting is allowed?

Re:I'd patent uninformed discussion (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914950)

Hmmm - 2 hours seems a bit much, but yeah, something like 15 - 30 mins would be reasonable.

Excellent idea!

Perhaps we need to force Tim to release this? (3, Interesting)

byolinux (535260) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914929)

I mean, we (as geeks) must be a large % of sales.

If we all stopped buying O'Reilly books until he did the decent thing and knocks the '1-Click' patent off the face of the earth, it might help speed things along.

Would this work? Anyone?

Re:Perhaps we need to force Tim to release this? (3, Insightful)

grazzy (56382) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914958)

why not stop buying books from amazon instead...

Re:Perhaps we need to force Tim to release this? (2, Insightful)

byolinux (535260) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914987)

I don't buy books from Amazon.

The 1-Click patent doesn't just affect Amazon, it also affects people who've paid Amazon to use it (Apple, for example) but also hinders other online stores who might want to add it to their store.

Re:Perhaps we need to force Tim to release this? (1)

grazzy (56382) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915134)

correction: it hinders people in the us, also, why force tim? he only has the "evidence" that someone _else_ have done prior art..

ffs.. get a grip.

Its a good start..... (4, Insightful)

AlistairGroves (546420) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914944)

But what is needed is a way of preventing them from occurring in the first place...

Re:Its a good start..... (2, Insightful)

_|()|\| (159991) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915407)

The EFF page links to FTC [] and NAS [] recommendations, which are much too mild. The overriding problem is patent law--everything else is quibbling over details. The fight against software patents in Europe may be the most important battle, right now. This is one area in which the rest of the world should not "harmonize" with the U.S.

As for the details, the most important reform is a change in the incentive structure. It seems like it's easier to get a patent than a municipal parking permit, because the office subsists on application fees. If there were a reapplication fee for every rejected application, the office would change overnight from a Walmart greeter to a Viper Club bouncer.

James Gleick's "Patently Absurd" [] is a decent post-one-click overview of the topic.

Re:Its a good start..... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915873)

What we need is for folks to GPL the patents.
Patent everything.
No profit!

OK, fine, but... (4, Insightful)

RupertJ (520598) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914946)

While it is relatively easy to understand the need for patents to encourage commercial development and investment, it is rude and obnoxious for companies to attempt to patent some of the most basic of computing principles.

I'm all for coroporate cash funding new hardware and software, but think where we might be today had IBM really clamped down on their PC systems.

No Slashdot for starters.... =)

GNAA EARLY POST (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8914956)

GNAA claims responsibility for Momfuck virus.
By Horatio Brunswick

New York, NY - GNAA (Gay Nigger Association of America) The GNAA today claimed responsibility for the release of the devastating trojan Momfuck.1o1, which has caused an estimated 486 billion dollars US in lost productivity and unread penis enlargement offers.

In a drastic escalation of their widely criticized christmas island bombing campaign which has killed thousands of defenceless CI natives, the GNAA made vague threats last week in a "first post" on, a popular "news for trolls" website. In the post (not published here due to profanity and ascii nudity) the GNAA threatened the "Destruction of all internet" if net martyr was not immediately reinstated. Initally dismissed by self proclaimed security experts Cowboykneel and Linux Toreballs as a childish lark, the world was totally unprepared for the storm to come. exploits three vulnerabilities within Linux's UPnP implementation: a remotely exploitable buffer overflow that allows an attacker gain SYSTEM level access to any default installation of Linux, a Denial of Service (DoS) attack, and a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attack. Within hours of release, every backbone in the country had become infected with the virus, bringing the internet to a crashing halt. The DHS announced an orange alert when the virus spread to even such such remote non-countries as Canada and England, becomming a worldwide computer epidemic. The sequence of events that followed was devastating. ATMs in several states began routing funds from caucasian bank accounts into a GNAA controlled cayman islands account. Traffic lights in all major metropolitan areas malfunctioned, displaying pink rather than the standard red yellow and green configuration, causing unprecedented accidents and traffic delays. Radio stations ceased transmitting their standard programming and began a round the clock broadcast of a bootleg of the Village People's "YMCA" which was altered to "GNAA." Perhaps most horrifyingly, The FOX network's LOL sunday programming lineup was interrupted, and replaced by a graphic video of two men having anal sex, backed by the lyrics "Boom I got your boyfriend".

The FBI has fallen under heavy criticism for their failure to respond to the threat of the GNAA. The general public seems uwilling to accept their claims that the post was below their current threshold. The FBI's top cyber-security unit warned consumers and corporations Friday night to take new steps beyond those recommended by SCO Corp. to protect against hackers who might try to attack major flaws discovered in the newest version of Linux software, or to get a life, faggots. FBI Department head John Asscrotch is expected to resign in disgrace shortly.

What follows is a transcript of an actual internet relay chat conversation, with two individuals who seem to have been infected by It is my hope that this will help computer users to recognize and avoid the virus if encountered.

* Now talking in #eurotekken
* Topic is ' hp?s=&postid=1527925#post1527925 : everyone give your 0.00c'
* Set by SirCane on Tue Apr 06 15:57:26
<l0de> "Mom, I can't sleep would you mind if I get in bed with you?
<l0de> I have virus!
<l0de> She was wearing a baby doll semi-see through nightie, and was embarrassed to let me in bed with her.
<subt-L> haha.. this is a fucking crazy virus..
<l0de> I can't type this fast!
<l0de> However she remembered how I had let her sleep with me when she needed to.
<l0de> Oh my god.
<l0de> "Sure John, it's a big bed," she said in an uncertain tone.
<l0de> "Mom, would you mind if I snuggle a little with you.
<l0de> I just feel kind of sad tonight, I need you close to me."
<l0de> I said; without waiting for an answer I pulled her tight against me.
<l0de> I kept grinding my crotch into her ass trying to get comfortable.
<Exygone> LOL, random flag in between
<l0de> My hands crept up to her breasts and began playing with them, lazily at first.
<Exygone> too good
<l0de> "John... JOHN what are you doing?
<l0de> This is giving me such a headache! I have to go to school in 3 hours and my term paper is not saved!
<subt-L> this is fucking insane..
<l0de> Stop that and go to sleep."
<subt-L> haha
<l0de> But I could not stop.
<neoKEN> jewish hacker. ho ho ho
<l0de> I pulled her nightie up and wet my finger.
<l0de> I then stuck it into her slightly moist pussy.
<l0de> "John listen to me, stop right now.
<l0de> This has to stop.
<neoKEN> go into command prompt
<l0de> You are my son, and we can't do this.
<Exygone> there it is again
<l0de> Please John don't do this to me."
<Exygone> hahaha
<neoKEN> type NETSTAT -o
<subt-L> don't click on irc links..
<l0de> I did stop then and sat up next to her.
<l0de> I pulled her into my lap and cupped her breasts in my hands while licking her ear.
<l0de> "Susan honey, we need to talk, we need to finish this.
<l0de> I told you a long time ago that I love you, that I need you.
<subt-L> good lesson to learn.
<l0de> I want to possess you utterly.
<l0de> I want you to give me your body, to make love to me.
<l0de> I have a tape mom.
<neoKEN> it will show u all the connection on your computer
<l0de> A tape of you raping me.
<l0de> I could blackmail you, send you to jail.
<l0de> neoken- I will never click another link again
<l0de> But that does not get me what I want.
<l0de> I don't just want you on Christmas, I don't want stolen kisses, or the occasional snuggle.
<neoKEN> save that in notepad.
<l0de> I want you to want me.
<l0de> To be hot and wild and passionate, and completely in love with me.
<l0de> I want to have the right to grab you and fuck you anytime I want, just like dad did.
<neoKEN> u will find your hacker :P
<l0de> I want to wake up to find you sucking on my cock just because you feel like it.
<l0de> Mom can you honestly say you don't want that too?
<l0de> Oh my god. NEoken, I hit start menu but it's not popping up!
<l0de> Can you honestly say that you can bear to have me walk out of your life forever?
<l0de> Because that is what I would have to do.
<c0m> so umm why doesnt someone kick dis do0d
<l0de> You are the woman I love, the only woman I have ever made love to.
<l0de> If I can't have you, I will have to go.
<l0de> All buttons on quicklaunch don't work
<l0de> If I am near you, I have to fuck you.
<l0de> It is as simple as that," I said as I wrote my name on her breasts with my finger.
<l0de> She was crying now, and I could smell her juices beginning to boil and drip out her pussy.
<insanelee> whoever bans this guy
<insanelee> i'm gonna ban you
<neoKEN> c0m: some people enjoy reading it. lol
<l0de> She laid back against my chest and I wrapped her in my arms.
<Exygone> c0m - because insanelee is reading the story
<subt-L> he
<l0de> "I don't want to lose you, I, I know that you are more than just a son to me.
<l0de> I am so scared though.
<l0de> Wanting you this way is wrong.
<l0de> I am your mother.
<l0de> I should not let you play with my tits, I should not want you to lick my pussy, or need you to fuck my ass but for some sick reason I do.
<l0de> I know I can't allow you to fuck me, I can't let you put that big slab of cock-meat inside me.
<l0de> If I do that, there is no turning back, you will own me.
<l0de> thank u insanelee
<insanelee> i like the panic in lodes voice/msgs also
<l0de> I will become addicted to your dick.
<l0de> Oh god, what am I going to do.
<subt-L> this is sick... i think i want people to get this virus.
<Exygone> looool
<l0de> I love you John, but it is still wrong!"
<l0de> We laid that way for a long time, just holding on to each other.
<neoKEN> doesn't matter to me. i don't read #eurotekken chatlog. am not a tekken bum. lol
<l0de> My hard on was peeking up between her thighs.
<l0de> Finally I came up with a solution.
<l0de> "Mom I understand that our relationship is not normal, but it is not WRONG either.
<l0de> Making love to you could never be wrong.
<l0de> I love you and I want to show you how much.
<l0de> Susan, it's Christmas.
<l0de> Let me have you this one time.
<l0de> Make love to me, be greedy, teach me how to please you.
<insanelee> why are you thankikng me
<l0de> Make me fuck you right.
<l0de> We owe it to ourselves to try it at least once.
<l0de> You are All I want for Christmas, all I have ever wanted."
<insanelee> you are just an investment
<Exygone> lol
<insanelee> i need your stories
<l0de> Susan was quiet for a few seconds and then she slowly nodded her head.
<Exygone> an asset
<l0de> Her hands were trembling as she smiled up at me and said yes.
<l0de> I was so happy, that I crushed her against me and said over and over, "I love you baby, I am going to be so good to you, I love you mom," while kissing and hugging her.
<Exygone> in lee's masterplan
<l0de> insane- if I get banned I may never get help
<l0de> Our kisses slowly began to deepen, she was on top of me straddling my waist.
<insanelee> lol
<l0de> Her breasts were brushing against my chest and my cock was laying against her ass.
<subt-L> is it repeating? or is it still going original?
<l0de> I was licking her lips, sucking on them when her pretty, pink little tongue flicked out to meet mine.
<l0de> I sucked her into my mouth and we both let out a little sigh of happiness.
<l0de> jesus, how can I launch command prompt?
<l0de> Susan began crawling down my stomach, stopping briefly to lick my belly button clean.
<l0de> Then she began playing with my cock, rubbing it against her face, eyes, nose, sniffing and then licking and sucking it into her mouth.
<l0de> It was amazing to watch.
<l0de> My mother was overcome by a wave of pure dick-lust as she began to swallow my cock.
<insanelee> ask neoKEN
<l0de> I don't know how big my dad's cock was, but he must have been my size or bigger, cuz my mom swallowed my fat 8 incher like an old pro.
<l0de> She kept looking me right in the eye, with this wicked little grin on her face, daring me to fuck her properly.
<insanelee> i am just readin
<l0de> I did.
<subt-L> dick-lust!
<l0de> I began to ram it down her throat, we established a good rhythm.
<subt-L> hahaha
<l0de> She breathed through her nose and every 20 seconds or so I would pull out and let her lick and massage my knob (and breathe), before plunging back in.
<Exygone> lmao
<l0de> "Cum on my face baby, cum all over your mother's face," she said between slurps, and squeezes and soft, slow, sucks.
<l0de> I could not help it, she was sucking the sperm right out of me.
<l0de> I grabbed Susan's head and pulled it tight against my crotch.
<neoKEN> i don't know any other shortcuts to the command prompt other than the start menu
<l0de> I held her in place as I powerfucked her throat.
<neoKEN> ask M$
<l0de> Precum was bubbling out of me and I could hear it gurgling in her mouth.
<l0de> My balls were twitching and jerking hard now and I felt the sperm swimming their way to the head of my cock.
<l0de> "You want my sperm mom, you want some stinky-sticky?
<l0de> Take it you beautiful little slut, take your son's cum!"
<l0de> I bellowed as I shot the first load down her throat.
<insanelee> this is sick
<l0de> I remembered that she wanted some on her face too; so I pulled out and pressed my spurting cock against her nostril and shot it up her nose.
<neoKEN> comamnd prompt should be an emergency shortcut
<l0de> I had one or two dribbles left so I placed my cock on each of her eyelids and let er rip.
<l0de> Mom was a little surprised...
<c0m> this is gay\
<l0de> but she did not complain.
<l0de> I don't know if I can explain how sexy my mom looked.
<insanelee> 'cum all over your mothers face'
<l0de> My cum was in her belly, a little drop was hanging from the corner of her mouth.
<l0de> Her nose was dripping my cum, and her eyes were crusting over with it.
<l0de> (Guys try it with your girlfriend tonight, it is fucking amazing!)
<l0de> I wanted to rest for a few minutes, but I could not.
<insanelee> com shut up he needs help
<l0de> neoken- yeah, Itried ctrl alt delete but it doesn't work!
<l0de> My mom was obviously very horny and it would not have been polite to leave her hanging.
<l0de> We switched positions and I settled in for a long, slow lick.
<l0de> I may not have a lot of experience in some aspects of sex.
<l0de> Technically I am still a virgin, I guess, since mom has never let me fuck her pussy.
* c0m sets mode: +m
<c0m> yep
<subt-L> oh,,
<subt-L> ouch...
<subt-L> ...
<insanelee> ay
<insanelee> AY
<c0m> ok
<neoKEN> then he cums on her face. THE END
<c0m> lol
<Exygone> Lol
<insanelee> he stopped
<subt-L> haha
<subt-L> story time is over.
<insanelee> what the hell is this
* l0de is now known as helpplz
<c0m> im sorry it was pretty annoying
* helpplz is now known as l0de
<subt-L> l0de didn't even get kicked.
<insanelee> yea
<insanelee> it just stopped
<insanelee> you didn't even kick him dummy
<neoKEN> sadly i haven't read anything this well written in a long time. lol
* c0m is not a dummy
* insanelee sets mode: -bb l0de!*l0de@
<neoKEN> heh, i need to read some books.
<Exygone> this guy is funny
<insanelee> bring him baaaaaaaaaaaaack
<insanelee> i want my stories
<neoKEN> exy: hahahhaha
<subt-L> that was pretty hilarious.
<insanelee> it was all a joke
<insanelee> damn it guys
<insanelee> why ruin a good thing
<c0m> its fucking annoying
* l0de is now known as cantchat
* cantchat is now known as halp
<insanelee> com
<Exygone> ;p;
<Exygone> lol
* halp is now known as l0de
<insanelee> then get the fuck out
<insanelee> pfft
<c0m> stfu bronson you get the fuck out
<c0m> you never come here
* insanelee sets mode: +b *!*c0m@
<c0m> anyway
<Exygone> lol
* c0m was kicked by insanelee (i'm elitist)
* Attempting to rejoin channel #eurotekken
* Rejoined channel #eurotekken
* Topic is ' hp?s=&postid=1527925#post1527925 : everyone give your 0.00c'
* Set by SirCane!SirCane@
<l0de> Yhbt yhl
<c0m> well i could care either way
<l0de> HAND
<l0de> (^o^)b

Horatio Brunswick, GNAA, signing off.

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Software patents: not all bad? (5, Funny)

Aim Here (765712) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914976)

"... pop-up windows, targeted banner ads, ... "

You mean the fuckheads who design websites full of this sort of garbage could be forced to cough up swingeing royalties for the privilege of polluting the internet? Almost makes me want to support software patents....

Maybe it would help ... (4, Insightful)

maxwell demon (590494) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914993)

... if the patent office would be liable for missing obvious prior art for granted patents.

1-click prior art? (3, Interesting)

nacturation (646836) | more than 10 years ago | (#8914999)

"Maybe this will prompt former EFF Board Member Tim O'Reilly to share that killer piece of 1-click prior art [] that's sitting on his bookshelf!"

After reading the page this links to, I'm really wondering if there is any such prior art. Maybe my tin foil hat is on a bit too tight, but perhaps it's really a killer piece of 1-click bluff he's holding onto? He could be waiting for Bezos to make the next move in the patent poker game.

WHY you should Donate to EFF now! (3, Insightful)

samjam (256347) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915001)

This is a worthy cause!

Donate now, because its CHEAPER than joining a defense fund later. []

I just joined! Thankyou EFF for taking up this cause!



Re:WHY you should Donate to EFF now! (1)

adamofgreyskull (640712) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915033)

Am going to donate when I get my next Student Loan check next Monday, today however I shall buy milk and noodles.

Hopefully when I graduate I'll have something worthy of protection by the EFF. Ha! :o)

Door to door donations? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915195)

A lot of people are poor geeks, or poor students, who would donate to such causes if they could but cannot afford it.

It is possible instead for these people to go door to door for donations then send them to the EFF instead?

How poor students can raise money for the EFF (1)

samjam (256347) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915493)

* Do what I did and instant-messenger spam all your friends and get them to donate
* Skip a nights partying and donate that
* Sell some stuff on ebay and donate that
* Sell your friends stuff on ebay and donate that
* Have a pizza party for your friends ($5 a person) but then use cheap pizza (har har!)
* Drink cheap bear (ugh) and therefore less of it and donate savings to EFF
* Instead of buying new clothes get a magic-marker and write on your old ones:
I could have bought new clothes but I'm paying the EFF ton right {Amazon|bad patents|etc}
* hold a live auction of junk! (How novel!) That could be fun. Don't forget to sell refreshments


Real World Counterparts (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915016)

One of the biggest problems I see with these patents is that they are not innovations, they just happen to be used on a computer. You shouldn't be able to simply take a random, common concept and slap a " computer." on it and get away with a new patent.

One-click online shopping: How about picking up the phone, calling the grocer, and having them deliver. If they already know you, you probably only need to give them your name. Not "one-click" but pretty damn close. Just slap the "online" part to it, and you have a new patent?

Online Shopping Carts: Oh for Christ's sake... shopping carts have been around forever. Again, they slapped the "online" part, and now it's a patent.

Hyperlinking: Hyperlinking may be a computer-specific item, but how about touch-tone phone systems, for example? "If you would like to make a claim, press 4..." You have a selection of items, and just press a button to get to it.

Video Streaming: TV. 'Nuff said.

Internationalizing Domain Names: Zip codes and country names, anyone?

Pop-up Windows: How about those annoying "Subscribe now! 80% off news stand prices!" cards in magazines? They seem to be the same thing.

Targetted Banner Ads: Targetted advertising of any sort. The crap you get in your physical mail box.

Paying with a Credit Card online: And you couldn't do this over the phone, prior to this patent?

Someone on /. also mentioned the "progress bar" patent attempt in Europe. I'm not familiar with this one, so it may be a bunch of hot-air, but I'm too lazy to check on it. So I offer you the same thing in the real world: Sand clocks, air compressor pressure guages, the pop-up thermometer stuck in the turkey, what not.

I think we could all come up with a bunch of ridiculous patents based on their real-world counterparts... such as "method to transfer electricity over computer networks". Ethernet (minus the fiber optic variety) does just this (however small the current) and the real world counterpart is the freakin' power grid. And so on so forth. What's scary is that half of them probably already to, or will soon, exist.

Re:Real World Counterparts (1)

Cred (754775) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915437)

You are so correct.

Re:Real World Counterparts (2, Insightful)

higuita (129722) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916407)

you could even win easy with this prior arts, but there is a MAJOR problem...

the lawyers and court cost it's HUGE and so only a number of companies could do it

that is why the software patents are wrong, they give power to those that have alot of money, the others might go broke before the end of the trial

Post your prior art proof now! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915017)

post it here!

Re:Post your prior art proof now! (1, Funny)

maxwell demon (590494) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915066)

Sorry, I've just patented the method of proving prior art by posting it to Slashdot.

Patentablillity (5, Interesting)

Tatarize (682683) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915048)

To be fair most of those things really shouldn't be patented on the obvious claim for patents. I was working on a shopping system for a php script I was writing. I didn't really think about it until it was about finished but the final code was pretty much a cart.

1) People need to buy things.
2) Buying one thing at a time is slow/silly.

Allow people to make a list of things to buy and buy them.

I can't think of another solution to that. And that solution is pretty much a shopping cart. If somebody was giving a question and came up with a truely original idea that no one else had thought of having had the same question given to them. That idea should be patentable. But, if there's only about one solution which isn't hard to find. The idea of even spending any time thinking about issuing a patent is a waste.

Good Guys with Software Patents (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915205)

Should not make them freely available to all (perhaps.)

Instead, what if they only made them freely available to those without software patents or those with software patents who do the same and who commit to doing the same in the future.

They would need to word things up so a company with software patents could not, for instance, start a subsidiary with no patents and let that one make use of them. (Is this clear?)

A Nony Mouse

EFF trying to do this I think (2, Insightful)

xyote (598794) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916864)

I believe they solicited donations of software patents to use as leverage. Good luck at the $20k cost of doing a patent application. The problem with this is nobody, except SCO, has been seriously going after open source for IP violation. As soon as you withhold licensing of a key technology patent to somebody big like Microsoft, they are going to take their patent porfolio and come down on you hard. How may open source projects do you know can afford several hundreds of thousands of dollars to defend themselves even if the patents are not valid.

Why fight it? (2, Redundant)

Hythlodaeus (411441) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915320)

pop-up windows, targeted banner ads

Maybe it would be better if these were locked up by patents.

patent tax methods (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915341)

Lets all go patient all the tax methods to be in the future then charge the then governments for using our business ideas for making money!
why not- The rest of our societal structure is insane

Apple. (3, Insightful)

moxruby (152805) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915370)

I'll probably got modded down for this (actually, I'll probably get modded troll for stating that disclaimer [actually, my second disclaimer will give me a crack at a +1 funny mod (actually...I'll stop now)])

I think that the patent on mp3 player scroll wheels belonging to apple should be on that list.
A scroll wheel is the most sensible way to navigate a collection of mp3s and it really sucks that other players can't use it.

Prior art on a scroll wheel music player already exists... ie. almost every radio tuner ever created.

Re:Apple. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8916516)

What IS it on slashdot that makes anything anti-apple (especially a legitimate complaint about their horde of obvious patents) get modded troll? Does Jobs pay Slashbots to enforce the Reality Distortion Field (TM)?

Counter productive? (5, Insightful)

superskippy (772852) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915477)

Does anyone else think all of this patent-busting might be counter productive? The real goal is surely that no one can own patents on this rubbish (software, websites etc.)- prior art or no prior art. If these rather ridiculous patents are thrown out, doesn't that strengthen the argument of those who say- "Software patents do work! Here are some bad patents and, look, they were thrown out! The system heals itself. Lets have lots more patents"

Popup ads? (1, Interesting)

Inominate (412637) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915510)

Why would anyone want to bust a patent on popup ads?

Hell I'd contribute money to the owner of the patent, to help him collect much deserved royalties on it.

I don't see the problem in patenting things nobody wants around.

Re:Popup ads? (1)

gcaseye6677 (694805) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916921)

What happens when there is something that you want to use and somebody has declared it annoying or unwanted and keeps it locked up by patent? I'm no fan of popup ads, but I'm also not a fan of having choices of technologies subjectively restricted.

What about my "Move-Click" patent? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8915706)

"An invention involving a small wheel or ball which, when moved in the appropriate direction either directly, through manual manipulation, or indirectly by means of a larger device holding other electronics, places a small graphical device coincident with a picture, icon, or other item on the screen and then depressing a small lever, thereby choosing it."

I'm sure that my verbose description makes it a brand new invention, suitable for patent.

I think this is a bad idea.... (0, Redundant)

JaJ_D (652372) | more than 10 years ago | (#8915955)

Quote"The ten patents initially cited as problematic by the EFF Patent Busting Project are: [snip] pop-up windows"

In my opinion the patent owner of this should make ALL popup ad site pay them a very large some of money for using them! That should help slow down the perliferation of this PAMA (PopUp Ads of Mass Annoyance)...


Wonder if I can patent spam ??

With tongue firmly in cheek


They should also find a good political party (2, Interesting)

ShatteredDream (636520) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916143)

and help coordinate fund raising with it so it can stand a chance against the Republicrats. The easiest way for the EFF to effect longterm change would be to work with the Libertarian or Constitution Parties to help them get elected at the local and state levels where a lot of really stupid IT decisions are made. Think about it.

Libertarian candidates tend to be highly educated compared to their Republicrat counterparts. If you have a LP majority on your schoolboard, you have a much better chance that Little Johnny won't get kicked out for being a "hacker" for using the Windows Messenger Service to send a "hello" message around the network. Why? Because you'll have a well-educated, more rational schoolboard who is passionate about civil liberties. Members of the LP tend to embody the old saying "extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice."

Another thing to consider: a libertarian wouldn't pull either a Bush or Gore on IT and science. Bush wants people to back up his preconceived moral notions on biotech research and Gore wanted yes-men who would just confirm what was in his little world, his great and powerful intellect (in reality most of the last occupants of the whitehouse as P or VP had similar IQs). Harry Browne as I recall said that he'd have worked to repeal the DMCA if he were elected. Try hearing that from a Republicrat. They always want to just "fix something" rather than get rid of it.

Lastly consider this. In Eldred versus Ashcroft the geeks got a taste for what social conservatives decry as an out of control activist judiciary. That judiciary is reinforced by the Republicrats. If we were to work together to remove people like Tom Daschle and Trent Lott and replace them with members of the LP or CP we'd have a judiciary more on our side.

"One Size Fits All" patents are a problem (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#8916214)

Granted, patents are needed to insure inventors are compensated for their work, but why are they the same length of time for a trivial invention as for an invention developed over several years at great expense? Shouldn't there be a way to adjust the length of a patent based on how much it would take to adequately reward the present inventor and encourage future inventors?

To paraphrase Malibu Stacy, "Law is hard!" but to look at a single invention that is also a single product -- a drug for example -- we could:
a) Look at how long it took the person or company to develop the drug
b) Look at how expensive it was to test the drug for its patented use.

A drug company that spends a billion dollars to created and test a drug deserves a reasonable length of time to earn that money back, plus interest and enough profit to encourage future research. might spend a few thousand dollars and a couple of weeks thinking up the text for the "one click patent" and while I don't mind them making their money back plus interest and a tidy profit, they shouldn't be awarded the equivalent of hundreds of millions of dollars (if competitive advantage is taken into account) just because they filed a trivial patent first.

Which brings me to my question: What do other Slashdotters think would be the best way to ensure inventors benefit from their work, while preventing opportunists, lawyers, and the unscrupulous from screwing up the system?

This seems too uncontroversial for EFF (2, Interesting)

samwhite_y (557562) | more than 10 years ago | (#8916849)

I thought I had EFF tagged as an ineffective politically oriented "special interest" group and now they go and do something useful. I am going to have to improve my opinion of this organization. I don't think this is even going to be perceived as controversial by other political oriented entities and groups. I thought being "controversial" was their entire reason for existence, but I am glad to be enlightened otherwise.

Now we get to see if you have to be an organization like Microsoft in order to succeed in having the patent office revoke a patent. It would be nice if these obnoxious patents could be revoked purely on principle.

Doh. misread that (1)

bataras (169548) | more than 10 years ago | (#8917032)

I thought the title said "EFF to Fight Dubious Passwords" not "Dubious Patents".
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