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Crank Blogging, Like Phone Calling, Now Illegal

jamie posted more than 8 years ago | from the do-people-get-prosecuted-for-this? dept.

Censorship 666

On Thursday, President Bush signed into law a must-pass DoJ appropriations bill which contained a little gotcha for the internet. For decades, making anonymous abusive phone calls has been a federal crime, good for up to two years behind bars -- and the term "abusive" has included threats, harassment, and the much weaker "intent to annoy." Now, that telecommunications law has been extended to include the Internet, so when you post an anonymous troll to wind up your least-favorite blogger, you may break the law. This is silly: the law needs to start taking into account the qualitative differences between things like telephones, email inboxes, blogs, and IM accounts. A 3 AM phone call is different from a post to blogger.com calling me a jerk. I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc.

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666 comments

So wait... (4, Interesting)

grasshoppa (657393) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428334)

...does that mean when you get a -1 Flamebait on slashdot, the authorities are dispatched?

Re:So wait... (2, Funny)

IcyNeko (891749) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428382)

I wonder if this can also be extended to address the annoying sexbots that post messages to my Yahoo Messenger...

Re:So wait... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428525)

Wait, you mean those aren't my girlfriends?

Re:So wait... (2, Funny)

SEWilco (27983) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428657)

Wait, you mean those aren't my girlfriends?

Actually, they are. They seem oddly unsatisfied.

Re:So wait... (5, Funny)

Snap E Tom (128447) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428397)

Yes. Coming soon, the mod option will be "-1, Jail."

Re:So wait... (5, Funny)

Surt (22457) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428661)

Well of course it won't be direct to jail, there will have to be a trial to determine if you are actually guilty, unless the executive branch has some sort of magical power to just throw people into jails without due process.

Re:So wait... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428402)

If you're in the U.S., yeah.

Otherwise, FUCK SLASHDOT.

Re:So wait... (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428529)

only if you're an anonynomous coward ...

Anoying Anonymous Coward

Silly American K-niggots!!! (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428537)

^------- by Anonymous Coward, Ha!

Does this mean that we, in the rest of the world, can lay into you guys in the US and there's nothing you can do about it (anonymously)?

I will taunt you a second time!!!

Ha! Your country is really small and you all smell of pooh!

Re:So wait... (1)

tsa (15680) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428604)

A 3 AM phone call is different from a post to blogger.com calling me a jerk.

Yes, but I guess nothing will happen to the poster unless you start complaining about him/her to the authorities.

Re:So wait... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428652)

Your reply had nothing to do with the post to which you reply. And with your low UID, you should know better than to troll like that. Shame on you.

First Anonymous Post (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428339)

President Bush sucks

-Sue Me.

Re:First Anonymous Post (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428632)

Doesn't it have to be untrue?

Is this law really needed? (5, Insightful)

dada21 (163177) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428343)

Actually, I think the entire law against crank calling is pretty worthless now, anyway.

We have Caller ID -- we can refuse to answer the phone. If crank calls were a major concern, you'd see market solutions to the problem. Companies would come up with "quiet time" phone features that would prevent any ring after a certain hour unless you coded it with numbers that were acceptable.

As you can see with this law, and thousands of other bad laws, you enter into a slippery slope of stupidity.

The Department of Justice is completely out of control -- nearly 99% of the Department is unconstitutional and unnecessary at the federal level. In this end, this is an abridgement on the freedom of speech. Every time government wants to penalize "edgy" speech, they are just finding another way to control normal speech.

I think we know who the real cranks are in this case -- read the entire law/budget, you'll find more bad things than usual. In fact, I can't see anything in the budget that seems worthwhile anymore.

Re:Is this law really needed? (2, Insightful)

wwonka74 (861731) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428467)

Companies have come up with solutions that I use quite often. Ask your phone company about Selective Call Acceptance/Rejection. During family dinners or game nights I turn on Selective Call Acceptance and the only people that can reach me are the 4 that I've programmed into my phone system.
I use it mostly for annoyance reasons because I just do not get crank called very often I think that happens to pizza delivery places more than residential phones.
I think the main difference here is you also have to take into account that the person calling the other person a joke is doing it in a public forum and not just in a private phone call.
This is one of those laws that just makes you check yourself before you say or post (in this case) something ignorant. I do not know of anyone serving actual jail time for crank calling a pepperoni pizza to their catholic neighbors on Lent so I can only assume it would be something you could use in court to add fuel to the fire or possibly get someone's wrist slapped.

Re:Is this law really needed? (1)

aaribaud (585182) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428481)

We have Caller ID -- we can refuse to answer the phone. If crank calls were a major concern, you'd see market solutions to the problem. Companies would come up with "quiet time" phone features that would prevent any ring after a certain hour unless you coded it with numbers that were acceptable.

Just because there is a way not to be annoyed by some unruly behaviour does not mean that this behaviour should not be punished. People should not have to resort to technical measures in the first place.

Re:Is this law really needed? (2, Insightful)

dada21 (163177) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428510)

Just because there is a way not to be annoyed by some unruly behaviour does not mean that this behaviour should not be punished. People should not have to resort to technical measures in the first place.

You're asking for the use of force to stop something that can be fixed for a one time fee, usually. You're asking to create government organizations covered in government red tape to make a law -- so that if someone does break the law you still have to sue them or have government sue them. Rather than buy a cheap piece of techology, you want someone put in jail or fined rather than lock your front door yourself.

This is the problem with "we need a law" advocates. They don't want to be responsible, but they want to pay so someone else can be responsible. I don't want to pay, I'm already fine with locking my front door, getting a $6 caller ID box, and paying $1 or $2 a month to the phone company to have them screen my calls.

Re:Is this law really needed? (2, Insightful)

aaribaud (585182) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428631)

You're asking for the use of force to stop something that can be fixed for a one time fee, usually.

I'm asking why I should pay private companies to be able to benefit from a right that I have.

You're asking to create government organizations covered in government red tape to make a law

No need to create anything, that law is already here.

so that if someone does break the law you still have to sue them or have government sue them.

I happen to live in a non-lawyer-happy land (so far), and I am not lawyer-happy myself. It's not about sueing, it's about respect to others, and law is, or should be, about respecting each other.

Rather than buy a cheap piece of techology, you want someone put in jail or fined rather than lock your front door yourself.

I could retort that rather than stop someone misbehave against you, you prefer paying the problem away. I'll stay with my position, if you don't mind, that I do not want to live isolated: I want to live in society.

Re:Is this law really needed? (1)

tsa (15680) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428648)

I'm already fine with locking my front door.

Then don't come whining when somebody blasts out your door with a riot gun and plunders your house when you're on vacation.

Re:Is this law really needed? (1)

Alcoholist (160427) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428491)

Such laws do make you scratch your head. At the rate things are going, it will be illegal to do or say anything in the U.S. Makes you wonder just how much of the future Orwell had actually seen.

Re:Is this law really needed? (5, Insightful)

Evil Adrian (253301) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428495)

Caller ID is not free, it is an optional pay service on most carriers, and not everyone has it, so not everyone can just sit there and screen the calls.

That aside, if someone doesn't answer the call (because they know who is calling via Caller ID), what is to stop that person from calling 300 times consecutively in an attempt to annoy/harass them?

I guess you could block the caller... but that too incurs a fee.

"As you can see with this law, and thousands of other bad laws, you enter into a slippery slope of stupidity."

I don't think it's out of line for the government to outlaw harassment. You could certainly argue that this law in particular perhaps goes too far, but you're almost saying it's OK to harass people, until some company invents technology that you can purchase to stop harassment. That is just plain silly.

Re:Is this law really needed? (4, Insightful)

dada21 (163177) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428564)

Caller ID is not free, it is an optional pay service on most carriers, and not everyone has it, so not everyone can just sit there and screen the calls.

Government is not free and in fact costs way more than competitive services.

Government is not optional, so those of us who pick another option still have to pay.

Government doesn't support everyone -- in fact laws are fairer to those who can afford a lawyer.

Not everyone can go and sue someone for harassing them. If someone harasses you a few times from an unknown number, good luck getting the cops to stop them.

You could certainly argue that this law in particular perhaps goes too far, but you're almost saying it's OK to harass people, until some company invents technology that you can purchase to stop harassment. That is just plain silly.

Fine. I'll pay $6 for a caller ID box and $24 a year for piece of mind. You want to pay for bureaucracy and red tape and non-effective unconstitutional legislation? You should pay your share of what you use, I'd like to bow out of it.

Re:Is this law really needed? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428547)

We have Caller ID -- we can refuse to answer the phone. If crank calls were a major concern, you'd see market solutions to the problem. Companies would come up with "quiet time" phone features that would prevent any ring after a certain hour unless you coded it with numbers that were acceptable.


You are wrong. You can never pre-select "acceptable" numbers - would you include every phone box in case your spouse or kids was in a car accident and couldn't get cell-phone reception / battery run out / phone broke / whatever?

By definition, the only calls that I'm going to expect to get at night are emergency calls, and by their very nature those calls are often made from strange phones and strange locations.

There is no technical way to differentiate between those and crank calls. Do you want to put your distressed daughter (what am I saying - this is Slashdot. Would you want your parents to put your sister) through to some kind of phone menu "press 1 if this is a real emergency and I actually want to be woken" system in extremis?

Phoning someone in the middle of the night is exactly the same as banging on their front door in the middle of the night - they wake up, and get up because there might be a genuine emergency of some sort. Waking people up in the middle of the night for a laugh, or to try and sell them stuff isn't free speech - it's harrasment.

Re:Is this law really needed? (1)

dada21 (163177) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428605)

10 years ago I had a phone box that I set up after 1am. When someone dialed my number, the box sent a beep and they had to enter a PIN to get through.

Now if someone in my family died and the cops needed to get through, I guess this wouldn't suffice. So you want a law for the rare occurence that someone dies and you can't get a call?

Re:Is this law really needed? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428556)

On the same basis, get rid of computer crime laws. Market forces will produce uncrackable systems to deal with the problems of computer attacks.

I don't agree with this law, and I'm uncertain of the existing crank calls law. But I do find your argument dubious.

Re:Is this law really needed? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428641)

Eh, the problem is that we've already made everything reasonably expected to be illegal, illegal. So now, we elect a bunch of people to sit around and make more things illegal so they can look like they're doing something useful.

Maybe we should just have them sit around and play a Nomic game or something. It might just sharpen whatever wits they have in case we do need them to do something important some day.

Let's test it! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428345)

Let's test the theory:

I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc.

Horde suck.

Re:Let's test it! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428394)

that's not a personal attack, it's a generalization :P

It's like the difference between racism and slander.

Let me try:
you suck.

who needs federal protection (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428346)

when you can Bitchslap!

Ouch (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428348)

No more first posts?

OH MY PHEAR (-1, Troll)

Sexual Asspussy (453406) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428354)

Carolina Porfirio was 19 and part English with an Italian father, hence the name. She worked as an office girl for a company in the same building where I rented an office suite for my business in Nice, down the corridor on the same floor. All that follows happened shortly after I split up with Ginny Harris and was preparing to leave the Riviera to go to Spain. I was, by this time, a full member of the Riviera Rape Club and wanted to provide the club with a bitch we could abuse, torture and sex kill.

I chose Carolina because the young 5'4" cunt was gorgeous (in fact, she was stunning, a real head turner) and close enough to keep under observation for a while but far enough not to be connected with me. There was little chance her disappearance would be linked to me. I kept a watch on her for a couple of weeks and learned her name, age, that she commuted by train from across the border in Ventimiglia, Italy (only a 30 minute train ride), had no boyfriend, and jogged every evening. The jogging would explain the sexwhore's lovely athletic look. The jogging looked like the best opportunity to abduct my chosen sexbaby and that's how we got her.

As soon as we had the sexy bottom babe in a safe place (by this I always mean safe for the abuser, not the victim), we crowded around (there were 8 of us) to fondle Carolina's body still with her clothes on. I think this is very humiliating for a sex object to be fondled fully dressed. It is like being raped but with the added fear of knowing it is yet to happen. Then we ordered her to do a striptease for us. She tried to back away from us, shaking her pretty head and crying, looking down at the floor and saying "Nooooo" and "Pleeeeease!" over and over. It took a punch deep in her belly and a hard brutal kick from behind right in her teenage cunt, which sent her sprawling and retching on the floor, to change her mind.

It's interesting that even a tracksuit can look gorgeously sexual on an attractive love object, male or female. Carolina was wearing a powder blue track with a pale pink stripe over the left shoulder and down the body, repeated in the trouser part to the ankle. On her small pretty teenage feet she wore white and bright pink reeboks and dayglow pink cotton anklesocks. After fondling the 19 year old whoregirl with her clothes on, we made the babybumsex bitchgirl do a striptease and dirty dance for us. I lied to the pretty bumbaby, saying that we'd also kidnapped her kid sister (an 11 year old ugly duckling, quite unlike her delicious big sister) and would kill it if she didn't perform for us and obey all our commands completely and immediately, no matter how disgusting and evil she thought them. I told her to leave the reeboks and the cute little sexy sox on. In fact, the fat bottom girl Carolina wore them throughout her terrible ordeal, and died with them on.

Following the dirty dancing, throughout which Carolina cried her lovely blue eyes out, we made her stand with her hands on her pretty head so we could all feel and fondle her nude body all over. Then I made the fucking babysex kneel down so that we could take turns in front of her pretty face. Each man was allowed to present the teenage whore with either his penis or his bum, but not both. Most gave her their cocks to lick and kiss, but I was one of only two presenting her with our big bums, making the lush childwoman lick up and down our dirty cracks and kissing our bottom holes. It's hard to describe the feeling of it to someone who hasn't experienced the wonderful sensation of killing a very sexy looking girl (or boy). I'm not in the least sorry about doing it. She deserved to be murdered for being so lovely and sexual, for being a very pretty young female and for having a gorgeous body. I am sorry only that I've not done it more than once. There are so many I would love to have killed, girls and boys, women and children. Among these are my ex-wife Elaine, a number of ex-girlfriends from my earlier years including Doris, Maggie, Patti and Mary, and, more recently, Laura Green and her children, Lindy Sutton and hers and, of course, Ginny Harris, her sisters and her lovely little boys.

Anyway, back to Carolina Porfirio. We kept Carolina alive in captivity for 15 days. After the stripping and rude dancing scene on the first day, the only clothes the sexy cunt was allowed to wear until she died were her little white and pink reeboks and her bright pink ankle socks. I think it is important to strip condemned beauties of all their dignity. They have no rights, anyway. His or her life is entirely in your hands and you learn very quickly to play the dirty cunt's emotions like a musical instrument. It's half the pleasure of working your way up to murdering them.

We used Carolina for sex and humiliation games for about 5 days during which we raped her many times in all her holes, often brutally gangraping her. As well as her gorgeous tight teenage vagina, we used her fat young bottom and her pretty mouth, her nose and her ears. I was thrilled to discover the fucking little bitch was a virgin throughout her body and I was the first, and among the last, to use her luscious fuck holes. On one occasion, the child woman had a man in her cunt, another in her bottom, two men alternately fucking her mouth, one trying to push the knob of his penis in her nostril, another spurting his cum in her right ear, and a cock in each hand to be wanked. She often had her titties fucked and the resultant spunk sprayed on her face as a punishment for having such lovely young teenage breasts with nipples. She was fucked in her armpits whilst being made to look at the horrible prick poking out from between her arm and her lush young body, and hold her cute face as close as possible in order to receive the shower of gooey white sperm on her tongue. The teen goddess was fucked between her closed athletic legs and along her deep bottybobo poopoo crack. We even managed to squirt spunk into her teeniegirly urethra via a fine hypodermic needle.

Another fucking I gave her several times is one I particularly like for its deep humiliation factor. I've done this to many of my victims, male and female. It is essentially a matter of fucking her or his face in a literal sense. You need to make the sex toy lay down or sit with her/his head back against a wall or seatback so that you can create friction on both sides of your penis as you press your belly against the victim's face. You lay your cock against her cheek with your balls near her mouth so she can lick them and your knob right next to her eyes above the bridge of her nose and then you jerk your whole body up and down in short fast strokes until you cum on her eyes (or in her hair, if you've got a long cock). A nice variation is to make her lay on a table and stand behind her head so that you can lean across her and lay your penis in the opposite direction with your knob above her lips, allowing you to squirt your filth in her mouth or all over that part of her face.

Days 5 to 9 were largely filled with canings, whippings, beatings and kickings combined with painful and humiliating bondage and suspension. On day 9 we began to torture Carolina. I won't tire you with what would be a long list of all the nice, loving and very painful and humiliating things we did to her gorgeous body but would like to tell you about the needles in her fat spunkbags (200 in each chest baby), in her vulva, inner and outer cunt lips, vagina and inner thighs (over 500 used in this area including many inside her cunthole and two long ones forced through her cervix into her filthy babybag), in her big soft, full bottom cheeks (200 in each) and around her tiny bumhole (50), in her shoulders and upper arms (100 in total), in her calves (50 in each), in her belly (300 including 50 long ones directly inserted through her bellybutton) and 100 in her beautiful teenage face (through her eyelids, nostrils, tongue, lips, earlobes and cheeks). Although I like pretty well every torture ever invented, I think I love needles the most especially when they're used in huge quantities as on Carolina. Her screams and whimpering were so sexy to hear and her uncontrollable shaking with fear beautiful to see. Especially nice was when she began to hyperventilate from the combined effects of fear and pain.

Although Carolina thought that we wouldn't kill her because she was performing to our requirements, the tortures on days 10 to 14 quickly became more and more extreme. We were careful with our games because we didn't want her to die from any of the stresses on her lovely body until the day we planned to murder her, day 15. One of the most amusing of the extreme tortures was the steaming of her uterus. I forced one of those women's steam curling tongs deep into Carolina's slimy cunthole and pushed the top four inches of it through her (by now badly damaged) cervix into her filthy uterus, then turned it on full. As soon as it was at its top temperature (she was already screaming from the searing of her cunt flesh), I pressed down on the steam control and held it down for a full five minutes until all the water was used up pouring into her vagina and uterus as boiling hot steam. Delicious screaming and, amusingly, she involuntarily pood herself. I enjoyed feeding it to her on a spoon.

On the 14th night, I had Carolina kneel before her masters and told her that we would decide this night whether or not we would kill her the next day. I told her that she may plead for her life and, if she did it well, we might consider letting her live. That was a wonderfully erotic evening listening to the child woman crying and screaming, begging and pleading for her life. She promised so many idiotic things, many of which we'd already done to her magnificent body. At the end of it, we all fucked her one last time, each of us choosing one hole (I buggered her laying on top so I could look into her eyes as I told her the methods we were going to choose from for her execution - this prompted yet more begging which helped me to explode in her pretty bottom one last time).

On the morning of day 15, the last day of lovely Carolina Porfirio's short life, I went with my colleagues to its cage and, after unchaining it, made the whore stand with legs wide apart and hands under its breasts holding them up and out for us to see. A mirror was placed behind her so we could see her lovely bottom. Then I told the curvy, pretty teenage girl that I had decided she would be murdered later that day. She immediately began screaming and wailing, sank to her knees and crawled forward to kiss my feet and up my legs to my penis in an endearing bid for mercy. She pood herself again and lost control of her bladder. Before any pleas for mercy were to be considered, the lovely child woman was ordered to lick up her disgraceful mess on the chamber floor.

That morning, while we 'considered' her plea for mercy, she agreed to a torture hysterectomy. One of my colleagues was a retired doctor who'd specialised in gynaecology and he led the fun operation. Everyone got a turn to do some cutting inside Carolina's young body, but the doctor had control in order to keep the cunt alive for her execution later in the day. He did so well, I gave him a very expensive bottle of rare wine as a thank you gift. Especially, as he saved just for me the final exquisite moment of the poor girl's mutilation, the removal of her uterus and ovaries from inside her nubile young body, her hopes of having children in a bloody tangle of bits and pieces of mangled flesh which I pulled from between her legs and trailed up her body to dangle over her beautiful, sobbing pale face. As the blood dripped onto her lips and her most intimate sex meat dangled over the bridge of her nose and in her beautiful blue eyes, Doc went to work inside cauterizing the wounds to prevent the bitch from bleeding to death or going into shock. God, that was such a loving and sexual moment, almost as good as taking the young whore's life itself.

At this time, Carolina thought she had just paid the price for keeping her useless fucking stupid life. With the bleeding stopped plus some emergency surgery on what had been her cervix, and pumped full of suppressant drugs, Carolina was allowed to rest for an hour. Meanwhile, her uterus, ovaries, vascular tissue from the cervical area, and chunks of flesh from the lining of her vagina were gently braised on a griddle. When it was cooked enough to make it tender, we fed Carolina her own internal sex organ piece by piece. The pretty whore (now only half a woman) was pumped full of adrenaline and other stimulant drugs. I told her that she could be shown no mercy, since she was a female sex toy, and a very pretty one at that, and we would kill her in precisely one hour.

The fucking pretty teenage whore didn't scream and wail at this news. Instead, she lost all colour and swooned, almost losing consciousness. Only the drugs in her system prevented the lovetoy from fainting. She looked as though she knew this was coming but, even so, couldn't believe it was happening to her, like it was a nightmare from which she would wake up at any moment. I ordered the cute bitch to walk to the execution chamber. This was, in fact, just another room in the basement chambers in which we had set up a wooden platform with a rope noose hanging above it from an overhead beam. She gasped and cried when I gave her this command but meekly obeyed. She was made to wiggle her bottom as she walked and to hold her fat young breasts in her hands. As she entered the chamber, the first thing she saw was the rope noose which shocked her so much she cried out again and fell, sobbing uncontrollably, to her knees.

The noose was actually merely for effect. Much as I like hanging, I had another more interesting, cruel and humiliating death in mind for Carolina. A swift, hard kick to the filthy slut's kidneys sent her sprawling on the chamber floor, retching. She was dragged along the floor by her pretty blonde hair to a wooden frame against the wall and facing the noose. Carolina was bound to the frame by her wrists and ankles and all we all gathered round to watch her darling angelic teenage face as I read the charges to her.

I remember the words as if I'd spoken them yesterday. "Carolina Porfirio, you are guilty of being 19 years old, being a sexually attractive whore, having a gorgeously pretty face and a beautiful, lithe body, of having large breasts, a tight, slimy cunt, a big, pert bottom, and gorgeous long legs. You are also guilty of having no uterus inside your body. Moreover, you are guilty of being a filthy little teenage whore, a beautiful female sex toy slut. Worst of all, you have, for the last 14 days, been showing your gorgeous big filthy body to men. You are a dirty little girl, a fat young tart. And for these reasons, I condemn you to die. You will give your life for our pleasure, Carolina. You will be killed in thirty minutes, lovegirl. You now have the opportunity to save your sister's life, Carolina, although not your own, by agreeing to eat the meat out of your fat teeny tittiebags."

Pleading with us not to kill her kid sister, the teen bitch agreed to eat her own titmeat, although she hadn't a clue what this meant. She didn't have to wait long to find out. Her breasts were cut open with the slice of a razor sharp scalpel in a straight line from her chest to the nipple of each bobo and both tits were opened like the petals of a flower. The female was so full of stimulants that the shock of having her tits cut open would be unlikely to kill her or even make her faint for quite a while. Using a spoon with a crafted razor sharp edge, I dug into each spunkbag in turn digging out titmeat and fatty tissue and fed it to her. The sharp edge of the spoon cut the inside of her mouth as she sucked the bloody mess off the spoon and swallowed it. Feeding Carolina her own breasts took about 10 minutes. We stuffed them with those soft, spongy things plastic surgeons use for enlarging bitches' tits. This seemed kind of funny, and we all had a giggle at it. Doc sewed up the tits as best he could, and then we led Carolina to the noose.

She was shaking with terror and began to plead one last time not to be killed. We stood her on the platform, tied her hands behind her back and put the noose around her neck. She was screaming and struggling and trying to kick us. That was nice to watch. Her ankles were then tied by cords to metal rings on either side of the platform, stretching her pretty legs to their painful maximum. At this point, the murder method was unveiled. Carolina thought she was going to be hanged but I wanted her to suffer real terror, pain and utter humiliation in her pretty death.

Mirrors were arranged behind and in front of her. Behind, so that we would have a good view of her bottom during death. It's always good to watch a sex toy's bottom during murder, to see the way it moves, especially its wobble, and to see what comes out of the anus. Nice also to glance at the legs from behind and the curve of the creature's back. In front, because we wanted Carolina to be able to see exactly what was being done to her.

Carolina Porfirio was now in the last few minutes of her life as I opened a small trap door in the platform immediately below the teenage whore's genitals. Then, stepping to the side of the platform, I inserted a metal handle into the ratchet at the top of a post which had just been inserted into a socket in the floor. By turning the handle, I was winding an orchestration of cogs and drives which produced a narrow steel shaft from the trapdoor between her legs. The shaft was about an inch in diameter brandishing a sharp point and tiny steel barbs each about a quarter of an inch in length and pointing in all directions. I quickly wound the shaft up to meet Carolina's wriggling cunthole then, leaving a colleague to drive the shaft, I went round to her front to guide the vicious steel shaft into Carolina's young body. The noose was tightened around her neck to make her body movements as dangerous as the shaft which was about to enter her vagina. Wearing a safety glove to protect my hand, I grabbed the shaft and two others helped to steady Carolina's shaking, struggling body. With my other hand, I opened her fat, sticky cunt lips. The rising shaft was now easy to guide into Carolina's young body. An inch inside the screaming teenager, the shaft had purchase on her cunt flesh and would now plough its own path as the drive mechanism forced it further and further inside her, through the remains of the place where her uterus had been, into her stomach and through her diaphragm.

Without careful guidance and a good knowledge of anatomy, the shaft could penetrate either lung or her heart or pass between them. Whilst, with Doc on hand, we had adequate anatomical knowledge, and we could, with his help, easily guide the shaft past her vital organs, my decision was that the shaft should be allowed follow its own path. It, in fact, penetrated one of her lungs, evidenced by the sudden spurt of pink and red foam from her mouth. Blood was also pouring down her lovely legs and the shaft itself. It finally came out of Carolina's long pretty neck just beneath her chin. I was thrilled to see she was still alive, if barely. Rather than let her drown in her own blood in her perforated lung, I asked for a bowie knife and plunged it into her belly, slashing around in there to sever her organs. We all came on Carolina's face as she died.

Not a problem (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428369)

"I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc. "

That's what /spit is for...

what will we do here at /. ???? (3, Funny)

cyberbob2010 (312049) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428371)

the HOME of flamers and trolls. ;-)

Soon the forums will be empty as we are all carted off to jail for smart ass comments given with the "intent to annoy".

Re:what will we do here at /. ???? (2, Funny)

robyannetta (820243) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428588)

By this logic, the existence of Slashdot is illegal. [cough]Bullshit![cough]

I'd like to see the first attempted prosecution under this new law.

>ALLIANCE SUCK
>HORDE SUCK
>ALLIANCE SUCK
>HORDE SUCK
>I'm calling the cops!

What? (3, Funny)

chill (34294) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428380)

"Intent to annoy"? Every sibling, spouse and co-worker in America could be charged under this clause!

My wife LIVES to annoy me! It is one of her main goals in life. I'm fairly certain each of my kids also has a primary purpose to annoy one or more of their siblings, their mother, all their teachers and many of the other kids at school. Frequently phones are involved.

  -Charles

Good thing they used their real names... (4, Funny)

appleLaserWriter (91994) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428387)

I find this new policy annoying.

Re:Good thing they used their real names... (1)

tehwebguy (860335) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428511)

i feel as if the writer of this bill is hiding his identity, and probably sent the bill through email at some point or another. can i sue them?

Re:Good thing they used their real names... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428530)

You are not permitted to be annoyed. You have only the right to remain silent or play absolutly nice nice. Only the selected one's can be annoyed and enforce the law. Especially do not dis the government. The government now has a totally legal heavy hammer to silence you. Don't even mention that its unconstitutional. That would annoy the government even more and give it more cause to act against you. How else can the govenment get a death grip on the internet and silence the opposition?

Orwell's 1984 was a libertarian paradise by comparison. This is political correctness gone mad.

What the hell...? (1)

Apostata (390629) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428398)

Is this an article or an opinion piece (ie. Slashdot via FoxNews)?

Yes, someone calling you a jerk is not necessarily as bad as someone calling you at 3am. What if they call you a fascist? What if you don't have a land-line and your cellphone gets turned off before you go to bed? Is that 3am call more of a problem?

What I'm saying is: don't reduce arguments to childish write-offs, especially when these are supposed to be news threads and not nano-essays.

Re:What the hell...? (2, Insightful)

stupidfoo (836212) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428453)

Laws like this will, in the long run, make the freedom of speech stronger, not weaker.

The first time this is challenged in court it will be struck down, thus setting another precedent for online freedom of speech.

Re:What the hell...? (4, Funny)

Dunbal (464142) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428594)

Laws like this will, in the long run, make the freedom of speech stronger, not weaker.

      However they will do nothing for the kamikazee use of the comma!

Really reason, Bush googled himself (1, Offtopic)

FerretFrottage (714136) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428409)

I wonder if people think I suck [google.com] or if they think I'm great [google.com]?
So I guess he figured that while he was already taking away our freedoms and bypasing the Constitution and/or other institutions in place to help preserve our freedoms, what's one more little law.

Already taken into account (3, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428415)

This is silly: the law needs to start taking into account the qualitative differences between things like telephones, email inboxes, blogs, and IM accounts. A 3 AM phone call is different from a post to blogger.com calling me a jerk.

The law doesn't spell out everything. It's up to judges and juries to decide what qualifies as harrassment. Would they decide repeated 3AM calls is harrassment? Probably. Would they decide somebody calling you a jerk is harrassment? Probably not. But it's something that has to be decided on a case-by-case basis, not something that can be spelled out explicitly by law ahead of time.

I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc.

No, but if you were a small-time blogger just scraping by on ad revenue, you might need protection from people making your comment system utterly useless with continued abuse. If Slashdot didn't have full-time staff to program things like the moderation system, the comments would be useless. And believe me, people aren't coming to Slashdot for the crappy game reviews, years-old news and dupes.

FCP now illegal (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428422)

So now posting 'FP' on slashdot will be a crime?

FCP: First Criminal Post

does this also include political speeches? (4, Interesting)

Unknown Poltroon (31628) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428434)

I ave fellt personally harrased and annoyed by many statements made by politicians. Can I press charges? How can this new law not apply to any form of speech?

intent of the medium (4, Interesting)

beforewisdom (729725) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428444)

The intent of the medium should be considered in these kind of laws.

Blogs are public with an implicit invitation ( unless comments are shut off ) by the owner to contact the owner to share your views.

That is not the same with a phone.

Tor, Proxies (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428449)

... make this largely a moot point. When my comments look like they are coming Thailand or China, there isn't much that can be done.

Even if proxies are blocked, there are other options, such that the neighbors' open AP.

Its relatively easy to do similar things with phones nowdays, thanks to calling cards and VoIP.

Technology always obsoletes the stupidity of congress.

But seriously... (0, Offtopic)

slashdotnickname (882178) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428455)

The electric company just called me regarding a possible power outage... is anyone else's refridgerator running?

Good Law (1)

hattig (47930) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428457)

Too many people think they're hard nuts when they're at the keyboard online.

Certainly if you had a blog which was getting consistent abuse from someone, it'd be nice to be able to stop it by law.

However the harassment factor is a lot lower than with telephone calls, as they're much more liable to annoy in a proactive manner (ringing phone calls every half hour, etc, and I guess that abuse over the phone does affect someone a lot more than words on a webpage). Then again someone anonymous commenting 'wanker' would make most bloggers laugh and think that at least they had something worthwhile to wank with.

You shouldn't be allowed to stalk/harass/abuse someone via any medium.

sneaky sneaky (4, Insightful)

endx7 (706884) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428459)

I'm not concerned with this particular bill as I am with one of the tactics that was used.

Namely, I'm talking about the embedding of other mostly unrelated things into a bill. It's especially bad, since with a bill such as this one, the existance of the DoJ relies on this bill getting passed to get its funding. Because of this, members of congress feeled pressed that the bill must be passed (as was noted in the first sentence of jamie's summary).

Pardon me.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428465)

Do You Have Prince Albert In A Can?

1984 ish (1)

Firewalker_Midnights (943814) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428474)

"Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person...who receives the communications...shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both." So basically, we don't have the right to express an opinion on "how much Rupert Murdoch sucks the bag" (which seems to be the current one this week) anywhere (via electronic means apparently) without seeing the inside of a white-collar prison? I didn't realize that INGSOC took over the internet...

INGSOC? (1)

C10H14N2 (640033) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428540)

No, INGSOC is puttering along quite nicely, removing paternalism (where's that story about removing time restrictions on liquor sales in England?). AMFASC, on the otherhand, is getting quite out of control.

I blog, I hate spam. (1)

Hosiah (849792) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428485)

And I would rather be spammed for all eternity while being forced to use a Windows box while chained to a boulder and up to my pecker in lava in hell than get any "help" from GW for it.

Thats all well and good but... (1)

Toloran (858954) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428496)

I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc
... What about when they use /spit?

How will they determine who it is? (1)

mrtroy (640746) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428501)

Are individuals going to be able to force someone like Slashdot to hand over IP records? And then are they going to be able to force an ISP to hand over details?

Or...is this only going to be used by big companies that want to censor peoples' opinions?

I truly hope the first case of this being used tracks down one of my posts. I really hope I get an email saying "You must remove this post blah blah" so I can go add another that says "Fuck you, I am Canadian".

you might not need it, but they do (5, Insightful)

aeoo (568706) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428502)

A 3 AM phone call is different from a post to blogger.com calling me a jerk. I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc.

Yes, you're right. What sane person would need such a law?

But on the other hand, I can see how politicians and people in power might need such a law. It would make it illegal to criticize them anonymously.

Re:you might not need it, but they do (1)

Dutchmaan (442553) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428654)

"Yes, you're right. What sane person would need such a law?

But on the other hand, I can see how politicians and people in power might need such a law."

There you have it, a direct connection between politicians and insanity!

Blah Blah (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428507)

I'm annoying you. Rarrr. Arrest me now!

. . . and so it goes (4, Insightful)

clancey101 (939107) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428509)

This law is just part of a continuing effort to erode and limit the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights. Continuing attacks on fundamental rights in the United States will continue as long as fear replaces philosophy as the primary tool used to win elections and retain/attain power in elections. It is imperative for citizens of democracies to fight laws which restrict rights -- even if that means protecting the rights of those they find offensive. The test of any action should be whether that action restricts of limits the freedome of others. If it does, then the act is bad., If it does not, then it should be tolerated even if it is ugly and indecent.

Wikipedia/Seigenthaler? (2, Insightful)

dpbsmith (263124) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428531)

I wonder how this plays out in the context of l'affaire Seigenthaler? [wikipedia.org]

"Brian Chase, a 38 year old operations manager at Rush Delivery in Nashville, admitted he had placed the allegations there to play a joke on a colleague..." I suppose Chase's intent was to tweak his (unnamed) colleague, not to annoy Seigenthaler...

The Road to Hell... (4, Interesting)

Billosaur (927319) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428541)

...is paved with Congressional legislation. Who are they kidding? Just how enforceable is this going to be? Are the federal courts (which are already overburdened with real criminal cases) now to be swamped with case of "he called me a fsck-head on Slashdot?" The intent is good, allowing people to avoid harrassment but the execution is lousy. I can't see this standing up to the inevitable challenge by the ACLU in front of the Supreme Court.

Re:The Road to Hell... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428612)

Who are they kidding?

Themselves.

Just how enforceable is this going to be?

Not at all.

Are the federal courts (which are already overburdened with real criminal cases) now to be swamped with case of "he called me a fsck-head on Slashdot?"

No. There will be one case, in which the defense attorney will simply point to the First Amendment to the Constitution, and then this law will no longer exist.

If I block my ID on the phone? (1)

bfmorgan (839462) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428549)

So, am I concealing my indentity if I don't show my phone number on my outgoing calls and make a Crank Yankers call? Just a thought.

Do it on my phone. (1)

C10H14N2 (640033) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428597)

...which is inside a certain agency that sends out the caller-ID 000-000-0000. /jot joking //scares the hell out of friends

I don't know about the authorities being called in (0, Offtopic)

WOSSquee (722543) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428574)

...but I would LOVE for the FBI to be able to track down assholes that I report to them for harrassing me... and have them give me their address. I posted on my LiveJournal about my beloved car that I wrecked, (black ice is eeeeeeevil) with pictures, and some asshole had the gall to post: "(Anonymous) 2005-12-22 10:49 pm UTC (from 65.145.232.121) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I wish there was a barfing with laughter emoticon." Best I could get was: 0-1pool232-121.nas116.newark2.nj.us.da.qwest.net Last I checked, that doesn't include his street address. Actually, considering that his address might actually be IN Newark, New Jersey, maybe I'd better have the feds do the arresting. :(

Mom! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428577)

I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.
I'm not touching.

I did more, but got
Your comment violated the "postercomment" compression filter. Try less whitespace and/or less repetition. Comment aborted.

Anyone Willing to Test This? (1, Troll)

eno2001 (527078) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428581)

Based on my old account's JEs [slashdot.org], I'm sure that a lot of neocons would find me "annoying". Hell, even my new account is rife with JEs and comments that are calculated to annoy. (Too bad today's not Tuesday). What about things like this [speakeasy.org]? What about my freedom of speech that I am supposed to be guaranteed? You know what? Dubya can lick me from crack to sack. And you can quote me on that. I hate that fucking little imbecile.

AC's beware. (1)

Fizzlewhiff (256410) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428586)

Apparently you can be annoying if you use your real name. But if you create a fake name then you are breaking the law. Dumb law. But I guess with the war on terrorism being over, the justice department needed something to do. Now they can go after the flood of AC's on slashdot.

WOOHOOO!!! (2, Funny)

macaulay805 (823467) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428599)

A real solution to those a**es who corpse camp you in WOW!!!

Thank you Bush, now I won't have to worry about my realm server being full any longer!

The point is obvious (5, Insightful)

Deep Fried Geekboy (807607) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428601)

The point of all this bullshit is simply to create a web of laws which can be used to ensnare anybody.

The next time some wingnut retard says 'so long as you've done nothing wrong, you've nothing to fear', point this out (and tell them how annoying they are).

This law is necessary (4, Funny)

nekoniku (183821) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428610)

The terrorists is using the Internets!

And I almost forgot: What about the Children!!?!?!

reroll (2, Funny)

SpineZ (84378) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428640)

I don't need federal protection from that Night Elf who keeps /chickening my Orc.
Reroll on a PvP server plzkthxbai.

Oblig obscure reference... (1)

LouisZepher (643097) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428651)

Will this apply to inter-galactic cranks as well? I'm still emotionally scarred ever since Wowbagger paid a visit...

My future blog (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#14428653)

Well, well. Another brilliant move to lock up the internet. Way to go Bush!
I'm no American. And I certainly would never follow such a law. I post here Anonymously, intentionally. Or will the admins post my IP with this message? Who knows...
Luckily, I'm no American. However the entire world is starting to get based upon limiting privacy. Sure, let's get those friggin terrorists and let us give away our freedom. Sure thing that we would have let the REAL terrorists win.
Sure, let's lock down the entire internet. Well let me tell you, my name is John Doe. Oh wait, maybe it's not, but I don't give a damn. Let your FBI slaves figure it out for you. Let them figure it out for all bloggers that may be American.
I might start a blog, with nothing but flaming posts against those I hate. With stupid things as this, I might as well add mr. George to the list.

[Kept short to avoid FBI traces]

Yours sincerely,
A person that would like to stay anonymous....

Blogging and e-mail way different (5, Insightful)

Cyphertube (62291) | more than 8 years ago | (#14428656)

This law sweeps across with a broad stroke and that's bad legislation.

One problem is a matter of 'annoying' people. What is annoying varies from person to person.

On the one hand, this means that spammers face yet another law against them. So, spamming while in the U.S. is a really bad idea. I'm sorry, if your name is really Ivan Charles Wiener, then, ok, I guess you can continue to send me erectile dysfunction ads as I.C. Wiener. But Heywood Jablowmie had better look out!

My question then is a matter of whether or not posting anonymously on a blog is a problem. If you allow real anonymity and you aren't prepared to handle the system, well, you're a fool. But most blogging software takes care of that. And if you force people to register, problem solved.

The big problem is that 'recipient of communication' is undefined. So, if I have a blog, and I allow people to post anonymously and they don't annoy me, is it a problem if some politician visits my blog and sees that? The original author is anonymous. Granted, as the owner and effective publisher who is not anonymous, well, I would argue that it's now my problem, and too bad, and so on. But sites, like Slashdot, that allow anonymous and disavow ownership of any kind of the post, well, that could be a big problem, as then Slashdot is not committing a crime directly, but can be considered an accessory.

Hopefully, this thing will be given a reasonable smackdown, but I doubt it.

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