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Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship?

Cliff posted more than 10 years ago | from the razor-sharp-balancing-acts dept.

Games 1054

Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."

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Wrong crowd... (5, Funny)

Mz6 (741941) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308478)

Or obvious solution #3... Regular /.'s don't have to worry about this "problem", so why ask me^H^Hthem?

Re:Wrong crowd... (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308574)

Your post is retarded for 2 reasons:
1. Many /. regulars DO have SO's, as proven time after time in discussions.
2. ^H^H is dumb. You might as well just made an "All Your Base" or "nerds don't have girlfriends" post. Oh wait.. you did.

Re:Wrong crowd... (4, Funny)

StuWho (748218) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308642)

Yup - you want a quip about Microsoft being demons then you've come to the right place. Romance tips... All I can suggest is buying a furry glove

Adulthood calls... (4, Insightful)

ChuckleBug (5201) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308479)

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but the solution IS obvious: Cut back on the gaming. Perhaps way back. In a healthy relationship, you and your SO will give each other time to pursue your own interests, and you'll both sacrifice some personal time for the other. You can't be a compulsive gamer and have a healthy relationship.

If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up. And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.

I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best.

Re:Adulthood calls... (5, Funny)

DoctorDeath (774634) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308492)

I agree spend time with the SO at home and play at work!

Re:Adulthood calls... (2, Insightful)

Malc (1751) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308531)

Or play games like Crash Bandicoot with them...

Re:Adulthood calls... (4, Insightful)

Luscious868 (679143) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308535)

Another obvious solution is to find an SO that has similar interestes so you can spend time with the SO and still do the things that you like to do.

Re:Adulthood calls... (5, Funny)

(54)T-Dub (642521) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308540)

I agree, but I think you could simply say:
You can't be a compulsive __________ and have a healthy relationship.
And fill in the blank with any habbit except maybe "flowers buyer"

Re:Adulthood calls... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308601)

And fill in the blank with any habbit except maybe "flowers buyer" "Cunnilingus giver" would rate highly with the ladies, too. :)

Re:Adulthood calls... (1, Troll)

nxc3 (169151) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308603)

I've been married for 8 years without doing any sacrifice. 15 years of sacrifice seem like an awful long time...

Gamers: if the girlfriend does not like the gaming, how can she like the gamer? It's a great opportuinity to become free and meet this gaming uber chick, the one who will join you on world domination allnighters!

Re:Adulthood calls... (3, Informative)

scoofy12 (301238) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308608)

I'm going to have to agree with the above. I just got married in January, but a while back I nearly lost her (after a few months of dating) because of my gaming habit. Graduating from college (and hence moving away from my gaming buddies) and getting more heavily involved cut way back on my gaming, and since I've been married I've played very little. I know games like CoH aren't very conducive to just playing a couple hours a week, but there it is. If you're like me, you pretty much have to treat is as a choice between gaming and your SO, at least for a while. Not that you have to give it up completely, but you may find that your conception of cutting back and only playing a little may differ significantly from hers.

Cheer up though, it's worth it :)

Re:Adulthood calls... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308609)

3 words,
Pussy whipped freak

Re:Adulthood calls... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308683)

The mature people of the world thank you for not pissing to the gene pool. :)

Re:Adulthood calls... (5, Insightful)

belgar (254293) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308622)

Mod this comment up. I love gaming as much as the next person, but reality check here: relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. In the comparison of gaming and your SO, if you don't recognize the more important of the two is the SO, then get out -- you ain't ready for a serious relationship, to be honest.

Don't get me wrong, that's not a slag -- for some people, their friends, online or in the flesh, are more important than being in a committed relationship. Just don't leave the other person in limbo.

Also, recognize the difference between "friends" and "gaming" -- is it the game you want to play, or the friends you want to play with? If it's the former, time to evaluate your priorities.

Re:Adulthood calls... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308650)

No no, you're not obliged to cut back on gaming. I've just bought "Married with children" on DVD and you have countless examples and hints to continue playing without quitting your wife!

Re:Adulthood calls... (2, Insightful)

wetson (27135) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308703)

I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best. I've been married for about 2 years, and I wholly agree that what you say is true. Luckily, my wife also recognizes the fact that I game a lot more than your average Joe, and has cut me some slack. I just want to point out that making sacrifices doesn't mean quitting cold turkey. Cutting back and, more importantly, being responsible about meeting committments is what marks mature relationships. You need to talk with your SO, and find out what she expects of you. Communication is the key to making relationships work. So while I've cut back on the gaming some, I still think I game a lot more than the average person, perhaps at a frequency where some people would still think is unhealty, but is acceptable to my spouse.

Lucky (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308488)

'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."

You're lucky, I'd have bitten your head off after a comment like that.

Re:Lucky (4, Funny)

MortisUmbra (569191) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308572)

I'd say hes very lucky hes not married to you....

That is what you meant right?

Wrong game title! (-1, Flamebait)

NetNinja (469346) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308490)

City of Nerds!

Re:Wrong game title! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308613)

With a name like Net Ninja, and City of Hero players are nerds!?!?

Kettle, meet...

Solution (4, Funny)

mallocme (740799) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308494)

tsk tsk... bears? should've used bunnies. Always gets them.

Re:Solution (3, Funny)

Tackhead (54550) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308649)

> tsk tsk... bears? should've used bunnies. Always gets them.

Tried that with DOOM I. Didn't work too good. (But if it does, marry her.)

Good old BUNNY.MP3, the best end game music ever [] .

Doom3.. (1)

x.Draino.x (693782) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308497)

I just spent more than a grand on a new box so I can play Doom3 when it comes out. I'm already having this issue with my wife and the game isn't even out yet. =)

Re:Doom3.. (1)

lawngnome (573912) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308630)

a grand? dude... the spinning chrome top is for suckers...

best possible option (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308503)

You are going to have to save money and upgrade your wife next instead of your computer.

Nice try, but... (5, Insightful)

Kid Zero (4866) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308504)

Unless you find a woman who can handle you playing games like that most of the time while ignoring her, you're out of luck. Most women (I've found) like to be paid attention to.

Besides, women are more fun to score with. :D

Re:Nice try, but... (2, Funny)

HuckleCom (690630) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308699)

But the chances of making the highscore list are very, very slim.

you must be new around here (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308506)

/.'ers don't know what you are talking about when you mention "signifigant others".

Get the Significant other Involved in the game (3, Interesting)

beatleadam (102396) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308510)

Have you asked your wife/husband if they would like to play or join the group you are so involved with? If not that group, how about setting up a parallel group that plays the same game?

Re:Get the Significant other Involved in the game (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308648)

inviting them into "your world" always gets bonus points, especially when they are not gammers/geeks/ or /.ers. but not only invite them to join in, but show them how to play. If the SO happens to be female, maybe find a better game for them to play other than zoo tycoon...studies have shown that women like puzzle-solving games: try old school like American Mcgee's Alice (which has been rather popular with the ladies)

Well (5, Insightful)

Hott of the World (537284) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308512)

They both cost money, but I'd have to go with getting rid of the games (I know, blasphemy).

When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."

Re:Well (1)

Profane MuthaFucka (574406) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308607)

I'm going to do it, have my ex-wife video tape it, and mail it to you. THAT will show you. heheh.

Expect a small package from me in about 30 years.

Re:Well (0, Offtopic)

Elwood P Dowd (16933) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308612)

When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."
What, are you kidding? When I look back at a few previous relationships, I think exactly that. Even worse is when I think about all the homework I did in middle school. All that time I could have been playing X-Com or something. What the hell is wrong with my parents, I'll never know.

Re:Well (5, Funny)

Anonvmous Coward (589068) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308672)

"You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."

Yeah because "Man I bent over backwards for that cow and she STILL dumped me" is so much better.

Put your foot down! (1)

graveyardduckx (735761) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308516)

Tell them either they deal with it, or you're leaving! What self-respecting /. geek would let someone take their computer away from them!?!

I'm curious... (1)

Faust7 (314817) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308518)

The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time.

How could people this addicted have found the time or inclination to have pursued and won over significant others in the first place?

Lost cause (2, Informative)

xerph (229015) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308520)

From past personal experience, if your significant other has a pre-existing interest in video games, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem to find a way to work this situation out. But for those involved with somebody who has no interest in games, you're probably fighting a losing battle and eventually one side is going to have to give.

Time to grow up a little, IMO (5, Insightful)

Skyshadow (508) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308523)

As a 26 year-old who has owned every major game system since the NES and who is getting married next month, I have some experience with this: The best advice I can give is that moderation and comprimise are the only way to approach this.

If the two of you can't work out a comprimise (spoken or unspoken), then you really don't belong in a relationship with one another. Gaming isn't the only thing that's going to eat into your life in the next few years -- work, children, clubs, friends, PTAs, softball games, etc. will all potentially require some kind of balance if you're going to continue a workable relationship. So look at this as a test run.

Relationships are about cooperation -- they're about *not* just considering your own needs, but taking the other person into serious consideration. I used to play hours of Quake each day in college, but when we moved in together I realized I was ignoring her and I cut way the heck back. Now, I play where I have a chance; it's not a set schedule, just something we worked out (you can't live together without having time alone, IMO). I'll play some GTA while she reads or watches a chick flick on HBO. She understands it's something I enjoy, but I understand that I can't blow the unhealthy amount of time I used to on it. Welcome to adult life.

Anyhow, my girlfriend (er, fiance... gotta get used to that before the wedding) is more important to me than numbing my mind in front of the Xbox. If yours isn't, well, maybe it's time to cut her loose and pursue your real interests.

Weirdly, I actually found myself on the other side of this one back with Girlfriend 1.0; she started playing MUDs our freshman year of college and got absolutely addicted. Our three-year relationship went right into the crapper because she *obviously* preferred being in character in her little fantasy world to me (or reality in general for that matter -- she flunked out of school because she wasn't bothering with classes). I suppose that gave me a bit more empathy in terms of this situation...

Gaming rules (1)

DigiBoi (139261) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308525)

Luckily my gf is into the *Tycoon and Sims games. she'll play on her computer while i play battlefield 1942 on mine.

Zoo Tycoon?! (1)

Dachannien (617929) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308526)

As far as I know, the most successful way to get your SO to accept that you're addicted to a game is to get her/him to play that same game, too.

If it really is a good game, s/he'll be hooked and may even end up playing more than you do.

Re:Zoo Tycoon?! (1)

darkCanuck (751748) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308695)


I got my wife to try Warcraft 3 and she got hooked. Very strange too because she used to only prefer the occasional bang-the-hell-out-of-the-buttons Mortal Kombat type game because, despite my superior strategy, she'd kick my arse.

I know she'd dig UT except for the fact that she gets physically ill watching fps games.

Balancing Act (5, Informative)

andyrut (300890) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308528)

I had the exact same problem, and for me the choice between my relationship and gaming was fairly simple: do both.

I was involved in a competitive gaming league which held matches once a week. Even though our team played in a fairly low bracket in the league, we still took the time to practice before we played our weekly match. It got to the point where I was investing a significant percentage of my free time gaming and it began to wear on my significant other.

Eventually I said to my team "hey guys, I can practice once or twice a week for X hours and play in our match." That worked out fine and I had a lot of fun playing. But more importantly, I kept my relationship and gaming time well-balanced.

If you feel like spending significantly MORE time gaming than being with your significant other, then take a step back and decide whether one or the other is really worth it. I'd choose the gal, myself.

I've been fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who will accompany me to LAN parties and put up some respectable numbers on the fragboard. :)

how about the third obvious solution? (3, Insightful)

flynt (248848) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308533)

Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other)

How about limiting your playing time each day to something you both agree on, and then spend your non-playing time together. You definitely need your free time away from your SI, everyone does, so just use it to play the game. It sounds like you may have a problem when you say "want to play all the time". Just do it in moderation.

Meh...teach the other to game (1)

hswerdfe (569925) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308534)

My girlfriend is more adicted to Diablo than I am.

she may not be as good as me but still...she is mor adicted...

Re:Meh...teach the other to game (1)

Jim_Maryland (718224) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308605)

My wife is not as addicted to games as I am, but she does enjoy playing "The Sims" with the various expansion packs. Fortunately for me though, my wife would rather have me playing the video games over going out to drink or spending a lot of time fishing (which oddly enough she decided to take up this year too). I still need to moderate (which she and I have different opinions on) how much game time vs wife time. When she sends the kids over to the PC to bug me, I know that I've reached my game time limit.

Um... why is this article even on Slashdot? (1)

Le'BottomEh (750785) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308537)

It's obvious that you have priority issues. If you favor a game over someone who dedicates a significant amount of her time/emotions to you then you might want to re-evaluate the direction that your life is heading to.

Is this "Stuff That Matters" or is Slashdot just running out of articles?

Ruining my relationship? (4, Funny)

Sinful_Shirts (784047) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308539)

What are they talking about? I've built plenty of meaningful relationships in the Sims!

The secret... (4, Interesting)

CyberKnet (184349) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308545)

The secret is to find something they like playing. It won't neccessarily be obvious either.

My wife turned her nose up at the cute fluffy games that I thought she would like. At first blush I thought perhaps computer games were not going to be something she would like. Then she saw me playing Quake3 Arena one day and has become quite adept at it.

Most importantly is to talk about your game playing habits. Find out why it is a problem for them. This will prevent countless hours of arguing and pouting (on both parts!).

If the problem is "just" because your chores are suffering, then the solution may be as easy as finishing your chores quicker; not finding a game for her so you can say "You play too!".

Get a life (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308546)

Your girlfriend should dump you....send her to me, so you can play Zoo Tycoon all you want.

long-distance (1)

qcubed (655212) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308547)

there's always the run for your frickin' life option, in which you tell her that you have a business trip somewhere, and then spend a weekend hepped up on coca-cola, pop-tarts, and pizza, sitting in front of your computer with your friends, an optical mouse, and a keyboard in a lan party in a cheap hotel room...

Who cares? (5, Funny)

dogas (312359) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308549)

Just play the game, man. Jeez, who the hell wears the pants in *your* relationship?

I think I speak for a collective 47.6% of all slashdotters when I say... WHA-PSSSH!!!

Get her to play too! (1)

Athrawn17 (626453) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308553)

Being an Everquest junkie I know how this feels. But my solution was to slowly get my significant other to play EQ too. This solves the problem nicely.

What Worked For Me (4, Funny)

Greenisus (262784) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308561)

The only time this could have ever been a problem for me was the summer FF7 came out. My girlfriend got a 9 to 5 job for the summer, and I had a free ride from my parents (I was in school at the time). So, I'd play by day, and hang out with her at night.

We did get in a fight one night, though, when I called her Aeris . . . .

Cute Bears? (1)

Tackhead (54550) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308563)

> I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."

Dude, that's a good sign.

The next step in the beta testing process is to try her out on one of the Half-Life 2 demo videos. "Look honey! No more cute bears. Gibs that splatter across half the playfield when you whack the hanging torso with a crowbar."

If she sits there with her jaw dropped to the floor while a small puddle of drool forms on the desk, propose to her. If you hear words like "w00t!" or "cool!" or "whoa!", don't just propose, for fuck's sake, marry her!

uhhh (1)

nomadic (141991) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308564)

Ree-la-tion-ship? What kind of crazy, moon-man language is that?

The Obvious Solution... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308565)

...keep playing! If this is even an issue, you are such a clueless loser that we don't want to even risk the chance that you will ever breed.

Cue the jokes (4, Funny)

josh3736 (745265) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308566)

At this point, it is time to cue the jokes about:
  • Surely you don't actually have a SO
  • SO == Realdoll [] (Work Warning!)
  • In Soviet Russia... since everything seems to be in Soviet Russia around here
  • and of course, "Where can I find one of these so-called girlfriends?"


Seriously, you just need to budget your time. A few games, then some time together doing whatever, then another game.

Or you can always just wait until she goes to bed to start playing.

Re:Cue the jokes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308697)

Or you can always just wait until she goes to bed to start playing.

Wait a sec.. bes is where you should be playing in the first place... priorities fellas. Oh wait.. forgot this was /.

Wait a sec... (3, Funny)

Bob Vila's Hammer (614758) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308567)

This is slashdot, it is most definitely implied that your "significant other" is virtual/not real, so just close the program or put it back in the closet. Problem solved.

It's called compromise. (1)

garcia (6573) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308573)

It's called compromise. You don't have to spend all your time w/the S.O. and you certainly don't have to spend all your time playing the damn game. The S.O. will have to understand and so will your gaming buddies.

Things don't have to be as black and white as "stop playing" or "dumping the S.O."

I geocache [] a lot. My user account includes my gf's name but she doesn't participate nearly as much as I do. She doesn't mind when I go out and do it as long as she gets some "her time" too. YMMV.

Not to be mean, (1, Flamebait)

ErikTheRed (162431) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308578)

but if you have to ask this question, members of the opposite sex will probably appreciate it if you just stay the hell away. Women (I'm assuming this question is being asked by a guy) want and need lots of affection. Plants need water and sunlight. Women need (at the extreme minimum) food, compliments, conversation, touching/sex, and the occasional pair of shoes. If you aren't willing to provide these, then your relationship will resemble a plant left in a dry basement for a few months.

That's not saying that you can't have time with your friends, but RPGing and relationships just don't mix (unless she RPGs too).

Bad relationship (1)

mikeg22 (601691) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308580)

If you are honestly sacrificing most/all of your time with your significant other in order to play a video game then it would seem to me that your relationship was not that strong to begin with. You really should enjoy being in eachothers company more than it appears you do. Time to to have a serious talk with your spouse in my opinion.

Re:Bad relationship (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308620)

Christ rl sucks right now when we Americans are just friggin torturers and imperialists(well the ultra right wing neocons anyway), we need our games to keep us sane.

But, gals just dont dig on the computer game thing generally, and generally attempts at that make 'em pissed off..hehe

So...make compromises that certain days/times you are all hers. ie, you get to play for 2 hours after work, or, say sunday evenings. Most importantly, define what times/days you are hers alone.

p.s. vie her with flowers..that always works!

NOLF (1)

Nibelungo (691210) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308584)

Don't listen to people who tell you to stop playing, that's not what you asked for right? With my girl what worked was no one lives forever, she just loved Cate Archer, in fact she uses that nick to this day. But i believe it's not just the character, the game is really great, and also a FPS, not easy to get girls to like that genre.

you insensitive clod (1)

dlt074 (548126) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308585)

i don't have any relationships!

How about this?? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308587)

Get a fvckin life.

She's Boring... (1)

Suriel (784721) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308589)

My girlfriend likes to quilt. I can get in a good amount of gaming while she's quilting... Watch a movie snuggled up on the couch (complete with blanket comfy clothes and popcorn) with your woman every once in a while, that should cheer her up.

wrong forum (1)

pixel-fodder (728238) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308594)

You're asking the /. crowd for advice on how to manage a relationship with another human being ???

Jesus tapdancing... (1)

ibpooks (127372) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308597)

Put down the controller and talk to the girl once in a while.

Don't make her feel like she's 2nd place (5, Insightful)

Anonvmous Coward (589068) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308598)

In general, you don't want to make your girlfriend feel like she's 2nd place. For example, don't go straight to the computer after getting home. Sit down, chat with her, let the day kinda die down before going to a game. This alone will make a much bigger difference than simply cutting back the number of hours involved. Sadly I found this out the hard way once.

Looks like you made the wrong choice (1)

tyrani (166937) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308602)

If gamming is such a big part of your life, perhaps you made the wrong choice with a significant other. Go find a girl / boy friend who will game with you!

Of course, as all true /.er's know, simply finding any sort of female who will tolerate more then a few minutes with them is hard enough :)

Huh (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308604)

What's a relationship?

How I find time to play with my baby daughter (5, Interesting)

indulgenc (694929) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308606)

A little over a year ago, my wife and I had a baby. She takes up the majority of my time now, but my wife and I made an agreement that we'd each get one night a week to ourselves. I typically play EQ (yes still addicted after 4 and 1/2 years) on my night, and she plays Quake 3 on hers.

Even with other things: I hate doing laundry, and she hates to cook. So I cook and she does the laundry (mostly because I'm a much better cook though).

It is all about compromise, but as long as you can both come to an agreement that works it would be an issue.


try halo co-op mode (1)

dparnell (128903) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308610)

There's nothing like a little bit of blood guts and gore shared between partners.

My wife and I make a really good team. She's the mistress of plasma grenades. She lobs them in, then I go in and clean up what's left.

Very thereputic.

She's also starting to get a lot better at deathmatch, a 3 to 1 kill ratio is pretty good, and is a lot better than 15 to 1 when she first started out.

Quality Time (1)

Sergeant Beavis (558225) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308617)

I am a recovering CounterStrike addict and I can definitely say that it hurt my marriage during the time I was playing. After that little episode, I learned that you have to MAKE time for your significant other. If you have to plan for it, then plan for it. You have to constantly work on your relationship or it will stangnate, whether your an evercrack addict or not. You can still play games, but you're gonna have to limit how many of those all nighters you pull. Oh, and learning how to put the toilet lid down doesn't hurt either.

Oh for the love of (1)

aliens (90441) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308621)

Strike a balance!

Your hobby could be cars, computers, gardening, baseball, crack smoking, but as long as you manage to not let it eat up all your time you'll be fine.

Every relationship is a mixture of us time and me time, if you're no longer interested in the us time then why is there even an us?

Comeon now, unless you're under 22 it might be time to grow up a little. Unless you don't want to, which is fine, just don't come back to /. asking, "I'm 30, fat, and balding how can I get a significant other"

On Relationships... (1)

emmilliiee (676437) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308624)

Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite,
Often, when I read anything on slashdot regarding relationships or just about women in general, I wonder how people around here get in relationships to begin with. What your significant other wants is what you are giving to your gaming friends instead: YOUR TIME. If you are having a difficult time just randomly spending time together, maybe you need to schedule and plan some dinner dates and some quality time together. If your S.O. wanted to be playing video games, they would be online with you and your buddies kicking your ass. You probably dug yourself into a deeper hole by trying to pass your S.O. off so cheaply - what a stunt like that says is "Look over here while I do something that is more important to me, and far more valuble than YOU." Good luck getting out of that one, I would have ditched you by now.

Time to get serious! (1)

Zerbey (15536) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308626)

Most significant others get upset when you spend more time on your hobbies (in your case, playing computer games) than on them. It's part of life, deal with it, be grateful you have someone!

Why not involve her in the game? You may be pleasantly surprised and she may like it. Get involved with some of her hobbies as well. This is called building a relationship.

If she's not interested, you're just going to have to respect that and limit your time playing games. I'm pretty sure your SO is more important to you than video games, in the long run!

I'm sure she occasionally wants to spent time away from you and be with her friends as well, how would you feel if this was all the time?

Get a game job (1)

DanTheLewis (742271) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308628)

I'm married and I have the same problem as the poster. I am reduced to playing Super Street Fighter 2 for half an hour some nights and bemoaning my lost youth. Oh woe, youth!

My s-m-r-t solution is to get a job making games.

Play games for fun... ??? (Do lots of hard work) ... Profit!

Doesn't sound like too strong of a relationship... (1)

xen0side (612067) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308636)

If you are considering dumping your significant other just to play a friggin game, I get the odd feeling your relationship isn't meant to be. If you take your relationship seriously you will get back on the damn gaming and find something mutual the both of you can enjoy. Luckily I don't have that problem... me and my girlfriend recently got into an argument over who was the bigger zelda fan.

Solution (1)

Danborg (62420) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308638)

I would think the obvious solution is to find a game that you can both enjoy playing together! If City of Heroes doesn't strike her fancy then perhaps The Sims would be more her speed.

Just Say No (5, Insightful)

hardgeus (6813) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308639)

After having over a year of my life sucked into Ultima Online I can tell you from experience that you want to stay away from the MMORPG genre.

These games are specifically designed to maximise addiction and require as much of your time as is possible. They are designed to make it impossible to just sit down for 15 minutes and have a fun little game.

There is a whole world out there with actual real things that games only exist to simulate. Computer games are great while they are augmenting your real life. They are good for a little off time every now and then.

When you reach a point where your wife/girlfriend/whatever feels neglected because of a video game, you need to question your priorities. Perhaps the proper question isn't how to get her off your back, but rather, is this game worth the time I am spending?

Same prob (3, Insightful)

steelerguy (172075) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308640)

First, don't get addicted to too many games. I will only buy the very best games out there then go a couple months in between them once finished.

Second, arrange times that you are going to play a couple days in advance so you can warn significant other. Set a time limit like 2 hours or so. You will always run over the time limit, so you should aim toward the lower end of the spectrum that you really want to play for.

Third, it is ok to play once significant other has fallen asleep, but never...I repeat...NEVER let her go to bed by herself. If you do you are just asking for it. Now if you can pull off the cuddle for awhile bit until she is asleep and then get up and play you may get away with it, but that laying down till fall asleep time seems to be very important to women.

This has worked for me. I must admit that I don't play as much as I used to, but that is probably for the best. Just remember to spend at least as much time as you plan on playing with your significant other. I don't mean sitting in front of the tube time, but realy quality time. Also let them know you are going to play, so it does not come as a suprise.

Its all about compromise (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308643)

It was a matter of time before this came up, im was in the same boat, i dont think stopping a hobby is growing up, its giving up. Dont be controlled in your relationship, work out a plan with your partner so once in awhile you can get your gaming fix and they are also given time for anything. When things get too busy yes unfortunatly the game will have to wait, never put the game before a person then you got a real problem =[

Just a thought... (4, Insightful)

Ciannait (82722) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308645)

One of the bonuses of City of Heroes is the lack of EQ or DAoC-style timesinks.

You don't have to level your character before leveling your clothes. You don't have to camp a spawn for seven hours. You don't have to do ML10.

The game is perfectly able to be played an hour or two at a time. In fact, it caters to casual gaming. If you're spending so much time playing City of Heroes that your girlfriend is getting pissed, there's probably a good reason.

Do the Long Distance Thing.. (1)

megarich (773968) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308652)

Well right now i'm in a long distance relationship. That part sucks but I talk to her on average an hour a day(usually between 9-10pm) so anytime after or before I would be set.........

Condescending (1)

mumblestheclown (569987) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308654)

I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."

Don't know if this was supposed to be funny or what, but I'd start to feel bad about myself if the women I dated responded to such condescention with anything other than a slap to the head.

That said, while I am not much of a gamer now, when I was an undergraduate several years ago I stayed up four straight days playing Sid Meier's Colonization while my girlfriend of the time tolerated it with good humor (as a one time thing). Ah, she was an angel..

beowolf alert! (1)

CyberKnet (184349) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308655)

The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time.

Possibly about the only time you definitely do NOT want to imagine a beowolf cluster of something!


Get her addicted. (1)

dwaggie (106338) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308659)

I upgraded her machine, got it to a level that she could comfortably play CoH in a decent resolution (at 800x600, everything's all clustered in), and then actually let her play on my account for a bit until she just said 'hey, let's go buy me my own'. Since then, she's playing it more than I do (I still like FPSs and RTSs as well as the one MMORPG I play), so it looks like that avenue is going well ;)

Spread The Addiction! (1)

shawnmchorse (442605) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308661)

It's simple, get her addicted too. Think of MMORPGs as an infection. My best friend bought me Dark Age of Camelot to play with him, then I bought it for my father for Christmas, then my girlfriend decided to give it a try, then she got a couple of her friends to play it with her, etc. Seriously, I was/am a fairly hardcore Dark Age of Camelot player. My significant other was less than amused by this behavior, right up until the point when she decided to give it a try and got just as addicted to it. The family that plays together stays together, and all that. At times, I've played with my girlfriend, my best friend, and my father online all at the same time.

For fuck's sake. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 10 years ago | (#9308662)

Welcome to Ask Slashdot, where we troll the Slashdot readership with questions designed to provoke cliche rants. I think it is time to remove this topic from our profiles.

Several Recent Reports (2, Interesting)

techsoldaten (309296) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308664)

Several recent reports have come out noting the rise of female participation in MMUG's, I seem to remember Everquest being mentioned but I am not sure of the particulars. Anyways, there is a lot of growth in this area. While you did mention she is not into computer games, perhaps one avenue you want to explore is finding games that are popular with women and trying to introduce her to games that way.

Notice of full disclosure: I broke up with one girlfriend after the release of Warcraft II for the Mac, it was just such a cool game and she really did talk too much while I was TRYING TO DESTROY THE PUNY HUMANS.


Been there, stopped doing that. (1)

Leomania (137289) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308665)

For me it was Tribes 1, my first serious foray into online multi-player gaming. Evenings and weekends, and the wife got tired of it. The solution was to stop playing as much, and that's just the way it goes. Like the other poster said, adulthood beckons... can't have it all, gotta decide what matters.

I made the right choice, and it wasn't that hard in all honesty.

- Leo

Adapt (2, Interesting)

Ragnarr (555058) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308674)


As a recent newlywed (ok it's almost 1 year..:)), I would suggest talking it out with the SO. In counseling classes, they caught us that communication is the best way to solve a dispute. Ask your SO to voice her issue, such as "Your is making me feel . What can we do about it?" The importance is keeping the chain of communication open, otherwise your relationship is doomed.

Try writing this down on a sheet of paper, suggest possible solutions, and apply a strict timeline for implementation. This "contract" gives you distinct goals, for instance in your case you could suggest that gaming will occur on Sundays and Tuesdays, while the rest of the time is hers. It will provide you an amicable way to solve your SO problems, while showing to her that you are dedicated to the relationship and willing to adjust to her needs. However, remember you can do the same back if she has any annoying habits. I should probably sit down with my wife about the rinsing of dishes.... Anyways, as the guy married for 15 years said, it's all about sacrifices.

I play Desert Combat, and let me tell you I don't play nearly as much as I wish I could :). However, sometimes it is better to sit down and talk about what happened in the paper than risk the wrath of your SO being angry :).

Good luck!!! Good luck!

Always make time for the SO (1)

nukem996 (624036) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308679)

If your "SO" really is your SO you will always make time for them no matter what. I love playing Quake ET CoD(infact my gf got me that) but I love her more so I make time for her. Sometimes ill play while talking on the phone with her or chatting on my laptop while playing on my desktop.

Meh (1, Flamebait)

stratjakt (596332) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308681)

I play games all the time, my wife has no problem with it. She knew when we met that I was into collecting and playing video games. Just like I knew she was into collecting shoes.

Of course I never say "I'm not going to your sisters wedding with you, I'm waiting for a Black Dragon to spawn so I can get more experience points!"

But I sit in my room playing whatever game I'm into, she sits in the living room watching reruns of shitty sitcoms. We meet in the bedroom. It's win-win.

You're just married to a bitch. It really is that simple.

Just remind her that plenty of guys prefer to get drunk and beat their wives in their downtime. She may see it different then.

Solution (2, Interesting)

KaiserZoze_860 (714450) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308690)

I put my "office" with my gameing gear in the living room where my gf watches excessive amounts of Friends, Sex and the City, et al. So now "together time" means she's watching TV without me gripeing and me playing without her gripeing. Yay. -KS

This is so obvious (1)

SiO2 (124860) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308691)

I advise you to dump your current lady friend and find a geek girl who is into gaming and technology. ;) They seem to be a rare breed of woman, but they are out there.

I married a geek girl. She tolerates and sometimes even encourages gaming on our LAN or online, impulse tech purchases, etc. Most of our Valentine's Day presents to each other tend to come from thinkgeek.

Maybe I was just lucky.


Horse, then Cart... (1)

Telastyn (206146) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308698)

Hey, I play more games than anyone I know. Being a gamer is just like any other personal trait, you're pretty much stuck with it. So why expect yourself to change [or worse yet, expect to "change" your SO]? Find someone who's accepting of you, and everything that goes with it. Even being a gamer.

I've been there. (1)

PaleBoy (564594) | more than 10 years ago | (#9308704)

Games are great. Games aren't just for boys. You've heard of multiplayer, yes?

My girlfriend really dug Animal Crossing on the Gamecube. Not too surprising, I guess. BUT, now she is a Star Wars Galaxies junkie. And she hasn't even seen Star Wars!

You just have to show patience and openness, and let your SO find "the geek within". As for me, I'm building another box, so that we can both login to SWG together, and hunt Ewoks, hand in hand.

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