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Uncle Robin's Advice for Lovelorn Geeks

Roblimo posted more than 14 years ago | from the everybody-loves-somebody-sometime dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 766

"How do I find a woman like her?" I often get asked this question by young computer dudes who meet my lovely wife, Debbie, and wonder how an old ugly guy like me managed to get hold of such a wonderful woman while smarter, studlier young guys (like them) seem to strike out with every female they meet. These lonely youngsters all seem to think I must have a set of magic rules for attracting females. And guess what? I do. Click "Read More" and I'll share them with you.

Don't Waste Your Time on Geek Girls
Here you are, an obsessed coder and all that, spending 2/3 of your waking time online and clicking on Slashdot five times a day. Wouldn't it be nice if you could find a woman who shares your interests?

No!

A woman just like you wouldn't be there for you when you wanted a hug. She'd be obsessively coding or posting on Slashdot herself, and would brush you off when you needed her. What you really want is a woman who will be there for you when you get tired of staring at your monitor and need some loving, but will leave you alone and not demand your attention when you're busy. You don't want a Geek Girl. You want a woman who is willing and able to meet a geek's needs, which is not the same thing at all.

Men involved in activities that demand long periods of intense concentration (programmers, artists, writers, musicians, etc.) need women who will respect what they do and help them do it well, not women who compete with them.

We need what are now called "old fashioned girls" who don't mind cooking our meals, rubbing our sore shoulders, and running our bath water for us. There are plenty of these women out there. They're as eager to find you as you are to find them. The trick is sorting through the 6 billion people on this planet to find the woman who is right for you instead of wasting your time on women with whom you cannot possibly build a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.

Forget the Girls in Playboy
The silicone-enhanced babes you see posing in skin mags and on porn Web sites aren't interested in you. Neither are the blondies you see hanging on football players' arms, and even if one of them suddenly decides you'd be a nice change after the other men she's had in her life, you'll probably be disappointed with her.

I've gone out with more than a few "hot babes" in my time (I wasn't always married) and I generally found them to be more trouble than they were worth. Women who look great aren't necessarily good in bed, and those who have learned how to use their looks as a tool to manipulate men will almost always make your life miserable in the long run. If nothing else, they're expensive. Do you have any idea how much someone like Pamela Anderson spends on clothes, makeup, and cosmetic surgery every year? Trust me: it's more than you can afford unless you're a rock star or the CEO of Oracle (Hi, Larry!), and even then it's more than she's probably worth.

When you take off their clothes and their makeup, many "hot" women are really rather plain. The trick is to find a woman who doesn't spend a lot of time and money cuting herself up, but is pleasant to hold once all the packaging is removed. She'll be more likely to want some cuddling than the vain ones, and, unlike them, will concentrate on loving you instead of worrying about getting her hair messed up.

Practical hint: ever notice how, at a dance or in a bar, 90% of the men try to glom on to 10% of the women? Be smarter than those guys! Pay attention to the women who look nice but unspectacular and are being ignored because they aren't perfectly dressed or made up. The best software usually doesn't come in the fanciest box, right? The same goes for girls.

It's Okay to be Tongue-Tied
Don't worry about other men being "smooth talkers" while you're not. Many, possibly most, of your male ancestors were even less verbal than you, but they still managed to reproduce. (See your mirror for evidence.) Women don't always choose men based on slick opening lines. Indeed, many women tend to be put off by prepared "seduction" speeches, and prefer an honest, if slightly tongue-tied, guy to one who who comes across as having practiced pickup lines for hours on end.

And your clothes don't make all that much difference to women as long as they're appropriate for the time and place. Be clean and neat. That's all you need.

A woman who is only interested in your designer outfits is not only likely to be too shallow for you, but may also be interested in seeing you only in your fancy clothes, not out of them. This is not the right woman for you!

There's More to Life Than Computing
The biggest mistake I see computer-obsessed men make when getting to know women is to talk about nothing but computer stuff all the time. My wife uses her computer all day long as a working tool, but neither knows nor cares what kind of NIC (a 3Com) or how much RAM (64 MB) it has inside. If I want to discuss PC hardware I do it with male friends, not with my wife.

The best way to handle a conversation with a woman, especially one you've just met, is to find out what interests her. Ask her questions! Not whether she likes to be tied to the bed with ribbons and have her tummy tongue-tickled (at least not on a first date) but about her hopes and dreams in life, favorite TV shows, and other general interest things like that. Work and school are usually safe conversational starting points.

You've heard this before, but body language is more important than your words. So look at the girl! I mean her eyes, not her breasts. Don't cross your arms and legs as though you're trying to protect yourself from her. If you want to touch her arm, and she's close, go ahead. Maybe she'll touch you back. If your touch wasn't overly intrusive, returning it will be a natural, almost instinctive, reaction on her part.

You're a little shy and awkward? No big deal. She may be just as shy as you are. Don't push her. If she finds you at all attractive, she'll find subtle ways to be close to you without making it look as if she's being pushy.

And if the girl finds you unattractive, she'll let you know that, too (so you can dump her before you get too serious). Paying attention is the key to picking up the signals either way. If you're having trouble understanding the lady's vibes, ask questions! All females come with HOWTOs. Verbal ones. Ask them questions like, "Does this feel good?" and they'll answer. They also like honest compliments, so if you touch the back of her hand and it makes you feel all warm inside, go ahead and say, "Touching the back of your hand makes me feel all warm inside."

That's certainly a lot classier than, "You got nice boobs," which is a statement virtually guaranteed to put off almost any woman who isn't selling her body for drug money.

In other words, you don't have to be slick with women, but being stupid or crude with them gets you nowhere. (Unless you like stupid, crude women.)

Teenagers Take Heart: It Gets Better
All teenage boys are idiots when it comes to girls. And teenage girls are idiots when it comes to boys. The girls who laugh at you in high school laugh because they're nervous and, if you're exceptionally bright, posibly because they're a little bit scared of you. Sooner or later those same girls will get over their stupid crushes on Ricky Martin (in my time it was Ringo Starr), and other unreachable figures, and decide to look seriously at guys like you. This change generally comes between the ages of 18 and 25. Meanwhile, you may have matured a bit yourself by then, so that when the ditzy girls of today turn into tomorrow's adult women, you will no longer look or act like the dork they thought you were in high school

One warning: be gracious, not obnoxious, to girls you find ugly at the age of 15 or 16. There was a girl named Jessica who had a slight crush on me in high school for some unkown reason. She had horrible acne, bad posture, braces, ugly glasses, and wore tacky, faded dresses. She was also a straight-A student -- and slightly arrogant about it. I was not nice to this girl. Hardly anyone was -- except a very ordinary, slightly geeky guy named Mike.

At 18, Jessica suddenly changed. It was like a movie makeover. She got new glasses and the braces came off. She got a better wardrobe, her acne cleared up, and she stopped being stuck-up about her academic achievements. And she grew ... breasts. She took longer than most to develop in the chest department, but the results were worth waiting for. You know the rest of the story. It was Mike all the way. I'd blown my chance by being a jerk. I still have a flat spot on my forehead from banging it against the wall over Jessica.

Women Are More Complicated than Computers
I think this is why so many guys hide their heads in their monitors instead of going out and meeting women. Understanding women is harder than figuring out the hardest computer game, harder even than setting up a secure 200-client network running *BSD. But women can offer more satisfaction than even an overclocked, dual-Celeron workstation, so learning how to deal with them is worth the extra effort.

I believe the greatest frustration about women for men who are used to dealing with Open Source software is that you cannot fix flaws you find in them. You pretty much have no choice but to take them the way they are. For example, my wife likes to redecorate frequently, which sometimes annoys me, but I've learned to shrug my shoulders and call this part of her personality a feature, not a bug, and to accept it with the same good grace with which I accept a certain respected coworker's unique approach to the English language.

But I take pride in the fact that I am just as much of a mystery to my wife as she is to me, and that she can't change my source code any more than I can change hers.

Perhaps this is the true secret of finding a woman to love: knowing that there is no such thing as a perfect female, but that a woman worth loving is worth loving in spite of her imperfections, just as you are worth loving in spite of your imperfections -- to at least one woman in this world, who is probably sitting alone right now, wishing she could find a fine, brilliant (if slightly shy) man like you to fill that big, empty spot in her life.

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766 comments

Re:This is kidding (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591165)

Jeez, come off the leftist high horse. I bet you believe Al Gore really DID invent the internet right? Hysterics like your unintelligble logic process is what drive others to vote on the right.

applause (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591166)

Thanks. I was too lazy to log in and write that.

There really are a lot of sad people who read /.

I find Roblimo utterly repulsive, the scheming little twat. I feel sorry for his wife.

This article is an insult to the intelligence of women and can only serve to embarrass the Open Source developer community.

If you look, you'll see that we're not all sad little geeks who can't communicate properly because we've been sat in front of a monitor since birth.

Re:He Obviously Missed Their Anniversary (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591236)

That's what I thought after reading about three paragraphs...

-Chris

Re:What about gay geeks? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591244)

Very True... I have experience with attempting to date other gay geeks, and I have to agree with your point. It just doesn't work. It's somewhat akin to dating a coworker.

Corey

mille542@msu.edu

Re:must you be so immature?? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591249)

I am being completely honest.. I read slashdot every day, but never have felt a need to post, so never bothered to set up an account. I was merely pointing out that not all male geeks are straight, as the article seemed to assume.

Corey

Re:what about this (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591262)

Get the young girls while you can. When you get older, then you can worry about finding the perfect match. Just don't be a jerk about it and tell them lies just to get them in the sack.

Ah, one of the Greatest Mysteries.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591268)

I intend to print this article out, and bind it into a "Geek's Pocket Guide to Women", and keep it in my car. I just hope some of the things mentioned really work.

Every woman I try to get to know seems to be totally uninterested. I'm posting anonymously, because I don't feel like being flamed to my identity. Being someone who has *never* had a girlfriend, I'm pretty much willing to take any good advice that trots my way. If it works, and I meet someone who I'd like to get to know, and wants to get to know me, hell, that would rock. I was smart back in school, but not exactly athletic, or popular. I never got the chance to date.

Thanks for the advice, Roblimo. I'll try it out, and if it works (or if it doesn't), you'll hear about it. ;)

Roblimo saves /. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591273)

Most of Slashdot is crap these days. Full of over-moderation, repeat stories, and vague advertisements. This feature didn't suck. I have a new-found respect for Roblimo which wasn't previously there, and hope to see more of his writings. That's all...

Re:Women? Hah. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591300)

Dude, if i didn't know any better i'd say someone is a little bitter about some closer-to-real-life-than-hypothetical-situation relationships described in the above post.

Feminist (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591302)

"We need what are now called "old fashioned girls" who don't mind cooking our meals, rubbing our sore shoulders, and running our bath water for us" I predict that you'll get lots of mail because of the above sentence. But seriously most people are 'inexperienced' at getting the opposite sex and it shows. They (women) are likewise the same. Practice, practice, practice. One must fall down a lot before one can appreciate being upright.

hmm... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591318)

Doesn't any one else find this article a little (or maybe extreemly) sexist, I mean a girl who will cook your meals and rub your shoulders when you are sore? And you talk mostly about her looks, is what she has to say at all important? Maybe you should just get a maid and a poster to wack off to if thats all you want. Your wife should be someone to discuss things with, and if she can't understand anything you do, or anything thats important to you, then she might as well be your regular girl down at the local brothel...

Re:what about this (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591327)

fulfill your physical desires!!

30 years ago, girls DID go to college to find Mr. Right, and marry him, etc... that is no longer the case.

In all honesty, I've seen very few college relationships that have led to much... Personally, I went out with my last girlfriend for 3 years of my college career, but that recently ended after we graduated.

After school, often too many things change for things to keep going, and i'm not even talking about location... you're in a different part of your life, and sometimes the things that kept you together don't really match up anymore.

That's not to say don't try if you want to, just some advice... after all, many girls see their time in college as a good ime to try new things out and experiment, etc. and it would be a shame to miss out on that..

Re:Utterly utterly offensive (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591330)

you must be insane! You really dont get it, here are some points that you may not be aware of: 1) wife is not a synonym for slave 2) women are not valued soley on their appearence 3) if all you love about a woman are her breasts you are going to be very dissapointed later( wait till she's 60 ) 4) Women have minds and ambitions too, they have not been created just to help you get what you want...

Utopia... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591331)

I wish I knew someone like you (:

this guy has a way with words (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591332)

I was lucky enough to meet my fiance before i became a computer geek. I guess most people learn this stuff early on whereas computer geeks take a little longer to get it right. But the things stated in this post are indeed right on the money.

Enough the propaganda already! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591341)

Why must we be subjected to an endless on-slaught of articles about disaffected het white male hackers looking for booty? Why don't you get someone on your editorial board who is anything different than you? Got any women? How about married men? Any gay people? Heck, how about any colored people? I don't happen to believe that "geeks" must be het white male single hacker types. These articles lately have been painfully adolescent and painfully main-stream. Can't you do better than that?

Re:Great article. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591342)

And I think you're being overly optimistic. Or then again, if you count paid sex it might not be.

Re:be yourself, dammit (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591343)

Right on target! And no lies! Talk to each other.

is this really "news"? (0)

apocalypse_now (82372) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591362)

Come on, so a large number of the people reading /. can't get laid; that does not make this news. A new filter idea, Rob: "Useless love crap"
--
Matt Singerman

How to meet the perfect girl? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591375)

So how does one meet the perfect girl? Not everyone likes to go barhopping, either guys or gals. And not everyone is still in college, either. What's the secret?

Geek girls rock (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591376)

I'm in love with, and live with a geek girl. It's great. We take care of each other. We can talk about our work with each other. I don't want someone who is looking after me like I was a helpless loser and she was a brainless servant.

Re:What about gay geeks? (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591377)

Coming from a female, bigotry and discrimination is generally VERY looked down upon by all females.

Re:How to pick up on chicks, by roblimo. (1)

Roblimo (357) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591387)

and 4: don't take any of this too seriously, especially anything between me and Nitrozac. That's a silly game, nothing more. My wife often looks over my shoulder while I'm working or chatting or whatever. She works at home, right next to me.

- Robin

Re:what a useless waste of a post. (1)

Anarkhia (2342) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591400)

Yes, we wouldn't want to put anything "real world" in YOUR precious Slashdot. News Flash: Roblimo can post to /. and you can't. He's more a part of it than you, so put up or shut up. It's refreshing to see something on here other than Lego and Perl (not that those aren't good too).

-G

Truer words... (1)

moonboy (2512) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591402)

Much truth and wisdom in Roblimo's words.

----------------

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

Mawbid (3993) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591417)

Stangely enough, it didn't feel that way to me. I say strangely because it's amazing that something that can be headlined as "Married Man Sets Geeks Straight About Girls" could possibly be anything but patronising to geeks. Instead, it felt like well-meant, sincere, fatherly advice. Thanks, Robin.
--

B*S (1)

Nicolas MONNET (4727) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591423)

Bullshit. Since I've made sex (one of my) goal(s) I feel much better. If you don't, you always fall in LJBFland -- where LJBF = Let's Just Be Friends. That sucks, you feel bad, and repeat after me: WOMEN WANT SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN DO, just not with anybody (unlike men).

nicely put (1)

nicedream (4923) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591424)

You've heard this before, but body language is more important than your words.

Along these lines, a friend of mine swears that imitating a girls body language is a subconcious way of flirting (she won't even know its happening). Make it subtle though, not a game of simon says.

One other thing...I wasn't around then, but I've been a huge Beatles fan since around 3rd grade, and always thought Paul was the cute one. Well not me personally but that's who the girls like the most, isn't it?

Also a geek girl, and agreeing w/ you (1)

anneke (4956) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591425)

I'm in total agreement with Sumana: sure, I'm offended that he thinks geek girls aren't worth pursuing. Roblimo grants that geek guys have moments when they 'want some loving' when they /aren't/ staring at their monitors. How come geek /girls/ can't want cuddle-time when they're away from their monitors as well? Secondly, it's a heck of a lot nicer when your significant other understands why the heck you're so interested in computers n' stuff. It doesn't have to be the only thing you discuss (Roblimo was right there) but there's something to be said for having like passions. And i'm not talking sex here.

Other than that, his advice is pretty good. Pay attention to what she *says,* her body language...look her in the eye. Sure, body is nice, but it's not everything. Pay her honest compliments... and maybe you'll find someone to share serious time with, more than/instead of some empty "let's get laid" thing, which is probably only a temporary fix anyway.

Best of luck to the nice, sweet, i-do-more-than-talk-about-my-computers geek guys out there. Be yourself. If you fake who you are, you'll be unhappy with what you end up with anyway.



--Anneke

This is great (1)

DrZaius (6588) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591429)

I really enjoyed reading this. It was very amusing.

Normally, statements suggesting 'geeks spend too much time on computers' are offensive, but here it wasn't.

And I would have to say that most of it is correct. My current girlfriend is a geek -- straight A's in the advanced courses, really 'straight edge', yadda yadda yadda. Although, she isn't very good with computers, which is a good thing as it gives us breathing space (but I still try and teach her OO programming techniques every now and then).

One piece of advice I would like to add: Find a lady that looks good without makeup on and you will never be dissapointed. Where can you meet girls without makeup on? Go and do althletic stuff. Not that athletic? Go play ultimate (frisbee, for those who don't know) as there are more forgiving people willing to teach and wait for your growing pains than any other sport. Not to mention 'naked points' -- the number one "try before you buy".

:)

You have to listen too (1)

Nagash (6945) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591431)

I was a loner and bitter toward most everyone all of the time. I did go out every now and then, but it was just to get my kicks from people I thought were idiots and get out aggressions at the same time. I was also gutless when it came to talking to anyone I found interesting (this was the same throughout all of high school).

When I met Beata (whom I now live with and love very much), I did something I hadn't done before: I looked into her eyes and just talked with her. And I listened. Long story made short, we fell in love and have been together for a little over 2 years. Needless to say, I am very happy with life, even being only 25.

All of what was said in the above article is true. You have to talk and listen. These are by far the most important. You also have to call her/him back when you are interested. They won't know if you don't. And for crying out loud, look into their eyes. They really are the window to the soul. (Don't forget to mention that their eyes look good, if you find them attractive =)

Oh yes, and don't follow the above as a formula. People are not formulaic, so why take that approach?

Geoff Wozniak
gzw@home.com

Women? Bah. Computers are FAR easier. (1)

Accipiter (8228) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591446)

Well put, Robin.

We'd all like to be able to fantasize about having a supermodel for a girlfriend, but let's be realistic. The "Pretty 'n Popular" crowd is usually a very shallow and uncommiting group.

Personally, I'm into someone who, while not obnoxious, is individual and is not afraid to voice her own opinion. I don't want somenoe who:

A) Agrees with everything I say.
or
B) Disputes everything I say.

Neither of those types of people will work out. Each situation will end up driving you both crazy. Sure, you'll disagree on some things, but the reason you're going out in the first place is probably because you found you each have something in common. For that to happen, there has to be an amount of agreement. Disagreement is essential as well. (Do you REALLY want someone who just says yes to everything you say?) Intelligent debate goes right down the drain. Constant agreement would drive me insane.

I have to disagree on the Computer part though. She doesn't have to be a guru, but SOME knowledge would definitely be a plus. (Although my fantasy is to have a woman who would come up behind me while I'm programming and give me a shoulder massage, while at the same time, offering suggestions or corrections in my code.)

-- Give him Head? Be a Beacon?

Yes, BUT; (1)

Peale (9155) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591450)

You have to be good at it.

I'm sorry. What I meant to say was 'please excuse me.'
what came out of my mouth was 'Move or I'll kill you!'

Just what the doctor ordered... (1)

Sharkyfour (14327) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591467)

I've been having a little girl trouble lately, and I've been sorta down about it for the last few days, but that article put a huge smile on my face. Thank you Roblimo!
--

Re:Women. (1)

garibald (17833) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591476)

Well don't know about anyone else, but i'm looking for a reasonably intelligent woman, one who doesn't have to ask me what i'm talking about every two minutes, and i don't mean computers, just general conversation, and have an average appearance, otherwise doesn't require a paper bag accessory when going out. Of course, the understanding about priorities is also important, school has to come first.

Girls in Playboy (1)

Processor AL (17975) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591477)

those who have learned how to use their looks as a tool to manipulate men will almost always make your life miserable in the long run - Whew! I can attest to that through several painful experiences. Some of the manipulating hotties have looked great without makeup, etc. too. One of the warning signs: you spend more time with x than me

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I learned a couple of things from your article. For instance, typically my first attempts to touch a woman usually involve some exchange of saliva (either uni- or bi-directional). While it can do the trick to get some nookie, I'm sitting here alone in this big house right now. (laughs) A touch on the arm seems a slightly less accelerated and wiser approach.

How to pick up on chicks, by roblimo. (1)

Pyr (18277) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591478)

1. Hang out in #aftery2k for hours at a time 2. hit on Nitrozac all night 3. Tell all the geek guys about your exploits with women as a cabdriver 3. Tell everyone you're not here to brag about chicks, you're here to help everyone get laid.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

Schmam (18569) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591481)

I agree with you to some extent that this is patronizing. There are many of us who, though possessing enough technical knowledge to be considered a 'geek,' have enough social skill to get along in any setting.

However, there are many, many /.'ers that need all the help they can get. I think that the author did a good job of just being friendly and helpful to these folks.

What Geeks Need. (1)

the_tsi (19767) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591487)

Step one, find someone of similar social status (and would make an appropriate partner based upon both participants sexual orientation) who is not interested in a relationship, but still interested in Mutually Beneficial Activities(tm). Participate in said Activities frequently (and safely, for the record) in the name of Learning (and Enjoyment).

This will help two things:
1. it lessens the level of frustration, and
2. it will break down your inhibitions about contact (emotional AND phsyical) with other people

Then you can move on to true (and much more socially acceptable) romantic relationships.

-Chris

This stuff is valuable, folks.. (1)

spyke (29226) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591510)

I'm one of those teenage-types, and a true geek/nerd/whatever. I have had absolutely *no* luck with women, so any advice is welcomed with open arms. I guess I've been doing everything wrong. But the question is, I suppose, is this really true? I guess only time will tell.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

Darkwind (29729) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591517)

This article I am sure wasn't meant to be offensive. It was simply to help out those geeks out there who do need a little advice in the love department. It does /NOT/ say that every geek who reads /. has trouble with love, nor does it say that you have to read every article. The title itself says that it is his advice for lovelorn geeks. If you aren't a lovelorn geek, you don't have to read it.

This was of course not meant to flame, but simply to help enlighten those who think that every article is directed at them. If the article is your thing, that's fantastic. If not, don't worry about it much, it wasn't meant for you.

What's the purpose of competition? (1)

jpritikin (30460) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591521)

You want to feel good, all the time or at least whenever you want.

Let me tell you a secret. This wont come as a surprise to many of you: How you feel is not random. You are programmed to feel good in specific situations and you are programmed to feel like shit in other situations. This is where being a programmer comes in handy. You already know how to program computers so why not re-program yourself?

This is a *major* advantage when it comes to girls (or guys). In relationships, people always complain that the other person wont change. But what if you are willing to change? You're going to be in *high* demand. Let me tell you, this is what is most attractive: the ability to change yourself dynamically, on the fly. That's where it's at big time! And as a programmer, you have a huge head start because you already know programming.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

zuvembi (30889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591523)

Hmmm, I hadn't thought about that point. I suppose that is a valid point. I guess I would have been less quick to find fault if it had been an article on why geek girls may not really be what will make you happy. If he had cut out the last 1/2 I suppose I would have been perfectly happy reading it.

I know my wife is a luddite, she really doesn't like using them too much. When the talk among our friends turns to computers she often starts feigning death, which usually makes us turn the conversation elsewhere. But we have plenty of other interests/activities in common.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

zuvembi (30889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591524)

I know it wasn't meant to be offensive, I just said it rubbed me the wrong way. You're probably right that I'm just being over-sensitive and should have just gone to the next article.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

zuvembi (30889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591525)

Sorry, I think the hangover's impairing my humour subroutine. I'll try and be a little slower with the reply button next time.

Hah! (1)

Foogle (35117) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591548)

This is awesome! It's so true, and yet we see others (and ourselves) doing stupid things like talking to would-be-girlfriends about our new monitor all the time. If anyone outside geekdom read this they probably wouldn't believe it, but jeez, it's so true.

-----------

"You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding."

must you be so immature?? (1)

TheAB (38019) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591552)

C'mon. really.

My money's on mille having never even heard of slashdot,
and you're of the 5 to Idiot age range so you post the
address to be funny.

I'm not laughing.

Re:One secret! (1)

w3woody (44457) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591568)

*sigh*

Not always. Some women dislike oral sex, as do some men.

Actually, conversation works better than sticking body parts into your mouth...

Re:what about this (1)

w3woody (44457) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591569)

My personal advise: try curtain number three. That is, try dating, but without the goal of landing multiple sex partners or a future wife. Just go out and get to know a few of the girls at your college.

The best strategy to finding a life partner, statistically speaking, is to date about a half-dozen to a dozen girls over the course of college (with a 'date' being as little as "hey, do you want to go out for a cup of coffee with me"), and when you find "the one", you have a good statistical likelihood that she is the optimal solution.

There will also be a statistical likelihood that there will be "the one who got away"--the one who was as good as the one who you marry, but who got away.

Yeah, there will be some room here to get yourself physically "satisfied". But just keep in mind that statistically speaking, married guys get more sex than single guys...

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

w3woody (44457) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591570)

Look: some of us may be well socialized. (I think I do pretty damn good in the social department myself.) But most of the computer geeks I know (along with the physics geeks and math geeks from my alma mater) aren't the best socialized group of geeks around.

Honestly, the most common question I've heard from my geek friends is not "how do I configure a NIC to work with my Compaq under RedHat" or "what do I watch out for when writing portable software using C" but "how do I get a girlfriend."

I don't need advise on how to cool my CPU after clock-chipping, but I don't begrudge the news article on /. which covered that topic.

Book Deal (1)

InsomniacsDream (60934) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591601)

This was a great post. It's nice to have a little personal stuff mixed in with all the tech stuff. A good balance. I think Rob should consider a BOOK DEAL. I know a lot of geeks who would appreciate it. I loved the computer analogies (HOWTO, Open Source, etc.)

I think some people missed the point though. This was not a "how to get laid" tutorial, but rather "how to have a MEANINGFUL long-lasting relationship". It's much more difficult to do the latter.

From my own experience I can attest that much of this advice is true. I have been happily-married for six years now, and I've been a geek the whole time, although not necessarily just with computers. I just recently graduated with my PhD in Applied Math from Northwestern, and it was no picnic. Sometimes I think the only thing that kept me sane was my "non-geek" wife.

It's eerie how much my own relationship mirrors what Rob described as a good match. The last thing in the world my wife cares to talk about is computers, but she respects my own passion for them. Also, she knows better than to disturb me when I'm in MY room, but when I come out, she's there waiting for me just the same (unless it's that time of the month. look out!). An old-fashioned girl is definitely the way to go. If she were any more liberated, we wouldn't have made it this far.

Re:I'm a geek girl, and I have problems with this (1)

InsomniacsDream (60934) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591602)

I prefer "fix some cookies and run a hot bath" myself ;)

I don't think he was excluding the group of "geek girls", just that USUALLY a "geek girl" might not be a good match for a "geek boy". In my case that is definitely true. That's not to say there aren't exceptions (like in your case), just statistically speaking. Maybe a "geek girl" would be good for a "suit(ironed t-shirt)-guy". Of course, it does always come down to each person's individuality.

The last thing my wife wants to talk about with me is computers, but I find that refreshing. When I'm brain-fried, I love to get my mind off my normal work and think about dumb things. I suppose there are people who never get brain-fried, but I'm not one of them.

OK, excuse me while I dumb-down a little so I can blend back into the mortal world (I have to wrap some presents for my niece's b-day party). There's no show like Jerry Springer ... there's no show like Jerry Springer. Kansas, here I come! Cheers.



Re:How to pick up on chicks, by roblimo. (1)

Nitrozac (67775) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591625)

I have to agree with Roblimo, I took it as a joke, not seriously at all. :) It was especially funny, how everyone got far more excited and exhuberant when the topic turned to MODEMS! :D

Flowers (1)

nuggz (69912) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591630)

You forgot flowers.
Yes they really do work
Don't use roses too quickly, but use fun flowers after a while, do it when she is having a rough day.

Watch out (1)

ben.b (71106) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591637)

I hope mentioning your wife's "imperfections" doesn't get you into serious trouble - I've head stories about that sort of thing - though I guess being a non-geek, she probably doesn't read Slashdot (Another plus for non-geeks: you can write about them on /.! :)

what a useless waste of a post. (1)

adrn (80678) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591661)

what the hell is this doing here? if i need some kind of help like this, i certainly will not come to slashdot! this is not what i come here for, besides the fact that it is poorly written and informs us of nothing insightful, not to mention how chauvinistic it is. please curb your useless "news" posts. if you really need to post some utter crap like this again, feel free to post it somewhere that is interested in crap like mTV [mtv.com] or seventeen.com [seventeen.com]. do not insult us again with this offensive tripe.

Re:Utterly utterly offensive (1)

Maul (83993) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591668)

Maybe Roblimo likes to have a "little wife" sitting around at home doing nothing, awaiting his return so that he can be served. Some of us actually want a person we can relate to, not someone who just cooks and cleans for us.

Is there something wrong with a geek girl who works on her own projects and posts on Slashdot? I think not. Roblimo's saying that we shouldn't go for girls who maybe as smart or smarter than us.

And I think most of us already knew not to expect to have the chicks in Playboy before reading Roblimo's happy little article. I don't think /. readers want to hang around the cheerleaders, etc. They aren't smart enough for our tastes.

But I guess we can't all be 1337 chix0r magnets like Roblimo...

Imitating Body Language -> Building Rapport -> NLP (1)

reason1024 (86298) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591677)

There's a book somewhere in the middle of my "being read" stack (many books get added to the top, few ever get removed) called =Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming= by O'Connor & Seymour.

The authors agree; they say that if you watch people talking who are receptive to each other, they share the same posture, gestures, and level of eye-contact. They also say that you can CREATE rapport by intentionally matching your conversation partner's state & style of communication.

Check out the book, it's pretty interesting. Is it mind control? MMMMMmmmmmmaybe....

--
"Doctor Steve was a loving, caring man who wanted only the best for me. And to control my mind." -Oasis

what about this (1)

NachMan16 (94758) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591700)

Well, I just got to college. Should i concentrate on fulfilling my physical desires (with girls of course), or should I go out looking for that semi-perfect girl? Too many girls here either appear too stuck up or slutty for me or not ones i'd like to spend the night with.

Re:Shouldn't be computer illiterate, though (1)

werd life (94886) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591701)

There is some truth in this... My last girlfriend REALLY DID GET JEALOUS if I spent too much time in front of the computer :) It was mostly due to me working on cs assignments though, and I did find it kind of cute and of course took time away from the monitor every once in a while to give her a few hugs/kisses/whatever to try and show her that i appreciated her coming over and studying in my room while I was working on the latest networks assignment or whatever...

This doesn't work... (1)

bero-rh (98815) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591717)

There's a bug in your HOWTO - it assumes you actually know people who might be interested and you can choose. ;)
There's no such thing as "free tours for female singles through the Red Hat development offices so we can talk to them"... ;)

Great article. (1)

bencc99 (100555) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591724)

True anough too. However, I think that most of us actually can get laid when we want too. No, really.

Interesting article! (1)

browser_war_pow (100778) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591725)

Very enlightening. My problem is that most people think there is something psychologically wrong with me because I am a geek stuck in the body of a jock. Many people who don't know me think that I play on my school's football team or something like that, but they act like I am the antichrist when they find out I don't really like sports. Another funny thing is that I haven't had a girlfriend since the summer before 10th grade, and I am a junior now. Oh well. Good article. I might mirror it on my site just to make sure that this gem doesn't get lost in /.'s archives.

Re:is this really "news"? (1)

Tau (106121) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591738)

Is the star wars stuff really news??? The fact that it would be found interesting by a lot of /.ers surely warrents this to be posted?

Re:This is kidding (1)

lilo (106287) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591741)

e need what are now called "old fashioned girls" who don't mind cooking our meals, rubbing our sore shoulders, and running our bath water for us. The only women who will do this are Christian, and you know about them. Yuck! Remember, you're pro-choice, you support the UN for peace, you voted for Clinton and now Gore, you care about education, the environment, and the children.
There are a lot of assumptions in your comments. Most of them need a reality check.

(1) All politics occurs in the United States. Most of your comments above have little to do with the rest of the world's politics, even if you shave off the serial numbers and pretend that a 'social democrat' in Europe is the 'same' as a 'liberal' in the U.S. With that in mind, I guess I had better address your fairly limited concerns, i.e., U.S. politics and relationships. 8)

(2) All geeks are stereotypical liberals. Uh, not so. There are lots of libertarians and anarchists and even right-wingers, both the religious and non-religious variety (eh, you didn't notice some right-wingers are not religious?).

(2) The female population is divided into right-wing Christians and left-wing feminists. Erm? If you're not listening to people's political beliefs because they are female, you might be having trouble getting second dates. There is as much variety in women's political viewpoints as men's. But see #1 above. ;)

(3) All left-wing women are feminists. This seems intuitive too, but the reality is hardly so simple and stereotypical. Plenty of women who believe in social justice stay home to raise their children. Ask around, somewhere outside of the boundaries of places like Bezerkeley. ;)

As a propertarian anarchist who is quite happily married to a libertarian with left-leanings who has a social conscience and is staying home to take care of our child, I can tell you that the world is not as simple a place as you think. ;) Oh, and neither of us is a Christian. ;)

HOWTO pick-up women, important links: (2)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591766)

(From a former lonely geek now banging chicks left and right):

Useful resources:

be yourself, dammit (2)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1591767)

This article sucks. It reminds me of my sex obsessed middle aged uncle who was always trying to give me advice about women when I was growing up. The sad thing is, I could see right through his one dimentional attitude towards women, and even at age 15 could understand why he was always searching, searching, searching and was never really happy (even though he was rich and got laid alot).

In the end, if you just be yourself and are respectful and kind to people you interact with you will eventually attract a person who matches your personality best. If you are a totally dorky nerd with no interpersonal skills, it will probably take a while, but it will happen. As usual, being true to yourself can be a lonely task if you are a "unique" person. But if you are patient, the payout is enormous.

So don't be manipulative or work too hard at "catching" a woman or try to change yourself, but on the other hand don't let your high IQ seduce you into becoming closeminded (know-it-all) or snide or dysfunctionally withdrawn from the world. Make an effort, but be true to yourself.

Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for ... if you remain true to them, your world will at last be built."

--- James Allen

Re:What about gay geeks? (2)

Roblimo (357) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591768)

I have no personal experience with gay relationships so I didn't get into them in this article, but from what gay friends tell me, things are pretty much the same. Just change the wording a little. Ditto for heterosexual female geeks. ;)

- Robin

Re:is this really "news"? (2)

Roblimo (357) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591769)

A Clue: this article is listed under our "It's funny. Laugh" topic. Sure, there's truth in it, but please try not to take it too seriously.

- Robin

Re:One secret! (2)

Skyshadow (508) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591772)

Are you kidding? Man, if you *really* want to keep a woman, be able to cook. Nothing impresses a woman so much as a guy who can whip up a decent meal on short notice.

----

Don't listen to him! (2)

pb (1020) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591773)

Waste time on geek girls and porn stars! Find yourself a geek girl pornstar! Asia Carrera, are you listening? :)

But seriously, my girlfriend is somewhat geeky, maybe not as bad as I am, but I like it when she knows what I'm talking about. Being geeky doesn't mean being competitive (I'm not), it doesn't mean being obsessed with computers (she's isn't really, unless you count computer games, but many non-geeky people share that flaw), and it doesn't mean being unable to communicate with people or being unable to express yourself.

Some of your advice is good, but I don't need a woman who will simply accept that I'm different, get in the kitchen, and make me some pie. I think that relationship would be missing something.
---
pb Reply rather than vaguely moderate me.

You are truly old school (2)

Scott (1049) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591774)

As in from the time long ago when men were manly and women were June Cleaver. That's just not going to work for me. I agree that you need to talk to them & ask questions just like they're one of your best friends, but your motives for doing so are quite gross.

From what you've said, it seems the only reason to be nice to a woman is on the outside chance she'll make your bed in the morning and let you see her bits once in awhile. That's a pretty messed up way of thinking. If I want a slave, I'll go hang out at the local S&M places.

As for your idea that she shouldn't be a geek, and probably shouldn't be involved in computers, that would present problems for me. Sure I don't live & breathe the things, but it sure would be nice to be able to sit around somewhere and be able to talk like a total nerdy luser and not have to explain everything.

Your theory might work in 1960, but it's not going to work most of the time these days, thank Bob.

dude (2)

kfort (1132) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591775)

this is like the coolest thing I have ever seen. I suspected most of this anyway, but roblimo is like the masta hacker pimp.

Bottom Line: Money (2)

heroine (1220) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591776)

All these points can be summarized as follows: you're the breadwinner. Women you fall in love with shouldn't be involved in the perils of the economy. They shouldn't be geeks. They shouldn't be interested in computers. Their jobs shouldn't be technically oriented. Every one of these points tell us something not to expect out of women that is pretty fundamental to the modern economy. The problem is that someone has to go out and battle the economy so if you want these humanity majors you'd better get used to being the provider.

Glad it had the "foot" icon anyway (2)

scrytch (9198) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591782)

One part dry humor, ten parts asinine, a hundred parts yawn. I'll probably be single for the rest of my life because I don't relate to people, but I'd rather be that than ... I don't have the words. The author ever thought of women as people? Oh wait, I guess he doesn't have to, because he's married now, and is guaranteed to have her for life.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAaaaaa

You're in for some bitter resentment down the line, boy.

Re:Utterly utterly offensive (2)

Stiletto (12066) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591787)

I wouldn't call it offensive.


Geek girls are incapable of being loving and considerate, and unloving and inconsiderate geek guys have to avoid that.

Doesn't apply to all of them, but many.

The ideal woman is one who selflessly meets your every needs. The proper role for the woman is that of handservant, who considers running your bathwater to be part of a "mutually beneficial" relationship.

Maybe not ideal for _you_, but this is what lots of guys are looking for.

One way to evaluate a woman is to take off her clothes and makeup.

That's one way.. there are others.

In bars, the females that are unattainable are called "women" while the ones that you are supposed to go after are called "girls".

I don't know what this means.

If a woman finds you unattractive, dump her as quickly as possible.

I agree...assuming she doesn't dump you first.

Grown breasts are worth waiting for.

Might be his personal preference.

Be nice to geeky looking girls, just in case they grow up and look good.

Advice to LIVE BY.

In spite of all of the above, imperfections are to be overlooked.

Nobody's perfect.

All women are looking for a man to fill the empty void in their lives.

Many are, and many men are looking for a woman to fill a void, so this statement is only partially true.

If you're not having any success, find someone like Roblimo, considers himself an expert at picking up chix and is ready to dispense a handful of advice because he has a pleasant and apparently subservient wife who meets his needs.

Advice can be taken or ignored. He didn't force you to accept his advice did he? I think some of his points were very realistic and can help out people who are shy or have problems with the opposite sex. You've done nothing but criticize.

Can we make this into a HOWTO? (2)

thegrommit (13025) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591788)

Or at least get the Mozilla team to add an about: link to it :)

Maybe time for a new poll - how many male /. readers have been out on more than two dates with the same woman?

He Obviously Missed Their Anniversary (2)

InitZero (14837) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591791)

Poor Rob. He missed a big date or something and Debbie is pissed. Quick! Use Slashdot to kiss up and make things right. He won't be sleeping in the doghouse tonight.

Lucky guy. I'd have to buy jewelry.

{grin}

InitZero

Re:is this really "news"? (2)

zuvembi (30889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591801)

I usually like Roblimo stuff but, umm... no. I actually found this sort of offensive. Some of us don't have any problem with women, and even if we did, probably wouldn't want to take advice from random editors on /. Contrary to popular myth, some computer people are actually well socialized people who enjoy the company of other people.

I don't mean to be offensive, but I think the thing that stroked me the wrong way was it had a patronizing tone to it. I know it was not meant/written that way, but it felt like it.

Ok, enough! (2)

Skynet (37427) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591804)

I'm getting really sick of this crap that all people with hi-tech IT jobs have to be loveless geeks with no social graces. It's simply not true.

It's been a consistent story on Wired and other news sources. Now I have Slashdot telling me how to pick up women?

Re:Utterly utterly offensive (2)

sumana (66640) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591814)

Thank you for a clearer sum-up of the clueless and/or offensive and/or sexist aspects of this particular article than I was able to provide.
By the way, the endless comparisons of women and computers/software were really asinine. Fancy box? Not open-source? Please.

Re:Utterly utterly offensive (2)

apocalypse_now (82372) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591817)

That was exactly what I was thinking. All this post -- and many of the comments -- proved is that geeks are just as fucking stupid as other guys are. Show women some respect, you bastards. They're human beings, just like you.
--
Matt Singerman

How long can I make this post..? (2)

Kitsune Sushi (87987) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591818)

And will I follow suit after Sig and dispense with my karmic powers..? Hmm. So, enough with the pointless rhetoric:

(warning: this post was inspired by Sig's request and done out of total boredom.. if you read this post, you do so at your own risk)

To be quite honest, I'm not looking for anything in the ``geek community''. That would be referred to as ``limiting my options''. I look for females in the general population of humanity. I know, it's scary, and difficult to narrow down, much less make a decision, but after a while your filters are pretty finely honed. ;)

First I should begin by saying that unlike some others, my first love is not hacking. It's creative thought. I do a lot of writing, though only when I feel moved to for some reason or another. With regards to song lyrics or poetry, it's only when I'm feeling especially emotional (my best stuff is rather depressing, but hey). I also like developing game worlds, characters, creatures, just about anything that has to do with the inner workings of an rpg. Naturally this is an extension of the fact that I used to like writing stories more than I do now. :)

That said, it is indeed a necessity that the person I am likely to want to spend a significant amount of life with would have to share a number of interests with me. It sort of has to be that way, or else you can't really relate to one another. However, those who really have no other interests besides programming are true computer geeks, and really need to get a life. And yeah, there's a big difference between hackers, programmers, and computer geeks. =P (for me, personally, I wouldn't want a programmer (or related term) because the other key topics of interest for me are more of a requirement, and if they were a programmer or whatever on top of that as well, we'd probably be too damn similar.. which is not so good.. disclaimer: this has never been tested in practice, only in theory)

I am most attracted to those women who take a great interest in creative things, such as writing, roleplaying (I can even deal with those who like to play Magic, even though I personally detect the game ;) -- especially White Wolf stuff, and anything else that involves being imaginative. I also happen to be extremely emotional, and have a rather off sense of humor. So another requirement is that the woman in question sort of has to grasp my sense of humor (which is exemplified by the fact that I've seen Army of Darkness between 500 and 1000 times, and am still not sick of it.. how I managed to find a woman who has done the same is really mind-boggling.. other good examples would be Squee! and JTHM by Jhonen Vasquez.. both are really good), and must be supportive, patient, and understanding.

And since my tastes are rather rarified, and I'm also rather sensitive, I have trouble dealing with women who are overly abrasive, or uncaring. I like nice, sweet girls. This is not to say that I mind profanity (who the fuck does? you can, however, get too vulgar at times.. I don't like to feel ill ;), or that I'm some sort of prim and proper type (actually, I prefer those who are rather daring, and am a classic example of a good number of ``counter culture'' values). Perhaps this part is too hard for me to explain?

However, while I disdain the thought of chasing after other hacker types, I must admit that anyone who is completely clueless with a computer is not likely to be someone I can relate to on a long-term basis. They don't have to be some sort of uber geek who sits around on the Internet for extended periods of time amassing huge collections of.. ok, screw that explanation. Point is, the girl should at least be familiar with a computer as a user. I don't care if they can program the damn thing, but.. you know. (after all, I spend a good deal of time with my computer, so I might be bothered by the idea of a complete and total lack of interest/cluefulness with regards to what I'm doing.. it's sort of boring to be excited about something you saw on the net and have no one to say anything about it to :)

First and foremost, however, I expect honesty. I'm almost unnaturally direct and honest about just about everything, and I don't take well to being lied to. Truth and honor.. things that are too often forgotten in this world of ours. Broken promises and out and out lies are the two most common reasons for me ditching a girl. ;)

To sum it up, intelligence and personality are the two key ``umbrella'' qualities. As long as the woman is ``cute'', it doesn't matter too much how attractive they are physically, because attractiveness is determined by their overall personality (which is not overshadowed by their appearance unless they are flat out repulsive.. this is an unfortunate fact.. I wish it weren't so, but the truth is there). Basically, I sort of need someone with whom I can actually talk to (``dumb'' girls (or guys, for that matter) simply aren't very intellectually stimulating, and a long term relationship.. it's just not there..), and who actually cares about me (duh).

Ok, screw it again. I'm tired of explaining this (you can tell I didn't write this in a linear fashion.. hee hee). I'll just sum up my general thoughts of the article with a couple of key points: You should find someone who appreciates you for who you are, and whom you appreciate for who they are. You find who you are meant for, you don't change others or yourself to suit the other. The puzzle fits together, or it doesn't. Plain and simple. Having around a half to 2/3 or even 3/4 the same common interests is ok. Having less or more.. probably bad. You want to be able to relate to one another and also be interested and intrigued in one another. You want to be with someone you can talk to, not someone with whom you feel like you're talking to yourself.

All in all, ``Roblammo'' brought up some good points, and a lot of poor ones. I won't bother going through the article line by line, however.. I just don't have the time and/or inclination. Ha! (I'm not even editing this post.. fear)

Ok, look, for all you lamers.. (2)

Kitsune Sushi (87987) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591819)

..see that second sentence next to "News for Nerds"? The one that says, yeah, "Stuff that Matters"? You'll note that this doesn't say "Stuff that Matters to", say, "Kitsune Sushi". I may not care about half or more of the "crap" that gets posted to Slashdot. It matters to someone, though, or else it wouldn't have gotten posted. Not everything on this site is news. Or do you think Ask Slashdot is all about the latest uber geek news? heh.

heh. (2)

Kitsune Sushi (87987) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591820)

I would like to remind everyone that there is no universal answer for finding Mr. or Ms. Perfect. Even though geeks at large are a homogenious group, there can be no easy answer.

"Homogenius": a deft play on words, or a spelling error in desperate need of correction? You be the judge.

Seriously, though, I have to disagree that geeks as a group compare to a certain kind of milk. =P It all depends on the chemistry of your personality, really. I, for example, enjoy all sorts of creative thought, love to write (poetry, prose, song lyrics, whatever), roleplay, drool for long periods of time while playing around on the net (er.. oops.. didn't mean to add that one), etc. I would probably think myself to be in some sort of hell if I fell in love with someone else interested in programming, but brilliant, creative women.. That I can relate to.. and enjoy doing so.

Do you want somebody who's witty, charming? Or just looks good?

I'd like to assert that if you're looking for someone who just looks good, getting into a relationship with that person is a bad idea. After all, if you're only interested in the material, and that feeling is probably being reciprocated (or else the girl/guy is a sucker), then you probably don't want to be mutually exclusive. =P

Be realistic too - like shopping for your next computer you can't get all the peripherals and addons you'd like.. so keep in mind what you really need, and what "would be nice". Everybody wants Cindy Crawford with all the addons and a 180 IQ...

They do..? *falls out of his chair, woozy, starting to look a little ill..* Personally, I don't need nor want a rocket scientist, and so long as the girl is "cute", I'm not likely to obsess over aesthetics. After all, I'm looking for personality, not just.. well, heh. The thing I find most distasteful about looking for dates in the real world is you're obviously going to be drawn to who you find the most attractive, which is rather unlikely to be the person who's personality you're going to find the most agreeable, compatible, attractive, etc.

Just a reality check for all of you out there. I'd like to hear what both sexes are looking for in the geek community... I suspect the answers will suprise both sides.

Your wish.. is my command.. This could take a while, however, so I'm not going to include it in this comment. ;)

Shouldn't be computer illiterate, though (2)

CvD (94050) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591821)

I applaud this article, however,
There is a danger in having a girlfriend who knows next to nothing about computers: they don't understand why you need to spend so much time behind the monitor. They feel a little alienated and somehow as if the computer deserves more attention than them. The author says that you should look for a woman that is willing to accept that you spend these long periods of time, but I can tell you that those are far and few in between.

Also, if they don't know/care, it can be difficult for them to understand your world. And who ever said that other coders (your girlfriend in this case) are your competitors. I don't consider my other geek friends my competitors... Of course, it's true that she'd be likely to be busy with her own things, and there'd be even less time toghether.

Still, I agree with a lot of things in this article. Looks aren't everything, and I'd rather have someone who I could have an intelligent conversation with than some girl that is only beautiful.

Cheers!

Women more complex than even sendmail ? (2)

bug1 (96678) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591822)

As a generalisation women may be more complex, but if you get into specifics, i hear sendmail is pretty complex....
Too scary for me to go near

Don't think so... (2)

Mendax Veritas (100454) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591826)

They also like honest compliments, so if you touch the back of her hand and it makes you feel all warm inside, go ahead and say, "Touching the back of your hand makes me feel all warm inside."

I'm having difficulty imagining a woman who would feel comfortable hearing something like that from a man she wasn't already seriously involved with. If you say something like this to a woman you've just met, she'll probably either be seriously creeped out or she'll assume it's a lame pick-up line.

I doubt Roblimo's article is really going to help anyone do better with women. You don't improve your social skills by reading about them. You just have to get out there and relate to real people and learn from your experiences.

this is sickening (2)

cd_smith (106365) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591827)

Hey, I have nothing but respect for everyone that writes for /. but this article is just sick and wrong. I suppose it's good advice if your goal in life is to get laid on a regular basis. I thought most /. readers were above that. My advice to /. readers: rewarding, fulfilling relationships are much easier if you: * Don't make sex your goal * Don't objectify the people you have relationships with * Don't think of it as "dating"

Women. (3)

Signal 11 (7608) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591832)

I would like to remind everyone that there is no universal answer for finding Mr. or Ms. Perfect. Even though geeks at large are a homogenious group, there can be no easy answer. Best advice I, and likely anyone, can offer you is to ask yourself what you're looking for in a relationship, and then set out to find someone that meets your expectations. Do you want somebody who's witty, charming? Or just looks good? Be realistic too - like shopping for your next computer you can't get all the peripherals and addons you'd like.. so keep in mind what you really need, and what "would be nice". Everybody wants Cindy Crawford with all the addons and a 180 IQ...

Just a reality check for all of you out there. I'd like to hear what both sexes are looking for in the geek community... I suspect the answers will suprise both sides.

--

Women? Hah. (3)

the_tsi (19767) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591835)

Yeah, like most geeks know what they're looking for in a relationship? They may think that they want someone who's obsessed with computers, star wars, RPGs, but how interesting is a relationship like that going to be? And how many of them are going to come to that realization before they realize "wow, this chick slept with me, I think I'll marry her"?

Or, how many get crushes (on that goth girl at the next table at lunch (and convince themselves that's a perfect person since they have so much to talk about that's different and so much to share), and end up dating them for several months only to come to the realization that there's not a single thing holding the relationship together than "gee, this girl and I have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together, since we live in completely different worlds."

Geeks DON'T know what they want in a relationship, which is why most of their relationships blow chunks (or never even get started, for that matter). And a guide on "How To Be a Normal Human Being 101 by Roblimo, Master of Suaveness" isn't going to help them get to grips with the fact that the REAL secret to successful relationships is to:

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET OUT THERE AND START TALKING TO PEOPLE.

Things will happen from there. If you're in high school, sign up for clubs besides Math Team, Quiz Bowl, and the Honor Society. Join a sport (track is always recruiting), or the theatre group (and don't just be a techie, TRY out for a part, for Pete's sake), or anything artsy. If you're in college, go to meetings besides the comic/sci-fi/fantasy club. While Killer and Magic: The Gathering may be a great game to play on weekends, there are much more fun ways to be spending your time that involve the Real World.

-Chris

Debbie's advise for lonely Geeks! (3)

Nitrozac (67775) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591839)

I think it would be great to hear Debbie's story about why she picked you, and why geeks are great partners. Perhaps she could write an addition to this story giving geek guys and girls some insight?

btw, Debbie is always welcome in #aftery2k :)

Re:is this really "news"? (3)

PRSmith (106363) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591841)

Well, I don't think it was patronizing. Unnecessary perhaps. The issues aren't a cultural anomoly in geekdom.... It's systemic. I don't think his article meant to challenge whether or not geeks were doable on the carnal adventure scale, but rather to point out (and thus reduce needless suffering) that the geek profile for wanting "geek girls" hurts you culturally as a defined social group of men. ..because you miss out, probably because ultimately you tend to declassify non-geek fielded female intellectuals as being less or silly or ___... you fill in the blanks. I like the concept of not being able to change source code... and just live with it. Okay, so he could have said... "Guys, quite you're whining... moaning and quite wasting your non-work lives on mainlining your computer 24/7... there be women in those trees, and a whole lot more fun than computers (no, say it isn't so!) in their own different ways.... Let it feel some way knew, and pleasurable. Signed, Phoenix : Female,artist/writer and recovering from two ex-geek husbands (guys of some note and coding fame!)

Utterly utterly offensive (5)

Tony Shepps (333) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591848)

Let's sum up:
  • Geek girls are incapable of being loving and considerate, and unloving and inconsiderate geek guys have to avoid that.
  • The ideal woman is one who selflessly meets your every needs.
  • The proper role for the woman is that of handservant, who considers running your bathwater to be part of a "mutually beneficial" relationship.
  • One way to evaluate a woman is to take off her clothes and makeup.
  • In bars, the females that are unattainable are called "women" while the ones that you are supposed to go after are called "girls".
  • If a woman finds you unattractive, dump her as quickly as possible.
  • Grown breasts are worth waiting for.
  • Be nice to geeky looking girls, just in case they grow up and look good.
  • In spite of all of the above, imperfections are to be overlooked.
  • All women are looking for a man to fill the empty void in their lives.
  • If you're not having any success, find someone like Roblimo, considers himself an expert at picking up chix and is ready to dispense a handful of advice because he has a pleasant and apparently subservient wife who meets his needs.

Disagree Completely (5)

Skyshadow (508) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591849)

We need what are now called "old fashioned girls" who don't mind cooking our meals, rubbing our sore shoulders, and running our bath water for us. There are plenty of these women out there. They're as eager to find you as you are to find them. The trick is sorting through the 6 billion people on this planet to find the woman who is right for you instead of wasting your time on women with whom you cannot possibly build a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.

Got to disagree with you there, Roblimo. I'll disclaim by stating that everybody has different tastes in what they're looking for in a SO, but here's my take on this one:

Find someone who can and will drag your ass out of your chair every so often. Find someone who you feel is on par with you - they don't have to know computers, but they'd better be able to hold the line in a decent discussion without all of this "well, I'm sure you know best" crap that some people seem to be stuck with (my experience is with women, but I know guys who are like this).

IMHO, the best lover and companion isn't someone who caters after you 24/7. It should be a tit-for-tat type deal; I wash, you dry. Hell, some of the best relationship moments I've had have even revolved around disagreements -- remember, competition is a Good Thing(tm). If she just lets you win all the time, you'll get soft. Of course, the caveat to this is that you both always have to know that, in the final analysis, you're always on the other person's side before anyone elses.

It's sappy, but the best example I can think of for this sort of relationship is from "Mad About You", that series with Helen Hunt and Paul Riser. Love each other, support each other, but most important: be one another's best friend.

----

Clueless high-school guys, listen! (5)

HoserHead (599) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591850)

I'm still in highschool, though in my last year, and in the past two months I've met a girl that makes me happier than I've ever been - she's understanding, she's caring, and moreover, she likes me!

But there's a trick to "getting girls to like you." It's not a magic potion or a pick-up line - nothing will make a girl like you. (It has to come from the heart.) But a girl can discover that they like you by getting to know you - and here's the tricky part. Be friends with girls first!

It's hard for a lot of guys, particularly guys (like me) who've, in the past, only ever struck out. But if you see a girl you like, and you want to give a relationship a chance at being real, you can't rush it. Strike up a conversation, spend time with her - and don't rush anything! Believe me, you can wait. You've done it in the past, haven't you?

The simple fact is, you wouldn't want to be intimately involved (and no, I'm not just referring to sex) with someone who you wouldn't want to be at least friends with. A relationship is about communication and openness, and those require trust - and you have to develop trust over time. Be friends with girls; not only will you gain knowledge about the way an extra X chromosome makes a human's mind work, but you might just find that people do, in fact, like you for who you are. It's not so big a jump from "She's my friend" to "She's my girlfriend," after all.

I'm a geek girl, and I have problems with this (5)

sumana (66640) | more than 14 years ago | (#1591852)

Okay, much of the advice is good. Be straightforward. Don't try to be something you're not. Don't be a jerk, even if you're interacting with a dork. Be careful about looking for (a) a mirror image of yourself or (2) the Human Barbie or (iii) trying to make her into something she's not, i.e., changing her instead of appreciating how she is.

But I have problems when "Uncle Robin" excludes entire female populations from consideration. When he says, no geek girls, and don't think too much about the really pretty ones either, isn't he going against the whole idea of considering people on their own merits, as opposed to group affiliation? Granted, "pretty" girls who spend a lot of time on their outsides sometimes, maybe often, have rotten insides. But how is it that a geek girl "competes" in an unhealthful way? Don't you want someone who can UNDERSTAND when you're talking about a problem at the office/boxen/latest Linux convention? Or would you rather have a very nice girl, who is clueless when it comes to what you DO 80 hours a week, fix you some cookies and run a nice hot bath?

I mean, come ON. I'm a (pseudo)geek girl. I have a geek man. We get along famously. If anything, I'm MORE accepting of his computer obssession because I share some of it. A woman who doesn't Get It may not Get You.

Just, all I'm saying is, don't just banish us from consideration with a flick of the finger because we're too much like you, or might compete for...for what?

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