Beta

Slashdot: News for Nerds

×

Welcome to the Slashdot Beta site -- learn more here. Use the link in the footer or click here to return to the Classic version of Slashdot.

Thank you!

Before you choose to head back to the Classic look of the site, we'd appreciate it if you share your thoughts on the Beta; your feedback is what drives our ongoing development.

Beta is different and we value you taking the time to try it out. Please take a look at the changes we've made in Beta and  learn more about it. Thanks for reading, and for making the site better!

New Disclaimer for the Internet

ScuttleMonkey posted more than 8 years ago | from the slippery-slopes dept.

113

Techdirt has an amusing new disclaimer for the internet penned by lawyer David Canton is response to Rob Hyndman's recent discovery of an impressive disclaimer for a rock preserve. From the disclaimer: "Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs. The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP's or other features, natural or otherwise."

cancel ×

113 comments

Captain of the obvious called (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277557)

He said you are stupid.

Re:Captain of the obvious called (3, Funny)

Ninja Penguin (248825) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277584)

But then he was eaten by a Grue. And I think that is a Wumpus I hear behind you. Like they say, the internet is a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. The Internet bites. The Internet bites. You die. --Anonymous Coward, infected by a trojan on his way to goatse.cx, while witless--

Re:Captain of the obvious called (1)

bcat24 (914105) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278196)

A huge green fierce snake bars the way!

He should (0, Offtopic)

rodgster (671476) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277570)

If you want to get the attention of the newbies this seems to be penned for, mention porn.

But that would probably result in an email DDOS of me too's.

How about (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277572)

"Use at your own risk."

Like most things in life.

Re:How about (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277861)

Unlike most other annoyances and dangers in life, my computer came with an 'off' switch. People should try it more often.

Re:How about (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277884)

a "use at your own risk" warning label would be fine if it weren't for the huggy-feely-please-babysit-my-children-for-me-prot ect-me-from-the-terrorists-bicycle-helmet-kneepad/ elbowpad/shinguard-wearing-i'm-too-stupid-to-handl e-my-own-decisions crowd who loudly cry about how there should be legislation forcing everything to be made Fisher-Price toddler-safe so they don't choke on it.

Re:How about (2, Funny)

MOtisBeard (693145) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277949)

"WARNING: Modem does not enable user to fly."

Re:How about (4, Funny)

Yvanhoe (564877) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278007)

"WARNING: Modem does not enable user to fly."

That I can understand, I'm not stupid, but on the box, they said I could surf with it but it doesn't even float !

Re:How about (1)

Baloo Ursidae (29355) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278729)

I want photographic evidence of such a warning...that's too funny to be true

Re:How about (2, Insightful)

ptomblin (1378) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278097)

"Warning: May Contain Nuts"

Re:How about (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278308)

If you read the original disclaimer that the author of this article is emulating, that's exactly what they say at the end "in short". "Enter and use at your own risk" should really be enough.

Of course, in today's overly litigious environment, it might not be for some idiots, hence the couple of pages of explanation of what it might actually mean. The original disclaimer is from a rock climbing site, and it is substantially longer. It includes such gems as:

"Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. They can be purchased or rented at Seneca Rocks. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on another part of your body. A whole rock formation might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen."

Or, as I always tell people when visiting areas with rock falls: wear a helmet. It helps with the identification.

Speling (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278335)

Spelling Internet in all lower-case is just fucking gay.

Re:Speling (1)

kurzweilfreak (829276) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279874)

Not as gay as it would be if it were iNtErNeT. Or as gay as "speling".

Re:How about (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15279208)

"do not operate while under the use of barbituates or alchohol"

like any other heavy machinery.

Re:How about (1)

spiro_killglance (121572) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279286)

The internet is dangerous, lol.
Cars are dangerous you can crash, planes are for the same reason.
Water is dangerous you can drown. Peanuts are dangerous you can choak.
The only way the internet can kill you is if you stay on-line so long, you
forget to eat (sadly i do that sometimes).

yes, but... (0, Offtopic)

bariswheel (854806) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277574)

Yes, but nr0p is free, so none of that really matters now does it? ;-0

Re:yes, but... (1)

collectivescott (885118) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277645)

Porn may be free, but it is one of the number one dangers on the internet today. First off, think of the kids. Ok, maybe they have it good. But seriously, look at porn torrents, or stuff on P2P, a lot of it requires you to download shady codecs to watch, or is in a rar file next to password.exe. Remember the porn dialers? Porn is slowly becoming the preferred way to install crapware and even trojans. (No pun intended.)

And surely, goatse ought to be mentioned when speaking of internet dangers. I never had nightmares of being attacked by hyper-extended anuses before goatse.

Have you heard about the Anagram Transit Maps?!? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277579)

Hey, I just heard about these amazing things called Anagram Transit Maps. They're SOOOO cool... You guys should check 'em out... I think the main website for Anagram Transit Maps is http://boingboing.net/ [boingboing.net]

tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (2, Insightful)

yagu (721525) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277589)

What has been submitted as a pithy wry parody of a real life warning may in fact be dead on in its message. In fact, it may not be such a bad idea to make such a warning more de rigeur. Perhaps we put a sticker on any computer (especially XP) for general use, much like the cancer warning on a pack of cigarettes.

It won't stop people from being careless, naive, or wild with their computers attached to the ether, but even if only a few poor souls escape the hell that is IE pop-up oblivion it would be worth it. It could also save we who support a few miserable hours of either fixing a problem or explaining to devastated "clients" why there is no fix for their destroyed c: drive.

O, that it were not so. Sigh

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277710)

Perhaps we put a sticker on any computer (especially XP) for general use, much like the cancer warning on a pack of cigarettes.

Yes, because a crashing computer is way up there with cancer and death as far as how it can affect my life.

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (3, Insightful)

kfg (145172) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277714)

What has been submitted as a pithy wry parody of a real life warning may in fact be dead on in its message.

Isn't that the point of such pithy wry parody?

KFG

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277980)

Hey! Look at me! I'm a Karma whore! All I have to do is bash Microsoft XP and IE as being the problems with the intraweb and I get modded insightful!

You're a self appointed tech elitist douchebag. You're part of the problem. Instead of educating, you make snide ass comments in an effort to make yourself feel better for having zero social status. It's your on fault you can't get a job anywhere but compUSA.

Come back when touching boobies isn't a calendar marking event anymore.

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (1)

BattleCat (244240) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278345)

Yes. You're right. I'm an elitist. So what ?

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278757)

So what?

    My transparent friend... Rand makes some good points but offers little original that hasn't been said and tried before. Ideologically she's mostly a plagiarizing hack with a cartoon view of others and reality. She didn't come up with the term capitalism, elitism or even the concept of rational self interest. Fuck the Greek Hedonists were talking about that well over two thousand years ago. The only think she did even remotely interesting was come up with a philosophy thats good at conning a few clueless rich people with flattery-- to get them to join up--which acts as feedback for more to joinup (since people are always drawn to wealth). Don't get me wrong... it's a great con. Rich people are "heroic"... therefore it follows everything else she says must be true!!!

    The only reason she's a little popular today is because....

A. The Soviet Union collapsed so "laissez faire capitalism" has come into vogue again (despite the fact the closest we got to it ended leading to a violent backlash that engulfed our planet with totalitarianism and communism for 80 years..

B. She's Jewish and talks about wealth-- so a stereotype has conditioned armadas of mindless dolts (with no imagination of their own) to learn the secret of "limitless wealth".

    There is nothing wrong with making money but it doesn't take a rocket scientist or deep philosophy to figure out if you don't give a sh~t about anything BUT money-- chances are you'll end up with more of it (incidentally the same applies if you have a fetish for dog sh~t. ) When everyone takes this position though-- we end up with roughly the prisoners dilemma and things begin to fall apart for everyone. Eventually we pay the piper with communism or the religious fanaticism of the middle ages

      The Nazi's really loved focusing on the elite. What do you think Aryanism was all about? Evil? Peikoff wants to nuke all the Arabs today. Lets see.... several hundred million men, woman and children. I would say if he had any real power (other than moderate fame from piggybacking on a second rate philosopher) that would make him roughly 10 times a better killer than Hitler.

    "The eilte" don't need your help or guidance--that's what makes them elite. The only thing you can do is f~ck it up for them by pretending you know who they are and what the criteria is. If anything-- you're the one that needs protection against Darwin. They'll shine through without some group of wannabe brown shirts/commies ganging up on them and dictating to us all who are "the elite".

    You want to know what people that focus on "helping" the elite cause are?

    Insecure children that grew up into insecure adults. Most people are well adjusted and just play the cards they are dealt but there are those that tend to focus on pushing an agenda of some non-related group of individuals with different philosophical beliefs, wealth, skills and personalities--- as some sort of homogeneous group called "the elite". (of which they of course are card carrying members)

  Psssst here's a secret.

All the elite represent are individuals that benefited from a combination of mutation and circumstance. Had circumstances been different, the mutation could well have been an evolutionary handicap.

      I'm quite dismayed by your response as you seem to be the exact herd I'm taking about. You are the herd of "I believe in the elites". Wow.. how original another ass-kisser willing to enslave himself to another ideology that promises ultimate righteousness and infinite rewards if you follow them.

      In case your paying attention to history, those values your so proud of have been proven time and time again to eventually destabilize society. If you really want to get a clue about what's going on around you I recommend you read a little Derrida and tone down the ubermensch talk. It would actually be all quite funny if people weren't killing each other over nonsense.

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278011)

Despite all these "threats" (WMDs, terrorists, hackers, pedophiles, organized crime... etc...) many people seem to have missed the fact the Ineternet it still a vibrant and growing.... all without virtually any government regulation or policing.

  I hate saying this because everyone says it-- but unfortunately it's so true. Most people are scared submissive sheep that are easily manipulated by their masters through fear.

    The rightwing dolts talk about "less intrusive government" then pipe untold billions into the most massive police, military and surveillance forces in the world. The left wing fruits are trying to "protect art" (like it needs legislative help) and are basically paid spokespeople for the MPAA and RIAA.

    And in the end what is going to happen is our computers are going to turn into glorified boob tubes owned by a few media companies and officially sanctioned by the state. You won't be able to surf to disney.com without the NSA knowing about it and adding a little Freudian note in your dossier that you clicking on Donald's nuts.

    Keep the freest place on earth free. Everyone should fight every single law goverment tries to pass regarding surveillance or control of the Internet because it's not that different than what the Soviets used to do. Let free markets and free speech decide without fearing the "subversive" element. The internet is us... let our stories be told free of judgments or manipulation by the state.

Uhmmm... in case anyone didn't notice... we're doing absolutely fine without it.

Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (1)

Mistshadow2k4 (748958) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278434)

"You won't be able to surf to disney.com without the NSA knowing about it and adding a little Freudian note in your dossier that you clicking on Donald's nuts"

OMG! How did you find out about that?!.... Or are you like that too?

Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (5, Funny)

TubeSteak (669689) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277590)

"Life is unpredictable and unsafe. The Park is dangerous. Many stories have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the newspapers. The Park is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The animals can make matters worse. Trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer from a blocked road. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your leg. There are wild animals, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread diseases. These include viruses and worms. Plants can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Park, newspapers, roads or other features, natural or otherwise."

Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (1)

isecore (132059) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277684)

Dang, I wish I didn't blow that last modpoint of mine earlier, because this made me laugh out loud.

It's hard to read the article... (4, Informative)

AEton (654737) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277797)

When you posted this, I don't think you realized that the whole reason this 'Internet disclaimer' was written [nelsonrocks.org] is that somebody noticed an impressively bizarre disclaimer at ... the entrance of a park!

HTH.

^BumP^ (1, Interesting)

TubeSteak (669689) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277829)

I guess the story has come full circle.

That's what happens when I don't RTFA.

Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (1)

BrookHarty (9119) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277810)

Or you could just live life, with Taxes, Divorce, Child support, Traffic Tickets, Cancer, Disease, War, Poverty, Mother in laws.

Its horrible out there.

Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (1)

mikiN (75494) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278907)

And worse, life is the absolute deadliest disease known to man. It has a 100.0% kill rate.

Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (1)

sfjoe (470510) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277896)

Life is unpredictable and unsafe.

True enough, however, it is impossible to guage the level of risk anymore. These "it's not our fault" labels are on everything and it's impossible to know if it's a bona fide warning or just an overactive legal department. If I do something dumb, I have no problem taking responsibility for it. I'd like to be able to know what my actual risks are before I do something dumb, though.

Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278061)

The point of disclaimers is that for every risk, small or obvious as it may be, there is an idiot dumb enough to find it and fall into it. It is impossible to foresee all the ways people could hurt themselves with something you provide, so the disclaimers go everywhere, even where you'd think it isn't needed. The thought that nobody could possible hurt themselves in a certain situation is only on your mind because you haven't witnessed a big enough idiot yet. The disclaimer is supposed to reestablish the normal state of affairs, that people are supposed to pay attention and don't blame their stupidity on someone else.

I'm going to assume you did not read the original? (2)

jabbo (860) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277939)

The ''inspiration'' for the lame hack to which the submittar done linked, is a disclaimer which patrons of a privately owned natural preserve in West Virginia are required to sign prior to entering the premises. It outlines the various activities permitted within (hiking, bolted and traditionally protected rock climbing, via ferrata including a bridge, etc.) and then proceeds to present a brutally frank summary of all the nasty things that can happen to you whilst engaging in those pursuits. The (original, and far more amusing, as well as far more useful) disclaimer is worth reading; it is meant to make people acutely aware that the primary offerings of the Preserve are inherently dangerous (lead climbing is dangerous, no matter what; Via Ferrata are dangerous, no matter what; the Nelson Rocks Preserve cannot change this) and ward off idiotic, frivolous lawsuits.

We live in a world full of brutally stupid people, hence the brutal disclaimer. Read it and ask yourself why the original is not posted at state and national park entrances. Answer? Because puffy, sheltered 'merricans want to believe that they can 'tame' the wilderness, or at least pay someone else to do so. Thankfully, legal precedent (both historical and recent, as with the Yosemite/Glacier Point Apron lawsuit last year) suggest otherwise. But it never hurts to remind people.

Sorry if you were duped into writing a poor fascimile of the original (not the posted piece of shit, but the original Nelson Rocks disclaimer, familiar to any DC-area climber who's decided that Seneca was too damned crowded).

Too funny.. (5, Funny)

Doubting Maxwell (962422) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277607)

Too funny.

Life should have a disclaimer, too. Before you leave the womb:

End-User Life(tm) Agreement (EULA)

This will probably suck. You agree not to sue God(tm) or any of His subsidiaries for any negative events that can and will happen.

No guarantees against anything, including loss of life, limb, or property. Live at your own risk.

This transaction is not reversible. You may not re-enter the Womb(tm) once you are born. Check one: [ ] Agree

Re:Too funny.. (2, Funny)

LouisZepher (643097) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277780)

This transaction is not reversible. You may not re-enter the Womb(tm) once you are born.

This is /., I don't think re-entry is going to be much of an issue for most of the visitors here.

It does exist!!! (4, Funny)

antdude (79039) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277804)

Doubting Maxwell: There is one already! From my Web site [aqfl.net] (AQFL):

Hmmph, I didn't know we had End User License Agreement (EULA) to live! Tempnexus's Broadband Reports Security forum thread [broadbandreports.com] mentioned a funny spoof for every human who was born. According to this EULA, we seems to come with spywares (God spies on us), and can be infected with bad stuff like virus and trojans. Ending EULA means terminating life. Here's a copy of the EULA:

PLEASE READ this end-user license agreement ("EULA") carefully. By being born, you agree to be bound by the terms of this EULA. If you do not agree, do not exit womb and, if applicable, return to the place of conception for a full refund.

1. GENERAL. This EULA is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or an entity) and the scientific or religious establishment of your choice ("God"). This EULA governs your Life, which includes all seconds from the time you are born until you are legally pronounced dead (. This EULA also governs the container supplied with your Life ("Body") and any support services ("miracles") relating to Life except as may be included in another agreement between you and God. An amendment or addendum to this EULA may be presented to you by your retail suppliers ("Parents").

2. THE PARENT PROGRAM. All complaints and technical support requests should be addressed to your Parents, who may or may not, depending on the subscription level you have elected, offer you additional warranties. Parents are third-party components, and not subject to warranties under this EULA. God is not liable for the quality, competence, character, number, gender, species, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or presence/absence of your Parents, or for the quality of the relationship between them, if any, and does not supply technical support for Parental units. Any Parent may be terminated or exchanged at any time without notice and without recourse.

3 CONSCIOUSNESS. To reduce piracy, God requires certain components to be activated. The license rights granted under this EULA are limited to the first five times you gain Consciousness ("Wake up") after you are Born unless you supply the information necessary to activate your Life. You may also need to reactivate your Life if you modify your Body or alter your Consciousness. God will not collect any personally identifiable information from your DNA during the activation process without your consent.

4. DIGITAL RIGHTS MANAGEMENT. Content providers are using digital rights management technology to protect the integrity of their content so that their intellectual property, including copyright, in such content is not misappropriated. If your Brain's security has been compromised, content providers may request that God revoke your right to copy, display, and/or play protected content. Revocation does not alter your Brain's ability to access unprotected content, if any exists.

5. OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCES. Your Life may not be shared or used concurrently among different Bodies.

6. YOU ALSO AGREE:

a. Not to remove or obscure any copyright, trademark or patent notices ("Birthmarks") that appear on the Body as delivered to you;

b. To indemnify, hold harmless, and defend God from and against any claims or lawsuits, including attorneys' fees, that arise or result from the use or distribution of the Life;

c. That God reserves all rights not expressly granted.

3. RESERVATION OF RIGHTS AND OWNERSHIP. God reserves all rights not expressly granted to you in this EULA. The Life is protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws and treaties. God or Its suppliers own the title, copyright, and other intellectual property rights in the Life and in any derivative works produced by you during the course of your Life. The Life is licensed, not sold.

4. MEMORIES. You may make a single back-up copy of the Life. You may use one (1) back-up copy solely for your archival purposes and to reinstall the Life in the Body. Except as expressly provided in this EULA or by local law, you may not otherwise make copies of the Life, including the imprinted materials accompanying the Life. You may not loan, rent, lease, lend, or otherwise transfer the back-up copy to another user.

4. LIMITATIONS ON REVERSE ENGINEERING AND DISSASSEMBLY. You may not reverse engineer or disassemble the Life or the Body, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation. In some jurisdictions, genetic mutations that might lead to evolution are prohibited.

5. NOT FOR RESALE. Life may not be resold.

6. REINCARNATION. Life may not be reused.

6. NON-TRANSFERABLE. Life is non-transferable.

7. TERMINATION. Without prejudice to any other rights, God may terminate this EULA ("strike you dead") without notice if you fail to comply with the terms and conditions of this EULA. God also retains the right to reinstate your Life, either in whole or in part, after termination.

8. REPRODUCTION. You may not propagate without authority.

8. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES. To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, God and Its suppliers provide Life as is and with all faults, and hereby disclaim all other warranties and conditions, whether express, implied or statutory, including, but not limited to, any (if any) implied warranties, duties or conditions of merchantability, of fitness for a particular purpose.

9. EXCLUSION OF INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL AND CERTAIN OTHER DAMAGES. In no event shall God be liable for any special, incidental, punitive, indirect, or consequential damages whatsoever arising out of or in any way related to the use of or inability to use the Life.

10. APPLICABLE LAW. this EULA is governed by Divine law. Depending where you are Born, some national and/or natural laws may also apply.

11. ENTIRE AGREEMENT; SEVERABILITY. This EULA (including any addendum or amendment to this EULA which is included with the Life) is the entire agreement between you and God.

Happy birthday.

Re:Too funny.. (1)

RinzeWind (413873) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277831)

Check one: [ ] Agree

Lucky you. Mine was already checked by the time I read it.

Re:Too funny.. (1)

koa (95614) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277858)

Uhm, I dont think you need to make that EULA a Click-Thru... This seems more the realm of "By reading this, you explicitly agree to..." type of nastiness..

But this however, brings up all sorts of issues.. Such as what language to write it in. We are not born speaking any single language... Okay, I am overthinging things..

My bad.

Re:Too funny.. (2, Funny)

shutdown -p now (807394) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278053)

Won't work, they'll just click through it, knowing they are below the legal age of consent anyway.

Re:Too funny.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278116)

This transaction is not reversible. You may not re-enter the Womb(tm) once you are born. Check one: [ ] Agree

You're killing me here.

Re:Too funny.. (1)

soupforare (542403) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278237)

I tried getting an RMA from mum but she refused. I'm reporting her to the BBB and my local DA's office.

Re:Too funny.. (1)

feepness (543479) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278798)

This will probably suck. You agree not to sue God(tm) or any of His subsidiaries for any negative events that can and will happen.

No guarantees against anything, including loss of life, limb, or property. Live at your own risk.


You are obviously not aware of the role of Government(tm) in Life(tm)

With Government(tm), Life(tm) is guaranteed to be painless, easy, and rewarding for all involved.

Re:Too funny.. (1)

wetfeetl33t (935949) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279025)

Actually, my life is licensed under the GPL

Sounds like an AOL for Broadband commercial (3, Funny)

Animats (122034) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277611)

"If you have an unprotected broadband connection, your computer is at risk for BTDs - Broadband Transmitted Dangers. BTDs are the hazardous and potentially harmful threats to your computer that can come through your high-speed broadband connection. Some of the most common BTDs include spam, spyware, pornography, viruses, Trojan horses, hackers and identity thieves. ...

A broadband connection is more dangerous than narrowband because of the huge amount of information that is flowing into and out of your home through a high-speed conduit. In addition, most broadband connections are "always on," meaning there are more opportunities for dangerous elements to enter through your connection. Broadband users have to be more careful and aware than ever. ...

Many people think that file-swapping services are an easy way to get free stuff like music, images, games and more. What you may not recognize is the very real threat that these services pose to you and your family. There are no quality controls in place on these unregulated services to ensure that you are getting only what you wanted. And worse, you might get a lot more than you bargained for, like spyware that secretly monitors your computer for third parties who may use the information for sales or even malicious purposes. ...

Hackers and Identity Thieves are criminals that attempt to infiltrate your computer and steal vital and valuable personal information, such as credit card numbers. With an unprotected broadband connection, hackers can walk right into your home and snoop around your personal information. The results can be disastrous - and extremely expensive."

- AOL "Unprotected broadband" [aolepk.com] promotion.

FUCKING BLOGSPAM (3, Insightful)

linvir (970218) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277616)

This is really fucking lame. Worse, this is on the same level as Digg. The linked article is a blog post about a site. The actual content is at canton.elegal.ca [elegal.ca] . Get your fucking act together and stop linking to irrelevant blogs as if they were the news stories.

Why do you hate Web 2.0? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277637)

Embrace the mutal circlejerk, brother! Together, we can drown out all content in a sticky frenzy of interlinking and back-patting. Hurrah!

Re:FUCKING BLOGSPAM (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278013)

HEY LOOK! Another elitist self appointed tech douchebag Karma whore!

Scream BLOGSPAM! and you are a relevant, savvy internet user who is out to stop the pollution of the worlds last free frontier.

It's amazing how you people say you want the internet to be free until its not done your prefered way. Fucking asshole.

Re:FUCKING BLOGSPAM (1)

MLease (652529) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279613)

Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios this morning?!

Full original version for the net (3, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277619)

as seen here

http://www.canton.elegal.ca/archives/2006/05/new_d isclaimer.html [elegal.ca]

WARNING

Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.

The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP's or other features, natural or otherwise.

Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.

Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.

Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.

Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.

If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.

We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.

If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.

Rescue services are not provided by us, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local computer geeks may not be equipped for or trained in hard drive recovery. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to get rid of a virus or find that deleted file, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes your local computer store. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.

By entering our site, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THIS SITE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

Original article (2, Informative)

alphamugwump (918799) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277623)

The OA just linked to the Techdirt article.
Personally, I thought the original disclaimer was more funny, but whatever.

the disclaimer:
http://www.canton.elegal.ca/archives/2006/05/new_d isclaimer.html [elegal.ca]

The original disclaimer:
http://www.nelsonrocks.org/disclaimer.html [nelsonrocks.org]

Re:Original article (1)

Watson Ladd (955755) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278636)

The original disclamer is necessary. A lot of people do not understand that a park like Nelson Rock's is not like Centeral Park. You can get killed by stupidity. One of the reasons I quit Boy Scouts was their inability to preform equipment checks in dangerous situations.

Slashdot Disclaimer (4, Funny)

xmas2003 (739875) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277624)

Slashdot has inaccurate stories.
Slashdot has dupes.
Slashdot has trolls and flamers.

Non-subscribers entitled to a full refund if they aren't satisfied.

What about Dupes? (2, Funny)

drewzhrodague (606182) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277883)

Slashdot has inaccurate stories. Slashdot has dupes. Slashdot has trolls and flamers.

Hay, and don't forget, Slashdot has dupes!

Re:What about Dupes? (1)

ptomblin (1378) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278132)

>>Slashdot has inaccurate stories. Slashdot has dupes. Slashdot has trolls and flamers.

>Hay, and don't forget, Slashdot has dupes!


And sometimes they post a second article about the same subject.

Re:Slashdot Disclaimer (1)

gad_zuki! (70830) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279034)

>>Non-subscribers entitled to a full refund if they aren't satisfied.

Awesome! I've probably viewed hundred of dollars of ads. Can't wait for that big fat check!

paranoia ride (1)

cuby (832037) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277651)

from the end of the disclaimer:
"We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!"
this is the disclaimer's disclaim?

EULA for the American part of the net (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277690)


the rest of the Internet will carry on regardless

...and wear your sunscreen (2, Funny)

Megane (129182) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277708)

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

But trust me on the sunscreen. [wikipedia.org]

Is explicitly mentioning the RIAA a good idea? (0, Flamebait)

mark-t (151149) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277719)

For one thing, it inherently dates it.

Sure, it may be current now, but what about in 20 years?

Re:Is explicitly mentioning the RIAA a good idea? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277932)

err.. you sound like you're taking this serious

disclaimer: life sucks sometimes (1)

192939495969798999 (58312) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277724)

Life may suck sometimes. Sometimes it sucks for me, other times maybe life sucks for you. Consider it a blessing if you get through any period of time without encountering something that sucks about life. This website is not responsible for the suckiness of your computer, your internet experience at large, or anything else you may encounter that sucks.

Read this post at your own risk... (2, Insightful)

sweetnjguy29 (880256) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277766)

From the original article @ http://www.nelsonrocks.org/disclaimer.html [nelsonrocks.org] :

"By entering the Preserve, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty...We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke."

I am no expert in West Virginia law, but if you invite a member of the general public onto your land, charge them a $40 fee, and know that the premises are not safe for any purpose, and then they die, your gonna get hit with a HUGE lawsuit. This disclaimer means next to nothing since land owners owe duties of care to people they invite onto their land. At the very least, they owe a duty to warn of extremely dangerous conditions - which they do, in a general sort of way.

For example, on the main page, there is a very pretty picture of a bridge spanning a valley. As a user of the land, I have a reasonable expectation that the landowner has maintained the bridge, has checked it periodically, and would close off the bridge if it was too dangerous to use. Failure to do that is so negligent, that the disclaimer would be completely ineffective.

Not to miss the forest from the trees, the original blog adapting this to the internet is cute. And I agree with the basic principle that you surf the net at your own risk. But I think that ISPs owe a duty of care to their customers to protect them from websites that distribute viruses, trojans, etc, perhaps with a pop-up or system announce, if they know the website or software is an issue. Hard to do, but they could make more of an effort to protect the less savvy amoung us.

Re:Read this post at your own risk... (1)

jabbo (860) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277915)

Stu's a lawyer. The purpose of the disclaimer is to help fend off frivolous lawsuits, not defend against gross negligence. You cannot write a document that magically circumvenes existing law, in spirit or in letter, but you can point to a brutally straightforward disclaimer which customers are required to read and then sign, in the event that one of them files a lawsuit for actions undertaken of their own free will, and consequences thereby suffered.

Go to Nelson Rocks and observe the variable quality of the metamorphic conglomerate rock. The purpose of this disclaimer should become immediately obvious to you. You can't change the law with a piece of paper, but you can most certainly make people aware of your obligations under it.

It would be unwise (and unprofitable) to operate a faulty bridge or via ferrata as a business. Your hypothetical situation is bullshit.

HTH

Re:Read this post at your own risk... (1)

sweetnjguy29 (880256) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279180)

You cannot write a document that magically circumvenes existing law, in spirit or in letter...

Of course you can. A good lawyer understands the extent of the law, and how far it can bend. You can disclaim TONS of stuff under the law. There are also many things which you can't disclaim. This contract goes WAY beyond what any reasonable person can agree to. It is so overbroad as to swallow every single cause of action that can be brought against it. If I was the Judge, I'd toss the whole thing out, it is so unreasonable.

My hypothetical isn't so farfetched. Just the other day, I saw some dude cleaning windows on a skyscraper without a harness. People do stupid, negligent, bullshit. If that dude signed a contract saying that cleaning windows was at his own risk, and he fell, it wouldn't be held up in court. His family would get millions.

Re:Read this post at your own risk... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277966)

i think what you may have failed to understand here is that this is a State Park, owned by the state, and therefore owned by the government of the state and as we all know, you cannot sue a government entity without its express permission.

Re:Read this post at your own risk... (1)

sweetnjguy29 (880256) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279148)

Check out the website, genius, its a privately owned park.

the birdge wan't for that... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278029)

of you look on the site, the huge bridge was for one of the supervised, professionally instructed activites that they do, via feratta, which involves the use of two lanyards, and a harness, to hold you if you fall. No-one following the rules was going to fall off that bridge, and if they did, they'd just hang off a rope on one side of it.

An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so... (3, Funny)

antdude (79039) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277777)

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Known as Hellman's east of the Rockies. Beware of greeks bearing gifts. Beware of gifts bearing greeks. This side up. Don't take any wooden nickels. Don't take candy from strangers. Void where prohibited. Caveat Emptor (Buyer beware) Caveat Vendor (Beware of street people). Donde esta el bano. Beware of DOS. Look both ways before crossing the street. All your base are belong to us. Always wear safety belt. Always wear deodorant. Don't forget to breathe. If you park, don't drink...accidents cause people. This supersedes all previous notices.

This modified disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.

Re:An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so (1)

StonedRat (837378) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277854)

Paragraphs suck!

Re:An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so (1)

numbware (691928) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278717)

That seems resonable... I agree!

Reads like a SarbOx warning (1)

c0dedude (587568) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277781)

We should put that in the internet's annual report.

Holy short Articles Batman! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277788)

Is it just me, or is the article summary longer than the article itself?

The original... (1, Redundant)

222 (551054) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277824)

The original "impressive" disclaimer.

I got a few laughs out of it ;)

WARNING
Nature is unpredictable and unsafe. Mountains are dangerous. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the books.

Nelson Rocks Preserve is covered in steep terrain with loose, slippery and unstable footing. The weather can make matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere. You may fall, be injured or die. There are hidden holes. You could break your leg. There are wild animals, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread diseases. These include poisonous snakes and insects. Plants can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the grounds, rocks, cliffs or other features, natural or otherwise.

Real dangers are present even on trails. Trails are not sidewalks. They can be, and are, steep, slippery and dangerous. Trail features made or enhanced by humans, such as steps, walls and railings (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. They are unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.

Stay on the trails whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and first aid supplies at all times.

Rocks and other objects can fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down slopes. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people above you, such as climbers. Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders, can shift, move or fall with no warning. Use of helmets is advised for anyone approaching the rock formations. They can be purchased or rented at Seneca Rocks. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on another part of your body. A whole rock formation might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.

Weather can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia, heat stroke, lightning, ice and snow, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn easy terrain into a deathtrap.

If you scramble in high places (scrambling is moving over terrain steep enough to use your hands) without proper experience, training and equipment, or allow children to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be injured or die. It happens all the time.

The Preserve does not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people in the preserve, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.

If you climb, you may die or be seriously injured. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, stay at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees, etc.) As far as we know, any of them can and will fail and send you plunging to your death. There are countless tons of loose rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the rocks, and elsewhere on the property. We may or may not know about any specific hazard, but even if we do, don't expect us to try to warn you. You're on your own.

Rescue services are not provided by the Preserve, and may not be available quickly or at all. Local rescue squads may not be equipped for or trained in mountain rescue. If you are lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue you or treat your injuries, they may be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors and hospitals. We assume no responsibility. Also, if you decide to participate in a rescue of some other unfortunate, that's your choice. Don't do it unless you are willing to assume all risks.

By entering the Preserve, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke. We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not. If we do decide to warn you about something, that doesn't mean we will try to warn you about anything else. If we do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, we may not try to correct any others, and we may make matters worse! We and our employees or agents may do things that are unwise and dangerous. Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

NRP Management


source: http://www.nelsonrocks.org/disclaimer.html [nelsonrocks.org]

Disclaimer for Linux (5, Funny)

bananaendian (928499) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277827)

Installing Linux is complex and difficult. Distros are halfbaked and unpredictable. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the books.

The install process is covered in steep learning curves, slippery catches and unstable automated functions. Having a non-standard set of hardware will make matters worse. Mindbogling jargon is everywhere. You may fail, crash or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. You could break your multi-boot partitions. There are hidden rules and things to know. Carry install disks, backups and a spare windows machine at all times.

Asking for help won't work. The wild linux-know-it-all snobs are ready to bounce at your pitiful requests for explanations, with vicious, poisonous comments about newbies and reading the man pages. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. By using a free open source operating system, you are agreeing that we owe you no hint of advice or any other care. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. This is no joke.

We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, specially if we know about it. We may or may not make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, and we may make matters worse! Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice just for fun. So don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE LINUX AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!

PS: Here is the original disclaimer [nelsonrocks.org] which is way more funnier and actually quite true considering the dangers at that Preserve. --- www.tribalnetworks.org

Disclaimer for Windows XP (1)

Observador (224372) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278390)

Operating systems are unpredictable and unsafe. Processes are dangerous. Many knowledge bases have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the web.

Microsoft Windows XP is covered in a graphical user interface with loose, slippery and unstable commands. The weather can make matters worse. You may loose data, applications or your job. There are hidden DRM holes. You could be sued...

Re:Disclaimer for Linux (1)

evilviper (135110) | more than 8 years ago | (#15280036)

Installing Linux is easy (unless you insist on dual-booting), it's the rest that is hard.

Many distros are halfbaked and unpredictable, but there are a few good ones out there.

Asking for help won't work. The faceless people on the internet aren't there to be your servants, just because you don't feel like reading through the docs. This can get very ugly, because of the inability to punch someone in the face over the internet.

Beware of Leopard.

Uncyclopedia (1)

zip0nada (883919) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277830)

"When watching Uncyclopedia, do so in a well lit room, and do not sit too close to the TV. We are absolutely not accountable for your actions, especially if you try to use this information in a dark room. Consult a doctor if reading while pregnant, diabetic or hypersensitive to penicillin. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Void where prohibited. Where there is smoke there is fire. Swimming is the best form of exercise. Batteries not included. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Call your mother, she's worried about you. Close cover before striking. Game pieces do not actually talk. Uncyclopedia is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registeredtrademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball. Caution: Happy FUn Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete. Discontinute use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs: Itching, Vertigo, Dizziness, Tingling in extremities, Loss of balance or coordination, Slurred speech, Temporary blindness, Profuse Sweating, or Heart palpitations. If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and it's parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability. Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Some cars not for use with some sets, Please return seats and tray tables to their upright and locked positions."

This can be see in its original context at uncyclopedia.org here [uncyclopedia.org]

Re:Uncyclopedia (1)

HermanAB (661181) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279165)

I wonder where this originally comes from: "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball."

Parachutes are better... (1)

PatTheGreat (956344) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277910)

I like the disclaimer on parachutes:

"This product made for no purpose whatsoever."

Kinda describes the internet these days, don't you think?

Internet, eh? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15277941)

The only way to win is not to play.

How about? (3, Funny)

K8Fan (37875) | more than 8 years ago | (#15277969)

How about a classic one:

"The Internet is full. Go away.

Re:How about? (1)

Firehed (942385) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279914)

That would solve every problem on the internet. The people stupid enough to believe it are the types that made it an unhappy and worthless place to be.

We shall call it (1)

Schraegstrichpunkt (931443) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278016)

The Internet General Public Disclaimer, Version 1.

New disclaimer? (2, Funny)

springbox (853816) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278036)

I liked the old one [citizensun...nology.org] better

Life's gonna suck when you grow up (2, Funny)

RiffRafff (234408) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278119)

Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
Hey, if you know the words, sing along
You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen
It's gonna seem about three times as long as that
You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun
You might have to go to war when you get out of school
Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse
You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war
Santa Claus does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
You're gonna end up smoking crack, on you're back, face the fact
You're gonna end up hooked on smack and then you're gonna die
And then you're gonna die

Dennis Leary

http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/D/Denis-Leary/Life's -Gonna-Suck.html [rare-lyrics.com]

biezNatch (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278157)

variations on the but it's not a work tha7 you my resignation

Error (1)

kentrel (526003) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278214)

404 - Funny not found

err.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278217)

The other people in the preserve, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.


Er, I'm not sure you can refuse to take responsibility for your employees roaming the park, ripped to the tits on speed, mushrooms and whisky, armed to the teeth.. If you can, any chance of a job?

Disclaimer schmislcaimer (1)

MrNougat (927651) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278491)

Everything said about "The Internet" is just as true for "Not The Internet," because The Internet is not made of magic by the Good Witch of the West. The same people who lie in wait to take advantage of the naive on The Internet do so offline, too.

Conversely, the same people who are easily conned offline are keeping spammers in business.

Generally speaking, some people are out to get you, and some people will get taken. The medium is irrelevant.

Mount Washington (1)

rah1420 (234198) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278762)

I'm especially fond of the disclaimer on the hiking trails on Mount Washington. [mountwashington.com]

STOP
The area ahead has the worst weather in America. Many have died there from exposure, even in the summer. Turn back NOW if the weather is bad.

WHITE MOUNTAIN NATIONAL FOREST

Bible Disclaimer (1)

Bushido Hacks (788211) | more than 8 years ago | (#15278797)

Since there is a disclaimer for the internet, how about one for The Bible [lernziel.de] as well.

Enough said: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15278841)

"The Internet? Is that thing still around?"

--Homer Simpson

Doesn't GTA give us a better warning? (2, Insightful)

Elf_h34d3r (955909) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279035)

I believe CUNT (Citizens United Negating Technology) from GTA:Liberty City Stories already gives us a decent disclaimer, and this was from the fictional year of 1998...

Their site can be found at http://www.citizensunitednegatingtechnology.org/ [citizensun...nology.org]

minor additions (1)

White_Knight_32_KS (605740) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279039)

Please accept my own comments, for what they are worth. After all, it is a laugh, but a fairly accurate one. Even my own additions do not make it all encompassing, but hopefully closer to the truth. http://www.geocities.com/white_knight_32_ks/discla imer.html [geocities.com]

Related to the article, but not the content.... (1)

Jaime2 (824950) | more than 8 years ago | (#15279133)

I just saw a DHTML ad for Xerox cover the article for about 30 seconds before moving out of the way. That's far more intrusive and annoying than popups. I'm outta here......

we all know (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 8 years ago | (#15279230)

that disclaimers don't necessarily shield you from liability. In fact, showing you know the dangers may put responsibility on you to protect your users from such!
Load More Comments
Slashdot Account

Need an Account?

Forgot your password?

Don't worry, we never post anything without your permission.

Submission Text Formatting Tips

We support a small subset of HTML, namely these tags:

  • b
  • i
  • p
  • br
  • a
  • ol
  • ul
  • li
  • dl
  • dt
  • dd
  • em
  • strong
  • tt
  • blockquote
  • div
  • quote
  • ecode

"ecode" can be used for code snippets, for example:

<ecode>    while(1) { do_something(); } </ecode>
Create a Slashdot Account

Loading...