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Cellphone Dental Implants Coming Soon

Zonk posted about 7 years ago | from the can-you-hear-me-mmmmmm dept.

Communications 79

10.23 X 1011
slashdottit! tm
starexplorer2001 writes "It seems that new AT&T/BellSouth/Cingular merger might actually have some benefits, specifically in the area of pushing the technological envelope. Developers are close to releasing a cellphone device that is implanted into your molars. From the article on the HowStuffWorks site: 'Once implanted in a person's molar, the transducer caused the tooth to vibrate in response to radio signals. The physical structure of the jaw carried the tooth's vibrations to the inner ear, where the user, and no one else, could perceive them as sound. The implant's designers held dramatic demonstrations of this principle using a vibrating wand. Participants confirmed that they could hear crystal clear voices through their teeth. '"

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Already been done (0)

lecithin (745575) | about 7 years ago | (#18568459)

Re:Already been done (1)

Dzonatas (984964) | about 7 years ago | (#18568741)

This is new because they intend to use the Powercast technology to charge up the phone. There is even research into spoken words and that they may have power.

April First Post! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568461)

Pouring a tall mug of the old FROSTY PISS for you ponies!

iPhone (5, Funny)

owlnation (858981) | about 7 years ago | (#18568479)

But not available for the iPhone because, an Apple a day keeps the dentist away.

Sorry, but my head is full of ponies...

ATTN: Windows/Linux refugees! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568651)

Still looking for the "maximize" button when your Mac has "zoom" instead? Take the hint, switcheurs: If you can't deal with multiple windows at once, GTFO of our platform. The Mac wasn't designed for one-track minds.

Re:iPhone (1)

TechForensics (944258) | about 7 years ago | (#18568749)

Sigh. Why do I even *look* at Slashdot on April 1?

Re:iPhone (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568827)


Re:iPhone (1)

Jacer (574383) | about 7 years ago | (#18568957)

April 1 is my favorite of the year to read slashdot. Normally I get three or so interesting reads a week on the site, but on April Fools, everything is worth reading. It's just hilarious.

Re:iPhone (1)

Hoi Polloi (522990) | about 7 years ago | (#18569911)

Now you REALLY shouldn't talk with your mouth full.

And make sure you don't slam the phone down when you are mad. You'll bust a tooth.

I can see it now (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568481)

This would bring a whole new meaning to "He's talking to himself" again....

SMS (5, Funny)

maharg (182366) | about 7 years ago | (#18568521)

people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)

Re:SMS (1)

k31bang (672440) | about 7 years ago | (#18569285)

people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)

Didn't you read the article? Keyboards are being implanted in the penis for male users.

Re:SMS (1)

Miseph (979059) | about 7 years ago | (#18570039)

Well, at least then they'll have excuse to be playing with themselves with driving. Shit, if I'm gonna get sideswiped by some jackass in an SUV then he'd damn well better be handling his member because claiming that you can't drive while talking is like claiming you can't drink AND ogle women at the same time.

Re:SMS (1)

smaddox (928261) | about 7 years ago | (#18570507)

We thought it was bad with those headsets, but now there is REALLY going to be no way to tell the difference between the crazy homeless man on the street corner, and a crazy stock broker.

Guys... (5, Insightful)

G-funk (22712) | about 7 years ago | (#18568541)

..It's only funny if there's some content mixed in with the aprl fool "jokes". And maybe something that would make sn interesting hoax? I was (for some reason) looking forward to some high-brow spril tomfoolery here, and I'm definitely disappointed.

Re:Guys... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568677)

Seriously, these april fools stories are about as funny as a red-headed kid with a bunch of stupid knock knock jokes. Come on Slashdot, this was only moderately funny the *very first year* that you ran these stories. Now it's painful, really really painful. I know I'm being a party pooper, but I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. It just sucks that I have to find something else that's interesting to read today.

So a man walks into a bar... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568927)

... and he looks very uncomfortable, walking more like a penguin than a human being.

The bartender looks at him for awhile, figures it out, and says "Hey, buddy, you've got a steering wheel and a steering column in your pants!"

The man says, "I know! It's driving me nuts!"

Re:Guys... (1)

radtea (464814) | about 7 years ago | (#18568733)

The problem with "fake news" on the Web is that it's trivial to produce, and not so very different from what you can get every day of the year on the political blog of your choice.

My personal advice to anyone who gets the urge to run a fake news story is: if you could create funny fake news stories successfully, you'd be working for The Onion by now. If you aren't working for The Onion, it would probably be best if you kept your "humour" to yourself.

Why the /. editors see fit to bore us with this nonsense each year is beyond me.

Re:Guys... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568771)

High-brow? You weren't here last year, were you?

Re:Guys... (1)

hensto (1079229) | about 7 years ago | (#18569069)

this was a good one. why? because it was so well explained. the article says a lot of things that are undeniably true. sound travels very well thru bone tissue for instance so this implant is possible from a pure audiological perspective. the only "big" problems with something like this is power supply and antenna, while antennas could probably fit in the neighbor molar or be implanted somewhere else, batteries aren't good enough to present a lasting good solution. you will need something that is both small, be able to hold a fair bit of juice and be extremely resilient to degradation with is a huge problem with NiMH cells and simmilar batteries. I don't know any battery techology which is good enough for something like this. If YOU do then please tell me. i'd probably say no to an implant that allows the government to track me though. and oh yes, don't bother saying i'm paranoid m'kay?

Slashdottit malfunction (1)

saskboy (600063) | about 7 years ago | (#18568549)

I just saw Slashdottit malfunction, and discovered the largest prime number known to man. I'm not telling you what it is though!

so many uses!! (1)

dr.Flake (601029) | about 7 years ago | (#18568619)

1. schizophrenia is right around the corner for everyone, experience it now!

2. Could be great way to cheat on an exam. Teachers will have to walk around with bluetooth sniffing devices (or at random stick fingers into your mouth) to spot this fraud.

3. Also great opportunities for your defence in court:" Sir, mmy wisdom tooth told me to kill him" .

great technology, already so many uses for it.

Dammit (1)

tripslash (683760) | about 7 years ago | (#18568645)

There's a Bluetooth joke on the tip of my tongue ....

Re:Dammit (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568791)

How about, "The optional 'Yellowtooth' model was created with Slashdot readers in mind."

The Voices (1)

adamziegler (1082701) | about 7 years ago | (#18568655)

Meh... I have heard crystal clear voices coming from my incisors for awhile now.

Re:The Voices (1)

Walt Dismal (534799) | about 7 years ago | (#18568697)

This is okay but the rectal cellphone was invented first. It has its advantages.

1) it's hands-free.

2) 90% of all cell users talk out of their ass anyway

3) 5% of cell phone users need to have their phone forcibly be placed there if they don't shut their fat clown mouths.

4) You haven't lived until you've heard rectal ringtones. In Germany, Flatus Frog was a hit for years.

5) Cell battery charging can be done in-place, and really feels good.

6) However, answering the phone while driving is very difficult

7) Works equally well with pants and walking shorts

However do not go swimming with rectal cellphone.

Also do not sign up for Friends and Family Rectal Cellphone service.

If wife asks "Where's my cellphone? I can't find it!", DO NOT RESPOND.

Re:The Voices (1)

NotTheNickIWanted (614945) | about 7 years ago | (#18574703)

Editor's note:

While there is some debate concerning the date of the invention of the rectal cell phone, multiple sources suggest that events immediatly preceeding the invention included the user of a conventional cell phone partaking in an [unnecessarily] loud conversation whilst seated in a movie theatre.

Just no. (1)

Micklewhite (1031232) | about 7 years ago | (#18568681)

I don't actually own a cell phone. So I'm not exactly sure what sort of person you have to be to get surgery done to have constant access to your cell phone...

And In Other News (0, Troll)

coyote4til7 (189857) | about 7 years ago | (#18568687)

Pink Ponies have driven everything else from Slashdot. Who's going to sweep up what the mexican food hath rote?

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568699)

They've existed for years- there was a clever marketing placement (whole subplot in fact) in the film Hedwig and the Angry Inch, but alas it got cut and was resigned to the dvd deleted scenes section.

Watching my teeth (2, Insightful)

dfoulger (1044592) | about 7 years ago | (#18568729)

Its hard to imagine the smoke and mirrors that will be needed to get this "new concept" in cellphones to provide the kinds of convergent interfaces associated with today's cell phones. I mean, its great that I can point and click with my jaw, but how am I gonna watch a youtube video on my molar.

What an old tech April Fools story ... so out of touch with where things are really going.

Next year you need a new angle. How about tattooing cellphones on the backs of pets.

um... (1)

thaddeusthudpucker (1082657) | about 7 years ago | (#18568839)

I dont think this ones a hoax, guys. I saw something that was plausible like 8 years ago along these lines. But think, the voices in your head are now real....

Oh, Great ! (1)

vic-traill (1038742) | about 7 years ago | (#18568845)

That's just *great*. Bad enough having to listen to Son of Sam's dog in my fscking head, now I have to listen %*)()_##!! Berkowitz call' too!

vibrate... (1)

chia_monkey (593501) | about 7 years ago | (#18568943)

Well that just takes all the fun out of putting your phone on vibrate, doesn't it? Oh wait...I just got an idea...

Bling bling (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18568971)

Imagine a beowulf cluster of those!!

That's some serious bling bling in yo mouth.

Reminds Me of the Outtakes.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18569395)

From Hedwig and the Angry Inch!
This (likely hoax) was quite possibly inspired by this live-action imagining of what a molar-phone would be like, as done by Hedwig's agent.

Count me out (1)

vandan (151516) | about 7 years ago | (#18569695)

I have enough problems with my 3G phone giving me headaches as it is. I only have to talk for 10 seconds or so until I get sharp pains just underneath the phone's antenna. And yes, I realise that all the phone companies have a billion or so studies that 'prove' that phones don't give you cancer, and in fact fight cancer and help reduce your tax as well. I don't buy it. I keep my phone well away from by body when I'm not using it, and I use the speaker-phone functionality so I don't have to hold the thing on my brain when using it. I strongly recommend people do the same.

Safety issues aside, there are also privacy concerns. Since it's hard to remove one of these things, it's a much better target for the government to use to track people ( oh sorry, terrorists ... the government doesn't track people, only terrorists ). And I'd also be very wary about saying anything against the government while having one of these in my tooth.

Re:Count me out (1)

glitch23 (557124) | about 7 years ago | (#18570617)

I keep my phone well away from by body when I'm not using it, and I use the speaker-phone functionality so I don't have to hold the thing on my brain when using it. I strongly recommend people do the same.

Considering the sheer number of cell phones out there, do you really think that you holding your phone away from your head while talking is going to matter when the other million phones' radio signals will already be passing through your head? Not to mention the fact that your phone's signals will still make their way to your head. A cell phone's signal has to reach the nearest cell tower which is a lot further away from the phone than your head so the strength can definitely still reach your head. You are fighting a lost battle.

Re:Count me out (1)

vandan (151516) | about 7 years ago | (#18570785)

You don't understand how radiation works. The strength of radiation is in an inverse / square relationship with distance. eg if you double the distance, the energy level of radiation is 1/4. So even increasing the distance a small amount has an incredible effect on the radiation levels hitting your brain.

You are fighting a lost battle.

God exists. Get over it.

Hehe. I'm fighting the losing battle, am I? Put down your bible and pay attention to physics.

Reminds me of a rant on a show called "The 90s" (1)

Jim in Buffalo (939861) | about 7 years ago | (#18569709)

Joke or not, this reminds me of this rant this guy was doing on a show called "The 90s" on PBS back in the late 80s. Part of his rant, as he's stalking and panting through some city like New York or Chicago and being followed by a camera, went, "The phone, that's the biggest magnet for me. I should have a phone just welded to the side of my head... I should have a tiny phone implanted in my skull! Leave my hands free, 'cause if I miss one phone call, that's it, I'm a basket case, 'cause I know that that was THE ONE." Of course, these were days before the ubiquitous cell phone or remote voicemail. I wonder where that fellow is now.

It makes sense (1)

Extremus (1043274) | about 7 years ago | (#18569763)

I can't see the diference between these posts and the normal ones. Here in \. almost everything almost makes sense.

Avogadro (1)

Ivana Tinkle (597228) | about 7 years ago | (#18570299)

A cellphone in your molar? With a SlashRating© of 10.23 x 10^11?

Would have been more amusing if the SlashRating© was 6.022 x 10^23 [wikipedia.org]

Re:Avogadro (1)

astronouth7303 (917253) | about 7 years ago | (#18570357)

I'm inclined to agree with you. What is this 1.023*10^12 stuff anyhow?

And I actually saw this in a magazine somewhere, a few years back. No idea where or when exactly, though. (They were talking about using it for football players so the coaches could radio them.)

Additional features (1)

ocie (6659) | about 7 years ago | (#18570795)

Let me guess, you can dial and send text messages using your tongue.

Helicopter helmets (1)

dargaud (518470) | about 7 years ago | (#18571011)

I've actually seen this principle used on some prototype helmets worn by mountain rescue teams. The mike is in the strap holding the helmet, closet to the jawbone and tunes to pick up bone-transmitted vibrations (and not the sound which is very bad when you have a chopper hovering 10 meters above you). The headphone is aptly named for once since it sits on top of the head, transmitting yet again via bone conduction. The main problem is that in order to work it needs to be pretty tight and is thus quite uncomfortable. I don't know who makes them.

From TFA (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#18571059)

The designers used a wand for the demonstrations rather than the implant itself because the implant did not actually exist. It was a concept, not a real device. In addition, it wasn't really a phone -- it was more like one of the Bluetooth earpieces commonly used today. It had no mechanisms for dialing, storing phone numbers or anything else that a phone can do, other than relaying sounds to the listener. The theoretical implant's design didn't even allow the user to speak to the party on the other end of the line.
In other news today Anonymous Coward has built the worlds first teleportation device. Actually its not really a teleportation device nor does it do anything that a teleportation device should do. Well... Actually it doesn't exist. For the demonstration purposes a catapult was used to move matter from one place to another.

Seriously, Doc..... (1)

IHC Navistar (967161) | about 7 years ago | (#18571061)

Me: "No, seriously, Doc..... The voices really *are* in my head....."

Doctor: "Sure they are."

Me: "No, I'm not kidding."

Doctor: "Well, then. Tell me, what are these voices telling you?"

Me: "The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl."

Doctor: "Sure they did....."

(brief buzzing sound)
(two big burly guys in white coats burst in through the door and drag me off to a padded room)


Man, talk about being able to get into someone's head!

Now offering: Bank By Brain

Hedwig and the Angry Inch? (1)

taursir (861098) | about 7 years ago | (#18572419)

This sounds like a scene out of the DVD's extended features, in which the manager gets a phone implanted in her teeth. It gets screwed up somehow though and she can't hang it up, so somehow is hearing a constant dial tone/Please Hang up and Dial Again notice.

Vibrating Cavity? (1)

ShrapnelFace (1001368) | about 7 years ago | (#18574229)


Can you imagine how painful every cavity you get will be with all that vibrating going on in your mouth?

And can you imagine the deductible charge on your molar if you swallow the device?
I mean I already have a problem with dropping my cell in the urinal when I forget to shift my phone to the back of my waste band- 3 phones at $50 a pop, and now I'm allowed no more...

Also- wont this make diagnosing schizophrenics harder? I mean I could be walking down the street talking to myself and no one would know the difference.

"Honey! Hey Honey! I got Mom on the phone here. What? NO! Shes on my Molar! yeah, she said the casserole last night was crap- she's insisting that you never, EVER, do that again."

One more thing- I wonder how conference calls would work? And how do you put that on mute?

LARD - Can God Fill Teeth? (1)

computersareevil (244846) | about 7 years ago | (#18576161)

You call yourself geeks, but a posting on wireless devices in teeth and not one mention of LARD [prongs.org]?

Where's the pliers.
GOD DAMMIT! Where's the pliers?!?
WILMA! Where'd you put my electric drill.
This is all coming out right now. TODAY!


Jello Biafra and Alien Jorgensen forever...
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