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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed

CowboyNeal posted more than 8 years ago | from the future-of-gaming dept.

80

Aranth writes "The staff at Ars Technica has gotten its hands on a demo of Duke Nukem Forever, and has written up a review. It seems the game is near ready for release! As the article explains, the reason it has taken so long to develop is because this is the first real Web 3.0 application- it has 'been rewritten as an Ajax application written using the Ruby on Rails framework' and runs in any web browser, although some seem to have difficulties." Sadly, the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies. :(((( But, it's playable from my hiptop!! :))))

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Try a little harder... (3, Interesting)

tpjunkie (911544) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042224)

Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

MoonFog (586818) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042255)

Who says they're trying? "Everyone" knows that April 1st stories on Slashdot are bogus. Or perhaps you really think we'll be seeing this pink theme and stories about cuteoverload from now on? Laugh, it's funny.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

nelsonal (549144) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042558)

Dang, I was hoping that I'd won a pony. That ruins my day.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

Doomstalk (629173) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042721)

Laugh, it's funny.

It is? Could've fooled me.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

Sigma 7 (266129) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042278)

Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.


Bad advice - a true reader doesn't want them to even try mangling what would be good AFJs.

A good AFJ would be the Goblin Tinker announcement. It even fooled Slashdot since they mangled it to make it look like an obvious AFJ.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

BongoBen (776302) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042567)

As I read through the article, I tried to make myself believe that the game was actually going to come out soon. It made me feel kind of good.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

wed128 (722152) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042716)

To tell you the truth, by the time i got to the end, i kind of wished they weren't kidding.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

Jeff Hunter (964363) | more than 8 years ago | (#15046983)

You know, I have decided that I will be buying the game when it comes out, the day it comes out! I will be standing in line, along with the other fourty or so 60+ gamers who have been waiting most of their adult lives for this game to come out. It will be fun.

Re:Try a little harder... (2, Funny)

se7en11 (833841) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042767)

It got me until I saw that it was available for Linux, then I knew it was a joke. LOL!!1

It would've been more believable if... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042872)

...they announced that DNF runs best with a Bitboys Glaze3D graphics card.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

mausmalone (594185) | more than 8 years ago | (#15049422)

There wouldn't be much point to making it believable with the 'aprilfools' tag on it.

Duke Nukem is a nigger. (-1, Troll)

Spazntwich (208070) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042230)

Hence him taking forever to get anything done.

Re:Duke Nukem is a nigger. (1, Offtopic)

alx5000 (896642) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042350)

Yeah, d00d, sure, Montgomery's got the answer [lyricsfreak.com] ...

Very clever (1)

Fuzzyhaze (839743) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042231)

I would've never thought of using AJAX for the game, but this looks like a winner! (Congrats to Anandtech on the screenshots though- awesome!)

Re:Very clever (1)

OmegaBlac (752432) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042252)

Ars Technica is behind joke & screenshots, not Anandtech.

Not Important!!! (1)

DAldredge (2353) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042283)

What is important is IF THEY LIKE PICKLES!!!!

do they??

prank? (1)

jon1986 (844448) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042232)

The best thing that the producers could do is release Duke Nukem Foreever on April 1st

First real Web 3.0 application? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042233)

So... will it run on linux?

Re:First real Web 3.0 application? (3, Funny)

technoextreme (885694) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042277)

So... will it run on linux?
Wow. I've heard of not reading the freaking article but this takes the cake. Yes it will run linux.

In fact, DNF is so awesome... (1)

ickeicke (927264) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042334)

Duke Nukem Forever is so Web 3.0, that IT can run linux!

Didn't need the pink... (2, Funny)

Kithraya (34530) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042241)

Didn't need the pink background to know this was a joke. I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (2, Funny)

OmegaBlac (752432) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042274)

I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.
Nope. A few apocalyptic signs such as the appearance of the Infinium Phantom Console, Windows Vista, and 99.8% of slashdotters getting "laid" still needs to be fufilled before the end is to come. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the last sign will take ages before it even comes close to fruition. ;)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

LordOfTheNoobs (949080) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042415)

We have. We just don't like to say anything because it would make you guys feel bad.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

kesuki (321456) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043044)

It feels so good to be included as the .2% who don't get laid. I'm glad you included all 1,800 of us, who won't get laid. (wrongly assuming that there are 900,000 slashdotters, which is greatly infladed by mass accounts etc.) so really being one of 18 slashdotters who will not wind up being laid, not even as a sign of the apocalypse just kinda makes me feel special.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

kesuki (321456) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043135)

ahah found it i needed to save an april foold day page, and taek the fools.css copy it and change everything with 'red' -fools and a 'high red color' and modify them.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

hedwards (940851) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042449)

I think the pink and the ponies was a diversion.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

Edward Teach (11577) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043254)

Duke Nukem Forever is the 64th disk in the end of the world Towers of Hanoi puzzle. Once it is released, the monks' job is complete.

I had a problem... (2)

AnonymousPrick (956548) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042244)

FTFA: So I installed the demo, but thought there had to be more.

I had a problem installing. The install program seams to have a problem with installing as a "Run as.." admin account. But when I install it after logging in as the admin through the startup screen, no problems.

This needs a lot of work and I think it's going to be a while before it's released.

any torrent? (3, Funny)

necromcr (836137) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042245)

any?

that's illegal (1)

G3ckoG33k (647276) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042451)

WTF, torrents of an unpublished demo? That's illegal. You should know that. Don't you remember HL2 or NT4? They came down hard on those dudes, like Duke himself would've.

Ponies! (1)

The Lerneaen Hydra (885793) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042248)

Nooo!!111oneoneone I wnated PONIES!!! :(:(:(:( I hoep tehy make make a duke nukem pony edition!!! that wud so fit in and be perfect!!!! dont you think???????

PonnyCops (1)

mobby_6kl (668092) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042259)

How is that possible? I always thought those pigcops were actually mutated ponies, and not ehm... pigs.

You're cracking me up! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042264)

Ha ha ha



April Fools editors!

Great! (1)

bhunachchicken (834243) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042269)

Anyone got a torrent???

WTF? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042279)

Like, oh my god, according to Ars, Duke Nukem Forever requires a keyboard and mouse? That is sooooo totally 20th century. You would think that by now they would require virtual reality goggles. As if.

(sorry I am trying to keep with the /. color scheme)

Late? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042281)

"Posted by CowboyNeal on Saturday April 01, @12:23PM"
An april fool past noon... looks like CowboyNeal is the fool here.

LOL SODOMY (2, Informative)

rock217 (802738) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042285)

From TFA
The Good:
* Bright, cheery graphics
* Hilarious hatred of women
* Violence that brings back fond memories of the first Mortal Kombat
* Why grow up? Get some Duke in your life
The Bad:
* Hatred of women maybe not so hilarious after all
* Slim multiplayer pickins'
* A little bit on the short side
* Not enough sodomy
The Ugly:
* It has sodomy at all


Uhhh...Yeah...

Re:LOL SODOMY (1)

bckrispi (725257) | more than 8 years ago | (#15048028)

Well. You *do* remember what happened after Duke told that alien, "I'm gonna rip off your head & shit down your throat", don't you?

Best line from the article... (5, Funny)

Whackjack (890964) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042294)

Opera 8.5 was a bit glitchy, with some of the dialog being rendered in what sounded like a Scandinavian accent.

Classic.

Seriously (2, Informative)

wideBlueSkies (618979) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042301)

If April Fools on this site wasn't so overdone, and if this story was inserted in the middle of a bunch of real ones, it would have made for a very good joke. Without the AJAX reference of course...

The timing would have been beleivable, given that we haven't heard from 3d realms is a while.

Re:Seriously (3, Funny)

DerCed (155038) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042345)

You will all get the joke the editors had in mind when you wake up tomorrow morning and ./ is still pink. :)

Re:Seriously (1)

blueflash2o (931322) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042452)

i read it at around 1am before i went to sleep it had me untill i realized it was april 1

Re:Seriously (1)

Iron Condor (964856) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042729)

...which is of course exactly what Ars did. Ars: write it up matter-of-factly and sprinkle it in with the rest of the serious articles: subtle adult humor. /. : quote it, spray-paint it pink, write "OMG PONIES" on it and mix it with other obvious jokes: sophomoric junk.

from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042316)

No, you cannot pre-order the game. If you see some online store saying "We are taking pre-orders", they're just trying to get your money (they usually also make up their own supposed "insider release date info", too). There is no release date set, we are not taking pre-orders for the game. End of story.

Once we begin taking pre-orders, believe us, you'll know about it. :)

The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date. If you have a friend who claims they have "inside info", or there's some game news site, or some computer store at the mall who claims they know - they do not. They are making it up. There is no date. Period.

And yes, we know the game has taken a long time. There's no possible joke you could make about the game's development time that we haven't already heard. :)

Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042353)

Is anyone still actually working on this game?

Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (3, Funny)

Guppy06 (410832) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042369)

"There is no date. We don't know any date."

You and every other Slashdotter.

Frist Prost - 4/1 Mod me up. (1)

xsspd2004 (801486) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042320)

xoxoxoxoxoxo OMG Kitten Cannons.

I for one, welcome... (1)

Eli Gottlieb (917758) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042328)

Our new Messianic overlord. With Duke Nukem Forever out, he surely can't be far behind!

Color (3, Insightful)

siliconvortex (235693) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042336)

I used to think the games section had the worst color scheme.

I am sad that I was wrong.

Erm... Nothin' here. (0)

hunterkll (949515) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042344)

Can i have some free good karma? ;)

I'm seeding it TorrentPonies.com (1)

Jackie_Chan_Fan (730745) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042349)

no really.

Not news (1)

Midnight Thunder (17205) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042359)

This is not news. I have just found out that the music industry has just abolished DRM (Draconian Rights Management) and the DMCA (Draconian Management of Consumer Assets) has also just been been banned.

Apparently it has been decided that the consumer has been screwed enough and that there are better ways to make money from those people. Also the term consumer has been replaced with the term 'those buying suckers' (TM).

This is some day. :-)

I am no longer reading Slashdot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042373)

This is just ridiculous. From now on, I'm sticking to Fark, [fark.com] where /. gets a lot of its stories anyway.

Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042970)

Plus, Fark has boobies.

Sometimes anyway.

Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (1)

Mistshadow2k4 (748958) | more than 8 years ago | (#15044106)

You obviously didn't wind up on the same page as I did when I went to Fark earlier today. It was all frog porn. Earlier there was a picture of a squirrle with a huge pair of nuts. Not edible nuts.

We're late guys :((( OMG (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042376)

The review itself introduces the game with its name, publisher, retail price and an interesting link claiming "shop for this item".
Following the link leads to a page wich says:

Duke Nukem Forever for PlayStation 2
No longer
available for sale.


Duke Nukem Forever for Windows
No longer
available for sale.


My pony carried me late :((( yours too :(((

You know it's bad (1)

Geoffreyerffoeg (729040) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042380)

when you think the purple games.slashdot theme is easy on your eyes.

Any REAL news? (1)

garyr_h (955473) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042388)

Is there going to be any REAL news today? Or is it just going to be filled with ponies and pot of golds?

Awww Cmon! (1)

Apocalyps3 (885437) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042402)

It may be April fools but there's only so far you can push it, I mean yeah sure the layout etc, actually on that note, omg k33p it pweaszeeeee!!!!! s0 cutttttttteeeeeee!!!!!!!!!11

ok but cmon! Duke Nukem Forever review too far guys! more effort, kthx

MOD PARENT DOWN! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042411)

I wish we could moderate Slashdot articles instead of just the comments.

kind of relieved? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042414)

In a sick way, I'm sort of glad this is a joke. I too have long been waiting with anticipation for "forever" but I know that the day it is released my productivity will drop to zero, and I will likely fail out of school.

DNF? (1)

Xichekolas (908635) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042461)

My morning...

*wake up*

dum de dum... /.!

DNF is coming out?!?

*hell freezes over*

*pigs fly through room*

*monkeys begin streaming out of butt*

*universe implodes as fundamental law of vapourware is violated*

Thanks a lot /. ... just had to go destroy the universe... I hope you are proud of yourself...

I don't think so (1)

Symp0sium (961148) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042486)

There is more chance of Windows Vista being released than this even making it to demo.

Gonna do them all? (1)

4D6963 (933028) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042510)

C'mon on, please don't tell me we're gonna see them all on /. today (by "them all" I mean these : http://aprilfools.urgo.org/ [urgo.org] )

gift certificate! (2, Funny)

Jaryn (880486) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042546)


this isn't even funny! :p

in january 1999, i received a gift certificate from 3drealms for $35 dollars because i won one of their camera captioning contests... and, foolishly, I decided that I would wait a lil while until DNF (Duke Nukem Forever, not Did Not Finish) was released and use it on that!

And so.. yeah, fast forward to 6 years later..

my heart skips a beat! ...

anybody want a $35 dollar gift certificate?

Re:gift certificate! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15060323)

Hey, I'd use that certificate if I was you! 3DRealms have a lot of excellent games in their back-catalog.

Until the tags (1)

tprime (673835) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042765)

I had forgotten what day it was until I looked at it and saw the:

aprilfools, gay, straight, dnf, vaporware (tagging beta)

tags... Ruin a perfectly good joke...

L@@K!!!!! (1)

MattEOtournaments (965329) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042788)

Come to www.eotournaments.com we have the best playersz ever! Cum wathc out touranmanets, u won't be diaspointed!

Oh man (1)

Taulin (569009) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042831)

When I first saw the article, I too was dissappointed it was finally coming out, as if a part of me had died. When I read it ran in a browser, I was happy again it was not out yet. Had me fooled until I read the Ajax comment.

HAHAHHAA (1)

developer7 (940280) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042893)

OMG LOL I PREORDERED IT wHeN tHeY AnOnucemed it IT LOL!!!!
FP!

Oh man... (1)

kentrel (526003) | more than 8 years ago | (#15042900)

404.. Funny Not Found

Ponies? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15042968)

> the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies

Are you kidding, I tried the Firefox 2.0f version... A real bloodbath of ponies...

APRIL FOOLS! (1)

Eideteker (641508) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043288)

APRIL FOOLS!

The review forgot some facts. (1)

master_p (608214) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043461)

DNF was also released for ZX Spectrum, C64, Amstrad CPC6128, BBC, Acorn Electron, Atari 2600 and Atari XL. That is why it took them so long to make.

Brussard stated that they were going to make an Apple I version, but the hardware was not powerful enough.

If I was 3D Realms (1)

Wescotte (732385) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043475)

I would make sure that when it's actually done it really is realized on April 1st as a big fuck you.

FPS? (1)

neo1k (837159) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043498)

Too bad there was no mention of how many frames per second they got. :(

DNF (1)

curtlewis (662976) | more than 8 years ago | (#15043517)

Ah, yes, good ol' Duke Nukem Forever, aka DNF, which is a common acronymn for:

Did Not Finish

Coincidence or planned? You decide!

Found a great site... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15043857)

Just found a great site and preordered 10 copies for Christmas.
They say C-64 version has just gone gold.....

NO! Its true!!! (1)

Back Slider 1969 (909883) | more than 8 years ago | (#15044516)

And there's a whole squadron of monkeys ready to fly out of my anus.

Gamie is Released? (1)

SpamBoxer22 (968139) | more than 8 years ago | (#15123054)

The same day this article was posted my friend showed me a website he said it is sorta like NFORCE or something although kept more upto date and more quickly. Guess what showed up in the releases for 4/01 on PC Games

Duke.Nukem.Forever-1LiRPA (http://www.tehserver.us/Games [tehserver.us] )

It seems highly unbelieveable although have to admin good April fools joke although, it is very obvious that it would stir things up.

Well, I cannot wait to pick it up in stores if and when it comes out.

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