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Quickie Fu

CmdrTaco posted more than 15 years ago | from the insanely-tame-lame-name-game-from-spain-(the-pain!) dept.

News 42

Amoeba Protozoa has the first Quickie for the day: The Linux Image Montage Project needs logos to create a montage poster. If you have a Linux related logo, send it to them. mazeone sent us a link to the always excellent NTK which has a great note about Bruce Perens at the start, (And yes, I read NTK too ;) And now a whole bunch of fun little links that have been building up: PopeClayton sent us a link to a Homer Simpson Fortune File. cpfeifer sent us a link to another O'Reily Book Parody. Zibalatz sent us a link to a MacBeth Star Wars Parody. rpm sent us a link to the Magic Nipple. It predicts the future. Sorta. Now we have a few more Porn Parody sites: desertAngel sent us Amish Porn and Gambit32 sent us telephone sex. Both are hilarious. The Only Anonymous Coward sent us a link to an emergency Security Alert: apparently a dangerous bug was found in GNU acronym. An anonymous reader sent us an important page: a Guide to Babes for Geeks. Follow these to the letter. Oh wait, most of us probably already do. That might explain my social life anyway.

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amish porn (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005099)

i drive thru lancaster, pa, every day on my way to classes and i've NEVER seen that much leg on an amish woman. although i have seen them with plenty of produce. so i wonder... if the webmaster of that page would charge fees, does he pay taxes?

look at this (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005100)

i thought this was funny


(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo a cups

( O }{ O ) d cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(Q) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

|o||o| android breasts

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

Other O'Reilly Parody (1)

RocketScientist (15198) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005102)

It would have been better with a picture of an exotic fish on the front or something.

Finally, I knew someday.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005103)

...the secrets of getting a woman would be revealed to me!

I'm going to try it out immediately tomorrow morning!

I'm all ready to go:

I haven't shaved in 3 days or showered in about 2 weeks. I'm all pale since I haven't left my house save for school in about 3 months. I've got a print out of all the kernel code I've hacked to bring with me tomorrow on some of that old dot matrix printer paper. I'm going to wear my geeky sun glasses all day long, even in class, to prevent eye contact with any females in the general area!

Before I go I better review my huge porn archive so I know what I'm looking for tomorrow.

And, I've got business cards stuffed full of all my geeky URLs filled with stuff about Unix to boot!

I'm ready! Bring on da ladiez!

(Disclaimer: I am not in any way responsible for this posting; it just happened of its own accord without my knowledge or explicit permission.)

Guide to Babes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005104)

Finally, A truly informative article posted on /. -B^)

(Still can't get account to work)
-- Keith

proposed O'Reilly Parody... (1)

rafial (4671) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005105)

This one just occured to me... "Hamlet in a Nutshell" with the sub-title "Considering yourself king of infinite space."

Sadly I haven't the graphics chops to pull it off. So I'm releasing this joke under GPL :)

-raf

Alpha geek? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005106)

Sounds really crude and incomplete. Even a beta geek suggests a few flaws.

re: Real Geek Guide to Babes. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005107)

You've certainly got a valid point.

alone != loneliness

At least, not all the time. Some people probably need more social activity than others.

GNU bug (1)

Trepidity (597) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005108)

FWIW, the "dangerous bug was found in GNU acronym" originally was written for segfault.org (it should still be in the archives there...search around a bit). Apparently one of the GNU people (not sure if it was RMS or one of the other GNU people) saw it and liked it and asked if he could use it on the gnu.org site, and naturally the segfault people agreed, so it's there now.

An experiment in women... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005109)

I posted an over- the-top parody [classifieds2000.com] of an abusive jerk in the Excite personals yesterday, to see if any women would actually respond. It's fairly obvious that it's a joke; still, I wonder how many responses this will generate.

Does Rob Malda have a girlfriend? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005110)

If not, then when will he meet a member of the female gender and fall in love?

Hmmmm.... (1)

Jonathan Hamilton (221) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005111)

Welp back in October yes, or at least that what it looked like. I went to the Atlantic Linux Showcase and their were two diffrent girls that follow Rob, Freshmeat man , and the Themes.org editor. They didn't look to bad, but I'm still convinced thats why Rob didn't go naked to that convetion. One of his friends has spice girl shoes on!??!?!?!?.

Real geeks do not play Myst. (1)

RatBastard (949) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005112)

We play Quake, Quake2 and DOOM.

he just hasn't met me yet (1)

gwendoline (19260) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005113)

come west, young man. we're waiting for you.

No prank! (1)

khaladan (445) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005114)

I saw it on eBay!

http://www.vhosts.com (0)

topdogg (200755) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005115)

They forgot vhosts.net?!?!?! Hey http://www.vhosts.net will be open tomarow! it's a domain redirector.. Kinda cool, they also do 50Mb web site hosting for a one time setup fee of $50.00... I have an account with them, and no problems sofar.. Link to http://www.vhosts.net [209.223.9.121] vhosts.net
this ip is http://209.223.9.121 they won't have the domain untill tomarow, But you can signup now for free! check it out...

Real Geek Guide to Babes. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005116)

Where's a REAL guide? I need one.

However, I see some similarities to myself in that list of qualities. This disturbs me.

I seem to remember something about getting girls to like you involving being a jerk and pretending you don't know anything except how to be cool, even if you don't. And definately looking at yourself and saying, "I WANT to be looked at as just a piece of meat."

The other idea is to be yourself, and then you will find true love. Or, you might not. You might just live your whole life lonely and then die.

Argh. By the way, I've tried both methods. And the one that works at all is the first one.

Damn. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005117)

Wow, Star Wars MacBeth was done at my high school, mostly by two of the hardcore video editor guys (pity they didn't use Linux). Never thought I'd see them on /. though!

(Our router, however, is RedHat, and we're begging to replace the NT webserver with a nice Debian box)

God I love Zork... (1)

slothbait (2922) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005118)

That was pretty funny, and really made me nostalgic. You know, modern games like Grim Fandango are awful cool, but they just aren't the same as the old text-games. Games like Zork had some real character. Also: I kind of like the idea of an adventurer trapped in an office, murking around with printers and evil coworkers, reading notes from bosses. I understand that people still write these games, maybe I should try my hand some time...

This almost makes me want to reboot into DOS...guess it's time to install dosemu on this puppy.

--Lenny

A Paradoxical Strategy (1)

acb (2797) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005119)

There is one solution: just forget about it. Forget all about sex (it's just another neurochemical high). Forget about "having a girlfriend" as a symbol of social acceptance. (Symbols are themselves meaningless.) Reject the social conditioning and genetic programming that tells you to find a mate; you are more than a puppet of your genes. That's ultimately all that courtship is about; your genes looking for ways to reproduce themselves.

Instead focus on enjoying what is to be enjoyed, be it conversation with friends or seeing films or playing in a band or photographing landscapes, with no goal in mind other than to enjoy what you're doing. (That's the important part. If you go out for the purpose of trying to find a partner, it won't work.)

Stop angsting. You've survived so far alone, and you can survive for longer. Besides, not being alone brings its own share of problems. Having a girlfriend does not guarantee happiness; if you're prone to unhappiness, all it does is trade your existing discontent for new kinds. And throw out all your Smiths records.

Become content with being alone; find satisfaction within. Get out from in front of the computer for the purpose of enjoying what life has to offer you now. Widen your interests, and make the best use of your life as it is now. Above all things, to thine own self be true.

Perhaps you won't then always be alone; but even if you are, you'll have a better time of it.

--
"Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it."
-- Black Box Recorder

How to view .mov? (1)

Bill Currie (487) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005120)

Do I use xanim?
Other options?
Will my 486-66 cut the mustard?

You mean, non-virtual??? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005121)

Hmmm, remember, cybersex is as good as real sex...
(and no hassle with all this interpersonal relations stuff)

Can't stop laughing (1)

Erbo (384) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005122)

The hell of it is, the guy "running" the "auction" linked his own eBay profile to this page, and has actually gotten comments, including 6 positive feedbacks, for this page! (Some of the comments are a riot, too...)

My guess is, if/when eBay spots this, he's probably hosed...but they really ought to just give him a commendation for original thinking.

Eric
--

Other O'Reilly Parody (1)

Daverz (1471) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005123)

Does anyone have a URL for the other O'Reilly
parody that was posted on slashdot some time ago?
It was hilarious (Jesus in a Nutshell is mildly amusing).

Dave

No Subject Given (1)

drwiii (434) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005124)

heh heh heh [onastick.net]

Amish porn (1)

Amoeba Protozoa (15911) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005125)

The nice thing about Amish pron is that if you posted it, they would never know about it!

Amoeba

GNU bug (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005126)

It was RMS if I recall correctly. You'd have to ask Leonard for sure tho, I have a memory like a seive.

Babes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005128)

Any women here care to let me try my new ways to get babes on them?

Amish? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005129)

I used to live in lancaster.pa and the picture was unrealistic. I mean where's the hat? You know, the white cloth thing? Also too much leg. Never saw that in all my days.

She was a pretty model though. I think another poster said that though, pretty without makeup etc

How to view .mov? (1)

Bill Currie (487) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005130)

Thanks! I'll poke around and dig out the rest of the info I might need myself (ISTR seeing xanim mentioned on freshmeat)

what's so amusing about telephone sex? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005131)

I just don't get it. I look at phones all the time, for over 1/2 hour straight sometimes. Esp. this really neat one that I saw that was built in to the wall.

I like phones. Red and beige are my favorites. and COCOTs... mmmmmmmmm

RMS, our lord and savior? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005132)

Before the fake O'Reilly book finished loading, I thought it was a picture of Richard Stallman... :)

l

Check this site out, and see how you like it... (1)

Deadric (13491) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005133)

I found this hilarious... check out this EBay prank page.
http://208.169.218.91/kids.html
Reply how you like it.

Amish Porn -- (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005134)

Man, she was a babe.

Seriously, not one of those empty-headed I've got eyes only for a mirror vain types with no sense of humor. One of those wholesome types with brains who just enjoy the hell out of life.

The kind who looks terrific without makeup -- like when you see her the morning after and wonder why God was nice to you for once?

And red hair too.

wow.

Not really an A/C, just didn't want to bother dragging out my password.

hanzie@hotbot.com

Real Geek Guide to Babes. (1)

choo (14599) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005135)

While it isn't true that geekiness will get you babes, I don't think the reverse is true either.

Just be yourself; that's worked for me (it's good to go out and talk to people a bit more though...)


damn Nipple... (1)

Mr. Piccolo (18045) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005136)

I asked it "Is Solaris the coolest OS in the known universe?" and it said "My reply is no"...

I would have expected at least "Reply hazy, try again..."

Maybe if I had asked about Linux? ;-)

Amish porn (1)

Mao (12237) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005137)

Hmm... i don't know, i don't wanna be all righteous and stuff... but although i am NOT offended by the web, and am actually involuntarily amused to a certain degree, I just think the joke is in bad taste. That is all.

Does Rob Malda have a girlfriend? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 15 years ago | (#2005138)

"My sources say no"

Hilarious Be Story (1)

dew (3680) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005139)

I found this [weekly.org] In the latest Be newsletter. I nearly peed my pants reading it. Enjoy!
David E. Weekly (dew)

Try this one out (1)

Akira1 (5566) | more than 15 years ago | (#2005140)

Goto ebay, and enter the search terms human soul...
I came up with 4 hits. Items are no longer available, but they are in the engine.....
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