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fp (-1, Offtopic)

Saturn SL1-WNY (807134) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072879)

GNAA claims responsibility for Momfuck virus.
By Horatio Brunswick

New York, NY - GNAA (Gay Nigger Association of America) The GNAA today claimed responsibility for the release of the devastating trojan Momfuck.1o1, which has caused an estimated 486 billion dollars US in lost productivity and unread penis enlargement offers.

In a drastic escalation of their widely criticized christmas island bombing campaign which has killed thousands of defenceless CI natives, the GNAA made vague threats last week in a "first post" on slashdot.org, a popular "news for trolls" website. In the post (not published here due to profanity and ascii nudity) the GNAA threatened the "Destruction of all internet" if net martyr http://www.goatse.cx was not immediately reinstated. Initally dismissed by self proclaimed security experts Cowboykneel and Linux Toreballs as a childish lark, the world was totally unprepared for the storm to come.

Momfuck.lol exploits three vulnerabilities within Linux's UPnP implementation: a remotely exploitable buffer overflow that allows an attacker gain SYSTEM level access to any default installation of Linux, a Denial of Service (DoS) attack, and a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attack. Within hours of release, every backbone in the country had become infected with the virus, bringing the internet to a crashing halt. The DHS announced an orange alert when the virus spread to even such such remote non-countries as Canada and England, becomming a worldwide computer epidemic. The sequence of events that followed was devastating. ATMs in several states began routing funds from caucasian bank accounts into a GNAA controlled cayman islands account. Traffic lights in all major metropolitan areas malfunctioned, displaying pink rather than the standard red yellow and green configuration, causing unprecedented accidents and traffic delays. Radio stations ceased transmitting their standard programming and began a round the clock broadcast of a bootleg of the Village People's "YMCA" which was altered to "GNAA." Perhaps most horrifyingly, The FOX network's LOL sunday programming lineup was interrupted, and replaced by a graphic video of two men having anal sex, backed by the lyrics "Boom I got your boyfriend".


The FBI has fallen under heavy criticism for their failure to respond to the threat of the GNAA. The general public seems uwilling to accept their claims that the post was below their current threshold. The FBI's top cyber-security unit warned consumers and corporations Friday night to take new steps beyond those recommended by SCO Corp. to protect against hackers who might try to attack major flaws discovered in the newest version of Linux software, or to get a life, faggots. FBI Department head John Asscrotch is expected to resign in disgrace shortly.

What follows is a transcript of an actual internet relay chat conversation, with two individuals who seem to have been infected by momfuck.lol. It is my hope that this will help computer users to recognize and avoid the virus if encountered.


* Now talking in #eurotekken
* Topic is 'http://www.tekkenzaibatsu.com/forums/showthread.p hp?s=&postid=1527925#post1527925 : everyone give your 0.00c'
* Set by SirCane on Tue Apr 06 15:57:26
<l0de> "Mom, I can't sleep would you mind if I get in bed with you?
<l0de> I have virus!
<l0de> She was wearing a baby doll semi-see through nightie, and was embarrassed to let me in bed with her.
<subt-L> haha.. this is a fucking crazy virus..
<l0de> I can't type this fast!
<l0de> However she remembered how I had let her sleep with me when she needed to.
<l0de> Oh my god.
<l0de> "Sure John, it's a big bed," she said in an uncertain tone.
<l0de> "Mom, would you mind if I snuggle a little with you.
<l0de> I just feel kind of sad tonight, I need you close to me."
<l0de> I said; without waiting for an answer I pulled her tight against me.
<l0de> I kept grinding my crotch into her ass trying to get comfortable.
<Exygone> LOL, random flag in between
<l0de> My hands crept up to her breasts and began playing with them, lazily at first.
<Exygone> too good
<l0de> "John... JOHN what are you doing?
<l0de> This is giving me such a headache! I have to go to school in 3 hours and my term paper is not saved!
<subt-L> this is fucking insane..
<l0de> Stop that and go to sleep."
<subt-L> haha
<l0de> But I could not stop.
<neoKEN> jewish hacker. ho ho ho
<l0de> I pulled her nightie up and wet my finger.
<l0de> I then stuck it into her slightly moist pussy.
<l0de> "John listen to me, stop right now.
<l0de> This has to stop.
<neoKEN> go into command prompt
<l0de> You are my son, and we can't do this.
<Exygone> there it is again
<l0de> Please John don't do this to me."
<Exygone> hahaha
<neoKEN> type NETSTAT -o
<subt-L> don't click on irc links..
<l0de> I did stop then and sat up next to her.
<l0de> I pulled her into my lap and cupped her breasts in my hands while licking her ear.
<l0de> "Susan honey, we need to talk, we need to finish this.
<l0de> I told you a long time ago that I love you, that I need you.
<subt-L> good lesson to learn.
<l0de> I want to possess you utterly.
<l0de> I want you to give me your body, to make love to me.
<l0de> I have a tape mom.
<neoKEN> it will show u all the connection on your computer
<l0de> A tape of you raping me.
<l0de> I could blackmail you, send you to jail.
<l0de> neoken- I will never click another link again
<l0de> But that does not get me what I want.
<l0de> I don't just want you on Christmas, I don't want stolen kisses, or the occasional snuggle.
<neoKEN> save that in notepad.
<l0de> I want you to want me.
<l0de> To be hot and wild and passionate, and completely in love with me.
<l0de> I want to have the right to grab you and fuck you anytime I want, just like dad did.
<neoKEN> u will find your hacker :P
<l0de> I want to wake up to find you sucking on my cock just because you feel like it.
<l0de> Mom can you honestly say you don't want that too?
<l0de> Oh my god. NEoken, I hit start menu but it's not popping up!
<l0de> Can you honestly say that you can bear to have me walk out of your life forever?
<l0de> Because that is what I would have to do.
<c0m> so umm why doesnt someone kick dis do0d
<l0de> You are the woman I love, the only woman I have ever made love to.
<l0de> If I can't have you, I will have to go.
<l0de> All buttons on quicklaunch don't work
<l0de> If I am near you, I have to fuck you.
<l0de> It is as simple as that," I said as I wrote my name on her breasts with my finger.
<l0de> She was crying now, and I could smell her juices beginning to boil and drip out her pussy.
<insanelee> whoever bans this guy
<insanelee> i'm gonna ban you
<neoKEN> c0m: some people enjoy reading it. lol
<l0de> She laid back against my chest and I wrapped her in my arms.
<Exygone> c0m - because insanelee is reading the story
<subt-L> he
<l0de> "I don't want to lose you, I, I know that you are more than just a son to me.
<l0de> I am so scared though.
<l0de> Wanting you this way is wrong.
<l0de> I am your mother.
<l0de> I should not let you play with my tits, I should not want you to lick my pussy, or need you to fuck my ass but for some sick reason I do.
<l0de> I know I can't allow you to fuck me, I can't let you put that big slab of cock-meat inside me.
<l0de> If I do that, there is no turning back, you will own me.
<l0de> thank u insanelee
<insanelee> i like the panic in lodes voice/msgs also
<l0de> I will become addicted to your dick.
<l0de> Oh god, what am I going to do.
<subt-L> this is sick... i think i want people to get this virus.
<Exygone> looool
<l0de> I love you John, but it is still wrong!"
<l0de> We laid that way for a long time, just holding on to each other.
<neoKEN> doesn't matter to me. i don't read #eurotekken chatlog. am not a tekken bum. lol
<l0de> My hard on was peeking up between her thighs.
<l0de> Finally I came up with a solution.
<l0de> "Mom I understand that our relationship is not normal, but it is not WRONG either.
<l0de> Making love to you could never be wrong.
<l0de> I love you and I want to show you how much.
<l0de> Susan, it's Christmas.
<l0de> Let me have you this one time.
<l0de> Make love to me, be greedy, teach me how to please you.
<insanelee> why are you thankikng me
<l0de> Make me fuck you right.
<l0de> We owe it to ourselves to try it at least once.
<l0de> You are All I want for Christmas, all I have ever wanted."
<insanelee> you are just an investment
<Exygone> lol
<insanelee> i need your stories
<l0de> Susan was quiet for a few seconds and then she slowly nodded her head.
<Exygone> an asset
<l0de> Her hands were trembling as she smiled up at me and said yes.
<l0de> I was so happy, that I crushed her against me and said over and over, "I love you baby, I am going to be so good to you, I love you mom," while kissing and hugging her.
<Exygone> in lee's masterplan
<l0de> insane- if I get banned I may never get help
<l0de> Our kisses slowly began to deepen, she was on top of me straddling my waist.
<insanelee> lol
<l0de> Her breasts were brushing against my chest and my cock was laying against her ass.
<subt-L> is it repeating? or is it still going original?
<l0de> I was licking her lips, sucking on them when her pretty, pink little tongue flicked out to meet mine.
<l0de> I sucked her into my mouth and we both let out a little sigh of happiness.
<l0de> jesus, how can I launch command prompt?
<l0de> Susan began crawling down my stomach, stopping briefly to lick my belly button clean.
<l0de> Then she began playing with my cock, rubbing it against her face, eyes, nose, sniffing and then licking and sucking it into her mouth.
<l0de> It was amazing to watch.
<l0de> My mother was overcome by a wave of pure dick-lust as she began to swallow my cock.
<insanelee> ask neoKEN
<l0de> I don't know how big my dad's cock was, but he must have been my size or bigger, cuz my mom swallowed my fat 8 incher like an old pro.
<l0de> She kept looking me right in the eye, with this wicked little grin on her face, daring me to fuck her properly.
<insanelee> i am just readin
<l0de> I did.
<subt-L> dick-lust!
<l0de> I began to ram it down her throat, we established a good rhythm.
<subt-L> hahaha
<l0de> She breathed through her nose and every 20 seconds or so I would pull out and let her lick and massage my knob (and breathe), before plunging back in.
<Exygone> lmao
<l0de> "Cum on my face baby, cum all over your mother's face," she said between slurps, and squeezes and soft, slow, sucks.
<l0de> I could not help it, she was sucking the sperm right out of me.
<l0de> I grabbed Susan's head and pulled it tight against my crotch.
<neoKEN> i don't know any other shortcuts to the command prompt other than the start menu
<l0de> I held her in place as I powerfucked her throat.
<neoKEN> ask M$
<l0de> Precum was bubbling out of me and I could hear it gurgling in her mouth.
<l0de> My balls were twitching and jerking hard now and I felt the sperm swimming their way to the head of my cock.
<l0de> "You want my sperm mom, you want some stinky-sticky?
<l0de> Take it you beautiful little slut, take your son's cum!"
<l0de> I bellowed as I shot the first load down her throat.
<insanelee> this is sick
<l0de> I remembered that she wanted some on her face too; so I pulled out and pressed my spurting cock against her nostril and shot it up her nose.
<neoKEN> comamnd prompt should be an emergency shortcut
<l0de> I had one or two dribbles left so I placed my cock on each of her eyelids and let er rip.
<l0de> Mom was a little surprised...
<c0m> this is gay\
<l0de> but she did not complain.
<l0de> I don't know if I can explain how sexy my mom looked.
<insanelee> 'cum all over your mothers face'
<l0de> My cum was in her belly, a little drop was hanging from the corner of her mouth.
<l0de> Her nose was dripping my cum, and her eyes were crusting over with it.
<l0de> (Guys try it with your girlfriend tonight, it is fucking amazing!)
<l0de> I wanted to rest for a few minutes, but I could not.
<insanelee> com shut up he needs help
<l0de> neoken- yeah, Itried ctrl alt delete but it doesn't work!
<l0de> My mom was obviously very horny and it would not have been polite to leave her hanging.
<l0de> We switched positions and I settled in for a long, slow lick.
<l0de> I may not have a lot of experience in some aspects of sex.
<l0de> Technically I am still a virgin, I guess, since mom has never let me fuck her pussy.
* c0m sets mode: +m
<c0m> yep
<subt-L> oh,,
<subt-L> ouch...
<subt-L> ...
<insanelee> ay
<insanelee> AY
<c0m> ok
<neoKEN> then he cums on her face. THE END
<c0m> lol
<Exygone> Lol
<insanelee> he stopped
<subt-L> haha
<subt-L> story time is over.
<insanelee> what the hell is this
* l0de is now known as helpplz
<insanelee> WHAT HAPPEN TO MY STORIES
<c0m> im sorry it was pretty annoying
* helpplz is now known as l0de
<subt-L> l0de didn't even get kicked.
<insanelee> yea
<insanelee> it just stopped
<insanelee> you didn't even kick him dummy
<neoKEN> sadly i haven't read anything this well written in a long time. lol
* c0m is not a dummy
* insanelee sets mode: -bb l0de!*l0de@
<neoKEN> heh, i need to read some books.
<Exygone> this guy is funny
<insanelee> bring him baaaaaaaaaaaaack
<insanelee> i want my stories
<neoKEN> exy: hahahhaha
<subt-L> that was pretty hilarious.
<insanelee> it was all a joke
<insanelee> damn it guys
<insanelee> why ruin a good thing
<c0m> its fucking annoying
* l0de is now known as cantchat
* cantchat is now known as halp
<insanelee> com
<Exygone> ;p;
<Exygone> lol
* halp is now known as l0de
<insanelee> then get the fuck out
<insanelee> pfft
<c0m> stfu bronson you get the fuck out
<c0m> you never come here
<Exygone> WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
* insanelee sets mode: +b *!*c0m@
<c0m> anyway
<Exygone> lol
* c0m was kicked by insanelee (i'm elitist)
Disconnected
* Attempting to rejoin channel #eurotekken
* Rejoined channel #eurotekken
* Topic is 'http://www.tekkenzaibatsu.com/forums/showthread.p hp?s=&postid=1527925#post1527925 : everyone give your 0.00c'
* Set by SirCane!SirCane@
<l0de> Yhbt yhl
<c0m> well i could care either way
<l0de> HAND
<l0de> (^o^)b
/part


Horatio Brunswick, GNAA, signing off.

GNAA radio every week, midnight CST fridays! #gnaa for details!

About GNAA:
GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the first organization which
gathers GAY NIGGERS from all over America and abroad for one common goal - being GAY NIGGERS.

Are you GAY [klerck.org] ?
Are you a NIGGER [mugshots.org] ?
Are you a GAY NIGGER [gay-sex-access.com] ?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) might be exactly what you've been looking for!
Join GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a full-time GNAA member.
GNAA (GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA) is the fastest-growing GAY NIGGER community with THOUSANDS of members all over United States of America. You, too, can be a part of GNAA if you join today!

Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!

First, you have to obtain a copy of GAY NIGGERS FROM OUTER SPACE THE MOVIE [imdb.com] and watch it. (You can download the movie (~280mb) using BitTorrent, by clicking here [idge.net] .

Second, you need to succeed in posting a GNAA "first post" on slashdot.org [slashdot.org] , a popular "news for trolls" website

Third, you need to join the official GNAA irc channel #GNAA on irc.gnaa.us, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the ops or any of the other members in the channel to sign up today!

If you are having trouble locating #GNAA, the official GAY NIGGER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA irc channel, you might be on a wrong irc network. The correct network is Niggernet, and you can connect to irc.gnaa.us as our official server. If you do not have an IRC client handy, you are free to use the GNAA Java IRC client by clicking here [nero-online.org] .


If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.

________________________________________________
| ______________________________________._a,____ |
| _______a_._______a_______aj#0s_____aWY!400.___ |
| __ad#7!!*P____a.d#0a____#!-_#0i___.#!__W#0#___ |
| _j#'_.00#,___4#dP_"#,__j#,__0#Wi___*00P!_"#L,_ |
| _"#ga#9!01___"#01__40,_"4Lj#!_4#g_________"01_ |
| ________"#,___*@`__-N#____`___-!^_____________ |
| _________#1__________?________________________ |
| _________j1___________________________________ |
| ____a,___jk_GAY_NIGGER_ASSOCIATION_OF_AMERICA_ |
| ____!4yaa#l___________________________________ |
| ______-"!^____________________________________ | (c) GNAA 2003, 2004 [idge.net]
` _______________________________________________'

nonymouse frosty one (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072885)

Arkansas sucks.

First post? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072886)

Hey Saturn, did I pwn you or what?

/. worthy? (3, Interesting)

wo1verin3 (473094) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072888)

This is a product that was intended for use on Windows, they obviously couldn't get it working on Windows. Don't start blaming MS for this one...

That aside, any coincedence that the vice president and chief technology officer of HP is named Tony Redmond? :) j/k

Re:/. worthy? (4, Funny)

Handpaper (566373) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072913)

Confused me, too:
'"we don't own Windows," Redmond says.'
WTF?

Re:/. worthy? (-1, Redundant)

LostCluster (625375) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072965)

Read the whole article... The use of "Redmond" in that quote and throughout that artlce refers to "Tony Redmond, vice president and chief technology officer of HP"... not some nameless Microsoft employee in Redmond, WA.

HP is very friend of M$, TuXeRS dont buy HP's PCs! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073188)

HP = Hoxymoron Porn.

As much 101 virii for a day = "uncontrollable porn".

Re:/. worthy? (2, Insightful)

MikeMacK (788889) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072945)

I blame them only in so much as the REASON HP couldn't get it to work was because Windows is a closed, proprietary OS. You would think that MS would WANT stuff like this to work on Windows with their "Trustworthy Computing" initiative.

Re:/. worthy? (0)

KarmaMB84 (743001) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072989)

Isn't HP's UNIX also closed?

Re:/. worthy? (2, Insightful)

kaschei (701750) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073022)

A fair point ideologically, but on the other hand, whose closed operating system is both flawed and popular enough to let those flaws cause massive monetary damage to other networks?

Re:/. worthy? (4, Funny)

jdhutchins (559010) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073027)

Yes, HP's Unix may be closed, but seeing as how HP is developing this, they just might be able to get a hold of the source for their own operating system.

Re:/. worthy? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073068)

Yeah, I'm sure HP isn't involved in the MS shared source program at all...

Re:/. worthy? (4, Interesting)

The Bungi (221687) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073040)

Really? That's funny. I have this thing, you know, a software firewall? It intercepts every single network call (heck, it will even plug the loopback if you tell it to) and it works fine, 100% of the time. If it can pop up a dialog asking me if I want ApplicationX to contact a given domain (or IP address) I figure it could also throttle the connection. Any connection.

I'm pretty sure the people who wrote Tiny Personal Firewall didn't have access to the Windows source code.

So enlighten me again - what does this have to do with Windows being a "closed proprietary OS" again?

And BTW, this is something already built into XP, as you can tell from the many comments in this article.

Re:/. worthy? (3, Interesting)

gbjbaanb (229885) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072963)

The technology notices changes in host machine behavior, which indicates a virus infection. It then chokes off the attack by limiting the frequency of outbound communications from the host machine to "throttle" communications with other hosts on the network

yeah? So HP is saying they can't get it to run on Windows because they can't alter the networking code? WTF? Have they never heard of firewalls, that happily block network connections, even on Windows.

Perhaps they've altered the HP network stack so that if you make a connection, it is held until the flurry of connection attempts are reduced. Somwthing that is not likely if you're infected with a worm; so maybe it delays the connect attempt for a short amount of time - big deal if you're infected as the connection will succeed eventually. Could this be the real reason why it's been shelved - it doesn't work to actually do much of anything?

I really don't understand why this is such a 'Windows is rubbish' and not a 'HP programmers don't understand how to code properly' story.

oh, except usual slashdot bias. Silly me, I forgot that for a moment.

You fail it! RTFA (4, Informative)

temojen (678985) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073031)

No.

HP got it to work on Linux and HPUX, but didn't have the source to Windows XP, and so couldn't implement it for windows.

Someone else asks if they've ever heard of firewalls, but this technology is intended to stop worms once they're inside your lan.

Re:You fail it! RTFA (1, Informative)

TheSunborn (68004) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073069)

Zonealarm don't have any problem with blocking connections from the inside. It really don't require access to the source of windows.

Does ZoneAlarm limit the number of (1)

b00m3rang (682108) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073104)

outbound connections per second? No, it doesn't, does it? That why they didn't just invent ZoneAlarm. It's not doing the same thing. Pretty obvious, really.

Re:/. worthy? (2, Funny)

FlutterVertigo(gmail (800106) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073076)

shhhhhhhhhhhhh
pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

The longer reason is because it isn't compatible with Windows [and Linux doesn't need it].


______________________________________
My Trunk Monkey can beat up your Trunk Monkey.
http://www.suburbanautogroup.com/ford/trunkmonkey. html

Yes, it is. For several reasons. (2, Informative)

Roadkills-R-Us (122219) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073119)

Did you read the article? They had it working on Linux and HPUX! So it wasn't just intended for Windows.

Next, so what? Whether you can "blame" MS or not has nothing to do with /.worthiness.

My favproite quote was ``"...we don't own Windws'', says Redmond.''

My next favorite:
``Virus Throttling only springs into action after a virus has penetrated an organization's network, which made it "more difficult to sell," he says.''

It's not a hard sell to a company that's just been brought to its knees! I was at [nevermind whom] when one of the major virii hit in 2001 (CodeRed? I forget). The network was literally unavailable for at least a day and a half, and this company's bloodstream was its network. If HP had walked in with Virus Throttler, they could have named about any price.

At least, if it worked with Windows. 8^(

That was the one time it didn't help much to have a non-Win system (we had plenty of Solaris, and some Linux and Mac systems). Because two many of us had the mandated Windows box. Even though everyone in my group was effectively immune, having turned off all the extra crap... But having a Solaris server did help; our group's SA put up a DNS server and a few other things, and we limped along better than most.

I get it. (5, Funny)

Alcimedes (398213) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072889)

So it throttles Windows in general, thereby slowing the spread of viruses! I like it!

Take out Windows, and you take out the problem. Go HP!

Re:I get it. (2, Funny)

A_Non_Moose (413034) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072960)

So it throttles Windows in general, thereby slowing the spread of viruses! I like it!

It could be vaporware, but there are things that exist currently that do the same thing:

Seti@home, Folding@home, Slashdotting, and Windowsupdate during a scare...for instance.

Heck, even I've done it...of course the switch misconfiguration was a coincidence. :P

Need more details... (5, Insightful)

Nos. (179609) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072898)

I'd like to know what the problems are with Windows machines. If you're router/gateway/firewall is limiting outgoing connections, your OS should be able to handle it. Even if it does cause problems, how often does the throttle kick in where there isn't a worm/virus present on the host machine? If this false positive rate is low enough then I'd implement it anyways.

Re:Need more details... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073149)

I assumed it has something to do with windows file sharing. checkout http://isc.sans.org/large_map.php? [sans.org] and look at ports 135 and 445.

Remember how you could kill a windows^H^H^H^H^H^H network by setting up your own Primary Domain Controller... AFAIK SMB involves lots and lots of short messages, and many many more calls to xxx.xxx.xxx.255

My favorite quote.... (5, Funny)

Megaslow (694447) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072899)

...because "we don't own Windows," Redmond says.

Re:My favorite quote.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072961)

That's good, because SP2 on windows already does this...maybe MS stole it from HP?

Re:My favorite quote.... (1)

Spudley (171066) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072964)

Hmm... yes. You'd think HP would have seen that coming, and picked someone else as their spokesman.

(...unless it was deliberate, of course...?)

It's funny when (2, Funny)

dysprosia (661648) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072900)

It's funny when you read a sentence like
"we don't own Windows," Redmond says. and do a double take, thinking it's coming from Microsoft...

Re:It's funny when (2, Insightful)

tiger99 (725715) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073093)

They don't own Windows, it is a generic term in trademark law in any civilised English-speaking country.

And yes, the juxtaposition of the unfortunate person's name is very funny.

Linux? (1)

emidln (806452) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072903)

I didn't RTFA, but did they by any chance "invent" Linux or some other Unix system? It seems to me that the permissions thing in Linux would stop worms cold.

Re:Linux? (1)

Wapiti-eater (759089) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072923)

No, their new tech requires changes to the OS they couldn't impliment in Windows - cuz they "don't own Windows".

Wow, the eptiome of techno-lazy. Not only did the OP post a question w/o RTFA, but I replied and gave the info a simple RoTFA would've provided.

Well done

What hath god wraught?

Re:Linux? (0, Troll)

Izago909 (637084) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072941)

Yes, they wrote it to run on HP-UX and Linux. They had problems porting it to Windows. As we all know, the virus/worm situation is primarily a Windows problem and how proliferate it is.

Interesting (2, Insightful)

CypherXero (798440) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072906)

This is a pretty interesting idea, I only wish I worked. Of course, the only thing that DOES work in Windows, is everything that you DON'T want to work, such as...you guessed it...viruses.

Impeccable logic… (4, Insightful)

Izago909 (637084) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072912)

It's not compatible with windows, so let's not even try getting MS to make newer versions compatible, or spend resources writing a virtual device driver. They argue that defense is better than treatment, but forget that a 2 pronged attack is better than pure defense. Even the best firewall and antivirus programs can be worked around. What happens when the next virus or worm comes out and antivirus and firewall manufacturers are caught with their pants down again? Do they plan on letting it spread freely until someone makes a removal tool?

Who said they didn't try? (1)

b00m3rang (682108) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073132)

The article didn't say anything to that effect. Maybe they did try, and Microsoft was uncooperative. Is it beyond the realm of possibility that Microsoft would be uncooperative in revamping their TCP/IP implementation?

why not? (4, Funny)

sometwo (53041) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072914)

If it has these bugs, why not release the program? Then the machines will BSOD and they'll stop spreading viruses. Goal achieved!

Anti-P2P Tool (5, Insightful)

SkunkAh (633183) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072926)

I'm afraid that this tool will also affect P2P tools which connect to many hosts every second aswell. Novice users will stop using P2P cause they don't understand why it isn't working.

Re:Anti-P2P Tool (3, Insightful)

Izago909 (637084) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073011)

Novice users will stop using P2P cause they don't understand why it isn't working.

Many of the problems of p2p stem from novice users. I really don't care if there are a few thousand less people spreading the latest teeny-bop tracks or infected files.

Re:Anti-P2P Tool (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073035)

umm wrong, if that were true every home user that upgraded/(s) to SP2 which has this already would quit p2p....funny thing..there's a patch for tcpip.sys to fix this..

Re:Anti-P2P Tool (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073045)

Some games as well (eg: Unreal Tournament / Doom 3). No server queries for you!

(to join a game, many servers are quickly polled to find an empty slot).

Not necessarily (2, Informative)

b00m3rang (682108) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073160)

It detects /changes/ in the traffic patterns. If your computer sends thousands of packets per second to port 6346, it can probably identify that as your usual traffic. If you suddenly start sending millions of packets to port 25 on various machines, that's out of the ordinary and can be throttled.

Microsoft's fault? More like the almighty buck's.. (4, Insightful)

LostCluster (625375) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072934)

From the article...
Virus Throttler slows the spread of virus and worm attacks by limiting the network destinations that a virus-infected computer can attempt to connect to each second, according to HP.

Wait a second. This doesn't really protect internal networks as much as it protects the Internet from your-machine-gone-mad. That is to say, this product's operation assumes your anti-virus security measures have already failed you, and you've got a server making attack attempts outbound on the world at large. This would kick in and shut down that server's attempted attacks.

That'd be a great thing for all of us to be running to be good citizens of the Internet... but who'd buy such a thing? Afterall, you have to admit that your existing security products may occasionally fail you before you can even start to explain what this thing will do. And, after such a failure, you're already 0wned. So, you really have nothing internal left to protect at that point, and all there is to protect is the outside world. If your IT house is already on fire, it's sure nice to want to protect the neighborhood, but who's going to pay for that in advance?

Pointing to the fact that this would require some changes to Windows is a nice excuse, but anybody can get Microsoft to do anything when they come equipped with a truckload of money. I think the realization that people would run this if it was free, but no business in their right mind is going to buy it. I think HP realized that, and that's why they spiked this product. HP, afterall, is a business and can't afford to spend too much money on a research project that isn't going to lead to a profitable product.

I wonder if there are any academic groups working on similar projects who might be able to finish the work on this one...

Re:Microsoft's fault? More like the almighty buck' (4, Insightful)

gbjbaanb (229885) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073007)

true - it protects the internet at large from you. By limiting the number of connection attempts per second.

So, once you're infected, your server fails to spread at a rate of 10,000 connection attempts per second, instead it spreads slowly, maybe 100 attempts per second? Would this actually do anything besides give your sysadmins a few extra seconds to patch your system?

Wouldn't it be better to block the connection attempts instead, like with an outbound firewall? Maybe stop the app that was trying to connect unless authorised by the user (eg a P2P app)?

Re:Microsoft's fault? More like the almighty buck' (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073057)

SP2 for XP already has this functionality built in...and yes..its more about protecting OTHER machines from you.

Re:Microsoft's fault? More like the almighty buck' (1)

temojen (678985) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073101)

And, after such a failure, you're already 0wned. So, you really have nothing internal left to protect at that point, and all there is to protect is the outside world. If your IT house is already on fire, it's sure nice to want to protect the neighborhood, but who's going to pay for that in advance?

Well, maybe only one machine on your LAN has been infected yet and you don't want them all to be.

Re:Microsoft's fault? More like the almighty buck' (1)

xsupergr0verx (758121) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073126)

Well, maybe only one machine on your LAN has been infected yet and you don't want them all to be.

That's where you pull the plug on the other machines and then kill your infection before you plug the others in.

Redmond/HP says... (1)

Gorath99 (746654) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072937)

What a fantastically creative author that article has. To end every other paragraph with "Redmond/HP says"... Sheer brilliance. If only Shakespeare had thought of that.

Re:Redmond/HP says... (3, Insightful)

LostCluster (625375) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072979)

Can anybody find the HP press release that clearly has to be the primary source behind the report? Having nearly every paragraph's main body be a quote attributed to the same source is the tell-tale sign that the report was based on information from a single source...

In other news..... (5, Insightful)

Concrete Nomad (777836) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072938)

In other news a cure for cancer and AIDS is quietly being shelved. The medical wonder has incompatibilities with most HMOs . Maybe I just don't see the point or perhaps the technology really wasn't all that good.

Re:In other news..... (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073089)

Virii = Gay Virus?
Virii = Lesbian Virus?
Virii = Transexual Virus?
Virii = Travesti Virus?

aaAAASSSSSssssss!!!!!

Wait just a minute... (5, Informative)

... James ... (33917) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072946)

Microsoft introduced similar functionality in Windows XP SP2:

Limited number of simultaneous incomplete outbound TCP connection attempts
Detailed description

The TCP/IP stack now limits the number of simultaneous incomplete outbound TCP connection attempts. After the limit has been reached, subsequent connection attempts are put in a queue and will be resolved at a fixed rate. Under normal operation, when applications are connecting to available hosts at valid IP addresses, no connection rate-limiting will occur. When it does occur, a new event, with ID 4226, appears in the system's event log.

Re:Wait just a minute... (1)

ajs (35943) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073053)

And can you still gain access to a raw socket and construct your own session? If so, this will stop VB-viruses from propagating (maybe), but nothing more sophisticated, which presumably will simply drop down to raw packet construction.

Re:Wait just a minute... (2, Insightful)

shird (566377) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073128)

No you cant actually, or at least not tcp packets. Of course you could install a packet driver and bypass tcpip.sys altogether, but that usually involves admin access, restarting etc.

How does that troll rate a 2? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072948)

I'd give that rant a solid rating of 1/2 but somebody shot that half out of his brain. And away we go...

Let the arguments about the use of 'virii' begin (0, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072949)

'I think I have some virii on my boxen, and it's affecting my NIC card's performance. Now I can't connect to the internet!'

Or they couldn't get it to work.... (5, Funny)

Numen (244707) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072955)

I can just see me telling my boss...

Me: "I had to shelve the clients project, sorry."
Boss: "Why?!"
Me: "Incompatabilities with Windows."

My arse.

You dumbfuck (2, Informative)

b00m3rang (682108) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073184)

Let's see you reverse engineer Windows to the point where your program can integrate seamlessly and reliably with the OS kernel and the networking stacks without any documentation or help from Microsoft.

You think you're cute, but you're not.

Why am I not surprised? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072958)

Anything designed to prevent the spread of bloated, malicious, performance-killing programs would have to be incompatible with Windows.

Sounds like something already in SP2. (3, Insightful)

keiferb (267153) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072962)

SP2, from what I understand, limits the number of outgoing connections a PC can make. Could it be that HP was just a bit too slow to market on this one? Why pay for a product that does something your OS is about to start doing for free?

Viruses vs virii (4, Informative)

leathered (780018) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072966)

Can we settle this once and for all?

Virii is not a word in the English language; or any other language as far as I know.

I recommend correctional facilities for those using the word 'virii'.

Re:Viruses vs virii (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073044)

are you a fucking retard or something. English is a LIVING language. It changes. If everyone and their grandmother is using virii, that makes it correct. English is an artificial construct developed by various societies over the years to communicate. There is no magical and ultimately correct form of English. I recommend correctinal facilities for those that think English is a static language.

put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Now awaiting the downward modding because my language was too harsh. Or is there a mod with half a brain out there?

Re:Viruses vs virii (1, Interesting)

shawn(at)fsu (447153) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073099)

How many people use the word ain't?
How many people use alot?

Just because many poeple use the word doesn't make it proper and all my English teachers have proven this to me when they used to take points away from my papers for using words that were infact not words.

IMHO virii is a word construted by nerds here at /. to make themsleve appear smarter than the average person., but like I said thats just IMHO

Re:Viruses vs virii (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073176)

English may not be static, but that doesn't mean every moronic new word gets to go in the dictionary either.

Re:Viruses vs virii (1)

Zocalo (252965) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073134)

I don't know your education, but in mine learning the difference between a worm and a caterpillar came a good few years before any option of learning Latin. If the choice of the brand new icon for articles involving worms is anything to go by, I doubt we are going to be seeing accurate Latin in stories anytime soon... ;)

Not just HP.... (3, Informative)

XavierItzmann (687234) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072969)

Though Apple has apparently designed a great OS for slowing the spread/proliferation of virii and reducing the impact of DoS attacks, it's all being shelved due to Windows IT staff job security.

This is what today's Wall Street Journal said:
So how can you get rid of spyware and how can you avoid it in the first place? One nearly surefire cure is to dump your Windows machine and buy an Apple Macintosh.
http://ptech.wsj.com/archive/report-200408.html [wsj.com]

Re:Not just HP.... (0)

Izago909 (637084) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073046)

Yes, because security through obscurity works so well for Apple. Now, as soon as you see Apple with the market share of the Windows desktop you are going to see a boom in spyware, popups, viruses, and worms for the Mac. Say what you want about it being based on BSD, the only secure box is one that's unplugged.

Of course (1)

b00m3rang (682108) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073203)

How could I be so blind? An OS which has no concept of permissions, where everything runs with superuser permissions couldn't possibly be more secure than one with rigid constraints on which processes can access what. The old 'market share' argument is a weak one.

Maybe nobody knows this (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10072980)

But SP2 for Windows XP already has this technology or something very similar to it built in. WAIT A MINUTE?! Linux DOESN'T have this tech. but Windows does?!?! Granted, there is obviously less need for it on linux machines.....NOW...but I'd feel safer if linux had it too.

Linux routers (1)

jmpvm (6160) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072981)

So ... Route all your outbound traffic through Linux routers with this tool installed?

The obvious (1)

ptaff (165113) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072982)

a great program for slowing the spread/proliferation of virii and reducing the impact of DoS attacks, it's all being shelved due to Windows incompatibilities.


So, they are starting their own GNU/Linux distribution?

Feel ready to own one or many Tux Stickers [ptaff.ca] ?

What is the plural of virus? (0, Redundant)

pmhudepo (595903) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072983)

viruses, according to http://dictionary.reference.com/help/faq/language/ v/virus.html

Uh oh... (1)

pyrrhonist (701154) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072987)

There's something amiss here:
HP got Virus Throttler to work well in its labs with products using operating systems like HP-UX and
Linux (news - web sites). However, the technology required changes to the way those operating systems run that HP couldn't duplicate on Windows systems, because "we don't own Windows," Redmond says.

Does that imply that HP thinks they own Linux? I think we just figured out their new strategy to generate revenue in the future.

Re:Uh oh... (2, Informative)

rusty0101 (565565) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073114)

Nope. It means HP feels that since Linux is Free Software (as in speach) and they do own HP-UX, they have every right to go through the Operating System source code, write and compile tht tools, utilities, and features they are interested in testing for both Linux and HP-UX, but they are unable to do the same for Windows, because Windows is neither their own product, nor is it an Open Source product that they can do these things with.

The Network stack portion of Windows may be based upon one of the BSD varients, and as a result HP could very possibly test their ideas on all of the BSD varients and see if it works there as well, but there is no assurance that such a change would be possible to roll into Windows as an updated dll for netwroking, or any other fix.

They are claiming to own HP-UX (and from my perspective there are welcome to keep it!) but they make no claims to owning Linux.

Since they are shelving this idea, I doubt that the patchs, or source they wrote for these updates will ever be made available to the Linux community. Then again, perhaps they all ready have been, and I just don't know it.

-Rusty

Re:Uh oh... (1)

tiger99 (725715) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073155)

HP know very well that they don't own Linux. It was simply a not very well put way of saying they can't change Windoze because they don't control the source, but they can change Linux, as indeed can anyone with a valid and sensible contribution to make.

I don't think there is the slightest danger of HP becoming the next SCOundrel, unless they want their share price to go the same way...... The SCOundrel strategy failed to generate revenue except from a few idiots who paid up, it would not have paid for one member of staff to be employed to collect the protection money. It was, and while SCO still exists, is simply a protection racket, and is self-defeating.

But I think that like IBM, HP will indeed generate revenue from Linux.

Microsoft actually made some efforts in SP2 (4, Informative)

Jugalator (259273) | more than 8 years ago | (#10072996)

Some changes to combat DDoS attacks:

- TCP data cannot be sent over raw sockets.
- UDP datagrams with invalid source addresses cannot be sent over raw sockets.

Some changes to combat worms:

- Updated TCP/IP stack to limit the number of simultaneous incomplete outbound TCP connection attempts. After the limit has been reached, subsequent connection attempts are put in a queue and will be resolved at a fixed rate. This only applies when connecting to unavailable hosts, for example worms like Sasser guessing where to spread to.

A good idea- implemented in the wrong place (1)

Marxist Hacker 42 (638312) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073014)

Shouldn't this be implemented at the switch or router? Thus making it impossible for the virus to disable (unless, of course, the computer being infected IS the router) and not requireing changes in workstation OSs?

/. needs a FAQ (0, Redundant)

shawn(at)fsu (447153) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073021)

I think we should have a FAQ for /. that has some of the most common misconceptions and that way when some one uses something that is wrong we just point to the FAQ.

So why don't we finally get this settled as I have seen it twice today. Am I correct when I say virii is not a word. At dictionary.com the plural for
virus [reference.com] is viruses [reference.com] .

VIRUSES (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073025)

STOP FUCKING SAYING VIRII.

Re:VIRUSES (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073066)

potatoe potato, calm the fuck down.

RE: VIRII (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073115)

VIRII!!! woot

Great.. (1)

manavendra (688020) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073026)

..perhaps one of those rare instances where the enabler technology (the OS in this case), has actually throttled innovation!

Open source it (4, Insightful)

Hoodsen (751434) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073049)

This seems like a good idea that they just couldn't get to work. If they're just going to shelve it and not make a penny anyway, how about releasing the source code and see what the community can do with it? HP makes the same amount of money on it either way ($0), but this way they can get open source brownie points and maybe start something that could be useful down the line.

Pre-emptive better than reactive? Sence when? (4, Interesting)

Derivin (635919) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073059)

First off, this is not a troll.
Im my experience it has always been easier to sell reactive solutions to DDoS, worms, and virii.

Working on OpenVision*SecureMAX and Securify(kerberos) back at OpenVision (bought by veritas, products sold to PlatniumGroup, then who knows where), we had a very very hard time selling our prevenative security software (for all the *nix platforms of the time and Windows NT). Everyone wanted virus removal software. Even when Satan was released, people didn't want to have an audit of which machines were vulnerable in the company.

I left the computer security buisness back in '97. At which point did it become easier to sell prevenative measures? Was it just this past year or two with all the outbreaks? Or did veritas make a huge mistake is selling off its aquired security products when it did?

So will Microsoft pick up the ball? (1)

erroneus (253617) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073097)

It was clear that the reason they couldn't make the technology work was because it required some changes to the core of various Windows operating systems. Will Microsoft make its own version of the technology?

If so, will they patent it? :)

I tend to think that the technology would be useful and should be implemented. Maybe HP can license the technology to Microsoft. Here's hopin'

Makes you wonder... (1)

VeryProfessional (805174) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073129)

However, the technology required changes to the way those operating systems run that HP couldn't duplicate on Windows systems, because "we don't own Windows"

Surely this could have been anticipated at the beginning of the project?

You are all missing the point of this software. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#10073181)

Virus Throttler is intended to alert the sysadmin to infected machines. Reducing the impact of the infection is useful, but not the only focus of the product.

Incompatible ? (1)

Lost Penguin (636359) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073198)

The whole reason it is incompatible is; it stops viruses, the most common Windows applications!

Besides, when was the last time you got an email telling you to su to root and run make install on this code!

HAH! (1)

Photar (5491) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073206)

See! I knew it they're in bed with the virus makers! And Halliburton too I bet!

Its not hard to find the connections, you just have to google them!

http://www.commondreams.org/news2004/0310-11.htm

Seriously, someone needs to make a game called 6 degrees of Halliburton. That would rock.

conflicts? (1)

eegad (588763) | more than 8 years ago | (#10073214)

After unveiling cutting-edge technology for choking off the spread of viruses in March, Hewlett-Packard is quietly shelving the project, citing conflicts with Microsoft's Windows operating system, a company executive says.

Wait... does the technology conflict with Windows? Or does choking off the spread of viruses conflict with Windows?

*ba-boom-ching*
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