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First PC Virus Spreads to Humans

CmdrTaco posted about 9 years ago | from the get-it-off-me dept.

Worms 231

Davidlost writes "A PC-to-human virus, known as Malwarlaria.B is spreading in humans after a mass spamming in the early hours of Friday morning. It spreads through contact with keyboards on infected PCs. Be afraid, be very afraid."

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231 comments

Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (5, Insightful)

MoxCamel (20484) | about 9 years ago | (#12112619)

1992 called, and wants its joke back.

Note to staff: The thing about April 1st jokes is that they should be subtle enough to catch the reader unawares. There's nothing subtle or clever about a constant slew of joke stories, most of which wouldn't fool even my PHB. Consider trying for a ratio of about 5 real stories to 1 "fool" story next year.

(Yeah, I'm being a curmudgeon, so fsck'ing mod me. I like a good April Fool story as much as the next geek, but it stops being funny after a barrage.)

Mox

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (0)

Dilbert_ (17488) | about 9 years ago | (#12112704)

1992? More like 1970... Wanna bet there's some story floating around about infectious punch-cards somewhere?

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (3, Funny)

sumdumass (711423) | about 9 years ago | (#12112825)

Well, infectious puchcards are more realistic then a computer virus.

Just imagine a worker with hepetitus and doesn't know it because he hasn't seen a doctor since the last cocain party he was at. Now he was handling the cards, aven after sneezing,touching his eyses and mabey some other body parts with fluids. Not get a paper cut form one of the puch cards he was handling?

I have no idea if that could even hapen but it sounds liek it could. Kind of like getting aids from drinking after someone with it.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112706)

Yeah, whenever a "story" has previously appeared in Weekly World News, it's not going to fool anyone.

As far as the 5 to 1 - yeah, good idea, cause then the Tiger Woods as Apple spokesman might have fooled a lot of people...

I couldn't have said it better myself. (3, Insightful)

cbreaker (561297) | about 9 years ago | (#12112818)

The last few years I've looked forward to trying to guess which Slashdot story was the fake one on April 1st. I think Last Years was pretty good, but I don't really remember.

But when you try to do it over and over like this it's really stupid and takes away all the fun of it.

Slashdotters are lame (4, Insightful)

mollog (841386) | about 9 years ago | (#12112826)

The people who insist on pointing out the obvious fact that these 'news articles' are in fact, gags, are lame. Not only are they humor impaired, they lack the wit to form a thoughtful criticizism of the gags. Please note that there is a difference between being discerning and being critical. Many don't get that disctinction and think themselves clever when they are able to find fault. It's too bad so many of us can't attempt even a minimal retort in the spirit that the slashdot admins are showing. Come on people, are we so weak minded we can't even think up a clever response to this stuff?

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (4, Interesting)

_xeno_ (155264) | about 9 years ago | (#12112836)

Personally, I think Slashdot should do a total of two April 1st stories. One should be a Slashdot prank, and be done at or around 6AM GMT. Something like "removing the ability to post anonymously" or "due to an FBI subpeona, we will be retroactively displaying the actual poster of all AC posts starting April 15th" - something that's mildly plausible but clearly not really happening.

(Actually, they already did the first one. It wasn't that funny because it was buried among a deluge of other April 1st stories.)

The second story should be done some time later in the day, and should be a wrap-up of the various funny April Fools jokes done on other sites. Simply collecting and reporting on every single April Fools joke out there is, as the parent post says, simply a barrage of pointlessness.

Yes, we know, it's April 1st. It's deadly obvious. A good April 1st joke requires someone to look at the calendar and say "oh, it's April 1st!" So far, that hasn't really applied.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (1)

Zaiff Urgulbunger (591514) | about 9 years ago | (#12112846)

Note to staff: The thing about April 1st jokes is that they should be subtle enough to catch the reader unawares. There's nothing subtle or clever about a constant slew of joke stories, most of which wouldn't fool even my PHB. Consider trying for a ratio of about 5 real stories to 1 "fool" story next year.

Note 2: Some countries are no longer in "fool" time and as a consequence, I was able to see this "news" article for what it was quite clearly!

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112855)

1992 called, and wants its joke back.

2000 called and wants their insult back......(sigh)

Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors (1)

Winckle (870180) | about 9 years ago | (#12112626)

Banally overdoing april fools day

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors (1)

IANAAC (692242) | about 9 years ago | (#12112694)

I've given up any hope of reading anything interesting for the day.

I'll come back tomorrow to pick up where we left off yesterday :-)

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors (4, Insightful)

TheViffer (128272) | about 9 years ago | (#12112794)

The only day of the year when "First Post" messages are more informative then the article.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors (1)

QQoicu2 (797685) | about 9 years ago | (#12112868)

Hmm. Seems like first posts actually are more informative, on a regular basis...

Goddamn (1)

Eric(b0mb)Dennis (629047) | about 9 years ago | (#12112627)

The whole page is all april fools day jokes.

I was reading slashdot and my dad just about flipped out when readying 2 of the stories, believing them!

IT was so hilarious to see him cursing out bush for cancelling the shuttle program

Re:Goddamn (1)

muuo (863763) | about 9 years ago | (#12112707)

When will this be over?
I would like to get back to real news that us nerds can use.

Re:Goddamn (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112800)

You must be new here

I DID NOT EXPECT THIS (3, Funny)

Jailbrekr (73837) | about 9 years ago | (#12112631)

Christ, if you are going to post an april fools joke, at least MAKE IT FUNNY. Y'know, zombie pope funny.

Sigh... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112634)

Just posting the required "Why do I even bother on April 1st?" comment.

The things I worry about this hoax (4, Insightful)

tekiegreg (674773) | about 9 years ago | (#12112638)

A) That this hoax will spread around and find it's way into my inbox daily for the next 10 years...*sigh* set Spam Filter: If messageText="Malwarlaria" then Bounce message.

B) Eventually some jerk will make a real (even if just computer) virus of that same name.

C'est la vie....

stupid (1)

kk49 (829669) | about 9 years ago | (#12112639)

In Other News: slashdot can figure out that I have no message body, but can't figure out if a story is a dupe.

Cybersex (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112641)

Is this because of cybersex?

Infectious (4, Funny)

fulldecent (598482) | about 9 years ago | (#12112647)

In Soviet Russia, users infect computers...


... wait, it's pretty much like that everywhere

Re:Infectious (1)

suso (153703) | about 9 years ago | (#12112790)

Maybe the virus was passed using one of those F*u/F*me devices that goes in a 5.25" drive bay. Anyone remember those?

Patient Zero (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112649)

CmdrTaco and his iBrator [goatee.org] .

Zombies (4, Funny)

maotx (765127) | about 9 years ago | (#12112650)

Infected users have been spotted mass-mailing commercial advertisements to residents and buisnesses alike to "enl4rg3 th3ir g1r7h and l3ng7h"
Some instances have been reported of the infected gathering in large numbers, known as Destroyers of Sells (DoS), at major corporations and retailers to block the the doors allowing noone in. Symptoms include slow performance, to much chatter (blondes excepted), and zombie like movements demanding the brains of a v14gra man.

Ooooo, this is scary! (1)

mranchovy (595176) | about 9 years ago | (#12112651)

....and cannot possibly be yet another April Fool's gag. I'm covering my keyboard with plastic right now!



(not)

No wonder the SA joke sounds so real this morning (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112658)

Who will believe such a joke ... not even in slashdot

OH please (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112660)

This is worse than the worst. The BBC halflife thing was better

spokesmen were quoted as saying (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112661)

"nyuck nyuck nyuck"

*sighs* (1)

Devalia (581422) | about 9 years ago | (#12112662)

I guess it's bad luck to do these after 12pm? Couldnt we have standardised on an earlier time zone cos they get rather annyoing after a while.. say 7 hours ago BST :(

it's definitely AFTER 12 noon (1)

Herbster (641217) | about 9 years ago | (#12112666)

Come on now, everyone knows April Fool's jokes have to be done BEFORE 12 noon else it doesn't count!

wait...

this must be REAL! cos SURELY CmdrTaco wouldn't make a mistake like that above!!!!! *reaches for alcohol wipes*

;)

Are we the 1st April ? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112667)

Probably an April's Fool.

At least the April Fools Jokes are more blatant (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112669)

Around here they used to be clever hoaxes that would anger many, but now... it gives you a nice warm smile as you realize that it's too obvious.

April Fools (1)

drspliff (652992) | about 9 years ago | (#12112672)

Come on people.. hundereds of thousands of geeks read slashdot every day, and we can only come up with trash like this?

Anybody have suggestions

This is getting stupid (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112676)

Grow up guys. One fake story is funny but anything past that is childish.

Is it any wonder why some people laugh at /.?

Lame Lame Lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112679)

By any chance is this an April Fool's joke on the /. crowd?

p/owened

oh yeah 1st post!

Hopefully it can be stopped (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112680)

Oh my god! I hope it doesn't affect my Linux servers!

It's after noon (1)

sapbasisnerd (729448) | about 9 years ago | (#12112683)

In much of the /. reading world and more importanly according to the /. system clock and I was always told that April Fool's pranks played after noon work in reverse, they make the teller the April Fool.

802.11 (2, Funny)

NotoriousQ (457789) | about 9 years ago | (#12112686)

Phew. I was afraid that those 802.11 chips I had embedded into myself made me more susceptible to the virus. But seeing how it only spreads through the keyboard...... .....uh oh...... I knew I should have implanted a usb keyboard driver chip as well. Well I will go find a plastic bubble / faraday cage combo, and will sit there untill this thing blows over.

I will see you later.

Enough (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112688)

Yeah, the whole April Fools articles got old about 12 hours ago... lets move on pleash!

April Fool's (1, Redundant)

balster neb (645686) | about 9 years ago | (#12112696)

It's bad enough that Slashdot's front page is dominated by April fool's day jokes on this day of the year, but the least they can do is to try to put GOOD ones. Ones that actually make you laugh, for instance.

Fuck me in the ass! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112697)

Fuck me in the ass!

Enough is enough (1)

IamLarryboy (176442) | about 9 years ago | (#12112700)

Taco! Can we PLEASE abandon this horrid practice of nothing but bullshit all day on April fools. IT JUST ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE! But I am sure all this hate won't help. Just fix you fscking site! please.

Burning, Itching Feeling (1)

Artie_Effim (700781) | about 9 years ago | (#12112703)

Crap, I like totally have that. I think I have it. I itch and sneeze and cough and, oh wait ... IS THIS ANOTHER FUCKING APRIL FOOLS JOKE???? Assholes, could you please not try to scare me like that. Oh My God, I think I'm having a slashdot stress induced heart attack. I I'm suing all you bastards !!

OMG (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112705)

I have to stop touching myself.

My God You Guys Are Slow (1)

StefanoB (775596) | about 9 years ago | (#12112711)

4 more hours and April 1 2005 is finished. Hopefully the pope by then too so we can get on with our lifes.

Cheers,

Stefano

REPOST (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112713)

you guys made this post last week!

come on read your own articles!

Please stop (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112715)

Just stop.

Please.

It is not even fun anymore.

You ruined April's Fool day you insensitive clods!

Oh crap (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112716)

I think I may have caught this virus from a certain website because I started growing hair on my palms after I visited it.

Taco Taco Taco CmdrTaco! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112721)

It seems as though, on April First, is the only time Taco really does his job, which isn't serious at all.

Stop posting Stupid Stories and Jokes and get back to what you are good at! DUPES DUPES DUPES DUPES!

I pity the fool (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112725)

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Vel quisque erat urna tempus, non mollis scelerisque, imperdiet id sem a, suscipit ac a nec, diam in aliquam nam. Quam platea id curabitur, sapien etiam neque, mauris per nulla, lectus pretium morbi praesent, in lorem ut urna. Hendrerit nunc urna arcu. Maecenas pellentesque lobortis. Dapibus et congue nulla eget tempor, donec pede, nonummy neque, curabitur sollicitudin qui etiam duis erat etiam. Eu est nonummy. Est nibh in tempus lacus molestie vitae, sem reiciendis montes diam odio. Earum velit et ultricies mus id sit, a interdum, est lorem vehicula vel, aliquam amet dui placerat egestas. Elit ut nulla mauris, magna est sed aliquam odio, non viverra lorem dolor vitae eu, volutpat dictum. At velit a est quam, non velit, ut nunc elit, aenean praesent lorem proin at sed. Dui nonummy lorem et erat erat, aliquam imperdiet cubilia, viverra ut est condimentum ad eu.

Molestie orci, a urna in, sem consequat lectus rhoncus. Quis feugiat, nibh justo lectus facilisis lectus, ac pellentesque praesent sem erat magna non, maecenas lorem, dui turpis torquent. Neque nec aliquam euismod rutrum elementum condimentum, cras eu ut. Netus donec. Pede vivamus adipiscing tortor. Mauris vestibulum magna pellentesque felis luctus, fringilla malesuada id hic. Per quisque condimentum vulputate elit sed enim, ipsum eros, urna tempor, pellentesque aenean. Tristique amet suscipit, malesuada non facilisi a wisi, cursus doloremque, sagittis neque nec dictum feugiat tellus vel, blandit tellus. Libero rutrum curabitur purus odio fermentum ante, egestas pellentesque ut vestibulum ac, fringilla euismod adipiscing, sed pellentesque, montes molestie vel. Nulla commodo ut orci, sapien velit, amet primis ac dui, donec arcu. Hendrerit vitae, tincidunt pellentesque pulvinar maecenas, mauris mi conubia pede, enim consectetuer ac curae morbi eget fermentum.

Non adipiscing at. Aliquam facilisis, elementum ut amet ultrices. Nec enim per, sodales ligula amet et et ipsum ultrices, ligula sit, a justo ultrices, posuere leo ac. Sint massa nulla massa, sit mi amet leo. Enim eu justo sagittis lectus ut tortor, at volutpat vulputate turpis tellus. Massa vitae dolor et euismod aenean, et vestibulum interdum quam, nibh arcu sed a vivamus, convallis proin mattis tristique. Pharetra egestas tortor, ornare leo iaculis augue ut, sem enim tellus eu lorem tincidunt. Felis et metus sodales elementum pellentesque, ipsum arcu tortor semper vel, tellus vestibulum vel, mollis aenean sollicitudin non consectetur erat, pellentesque interdum nec vel posuere in.

Eget porttitor quo pharetra netus, est morbi donec nulla sapien faucibus, sed imperdiet, nec suspendisse ac tellus. Sodales eleifend amet non velit urna elementum, pede dignissim elementum convallis, nam ultrices phasellus dolore felis donec fames, non ac, tortor in. Dapibus risus, non nibh sed suscipit. Vestibulum sit pede mi bibendum et nulla. Maecenas amet et enim laoreet. A quis odio velit ridiculus turpis, cursus sed eu praesent et nulla sed, amet suspendisse nulla, felis vulputate pulvinar urna. Tellus sit, amet nulla morbi. Ante habitasse.

Lectus neque turpis nulla lectus, odio sociis sed sed non pede, natoque porttitor quis vel in velit, ac suspendisse fringilla ultrices molestie sed. Vehicula eros, tellus integer quam vestibulum odio vitae. Ut ut elit donec vehicula et, tortor ut imperdiet odio aliquam volutpat at, ultrices quis turpis dolor nisl ridiculus commodo, id porta vel rem. Mauris hendrerit metus ut quisque nibh, at velit neque, imperdiet ante turpis porttitor. Lacus nec rutrum morbi nam ipsum, mauris non tempus voluptate ac, turpis hendrerit erat in mollis dolor eu. Lacus aut, malesuada lectus nulla ligula amet et egestas. Lectus suspendisse, molestie urna cras vulputate quis eget, et habitasse vel eget, tellus tincidunt sapien bibendum ante commodo ante, lobortis fusce erat augue sed magna.

Fusce morbi imperdiet, eleifend felis. Dapibus ut, sed vitae, aliquam pede rutrum massa turpis varius vel, sagittis donec. Turpis donec orci urna, libero sapien amet sed malesuada, nibh pellentesque aliquam nunc tempor consequat, urna nec dolor condimentum integer velit, lorem in. Magna penatibus nec morbi ligula dui, quisque maecenas enim auctor dolor. Varius vel, enim dis condimentum, scelerisque ultricies vestibulum justo. Orci quisque donec aliquam, posuere tellus, duis mauris et mauris sit, ut sed.

faFgOrz (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112734)

more stable that comprise but I'd raTher hear continues in a

Announcement from the White House (3, Funny)

AtariAmarok (451306) | about 9 years ago | (#12112736)

President George W. Bush: "In response to this human catastrophe, I am calling Kuala Lampur right now to recall the ambassador to Malwarlaria."

pebcak (1)

icebrrrg (123867) | about 9 years ago | (#12112743)

It spreads through contact with keyboards on infected PCs

that's not all that spreads through keyboards. apparently, there's a little-known (but rampant!) problem circulating throughout the workaday world. the only ones who know the true scope of this ever-growing malaise are IT support staff. what is it? the official name pebcak, in l33tsp33k referred to as id10-t.

Even Better Joke (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112754)

Wouldn't a true Slashdot April Fools Joke be one where all the articles throughout the day WEREN'T fake?

Funniest april fool... (2, Funny)

EpsCylonB (307640) | about 9 years ago | (#12112797)

Apparently there was a bmw ad in a british newspaper advertising "the worlds first hands free steering wheel due to a EU ban on right hand drive cars".

Also on bbc radio 2 they pretended that a memorial to the queen mum was going to be lump of granite placed in pall mall. Lots of of people got quite upset about it, funny really.

Most boring day on slashdot (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112810)

Today was the most boring day on slashdot, with stories that 10 year olds would not believe. And we are supposed to call them april fool's jokes?

THESE STUPID APRIL FOOLS JOKES FUCKING SUCK (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112824)

Way too much april fools crap... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112842)

It's time to vaporize all this nonsense: I'm tired of being yanked around by every previously-credible site I visit daily. Put a duck in the header and knock it off.

Easy solution to this virus (1)

WillAffleckUW (858324) | about 9 years ago | (#12112856)

Unplug your keyboard.

Unplug your telephone.

Pull out the battery to your cell phone.

Pull out the battery to your beeper.

Take a deep cleansing breath and think about fluffy bunnies in a verdant field of flowers.

Say "I wish it was April" five times while walking widdershins around your Hybrid Car.

And you're cured!

I think they've topped... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#12112869)

I think the Slashdot staff has topped (or bottomed?) last years horrible April Fools issue. I mean come on, what is this like the 12th one today? I mean NOBODY believed the Tiger Woods story... C'mon do you think we're all FOOLS?
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