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Balmer Vows to Kill Google

Zonk posted about 9 years ago | from the it-would-be-hard-to-kill-a-corporate-entity dept.

766

An anonymous reader writes "Probably due to the Microsoft suit against Google over human resources, some very heated exchanges have turned up in some court documents. Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer has apparently vowed to kill Internet search leader Google, according to documents filed in the increasingly bitter battle between the rivals." From the article: "At some point in the conversation, Mr. Ballmer said: 'Just tell me it's not Google,'' Lucovosky said in his statement. Lucovosky replied that he was joining Google. 'At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office,' Lucovosky recounted, adding that Ballmer then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. 'I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google.' Schmidt previously worked for Sun Microsystems and was the CEO of Novell."

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Is anger an emergent property of Satan? (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469673)

Discuss.

And First Post.

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan? (2, Funny)

/ASCII (86998) | about 9 years ago | (#13469704)

The picture of Ballmer in the article makes him look like a serial killer. He's just creepy.

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan? (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469769)

The picture of Ballmer in the article makes him look like a serial killer. He's just creepy.

It just looks a little odd [smh.com.au] because someone edited out the lightbulbs [spookshows.com] he was holding in each hand.

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469805)

Has anyone ever seen a picture where Ballmer does not:

- look like a psycho [wikipedia.org]
- look like a moron [wikipedia.org]
- look, jump and scream like a fucking gorilla with ADD on speed [ntk.net] (*cough* developers *cough*)

Anybody?

Thought so.

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan? (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469731)

Contrary to Google, Microsoft currently still makes money instead of getting VC-fuckcream shoved up its ass (Google's "business"-model).

One day, even the most fucked-up VC-"analysts" will come to their minds and recognize that AdSense is a money-cow for Russian and Chinese clickfraud-artists and nothing more.

(-1, Does-Not-Lick-Google's-Ass-Like-The-Rest-Of-Slashd ot)

Demons? (1, Informative)

mfh (56) | about 9 years ago | (#13469750)

I think anger may be a result of being in close contact with Satan, but it could also be a result of being in contact with God, for that matter.

I think Balmer is an idiot now, more than ever. He wants to destroy anyone who gets in his way, which means he is likely psychotic.

Which brings me to this [phk.ca] , a happy little picture I made to commemorate the Massachusetts Office Party.

Are you allowed to post that (4, Interesting)

j.a.mcguire (551738) | about 9 years ago | (#13469674)

isn't it slander and defamation to post quotes like that without the evidence to back it up?

Re:Are you allowed to post that (4, Informative)

David Horn (772985) | about 9 years ago | (#13469682)

No, if anything, it's libel. Very roughly, slander is spoken, libel is written.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (5, Informative)

Lifewish (724999) | about 9 years ago | (#13469697)

It's a quote, hence (if I understand correctly) it's not required of Slashdot that it be true, only that it be an accurate representation of what that person said.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (5, Informative)

Rogerborg (306625) | about 9 years ago | (#13469715)

Court filings are protected. You can't be sued for libel in a civil action over what you tell a court; you can, however, be jailed for perjury if you're caught lying.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469718)

listen, jerk, this clearly unstable guy has armies of "developers, developers, developers!" standing by ready to crush anything he doesn't like. intead of attempting to help prop up this man's onviously twisted tyranny infomred by his unhinged world view, you should be using your lofty powers as a slashdotter to bring him down.

we have hundreds of thousands of socially mal-adjusted virgins at our fingertips i say we pool respources and attack microsft this weekend unless they have a whole bunch of females stockpiled at the microsft campus nothing can stop us!
 

Re:Are you allowed to post that (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469725)

Libel, but yeah, it probably is illegal. With any luck Zonk will get his ass thrown in jail, it'd improve the quality of posts that get through here enormously.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469726)

But that does not matter when it's very likely that a fat bastard like balmer did say that.
( he probably had a mild day ).

The man is an ass

Re:Are you allowed to post that (4, Insightful)

Aim Here (765712) | about 9 years ago | (#13469727)

Sworn testimony in a court case is usually considered 'evidence'.

Hope this helps.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (1)

trewornan (608722) | about 9 years ago | (#13469771)

It's not slander or libel to report accusations made before a court and things said under oath are privileged.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (1)

public transport (864195) | about 9 years ago | (#13469801)

Why should the poster bring evidence? The post quotes the Sindey Morning Herald article, and we must assume they have done their work. This is a blog, and the post simply opens a discussion on news from other sources.

Re:Are you allowed to post that (1)

falsified (638041) | about 9 years ago | (#13469826)

Nah. As long as you believe it to be true, it's not slander.

Shades of Hitler in his bunker... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469677)

If Ballmer's not careful, his subordinates will start calling him "Carpet Biter" behind his back.

frost piss (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469679)

fuck gnaa

He needs some hormone injections... (1)

Yaa 101 (664725) | about 9 years ago | (#13469680)

Can I do it? can I do it?

monkeyboy needs thorazine (3, Insightful)

FudRucker (866063) | about 9 years ago | (#13469684)

RE:["Ballmer then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. 'I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google.' Schmidt previously worked for Sun Microsystems and was the CEO of Novell."]
what an immature neanderthal...

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (1)

rjshields (719665) | about 9 years ago | (#13469710)

If this is true, perhaps he will do the honourable thing and resign, but I doubt it.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (1)

nicomen (60560) | about 9 years ago | (#13469776)

Who, Eric Schmidt?

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (1)

EpsCylonB (307640) | about 9 years ago | (#13469792)

Why ?, its not like he said it in public, I am sure most people say things about their colleagues / Bosses / friends / etc. in private that they wouldn't say in public.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (2, Insightful)

drsquare (530038) | about 9 years ago | (#13469794)

At least he's passionate about his job. That's more than you can say about a lot of executives. What's wrong with wanting to crush the competition? That's what capitalism's all about.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469831)

>At least he's passionate about his job.
> That's more than you can say about a lot of
>executives. What's wrong with wanting to crush
>the competition?

Uhh, being passionate is a relative thing.
Being passionate about creating new art is
a good thing. Being passionate about being
a serial killer is a bad thing.

Being passionate as a thug I would argue
is not a good thing. Please keep in mind
that the goal of a businessman is to do
business, not to throw chairs around
a room, nor to threaten an individual
with bodily harm. That kind of behavior
is simply childish and unprofessional.

A professional would have looked at the
situation and thought how to improve his
business. Ballmer did neither.

--Johnny
P.s. Tell Monkeyboy keep up the good
work and show us what good leadership
is all about.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (1)

Weasel404 (839440) | about 9 years ago | (#13469808)

Anybody tossed furniture like that where I work they would be fired. Nice temper MB.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine (1)

kfg (145172) | about 9 years ago | (#13469837)

. . .what an immature neanderthal...

Film all over the Internet.

KFG

In the words of the immortal Elmer Fudd... (2, Funny)

jciber (768133) | about 9 years ago | (#13469685)

Kill the rabbit, kill the rabbit...

Immortal? (1)

TheRaven64 (641858) | about 9 years ago | (#13469820)

Were copyright terms extended again while I wasn't looking?

It is nice to know. (5, Funny)

jellomizer (103300) | about 9 years ago | (#13469686)

That the CEO of Microsoft is a calm and collective guy. With good management come good software. I am glad that 90% of the worlds computers are running software by responsible and rational managers.

Re:It is nice to know. (5, Funny)

BlueLightning (442320) | about 9 years ago | (#13469788)

the CEO of Microsoft is a calm and collective guy

I know he works for the Borg and all, but I think you meant "collected".

Re:It is nice to know. (4, Funny)

Rogerborg (306625) | about 9 years ago | (#13469836)

Collective works as well. I'm minded of a Cerebus the Aardvark quote.

  • Jaka: If you could be as rich as you wanted, how much money would you want?
  • Cerebus: All of it.
  • Jaka: No, I mean, imagine that you could have all the money in the world. How much of it would you want?
  • Cerebus: All of it.

Re:It is nice to know. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469809)

A score of 2 and not considered Funny?! I thought jellomizer's post was funny.

Who the hell is scoring for Slashdot today?!

not if google gets them first.` (1)

CHR1S (694833) | about 9 years ago | (#13469687)

Google Plans To Destroy Unindexed Information [slashdot.org] Sorry, couldn't help it. Besides, it's from Zonk.

Re:not if google gets them first.` (1)

Mostly a lurker (634878) | about 9 years ago | (#13469786)

Microsoft has a corporate edict that all information it produces be immediately destroyed so it cannot be used against them in a court of law. Thus, in their case, Google Purge would be superfluous.

Re:not if google gets them first.` (0, Offtopic)

/ASCII (86998) | about 9 years ago | (#13469811)

Once again, the main Slashdot page does not contain a single article by someone other than Zonk. Also notice how his articles are spaced at roughly two hour intervals for the last 15 hours? Me thinks he added a queue of articles to post for the entire day and then want home.

Typographical Obscensity (5, Funny)

minginqunt (225413) | about 9 years ago | (#13469688)

It comes as something of a surprise that Steve Ballmer doesn't know how to spell the word "fuck".

Or maybe "f***ing" is the poster's way of representing Ballmer's dribbling, shouting, flobbing, ranting, malsonorous splange of words laughingly called his voice.

Nice man.

Re:Typographical Obscensity (4, Interesting)

yog (19073) | about 9 years ago | (#13469752)

Give the guy a break. He's got a high pressure job. He works for the most demonized tech company in America, if not the world, and MS's products and services are constantly being hacked by hundreds of thousands of virus/worm writers with apparently nothing better to do than try to destroy his company.

On top of all that, his city, state, and federal governments are all hoping to find a way to grab his $46 billion either through lawsuits, taxes, or confiscation. That's the way of things. When you're successful, everyone else tries to tear you down.

I heard plenty of stories of such behavior when I was at Fidelity Investments. These upper level analysts who were getting high six figure salaries would scream and throw their phones against the wall when things didn't go their way. The pressure was really getting to them.

I'm not defending all of Microsoft's actions but you've got to feel for the guy when he's caught on tape/web/whatever acting like an ordinary, flawed human being with emotions. Frankly I'm rather relieved to hear that Ballmer is not some kind of icy monster. Heh. I wonder how many Aeron chairs he goes through in a month!

Re:Typographical Obscensity (5, Insightful)

Dr. Evil (3501) | about 9 years ago | (#13469793)

I worked for one of these guys, I'd rather the icy monster any day.

This kind of explosion reeks of a fellow who feels indestructable in his current position. Breaking out in a violent, destructive rage in the office is not normal, even for these guys.

Just think of his assistant who has to go in afterwards, brief him about his next meetings then contact facilities to send somebody to fix the wall and replace the chair.

I feel for them, not the multimilliondollar exec throwing a tantrum like a four year old.

Besides, a tantrum like that would really make me glad I'm leaving.

Re:Typographical Obscensity (3, Insightful)

rocjoe71 (545053) | about 9 years ago | (#13469835)

You know, CEOs of many companies feel a similar way towards their competition. Passive, happy-go-lucky people do not wind up being CEOs of anything. He's not an ordinary person.

To understand more about CEO's rent "Gorillas in the Mist" and pay close attention to the silverback male.

They're just people. (1)

Poromenos1 (830658) | about 9 years ago | (#13469690)

It's odd when something like that comes up, because in the press conferences and public appearances they're all calm and concentrated, but seeing this reminds you they're just people like us...

Re:They're just people. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469732)

No, they're not like 'us', unless the 'us' in question happens to be a bunch of NPD afflicted meglomaniacs.

Re:They're just people. (2, Insightful)

justforaday (560408) | about 9 years ago | (#13469735)

Shit man, I know I don't act that immature at my very worst. Maybe you get like that. You should try to limit the scope of your "just people like us" comments, because not everyone's like that (thank god!).

Re:They're just people. (1)

QuantumG (50515) | about 9 years ago | (#13469737)

like you maybe. I personally don't break into fits of rage at the slightest provokation.

I take it you didn't see the video then? (4, Informative)

reality-bytes (119275) | about 9 years ago | (#13469783)



I'll take it you've never watched the Steve Balmer "Developers, developers, developers" video then? (aka Monkey Dance)

Well if you missed it: have a look here [tarmo.fi]

Re:They're just people. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469821)

but seeing this reminds you they're just people like us...

No, maybe you're in the habit of throwing chairs around the room but the rest of us aren't. If the account given is true then he has serious problems. That sort of behaviour isn't funny and it sure isn't normal.

proof (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469692)

and how is that not backing it up?

Missing stuff indeed! (1)

rasty (212471) | about 9 years ago | (#13469693)

Just who the heck is this f***ing Balmer person anyway?

Steve Jobs was right (3, Interesting)

Eminence (225397) | about 9 years ago | (#13469694)

Microsoft lacks class. It's visible in their products and apparently shows also in personal behavior of their leaders. It's interesting to watch Microsoft's Channel 9 [msdn.com] to see this in their corporate culture. No wonder they get mad at Google.

Re:Steve Jobs was right (5, Insightful)

ScentCone (795499) | about 9 years ago | (#13469745)

Steve Jobs was right ... Steve Jobs was right

Oh, please. Check with people at Apple or Pixar and ask if Jobs has ever had a maximum-flake-factor freaky tirade in their own personal cubicle before. Don't let the sandals fool you. He's no paragon of zen-like level headedness when confronted with contrary news, uppity employees, or a marketplace that doesn't always see things his way.

Re:Steve Jobs was right (1)

Eminence (225397) | about 9 years ago | (#13469766)

OK, OK... The point was - Microsoft has no class. Who said it is, well, less important. But since he said it long time I ago I thought it would be ok to reference him.

(BTW: is Steve a furniture-thrower too?)

Next headline (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469696)

Steve Ballmer To Star With Eric Schmidt On Broadway
A truly epic love story gone bad.

HELP: What is a 'goatse' ? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469699)

I'd emailed slashdot to report a Dupe. I just got a reply from someone caled 'Zonk'.

This 'Zonk' character offered to show me his 'Goatse', and asked if he could give me one.

What should I do?

Steve Ballmer Soprano (3, Interesting)

Augusto (12068) | about 9 years ago | (#13469700)

He looks a bit like Tony Soprano on that article's picture, this is truly scary.

I kind of half imagine him like Scarface at the end of the Pacino movie.

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano (4, Insightful)

BWJones (18351) | about 9 years ago | (#13469734)

He looks a bit like Tony Soprano on that article's picture, this is truly scary.I kind of half imagine him like Scarface at the end of the Pacino movie.

Hardly. This is the sort of crap that you expect from the overly indulged geek who becomes CEO or from the jock CEO. Look, anytime somebody exhibits this sort of behavior, there is something fundamentally wrong with their character. I've had a boss in the past that pulled this kind of crap on me and I simply told him that it would not be acceptable behavior and I would not tolerate it. I then walked out of the room treating him like the child he was. The guy leaving for Google made the right decision.

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano (1)

MrHanky (141717) | about 9 years ago | (#13469813)

I kind of half imagine him like Scarface at the end of the Pacino movie.
Now, that's a movie I'd love to see. Title: Ballmer's life as Scarface: All's well that ends well.

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano (2, Interesting)

MouseR (3264) | about 9 years ago | (#13469814)

I think it was always pretty clear that MonkeyBoy is totally a deranged maniac. And I mean this in the most flattering way I can given he's probably worse than what his public figure make him out to be.

This is serious stuff. He basically made a death threat to the Google CEO.

Balmer sometimes acts like a cocaine addict. Snappy, choleric, over-hyped ("developers developers developers!").

He's certainly not a role model of mine.

Gates might have been an evil corporate henchman, but at least he didn't have this deranged personality.

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano (4, Funny)

dabigpaybackski (772131) | about 9 years ago | (#13469823)

I kind of half imagine him like Scarface at the end of the Pacino movie.

"Say hello to muh lil' chair!"

And in other news... (1)

EvilMonkeySlayer (826044) | about 9 years ago | (#13469701)

In other news, it has been announced that Steve Ballmer has changed his name Tony Montana.

Re:And in other news... (1)

adtifyj (868717) | about 9 years ago | (#13469791)

... and in response, Eric Schmidt changed his name to Jesus F***ing Christ. While he wasn't available for comment, his ever present media representative indicated that it was their policy to 'turn the other cheek', whatever that means.

Somebody isn't happy (1)

Kawahee (901497) | about 9 years ago | (#13469702)

I was listening to a commentry by Dvorak about this, and he believes that Microsoft shouldn't worry about Google because it can't compete against it anyway. Apparently the Google bot indexes websites 10x more than the MSN Search one. Although I wouldn't mind seeing a Microsoft search integrated 100% into Longhorn (we can't see a Google one obviously because of the above), but only if it was decent.

That's my two cents.

I think it's just human... (1)

TarryTops (888130) | about 9 years ago | (#13469703)

to want to kill someone who's spoiling your party, no?

Former CEO of Novell (2, Funny)

ErikPeterson (912282) | about 9 years ago | (#13469705)

I dont know if I would threaten anyone who was Deeply involved with the Evil that is (or can i safely say was(please?)) Novell.... Ex Novell Admin 3,4,5 and 6.... Recovering daily through OSS therapy....

Pfft (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469708)

So Ballmer is a typical, emotionally unstable meglomaniac like Gates?

Film at 11.

If he threw a chair with me in the room, he would have been eating it.

Bury? (4, Funny)

Chemisor (97276) | about 9 years ago | (#13469709)

I see that he has remembered the "We will bury you" line without having remembered the fate of the utterer which he is likely to emulate in some near future.

Uh Oh 14th Amendment (1)

ImaLamer (260199) | about 9 years ago | (#13469712)

Since a corporation legally has the same rights as a person, does this mean that Balmer could be facing charges for such an action?

Of course I'm joking, but it's nice to see the daily Microsoft article mixed with the daily Google article. Sure saves time. If I didn't have cobuyitaphobia I'd approve of this synergy.

I've got to say, with the Summer of Code, it looks like Google will kill Microsoft first though.

/. readers begin to softly chant .. (5, Funny)

b3x (586838) | about 9 years ago | (#13469713)

two men enter, one man leaves
two men enter, one man leaves
TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES!

Hope the straightjacket squad is on its way by now (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469714)

[...] picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office [...]

"I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google."
...and probably they also ought to have the Ritalin ready...

Google Security (1)

Unsus (901072) | about 9 years ago | (#13469717)

I hope Google has a very competent security staff at their main offices. Oh, you took what he said metaphorically? Silly you.

Steve Ballmer has Issues (5, Funny)

Altima(BoB) (602987) | about 9 years ago | (#13469730)

Steve Ballmer can kill anyone he wants! Steve Ballmer throws chairs ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. This guy is so crazy and awesome that he flips out ALL the time. I heard that Steve Ballmer was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon Ballmer killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw Steve Ballmer totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve Balmer will rot in hell (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469733)


one of the richest people on the planet (top 5 AFAIK) and hasnt spent anything on charity or society [google.com] (eg. space travel etc)

fuck him, he will rot in hell with the rest of the greedy bastards who take everything and give nothing

Re:Steve Balmer will rot in hell (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469795)

hey don't say that.

last time I said that very same thing about Bill Gates.

They took notice and saw that charity donations was indeed an excellent tool for PR, public appeasement and tax-deductions!

Don't you just love them? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469753)

I know the job violated the contract. But still, Microsoft is just so loveable. How can you not love them. The way they want to eleminate all other companies and be the single supplier for all your computing needs.
Kinda like if there were only one car manufacturer that only made different styles of MPVs. Now that would suck to be forced to drive one of those. No sportscar for you, but we have a big hulking MPV with shiny low profile rims.
We got a system that suits your need and style, and they are all from Microsoft.

picked up a chair and threw it across the room (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469754)

so this is what we are supposed to aspire to, eh? ... clearly, power corrupts absolutely

personally, i feel sorry for Steve, he's obviously lost his soul

Antitrust? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469757)

Doesnt this count as "Anti-trust" activity by Microsoft ?

Exhibit R (1)

jav1231 (539129) | about 9 years ago | (#13469758)

I think we're up to Exhibit R that Microsoft is Pure Evil. Being right all the time is really a burden sometimes.

Erm? (1)

EvilMonkeySlayer (826044) | about 9 years ago | (#13469761)

Not to be a spelling nazi or anything, but the subject title..
I'm pretty sure "Balmer" is spelled "Ballmer".

Shhhh.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469833)

we are trying to make ballmer calmer. First we drop the l and we are moving to replace the b with a c.

Ballmer is a psychopath... (1)

Yaa 101 (664725) | about 9 years ago | (#13469762)

And his company too...

Read here the definition:

[wikipedia.org]

Excuse me? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469764)

Are there actually people taking this stupid crap seriously? Obviously, Zonk's got drunk, or made a stupid bet, or decided he wants to get fired, and he's grunting out some April 1st-class stories.

Then again, maybe he wants to see the average Slashdot credulity.

Quote taken completely out of context... (5, Funny)

Rahga (13479) | about 9 years ago | (#13469773)

The scene was more like this:

Balmer: 'I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google.'

BillG: YEAH!
Balmer: Then I'm going to take this frikkin chair, smash his face with it, and lick the blood off the ring.

BillG: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Watcha gonna dooooo....

Balmer: BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REALLY PUMPED UP ABOUT!?!?!

BillG: Oooooh Yeah!

Balmer: I just saved a boatload of money by switching to Geico.

(Running on excercise machine)
BillG: You can dooo it!!!

does this mean... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13469775)

... that Ballmer can be arrested for making death threats? Can this possibly be the end of Microsoft, in such an unusual manner?

An epic battle between good & evil. (1)

martijnd (148684) | about 9 years ago | (#13469779)

After a daring raid in the previous episode, the Googlelots backed by Hades and Apollo, have captured and hold in the citadel of Beijing the beacon of search Dr. Chen; while King Ballmer of the Microsoft Empire, favored by Zeus & Athena, is rallying his allies from the US State department, Justice Department and everyone else who owns him tribute to undo this great injustice. The black sails are on the horizon, and war is coming in the early days of winter.

(with kind thanks to the epic stories I just shamelessly ripped off here)

the price of vengeance (5, Funny)

moviepig.com (745183) | about 9 years ago | (#13469780)


Assuming that the chair-throwing and the mindset it implies are true... whose stock do you buy or sell?

Google?... Microsoft?... (OfficeMax?)

I'm gonna enjoy watching you die... (1)

Ray Alloc (835739) | about 9 years ago | (#13469782)

And exactly how does Ballmer intends to kill Google? It won't be as easy as killing Netscape, because this time Google does not depend on the sale of some software. Micro$oft, on the other end...

Whatsa matter chromedome? (1)

LividBlivet (898817) | about 9 years ago | (#13469789)

Somebodies making more money than you?

Jeebus on a pogo stick, get a grip.
Either buy some nukes or chill the fuck out.
If you're so damn upset just revoke all Chinese copies of Windows and hire an army to enforce it.
Or please just shut THE FUCK UP.

Wow... (5, Insightful)

Jugalator (259273) | about 9 years ago | (#13469797)

I was shocked to see this was actually not a The Onion article like last time.

That monkey dancer never cease to amaze me.

Call the FBI (2, Insightful)

Ice Station Zebra (18124) | about 9 years ago | (#13469798)

He made a death threat against everyone at Google. He should be in jail.

Dysfunction (1)

Crixus (97721) | about 9 years ago | (#13469806)

Why is it that people with this kind of anger and dysfunction are chosen to head gigantic corporations?

Chomsky always points out that it's the corporate SYSTEM that causes things to happen they way they do, and it's often not due to evil people.

I think however, there are exceptions to this argument.

Hey (1)

The MESMERIC (766636) | about 9 years ago | (#13469812)

why aren't they fighting over me?
Seriously ..
I feel kinda pico-ickle insignificant :(

At least Balmer was truthful (1)

jeffs72 (711141) | about 9 years ago | (#13469816)

Schmidt was CEO of Novel and Sun and now Google? WTF was Google thinking hiring hiring him? I think my pet dog could have run both those companies into the ground just as well.

And why do we care ? (1)

elpapacito (119485) | about 9 years ago | (#13469822)

Please tell me why we care about the alleged postal temperament of the adult being who :

1. tried to motivate a bunch of geek screaming "developers, developers, developers" on top of his lungs as if they were a bunch of rock fans and obtained a very tepid response, but an instant internet phun-of-the-month success, in the league of Asshat and Wassaaaap

2. who was so embarrasingly sweating while screaming and running from each side on the scene he looked more like my fat grandpa playing tennis then some company big brass.

3. that aside from this nice show of being able to ridicule himself for the better good of the company and his own one, has the same mentality of each and other private guy : you work, I cash.

Tell me again, aside from understanding what he's trying to take away from any "associate" next..why should I care ?

Why kill? (4, Insightful)

miffo.swe (547642) | about 9 years ago | (#13469824)

I dont understand why its so important for Microsoft to kill any competition. If they succeed in creating a bigger market they still earn more money even with lots of competitors. Is Microsoft really nothing more than a wanking session for two really pathetic men? One would have thought they would have matured by now and start to think about what they leave after they die. Why not start doing good things for computing for a change? MS has been the biggest roadblock in software evolution to date and nothing can change that if Microsoft doesnt start to behaive like grownups.

Ballmer vs ?? (1)

Kuku_monroe (753761) | about 9 years ago | (#13469834)

My Mom can beat your company up!

Not out of character for Monkey Boy (1)

krygny (473134) | about 9 years ago | (#13469841)

If you've only been a casual observer of Steve Bomber's behavior over the years, you wouldn't have reason to doubt Lucovosky's account. I feel almost as though I were there and it's a vivid memory.

Start the anti-trust case now? (1)

MosesJones (55544) | about 9 years ago | (#13469842)


Google should seriously consider getting the boot in early around search and tools, preventing Microsoft bundling things in with Longhorn just to "kill" the company.

Certainly they'd have a good case in the EU, the question is whether the US Goverment would side with an "upstart" like Google over a company that clearly has the same approach to life as Donald Rumsfeld.
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