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SPECIAL BIRTHDAY REPORT!!! HEMOS IS 30 :) :) :)

CmdrTaco posted more than 8 years ago | from the older-than-you've-ever-been-and-now-you're-even-older dept.

156

Jeff "Hemos" Bates, who you all know and love here on Slashdot, celebrated his 30th Birthday last Monday. The only way to properly celebrate would be to send him belated e-congratulations to hemos at slashdot.org. Show the love. He'd do it for you. No I'm not kidding.

cancel ×

156 comments

Uh.... (5, Funny)

UnCivil Liberty (786163) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039098)

Show the love. He'd do it for you. No I'm not kidding.

With this new "OMG!!! Ponies!!!" layout I'm afraid of Hemos showing me anything...

Not to fear (1)

Scareduck (177470) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039191)

... it's only if he starts developing a hankering for Broadway showtunes that you might be in some trouble...

Re:Not to fear (1)

Yocto Yotta (840665) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039277)

Oh my . . . it starts again . . . [slashdot.org]

Scroll down, and then enjoy the next few pages of Slashdot's 2005 April Fools day.

People are going to be whining and moaning ALL DAY LONG in the forums. You've been warned.

Re:Uh.... (1)

carambola5 (456983) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039298)

Am I the only one imagining Jazmine DuBois from The Boondocks [adult swim] screaming "Oh my god!!! Ponies!!!" in the lemonade stand episode? Because if you do that, it's even funnier.

Re:Uh.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039427)

I never do anything for Hemos, so this time around I got him some email subscriptions.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

uhm guys (2, Funny)

nocomment (239368) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039102)

A little early don't ya think? Apr 1 is tomorrow.

Re:uhm guys (2, Informative)

Barny (103770) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039121)

Hrmm, nope, 12:25pm saturday 1 apr here :)

Let the pink run free!

Wait a tick, I got mod points to spend on apr 1st? this is awsome :)

Re:uhm guys (4, Informative)

scum-e-bag (211846) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039123)

That depends where you live. The world doesn't revolve around the USA...

seppo

Re:uhm guys (5, Funny)

Anoraknid the Sartor (9334) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039173)

Sure - it is well known it revolves around the Poles....

Must make them very happy in Warsaw.

Re:uhm guys (2, Informative)

heinousjay (683506) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039290)

I love when I get to quote the FAQ [slashdot.org] twice in one day.

Welcome, foreign guests.

Re:uhm guys (1)

raoul666 (870362) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039428)

Slashdot is hosted in the US, isn't it? As such, I find it inappropriate to conduct April Fools until it is properly April 1 in the time zone the main server is located at, just as I will not prank anyone until midnight, local time.

Re:uhm guys (4, Funny)

log0n (18224) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039513)

All good nerds know April Fools starts at GMT :>

Re:uhm guys (2, Insightful)

chris_eineke (634570) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039437)

Only on Slashdot one gets modded insightful for that. ^_^

Re:uhm guys (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039469)

"That depends where you live. The world doesn't revolve around the USA..."

Mm hmm. It is 9:23pm in New York City, March 31st, as of my current post here.

Not everybody who thinks the world revolves around them is from the USA.

Re:uhm guys (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039132)

Depends on time zone. It was Apr 1 in Universal Time Coordinated when you typed that, for example.

Re:uhm guys (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039145)

Slashdot: Tomorrow's news today!

(lecular? I swear this captcha thing just makes shit up)

Re:uhm guys (1, Offtopic)

idonthack (883680) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039159)

Rotors: S L A
Stecker-board: SH DO TX
ehyyu wdofx jqvfw yiale qyhzo lfvar keabz anchd fjotw baqgc raeaa vfzdj ikqgh mcyfi awvxf ljkcl etmgo ofrqf nlihx sfejp mryog lstri oudhx cbscd hzvpp lnxts grebi fmjjr zngqv

Re:uhm guys (1)

hunterx11 (778171) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039219)

Sorry, but this [ebay.com] seems a bit expensive just to read your message.

Re:uhm guys (2)

idonthack (883680) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039325)

Rotors: S L A
Stecker-board: SH DO TX
caovf xbjwh bjmwg yrpqv upssf nhmbw sdmyz wwvdx jhqyg dnggh fgcgp knhlyl

Re:uhm guys (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039386)

Rotors: S L A
Stecker-board: SH DO TX

mucqj sqdyy blzvo vrsuv xxbhs xfvys xcluq cxyrz rwcli bhmyb ebydy vzvll eul

Re:uhm guys (1)

Traxton1 (154182) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039397)

Wow, that took me 15 minutes to figure out, but this site http://www.enigmaco.de/ [enigmaco.de] has a good converter.

Oh.... (3, Interesting)

KingOfGod (884633) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039104)

They said "broader appeal". Now I understand.

AKA (1)

technoextreme (885694) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039189)

Operation Get Hemos A Girlfriend.

Why does he need a girlfriend? (1)

Ohreally_factor (593551) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039389)

Aren't squeezing his own man boobs enough?

Here's what I did - everyone else do it too! (4, Funny)

algae (2196) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039106)

$ while true; do
> mail -s "HAPPY BIRFDAY HEMUS!!!!!" hemos@slashdot.org done

Re:Here's what I did - everyone else do it too! (1)

idonthack (883680) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039181)

Rotors: S L A
Stecker-board: SH DO TX
caooa podml cglmx ogalf jryya wdmh qcqij qcbhy ebfbpl

Re:Here's what I did - everyone else do it too! (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039217)

You forgot a semicolon.

$ while true; do
> mail -s "HAPPY BIRFDAY HEMUS!!!!!" hemos@slashdot.org; done

Re:Here's what I did - everyone else do it too! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039229)

God damn it Taco. I told you this shit was going to happen. Now I have to disable my mail account until this damn story is archived.

Hemos

An e-card? (4, Funny)

epee1221 (873140) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039107)

Is slashdotting an inbox really a good idea?

Re:An e-card? (1)

electrofreak (744993) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039125)

Yes!!!!

Re:An e-card? (1)

UnCivil Liberty (786163) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039139)

Is slashdotting an inbox really a good idea?

No, but signing him up for lots of pr0n is.
*quickly makes his own email address invisibile on /.*

Re:An e-card? (1)

Kronik Gamer (518652) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039205)

Sure, why not? Maybe we can get listed on one of those Top 10 DOS charts. We'll fit nicely between buffer overflows and injection flaws.

Forget-me-somes. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039113)

"Show the love. He'd do it for you. No I'm not kidding."

So what's he getting me this year?

birthdays... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039115)

are pointless

yep

Story text correction... (4, Funny)

apk (120253) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039117)

Um, no. Don't know him, don't love him, and I only show my "love" to the Ponies!!!

There. Fixed.

I knew it! (5, Funny)

irimi_00 (962766) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039130)

Pr0n does have strange effects on society.

Thank you Christopher Finke (5, Funny)

cubicle_cowboy (521716) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039135)

If it weren't for your Firefox Extension, I'd be clawing my eyeballs out ;)

Strange email format? (3, Funny)

Captain Perspicuous (899892) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039136)

Hey, why the strange email format? Hemos email is hemos@slashdot.org . Let's write it correctly so that our friends from the spiced pork and meat front can join in with the congratulatory messages! :-)

Very Happy Birthday To You (3, Funny)

omineo (649995) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039137)

10 print "Happy Birthday To You" 20 print "Happy Birthday To You" 30 print "Happy Birthday To You, Dear HEMOS" 40 Goto 10

Re:Very Happy Birthday To You (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039479)

*40 Goto court for public performance of copyrighted material

30 is good. (1, Informative)

suso (153703) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039138)

Happy Birthday Hemos!! Hope you have a good year.

I just turned 30 back in February. Really, its not as bad as people will make you think.

Actually, I was born on the day Bill Gates wrote the letter to the Homebrew Computer Club [slashdot.org] . I wonder if anyone here was born on April 1st, 1976 (day Apple was founded)

Re:30 is good. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039269)

That would be cosmically unlikely even if there were 1/100 as many users.

if it's true... (1)

23skiddoo (31460) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039142)

...then happy freakin' birthday, young whippersnapper! Buy that man a beer or six! In fact, make it a case of barleywine! Woo-hoo!

Wow... (1)

meme_police (645420) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039147)

...hit Refresh and my eyes are blown out. I'm suing.

Un-antispamified email (4, Funny)

killa62 (828317) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039149)

hemos@slashdot.org

^
so he gets more spam
SPAM ME PLZ NOW!!!! [mailto]

Re:Un-antispamified email (1)

nsaneinside (831846) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039481)

Now, that's just evil.

So in other words (1)

moochfish (822730) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039152)

"Happy birthday dude!!! We're gonna /. your inbox!!"

Our present for Hemos (1)

Rick Zeman (15628) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039153)

OMG, ponies!

uRPd4y m3s54g3 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039158)

H4pPy B3Rthd4Y H0M05!!!

I get the joke.... I get the joke... (5, Insightful)

technoextreme (885694) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039160)

Hehehh.. Read the description. Taco said Hemos celebrated his birthday last Monday. Get it. He is making fun of the fact that stories usually get posted a week later and people complain about it. Perhaps though I am reading to much into it.

Re:I get the joke.... I get the joke... (4, Funny)

cmclean (230069) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039249)

He is making fun of the fact that stories usually get posted a week later and people complain about it.

And for added effect, there will be a dupe next week.

Re:I get the joke.... I get the joke... (1)

Aranth Brainfire (905606) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039331)

No, I think dupes are already covered... unless exactly one person and only one person sends only one email to him...

Re:I get the joke.... I get the joke... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039261)

Yes, but I'm still waiting the dupe of this article!

congrats homos (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039163)

heres thinkin flowers for you since we went pink. amazing i didn't know till now that 98.3% of us were guys.

special present (1, Funny)

sho-gun (2440) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039171)

To celebrate the birthday, I'm sure he'd appreciate getting
his email address on some special mailing lists too..

Brokeback Mountain Fan Club?
Care Bears members club?

c'mon, I'm sure I'm missing a few here..

Happy Birthday to you! (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039172)

Happy Birthday Homo!

A birthday gift for the Slashdot team (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039176)

Perhaps we should get them some validating HTML [w3.org] for a present. ZING!

30, FLIRTY, AND FABULOUS!!!! (2, Funny)

Darth Liberus (874275) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039180)

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!11111one HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!! xoxoxox

Re:30, FLIRTY, AND FABULOUS!!!! (1)

Kuku_monroe (753761) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039200)

er.. i didnt know hemos was a girl...

Re:30, FLIRTY, AND FABULOUS!!!! (1)

LiquidCoooled (634315) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039237)

OMG Ponies!

(Incidentally, that should be used in a similar context to "Snakes...ON A PLANE!")

Re:30, FLIRTY, AND FABULOUS!!!! (2, Insightful)

Darth Liberus (874275) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039255)

we should totally start a MySpace group for ponies!! LOLS

(and the mods should turn off the lameness filter for today so we can post in all caps)

Unccl oveguqnl! (1)

mfarah (231411) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039183)

Unccl oveguqnl, Urzbf! V ubcr lbh svaq vg svggvat gung V pbatenghyngr
lbhe guvegl lrnef ol rapbqvat guvf va ebg-guvegrr... re... arire zvaq.

Re:Unccl oveguqnl! (1)

Barny (103770) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039221)

Stupid windows machines at work, had to go to uh, the cypher with dot com, to decode it, what ever happened to email clients with heavy encryption? :P

Heh, welcome to the club Jeff. :) (1)

OctobrX (2726) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039210)

While you are just joining the 30 something club, others of us, namely me, are about to exit it in a few years. :)

Anyhoo, happy Bday! (belated)

Trae

30!?! Wait 'til 40 (4, Funny)

warpSpeed (67927) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039233)

An you get that appointment with Dr Jellyfingers.

Happy BDay, and thanks for inventing the best way to kill time for geeks.

HEY HEMOS (0, Troll)

Mancat (831487) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039235)

Hey man... Remember that time when we went to Amsterdam and picked up that hooker, but she really wasn't a hooker? She sure fucked like a hooker... And floated just like a hooker, after we suffocated her with your Rick Steeves fanny pack and dropped her fuck-battered corpse into the Amstel!!! GOOD TIMES MAN! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

Happy Bday (1)

necrognome (236545) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039256)

Happy Birthday, Hemos! If you ever find yourself in Brooklyn, email me for free beer. This offer only applies to Hemos, not all of slashdot. :)

Re:Happy Bday (1)

Gice (708222) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039541)

yours is the best sig i have ever seen, ever. haha!

No jokes yet? (4, Funny)

jbailey999 (146222) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039257)

What?!? 32 comments and no jokes saying that now that he's 30[0] he can no longer be called Master Bates? DID EVERYONE ELSE IN SLASHDOT GROW UP TOO?

Sheesh people.. ;)

[0] Dict entry 5 from the 1913 Websters for those without context.

OMG :) (5, Funny)

nugneant (553683) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039263)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!11! HEmoS U cuTiE 4 ReAL r U rellY ThIR30? BCuz U LoOOK yungEr ReLLY :) :) *KiSS* *mWAH* i loVe uR uPDateS sPEciaLLY wHen U sAy MiCROSoft sUX beCauSe TheY sOoOoOoOoOoOo dO! oMG rEaLLY!!! bIll GaTEs is a HIdEus TRoLl oF a MaN noT a HoTTIe lIak u AND LiNuS TrIvOlDooReEs!!1! ok u HottIE hIt mE baCk nD ADD mE to uR mySPace DARlinG ;-) ;-) <3 *mWAH*

HaPPY bIrthDAy HEMOS :)

April Fools (5, Funny)

heptapod (243146) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039286)

I know this is April Fool's Day because they actually used the correct spelling of "congratulations".

Taco (1, Redundant)

prisoner (133137) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039291)

is clearly loaded and has no business posting more stories. Go sleep it off dude before my eyes explode.

LOL (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039302)

That's FUNNY!

My god... (1)

helioquake (841463) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039313)

Not only it's one day early, the site turned to really pinkish Ghey.

Obligatory (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039317)

DA GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

You know... (1)

Donniedarkness (895066) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039320)

The pink is actually pretty pleasing to the eyes. Odd... I like it. Anyway of keeping it around?

Oh no! (-1, Troll)

toupsie (88295) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039324)

Get ready for the annual 24 hours of suck at slashdot. See ya at Digg.

OMG Penties (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039333)

Man, first I read it as OMG Penties... Then I put on my glasses...
I think we need more fashion stuff at Slashdot.
More sex, too. More lesbians would be a good compromise to start with.

Might be beneficial for the birthday boy in the coming decade.

Cool (1)

md04 (241548) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039341)

Pink for Homos birthday?

Nice...

Dear Slashdot Guys, (5, Funny)

identity0 (77976) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039354)

I was in the process of getting my company, a Fortune 500 company in the defense sector with global operations, to switch major IT components to open source software. I had proposed that we switch our current nightmarish mix of Windows NT, 2000, XP, VMS, AIX, IIS, MSSQL, Oracle, Sybase, .Net, C++, VB, ActiveX, Java, Snobol, COBOL, Punch cards, and a giant wall of post-it notes with Linux, Apache, MySQL, and Perl.

The management was very worried about the level of support, but of course I assured them that we could do everything in-house. Then, they were worried that Linux and the "free software hippie crowd" was too unprofessional, and we would lose prestiege using their products. I had assured them that you guys were clean-cut, well-adjusted young men dedicatted to the scholarly task of Software Engineering, and was showing them around the F/OSS sites to prove my point. Everything was going well, until I came to Slashdot.

First, a wall of pink assaulted their eyes, and a collective gasp came out of the wall of grey suits in the conference room. Then the "OMG!!! Ponies!!!" tagline slowly sank in, and before I could react, they had noticed the very unprofessional line of emoticons (against Company Information Technology Policy CITP-0034A-1), and use of official sites to convey personal messages (against Company Information Technology Policy CITP-1138-THX). I panicked, and started to explain that there must be something wrong, they must have been hacked by teenage girls or something, but before I could go further, The Chairman Himself spoke up. He said, "My god, either they're a bunch of preverts an hemos-"(I think he meant homos)"-or they've been pwn3d by some little girlies!" (I'm still not sure if I heard him say 'pwn3d'-maybe I imagined it in the stress of the moment).

The Chairman then went on to explain that there was no way that our company, a respectable organization founded by, and still run by, patriotic God-fearing Anglo-Saxon males, could get mixed up with such a deviant and preverted group of people, and there was no way we could trust any software from 'men' such as these, no sir. The company's Open Source project was quietly shut down after that, and now they've even removed FireFox and gone back to "Good old-fashioned American-as-apple-pie Internet Explorer".

Now I have been fired, and sent to Guantanamo Bay for treasonous actions such as mine. I was able to smuggle a Commie 64 here up my ass, though, and my cellmate Junis from Afghanistan has been showing me how to use it to browse the web and get to Slashdot.

Dear God, my life sucks now. And it's all because of YOU, Taco!

Sincerely,
  Inamate TRG-113

Re: Oblig Outsiders Quote (1)

The Meshback (777966) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039439)

Looks like Ol' Gordo just screwed the pooch.

Pink Psychology (1)

Danathar (267989) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039373)

Studies have shown that Pink...while soothing for the first hour or so then causes EXTREME violence.

http://www.colormatters.com/body_pink.html [colormatters.com]

I can feel it! You would'nt like me when I'm angry.

Oh, common... aprilfool tag? (0, Redundant)

Lemmingue (788112) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039384)

Now it's not about fooling anyone, it's about to loose an entire slashdot day with bullshit and treating us like idiots.

Birthday Picture (1)

Werrismys (764601) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039401)

Birthday picture [www.iki.fi] .

wow (1)

mnemonic_ (164550) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039436)

Wow, that's pathetic.

4/1 - Does Taco sleep? (1)

The Meshback (777966) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039403)

Seems you're getting an early start this year, Taco. Anyone remember last year when he went on a caffeine-induced spree and posted the same 4 articles at the rate of 1 per minute for close to an hour. His present to everyone who has ever posted 'DUPE!'

Remember Taco, it's only funny until someone gets hurt. And OMG PONIES ROXOR!

Hmmm... (0)

Crypto1969FLA (779950) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039415)

But why it pink? He gay or summin?

MY EYES!!!!!!!!! (1)

Caduceus1 (178942) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039420)

Argghhh...I....can't...see....blinded...must...plu ck...out...eyes...

Great, Another Wasted Day (0, Troll)

bryanporter (847667) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039434)

Fantastic. I forgot that April Fools Day was an entire day wasted to completely meaningless drivel posted to an otherwise newsworthy site. C'mon Slashdot, you've been around what, 10 years now? Time to grow up and dispense with the april fools crap.

Re:Great, Another Wasted Day (1)

Shacky (948434) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039455)

And to think, I thought this would be a post where dumb flames
wouldn't take place by the people working in the mail room..


I was wrong.

Re:Great, Another Wasted Day (1)

bryanporter (847667) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039480)

And to think, I thought my personal opinion on the content of this site on april fools day would be read and understood by thinking adults.

I was wrong, too.

Glassy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039442)

Woohoo! Glassy Ponies layout.
That's just hilarious and so web 2.0.

Remember... (0, Troll)

ursabear (818651) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039457)

It's all PINK on the INSIDE!

By the way...it's not too early... (1)

Caduceus1 (178942) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039490)

...if you are anywhere BUT the Americas for the most part. It's April 1st in most of the world now.

Is this MySpace? (1)

NeoBeans (591740) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039493)

OMG! THIS IS SO KEWL!

Shitdot sucks (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15039500)

I see shitdot has become totally useless

Only when Pokemon gaming is over.. (1)

bangzilla (534214) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039523)

Yeah - so Hemos won't see this until his current Pokemon game is over (I kid you not). I'll have a T-shirt made and give it to him next week in Boston so he can enjoy the Pinkness of it all. Congrats Jeff. Never thought you'd make it to 30.... I need to aim better next time! Col

Congrats Hemos (1)

delflyzero (706112) | more than 8 years ago | (#15039525)

Many more BD's Buddy
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