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Online Romance - For Good or Evil?

Cliff posted more than 14 years ago | from the your-mileage-may-vary dept. 527

Kitsune Sushi submitted this hot potato: "There have been a few discussions the past few weeks on Slashdot regarding female geeks (probably set into motion at least in part by that Linux Chix article), most of which have been cluttered by a number of "interesting" comments by various males. :) One post that struck me in particular suggested that many male geeks have a hard time finding a romantic interest because their female counterparts are often found in the same place they are: behind their computer monitors. This sort of begs the question: where do most geeks (male or female) most often find their potential partner(s)? Online? Off? Chat rooms? Matchmaker services? University? LUGs? Hmm.. Slashdot..?" What are your experiences with online romances?

"As this notion has so thoroughly sparked my curiosity concerning the subject, any comments on where anyone has looked or what they have tried (and whether or not they have been successful as of yet) would be most welcome. It would certainly be interesting to note whether or not most Slashdotters spend most of their time on a computer, and exactly what seems to "work" for certain people with regards to romance. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this conversation would be the following question: Has anyone ever met someone online and then moved to wherever they lived so the two of you could be involved in an actual relationship, and did it end up working out for the better?"

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It Can Work (1)

OtakuMan (27083) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554887)

I Know that for me, they have worked. And I have meet many great friends, and finally someone who is more than a friend :D

I Love my Mandy :D

Online relationships (1)

PCDoctor (48778) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554888)

I ended up marrying my online romance - we met when the internet was still text - HTML what's that? on actually. I'm not on there anymore but it was interesting - long distance and computer. Phone bills were still high though :(

Okay, you're pathetic. (0)

joedoe (12577) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554889)

Yea, flamebait!

This is really pitiful. Go out on a "date"; try interacting with someone in the "real world". You'll find it easier than you may expect. Really. You should try it sometime.

I married a geek! (1)

fence (70444) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554890)

I married a geek last January. She is a database wizard and a perl goddess, and we met on the jobsite.

It was truly a whirlwind romance, with her showing me how to implement of arrays of hashes and the like.

Good luck to all of the single geeks out there--there is someone waiting for you!


Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554891)

Hello friends. Don't date girls or have sex with them or any nasty stuff like that. TURN THEM TO STONE instead, it's much more fun, especially if you're a petriphile (i.e. person with a petrification fetish)


How it worked for me (1)

toast0 (63707) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554892)

Well I met this one guy in a chat room, and i was always bitching about not having a gf, and then one day my isp ( suspended my shell account, and i needed one, so he gave me one on his school's student run linux box.

on login it displayed the names of a few new admins, one of which was female, so i asked him about her, and she happened to live not 5 miles from my house, and spring break was coming.

so he (and his gf) hooked us up, and beyond that i won't go into details, other than saying she and i are still together, and i hope we will stay that way.

Happily Married (3)

gmhowell (26755) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554893)

Angie and I started talking on the Trek forum on
Delphi. I subscribed to them because they were the
only people around at the time who offered no charge internet e mail. I think C$ charged 20 cents a piece or so.

Anyway, we met FTF, dated for a year, broke up for a while, dated for a while, broke up for a year, got back together, and got married on September 25, 1999. Six weeks.

Neither of us would do it again, but... We did get to talk A LOT before spent a great deal of time in each other's physical presence. That helped. It also helped both of us to be online, as we are both a bit shy in public.

I could go on for hours, but basically, it worked, was no harder (or easier) than meeting someone in real life, and it isn't something we'd recommend.


Here's my question... (3)

Hiro_Protaganist (87503) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554894)

Why was this posted at 8:14 on a Saturday night? Did you know you could get a good response from all of us non date enabled supergeeks :)

Sometimes, when I'm feelin' bored, I like to take a necrotic equine and assault it physically.

UF (2)

Signal 11 (7608) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554895)

Atleast one couple was married online on the Userfriendly list ( / subscribe userfriendly in the body). It works. There's plenty of HNGs (horney net geeks) out there to make it possible. I wouldn't however, recommend taking anything very seriously until you meet them IRL (duh).


Not really online... (1)

elfbabe (99631) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554896)

But I did meet one boyfriend at a summer academic camp for gifted high schoolers. Despite meeting in person, it turned into a long-distance relationship immediately - 3&1/2 hours by car is much, much more difficult to overcome if you have to ask your parents to drive you.

In general, I'd say that online relationships are most definitely worth it if you don't restrict yourself to them. If you're leading a fairly normal (by non-nerd standards) life and happen to fall in love online, I doubt there'd be a problem with it. But if your life consists of staying in the basement and hitting on anyone of your preferred gender in the AOL chat rooms, I doubt anything's going to work out. (And if you're the type of person who sits in the house and hits on people in AOL chat, I hope you don't reproduce.)


Re:It almost worked (0)

been (97146) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554897)

Will you Merry Me??? PLEASE!?!?!?!?!

It Pays to Advertise (1)

Royster (16042) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554898)

I met my wife through a personals ad. Her ad was specific in what she wanted and I fit (except for height -- she is 5'11" and I am 5'5").

She's not a geek, but she uses Linux and dosn't complain to me when her friends give her Windows-centric advise.

I think I'll keep her.

Real Life (1)

ARRAY(0x0) (83136) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554899)

Nothing beats real life. I met my wife at work.

Why women? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554900)

I gave up on women and instead molest the various pets and livestock I keep around. Get up in the morning and stroke my cock and pull a few eggs out from under the chicken next to him and then wander out into the barnyard and bang the beef as I milk the cow next to him and then I'm all ready for breakfast.


Re:I married a geek! (1)

OtakuMan (27083) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554901)

But, One thing is, someone you meet online, doesnt have to be a Geek. My GF isn't a geek at all, which makes life difficult actually, I have learned more about being myself, and not thinking about computers constantly, cause she doesnt care about what new thing I learned today. She will listen, but won't understand. But I've learned to live with that :D and accept it!

Online Romance (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554902)

I met my wife on a MUD. I never took it too seriously until we met in RL though.

I'm rubber, you're glue...yadda yadda yadda (1)

Mononoke (88668) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554903)

That is the real world on the other end of that wire.

Who do you think you're interacting with now, an AI?

FWIW, I met my partner online on a local BBS chat room. So far, the relationship's lasted 50 times longer than any previous relationship of mine.

Re:It almost worked (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554904)

Well, maybe we could hook up. Where are you from?

Didn't work (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554905)

i had two (and a half) such experience, didn't work.
it's sorta like remote relationship only worse communication.

Re:Here's my question... (1)

elfbabe (99631) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554906)

Nah...couldn't be. After all, I'm sure a whole lot of dateless geeks are out playing Magic: The Gathering or AD&D tonight. :-)

*looks around furtively*
But, uh, I have a good reason to be home and checking /.! Really!


Aditional Info (1)

toast0 (63707) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554907)

she does go to school accross the country from me, so a large portion of the year it is a long distance relationship via the net

IRC (and other forms of online chat) and people (1)

Hardware_Bob (31326) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554908)

I met my girlfriend about 2 years ago on IRC. It wasn't one of those "online romances", although we do email each other quite often, I met her online, and we started "romancing" irl.
I have met many great people online and know many other people who have met their gf/bf online. I have also recieved a number of employment opportunities from IRC.
The problem is, some people deliberately set out to go online and "pick up". If you just look for some nice people and a good chat, you're in fact much more likely to "pick up". Just choose a smallish server and join channels that interest you (such as #linux :)
An unfortunate side affect is that the wider community has no real idea about IRC, online chat, online community and all the rest of it, so saying "we met through the internet" is often met by a shocked/rude/strange reaction, but that's just life I guess.


Why romance? (1)

MikeFM (12491) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554909)

I always thought people who specificly search for a romantic interest either online or in real life are limiting themselfs. Make a lot of friends, get to know them well, and enjoy life. Let the rest happen on it's own.

Don't go there... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554910)

Becoming emotionally involved with someone on the other side of the Net, wholly dependent on email, IRC and such for any sort of interaction, will lead only to pain. Sooner or later it will fall apart, and someone will get hurt.

Take it from one who knows.

It works, but don't push it! (3)

turnerjh (271) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554911)

Online relationships can work. Some people find a lot of happiness through them.


Having a lot of mud experience, I can say with certainty that there are a LOT of idiotic children out there who treat members of the opposite sex with incredible rudeness. How many women out there use male names in public forums to avoid unwanted attention?

Don't go sending obscene messages, ICQs, mudtells, or whatever to ANYONE. If you're interested in someone, propositioning them for cybersex just isn't going to get you anywhere except a long term relationship with spanky and his five friends.

Treat ladies with respect. Don't say or do anything you wouldn't do in real life in person in front of them. Behave. Treat them with respect, kindness, and understanding. Most of all, just be yourself. No one ever had a succesful longterm relationship pretending to be someone they're not.


Re:Here's my question... (1)

Hiro_Protaganist (87503) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554912)

*gasp* My post was answered by a girl!! That's almost like a date! :)

I have a great reason for being home...I'm installing Linux for the first time! Yah!

Sometimes, when I'm feelin' bored, I like to take a necrotic equine and assault it physically.

Shocked!!! (1)

MikeFM (12491) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554913)

I find it funny that people have this odd sense that anyone you meet online is a pervert or otherwise disturbed. This is most funny coming from people who themselfs are online. I meet almost all my new friends online and find it much better for getting to know people before judging them superfically but I still hear gasps from some people I know because of the fact.

Just my thoughts (1)

Ater (87170) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554914)

Allthough I am only 16, and admitedly have no experience in either real or online romances, I have to question the chances of any online love affair.

The first major problem lies in distance. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to find someone within your city or state, but chances are, you'll end up with someone who lives a considerable distance away. This usually is less of a problem when the two are adults (not teens or college students), but still the large costs in both money, time, and effort required to see the person may be overly taxing. Also, it brings up the issue of trust. You make take a distant relationship seriously, but should a nearby, real-life alternative come up, I doubt you'd have as much concern in remaining faithful to an online partner. They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but I think such a cliche proves itself wrong in this case.

The second issue is that the person may be highly different in "real" life. I know I tend be a lot more confident, in-your-face, and open in online situations... as opposed to my shy, timid real life nature. I can imagine the same is true for a lot of computer geeks. And this could present a problem should you meet your "partner" and find them to be a lot different in a face-to-face situation. The whole attraction might not be as strong in person. It reminds me of personal ads, where people may say a lot of things through a closed scene, but vary greatly in real life.

Which brings to mind another potential problem: phsyical appearence. I know it seems shallow, but looks have a lot to do with attraction. Most people have pics or quickcam's, but still I bet a fair share of online lovers who do meet are somewhat disappointed with each other's looks.

Maybe I'm pessmistic, and maybe it's my romantic inexperience talking, but I don't feel like online romances can really suceed. Granted, I've heard a few exceptions, including here on Slashdot, but I remain skeptical. Btw, if you did have an online romance turn into a sucessful real life one, would you mind telling me how you dealt with the issues I listed... I'm always interested in learning

Too complex an issue... (1)

J.J. (27067) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554915)

...for on-line discussion. Yes, we can get some good, solid answers on Slashdot, but a there are too many factors that play into an equation like this to generate a solid, definite answer in this type of forum.

First, let me talk about myself personally. There are simply too many little things that I'm looking for in a girl. Most of these can't be determined in an on-line enviroment.

(My first-date test? I unlock the passenger door for her. If she leans over and unlocks my door, that's a Good Thing. Otherwise, well... it's generally been downhill from there.) I'm looking for little idiosyncracies in personality, little twists in taste, and other little details. Yes, they're little things, but I've been around the block enough to know what is important to me. These little things are what is important. And I've never been able to "see" these things in an on-line enviroment.

However, other people may not have their ideas so well-defined. Being able to come home at night and actually talk to your SO about the problems and issues you encountered at work that day may be a very large issue. Having your SO be a "geek" might be a very important factor for some. I can certainly understand this - I've got a couple (good-looking) friends who are computer fiends. It's certainly a refreshing things when they rebute you in a "discussion" about some issue. I really do enjoy being with these girls, because I can be myself and talk about computer topics without fear of being dubbed a "computer dork". But - they're not for me.

There is no simple yes or no answer to this kind of question. The answer to on-line romance depends upon what you're looking for, and who you are. The unfortunate part is that a lot of us don't know ourselves well enough to be able to clearly see what we want out of a relationship. I consider myself lucky because I do. It took some time, but with that time, things became gradually clearer. The only unfortunate part is the wait for that little woman to appear.


s/jobs/personals/ (2)

at0m (56249) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554916)

Why doesn't /. can change that "jobs" section on their site to a "personals" section? :)

"Then I'll tell the truth. We're allowed to do that in emergencies."

Re:IRC (and other forms of online chat) and people (1)

Siva (6132) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554917)

i met my gf over 3 years ago on irc, but it wasnt in a geek oriented channel (it was #friendly on newnet, just a general chat channel). i was in rhode island and she was in alabama. the long distance thing was tough (one month my phone bill was over $300). but i dragged her up here and we are currently happily engaged! :)

one thing i can say about chatrooms and whatnot is that i find myself less shy when i dont have to worry about talking to someone face to face. id never actually worked up the courage to ask someone out in person, but it was easier to get to know her from the comfort of my room. plus, i didnt have to worry about not "looking good" or whatever...when we finally exchanged pictures we were both in love so images didnt much matter (though my girl is beautiful =).

she is a geek though, of biology. she was fairly net savvy when i met her and over the past three years ive trained her pretty well. she was running linux up till recently (she needs to run quickbooks now for her business) and shes getting pretty good at quake. what else does a geek guy need??! (ok, perl cgi is next on the list...woot!)

just goes to show sometimes good things happen on the net...


Keyboard not found.

girl geek experiences (1)

enigmaniac (105542) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554918)

Although i do spend way too much time on the computer (I'm going out later this evening. Really!) my significant others have been people i met first in real life. Although one i only really got to know through IRC chatting, and my geek girl roomate met her first boyfriend on a BBS.

I'd say that the internet is great for flirting and getting to know people (without all those pesky real life inhibitions!) but its better to base any serious relationship at least as much on real-life encounters. Like programming together, or studying math with a "reward system" :)

Happily involved (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554919)

Guess I'd be the geek chick in this case.. Met my programming, linux-loving, computer-obsessed man on an Online Game (no not UO/EQ;) We got together in the real world.. and have been living with one another, engaged for 11 months now...
Yep, it can work :)


Re:Okay, you're pathetic. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554920)

Go out on a "date"; try interacting with someone in the "real world".

...he says as he posts to /. on a Saturday night

Can you guess my number!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554921)

Any woman who dials 817-4998 and leaves me a page and proclaims themself a geek can get a fabulous dinner of pizza and soft drinks on me! All you have to do is guess the area code. Daring enough to page a stranger in your area code on the off chance of a cheap meal? I feel I should have theme music and a cheesy announcer at this point in the game.

Happily married too ;) (1)

MarcoAtWork (28889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554922)

Actually I found my wife thanks to cyberfriends, I was still living in Italy at the time, after 5-6 months of huge phone bills and long, long emails, we decided to get together for a vacation of 3 weeks.

Of course, after she arrived, we kept moving the return date, and did so until her ticket was going to run out, which made it 4 months ;)

I was supposed to remain in Italy until after my M.Sc. graduation, but I couldn't take it and followed her to Canada two weeks after, with my computer (tower case, LOL) in the suitcase, needless to say it took quite a while to get cleared through customs ;)

I finished the thesis, and went back to Italy to graduate, and came back again to Canada two weeks after (we kept in touch via email as usual) and got married on Valentine's day 1998, a little bit more than a year after we met online.

It's funny to remember that for several weeks I actually thought that she was a guy pretending to be a girl just to have some fun ;)

It's also funny to see that despite being labeled as geek for so many years, I was the first one among my friends to get married :)

My personal experiences (1)

Serk (17156) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554923)

In my personal experiences, meeting someone online can turn out (And for me has) either bad or good, just as meeting them in the real world can. My ex-girlfriend and I met on IRC, on a channel dedicated to the city we live in. We talked on there for several months, became friends, met at a few channel get-togethers, and than started going out together without the get together as an excuse. That relationship lasted about a year, and went pretty well. The breakup was a polite one, we are still friends. (The good news is, that one was my bad experience. =) As far as good goes, I met my current fiance on IRC as well, she had just left my town and moved to Chicago, and was feeling homesick, so she was hanging out in the local IRC channel. We became friends, and got to know each other much better through LONG chats via ICQ. After several plane trips for her from Chicago back to here (Dallas, if you're curious, btw) she decided to move back here.
We are now happily 'living in sin', engaged to be married, and trying to decide on a date (12:01 AM January 1st anyone? =)
I guess, to sum it up, 'dating' online is really no different than dating in 'real life'. You'll get some winners, you'll find some losers. Eventually, as they always say, you'll find someone who is right for you.
Oh, and one more thing, don't go LOOKING for someone. That is the best way to assure you'll never find them. Just be friends to people, in general. Be a nice person, and the person who can make you happy will pick up on this, and want to be more than a friend to you eventually. (If that makes any sense.)

Do you mind? (1)

The Apocalyptic Lawn (2350) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554924)

Sure hope I didn't just post a comment without a body. Something went wrong. Whatever.

The deal is, I do spend _most_of my time behind the Monitor but certainly not _all_ if it. In fact, I just came back from a party (sober - yeah right) to find this article on /. So geeks spend their time away avoiding other people IRL? B(MF)S.

da Lawn

Keep looking, they are out there. (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554925)

Many people will probably consider the parent to this post to be flamebait. However, it does broach an important sub-topic.

If you haven't found a girl who meets your sexual needs, then perhaps you need to keep looking, or need some more patience. They are out there. You'd be surprised what many girls will do, if you believe in open, honest sexual communication. If your partner is unable to open up and communicate, then I suggest you move on -- you'll have more than sexual problems in your relationship.

Don't expect complete sexual openness on a first date. Sexual intimacy is something that grows with time. Particularly in the US, you'll find that many sexual topics are needlessly taboo, and take some time to broach and explore with a would-be partner. Take it slow, and open up only as fast as both you and your partner can handle it.

The point, though, is to open up. I'm not saying you should walk up to a girl and say "Hey baby, wanna do me up the butt?" I suspect that'd earn you nothing more than a dirty look and a slap, even if you had a healthy gulp of Austin Powers' mojo beforehand. Rather, take the time to find out what each other is interested in, and explore each other's boundaries little by little. You'll have plenty of time to play together if you spend the time to build a strong foundation.

--Anonymous, since there are alot of people who are offended by open, honest sexual communication.

How old are you? (1)

FIGJAM (29275) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554926)

Personally, I think this type of issue is pretty sad. We are'nt 13 yo's (I assume not :P). Go out and meet people. Party, have a drink or 20, make a fool of urself, who cares. Start becoming more sociable and go out as often as you can. Sitting infront of an Xray machine all day and night gets some work done but you become boring. Take a look at yourself and ask urself "Am I boring?"

You probably are if you cannot socialize. Life is not about coding. The meaning of life is to simply make it enjoyable coz u dont live long.

Especially when ur young, you need to make the most of life while you can. Live like there is no tomorrow. Party up, have fun and you will meet people. You can't pickup any1 without meeting ppl.

How do you do that? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554927)

Is it an AC secret?

Mars & Venus (1)

mapletree (85582) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554928)

(My first-date test? I unlock the passenger door for her. If she leans over and unlocks my door, that's a Good Thing. Otherwise, well... it's generally been downhill from there.)

too funny. Did you know that 'Mars & Venus on a date' specifically tells the woman NOT to lean over and unlock the driver-side door for the man on a first date? Of course, you may not be wanting to date the kind of person reading those books anyhow....

Re:Here's my question... (1)

elfbabe (99631) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554929)

I have a great reason for being home...I'm installing Linux for the first time! Yah!

You know, my first thought when I saw that was, "Hey! That's a good reason!" I'm going to get Linux installed in a couple months... Ok, so one of my friends is going to install it for me at my New Year's party - is that so pathetic??
Yes. It is.

Another comment so this doesn't get TOO offtopic - looking for a SO online doesn't guarantee that they won't be weirded out by your computer obsession when they find out, but at least it doesn't decrease your options quite as much when they tell all their friends.


The geek life can be lonely... (5)

otis wildflower (4889) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554930)

... And it's hard to break out of a lifetime's habits of shyness and discomfort around the opposite sex. I don't know why it's like that: when I hang around guys (and female friends) we can joke about and have a good time, but women seem (to me at least) to be fragile, where I have to mind my tongue and where everything I say or do is being evaluated. Paranoia? Most probably. I doubt it's out of fear anymore, more likely it's out of habit. I just have this feeling that I'm quite possibly one of the most peculiar people I've ever met, and have such a wide and varied range of tastes that I'm sure I'd offend any potential SO in one way or another (and have seemed to do so reliably since High School).. I also seem to attract psychos, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. How about the young lady whom I met at a local tavern who gave me her email address, then after I sent a message, started sending me naked pictures of herself? So, I asked for a date or two and never heard from her again.. Or the gal whom I met in engineering class and would talk with and study with (oh boy, a nerd-girl, imagine my luck!) for months, lunching occasionally, then when I called to ask her out, her boyfriend picked up while he was cooking breakfast (either that or her ass was made of bacon because there was sizzling swine on the other end of that line).. Now am I the bad guy here? Am I reading too much into our lunchtime socializing? I wear deodorant and shower daily, I chew with my mouth closed, I wear clothes that are largely free of holes or stains and tend to be reasonably presentable (if monochromatic).. Am I screwing up the translation of the signals (or lack thereof)? WHERE CAN I FIND THE DOCUMENTATION ON THESE CURSED 'SIGNALS' I KEEP HEARING ABOUT? WHERE'S THE MAN PAGE? WHERE'S THE RFC? WHERE'S THE FAQ??? I'M TRYING TO RTFM!!!! It's enough to put a boy off entirely, and that isn't nearly the start of my pathetic dating career...

Online? I used to do that in college (on vaxen oh so many years ago ;) but it never really seemed particularly fulfilling when it was good, and when it was bad it was so sordid as to throw me off quite thoroughly.
Your Working Boy,

What a bizzare thread.... (1)

iota (527) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554931)

Wow! I feel like part of Slashdot history!

Re:girl geek experiences (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554932)

I'd have to agree with this, at least to some degree. I met a girl via ICQ last summer (she added me to her contact list, I got the System message, and then after tracerouting her, checking her webpage, and being pretty sure I didn't know her, I send a "Who are you?" reply (and added her to my contact list).)

End result: I found out that she's a really cool girl. I really like her. Unfortunately, the distance issue came up (she lives about 1.5 hrs from my house, but I'm now at college 2.5 hours from my at least in my mind. We went out once (afternoon-evening thing), and I think we both enjoyed ourselves. I know I had a much easier time talking to her (and, in the generic sense, a "girl I don't know" online than I would have in person).

Has advantages... (3)

Parity (12797) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554933)

For people that are terminal introverts, meeting other people is a serious problem. You only feel comfortable opening up among people you know, but people can only get to know you if you open up... I'm sure many of you know the problem.

Somehow, online makes it a -lot- easier to just open up and talk, express yourself... that leads to flamewars, among other bad things, but it can also be a good thing.

I have a personal rule, which is that no matter how intimate we feel online, nothing is decided before we've met iRL. Online is a good way to meet people and to talk, but it's a very different thing from being in someone's rl presence.

It's also a good idea to have a 'safety'; the world does have nutty people out there. Make sure someone knows where you're going, who you're meeting, and expects you to contact back at a particular time. This advice probably applies more strongly to female geeks than males, but it wouldn't hurt men to be a little careful too. And, of course, meet for the first time in a public place, with other people around.


Re:It almost worked (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554934)

I wanna see the post for this one. hehe. By the way, I am male and have the same fetish as the first poster... More girls than you'd think are quite willing to put on the old rubber love stick for ya! Good luck you two, if it's for real. I certainly hope so.

IRC --> IRL (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554935)

Flew up to Canada over the summer to stay for a week with a girl I'd only spoken to on IRC/phone. Wouldn't have spent my own money on it (company paid) and wouldn't have gone without backup plans (friends in her area) but I'm happy I did.
No one I've met IRL who I first started talking to on IRC has been quite as I expected them to be, but they've all been very interesting people. If you have good backup plans and a generous travel allowance and know someone who'd like to see you, I'd say go. The worst that can happen is ending with a shattered image of the person you're meeting.

We are of a disconnected world (1)

nebular (76369) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554936)

Female geeks tough to find because they are to much like male geeks is right.

From my experience the trouble is that you have to know the female first, such as a classmate or something or other. because I spend so much time in front of my monitors when I do venture out into natural light I find that my topics of conversation often veer towards those that are of interest online. often from this I get strange looks from everyone except those that I know personally and also spend most of their times in the cathode ray glow. Those friends I made a school maintaing it's network. It all boils down to the ratio of male geeks to female. When we enter real life they just aren't common enough for us (or rather me) to even just score (keep in mind that this is from personal experience if you're luckier, I envy you). Standard women just can't understand why someone would spend 12 hours a night staring at text scrolling up a window.

My experiences with women. (1)

Weramona (23619) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554937)

I talked to a girl once. She smelled funny. She said "Would you like fries with that?". Mmmm... Fries....

Um, sure! (1)

invenustus (56481) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554938)

On the telnet chat server [] I work on (NUTS [] is the highest form of communication imho) we have two married couples who moved 500+ miles to be together. I also met my best IRL friend there, along with a girl who was my girlfriend for 17 months. I don't see any harm in it at all.

More sex online than anything (1)

hipworld (91156) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554939)

I met my wife in at singles function I went to. We were the first two people there and just hit it off. But before that, most of my online female contacts seem to get more into sex than an actual relationship. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but a long term relationship is definitely better. The point is that there are a lot of women interested in sex online, but I found a lot fewer that were interested in a real relationship.

Married twice / two kids / both from computers (1)

timjones (78467) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554940)

Frankly, I wouldn't know how to meet a woman EXCEPT for a computer. Fortunately, the computer has been the source of both of my marriages.

I met my first wife on a BBS called Meganet in St. Petersburg, FL (local number, no longer around). Lived together within two weeks of first date, engaged for 1.5 years, married for over 5 years. Divorced in 1994.

Then I met a much better woman pretty quickly on a unix bbs (again a local number) that later became [] . Engaged for 3.5 years, then got married. We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, and no problems in sight. Our educations couldn't be more different (literature/poetry/philosophy vs. computers/music), and that leads to both of us teaching each other new things all the time. She is the wonderful kind of old-fashioned woman described in Uncle Robin's Advice article [] that is there for me, running the bath water and serving me late-night sandwiches!

My first son was with my first wife, and my second son is a child she made with someone else who doesn't care a --bleep-- about the boy, so I treat him like my own.

My second wife cannot have children -- fortunately for her, my sons were part of the package deal with me, so she does get to raise a couple of kids after all.


Contrast (1)

muratic (37983) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554941)

I find my those people I know only electronicaly people function well as a contrast to my local social situation. The people i know come from completelydiffrent backgrounds than me, which lends an even greater generality to the observations I make. Luckly "she" is far enough away to make any kind of romance an incredibly impractical idea so the subject has never come up. If it did it would surely raise expectations for the connection too much. The wonderful thigns about purely electronic relationships is that they are very simple if conducted with a little common sense. I think it is a healthy thing to have a few of thiem around along with the usual gaggle of real life friends.

My dating web site (1)

doobie (2546) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554942)

I am a student at Purdue University, I started a web site back in Janurary called PurdueDating [] , after it becoming very successfull here, we were shut down by the University [] for being on their campus. After some debat we redesiged and opened up as [] . We've been around for a while, and have in our opinion been very successful. I've met a few people through the site, and it always makes me feel good when I hear about someone that has been dating someone for the past 6 months and they've meet through my site.

Can bite you in the ass if you aren't careful... (1)

Fogie (4006) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554943)

Having been in several online relationships and flings... one lasting for over 1.5 years... I feel I can shed some light on the subject. It takes a special brand of woman/man in order for it to work at all. You have to be willing to put your physical urges aside, at least until you've gotten to know them and (gasp) meet them. It's bittersweet torture... because you have a significant other, but OTOH you're missing out on a lot when you can't see them.

Another pain in the ass is not knowing if someone is being totally honest. This is by no means a factual argument, but I was involved with a girl who more or less lied about everything, and if they are good liars it can last for months before you begin to realize. Being lied to is no fun in any situation, especially in the love department.

My advice when it comes to getting involved online? Though none of my relationships worked out for the best, I won't completely argue against it. However, like others have said on here, don't get too serious about it while it remains exclusively over IRC, ICQ, e-mail, etc etc. Meet them, get to know the actual person, because we all present online personas that are not who we really are. Some aren't very different in person, and others completely change.

So, before you settle down with a wife/husband/significant other, make sure they don't possess some personality trait that will make you regret ever getting involved. I'm stealing someone's quote here, but loving someone isn't about finding their perfections, but appreciating their imperfections.

Cybersex? Puh-leeze, 1/2 the time it's a 14 year-old boy named Jimmy from Wisconsin having some fun at your expense. You're missing out on a lot when you're tapping out animal noises on a keyboard.

The bottom line? If you meet someone and you've got good vibes, meet the person for crissakes! If they're still golden, go with it. Thanks for your time, and thanks for humoring a lovelorn geek who's run the gamut of online relationships.

Yes, but ... (2)

PenguinX (18932) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554944)

Well, "online romances" as they are defined by the media - by having 'cyber sex' and doing all sorts of stupid typing shit doesn't work. But I found my husband online, met him in real life and I couldn't get enough of him.

Coupla years later, our relationship is stronger than when we met and I'm seriously happy :).

What doesn't work however is getting online to get sexed w/o any relationship. Duh - suprise. People in bars have been trying to figure this one out for ages.

At any rate toodlez

Before online: a saga (1)

DuctTape (101304) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554945)

My experience with girls related to computing hasn't been that great. Before there was an "online" (back in the 70s), I was goofing off in the computer lab at a BigTime CS school (think cornfields), when this rather, um, shapely gal walks into the terminal room. All geek eyes on her since she's wearing those hotpants (I told you it was the 70s) and she's obviously going to have back problems really soon, if you get my drift. So anyway, I keep banging away at this, um, Commodore Pet that C'dore put in the lab to entice geeks with, and this gal is RIGHT BEHIND ME STARING AT MY SCREEN where I'm really not doing anything productive... okay, I'm playing. She asks me what I'm doing, and I start mumbling about something inconsequential, when the geek in me kicks in and I blurt out, "Do I know you?" Turns out that she's the grad student house mom of my sister's University co-op house who I had met a couple weeks earlier. So we walk back to the co-op since we're both done anyway; she's "safe" (rats) since she's a house mom and she's going out with some guy that has a Camaro, so I can talk to her without falling down.

Cut to a few years later (after a few years respite from the university), and I see a gal at the computer room who I'd been worshiping from afar in my class, and she asks me about one of our lab problems. At this point in my life I've learned to stare at THEIR shoes when I talk to girls, so I was able to mutter something close to what could be considered English, and she invites me out to eat with her at a Denny's. Hey, the kid is gonna score (or at least get into tryouts)... turns out that she's got a HTH, so again, I find myself with someone "safe", and so she wastes my time for the remainder of the summer (in the middle of shorts season!) being good "friends" on the weekdays, while she goes back to the HTH on the weekends.

But it's progress.

Cut to the fall semester where she brings in one of the two lab chicks at the school into our little friendship, and I'm kinda miffed that there's an interloper into this Relationship That's Going Nowhere, but little by little the interloper and I warm up and end up excluding the HTH gal. But after a longish relationship, she dumps me with no notice for an ubergeek coworker (who was married by the way, but that's another story).

So the score is: no luck with any computer-related romances.

So I go out and reacquaint myself with Mr. Sun and all that there is outdoors, and I meet this gal quite innocently while sailing. And we're still married to this day.

Moral of the story: well there really isn't one, but it is kinda nice not being married to a(nother) geek.

Free Pittsburgh!

Re:girl geek experiences (1)

the.pixie (111441) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554946)

AS a fellow "geek" I have to say that my two places that I've met sig. others has been in school, and at work. Met a few possible candidates online, but the distance was a big issue [I am in the US and he was in SCOTLAND!] But working in a call center for computer technical support is a good place to meet nice, though sometimes socially handicapped men...who share some of the same interests...[i.e. RPGs, Linux, computers in general.....] ~The Pixie~

okay time to post :) (0)

PHroD (1018) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554947)

i met my g/f online over 2 years ago. She was from Virginia, I from Calif. It was a hard time for us, as she was still in high school and i had just graduated (shes just a year younger than me).

We were friends, then fell in love without ever meeting (may sound stupid to some, but not to her and I). We met and now live together in south carolina. Shes going back to college in TN, and going to live w/ her friend, and I'm goin back to California (I can make more $$ there :) ) for a little while, then after shes done w/ college, we're movin back together.

And anyway, shes not a geek (she doesnt understand why i hate M$ and love Linux and BeOS and why i like programming so much) but i think i rather her not be a geek, b/c it keeps my worldly interrsts varies. Plus i think shes perfect just the way she is. And thats all I have to say about inet romances - It can work, wonderfully so.

"There is no spoon" - Neo, The Matrix

irc, I hate to say it (4)

MillMan (85400) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554948)

I don't recommend trying to meet women on irc, but if you're really that shy, it isn't all that bad. I've actually met a few really cool women on irc, had a 1 year relationship with one of them. The two women I knew the best weren't "geeks" themselves but get along with the geek personality really well. I have met a number of women from irc who I very much *don't* like, but real life results in the same thing anyway. No big deal.

DO NOT become dependant on online socializing. Thats the way I was about 3 years ago, and even if you hang out with people from irc, it's still generally a depressing life. I still chat on irc a bit, but I don't TRY to meet women online anymore. If I happen upon someone who I really seem to get along with (important note: when you talk with someone online, you only "see" a small part of what they really mind tends to make up the rest of what you think they are) I'll still meet them if possible.

Bottom line: DO NOT BECOME DEPENDANT ON ONLINE SOCIALIZATION!! It's just bad. I think most people here will agree.

Re:Here's my question... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554949)

Of course you have to assume that elfbabe IS a girl.

meeting online (1)

grrlfox (80643) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554950)

I met my girlfriend online, on an IRC channel, and moved from Chicago to Texas to be with her. That was two years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.....she'll say the same should you ask her :)
We spent some months talking online, then on the phone....finally met FTF over thanksgiving of 97, and three weeks later, I had a Uhaul trailer and was on my way down here. We have friends for whom meeting on the Net has been a good thing too.
If she and I were to break up for some reason, I'd probably consider meeting people online to be preferable to meeting ppl IRL. There's no pressure for doing anything besides talking and getting to know each other online, while FTF there are lots of things that can get in the way.
That's my couple of cents.....

Worked for me (1)

Darchmare (5387) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554951)

Well, it worked for me.

About 4 and a half years ago I met my S.O. online, and it worked fine. Over the 'net it may be a different story, though - it's not a matter of meeting online or not, it's a matter of geography. I met my girlfriend via old-school BBSes (bulletin board systems), where everyone lived in the same geographic region of the state. My gf was about 15 minutes away.

The thing is, while our relationship started online, it grew past that. First we moved on to phone calls, then to meeting in person. I think that on the plus side we got to know eachother as people better online and over the phone (skipping some of the initial guess-work that comes with meeting a person in person). However, eventually that has to give way. I don't really have much faith in cross-country relationships due to the lack of real personal contact. I've known a number of people who have been burnt from that.

The 'net is inherantly global which, while very very cool in its own right, doesn't help relationships too much. With the death of the local BBSing scene(s), I'm not so sure it's as realistic that it'll work.

Another point of possible interest: I'm a computer person, she's not. She'd call the boards regularly for chatroom use, while I was more interested in running my own board or perusing FidoNET. Geeks and non-geeks can and do get along. Trust me. :>

- Darchmare
- Axis Mutatis,

Re:Here's my question... (1)

Hiro_Protaganist (87503) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554952)

Ok, so one of my friends is going to install it for me at my New Year's party

Actually, I think that's's so Y2k ironic to be doing computer stuff on that night.

It's *way* better than what I did last New Year's...hanging out at the near-riot in San Franciscos Union Square. I'm going to find me some nice quiet thing this year :)

Sometimes, when I'm feelin' bored, I like to take a necrotic equine and assault it physically.

Online Harrasment: When it all goes horribly wrong (1)

Nailer (69468) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554953)

About three months ago a female geek posted a story at a popular geek humor website. In a joking style, it told the story of meeting a person from a software company at Linuxworld. Some thing may or may not have happened between the author and said person. The author says it didn't, others say otherwise.

Whatever the truth is, the result of that meeting was somebody at said software company mass-mailing a rather detailed and humiliating description of these [real or fictional] events to every employee of the company.

Responses ranged from the intelligent to "you're fat" to "your a lesbian" to "I checked your webpage and you're ugly". Half bored, and interested in what was causing all the fuss, I visited the authors webpage. It was probably one of the most interesting personal websites I have ever read. I've never actually been interested in anyone else's personal links, but I spent an hour discovering some of the most entertaining content I've ever seen online. Here was an engaging and intelligent personality surely worth the title of geek girl.

Another article was posted on the same site questioning the authors credentials. Things intensified dramatically. Maybe eighty percent of responses to any article would consist of comments concerning this author. Not flattering or friendly - explicit, violent and unoriginal.

Meanwhile, the author stopped writing any more articles. She also stopped defending herself. The comments continued unabatedly for two months. Last week they disabled their comments and write-ins after the volume and content of posts concerning the author became overwhelming.

I revisited the webpage recently. None of the old content exists anymore, presumably after the same sort of filth ended up in her personal email. No more witty links, no more personal stuff, lyrics, poetry, stories, no more 'you know you're Chinese if'... now there's a transcript of Tori Amos's 'Crucify'.

One bright spirit extinguished by so many bored horny fools. The world is a lesser place since you left it, MLM.

Re:Real Life (1)

BobKagy (25820) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554954)

I didn't know people were allowed to do that anymore. I've always tried to stay very far away at work.

Re:Just my thoughts (1)

Siren (41920) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554955)

"The first major problem lies in distance. "

This is a bit of a problem - She goes to school in Newcastle, and I go to school in Melbourne.. Which means we can only see each other every several weeks. There's no real way around it short of moving interstate. There are phonecalls, though, every other night... That goes a long way to shortening the distance.

"different in real life / appearences"

You don't expect things to hit off straight away, or at all. Don't take it too seriously, which is what a dozen other people have said.

I never used to think it would work, either, but then I met this person two years ago.. *shrug*

Have fun,

The real problem with online Relationships... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554956)

Is it y2k compliant? What if one of you isn't? ouch.


It can work, but didn't for me... (1)

SaDan (81097) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554957)

...or anyone else I know. I'm sure there are a few people out there who are married to someone who used to be an online flirt, so it can happen. Just don't count on it.

I met my wife when I moved and switched grocery stores. She worked in the deli of my closest grocery store... What can I say, she certianly knew how to handle my meat! ;-P I must have bought and ate more lunchmeat during those first two months of flirting than the first 18 years of my life total.

Don't be afraid of leaving the comforting rays of the CRT and venturing out into the world. You never know who you'll run into out there...

Prostate stimulation... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554958)

For you "exit-only" homophobes... You don't know what you're missing. Seriously. I'm not into guys myself, but I do know what feels good, and that's what matters. And so does my fiancee.... ;-)

kinda reminds me... (1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554959)

I think this says it all:

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a beautiful princess, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The programmer said, "Look I`m a programmer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that`s cool."


Re:Just my thoughts (1)

Ziviyr (95582) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554960)

You sound like I did when I was your age (4 years ago).

I have no success stories to show for that age differences. I think I'll try to ask that nice girl at safeway out. Better odds, and she has the physical appearance bit nailed. ;-)

Orgy! Orgy! Orgy! (1)

MikeFM (12491) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554961)

Anyone up for a geek orgy? Of course the rule is all men must bring an eligible woman with them if they want admitted. Those wearing rubbers that look like penguins get to stand on the stage and show off for the crowd. Do you think we should test everyone for geek knowledge before they can get any? Anyone who wants to come reply here and I'll email you the secret location and password! :)

good, but don't eliminate other options (1)

expunged (30314) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554962)

Just like going out to the bars, being social at parties, or being social at work, being "social" online isn't going to work for everyone.

I met my husband on a BBS in seattle before we went out to college... "hey, I'm going to school out there", "cool, me too". So we chatted online, found common interests, met IRL before we went off to school, and saw each other a lot while we were in school.

We're still in school, and two years after meeting we married. Worked for me! But that doesn't mean it'll work for someone else...

That was on a BBS (duh I already said that), which is a little different than the "big bad internet" is now. It was local to my area (well, as local as "Seattle" can get), it took a certain style of person to seek out and hang out on a BBS (after the 'internet' had already developed), thus narrowing down the potential "field" of people-i-wouldn't-go-near-if-i-was-paid. People knew each other on the BBS, which you can't really say for IRC unless you scope it down to a single channel (or genre of channels).

I would say we shouldn't narrow ourselves to any field. Just because you know people who hit it off on IRC doesn't mean you will, and you shouldn't necessarily *try*. Be social in any place and you are bound to meet people, eventually someone you hit it off with well.

Going out and being "social" in a bar or at parties isn't for everyone. Some people meet their SO's at work (or in work-related places) without going out of their way to be excessively social. If you realise that your "potential" mate could be anywhere in the world, internet or otherwise, you're bound to find someone. Being social is being social whether it's on the 'net, in a bar, or at work.

Just be careful on the 'net before you go out and meet someone IRL. All (except one) of the internet folks I've met IRL have come from BBS', though I'm sure that will change, and a BBS is quite different from what the 'net has become. If you get a bad feeling about someone on the 'net, listen to it, just like in 'real life'.


Word of Advice: Meet. (1)

gnarphlager (62988) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554963)

Long distance relationships are hell. But they can work, and be MORE than worth it. My current girlfriend:
item a: we met on the Swans discussion list.
item b: we became more phone friends than e-mail friends after a few months.
item c: I didn't know she was interested in me, and likely still wouldn't were it not for the Pimpin' Cupid at
item d: She moved a time zone closer, we met and . . . .
How geeky is THIS relationship!!!!

But I've met people I thought I was interested in, and changed my mind after meeting them. And people I would date if they lived closer, but didn't think they were worth the distance. And my ex-roommate is now married and living in Japan to his former long-distance girlfriend.

It CAN work. But be careful before you put too much of yourself into it.

A good way to get to know each other (2)

sith (15384) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554964)

Over the summer I began talking via aolim (mm.. gaim..) to a girl from my school who I hadn't know real well. By getting to know each toher better over the net, we eventually hooked up in real life . Conversing online allows you to say things that you may have trouble saying in real life, although important issues should still be discussed face to face in my opinion.

My experience wasn't too good... (1)

Lee Cremeans (873) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554965)

My first online dating experience started off fairly decently, but soured after a few months. It also had the dubious distinctions of being my first-ever serious attempt at a relationship, after years of having crushes on people (indeed, this one was influenced somewhat by a past crush), and of being my first long-distance relationship.

It started around May 1997. I was (and still am) a frequenter of the Usenet group (having been a fan of that show basically since Day One), and also of the IRC channel #watertower [] , and had been for a few months at this point. I saw someone posting on the newsgroup, expressing a desire to get more involved in one of the fan documents. I eventually helped her out, and told her about #wt, and we became close friends. In early 1998, I started to take a liking to her, as it were, and things started clicking very quickly. By August, though, things were falling apart. Both of us were very immature and inexperienced about this sort of thing; I had begged my way into the relationship in the first place (on the false belief that someone female couldn't be special without being a SO), she expected me to be something I just wasn't, and also could be very manipulative and condescending at times. It came to a head when I came down for a weekend, and she said I couldn't stay at her house -- this was a problem because she lives near a resort town, it was a Friday night in the middle of August, and I didn't have any hotel reservations or the money to even get a room on such short notice. I ended up sleeping in my car, and going home the next day. I was reluctant to talk to her for a long while, but eventually got over far as I know, we're still at least acquaintances, but she hasn't been on IRC in a while.

Now, I should note that I'm not very experienced about this; before I got to IRC, I was very paranoid about people I didn't know from HS or church. I'm only now shattering some myths and phobias I've long had about how talking to other people and having friends works. That said, though, there are cases where meeting online does work; some people from #wt have gotten together, with excellent results (one couple is now married).

As of right now, I'm not sure if anything will happen again; my situation at the moment is such that having a SO would be a drain on my time and resources (not to mention the fact that meeting online increases the chances of an LDR substantially), so I'm not really looking. I'm hoping that the next time, things will go more smoothly for me and the person I'm seeing -- whether it starts online or off.


Re:Can you guess my number!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554966)

> Any woman who dials 817-4998 and ... All you have to do is guess the area code

Robin, If you're going to do that, at least try and make sure you don't pop up as the first and only result for "817-4998" on google and altavista :)

If you're reading slashdot, it's consistant with being an administrator for the Communications department... :-)

Hmm, does my GF getting the pizza count?

Re:The geek life can be lonely... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554967)

About the signals: there aren't any magic signals unfortunately even though there is the talk of it. So we can say that there's a "standardisation" issue there which causes inconsistencies. Your "flawlessness" may even actually be a flaw as some girls aren't good at judging just like some guys. The winning strategy here is not to mess to much with personality/image-tuning and go ahead in confidence. Of course the presence of all these postings on a saturday night on slashdot is enough proof that that approach doesn't work for NERD/GEEK/ANTISOCIAL/INTROVERT/ETC people, and the "magic" reason for that is this particular group lacks diversity. As an example, try to picture the average-slashdotter. Think about the social life. Think about the experiences and strong points. Unfortunately, when we are in front of our monitors getting better at coding, other people are getting better at other things and things that count when it comes to dating. So, if it starts to hurt you on your Saturday nights, spend less time in front of your computer because it seems you don't have enough time to advance in both directions.

A bit more.... (1)

grrlfox (80643) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554968)

We didn't start out having netsex, we didn't start out looking to find a girlfriend online. We just found that we liked each other, started talking, and over several months, found ourselves falling for each other - but nade NO plans until we'd met IRL.
That was all we needed; we knew at that point that we'd found the person we wanted to be with.

Argh (1)

PenguiN42 (86863) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554969)

All I know is one of my roommates's girlfriend is DAMN HOT, is a geek, and they met online. He lives in NY and she lives in CA, but she came to our school (we're sophmores, she's a freshman). I'm pretty sure his situation is rare though.

(Asshole :)

The following sentence is true.

Re:It works, but don't push it! (1)

Kyrrin (35570) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554970)

> How many women out there use male names in
> public forums to avoid unwanted attention?

Personally, I tend to go for a gender-neutral logon, and I notice a /lot/ more annoying solicitations when I switch to an obviously female nick. I hang out on MOOs a lot, and it's /amazing/ what some of these people will page you with when you're obviously a woman; on LambdaMOO, most of the women I know switch their gender to plural or neuter. It's sad that such deception is necessary, but that's been the case for as long as I've been into MOOs.

But thank you, Chip, for being a gentleman. ^_^

The Internet: Where Men Are Men & So Are the Women (1)

Cheshire Cat (105171) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554971)

This reminds me of a story about a friend of mine. He used to hang out after work at Kinko's (where he worked at, not because he dug copy shops) to use the computers, since he didn't have one at home. One day, he came up to me and a friend, and began to tell us about how he found this "hot lesbian chatroom" and that he "was the only guy in it" even though he "was pretending to be a woman!" Despite our observation that all the "women" in that room were really men pretending to be women, he refused to believe us. "I can tell! I can tell!" he insisted. The point to this is that when you meet that "woman" who is an 18 year old Asian teenager at a Catholic high school, whose headmistress forces her to perform bizarre bondage rituals, its gonna be a guy. If its that description, and you're on the Undernet, its probably me! ;)

My personal experience as a geek girl. (3)

Pendulum (50917) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554972)

Okay, I am tired, I will keep this short.
Last Jan., I saw a website I really liked. The guy who designed it (as a showcase of his work) seemed really interesting and intelligent. I wrote to tell him I was impressed, and we struck up a conversation. It was a wonderful correspondance; finally I had a guy who wasn't inmtimidated by my knowledge of computers nor scared by my Star Wars obsession. Long story short- in June, he asked me to visit him, and flew me to NYC from Central Ontario. We got along well, and were very attracted to one another. A good time was had by all. We didn't try anything like a comitted long distance relationship, and now I'm hooking up with a Southern Ontario geek, who also happens to be a musician. I met him through his music.
My advice about meeting geek girls - be the best geek you can be. Sounds cheesy, but smart Really is the new sexy. I don't find receding hair lines a turn on, but they look pretty good if the brain they hover over is stimulating.
I'd much rather you crack MS than buy me chocolate or flowers. Though I'd be more impressed with something realy neat, not cracker nonsense.
And if you have a non-tech hobby, see if you can meet girls that way. I mean, we geek girls do get out ocasionally, too.

SO's and computers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554973)

We work on computers all day at work. We play with computers often in our spare time. My girlfriend is about my only thread to 'reality'... If she were into computers I'd never get the hell away from these infernal machines! All hacking and no play make Homer something something...

Excellent. (2)

pb (1020) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554974)

I've never had a serious relationship with anyone who I've met online. However, I've always had a serious online relationship with those I've met in real life. It can be essential to helping maintain a long distance relationship, too.

E-mail is always cheaper than a phone call, and a talk session (or any modern chat protocol-thing, ICQ, AIM, IRC, whatever) is more interactive, and sometimes more clear. (However, has anyone tried that internet phone stuff? I've been meaning to use Speak Freely with someone, but haven't done it yet...)

However you can manage to find people people that intrest you, please do, and remember that computer networks are excellent ways to keep in touch and coordinate events.
pb Reply rather than vaguely moderate me.

where i met my girlfriend . . . a UNIX lab (1)

morning (58560) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554975)

I actually met my significant other in a UNIX lab, at college, at about 1:30 AM. I guess i am really lucky, as most of my friends have not been able to find a girlfriend whose eyes don't glaze over when they mention an "dual-p2-600-512-meg-ram-linux-box-with-s-m-p" (thank you kristen:-)

Never really occured... (2)

wesmills (18791) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554976) me. Now, wait, before you go reading FAR too much into that sentence, let me explain:

I'm 19, male, and in college, and have yet to go out on a "date" at all. Why not? It's not due to any of the reasons you probably thought above (i.e. I'm not gay, etc), but because I simply have other things to do, and I suspect this is the case with a number of computer people. We're too busy trying to save the world from the evils of Microsoft, posting to slashdot at 11:35PM (CST) or doing other things that have nothing at all to do with computers, but don't seem to interest many females (laser tag and meeting at McDonald's after..well, nevermind the trouble I've gotten into).

So, how accurate am I?


not a pager number -- keep guessing. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554977)

Nice try, but Robin's number listed on the webpage you mentioned is not a pager number.

Re:It works, but don't push it! (1)

Eraser_ (101354) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554978)

Treat ladies with respect.
What has ever happened to Chivalry, manners, and general courteousness in the world? (or at least the USA)

ok enough rambling...
I met my current girlfriend of over 6 months in a first period class i was trying desperatly to get out of, thank god i didnt. She is the best thing thats happened to me in about a year and a half :) She's not a geek type, the Anti-Geek would more or less describe it. Oh well, im hopelessly in love.

My experience (1)

suitcase (4089) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554979)

girl geeks are just that, geeks. if you want to find girls you need to look beyold irc chat channels and computer trade shows. a sociable geek is much more likely to find a real girl than a loser.

On-line romances (1)

madprof (4723) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554980)

I know of many peopel who have met peopel over a BBS, would you believe.
Try logging on to Monochrome [] and you'll find loads of ppl on there who have met someone else and gone out with them even though there was quite a few miles between them.
I've never gone in for that, but it is interesting to watch those that have.
Some you can pin down to a stereotype but others you can't because they do have a real life outside of the BBS.
It certainly is not an evil, I can be sure of that because one or two people have gotten married after meeting people on Monochrome. Then again several have got together, done stuff together and then fallen out again in a big way.
To make one a success it demands that a) both are sensible mature adults who understand what is going on, b) that it is possible to actually meet or at least phone regularly, c)that no-one pins too much on anything and takes it as it comes and d)that you're the right people for each other in the first place!
I guess I've always found on-line relationships to be somewhat cold until you hear a person's voice on the other end of a phone line or meet them in person.
At the end of the day you have to remember you're talking to a person who will be a bit like you with their own thoughts, feelings and so on.
If you can't inject a vital spark of humanity in there then it will neverget past the initial stages without a lapse into formula and predictability.
Just my thoughts, anyway.

Re:Here's my question... (2)

technos (73414) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554981)

Installing Linux for the first time is only a good excuse if you actually had something else to do. ;-)

Finding a SO online is really no guarantee of anything. I took a chance and did a f2f meet with a charming YL I had met online. During dinner, while discussing 'internet-addiction', I remarked 'This is probably the longest period I've gone without email in six months.' To clarify; I am usually forced to wear a pager 24x7x365. My email is forwarded to the pager on a 15 minute delay. That day I had left early on personal-time and was not considered 'on-call', so I had left the pager at home.

I hope you all will agree with me that the explaination is sufficient. She didn't, and openly called it 'sick'.

The discussion turned to hours actually spent in front of 'the box'; I'm an IS 'everything man', and a software author, so the number was two digit, and almost four times hers. The 'date' went down hill from there. I figure she labelled me an 'oddball'. Conversation, which up to then had been flowing, easy and entertaining suddenly did a nose dive towards grating.

Needless to say, I now avoid face-to-face contact until I know someone well electronically.

Re:Online relationships (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 14 years ago | (#1554982)

I had a realtionship with a girl about 400 miles from me, more recent(Early ICQ days), Its a question of distance as far as I am concerned, It has since ended and we are friends now. However it cost us both a fortune in phone and travel bills.

Re:The geek life can be lonely... (2)

Surak (18578) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554983)


I was listening to Drew and Mike, a local radio morning show on WRIF in Detroit, and discovered this book [] , which is supposed to be all about these 'signals', but I have yet to pick up this book... Anyone else read it/has it worked for them/etc.?

Oh, what the hell.. my $0.02 (1)

Pizza (87623) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554984)

Almost all of my current friends I met on-line, either directly or indirectly. "Meeting people online" is a means, not an end. I met my most recent girlfriend (albeit rather rocky, but we are still best friends) when I fixed her computer. The one before that I "met" when she directed a three-page flame at me. C'est la vie. People act differently in person than they do on-line... much differently. When behind a screen, they shed inhibitions and shells, and can open themselves up. It's usually pretty easy to tell when someone is bullshitting you. And, hey, talk is cheap. But it's often all a lot of us have to give. If people are more willing to speak about themselves on-line, then that is that. I have but a few criteria I look for in a SO.. but they are odd enough that it's one hell of an uphill battle to find someone. And the only way to find someone is to get out, meet people, spend hours conversing.. and find out what makes them tick. Without the pretense of "I'm looking for a relationship." I view people as books.. one has to take the effort to turn their pages. But admittedly, one really nice thing about on-line conversations via IRC or ICQ or whatever is that you can multitask.. consider your answers, choose the right words, and use it to lighen up a dreary day at the office. But, um, anyway. There's no quick way... good things take time. Perhaps even a lifetime. - Pizza

Text is no comparison to real life (1)

Digital_Fiend (41244) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554985)

I have had an online romance before. I honestly loved that girl, who shall remain anonymous (not like she reads /., never had a geek girl before). So it's not like I don't know what an online romance is like. If you really love the person, cybering can get pretty steamy.

But nothing compares to seeing the look in your lover's eye in that passionate moment during sex, or the warm feel of their skin against yours on a cold night in a warm bed. For guys, nothing compares to seeing your girl's face light up when you buy her flowers for no reason other than to show how much you love her.

There's no way text or video chat can ever come close to that...


bad bad bad bad BAD (1)

imperfect being (89955) | more than 14 years ago | (#1554987)

biggest mistake i ever made in my life

it was worth it though. i think..

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