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470 comments

It all fits... (3, Interesting)

ScytheBlade1 (772156) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452053)

I believe I speak for everyone when I say..

"That explains SO much."

"All I can say is WOW." very...apt statment.

"Apparently, there was a big demand for integrating 'LOTUS 1-2-3 with Miami Vice.'" no crap? I mean....whoa!

"$500 dollars? $1000 dollars?" . . .

You're right. I can no longer say that MS has no sense of humor.

Oh how I wish that was a false statment...I mean, it even goes along with the new goatse [monkeymethods.org] .

Re:It all fits... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452090)

And it all has this feeling of... authencity?

Re:It all fits... (5, Informative)

KevinKnSC (744603) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452194)

Oh how I wish that was a false statment...I mean, it even goes along with the new goatse.

First, for the people too terrified to follow that link, it is safe for work and will not burn your retinas like the original goatse. Second, those pictures aren't actually for Teen Beat, as claimed, but were promotional [snopes.com] , in some weird alternate reality where that kind of thing could help promote your product.

Re:It all fits... (1)

Rob Carr (780861) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452226)

the new goatse [monkeymethods.org] .

That was disgusting! Shame on you for posting a link to that picture!

I'm going to have to wash my eyes out with soap. Ewww. I'm gonna puke.

Re:It all fits... (4, Interesting)

Bucket Truck (788240) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452235)

Did anyone call the number at the end of the ad? Does it get you MS or maybe Bill's private line?

fp (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452055)

weeeee

But WAIT there's MORE! (1)

da3dAlus (20553) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452061)

Actually, not really.

Yes there is... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452083)

He forgot to mention BSOD and hundreds of virii and worms at no added cost.

Re:But WAIT there's MORE! (2, Funny)

flewp (458359) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452251)

Weird that I saw this here on Slashdot today. I was just looking at it earlier today, when I was cleaning up some of my files, and chuckling to myself about it.

The best part is when he mentions that it has a clock.

Re:But WAIT there's MORE! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452260)

Right! When it comes to Windows there is actually less than meets the eye.

And now for a limited time offer! (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452062)

Billy G will personally steal your idea AND take over your company!

Funny? (3, Funny)

Saxton (34078) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452066)

Let it not be said that Microsoft has no sense of humor.

But that's not funny! :-)

-Aaron

Re:Funny? (1)

Stonent1 (594886) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452099)

Anyone who has seen the MS Matrix spoof can attest to their sense of humor.

Re:Funny? (4, Funny)

fm6 (162816) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452158)

Doesn't count. Making bad jokes is not any sign of a sense of humor. Rather the opposite. Standard Buffy reference:
Anya : OK. A man walks in to the office of a doctor. He's wearing on his head, um, oh wait, there's a duck, is that right?

Guy From Audience: You suck!
Anya : Quiet, you'll miss the humorous conclusion.

Linux (1)

Seumas (6865) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452165)

Someone needs to put together some humorous Linux "commercials". For the in-crowd, it would be hilarious. For the rest, it would be potentially good advertisement. If there are any that I've simply not seen, please offer links.

Dance for me... (-1, Offtopic)

baeksu (715271) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452068)

...monkeyboy

Umm (-1, Flamebait)

TheKidWho (705796) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452073)

your just 15 years too late figuring it out.

Funniest crap (1)

fuzzdawg (671742) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452080)

I've seen in a long time. LOL

Old (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452081)

I saw this, like, 15 years ago.

Re:Old (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452218)

Just Imagine a SNL sketch of this starring Linus making fun of it

Is this real?? (1)

goneutt (694223) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452084)

Okay, I guess a small firm might use a low budget format like this, but hadn't M$ already make good money from MS-DOS sales.

/. will teach the eBaums webmaster not to post microsoft stuff.

1.0? (4, Funny)

StevenHenderson (806391) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452091)

Steve Ballmer pitching windows 1.0 in a television commercial

Judging from the way my XP machine behaves, they still have yet to reach that 1.0 milestone... :)

Re:1.0? (4, Funny)

ScytheBlade1 (772156) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452149)

Funny thing about your comment. Please, review with me.

A) This is slashdot, aka linuxfest.
B) You just suggested that they have yet to hit their 1.0 milestone
Then..
C) You say, and I quote, "from the way my XP machine"

*blink*

So. Is there any reason that you're using the pre-1.0 milestone? ;)

Re:1.0? (1)

StevenHenderson (806391) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452191)

Plan on making the migration to Linux this week, actually! Recommendations for a n00b? I was thinking Suse...

Re:1.0? (2, Funny)

Kenshin (43036) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452221)

Judging from the way my XP machine works, maybe you need to remember that CDs go in the drive SHINY side down.

Re:1.0? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452253)

what! you mean the summary was MISLEADING!!! i am truly outraged!

Re:1.0? (2, Insightful)

MaGGuN (630724) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452267)

What is that supposed to mean anyway?

Seems like it got modded funny because it is negative towards microsoft and windows xp.

sheesh... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452092)

its "stories" like this that keep me from becoming a paying subscriber. Mildly humorous but the blatant, useless MS bashing from a submission with no news quality whatsoever is juvenile and unbecoming for the business that is slashdot.

Re:sheesh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452177)

you must be new here.

thanks, /. (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452093)

This is older than dirt. Everyone on the internet has seen it. If you haven't seen it, you're some lamer. Get out of your AOL chat rooms and do a google search.

Actually, yes, thanks /. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452195)

Uh... some of us on the "real" internet (since '95, not that I'm bragging) have better things to do than dig around in Google for old Microsoft ads. That said, I'm glad this got posted. I've sure as hell never seen it, and none of many techish friends have ever mentioned it. I'll sure be showing it around. I would have never guessed that old MS ads were like low-budget car-lot ads... no wonder the original mac ad seemed so incredible.

$99 then, $200+ now for Windows 1.0 (5, Insightful)

Bs15 (762456) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452095)

According to this commercial, it was priced at $99, now if you want a vintage copy of M$ Windows 1.0, its $200+. Take a look on ebay.

Our prices are _INSANE_ (1)

maggotbrain_777 (450700) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452096)

Reminds me of the Crazy Eddie electronics outlet commercials, that used to air on the east coast in the early 80's.

Re:Our prices are _INSANE_ (1)

MushMouth (5650) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452130)

Uh, isn't that the point?

Re:Our prices are _INSANE_ (1)

maggotbrain_777 (450700) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452257)

Somehow, I'm not surprised that someone has a Crazy Eddie tribute site Crazy Eddie [pocketcalculatorshow.com]
Here is one of their commercials for viewing pleasure(real player only):

Crazy Eddie commercial [pocketcalculatorshow.com]

Thank god for wireless (4, Funny)

joel8x (324102) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452098)

I clicked on that wile browsing from my throne (laptops with wireless connections = the new newspaper folded under the arm) and essentially saved myself from pissing all over myself.

Re:Thank god for wireless (4, Funny)

csguy314 (559705) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452239)

Yeah. phew... only pissed all over the laptop... that was close.

Re:Thank god for wireless (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452255)

wait, so you were on slashdot in the restroom?

I will never touch another person's laptop ever

Where's the audio? (1)

IO ERROR (128968) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452101)

Am I the only one who can't hear the audio on this file? I've tried totem, xine and vlc, and nothing wants to play the audio...

Re:Where's the audio? (3, Funny)

jfengel (409917) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452150)

And I cannot even begin to explain how much happier you are for that fact.

Re:Where's the audio? (5, Funny)

name_already_taken (540581) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452164)

Works great in Windows Media Player. I guess that's what you get for trying to save $99.

Re:Where's the audio? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452193)

Have you tried playing something else, just to make sure all the right volume controls (PCM, master, the one on your hifi) are turned up?

Re:Where's the audio? (1)

digitalchinky (650880) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452210)

er, you could try windows media player :-)

Re:Where's the audio? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452217)

Try using a real operating system.

Re:Where's the audio? (1)

deviantonline (542095) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452248)

xine just played the clip fine for me

Re:Where's the audio? (1)

enosys (705759) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452272)

According to WMP 10 the audio is: Windows Media Audio 9.1 16 kbps, 16 kHz, mono (A/V) 1-pass CBR

Download the latest Xine-lib (2, Informative)

rsilvergun (571051) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452274)

the 1.0 release plays it just fine. Either that or the latest mplayer should be able to handle it. WMV's kind of a moving target, you've got to constantly update your software to play it....

Oh, and Totem and xine use the same back end (xine-lib) so if one can't play it, the other won't (unless you've got something screwy going on where they're using different library paths). Just a heads up....

Would you buy a used car from this man? (1)

lutefish (746659) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452105)

Assuming, that is, the EULA didn't prohibit resale. That was disturbing. But the XT brought fond tears to my eyes, as did reversi.

This wasn't a TV commercial (5, Informative)

TheKingAdrock (834418) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452108)

There are at least a dozen of these videos floating around, some starring Bill & Steve together. They were made for the amusement of the employees and played at the yearly company meetings.

Re:This wasn't a TV commercial (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452151)

Ah, that explains the things like 286-DOS and the Nebraska reference. Couldn't believe they would actually air that stuff...

Re:This wasn't a TV commercial (0)

rbanffy (584143) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452178)

That is only one more reason not to work for Microsoft. Do they expect their employees to laugh? Like the post just after this one, I felt sorry for him. It's embarassing.

Re:This wasn't a TV commercial (2, Insightful)

fm6 (162816) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452214)

Careful what you record, it may come back to haunt you.

I had a job where they just had to do a "Weakest Link" takeoff at all company meetings, just because they happened to have a female marketeer with a British accent. Made me dread the meetings. She was a lot more attractive than Anne Robinson, but her impersonation sucked.

What can I say? (0, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452110)

I actually felt sorry for him when I saw it.

Except in Nebraska? (1, Interesting)

wwwgregcom (313240) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452116)

If I ever saw a line that is going to adore slashdot comments for months to come, there it is.

I can see it now.

I for one welcome our new (INSERT ADJECTIVE RELEVANT TO NEWS STORY HERE) overlords, except in Nebraska!

Or.

In Soviet Russia, the blank, blanks you! Except in Nebraska!

Re:Except in Nebraska? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452160)

I think you were trying to say "adorn"

Re:Except in Nebraska? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452244)

You're right. He's probably using an auto-spell check, as even a quick perusal would have picked up the mistake.....except in Nebraska!

ahhh...let the fun begin.

Re:Except in Nebraska? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452190)

I wonder if the "except in Nebraska" joke was a reference to Microsoft VP Jeff Raikes, who is from Ashland, Nebraska...

Re:Except in Nebraska? (1)

jdray (645332) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452206)

In Nebraska, only old people...

I'm slightly untrusting. (1)

endersdouble (719120) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452118)

Considering that this is from Ebaum's World, I find it hard to believe it's not just a joke/fake.

Re:I'm slightly untrusting. (1, Insightful)

beacher (82033) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452187)

Considering that this is from Ebaum's World, I find it hard to believe it's not just a joke/fake.
That's the point. It wasn't a joke then but it sure as hell is one now.... Now all we need to complete this whole trollish article is for someone to find the Windows XP with reboot Chimp pic and the troll will be complete.

Fucking Hell... Is it such a slow weekend that this drivel is making it on? WTF. People used to call me a slashbot and I think I'm slowly realizing wtf they're talking about. I'm sure that plenty of articles are being rejected en masse for the same reposted old stale ass drivel.

Someone start a goddamn poll on which editors need to be fired.

B

Microsoft has always had a sense of humor... (4, Funny)

CliffH (64518) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452119)

... look at their product linueup. :)

This is old news ... (4, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452120)

I saw this vid about ten years ago. Ballmer didn't make it for use on TV -- it was shown at an internal Microsoft sales-team meeting. You know -- pump 'em up. Monkeyboy could do well selling used cars, methinks. Just the sort of person who can take a mediocre systems-software company and turn them into a globe-trotting monopoly.

How much do you think its worth? (5, Funny)

racerxroot (786164) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452121)

The crazy talking head on the television asked me several times how much i thought it was worth. I kept saying "nothing" but he just kept talking. Crazy man. im scared.

All this for... (2, Funny)

Faust7 (314817) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452124)

$99... same price as XP Home Edition I believe.

Which also still has Reversi.

Re:All this for... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452215)

Actually it has Internet Reversi!

Re:All this for... (2, Funny)

StarWreck (695075) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452216)

Actually WindowsXP only comes with "internet reversi" which only allows you to play multi-player. So no single player and no play at all without an internet connection.

By the way... (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452125)

That's not a real commercial. It was put together for a company meeting in the last five years.

Yes. but... (1)

aardwolf204 (630780) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452131)

Only old Koreans use Windows 1.0

Re:Yes. but... (5, Funny)

Crash24 (808326) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452247)

Only old Koreans use Windows 1.0

Except in Nebraska.

Mirror Here (1)

nuxx (10153) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452134)

Per usual, I've mirrored the video here [nuxx.net] .

Although, this really looks like a fake... I'm not sure why, but something doesn't sit right about the info at the end and the product ordering. Or maybe it's just me.

-Steve

Re:Mirror Here (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452276)

And that's not all..... (1)

bartron (772079) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452136)

What?.....no steak knives?

Gives me the jibblies (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452138)

The way he hauntingly trails off with "except for Nebraska..." and an eerie stare will be with me to the end of my days.

Mirror Karma Whore (-1, Redundant)

fsterman (519061) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452144)

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/sellswindows .php It is flash, which is a lot less icky feeling...

YOU FAIL IT YOU INEPT FUCK (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452180)

Redundant + too stupid to know how to make a link = please kill yourself

Ahhhh (1, Funny)

GarbanzoBean (695162) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452145)

Ctrl-Alt-Del
Ctrl-Alt-Del
Ctrl-Alt-Del

Please make it go away. Blue screen of death anything pleeeeeeze.

Wow. (1)

Geek of Tech (678002) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452163)

It's like the Oxy-clean, Billy Mays of Software.

My Eyes! (2, Funny)

StarWreck (695075) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452166)

You fiends! After watching Balmer in this horrible commercial I was forced to push a 30 watt soldering iron through each of my corneas. I will never see again thanks to this slashdot article!!!

Re:My Eyes! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452268)

maybe it's for the better though? I mean, if you can still successfully post a comment here without being able to see, i think it's safe to say you've be here too long.

Well that was interesting (4, Funny)

digitalgimpus (468277) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452169)

It's good to see Microsoft did at least one appearance on TV without Windows Crashing.

Re:Well that was interesting (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452246)

They didn't. It was a mock-up with Unix underneath and a full screen photo on the X server ;)

Windows is the same as the begining (0, Troll)

TK2K (834353) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452179)

Alright, this is something kinda feeky, but i can make Windows M.E. boot in 3.1 mode!!
Boot to dos, edit:sys.ini (or was it system...) change "Explorer.exe." to "Proman.exe" restart your computer, and you have windows ME running program manager instead of explorer!
That meens there is windows 3.1 code running around in an OS released in 1999, thats just pathedic!

Re:Windows is the same as the begining (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452220)

If you investigare, you'll actually see that the Program Manager you boot is a 32-bit release. I don't know if it's based on the Win16 one ported, or the Progman from Windows NT 3.x. There are 16-bit code in Me, but you can't prove it that easily.

If you use Drivespace, sometimes Windows will run in a special mode with 16-bit code (the drivespace exe itself is 16-bit) and a slightly adapted 3.1 UI (title bars in center, that kind of signs) and possibly no real 9x code at all, AFAIK.

What the... no slashdot effect? (5, Interesting)

Wayne247 (183933) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452183)

I don't get it.

Slashdot posts a story with a link that goes (almost) directly to the file. And then it's 5 minutes later and the server happily crunches over a hundred kilobytes per second.

Now either eBausmworld knows how to put up a content server, or slashdot just lost its edge.

Re:What the... no slashdot effect? (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452233)

ebaumsworld is huge. It probably has the bandwidth of slashdot or more. I would safely bet that more people visit ebaumsworld per day than slashdot, or at least that they use more bandwidth because all ebaumsworld does is host movies and larger such files.

Selling Lemons (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452184)

Once a Used Car Salesman, always a Used Car Salesman.

It's a FAKE (1)

Spaceman40 (565797) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452186)

Check the P.O. box for one thing: 286-DOS? Yeah, right. For another, Lotus 1-2-3 was a competing product, and wouldn't have been "included" with Windows at all. (In fact, the only programs included were MS-DOS Executive, Calendar, Cardfile, Notepad, Terminal, Calculator, Clock, Reversi, Control Panel, PIF (Program Information File) Editor, Print Spooler, Clipboard, RAMDrive, Windows Write, Windows Paint - some of which were featured.) The price is right, however, at $100 or so, but when Mr. Ballmer was hired in June of 1980, he was hired as a finance/org/resource person, not a marketer or salesman at all. (He wasn't moved to "Office of the President" 'til 1992) I can understand the confusion, though - it's pretty-well put together... I guess...

Re:It's a FAKE (2, Funny)

razmaspaz (568034) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452263)

Since you live in nebraska you got the crappy version of windows. If you had lived anywhere else you would know that 1-2-3 was bundled. Guess you really missed out on the deal.

Simple question. (1)

Man in Spandex (775950) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452188)

Why Nebraska?

Oh man! (2, Funny)

ftgow (791708) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452189)

If that bald bastard wasn't so personable, Microsoft wouldn't have had such a monopoly!

is it me (1)

Tibor the Hun (143056) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452219)

or does WMP suck ass at compressing at low bitrates?

o.O (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452222)

return -ECOMPLETELYPOINTLESS;

Many years (2, Informative)

northcat (827059) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452224)

The video had been on that site for many years. So now that some random guy came across the video, he puts it on slashdot and it makes it to the front page. What's the need? Slashdot is a *news* site.

Except in WTF? (1)

Pingsmoth (249222) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452227)

Shoot, I live in Nebraska. Curse you Steve Ballmer!

eBaum's World? Please. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452228)

eBaum's World is one of those "HAHA PENSI OLOL" pretten "humor" sites that re-compresses all their videos to 32 kb/s, gives no credit to the original artist, and puts up their name in every possible position. I wouldn't be surprised if there was spyware somwhere in the loop too. Google for a version that hasn't been bastardized by WMV.

still the same (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11452249)

Steve Ballmer is still the same cheezy salesman. has not changed a bit, except he lost his hair...

I will now buy Windows. (1)

ubrayj02 (513476) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452256)

Having been a user of Microsoft operating systems since elementary school, and having never actually purchased a copy myself - I think that this sort of balls-out funny advertisement...

Well I actually think that I like Windows now. Even though I hate it (I really hate it). This ad makes me love it.

If the last shot was the mailing address in the form of a "Fatal Error" I think the ad would be complete.

I will now go out and buy Windows.

Clip shown on TOTN (5, Interesting)

chiph (523845) | more than 9 years ago | (#11452259)

The clip was included in Robert X. Cringely's Triumph of the Nerds series on PBS in 1996. It was as funny then as it is today.

Chip H.
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