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Cars that Can't Crash?

Zonk posted more than 9 years ago | from the first-engineer-humans-that-can-drive dept.

Microsoft 921

johnsee writes "Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash. The future of cars according to Gates will involve high-definition screens, speech recognition technology, cameras, digital calendars and navigation equipment with directions and road conditions." From the article: "Also on Friday, Microsoft unveiled its Performance Peak Initiative -- a line of computer systems to help the auto industry better coordinate supply chains, streamline design, production and sales and fill vehicles with computer gadgets."

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921 comments

And the winner is... (5, Funny)

winkydink (650484) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422675)

For best straight line ever seen on Slashdot:

Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.

Get your bets in now! (0, Redundant)

markv242 (622209) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422753)

How many redundant posts will we see in this thread?

Re:And the winner is... (5, Funny)

lawpoop (604919) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422764)

Milliseconds before impact, the entire windshields and all the windows go blue.

Re:And the winner is... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422786)

Well done WinkyDink. Now all the comments that follow yours may be marked "-1 redundant"

And the loser is... (4, Funny)

Roadkills-R-Us (122219) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422792)

...everyone.

This is the scariest thing I have ever seen.

Perhaps the Dept of Homeland Security should notify the president that Microsoft and Ford are working on WMDs!

Re:And the winner is... (3, Funny)

Doug Merritt (3550) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422803)

Obligatory:

1. Profit!

2. Cars that don't crash.

3. Software that doesn't crash.

Microsoft's "crazy like a fox" reverse scheme...

Re:And the winner is... (5, Funny)

stretch0611 (603238) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422816)

So the company that is synonomous with "Blue Screen Of Death" is going to put there software in cars from the company that stands for "Fix Or Repair Daily" to build a car that won't crash?

Re:And the winner is... (4, Funny)

srmalloy (263556) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422822)

"You can have your BSOD in any color, as long as it's black."

FIRST! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422678)

ME ME ME ME ME!

Definition of Irony: (1, Troll)

TripMaster Monkey (862126) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422679)


A car that can't crash...proposed by a software company whose products can't keep from crashing...

Hey! Don't you mod me down! I'm only saying what we're all thinking.

Re:Definition of Irony: (0, Troll)

Rinikusu (28164) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422746)

It's true.

In order to "crash" a vehicle, it needs to be working to begin with. If your car is BSOD'd in the driveway, I think that qualifies.

Slashdot Feature request (1, Offtopic)

Joe U (443617) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422843)

I would like to request a feature for slashcode.

Instead of just fans and foes, can we have an option to flag 'annoying schmucks who have nothing of value to contribute'? I have a list of about 30 from this article alone, and I didn't want to clutter up my foe list.

Thanks.

Re:Definition of Irony: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422752)

HAAHHAAH funny, you forgot to type in all caps and scream about the evil M$ though.

Try harder next time.

Can't Crash? (5, Funny)

-kertrats- (718219) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422680)

I smell an episode of Fear Factor in the making....

Clearly! (-1, Redundant)

ShaniaTwain (197446) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422683)

Because computers never crash!, 'specially ones running Microsoft products huh?

Maybe it's just me... (1, Redundant)

keithcstone (665801) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422684)

but should Gates be working on a OS that doesn't crash first?

Can't crash? (0, Redundant)

lukewarmfusion (726141) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422685)

"Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash."

Oh, it's too perfect!

What about an OS which "can not crash"??? (5, Funny)

PaulBu (473180) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422686)

... to begin with...

Paul B.

Cars that can't crash? (0, Redundant)

nick.gibson (880673) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422687)

Right. Because MS has such a good track record preventing things from crashing . . . (FP woohoo!)

MS software controlling your car? (1, Redundant)

daemonc (145175) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422689)

Gives a whole new meaning to "Blue Screen of Death".

Microsoft cant crash? (1, Redundant)

ValuJet (587148) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422690)

Maybe microsoft should develop a PC that can't crash, then work its way up to cars.

Cue jokes... (4, Funny)

nacturation (646836) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422692)

Blue Windshield of Death jokes in 3... 2... 1...

Actuall it would be... (1)

jfb3 (25523) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422844)

That would be the "Red Win@Shield Of Death"

Huh???? (1)

suso (153703) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422693)

Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.

????

I'm speechless, I really am.

That's a joke. (0, Redundant)

karmatic (776420) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422694)

Somehow, I can't see Microsoft actually making a OS that won't crash; much less an actual vehicle.

Talk about your Blue Screen of Death.

Surely you mean.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422806)

Red screen of death..?

Market Leader (1, Redundant)

worm eater (697149) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422696)

Because, as we all know, Microsoft is the market leader in not crashing.

my head... (5, Funny)

nanojath (265940) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422698)

microsoft...

can't crash...

must... make... joke... before head explodes...

Re:my head... (1)

JPelorat (5320) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422796)

...or your tires.

Irony (1, Redundant)

Kingofearth (845396) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422699)

Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.

May I be the first to point out the irony of that statement.

Re:Irony (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422788)

No, you may not.

Re:Irony (4, Funny)

-kertrats- (718219) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422850)

May I be the first

No.

The jokes write themselves (1)

stoolpigeon (454276) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422700)

It's like a train wreck-- I wont want to look but later I'll be back to see the poor windows/crash jokes.

Ford?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422703)

We won't have to worry about them not crashing, as they'll fall apart long before you even get on the road. /only half joking.

The only way Microsoft can make a crash-free thing (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422704)

... is if it won't start at all!

Obligatory (0, Flamebait)

gsasha (550394) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422706)

Cars that cannot crash, heh. Running Microsoft software. M-m, now that's funny.

Cars that don't crash from microsoft (1)

prurientknave (820507) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422707)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

That will be all =)

So that blue-screen you see is the sky? (1)

team99parody (880782) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422708)

Or the ocean? As Windows drives off the bridge?

Of course, as an aspiring memeber of Team99 [slashdot.org] I must point out that all this will be fixed with Longhorn

Must resist temptation.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422709)

Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.

arghh (1)

rbochan (827946) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422710)

So many crash jokes.... quiver...

Microsoft... Can't Crash... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422711)

I just can't say it.

Aaaarrghh!!.. (1)

cOdEgUru (181536) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422713)

Stand back!! Its a case of blinding irony!!!

Must have to do something with the "Urban_legend_tale" of the GM - M$ snub that they went with Ford instead..

That's what I want... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422714)

Microsoft Windows driving my car.

I'm sorry... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422715)

This is a joke waiting to happen, bye bye karma.

Hahah (1)

kff322 (752112) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422716)

lol Crash... I get it

Am I the only one... (1)

Stranger4U (153613) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422718)

...that things Gates should shoot for computers that don't crash before he wants cars that don't crash.

Just a thought.

Wait.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422719)

I think perhaps Ford is asking the wrong people about how to solve this problem....

Okay, Bill, first things first... (1)

Stormwatch (703920) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422720)

First, try to do that with your software. Then, we'll talk cars.

Old Joke (5, Funny)

AKAImBatman (238306) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422721)

Sorry, but this story is just begging for this old joke:

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this:

If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. (160,000km/hr)

Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.

In response to all this goading, GM issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microshaft has, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:"

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash at least twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no apparent reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
  5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT'. Then you would have to buy more seats.
  6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
  7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.
  8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.
  9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
  10. Occasioanlly, for no known reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither want them or need them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by fifty percent or more.
  12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

M$, eh? (0, Redundant)

static0verdrive (776495) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422722)

[oblig] So we're expecting Microsuft to design a car that doesn't crash? They can't get their operating systems to do that... who will feel safe in these damn things???

What about the fueling system of the future? (1)

MrSoundAndVision (836415) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422723)

I think that should be higher on the list of innovative technological research regarding automobiles than speech recognition systems.

Right... (0, Flamebait)

itoleck (304334) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422725)

Unlike their operating systems that definitely can crash.

This is called... (1)

bananahead (829691) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422726)

a target rich environment, even for Slashdot. I don't even know where to begin...

I am completely overwhelmed...

I can't function...

BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH

Who makes better crash-free products than MSFT? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422728)

They said the Titanic was "unsinkable"...

They said that M&Ms won't melt in your hands...

Don't believe the hype.

wow (1)

stabChmo (861088) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422729)

How about an OS that can't crash?

Roflmao (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422731)

Cars...Microsoft...can't...crash..... thud (me falling over dead on floor)

This is a joke right? (1)

eviloverlordx (99809) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422733)

I mean come on, Microsoft is in no position to be talking about anything that won't crash. Even their MS Concience '05 software just crashed in the last few days.

A few questions (5, Funny)

nizo (81281) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422737)

Eventually, Gates said, there could be a car that wouldn't let itself crash.

Will I have to pay yearly license fees to drive my car, or will it just one day swerve off the road if I let my licenses lapse? Can they catch a virus from neighboring cars at the parking lot? Will it come with Clippy? "Hello! you seem to be flying off the roadaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" (car flies off road, rolls, and catches on fire).

Must resist urge to make bluescreenofdeath jokes.....

I don't know... (1)

shigelojoe (590080) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422740)

If Microsoft is involved, doesn't that mean that they'll be crashing all of the time?

Re:I don't know... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422841)

If Microsoft is involved, doesn't that mean that they'll be crashing all of the time?

You got it all wrong. Microsoft is there to tell how things should be done. The car company will then do the opposite and result will be perfect!

Not what we need. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422741)

What we really need are programs that can't crash.

Uhoh ... (1)

ggvaidya (747058) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422742)

I sense a disturbance in a force, as if a million slashdotters all went and googled "if microsoft made cars" ...

Here's the content from the first link on Google [vbrad.com] :

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Amiga would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganise the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

Anyone willing to update it for the post-XP generation?

Souldn't MicroSoft..... (0, Redundant)

theManInTheYellowHat (451261) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422744)

Work on software that can't crash?

Sure I'm not the first to post that question....

doh (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422745)

how about an OS that cant crash first!

Cars 1, Windows 0 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422748)

"cars that can't crash"...

that would certainly give those cars a leg up on their operating system.

Oh, here we go... (1)

ChicagoFan (125489) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422749)

Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards cars that can't crash.



[insert your joke here]

huh? (2, Funny)

greenguy (162630) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422750)

Microsoft, designing something that can't crash? Is this some sort of new Slashdot super-typo?

this is a set-up right? (2, Insightful)

museumpeace (735109) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422754)

every /. reader in the world is gonna think "car that will never crash from the maker of the OS that will always crash?"

Cart before the horse (1, Redundant)

nganju (821034) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422755)


It's great that Microsoft is working on cars that can't crash.

Now if they would only start working on the same thing for operating systems...

Can't Crash? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422756)

"Microsoft" and "can't crash" don't seem appropriate together.

MS (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422757)

Countdown to first comment about Clippy and BSOD in;
3...2...1!

Yay, for repetitive discussions.

Don't crash. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422761)

How are they going to stop the cars from crashing when the windows still are.

First things first (1, Redundant)

symbolic (11752) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422766)


Before pushing for a car that can't crash, how about getting an OS that can't crash?

"I'm going to be late for dinner, dear...my car just bluescreened, and I'm doing 60 around this hair-pin curve here..."

How do they lead to fewer crashes? (4, Insightful)

EnronHaliburton2004 (815366) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422768)

Gates and Bill Ford Jr., Ford's chairman and chief executive, said high-definition screens, speech recognition technology, cameras, digital calendars and navigation equipment with directions and road conditions will set car companies apart from their competitors.

That's nice and all, but how will these technologies help cars to 'not crash'? It seems like a digital calendar will lead to more crashes.

Driver: "Car! I said DON"T CRASH! DON'T CRASH!"

Deer (1)

Therlin (126989) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422769)

This news come a little too late for the deer I ran into a month ago. Poor thing.

The only car that can't crash... (3, Insightful)

mtDNA (123855) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422770)

The only car that can't crash is one locked in a concrete room with no doors and no internet connection...

All these features: (1)

daveKfs (809861) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422772)

The future of cars according to Gates will involve high-definition screens, speech recognition technology, cameras, digital calendars and navigation equipment with directions and road conditions.

What about a stopwatch?

Where do you want to go today?! (1)

orangeguru (411012) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422774)

Do you want to break now?

[Yes][No][Cancel]

This is killing me! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422776)

Must....Not....Make...Obvious....Joke....Gaaaaahhh hh!!!

Edlin? (1)

Discordia (101) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422778)

I think that was the last MS product I used that I never saw crash. Not sure how you'd teach it to double-clutch though.

4:path=c:\dos\not_pr0n

Be careful (1)

Nom du Keyboard (633989) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422782)

I'd be real careful when using the [Eject] button after this.

Insurance Rates (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422785)

And I bet my insurance rates still won't go decrease, just like they didn't after seat belts and air bags became mandatory.

Hardly an achievment (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422793)

car that can't crash

They are proposing that we all ride around in one really big car so that no crashes are possible (other than crashing the one big car into a building or something stationary). I think experiences in mass transit show the one big car concept won't fly.

Cars that can't crash. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422799)

Article slim on details. How does having this fancy technology help towards the goal of eventually having cars that don't crash?

A new record.. (1)

bluprint (557000) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422801)

for most replies on slashdot moderated "redundant" starts now.

I can just see it (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422802)

Ford Explorer 2007 powered by WindShield ME

a whole new take on BSOD ..
but it comes with a DVD player system

at least Bridgestone/Firestone is staying out of this one

The Cars Can't Crash... (1)

RZeno (599572) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422804)

Because the software prevents them from moving ;) Except when the software crashes first of course :(

Cars that cannot crash? (1)

jjp5421 (659783) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422805)

I wish they would work on computers that wouldn't crash (with Windows installed). Jeff

first post? yes (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422808)

tada

Can't ya just see it? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422814)

Some snooty, late 30's, rich (by marriage) woman in a Ford SUV causing a multiple vehicle pileup and subsequent fire (Pinto, Probe) because she was too busy trying to decipher 'that computer language stuff'? What kind of error would that be called?

Another component another thing to break (1)

evilelvis (881116) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422815)

Looks like my Jeep is going to have to last me for the next 70 years or so.

If you put them on real rails, (4, Insightful)

Sai Babu (827212) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422817)

instead of these virtual things, they'd still crash. Trains do.

It gives a whole new meaning to...... (1)

8127972 (73495) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422818)

Those old Ford Jokes such as:

- Found On Roadside Dead
- Fix Or Repair Daily.

But there may be an upside. Any problem with your can quickly be solved by a reboot. Just like your Windows PC at home.

Seen all the jokes (1, Interesting)

LiquidCoooled (634315) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422826)

What about if MS actually pulls this off?

Having a standard OS running on standard hardware without any of the bloat of current Windows would be a good thing.

This ties in with his "it just works" thingy spouted a few days ago, and the linux pow wow they are planning.

MS aren't stupid and as much as we rip the piss, their OS has managed to pretty much dominate the OS market for over 10 years.

It might not be pretty, and it might not be perfect, but it gets there.

Having asid all that, wheres the list of cars, so I can avoid them ;)

Blue Screen of Death! (0)

kniLnamiJ-neB (754894) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422830)

[Checks calendar] Hmm... not April 1... Billy boy's trying a career as a comedian now?

This is too easy... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#12422835)

This is old news. Microsoft plans to repackage Windows 1.0 for automobiles, if the car can't boot it cannot crash.

but what about linux cars? (1)

yagu (721525) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422838)

Just curious, but will Microsoft open up their standards so when I am out and about in my linux car they will communicate appropriately and not crash? (I'd say I'm pretty confident my car isn't going to crash, but get really sweaty palms when I imagine Windows cars sharing the road with me...)

Okay, I'm done.... next!

Um...can't...crash? (2, Interesting)

GweeDo (127172) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422840)

This coming from the company that even makes fun of all its BSOD's in their games!

Enjoy the BSOD of Halo 2 [flickr.com]

Hang on... (1)

armer (533337) | more than 9 years ago | (#12422845)

Let's not jump all over microsoft for this. Most of the time, windows crashes are caused by something the user has done to change the system. If the automobile core software is locked out to changes, then the user can't add in anything that may cause the system to crash (latest driver, latest beta verison etc). The most stable system I have ever seen, is the one right after I finish loading the os on a clean drive...
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