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Snails Edge Out ADSL

timothy posted more than 9 years ago | from the little-tiny-station-wagons dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 205

Anonymous writes "Dear Sirs, Following our experiment last year, and after long preparations, we have successfully proved that certain gastropods called African giant snails can be faster then ADSL and ... pigeons. The system we have used, called SNAP (SNAil-based data transfer Protocol), uses biological carriers (snails), and, for the first time, taking advantages of the unique merits of the wheel for data transfer. More details can be found here."

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Snails? (5, Funny)

PunkOfLinux (870955) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354095)

So... we can expect new snail-mail any day soon?

Re:Snails? (5, Funny)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354321)

I'm ready for mine - got the garlic butter and everything.

Guess you all will have to put up with significant "carrier losses".

Re:Snails? (2, Interesting)

i.r.id10t (595143) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354412)

Naw, you need a hammer and some corn meal. To fry the catfish with. The ones you catch using the snails as bait.

Re:Snails? (1)

sumdumass (711423) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354846)

i never had much luck catching catfish with snails. Do they realy work? I usualy use chuhbs or bluegill cut in half.

Re:Snails? (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355009)

snails as bait
I used spaghetti (long story). It worked great.

Re:Snails? (2, Funny)

shadowbearer (554144) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354511)

Snail over Satellite; Cooked In Transit with the finest microwaves.
Fresh at Your Door

Condiments at your option

Re:Snails? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354693)

Naw, it would be more like waiting for a mail snail. The delivery is slow, but that transfer rate...

The joys of DVDs...

Encapsulation Idea (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12355133)

An idea for the SNAP experiment. What if a form of compression was used to compress the data transfered thru snap. Similar to the 5x as fast dialup proxy services!!!

Or an even larger potential increase would be to piggy back a few more data wheels on the snail cart..

I am unsure of a snails lifting capacties but I would guess based on the picture provided he is not even stressed at this point... what if you added say another 10 dvd's on his chassis?

Now if he could make the trek at the same speed this would increase the SNAP xfer speed to 222,000 a HUGE 6fold increase!!! though I could potentiall see it only being able to increase it 5fold as I would speculate he would be weighed down and incumbered. I eagerly await the test results.

(Another potential would be the travling from a higher altitude to a lower might even increase his speed more?

Cool (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354098)

Linux still sucks.. so does Firefox.

LONG LIVE MICROSOFT!

Re:Cool (1)

eno2001 (527078) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354361)

Oh. For a second there, I thought you might have had something important to say. But apparently I was mistaken. Of course, as they say, only time will tell.

Re:Cool (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12355006)

What did you have to say/contribute that merited turning on your karma bonus, hypocrite?

Re:Cool (1)

eno2001 (527078) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355149)

Turning on my karma bonus? Don't you mean turning it off? It's on by default as it should be. I have the option to not use it if I don't want to, but I only do that when posting something that is really WAYYYYY off topic. Settle down there spunky, you might bust a nut or something. Hypocrite? Care to elaborate?

African VS European giant snails (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354099)

Soldier 1- African giant snails CAN be faster then ADSL.

Soldier 2- Oh, yeah, an African giant snail maybe, but not a European giant snail. That's my point.

Re:African VS European giant snails (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354112)

Yea those africans sure can run....

Re:African VS European giant snails (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354120)

Are you suggesting snails are miGRATory?

Re:African VS European giant snails (2, Funny)

Jabberu (738908) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354167)

Pish posh! I still contest nothing beats the african swallow. Snails? Now that's just crazy talk...

Re:African VS European giant snails (2, Funny)

lostwanderer147 (829316) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354239)

What is the ground-speed velocity of an unladen snail?

Is that an African giant snail or a European giant snail?

The answer may have deep implications on the future of snail-mail.

Re:African VS European giant snails (4, Funny)

Eccles (932) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354426)

But then African giant snails are non-migratory.

Re:African VS European giant snails (1)

Dorothy 86 (677356) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354445)

Oh yeah. :-(

Nothing for you to see here. Please move along. (1)

jeremy_dot (734236) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354101)

Nothing for you to see here. Please move along.

The perfect line to see on my ADSL line...

Re:Nothing for you to see here. Please move along. (1)

dgatwood (11270) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354963)

What's funny here is that, at least compared to my ADSL line, the snails are faster, not only in terms of raw bandwidth, but also in terms of latency. :-D

Maybe it's just me.

First Post (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354105)

Slow as a snail but still fast enough for a first post.

Today is April 26th (4, Insightful)

nizo (81281) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354111)

But I bet it is April 1 in some universe somewhere [slashdot.org] . I wonder if a grain or two of salt increases throughput or causes more transmission errors?

Re:Today is April 26th (5, Funny)

SuneSpeg (662034) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354230)

Yes it will make a transmission error, but due to the nature of tcp/ip it wont be a big problem.
However it means that each time you step on a snail from now on, you will have to pick it up, look at the source adress, and send back an icmp code 11,0 (time to live expired in transit).

Re:Today is April 26th (1)

shadowbearer (554144) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354720)

Given the density of today's communications, that would give a new meaning to the term "Dancing as Fast as I can". Man,the latency would suck worse than AOL in '99, and the data flow would generate lawsuits (Hey, you mowed a swath thru my porn stream, asshole! I missed the best part!)

Event_Lost_Packets(Stepped_On:code[Omega])
Event_Lost_Packets(Pesticide_Application:code[Back Bone_Failure][Omega])
Event_Lost_Packets(Bird_Swarm:code[Random_Noise][O mega])


oh, nm, I'm drunk :)

thanks for the laugh, I needed it

SB

Re:Today is April 26th (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354831)

TTL, LOL, good one

Re:Today is April 26th (1)

strook (634807) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354544)

Given that snails explode when you put salt on them, it would probably cause some lost packets.

Or to use the technical term, the snails slime to death [answerbag.com] .

Yeah... (1)

meatflower (830472) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354117)

But what if I step on the snail? Then you can beat it with dial-up, and thats just sad.

Damn Lag! (2, Funny)

eriksmithtex (658265) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354125)

Yeah but the lag sucks!

Re:Damn Lag! (1)

swimin (828756) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354287)

Lag is measured in days!

Snail recipes... (3, Funny)

creimer (824291) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354126)

I didn't see any snail recipes. Are they cooked French- or African-style? Are there any stores in the U.S. that sell these snails?

I didn't know that /. was turning into the Food Network. :P

Re:Snail recipes... (4, Funny)

Bad D.N.A. (753582) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354335)

Pretty soon we will hear all about how the kids-these-days have figured out that when the anus of the snail is properly licked it will induce a fantastic high.... Thus this new technology will be banned by the department of homeland security.

But of course... (5, Funny)

Tuxedo Jack (648130) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354129)

Nothing beats the sheer bandwidth of a 767 filled with dual-layer DVDs sent hurtling at some destination.

Re:But of course... (4, Funny)

nebaz (453974) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354163)

There are some latency issues though.

Re:But of course... (1)

Neurotoxic666 (679255) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354180)

Honnestly, between packing the plane with dual layer DVDs or 300gb+ hard drives, the latter's got more bandwidth. And I'm sure an Übergeek will come up in a few minutes with something even nicer

Re:But of course... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354244)

Unless that destination is a tower.

What? Someone had to say it.

Re:But of course... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354374)

I predict you will get -1 troll because the burger eating murder monkeys hate you. AND DONT TELL ME TO STOP DRINKING.

^____________________________________^

Actually, that's easy to beat. (3, Funny)

melted (227442) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354288)

Just load the same 767 with 500GB Hitachi hard drives.

Re:Actually, that's easy to beat. (1)

ari_j (90255) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354350)

Or a 747 or A380. For that matter, an oil tanker converted to haul hard drive platters would give far greater throughput, although even worse latency and, if you take the platters out of the drive cases to increase throughput, you may get some increase in data loss.

Re:Actually, that's easy to beat. (2, Funny)

Profane MuthaFucka (574406) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355095)

I can beat that. How about a planet called Earth, with all of the hard drives, CDs, DVDs, memory sticks, grocery lists, and cuneiform tablets that are on it. Sort of a token ring. Maximum latency anywhere on the ring is one year.

Re:Actually, that's easy to beat. (2, Funny)

dangitman (862676) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355077)

Just load the same 767 with 500GB Hitachi hard drives.

Yeah, but you'd have to load them into the cargo bay perpendicularly to get the highest bandwidth.

Re:But of course... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354324)

Except for the Space Shuttle loaded with 500GB drives. Though probably the acceleration at liftoff would break them all, so we may have to revert to DVDs anyway. But 17,460mph vs 550mph is still almost 32 times faster and probably a comparable payload capacity.

Re:But of course... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354358)

Ack! The latency will certainly suck. Think of the loading and unloading times and all the trouble you have to go through at the airports these days... Not to mention customs delays.

WRONG (1)

eobanb (823187) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354430)

an Antonov AN-225 filled with blu-ray discs

Re:But of course... (5, Funny)

Junior J. Junior III (192702) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354871)

Nothing beats the sheer bandwidth of a 767 filled with dual-layer DVDs sent hurtling at some destination.

That's how they slashdotted the WTC back in '01.

Horrible Joke (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354999)

Somehow I dont think the families of the 3000+ dead are laughing at this horrible joke.

Re:Horrible Joke (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12355078)

Meanwhile, I don't think that the families of the 50,000+ "dead" (first estimates gave that as a bare minimum) would mind too much.

ping sucks (3, Funny)

nmosfet (770062) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354132)

The ping on that must suck really bad though.
If you want a really high bandwidth, get a truckload of hard drives.

I don't know about you... (5, Funny)

0x461FAB0BD7D2 (812236) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354133)

I just don't trust anything that starts with "Dear Sir" from Africa, especially when it concerns something quite unbelievable.

Re:I don't know about you... (3, Funny)

WonderSnatch (835677) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354275)

This is from Israel [cia.gov] . Israel is not in Africa, it is in Asia. Please see a map for further details.

Re:I don't know about you... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354520)

He's talking about the fact that they're African SNAILS, you insensitive clod! Didn't even read the article, did you? Just saw the link ended with ".il" and thought you'd "show him", right?

What's the Ping Time? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354141)

Sure there's lot's of bandwidth, but the latency is horible.

Nonsense (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354148)

Is it news drought at Slashdot? Perhaps Slashdot should change the slogan to News for idiots. Stuff that makes you want to leave...

Snails edge out ADSL? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354151)

Wow, Time Warner Cable is right, Road Runner Broadband is much faster than ADSL, especially since snails can outperform ADSL. ;D

In the blog (4, Funny)

LittleLebowskiUrbanA (619114) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354160)

He talks about an Australian lawyer who patented the wheel.

"In particular, Mr. John Keogh, a Melbourne lawyer, was issued in 2001 a patent for "a circular transportation facilitation device", more commonly known as a wheel.

And people talk trash about America's patent system. Looks like we're not the only ones with problems.

Re:In the blog (2, Insightful)

mrmojo (841397) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354201)

Well that's what you get when you constantly 'harmonize' your country's IP laws with US laws in return for trade.

Re:In the blog (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354232)

Australia would like to that you for your Free Trade Agreement.

That is all.

SHIT! (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354161)

We slashdotted a snail!

Re:SHIT! (1, Funny)

ozmanjusri (601766) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354353)

We slashdotted a snail!

Wouldn't that be "Splashdotted"?

Moores Law & other predictions. (4, Funny)

EmbeddedJanitor (597831) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354480)

Moores Law: Next year's snails will be faster and carry 2GB.

IBM: The world will only need five snails.

DEC: Nobody wants a snail in their home.

Microsoft: The new Longhorned snail is shipping.

You forgot... (1)

game kid (805301) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354619)

Apple: You can bring an snail home, take it out of the box, and be cruising the internet in less than ten minutes.

(or is it an iSnail?)

Re:SHIT! (1)

Darth McBride (749942) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354675)

It should be OK as long as we don't saltdot him. We may experience a loss of connection at that point...

think of the latency! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354170)

Pinging www.google.com [64.233.167.147] with 32 bytes of data:

Reply from 64.233.167.147: bytes=32 time=8220000ms TTL=238
Reply from 64.233.167.147: bytes=32 time=8220000ms TTL=238
Reply from 64.233.167.147: bytes=32 time=8220000ms TTL=238
Reply from 64.233.167.147: bytes=32 time=8220000ms TTL=238

Too funny! (4, Funny)

Rick Zeman (15628) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354171)

In some regions, most notably France, culinary habits may pose a denial-of-service (DOS) risk.

Not legal in US (2, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354172)

I don't think you are allowed to bring African Giant snails in the US without a special permit. They reproduce very quickly and are quite destructive to vegitaion.

Though I though African giant snails were the size of a fist.

What happens if the snail dies along the way? (2, Funny)

Xeo 024 (755161) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354174)

Does it say "dropped packet"?

Re:What happens if the snail dies along the way? (2, Funny)

biryokumaru (822262) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354247)

Whenever those pigeons fly over me, I'm always afraid of getting hit by dropped packets... =/

Re:What happens if the snail dies along the way? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354906)

you can shove it up your ass, you stupid bastard.

There's already a SNAPv2 coming out... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354191)

...that uses compression and decompression at the endpoints to increase bandwidth, but they're having some technical issues at the decompression step that might cause the release date to slip.

Re:There's already a SNAPv2 coming out... (1)

PinkFreud (51474) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354216)

Actually, I think that the technical difficulties happen at the compression step - once compressed, the data tends to go nowhere.

Not an April Fool's joke... (1)

parasonic (699907) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354202)

Beats the TCP-like pigeon spec [faqs.org] RFC1149.

Re:Not an April Fool's joke... (1)

morbuz (592480) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354449)

Which was implemented by Bergen Linux User Group in 2001 :)

http://www.blug.linux.no/rfc1149/ [linux.no]

*OT* stupid flash advert... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354215)

that stupid advert [osdn.com] on the main page actually extends over the main content, capturing clicks, rendering links useless..

omgwtfbbq!

How many chips does it take... (1)

ShineyMcShine (799387) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354237)

to beat out adsl? How many 1 GB SD Flash chips can an African giant snail carry on its back?

Hehe - first thought: (2, Interesting)

starseeker (141897) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354260)

Ig Nobel Prize!

Easy to DOS attack (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354261)

Just add a little salt and down goes the network.

Re:Easy to DOS attack (1)

utlemming (654269) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355056)

Yeah, but that is more of a DOS. If you want to do malicious sniffing, then put out a dish of beer. The snails will be drawn to the beer, as opposed to being repelled by the salt. Then they get into the dish and drink themselves to death. This is a Garden Center trick which works very, very well.

yes (3, Funny)

soimless (651224) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354265)

I for one welcome our new african snail overloards. But I wonder how the email service you get with our snail overloars would compare to my curent ADSL provider

A possible hitch. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354297)

Let's just hope these snails don't pass through France. Little fuckers won't stand a chance.

hahahaha (1)

iosmart (624285) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354307)

From the article: "The third and foremost [advantage] is that unlike pigeons, ADSL doesn't shit [humorvillage.com] on your head, or on your car."

Fast, but fast enough? (1)

NeoSkink (737843) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354340)

How does it compare to S.W.O.D.V.D.T.P?

AKA Station Wagons o' DVDs?

Beware (3, Insightful)

Jeremi (14640) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354354)

Oh sure, it sounds good at first, but beware of the Curse of the Fast Snails [angryflower.com] !

Beware of Trojan Snails - You May be Infected. (1)

refactored (260886) | more than 9 years ago | (#12355020)

Bilharzia [schisto.org] , one of Africa's nastiest "payloads".

Best Quote? (2, Funny)

rjhall (80887) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354360)

I think:
"In particular, French users will have to choose whether they want to be served data-ex-cargo or an escargot."
comes near the top of the list.

Hang on, lets establish some standards here... (3, Informative)

spagetti_code (773137) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354365)

The problem is that they were comparing snails travelling over very short distances (cms) to pigeons travelling 100km. To take that to its illogical conclusion, a photon (carrying, say, 8 bits of color information) travels 1um in 1/3x10^14 secs. Therefore this is carrying 3x10^14 bytes/sec or about 300Tbytes/sec. That rivals the 747 carrying DVDs.

I think if we are going to establish bandwidth records we need to establish distance too. I suggest 100kms is probably a pretty good minimum measure to make sense.

Re:Hang on, lets establish some standards here... (1)

ICECommander (811191) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354399)

That would be 8 photons (qubits) and 1/3x10^-14

That expirement is flawed (2, Insightful)

Chris Kamel (813292) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354377)

Shouldn't the time to burn the dvds be calculated and added to the transfer time?

And I'm trying so hard to take this seriously

Re:That expirement is flawed (1)

Ziviyr (95582) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354969)

Definitely! As well as read time on the other end, if applicable.

IT COULD GRIP IT BY THE HUSK! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354415)

"faster then"? Didn't they teach you grammar?

transatlanticism (0, Redundant)

fallendove (875598) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354462)

Unfortunately, some users mistook "it's cargo" for "escargot" and reported data loss.

From snails point of view, data rate ~= 0 bps (1)

davidwr (791652) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354476)

From the snail article linked:
"If measured by the moving snail itself, times would have been a bit shorter, according to Einstein's relativity theory, resulting in slightly greater bps rates."

If measured by the moving snail itslef, the data would be moving at approximately 0 meters per second, therefore, 0 bits per second. However, the source and destination would be moving relative to the carrier.

THAN, for the love of... THAN! (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12354539)

Dear Editors:

Faster THAN. Faster THAN. Faster THAN.

Same as:

Smarter THAN. Better THAN. Other THAN. Fatter THAN. Uglier THAN. Costs more THAN. Performs better THAN. More difficult THAN. Takes more effort THAN. Tastes better THAN. Prints more clearly THAN. More structured THAN. More anonymous THAN. More cowardly THAN. More falsely THAN.

Basic idea:

THAN - used in comparison statements.
THEN - used to demonstrate cause-and-effect

CRAP, damn snails (1)

TK2K (834353) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354613)

DAMNIT!!! the snails get less ping then i do!!! Wonder if there any good at Counter Strike?

weee (2, Funny)

katpants (879242) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354655)

I can now proudly say that my school [uah.edu] 's internet connection is literally slower than a snail (10Mbps).

Hah! (1)

breakbeatninja (846922) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354683)

How long will it be until Alan Cox makes a real world implementation for Linux? :-P

cute, but (0, Redundant)

wk633 (442820) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354751)

but 'faster than ADSL' in bandwidth only. Latency is important too- and for biological carrier class in general- sucks.

Now, that's is a helluva fun (2, Funny)

Tamerlan (817217) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354769)

But let's see...

  • Trained dog with a 400GB HDD on neck
  • A cat with a bunch of Blu-rays glued to her back (Yay!)
  • A goose with SD cards attached to rings
  • Pony with a wagon full of microdrives (whoa!)

will easily beat that!

Confucius say: (1)

themuffinking (826948) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354779)

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon filled with backup tapes.

This has nothing (1)

GoClick (775762) | more than 9 years ago | (#12354848)

This has nothing on an 18 wheeler full 300GB hard drives clipping down the highway. Or atleast a camel with some hard drives taped to it...
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