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Funniest IT Related Boasts You've Heard?

Cliff posted more than 9 years ago | from the humorous-distraction-from-american-politics dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 490

Karma asks: "The other day I saw a Slashdot comment which read, '[Projects] don't start getting interesting until you are dealing with Staff Years to develop them. Anything under that and you can actually keep the full design in your head'. An immodest boast, but not too funny. This made me wonder, in the macho worlds of IT and developers, what are the funniest and silliest boasts or bragging claims you've made, or heard? Tell us how they came back to haunt the overconfident."

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My Roommate (4, Funny)

NotoriousQ (457789) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696678)

Yeah, I can write a raytracer in a single day. /He did. It was a looooong day.

Re:My Roommate (3, Funny)

NotoriousQ (457789) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696699)

Guess that should have been:

Yeah, I can get a first post.

Boast? (5, Funny)

Jeremiah Cornelius (137) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697154)

"I've been posting on Slashdot since before there was moderation, or even user accounts. No man, it's true! I even have a low, three-digit UID, to prove it. I swear, man!"

Re:Boast? (2, Funny)

MacJedi (173) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697362)


Re:Boast? (4, Insightful)

JabberWokky (19442) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697469)

Oh, gimmie a break - if so, then you know that they had a whole bunch of accounts that were deleted because they let their passwords get compromised. This is the second set of signups, and for those who waited to make sure that they had fixed the problem, we all have numbers at least above 10k.

Besides, it's clear you don't have a three digit UID. Bagdad Bob says so.


I am not a number (1)

790396 (790396) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697924)

Oh wait, indeed I am.

a looooong day (was Re:My Roommate) (5, Funny)

ion++ (134665) | more than 9 years ago | (#10698017)

Yeah, I can write a raytracer in a single day. /He did. It was a looooong day.

Of course it was a long day. A day is 86400 seconds, and a short can only hold 65536. Duh.

I have screwed up therefor I have learnt (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696686)

While this is true I am not sure it is a great boast to have :-)

Debug? Me? (5, Funny)

drkich (305460) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696707)

We have a person at our work place that once boasted that he did not have to debug his programs, they just worked. And he was completely serious. Of course what we did not tell him, but we should have, is that we found a bug in his program.

Re:Debug? Me? (4, Funny)

hoggoth (414195) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696928)

He was right. HE didn't have to debug his programs. He had you for that.

Re:Debug? Me? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697097)

Was it djb?

Re:Debug? Me? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697133)

You must be the troll acount of one of the Slashdot staff.

Re:Debug? Me? (5, Funny)

Brandybuck (704397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697716)

One manager at my work boasted that his group's code didn't have any bugs in it. Whenever a bug was assigned to his group, he would reassign it elsewhere. Seriously! When challenged on it he would get very insulted.

Then one day a bug he reassigned got fixed. The root cause was code that the manager had written back in that distant two week period when he actually touched code. Rather than tell him who wrote it, the other managers talked about the "really lame" coding error. We he got all righteous about the bug as well, they told him he wrote it.

Not quite (5, Funny)

Otter (3800) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696757)

Does Eric Raymond's famous "Reflections On Sudden Wealth" essay after the VA Linux IPO count as a boast? I certainly got a few laughs out of the aftermath.

Not quite a boast but -- a low-level admin at my wife's old workplace sent out this (paraphrased) email:

"I'm leaving this job to start my own network consulting firm. I'm feeling a lot of emotions right now, and here's a song that really captures them."

And he attaches a 5 meg MP3 file and sends it to hundreds of people, completely sinking their mail server.

Re:Not quite (1)

Achoi77 (669484) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696864)

Ok that was hilarious. :-)

So did he do it in order to work up some potential customers for his new firm?

Re:Not quite (1)

chaoaretasty (701798) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697594)

At which point the boss gets his own back with a phone call to our favourite 4 letter acronym.

Heh (4, Funny)

itwerx (165526) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696765)

Best one I've heard was from a newly-minted and very pro-MS CIO who claimed (right after Win2K first came out) that Active Directory was a much better solution for their company network (thousands of employees and dozens of offices) than the existing Novell Netware/NDS.
They went through half a dozen consulting firms before firing the CIO and everyone else involved in the project...

Re:Heh (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696824)

It's not about the karma, it's about your comments.

Most people browse at 3 or 4.

Re:Heh (1)

hdparm (575302) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697679)

You're not serious, right? Who reads your comment then? And this reply (before it gets moded +4)?

Design???? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696797)

I work on a > 15 yr old system created with no design documentation.
Fortunately code is self documenting.

Posting AC for obvious reasons.

Re:Design???? (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696914)

I'm not sure I see the reas...oh, waitaminute, I see it! Fortunately code is self documenting obviously implies that you're working on a COBOL system.

Re:Design???? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696996)

No but the language has some COBOLesq features.

Re:Design???? (1)

buttahead (266220) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697731)

macro snobol?

Re:Design???? (1)

jkirby (97838) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697094)

Life is too short for COBOL

Campus Network Services (5, Funny)

secondsun (195377) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696808)

The Campus network services at a Jr. College I went to a few years ago: "Yes we do know our ass from a router."

This of course was after a quick nmap found everything running telnet. Which was also running without a password. Turn dhcp off on a few of those babies and somone has to work a Looonng night.

The classic Bill Gates (5, Informative)

tantalic (194548) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696811)

"640K ought to be enough for anybody"

Of course there are disputes as to whether this was actually said or not, or the context...but certainly one of the funniest and most famous tech boasts.

Re:The classic Bill Gates (2, Informative)

jkirby (97838) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697074)

He did say it. I had the actual interview for years; with a picture of Bill and an IBM model 80

Documentation (5, Funny)

jazman_777 (44742) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696822)

"Good code is self-documenting."

Re:Documentation (4, Interesting)

jag164 (309858) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696900)

Unfortunately, this is true in some cases. I'd even say "Bad code is self documenting." The code base my nose is stuck in right now is a prime example. I'd rather this code base have no docs than the misleading and outdated docs it does have. Sigh.

Re:Documentation (1)

2mcm (775747) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697035)

"Good code is self-documenting for the good programmer."

I created the internet? (1, Funny)

Eneff (96967) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696827)

(Yeah, I know.. he didn't really say it. It's funny. Laugh.)

Heard this one the other day... (2, Funny)

Anonimo Covarde (669695) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696876)

"I started using Gentoo on the desktop and now I've rolled it out as a production server using some great technologies: ReiserFS, RAID-5, Gentoo patched kernel, Samba ... you name it."

Re:Heard this one the other day... (1)

rmm4pi8 (680224) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696933)

Is there something I'm missing here? Reiser, RAID-5, and Samba are most definitely ready for prime-time, and while I've no personal experience and the maintainability may not be great, I've heard of Gentoo in production environments. People still run Win2k in production, you know.

Re:Heard this one the other day... (1)

swmccracken (106576) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697088)

You're missing this [] .

"I started using Gentoo on the desktop and now I've rolled it out as a production server using some great technologies: ReiserFS, RAID-5, Gentoo patched kernel, Samba ... you name it."

What's missing is the context - funroll-loops [] .

Re:Heard this one the other day... (1)

hattmoward (695554) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697117)

Gentoo doesn't yet have production-level stability. In Debian, for example, you'll notice that all package versions stay the same in stable, and security patches are backported. For Gentoo, something that is "stable" means that it works okay on a particular platform, not that is stabilized for production purposes.

I have tried before to organize a project for stable Gentoo, but didn't get any real response. I guess they don't want to loose the ability to boast over recent versions of packages. =D

Re:Heard this one the other day... (5, Funny)

Brandybuck (704397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697763)

Bob: "With the magic of Gentoo, I'm already running KDE 3.4!"

Joe: "KDE 3.4 isn't out yet."

Bob: "Like I said, with the magic of Gentoo..."

Re:Heard this one the other day... (-1, Flamebait)

Brandybuck (704397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697777)

Is there something I'm missing here?

Oh man, where to begin...

Okay, first thing you're missing is a brain. No problem with fanatical devotion, you've got plenty of that. But the brain is definitely missing.

...and while I've no personal experience...

We know.

Re:Heard this one the other day... (1)

MoOsEb0y (2177) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697947)

I use ReiserFS, Raid-5, Samba, and an Gensplash patched Gentoo kernel on my webserver. What's your point?

I AM AN EXPERT IN C++ (4, Funny)

Ars-Fartsica (166957) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696909)

heard once per interview


Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10698111)

I dont get the humor here, is it that no one can ever become an expert?

Developer (0, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696913)

I'm a serious [insert type here != "Apple Only"] developer and I use a mac because [insert RDF here].

Cracks me up every time - esp when they associate flash & developer like that means something plausable. It's not just the great leaps in logic but the *need* to tell you.

No one like klingons (5, Funny)

cuteseal (794590) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696915)

Oldie but a goodie:

Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!

11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual processors if I am to do battle with this code!

10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.

9. Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

8. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.

6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.

5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.

4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!

3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!

2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!

1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!

Funny (0)

students (763488) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697160)

What's with the "Princess Bride" reference?

This one is worth printing and hanging on the wall.

Re:Funny (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697423)

I don't see such a reference. I think you're confused.

How about Vulcan Programmers? (3, Funny)

BottleCup (691335) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697358)

The Vulcan computer science directory has determined that the existence of programming bugs is impossible.

TPS reports (5, Funny)

St. Arbirix (218306) | more than 9 years ago | (#10696929)

I've never missed a cover sheet on my TPS reports!

This project will be on time. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10696956)

Thats a good one.

Computer Game Shop (5, Funny)

jebiester (589234) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697030)

The funniest boast I ever heard was a guy at a computer game shop. I was looking at the games and this guy started talking to me. After chatting about games for a bit, he started telling me about how he had obtained the full Windows 2000 source code, made some changes, and compiled a special version that played his games better.

Re:Computer Game Shop (1)

2mcm (775747) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697060)

He should have been smarter that to try to pass that tale to a /.er !!

Anyway what speed computer would he need to compile the "full" windows src code in a reasonable time ?

Re:Computer Game Shop (1)

zrail (50290) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697111)

At least as fast as the Longhorn base requirements.

Re:Computer Game Shop (1)

hattmoward (695554) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697168)

#include <BigBrother.h>

int main() {
return 0; /* Shouldn't be here. -WG */

That can't be too hard, right? Right?

Re:Computer Game Shop (4, Funny)

karnal (22275) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697368)

That sounds similar to something my friends heard at our local computer shop.

They were there, looking at the not-so-bargain basement prices (back when computer shows were all the rage, these guys didn't have squat on pricing...) and overheard a conversation:

Customer: So is this video card pretty decent? It's kind of expensive...

Sales Droid: Oh yea, that's the best one out there. That card doesn't work using triangles - it works on THE PIXEL level.

Customer: Ahhh.

Friends: Let's get out of here....

Re:Computer Game Shop (1)

Edgewize (262271) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697430)

Sales Droid: Oh yea, that's the best one out there. That card doesn't work using triangles - it works on THE PIXEL level.

See, that makes me smile because he's so obviously wrong, and yet so close to being right :) If that was a few years ago, then he was probably regurgitating the marketing buzzwords for pixel shaders. Per-pixel specular lighting! Shiny..

My favorite Resume blunder... (4, Funny)

firebeaker (52242) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697070)

15 years Java experience... when Java's not that old. I've seen a number of cases like those on resumes, using technology for longer than it was around for.

In the case of Java, no, they weren't working for Sun while it was being developed.

Re:My favorite Resume blunder... (1)

darkewolf (24563) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697113)

I have seen worse in job adverts. They were advertising for 5+ years in technologies that had (at that time) been around 3 less than 3 years.

I think it was a case, though, of the boss asking the copywriter / secretary to chuck in the default advert with XYZ skill set. Oh well, they were rather embaressed when I rang up and pointed this out ;)

Re:My favorite Resume blunder... (2, Interesting)

EnronHaliburton2004 (815366) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697421)

Ah, but then maybe he was responding to one of those Job ads that is asking for 15+ years in Java experience!

They are more common then you think, unfortunately.

Re:My favorite Resume blunder... (4, Interesting)

crazyphilman (609923) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697471)

Yeah, my old boss used to give me resumes to vet. I used to see stuff like "ten years .Net experience!" At first I was shocked, but then I got out my red pen and started annotating. I'd use very descriptive terms: "Bullshit", "He's lying, it hasn't existed that long", "Does this company even exist?" and so forth. Nobody cared. They ignored my comments, hired the low bid, and never asked me to look at resumes again.

Since then I've realized that at some companies, resumes really ARE expected to be fiction, and they select the fiction they enjoy the most.

Re:My favorite Resume blunder... (1)

Brandybuck (704397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697752)

They're fiction because you can't get a job unless you fictionalize them. I'm thinking of putting down Olympic Gold Medalist on my next resume.

A coworker is out looking for another job. He had to lie on his resume about knowing C++ because many companies demand it. One company wanted C++ expertise, even though the position was for Linux device drivers.

Re:My favorite Resume blunder... (5, Interesting)

crazyphilman (609923) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697855)

I've given up on programming for a private company. There are plenty of jobs in civil service, academia, large public institutions... Many of those won't be programming jobs in the future, but at least they pay the bills.

The real last straw for me was the start of the recession, right around 2000, when I started seeing job offers that required several years experience in twenty technologies, some of which were mutually exclusive.

Let alone the fact (the FACT) that no one is capable of getting five years meaningful experience in all those technologies at a single company.

No, what really bothered me was this: Companies inflate their requirements for two primary reasons:

1. They want to make sure that NOBODY will qualify for the job so they can justify hiring an H1-B to fill it, instead of an American, or a Brit, or whatever.

2. They want to make sure that anyone they DO hire MUST have lied on the resume, so they can fire him whenever they want without paying unemployment benefits.

This wasn't what was going on where I used to work; that manager just didn't care, and didn't want to listen to my complaints. But you can be pretty sure that a lot of companies work this way.

Be careful with those resume fictions; they could bite you in the ass later, when you try to vest stock options or otherwise stand up for yourself.

My boasts (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697121)

- I wrote 100,000 lines of production code when I was 23 years old.
- I have a current product with over 1 million copies in distribution and I have 10 bug reports and no technical support department; not even a tech support telephone number. It has been out in the world for three years. All of the bugs are related to bugs in Microsoft Windows kernel.

Re:My boasts (-1, Flamebait)

aLe-ph-1(sh) (813349) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697269)

Windoze doesw not have a kernel.

Re:My boasts (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697452)

Windoze doesw not have a kernel.

Uhh... yes it does.

Re:My boasts (0)

Dark Nexus (172808) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697464)

Uh.... yes it does. kernel32.dll is, infact, the Windows kernel.

Re:My boasts (3, Funny)

cookd (72933) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697565)

Strangely enought, it isn't.

ntoskrnl.exe is.

Kernel32.dll is the user-mode public interface to the basic kernel functionality.

Re:My boasts (1)

jkirby (97838) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697807)

Hahaha. That is the best one yet. Where did you hear that one; from some retard in an interview?

Windows 2000 admin wanted (2, Funny)

Zoko Siman (585929) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697233)

Must have at least 5 years expirence.

"Expert Programmer" (3, Insightful)

dynamic_cast (250615) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697272)

I see that on resumes all the time. So I put them in front of a white board and ask them to show me the code to add an item to a singly linked list, using the language of their choice.

1 out of 15 pass. It's pathetic.

Can you pass this test? Post a link to your resume, we are hiring in the East Bay, California. C#.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (5, Insightful)

Farq Fenderson (135583) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697433)

> Can you pass this test?

Yes. But:

> C#.

You can't pay me enough.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Fubar420 (701126) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697986)

typedef struct ll_s {
int data;
struct *ll_s next;
} *ll_p;

int insert (ll_s *cur, int data){
if(cur == NULL)
return -1;
while(cur->next != null)
cur = cur->next;
cur->next = (ll_s *)malloc(sizeof(ll_s));
cur->next->next = NULL;
cur->next->data = data;
return 0;

Barring obvious lack of a compiler, can I get my options now :-)?

Re:"Expert Programmer" (0)

spacecowboy420 (450426) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697470)

Pathetic? That isn't exactly trivial. I would wager you could do many lines of good code without knowing the *terminology* "singly linked list" - especially if you are self taught and never had the need to research it. I do, however believe a decent programmer will often have had to implement the logic without knowing what a "singly linked list" is.

I think this is one of those "boasts".

Re:"Expert Programmer" (2, Insightful)

yasth (203461) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697516)

In all honesty if you don't know the nomenclature, you might have a hard time working with a team. Also it is first semester CS stuff. If 1 in 15 can't pass it, then there is even more cheating going on then I thought.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

t--f-c (76987) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697590)

or more people than you realize are still applying for jobs to get into the tech industry and you are being outflanked by liberal arts majors who will take your job at half the pay and be trained in the process

Re:"Expert Programmer" (5, Insightful)

Jahf (21968) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697626)

You don't have to cheat to forget naming.

For many of the people I know, going to college for CS is about 2 things:

1) Learning basic programmatic workflow and practices

2) Being able to show the piece of paper

Unfortunately for alot of people hiring, #2 is most important. For employers who I have -respected- #1 is the most important and they can recognize that with #1 and a creative thinking brain that any coder can quickly pick up new languages and technologies.

And people who excel at creative programmatic thinking often are the types that remember concepts, not trivia (the idea of testing intelligence and not memory). Expecting a person to remember, in a high stress situation, the terminology you learned in school tests the trivia.

Forgetting terminology (versus forgetting -theory-) doesn't mean that they cheated in school, it only means they remembered stuff differently. How many of us remember more than one or two geometry theorems even a few months after passing our last geometry test?

It is sad, but there are a number of elitists out there who use tests like the one you are so proud of. Do you give any type of explanation if the interview-ee says "what do you mean by that?" or do you assume that they have failed at that point? If you assume failure at that point you are the problem, not them.

If on the other hand you give a brief example and wait to see if they catch on, then you should be able to see who is truly good by how quickly they can code and/or how efficient that code is.

A person doesn't need to know the terminology -before- they join a group to be useful to that group. They need to be able to quickly put your group's terminology into a working context and start expanding on it. Otherwise all you are doing is a form of secret handshake.

This is one of the reasons that the original IQ tests were considered to be biased. They measured vocabulary knowledge as a prerequisite to concepts. Newer tests try to be language independent, recognizing that cognitive ability is more important.

Or in shorter terms, I agree with the grandparent of this post, you made the kind of boast that the submitter was talking about.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (2, Informative)

dynamic_cast (250615) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697958)

I explain what it is if they say they don't know what I mean. I am not trying to be cruel. I just want to see if they can solve a SIMPLE problem.

Most can't.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

lachlan76 (770870) | more than 9 years ago | (#10698002)

I'm 15, self-taught, and I know what a singly linked list is. Since I assume I suck at C++/Programming in general, would it be fair to assume that most programmers wouldn't know everything that I know and more?

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

yasth (203461) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697472)

(cons item l)

Does that count? ;-)

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Beowulf_Boy (239340) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697538)

void insertnode(Node *first, int x, int y)
int z = 0;
Node *start = first;

while(z next;


Node *addnode = (Node *)malloc(sizeof(Node));
addnode->next = first->next;
addnode->x = x;

first->next = addnode;

while(start->next != 0)
printf("X = %d\n", start->x);
start = start->next;

Copied and pasted from some program I made for my C101 class last year, I'd take the job and show you my resume, but I'm just a sophmore in Univesity, sorry.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

jrockway (229604) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697753)

> I'm just a sophmore [sic] in Univesity [sic]

Maybe they _should_ require four years of English for CS majors :)

Re:"Expert Programmer" (2, Informative)

norkakn (102380) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697800)

wow.. that is horrid code.

want to learn verilog? the crap we get to do makes gotos look classy.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

weapon (783054) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697577)

I am a 1st year IT/Engineering student, i just did a course in scheme, one of the things we just did was linked lists, here is some of the code from the lectures (i can't post a link because it requires a login), but i can't program c# and i live in australia!

(sory about the formating & indenting, blame slashdot). ;; ;; ;; COMP1502 Lecture 9, Demo 3 ;; Ordered Association Lists ;; ;; Assume that keys are numbers for ordering

(define make-alist
(lambda ()
(list 'alist))) ;; alist selectors and predicates

(define header?
(lambda (alist)
(eq? (car alist) 'alist)))

(define curr-key caar)

(define next-key caadr)

(define insert!
(lambda (key value alist)
(cond ((and (or (header? alist)
( (curr-key alist) key))
(or (null? (cdr alist))
( key (next-key alist))))
(set-cdr! alist (cons (cons key value) (cdr alist))) 'ok)
((and (not (header? alist)) (= key (curr-key alist)))
(set-cdr! (car alist) value))
(else (insert! key value (cdr alist))))))

(define assoc
(lambda (key records)
(cond ((null? records) 'no-match)
((equal? (caar records) key) (car records))
(else (assoc key (cdr records))))))

(define lookup
(lambda (key alist)
(let ((record (assoc key (cdr alist))))
(if (eq? 'no-match record) 'no-match (cdr record))))) ;; (define x (make-alist)) ;; (insert! 5 'e x) ;; (insert! 2 'b x) ;; (insert! 4 'd x) ;; (insert! 7 'g x) ;; (lookup 6 x) ;; (lookup 5 x) ;; x

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Fizzl (209397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697604)

I actually just visited an interview few months ago. I haven't been seriously programming in 2 years but still felt confident about my skills. Then, it came time to demostrate some simple things. Well, not the _simple_ but the ones someone should know who boasts 5+ years C and C++ experience:

What is the most efficient way to check single linked list for self reference (pointing to a previous item)
Hmm, I know this one... *Takes copious amounts of time to invent an ugly way*

Define a function pointer
Well, this is easy! *Doodles for minutes thinking was it the one way or another*

Implement treesearch for undefined set of nodes. (Just walking the tree without doing anything)
Ookey... Firs't well just create this complex 'node' class, then make dynamic memory management for walking the tree, making sure we wont run out of memory. The, let's see. See the amount of child of this node, allocate, push to treestack...
Shit, the interviewer ofcourse wanted to see a simple recursive function!

Well, I later emailed the interviewer, apologized for wasting his time and told him that they should not even consider me. I need some practise :/

Re:"Expert Programmer" (0, Troll)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697619)

Linked lists? Expert programmers use RDBMS. Only newbies use linked lists because they don't know how to use a database. Move up the abstraction scale, dude? Otherwise you will hire people who keep writing sorts, GUI frameworks, and OS's from scratch.

(Estimation of this turning into an anti/pro-database battle: 35%)

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Brandybuck (704397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697805)

(Estimation of this turning into an anti/pro-database battle: 35%)

I would say 100%, because you already started the debate with your stupid (but very on topic) boast. The 35% is just an estimation of someone deciding to bite your troll.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Fizzl (209397) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697656)

Right, forgot your original question :P

(Assume we have established list with atleast one item, and the name of the 'next' pointer is 'next')

item *p = list;
item *new = (item *)malloc(sizeof(item));
new->next = NULL;
while(p->next != NULL)
p = p->next;
p->next = new;

Will you relocate me from Finland to California? ;P

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

Lenolium (110977) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697886)

Well, it will work, but you can't compile that in a C++ compiler. And since he is going for C#, I'm pretty sure that that one will fail also.

In case you didn't spot it yourself, you can't use the word 'new' as a variable name in a C++ compiler without defining your code as extern'ed C code.

Yes, I know I'm being pendantic, I've had to clean up too many a schema that used SQL reserved words for column names, so I'm picky nowdays.

Re:"Expert Programmer" (1)

BigBadDude (683684) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697941)

Oh my god, cant people even write a single list-insert without making a fool of themselves ?

Item first = ... (first node in the list, could be null)

// NOTE: thread-safe code (can you see it?)
Item item = new Item();
item->next = first;
first = item;

Re:"Expert Programmer" (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10698051)

There is nothing "thread-safe" about that code, you frickin' moron. Your comment turns otherwise correct (pseudo) code into a steaming bit of crap.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

It's obvious (1)

gmhowell (26755) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697371)

It's obvious: I'm a gamer, and I use Linux on the desktop. Saw some clown on the web claiming that crap.

Re:It's obvious (1)

phaze3000 (204500) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697774)

I'm a gamer, and I use Linux on the desktop.

Admittedly, all the games I play are on PS2/XBOX/Gamecube/Dreamcast.

24/7 support (2, Funny)

jerde (23294) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697376)

I overheard a salesdroid touting that their support line offered 24/7 support, Monday-Friday 8am to 8pm.

My uptime is.... (3, Interesting)

EnronHaliburton2004 (815366) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697404)

I often hear Linux & Unix admins talking about their tremendous uptime. I regard these people as a little unwise and arrogant, more concerned with meaningless bragging numbers instead of focusing on the stability of the system.

Lately, I inherited [1] a surviving dotcom [2] with 20 unix computers. The

Of course, 2 months after the previous Unix admin quits, power goes out on a couple power strips at the AT&T Datacenter [3] and I need to restart the computers.

The OS comes up fine, but the init scripts for the Apache, Java App server, and misc. servers were all hosed, and I had to investigate each one and restart all of the important services on all machines. This turned a 5 minute downtime into a 2 hour downtime... AT 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!

Screw your uptime, test your startup scripts. Distaster recovery is more important.

[1] I was hired, then the parent company laid a bunch of people off. Fuck me!

[2] Not surviving any more! Fuck me!

[3] Top of the line reliability, yeah right.

Re:My uptime is.... (2, Informative)

oo_waratah (699830) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697445)

You can restart the service and still keep your uptime and provide the testing you require. However it is true that a complete down and up would be good to do when everyone is prepared to sort out the mess and the least impact on your business. Warm swaps would be a good idea if it is that critical.

said in a meeting (3, Funny)

heliocentric (74613) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697414)

Higher up boss was complaining why the project wasn't being done the wau he just suddenly came up with.

Low-level boss, who had fought to do it that way for months and was shot down by this higher up boss only to do it the current way, says, "I can't beging to think about doing it the right way until I finish doing it the wrong way... poorly."

trust me (1)

oo_waratah (699830) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697517)

Just trust me it will work.

Well most of the time I am right anyway :-)

next version will fix the bugs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#10697545)

that's what we are always told

It'll be done on time! (3, Funny)

Banner (17158) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697561)

2) We don't need to test it!
3) Requirements? What are those?
4) We're a level 5 organization!
5) We'll save money using window's Outlook
6) Extreme Programming
7) Cleanroom.

Massive lines of code reductions (3, Interesting)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697659)

I guy who just took an SQL intro class blurted out in the middle of a meeting, "Can't you take your system and rewrite it all in [just] SQL so that it is only a few lines?"

And then another time someone claimed that they could make something 1/2 the original code size by rewriting it in Lisp. I gave them a code example to try it on, but they made some vague excuses and changed the subject.

Somewhat related, the C2 wiki has an interesting "alarm-bell phrases" list to help detect when big claims are about to be stated:

Pentium 8 (1)

mwvdlee (775178) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697945)

I once heard a guy in an electronics shop talk to a customer about how he was already recieving training about the Pentium 8 processor. This was when the first Pentium CPU's were just available!

Had a pretty hard time not laughing in this guy's face, though I probably should have done so in hindsight.

im arrogant! (1)

biryokumaru (822262) | more than 9 years ago | (#10697993)

ive been coding since i was eight! when i was 12, i wrote a compiler using ms debug!

cwd oh my (4, Funny)

fastduke (694682) | more than 9 years ago | (#10698077)

I was told that I had to set up the server to include the cwd in the path so that students didn't have to always type ./a.out

Later I was asked if I hade done it and the conversation went something like this:

boss: did you get that done?
me: Yep, students group is all set up.
boss: only the students?
me: Well I figured the staff should know to change their own path.
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