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Duke Nukem Forever Reviewed

CowboyNeal posted about 8 years ago | from the future-of-gaming dept.


Aranth writes "The staff at Ars Technica has gotten its hands on a demo of Duke Nukem Forever, and has written up a review. It seems the game is near ready for release! As the article explains, the reason it has taken so long to develop is because this is the first real Web 3.0 application- it has 'been rewritten as an Ajax application written using the Ruby on Rails framework' and runs in any web browser, although some seem to have difficulties." Sadly, the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies. :(((( But, it's playable from my hiptop!! :))))

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Try a little harder... (3, Interesting)

tpjunkie (911544) | about 8 years ago | (#15042224)

Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

MoonFog (586818) | about 8 years ago | (#15042255)

Who says they're trying? "Everyone" knows that April 1st stories on Slashdot are bogus. Or perhaps you really think we'll be seeing this pink theme and stories about cuteoverload from now on? Laugh, it's funny.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

Sigma 7 (266129) | about 8 years ago | (#15042278)

Come on guys, this isn't even close to believable.

Bad advice - a true reader doesn't want them to even try mangling what would be good AFJs.

A good AFJ would be the Goblin Tinker announcement. It even fooled Slashdot since they mangled it to make it look like an obvious AFJ.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

BongoBen (776302) | about 8 years ago | (#15042567)

As I read through the article, I tried to make myself believe that the game was actually going to come out soon. It made me feel kind of good.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

wed128 (722152) | about 8 years ago | (#15042716)

To tell you the truth, by the time i got to the end, i kind of wished they weren't kidding.

Re:Try a little harder... (1)

Jeff Hunter (964363) | about 8 years ago | (#15046983)

You know, I have decided that I will be buying the game when it comes out, the day it comes out! I will be standing in line, along with the other fourty or so 60+ gamers who have been waiting most of their adult lives for this game to come out. It will be fun.

Re:Try a little harder... (2, Funny)

se7en11 (833841) | about 8 years ago | (#15042767)

It got me until I saw that it was available for Linux, then I knew it was a joke. LOL!!1

It would've been more believable if... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042872)

...they announced that DNF runs best with a Bitboys Glaze3D graphics card.

First real Web 3.0 application? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042233)

So... will it run on linux?

Re:First real Web 3.0 application? (3, Funny)

technoextreme (885694) | about 8 years ago | (#15042277)

So... will it run on linux?
Wow. I've heard of not reading the freaking article but this takes the cake. Yes it will run linux.

Didn't need the pink... (2, Funny)

Kithraya (34530) | about 8 years ago | (#15042241)

Didn't need the pink background to know this was a joke. I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (2, Funny)

OmegaBlac (752432) | about 8 years ago | (#15042274)

I mean, come on. It's Duke Nukem Forever. The day it actually is released, the world will come to an end.
Nope. A few apocalyptic signs such as the appearance of the Infinium Phantom Console, Windows Vista, and 99.8% of slashdotters getting "laid" still needs to be fufilled before the end is to come. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), the last sign will take ages before it even comes close to fruition. ;)

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

kesuki (321456) | about 8 years ago | (#15043044)

It feels so good to be included as the .2% who don't get laid. I'm glad you included all 1,800 of us, who won't get laid. (wrongly assuming that there are 900,000 slashdotters, which is greatly infladed by mass accounts etc.) so really being one of 18 slashdotters who will not wind up being laid, not even as a sign of the apocalypse just kinda makes me feel special.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

kesuki (321456) | about 8 years ago | (#15043135)

ahah found it i needed to save an april foold day page, and taek the fools.css copy it and change everything with 'red' -fools and a 'high red color' and modify them.

Re:Didn't need the pink... (1)

Edward Teach (11577) | about 8 years ago | (#15043254)

Duke Nukem Forever is the 64th disk in the end of the world Towers of Hanoi puzzle. Once it is released, the monks' job is complete.

I had a problem... (2)

AnonymousPrick (956548) | about 8 years ago | (#15042244)

FTFA: So I installed the demo, but thought there had to be more.

I had a problem installing. The install program seams to have a problem with installing as a "Run as.." admin account. But when I install it after logging in as the admin through the startup screen, no problems.

This needs a lot of work and I think it's going to be a while before it's released.

Ponies! (1)

The Lerneaen Hydra (885793) | about 8 years ago | (#15042248)

Nooo!!111oneoneone I wnated PONIES!!! :(:(:(:( I hoep tehy make make a duke nukem pony edition!!! that wud so fit in and be perfect!!!! dont you think???????

You're cracking me up! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042264)

Ha ha ha

April Fools editors!

WTF? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042279)

Like, oh my god, according to Ars, Duke Nukem Forever requires a keyboard and mouse? That is sooooo totally 20th century. You would think that by now they would require virtual reality goggles. As if.

(sorry I am trying to keep with the /. color scheme)

Late? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042281)

"Posted by CowboyNeal on Saturday April 01, @12:23PM"
An april fool past noon... looks like CowboyNeal is the fool here.

LOL SODOMY (2, Informative)

rock217 (802738) | about 8 years ago | (#15042285)

From TFA
The Good:
* Bright, cheery graphics
* Hilarious hatred of women
* Violence that brings back fond memories of the first Mortal Kombat
* Why grow up? Get some Duke in your life
The Bad:
* Hatred of women maybe not so hilarious after all
* Slim multiplayer pickins'
* A little bit on the short side
* Not enough sodomy
The Ugly:
* It has sodomy at all



bckrispi (725257) | about 8 years ago | (#15048028)

Well. You *do* remember what happened after Duke told that alien, "I'm gonna rip off your head & shit down your throat", don't you?

Best line from the article... (5, Funny)

Whackjack (890964) | about 8 years ago | (#15042294)

Opera 8.5 was a bit glitchy, with some of the dialog being rendered in what sounded like a Scandinavian accent.


Seriously (2, Informative)

wideBlueSkies (618979) | about 8 years ago | (#15042301)

If April Fools on this site wasn't so overdone, and if this story was inserted in the middle of a bunch of real ones, it would have made for a very good joke. Without the AJAX reference of course...

The timing would have been beleivable, given that we haven't heard from 3d realms is a while.

Re:Seriously (3, Funny)

DerCed (155038) | about 8 years ago | (#15042345)

You will all get the joke the editors had in mind when you wake up tomorrow morning and ./ is still pink. :)

Re:Seriously (1)

Iron Condor (964856) | about 8 years ago | (#15042729)

...which is of course exactly what Ars did. Ars: write it up matter-of-factly and sprinkle it in with the rest of the serious articles: subtle adult humor. /. : quote it, spray-paint it pink, write "OMG PONIES" on it and mix it with other obvious jokes: sophomoric junk.

from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042316)

No, you cannot pre-order the game. If you see some online store saying "We are taking pre-orders", they're just trying to get your money (they usually also make up their own supposed "insider release date info", too). There is no release date set, we are not taking pre-orders for the game. End of story.

Once we begin taking pre-orders, believe us, you'll know about it. :)

The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date. If you have a friend who claims they have "inside info", or there's some game news site, or some computer store at the mall who claims they know - they do not. They are making it up. There is no date. Period.

And yes, we know the game has taken a long time. There's no possible joke you could make about the game's development time that we haven't already heard. :)

Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042353)

Is anyone still actually working on this game?

Re:from http://www.3drealms.com/duke4/ (3, Funny)

Guppy06 (410832) | about 8 years ago | (#15042369)

"There is no date. We don't know any date."

You and every other Slashdotter.

Not news (1)

Midnight Thunder (17205) | about 8 years ago | (#15042359)

This is not news. I have just found out that the music industry has just abolished DRM (Draconian Rights Management) and the DMCA (Draconian Management of Consumer Assets) has also just been been banned.

Apparently it has been decided that the consumer has been screwed enough and that there are better ways to make money from those people. Also the term consumer has been replaced with the term 'those buying suckers' (TM).

This is some day. :-)

I am no longer reading Slashdot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042373)

This is just ridiculous. From now on, I'm sticking to Fark, [fark.com] where /. gets a lot of its stories anyway.

Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042970)

Plus, Fark has boobies.

Sometimes anyway.

Re:I am no longer reading Slashdot. (1)

Mistshadow2k4 (748958) | about 8 years ago | (#15044106)

You obviously didn't wind up on the same page as I did when I went to Fark earlier today. It was all frog porn. Earlier there was a picture of a squirrle with a huge pair of nuts. Not edible nuts.

We're late guys :((( OMG (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042376)

The review itself introduces the game with its name, publisher, retail price and an interesting link claiming "shop for this item".
Following the link leads to a page wich says:

Duke Nukem Forever for PlayStation 2
No longer
available for sale.

Duke Nukem Forever for Windows
No longer
available for sale.

My pony carried me late :((( yours too :(((

Any REAL news? (1)

garyr_h (955473) | about 8 years ago | (#15042388)

Is there going to be any REAL news today? Or is it just going to be filled with ponies and pot of golds?

Awww Cmon! (1)

Apocalyps3 (885437) | about 8 years ago | (#15042402)

It may be April fools but there's only so far you can push it, I mean yeah sure the layout etc, actually on that note, omg k33p it pweaszeeeee!!!!! s0 cutttttttteeeeeee!!!!!!!!!11

ok but cmon! Duke Nukem Forever review too far guys! more effort, kthx


Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042411)

I wish we could moderate Slashdot articles instead of just the comments.

kind of relieved? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042414)

In a sick way, I'm sort of glad this is a joke. I too have long been waiting with anticipation for "forever" but I know that the day it is released my productivity will drop to zero, and I will likely fail out of school.

DNF? (1)

Xichekolas (908635) | about 8 years ago | (#15042461)

My morning...

*wake up*

dum de dum... /.!

DNF is coming out?!?

*hell freezes over*

*pigs fly through room*

*monkeys begin streaming out of butt*

*universe implodes as fundamental law of vapourware is violated*

Thanks a lot /. ... just had to go destroy the universe... I hope you are proud of yourself...

gift certificate! (2, Funny)

Jaryn (880486) | about 8 years ago | (#15042546)

this isn't even funny! :p

in january 1999, i received a gift certificate from 3drealms for $35 dollars because i won one of their camera captioning contests... and, foolishly, I decided that I would wait a lil while until DNF (Duke Nukem Forever, not Did Not Finish) was released and use it on that!

And so.. yeah, fast forward to 6 years later..

my heart skips a beat! ...

anybody want a $35 dollar gift certificate?

Re:gift certificate! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15060323)

Hey, I'd use that certificate if I was you! 3DRealms have a lot of excellent games in their back-catalog.

Until the tags (1)

tprime (673835) | about 8 years ago | (#15042765)

I had forgotten what day it was until I looked at it and saw the:

aprilfools, gay, straight, dnf, vaporware (tagging beta)

tags... Ruin a perfectly good joke...

Oh man (1)

Taulin (569009) | about 8 years ago | (#15042831)

When I first saw the article, I too was dissappointed it was finally coming out, as if a part of me had died. When I read it ran in a browser, I was happy again it was not out yet. Had me fooled until I read the Ajax comment.

Ponies? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15042968)

> the game looks to be deficient in the area of ponies

Are you kidding, I tried the Firefox 2.0f version... A real bloodbath of ponies...

The review forgot some facts. (1)

master_p (608214) | about 8 years ago | (#15043461)

DNF was also released for ZX Spectrum, C64, Amstrad CPC6128, BBC, Acorn Electron, Atari 2600 and Atari XL. That is why it took them so long to make.

Brussard stated that they were going to make an Apple I version, but the hardware was not powerful enough.

If I was 3D Realms (1)

Wescotte (732385) | about 8 years ago | (#15043475)

I would make sure that when it's actually done it really is realized on April 1st as a big fuck you.

DNF (1)

curtlewis (662976) | about 8 years ago | (#15043517)

Ah, yes, good ol' Duke Nukem Forever, aka DNF, which is a common acronymn for:

Did Not Finish

Coincidence or planned? You decide!

Found a great site... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 8 years ago | (#15043857)

Just found a great site and preordered 10 copies for Christmas.
They say C-64 version has just gone gold.....

NO! Its true!!! (1)

Back Slider 1969 (909883) | about 8 years ago | (#15044516)

And there's a whole squadron of monkeys ready to fly out of my anus.

Gamie is Released? (1)

SpamBoxer22 (968139) | about 8 years ago | (#15123054)

The same day this article was posted my friend showed me a website he said it is sorta like NFORCE or something although kept more upto date and more quickly. Guess what showed up in the releases for 4/01 on PC Games

Duke.Nukem.Forever-1LiRPA (http://www.tehserver.us/Games [tehserver.us])

It seems highly unbelieveable although have to admin good April fools joke although, it is very obvious that it would stir things up.

Well, I cannot wait to pick it up in stores if and when it comes out.

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