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Robot Identifies Human Flesh As Bacon

Zonk posted more than 7 years ago | from the tastes-like-chicken-or-so-i've-heard dept.

312

Jearil writes "Wired's 'Table of Malcontents' blog links to an article about a wine-tasting robot that thinks humans taste like bacon. The Japanese robot is intended to act as a personal sommelier, suggesting wines, cheeses, and hors d'oeuvres based on its owners personal tastes. It also apparently thinks humans would be tasty as part of a sandwich." From the article: "Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon ... Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses ... like 'tell me what this strange grayish lump at the back of my freezer is/was.' But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot's omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto." This is most distressing.

cancel ×

312 comments

yummy (5, Funny)

FudRucker (866063) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789783)

Bacon flavored soylent green

The robot is right (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789789)

And that's all I'm going to say.

Soo... (4, Funny)

Shadow Wrought (586631) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789791)

Was he supposed to know what human flesh tastes like? 'Cause once they get the taste, there's no going back!

Distressing? (5, Funny)

onion2k (203094) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789793)

This is most distressing.

No it's not. It's brilliant. The only thing putting me off cannabalism was a concern I might not like the taste. Best news ever!

I for one (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789795)

Well, I for one welcome our new human-eating robotic overlords

I thought (4, Funny)

Scareduck (177470) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789797)

humans tasted just like chicken. (I haven't summoned the courage to ask my wife what she thinks I taste like.)

fp (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789799)

frist psot!

Obligatory... (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789805)

I, for one, welcome our human-eating robot overlords

I for one... (-1, Redundant)

bckrispi (725257) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789809)

...welcome our homonivorous robot overlords!

One thing is for certain (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789811)

The robots will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new robotic Atkins diet overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground bacon caves.

Our only hope (3, Funny)

MechaShiva (872964) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789813)

Let's just hope these robots are orthodox religious types...

"Tastes like chicken..." (1)

setirw (854029) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789815)

Now that would be a truly distressing designation!

Tastes like chicken (-1, Redundant)

TheStonepedo (885845) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789821)

I, for one, welcome our non-discriminatory piggy and human loving overlords.

The robot got it right. (5, Interesting)

Tackhead (54550) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789831)

Ask a Polynesian cannibal why they called it long pig.

If there are no Polynesian cannibals in your area, ask a soldier or fireman what burning human flesh smells like.

We smell like pork when we're well-done. The robot got it absolutely right. And I, for one, would like to remind the robot that I'm absolutely delicious when served with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Change of recipe (3, Funny)

Satorian (902590) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789833)

Note to self: Change chicken-based recipes.

But Bacon Tastes Good... Pork Chops Taste Good. (0)

fatboy (6851) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789835)

But Bacon Tastes Good... Pork Chops Taste Good.

Forget the Skynet funding bill ... (4, Funny)

ScrewMaster (602015) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789837)

it looks like the Rise of the Machines will take place in the kitchen.

Okay.. (4, Insightful)

vga_init (589198) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789849)

This does not surprise me considering that pork is the closest thing to human flesh that we eat.

I used to theorize that human flesh probably contains more of the same nutrients we need than any other food out there, so I had guessed in the past that in theory it would be pretty tasty.

Obligatory Homer quote (4, Funny)

Ledsock (926049) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789853)

Mmmmm..... Bacon....

One thing is certain... (5, Funny)

caitsith01 (606117) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789857)

One thing is certain, the repetitive jokes will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new "I for one welcome..."-joke-setting-up overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted Slashdotter I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground repetitive-joke-comment caves (as if they need it).

That poor man. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789861)

Say, they didn't happen to give us that cameraman's name? Where to find him, perhaps? He sounds like the kind of guy I'd love to meat. Er, meet. He sounds like maybe he could use a comforting olive oil bath, and then relax on a bed of mozarella and fresh basil.

Slashdot flat today (0, Troll)

Harmonious Botch (921977) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789875)

Is it just me? Did I miss something? They number of replies to posts seems to have dropped off a bit.

Long Pig (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789885)

Human flesh is known as Long Pig in some cultures that have a history of cannibalism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_pig [wikipedia.org] . So it's not just robots who make this connection.

Where are the Soylent Green Jokes?

Fine, because robots dislike bacon. (5, Funny)

doug141 (863552) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789887)

They like alcohol. And gambling.

you missed the part right after (1)

circletimessquare (444983) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789889)

when the robot said "I'm a friend of Sarah Connor. I was told she was here. Could I see her please?"

Good wine (5, Funny)

dodongo (412749) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789907)

Well at least now we know to pair human flesh with a darker, spicier red like Zinfandel or Shiraz / Syrah.

Phew.

Mmmm, long pig (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789909)

You fella like'm kai kai long pig?

Not mentioned... (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789913)

In addition to tasting the male cameraman, a female reporter was smelled. The robot described her as having a pungent fish odor.

Accurate (1)

PriyanPhoenix (900509) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789929)

Why is this distressing? That just sounds *accurate*. Err, I mean by all accounts... I still remember my Design Tech teacher sternly warning us all to be careful with soldering irons as they are very hot, which he proceeded to demonstrate by pressing it against his fingers with a hiss, then sniffing and exclaiming, "Smells like bacon!"

RE: Fine, because robots dislike bacon. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789941)

They like alcohol. And gambling.

... and prostitutes.

Eh... On second thought, forget the alcohol and gambling.

I've never really like bacon (1)

Ignis Flatus (689403) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789943)

...and now I know why. :(

Re:Distressing? (4, Informative)

DrMrLordX (559371) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789945)

Enjoy the Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.

BACON!@!!!@!!! (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789947)

Robots don't know it's not bacon!

Women already knew this (1)

DaveM753 (844913) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789949)

Guys have sausage, ya know.

Bacon? Obligatory word from Urban Dictionary.... (1)

lukateake (619282) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789953)

wolfbagging -- (NSFW) but you can look it up here. [urbandictionary.com]

No pig for me (4, Interesting)

AsnFkr (545033) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789957)

This is seriously why I don't dine on swine. Back on the farm I grew up on from time to time we'd have to cut up a pig for whatever reason and the way pig's flesh looks when being cut open looks EXACTLY like human flesh being cut, and it's haunted me for years. Pigs are just too close to people in my mind.

obligatory animal farm quote (5, Interesting)

gsn (989808) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789959)

"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."

Re:yummy (1)

nocomment (239368) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789963)

I'm wondering where the samples came from...and if the scientists verified the robots find.

Then Hannibal was wrong (4, Funny)

khendron (225184) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789965)

He should have chosen a Burgundy, which is a fine match for prosciutto, instead of a Chianti.

Aztecs Can Confirm! (5, Interesting)

NoTailNoGoodnik (882750) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789973)

The robot probably isn't far off...

The Aztecs had a long legacy of cannibalism as part of their religious ceremonies. It was considered (I assume by those not experiencing it) an honor to be killed and eaten as a token to their god(s).

After the Spanish came and forcefully converted the native American survivors to Roman Catholocism, the Aztecs adopted the stigma attached to cannibalism. However, they couldn't get enough of that porcine protein brought over from Europe. When asked about their focused consumption of pigs, the former people eaters replied with a simple answer: pigs taste like you and me.

Humans and Swine Not Dissimilar (4, Insightful)

AeroIllini (726211) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789975)

We would be good on a sandwich.

Humans and pigs are actually fairly close anatomically, which is why high school students dissect pig fetuses every year and why pigs are a promising species in the field of Xenotransplantation [wikipedia.org] . And it's really not distressing at all, after you get over the ick factor. We're not made of magical fairy dust ... we are flesh and bone just like any other mammal, and it seems reasonable to believe that animals which are similar anatomically would have similar compounds that generate similar tastes.

Humans: Just a Bunch of Pigs (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16789981)

We alien life forms living incognito (hence the Anonymous Coward posting) have always known you humans are just a bunch of pigs that happen to look a little like hairless monkeys. And you should know, we find you quite tasty. There's nothing quite as satisfying for lunch as an HLT sandwich...

Um, bacon is the polite way of putting it (1)

Colin Smith (2679) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789983)

What it really said is that you smell like a pig.

 

no surprise here (0, Redundant)

tpjunkie (911544) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789985)

South Pacific islanders that practiced cannabalism used to refer to human meat as "Long Pig" around westerners so as not to clue them in, and furthermore, those same peoples became avid consumers of SPAM, which they claim tasted pretty darn close to people.

ah (1)

inKubus (199753) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789989)

Here I always thought PASTRAMI was the king of the smoked meats.

Don't take it lying down! (4, Funny)

EmbeddedJanitor (597831) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789991)

What does robot taste like?

Stand back! I gotta practice my stabbin'! HA HAAAA (1)

Picass0 (147474) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789993)

Roberto is one crazy robot... but seriously, bacon? Not "ugly bags of mostly water?"

Well at least we don't taste like Spam (1)

wisebabo (638845) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789995)

Well at least we don't taste like Spam

Journalists discover GIGO, News at 11. (0, Troll)

QuantumG (50515) | more than 7 years ago | (#16789999)

GIGO = Garbage In, Garbage Out, for all you people who shouldn't even be reading this site.

Nothing to worry about (1)

BorgCopyeditor (590345) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790001)

Really, there's nothing to worry about, since as Asimov pointed out in his story "Reason [wikipedia.org] " (1941), the robots are not likely to find pork appealing: "There is no master but the Master, and QT-1 is his prophet." ;-) (My friend is a Muslim, so I can make this joke ... I think.)

AM I THE ONLY ONE TO WONDER... (1)

Volanin (935080) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790005)

Erm... What does brains tastes like?

Re:Okay.. (1)

urikkiru (801560) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790009)

Hrm... I think the fact that you sat around thinking about this is just a whee bit disturbing :)

I wonder if only the hand tastes like bacon? (1)

GungaDan (195739) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790015)

I bet the tongue tastes like tongue.

So now... everyone... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790023)

Everyone smells or tastes like bacon. It says it was the "smart" reporter. Maybe a picture of him or his menu for that day could tell why.

Moral of the story (falling into the same generalization): reporters don't wash their hands. Beware of shaking hands with a reporter.

taste/smell (1)

Faaln (1004586) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790025)

I'm relatively sure that the robot may have been "tasting" the soap and other hygiene products the two had used that day in combination with their skin, we'd probably have to use it in a clean room to see what we really taste like.

smells like it (4, Interesting)

gad_zuki! (70830) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790041)

True story. I was having radiosurgery to remove a birthmark a couple of years ago. Essentially it burns off the skin in a way that allows it to heal with no scarring. I'm dosed up with Novocain and am lying down trying not think of whats going on a few inches from my eyes. Suddenly it smells like burning pork. I think to myself "What the hell is burning." A moment later I realized it was me.

funny on so many levels (1)

timmarhy (659436) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790043)

it makes perfect sense that the robot would think this. we use pig skin graphs on burns victims, so pig skin and human must be very similar.

humans, the other pork (3, Insightful)

budgenator (254554) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790045)

We're a lot closer to swine than most would imagine, pigskin has been used for xenografts for human burn victims and of course pig heart valves have been implanted into people. Rumor even has it that we taste about the same, ever heard the saying, "humans, the other pork" or the term long-pig?

The cameraman then...... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790049)

Takes the robots and points it at the reporters crouch.
Beep beep,.......
cherio,...a bit salty.
2 currants also salty.....

Pig Fucker (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790061)

Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!

YoU FAIL it.. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790065)

Trying to dissect towels on the floor distribution make you down. it was downward spiral. perspective, the SLING YOU CAN Are y0u GAY BSD machines, About a project

that's odd (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790069)

when i eat my girlfriend it doesn't taste like bacon at all!

Vegetarian alternative (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790073)

As a vegetarian, I'm going to stick to hufu [wikipedia.org] , the "tofu-based product that is meant to resemble, as realistically as possible, the taste and texture of human flesh"!

It picked up the cameraman as prosciutto? (1)

Beefysworld (1005767) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790075)

This robot is smarter than people think. It can also tell a person's nationality by taste!

So basically... (1)

Kazrath (822492) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790079)

When I used to call the fat kid a pig I wasn't to far off. Maybe the whole bacon thing is occuring because the amount of obese people in the world continues to climb? Cut the fat and we will be back to chicken.

Re:I thought (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790081)

humans tasted just like chicken. (I haven't summoned the courage to ask my wife what she thinks I taste like.)

The mailman, probably...

Thank you, I'll be here all this week!

This is Old News (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790085)

Its gone out of circulation but an old term for meat from a human was "long pig."

The most disturbing part of this is how did the robot get to "taste" human flesh?

BTW, Do usernames eventually get dropped from slashdot if you don't login? Or is something wrong with slashdot? its not recognizing my email, or my username.

Distressing? (3, Insightful)

meanfriend (704312) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790093)

Not if the robots are vegan.

I'm not at all concerned about getting eaten by Asimo or TMX Elmo.

If the Matrix , the Terminator, and Futurama have taught me anything, is that robots would be more likely to farm me, shoot me, or steal from me first.

I'd be more worried about getting eaten by *you*, should the robo-apocalypse ever come to pass...

The obvious way to save ourselves: (5, Funny)

Cyberblah (140887) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790101)

Only build Jewish robots.

Re:One thing is certain... (2, Insightful)

bruins01 (992422) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790107)

I, for one, welcome our new fun-hating joke-killing overlords.

Ah, but... (2, Funny)

Robot Randy (982296) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790113)

What will the robot say Kevin Bacon tastes like?

SPAM (1)

frieza79 (947618) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790115)

At least we're not identified as SPAM and just tossed away.

Ob song quote (1)

FusionDragon2099 (799857) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790131)

I have a feeling that we won't survive
We'll be eaten alive by robots!


-Lemon Demon, "When Robots Attack"

MMMM pork (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790133)

The sad thing is pork is my favorite meat. MMMMM I love the pink stuff the chinese place calls Pork. Maybe I am destined to be a cannibal?

Ham it up, fat boy! (2, Funny)

shanec (130923) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790141)

A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto

Sounds about right. Most cameramen I know (including myself) are just big hams!

Well, I smell like bacon (1)

The Great Pretender (975978) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790149)

...at least the last time I zapped myself with 1200 watts of RF the was a definite smell of bacon coming from my finger...

The robot continued... (1)

Dr. Eggman (932300) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790153)

...that the reporter might be best servered with fava beans and a nice chianti, followed it's suggestion with a quick slirping-hiss sound.

The Robot Got It Right - Reply (1)

JavaManJim (946878) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790159)

Also humans are too fat like bacon.

"Villemarette said eating chips, in a roundabout way, presents a problem when a human skeleton is being processed. The [dermestid] beetles don't like to eat human tissue, he said, because of the volume of grease in human bones and meat."

Source: a Boston Globe article that was widely distributed in October.
http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/dws/bus/stories/ 110106dnbusskulls.2e2231f.html [wfaa.com]

Off topic, I wish this would slot under "The Robot Got it Right"

Thanks,
Jim Burke

asdf (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790163)

i for one welcome our new wine-tasting, flesh-smelling robotic overlords.

Bacon vs Spam (1)

8ball629 (963244) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790165)

Hey... at least we don't taste like spam [slashdot.org] .

RE: Smells like it (1)

From A Far Away Land (930780) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790169)

I agree that humans roasted smell like pork. Don't ask me how I know.

OK, you can ask me, because I don't really know, I was just trying to scare you a little. I'd guess there are some firefighters or hospital staff out there that could confirm or deny your smell sense.

Foreign tastes (1)

Schraegstrichpunkt (931443) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790179)

So if Japanese people taste like bacon, what do Canadians taste like?

It ain't racism, it's humor (1)

SQLGuru (980662) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790191)

Human, the other, other white meat....

Layne

What the Robot Really Said Was... (3, Funny)

wahman143 (1025119) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790207)

"All Your Flesh Are Belong to Us"

that's good (1)

grumpyman (849537) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790209)

I mean this is pretty accurate... modern human flesh ARE bacon. It's not like it think human taste like banana or skunk.

Taste of human (1)

miles31337 (539573) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790215)

Does that mean we can fend off Cthulhu with bacon?

I'm having a Devo moment.. (1)

aitala (111068) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790217)

Are we not ham?

Heh.

DrE

All your base (1)

rHBa (976986) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790223)

All your base are belong to... ...hmmmmm crackling!

Our only hope now... (1)

monopole (44023) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790227)

Is to convert all robots to Judaism.
Then we'll be fine until we hit the Y5K crisis.

Re:No pig for me (1)

R_Growler (84235) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790231)

Right...
So, back on the farm you grew up on. Was there much cutting of human flesh? Or did you just sorta "freelance" in the human flesh cutting business?

who'd thunk it. Where I grew up there was much cutting of pig. Never really made the connection with human flesh though. :)

-RG.

This reminds of student congress... (1)

Libertarian001 (453712) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790239)

...back in high school. I wasn't actually on it, but I had several friends who were. I used to write bills for them.

One in particular mandated that all executions were to be done via electric chair. Since that had the effect of cooking people, we tried to tie it to a feed the homeless person bill.

At one point in the debate, my bill's sponsor said, "And whereas human flesh tastes like pork..." and was promptly interrupted by another of my friends saying, "Point of order, tastes like chicken" (because that was the joke going around then, that everything tasted like chicken).

That started the whole congress off on an argument.

They later passed a resolution that I wasn't allowed to author any more bills.

Good times.

ok.. I'll ask since no one else has.. (1)

Sassinak (150422) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790249)

So what would a police officer taste like considering that your average "joe" and "jane" taste like Bacon to the Robot?

Humans, the other white meat! (1)

JChung2006 (894379) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790277)

Was this joke in poor taste? ;)

Heinlein's long pig? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790285)

Wasn't it in _Stranger in a Strange Land_ that Heinlein suggested that human tasted like pork?

I am now two things. (1)

Itninja (937614) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790295)

I always knew I was hot. Now I know I am hot AND delicious!

Eat my shorts! (1)

Facuman (975334) | more than 7 years ago | (#16790305)

Morbo says "Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!!, all humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo."

wtf?! (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#16790307)

What kind of news is this shit?! Monkies are flying out of my ass, how about a main page story?
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