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New Plans From Lucasfilm

Zonk posted about 8 years ago | from the galaxy-not-too-far-away dept.

101

Lawrence Person writes "Locus Online has the announcement from Lucasfilms stating that they have authorized an 'adult' line of Star Wars novels. From the article: 'While the movies were still an ongoing project, it was important to portray all aspects of the Star Wars universe as wholesome family entertainment. However, now that the cycle of films is done, we can finally broaden the Star Wars franchise into marketing niches we'd heretofore avoided, and adult entertainment is at the top of our list.'" Relatedly, H_Fisher writes "In a first-of-its-kind move, George Lucas has announced that Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox will offer free 'replacement DVDs' to anyone who mails in pre-Special Edition VHS and Laserdisc copies of Star Wars episodes IV, V, and VI by April 30th. From the press release: 'This unique opportunity will help fans experience the complete and correct vision of my epic story.'"

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101 comments

hmmmmm (2, Insightful)

joper90 (669321) | about 8 years ago | (#15040938)

these get worse every year.

Re:hmmmmm (-1, Flamebait)

Goldberg's Pants (139800) | about 8 years ago | (#15041037)

Conclusive proof that the internet is populated by idiots with a mental age of 12, since I know I haven't given a crap about this day since I was that age.

Every fucking year the internet goes to hell for a day with unfunny crap like this.

Fucking grow up!

ohhh I thought you meant Star Wars (1)

aplusjimages (939458) | about 8 years ago | (#15041372)

I didn't realize this was an April Fool's joke. I thought you meant that Star Wars gets worse every year and I agreed. But you meant the jokes. Oops.

Re:hmmmmm (1)

LittleKing (688048) | about 8 years ago | (#15041489)

It's a little disturbing but I could actually see the Star Wars "adult line of novels" happening before the free placement plan would take place. That greedy bastard.

Re:hmmmmm (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042374)

Well...at least we know the acting won't get any worse.

Feelings for ... a sister! (4, Funny)

Agent Green (231202) | about 8 years ago | (#15040939)

And still, Luke's feelings for his sister will make his betrayal complete ...

MOD TEH POST AND EVERY REPLY TO IT NFOMRMATIVE! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041054)

subj.

More April Fools Jokes (4, Informative)

Urgo (28400) | about 8 years ago | (#15040940)

For the third year in a row, Urgo's list of April Fool's Jokes on Websites [urgo.org] contains the most complete list of April Fool's Day pranks websites have created. Featured by news.com.com.com.. [com.com] and Microsoft [microsoft.com], the site strives to list EVERY joke site, and is updated every few minutes with new verified jokes. wikipedia [wikipedia.org] also contains a sizeable list.

Sample:

tveps.net [tveps.net] - Isaac 'Chef' Hayes not leaving southpark after all. Comes clean that it was a publicity stunt.

thinkgeek.com [thinkgeek.com] - USB Tanning Center, RFID Blocking T-shirt, Grow Your Own 1up Mushroom Kit, Caffeine Inhaler, and more

theregister.co.uk [theregister.co.uk] - customise The Register to suit your needs - from blocking ads, to selecting the kind of stories you really want to read.

worldofwarcraft.com [worldofwarcraft.com] - Blizzard to put Wisps as a playable race for World of Warcraft.

tvpredictions.com [tvpredictions.com] - Ready for X-ray TV? New TV picture technology even clearer than HDTV; you can actually see through people's clothing on TV.

blizzard.com [blizzard.com] - BLIZZARD ENTERTAINMENT® PRESENTS BURGERCRAFT(TM)

bolloxcomics.co.uk [bolloxcomics.co.uk] - Myspace parody

bolloxcomics.co.uk [bolloxcomics.co.uk] - YTMND parody

wiebetech.com [wiebetech.com] - 5 TB iPod

sideshowtoy.com [sideshowtoy.com] - Half a Darth Maul Figure Exclusive?

slashdot.org [slashdot.org] - OMG!!! PONIES!!! (and pink layout)

whirlpool.net.au [whirlpool.net.au] - Telstra will only release 2mbit ADSL2+ in Australia.

forums.worldofwarcraft.com [worldofwarcraft.com] - World of Warcraft 1.11 patch notes leaked

mymsnsearch.com [mymsnsearch.com] - fake (but hilariously accurate) search results

gearlog.com [gearlog.com] - Laptop Lingerie: Bringing Tech & Pleasure Together

googlesystem.blogspot.com [blogspot.com] - Google Browser is finally launched. Installer 1.68MB

sordeo.com [sordeo.com] - mirror image and the title says, 'Now optimized for those afflicted with Dyslexia'

eternal-lands.com [eternal-lands.com] - Free Software Foundation buys Eternal Lands

Re:More April Fools Jokes (4, Insightful)

SirSlud (67381) | about 8 years ago | (#15041051)

About 10 years ago, April Fools used to be a time to try and fool people. Now its a time to insult people's intelligence with self-indulgent humour.

Woe is me.

Sheesh, lighten up! (4, Insightful)

sgant (178166) | about 8 years ago | (#15041147)

No one is insulting anyone. It's all just good fun. If you don't like it, take a big dose of Ambien and sleep through the entire day.

Re:Sheesh, lighten up! (4, Insightful)

stinky wizzleteats (552063) | about 8 years ago | (#15041235)

mod parent up. I personally very much enjoy that April 1 is turning into the Internet's biggest holiday.

Yes, it's silly. We all know it's silly. Telling everyone this does not make you look more intelligent. If you don't like April 1, don't be a fucktwit. Just STFU until tomorrow.

Re:Sheesh, lighten up! (1)

Khuffie (818093) | about 8 years ago | (#15042145)

Oooh! I like that description. I say us geeks reclaim April 1 and name it "The Internet Holiday"

Re:Sheesh, lighten up! (1)

caffeination (947825) | about 8 years ago | (#15043082)

I'm in [caffeination.net]*, and I too was inspired by his post. Once I read that, I gave this day a real chance to shine, instead of just enjoying it, and it's quite true. If you spend a few hours of April 1st on the internet, it can really cheer you up.

Re:Sheesh, lighten up! (1)

Tablizer (95088) | about 8 years ago | (#15042768)

I personally very much enjoy that April 1 is turning into the Internet's biggest holiday.

What the hell is The Onion going to do? Publish a real story?
         

Re:More April Fools Jokes (1)

aplusjimages (939458) | about 8 years ago | (#15041376)

The Internet has made us lazy and McDonalds has made us fat. We aren't in the same shape we were 10 years ago.

Re:More April Fools Jokes (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041985)

about 10 years ago vanilla ice was popular.

i rest my case

OMG!!! You're just soooooooo non-pink and mean! (1)

Hartree (191324) | about 8 years ago | (#15042915)

Talk about, like, being so out of pinkish clue. :P :P :P

Do you also, like, make Bob Cratchit work on Christmas?

And you probly hate ponies too! What a total loser.

Re:More April Fools Jokes (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041102)

HOW MANY OF THEM ARE FUNNY??

I know the ones on slashdot sure aint, gets worse every year.

Re:More April Fools Jokes (1)

macboygrey (828059) | about 8 years ago | (#15042171)

from the Microsoft link...
last year saw phony Redmond press releases announcing development of Visual Studio for Linux"

Hahahahaha. That is a good one. Like anybody would use it... ;)
I love my trusty vi.

the sword edition (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040944)

i can now see the swords having a dildo hand grip.

"adult" entertainment? (5, Funny)

raz0 (899158) | about 8 years ago | (#15040945)

Oh noes.. I can just see it. "Is that a lightsaber, or are you just happy to see me?"

Attack Of The Clones (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042553)

May I suggest that one of the adult stories be about a galaxy full of Hiromi Oshima [wikipedia.org] clones.

IIRC (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040946)

Didn't LucasFilms sue over an anime revisioning of Star Wars with adult film themes? Why, yes, they did. And because of the publicity from their action I became aware of the existence of said DVD and purchased a copy.

It wasn't very good. But then the source material had its shortcomings.

Finally . . . (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040947)

Finally, Han is gonna throw it to Leia. We've all been waiting for this...

Re:Finally . . . (0, Redundant)

ozmanjusri (601766) | about 8 years ago | (#15041070)

Finally, Han is gonna throw it to Leia. We've all been waiting for this...

Yeah, and he'll still shoot first.

There shoud be plenty of opportunity to film them. (5, Funny)

gowen (141411) | about 8 years ago | (#15040949)

... because Mark Hammill is stuck doing porn these days, right?

Re:There shoud be plenty of opportunity to film th (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040986)

... because Mark Hammill is stuck doing porn these days, right?

Of coarse. His latest is Wookie Nights

/. is increasingly homoerotic... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040951)

with all this talk of light-sabers, and pics of fanboys. HOT!

I have dreamt a dirty dream... (1)

theheff (894014) | about 8 years ago | (#15040953)

... involving jabba the hut. Finally, my dreams have become a reality!

Re:I have dreamt a dirty dream... (1)

just-a-stone (766843) | about 8 years ago | (#15041091)

better than shaved wookies and ewoks.
but i always knew that the final scene in episode IV with lots of small ships trying to penetrate the large sphere want to tell me someting.

Front page Pr0n! (1)

bloodstar (866306) | about 8 years ago | (#15040954)

he asked for it:
http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=181816&cid=150 38555 [slashdot.org]
Of course, books mean we have to imagine it, but this is slashdot, that's all we do anyway... right? right????

Re:Front page Pr0n! (1)

Scooter's_dad (833628) | about 8 years ago | (#15041374)

Of course, books mean we have to imagine it, but this is slashdot, that's all we do anyway... right? right????

Hey, I've been married for eight years... so yes, all I do is imagine it.

RrrooWWWww[censored]wwrrwwr (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | about 8 years ago | (#15040968)

So... is doing a Wookiee legal in most states?

Re:RrrooWWWww[censored]wwrrwwr (4, Informative)

MichaelSmith (789609) | about 8 years ago | (#15040983)

So... is doing a Wookiee legal in most states?

I don't think its actually Illegal. But I wouldn't consider it to be safe...

Informative? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041052)

the moderation is funnier than the post

Never ever again (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040990)

I'll never ever will be watching lucas' movies. Even with padme being naughty in a pre prequel or something like that.

Does it work the other way? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15040996)

If I send George my post-special edition versions will he send me the originals on DVD?

One good thing about all this (0, Troll)

davmoo (63521) | about 8 years ago | (#15040998)

I'm glad April 1st falls on a weekend this year. That lessens the chance that something important will happen in the tech world today. And so it won't get lost in all these lame-ass, and obvious, April Fools posts. I'm also thankful that it only comes once a year, thus making Slashdot totally fucking useless only one day a year.

Re:One good thing about all this (2, Funny)

4e617474 (945414) | about 8 years ago | (#15041015)

Ah, good. The dissenting April Fool's curmudgeon. Now that someone's broken the irritating, predictable, off-topic, humor-derailing, cliche seal, I can let loose.

In Soviet Russia, your incessant April Fool's Post Overlords welcome you!

I don't get it with you April Fool's story zealots. I've been sitting here looking at Commander Taco's cats for twenty minutes trying to get three chuckles...

Re:One good thing about all this (1)

ROBOKATZ (211768) | about 8 years ago | (#15041030)

It's just moderately useless the rest of the year. Besides, when something does 'happen in the tech world', it usually takes at least a day for a link to an article to show up on slashdot anyways, so you're not missing anything.

Re:One good thing about all this (1)

davmoo (63521) | about 8 years ago | (#15041044)

That's true. And then when we do finally hear about it here, we get two or three times in succession. A day without dupes is like a day without sunshine :-)

Re:One good thing about all this (1)

Reziac (43301) | about 8 years ago | (#15042499)

And as everyone knows, a day without sunshine is like night!

(And why is it so dark in this basement??)

Re:One good thing about all this (1)

khellendros1984 (792761) | about 8 years ago | (#15041200)

And just mostly useless the rest of the time? What with the dupes and random, inane comments typically found on this site, of course

Re:One good thing about all this (1)

Jetekus (909605) | about 8 years ago | (#15041268)

Yeah, I hate it when people have fun! Things which aren't factually accurate should be banned, I tell you!

Loosen up, would you?

...millions of DVDs suddenly cried out in terror.. (1)

scolen2 (956819) | about 8 years ago | (#15041008)

OMG!!! Ewoks!!! Seriously, wtf is lucas doing. He has become not only what he despised when he started out to be a film maker, but he's also become the evil that he frack'n writes into screen plays! HOLY CRAP! I live in marin and accually see him quite offten driving his average everyday commuter car (Farrari) to work (Ranch) and take pleasure in flipping him off ever time i see him tugging at his fluffy ewoke beard pondering what his next crappy move will be. 1. The biggest secret in movie history was that vader was lukes father, so much that it was kept from the crew until show time. 2. When asked if "a new fan started to watch starwars for the first time, what order should they watch it in?" Lucas said EP 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Uhm... wouldn't that void the surprise that he worked so hard to keep? Seriously, someone lock him up before he starts remastering the Ewoke adventures and runining... oh wait, nm.

Han Solo shagged Leia? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041018)

So the rumors are true, and Han Solo really shagged Leia in ESB? I hope that they did the shot 20 years ago, if they have to re-shot with Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford now I wouldnt want to see this...

so.... (2, Insightful)

joe 155 (937621) | about 8 years ago | (#15041042)

you mean that they weren't already adult films... now I know I'm your average evangelical puritan, but I'm pretty sure that when Han Solo kissed the Princess THAT WAS A SIN... did we see a marriage before hand... hell worth almost... and don't even get me started on the possible incest situation, the killing (outside of an official, state designated, war) and the wife beating / strangling

Luke committed the SIN! (1)

CyberLord Seven (525173) | about 8 years ago | (#15042304)

Jeeezus H Christ, he got wood when he kissed his fuckin' SISTER!
Mr. Rogers voice: Can you say incest?
And don't complain to me that you couldn't see the wood. Just look at that expression on his face: that was one satisfied, horny, incestuous FREAK!
Anyway, don't we already have the XXX version of Star Wars? It's called Flesh Gordon. A damned funny and entertaining film that was released before Star Wars. (Does that make it a prequel?)

But wait?! (2, Interesting)

Rodong (906804) | about 8 years ago | (#15041072)

Even if this is a april fools thing, and there WONT be an adult star wars movie, the idea does have merit in one way; If you define adult movie as=Movie for adults, void of bullshit, jar jar binks, cute fuzzy animals added to make it more child friendly, if you added a bit of grittyness, a heavier plot and even blood, then you might actually have a adult science fiction movie, something that hasn't been done in a good way in a long time, and i'm not counting I Robot.

Re:But wait?! (1)

Scarletdown (886459) | about 8 years ago | (#15041133)

I'd love to see ROTJ redone the way Lucas originally conceived it, using Wookies instead of Ewoks.

The carnage would have been glorious.

Re:But wait?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041403)

Depends on what you define as "a long time", but IMHO Pitch Black certainly counts... and it's probably the only good movie that Vin (or was it VAN?) Diesel was in.

George isn't just content with destroying... (5, Funny)

gijoel (628142) | about 8 years ago | (#15041076)

... our childhood memories. Now he wants to destroy our adult fantasties.

SW pr0n (1)

kronocide (209440) | about 8 years ago | (#15041082)

There is already pr0n in the movies. Check out the scene where Han and Leia are ducking stormtrooper fire outside the entrance to the force field generator in RotJ. At one time Leia falls down, Han leans down and asks "Are you okay?" and quickly feels her breast. Scout's honor. Just slowmo through the scene and you'll see that Harrison Ford does it intentionally . As opposed to the OP, this is not an April Fool's joke.

Finally! (3, Funny)

NeuroManson (214835) | about 8 years ago | (#15041084)

"Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?" has a double entendre!
(That, and "This may smell bad kid, but it'll keep you warm.")

this is disturbing (1)

skam240 (789197) | about 8 years ago | (#15041123)

"In a first-of-its-kind move, George Lucas has announced that Lucasfilm and 20th Century Fox will offer free 'replacement DVDs' to anyone who mails in pre-Special Edition VHS and Laserdisc copies of Star Wars episodes IV, V, and VI by April 30th. From the press release: 'This unique opportunity will help fans experience the complete and correct vision of my epic story.'"

The man is trying to rub out history with this move. Aside from the pirate versions of the laser disk, fans have few refuges for enduring copies of the triology which dont feature magic, blaster bolt dodging Han Solo or similiar crap which shows up in the new versons of the orginal Starwars triology. This is just another step in trying to erase what was seen by most fans, as a superior cinematic experience.

I hate to say it but our only hope is that the man dies and leaves the rights to starwars to some one who isnt an asshole.

Does anyone else... (1)

Josh teh Jenius (940261) | about 8 years ago | (#15041187)

Does anyone else agree these "April Fools" posts are worth it, if only to laugh at those who haven't gotten the joke yet?

Oh...right...sarcasm.

OMG it's true!!!11one (2, Insightful)

Dachannien (617929) | about 8 years ago | (#15041191)

From the press release: 'This unique opportunity will help fans experience the complete and correct vision of my epic story.'

The disturbing thing is, I wouldn't put it past him to actually do this.

Re:OMG it's true!!!11one (1)

Reziac (43301) | about 8 years ago | (#15042490)

Oh, no, this is just an attempt to get all the Star Wars slash authors to come out from the underground, so Lucas can stomp the genre into oblivion. After all, Lucas himself said, "There is no sex in the Star Wars universe".

[Actually, this is close to truth. Lucas DID sic lawyers on the slash community, which is why all SW slash is published underground.)

Hmm. Slash. Slashdot. Coincidence? ;)

Star Whores (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041221)

"Suck on this, princess!"
"I challenge you to a Pork Sword duel!"
"Your Wookie just man-raped me!"
"Why's your spaceship shaped like a rampant rabbit?"

I cannot see where to fit Jabba The Hut into this.

Otherwise, sign me up.

Scout Walker Karma Sutra (1)

backwardMechanic (959818) | about 8 years ago | (#15041261)

Since nobody else has listed it yet, here's the Karma Sutra [scoutwalker.com] as you've never seen it before!

Re:Scout Walker Karma Sutra (1)

Bucc5062 (856482) | about 8 years ago | (#15041459)

That is just wrong...very very wrong, and yet somehow stimulating?

I must take my brain out be cleaned now, though the image of two Scouts copulating may never really go away

Sexual Star Wars Healing (5, Funny)

kamapuaa (555446) | about 8 years ago | (#15041283)

In the Movie Star Wars:


1. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.
2. Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!
3. Look at the size of that thing!
4. Sorry about the mess...
5. You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.
6. Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?
7. You've got something jammed in here real good.
8. Put that thing away before you get us all killed!
9. Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?
10. Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care WHAT you smell!
11. You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!
12. Get on top of it!

In the Movie The Empire Strikes Back:
1. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
2. Possible he came in through the south entrance.
3. I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?
4. Hurry up, golden rod...
5. That's OK, I like to keep it on manual control for a while.
6. But now we must eat. Come, good food, come...
7. Control, control...You must learn control!
8. There's an awful lot of moisture in here.
9. Size matters not...judge me by my size do you?
10. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!
11. Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Appropriate title? (3, Funny)

192939495969798999 (58312) | about 8 years ago | (#15041301)

Star Whores?

I'm sorry, it's been a long week.

Re:Appropriate title? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15041381)

Pink Post #15041221 beat your #15041301 to this joke.

As a special APR01 punishment for getting the moderation, you should be stripped and paraded through San Francisco wearing a 'Hello Big Boy' hat.

Titles (1)

Elitist_Phoenix (808424) | about 8 years ago | (#15041326)

The Adventures of Jango Phatt; Intergalactic Booty Hunter
Hotel Porkins
Amidala, Queen of Naboob (soft core)
Chicks with Tentacles (Fetish)
Sith On My Face
Sex Wars Episode IV: A New Hole
Judge Me by My Size (fetish)
Hoth in the Sheets
Dirty Jedi #43
Debbie does Dantooine.
The Devaronian and Miss Jones
Mesa so Horny - Gungan fetish
Red Lekku Bonanza - Twi'Lek fetish
Hutt Sluts
Yes, My Master - Sith S&M
The Secret Life of Princess LayUs
Hands Solo
Boba Fetish: Capture Me (BDSM)
Wookiee Nookie
Lightsaber Lovin'
Blow My Death Star
Fat and Frisky (Hutts)
Lando's co-ed house party
Artoo & 3PO's power coupling

Stolen from here for easier reading and to make sure they don't get slashdotted: http://www.shavenwookie.com/orhp/humour/swporn.txt [shavenwookie.com]

adult star wars goods (1)

bulbach (668352) | about 8 years ago | (#15041563)

There are already Star Wars slot machines. I was a little surprised when I first saw them in Vegas, but with Star Wars being the brand whore that it is, this story, sadly enough, really is a little bit plausible.

greedo shoots first (1)

j1bb3rj4bb3r (808677) | about 8 years ago | (#15042447)

Lucas was quoted as saying, "They got it all wrong... now the fans will really get to see what I meant when I told the editors that Greedo should shoot first."

Natalie Portman + Hot Grits for REAL! (2, Funny)

lushman (251748) | about 8 years ago | (#15042474)

Does this mean my fantasy of Natalie Portman covered in hot grits will actually come true?

w00t!!!
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