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Skynet Means More Bandwidth for British

Zonk posted more than 7 years ago | from the please-don't-become-sentient dept.

Space 66

pcnetworx1 writes "A new £3.6bn project to upgrade the space communications network for British forces including the Army, Royal Navy, and RAF has gone underway. The first craft, Skynet 5A was launched from Kourou in French Guiana on 11 March 2007. There will be a constellation of three satellites in total. This system is also not an exclusive project for the armed forces, it is actually outsourced to a company called Paradigm Secure Communications. They work with NATO, France, Germany, Canada, Portugal and the Netherlands. They are also seeking new business in the US, Australia, and the Middle East."

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+10 (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19098551)

-1 for being a boring topic. +10 for a perhaps unintentionally fantastic name.

Re:+10 (1)

Columcille (88542) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099311)

Not just a boring topic, but a topic that doesn't match the summary. They deal with the same event, perhaps, but I didn't see any mention in the summary of how skynet would increase bandwidth for the average Brit.

Re:+10 (1)

malsdavis (542216) | more than 7 years ago | (#19103881)

The summary does match the topic, it is just the title which is slightly misleading. The first line of the summary reads "A new £3.6bn project to upgrade the space communications network for British forces ".

Goatse! (0, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19098569)

Re:Goatse! (1, Insightful)

Briana83 (1101321) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098901)

Gross. Grow up and get some class.

Re:Goatse! (4, Funny)

WhatAmIDoingHere (742870) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098955)

Welcome to Internet! You have met Troll. Learn internets, ignore troll. He steal your goat!

Re:Goatse! (1)

CommanderIsm (978259) | more than 7 years ago | (#19107155)

who makes this shit up? spend our money on something worthwhile - hospitals - schools - disabled - community projects - disadvantaged - anything but don't give it to the war criminals hiding in the military

Re:Goatse! (1)

WhatAmIDoingHere (742870) | more than 7 years ago | (#19124305)

Yeah! Socialism all the way! woot! Lets STEAL FROM THE PEOPLE to GIVE TO THE PEOPLE! Yay! Because the people are too dumb to figure out a way to get their own health insurance or to educate their own children, lets steal their money to do it for them!

Yay!



Moron.

Re:Goatse! (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099349)

Grow up and get some class.

Umm, the link was titled "Guy Opening Anus To Show Everyone", which you obviously clicked on. While he gets some class, maybe you could get some common-sense, which is after all part of growing up.

Re:Goatse! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099363)

Hey, at least he was honest.

Re:Goatse! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19104543)

If you think that's gross, you haven't seen very much. Check out tubgirl. Or swap.avi. Or Guinea Pig. Or "Mr. Hands". Or trannys, like Buck Angel and Saige. Or furry art. Or shitting dicknipples. Or vore. Or mutilation. Or any of a number of pictures popular on the intertubes.

Re:Goatse! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19098963)

That's the best backronym ever, though it kind of defeats the purpose of goatse.

Re:Goatse! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099015)

You failed at firstpost glory

New uses (1)

LiquidCoooled (634315) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098573)

The soldiers now can play Counter Strike really well with less lag!

(No terminator jokes this time though, that was when it was launched a few weeks ago)

Re:New uses (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19098841)

> --
> Yes I make mistakes. Don't we all?

$ make mistakes
make: *** No rule to make target `mistakes'. Stop.

Re:New uses (1)

Simon80 (874052) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098899)

You just made a mistake.

Re:New uses (1)

redalien (711170) | more than 7 years ago | (#19101569)

make install, not war!

Re:New uses (1)

smallfries (601545) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099555)

I think that the Register [theregister.co.uk] did them all when they noticed that we've bought a bunch of "Hunter Killer" drones that will be run by this "Skynet". New Labour, New Britain - doing the best we can to help Judgement Day along one death at a time...

Obligatory... (0)

gamepro (859021) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098589)

I for one welcome our new bandwidth providing Terminators

Let's start the cult of Skynet! (0, Troll)

anss123 (985305) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098633)

And laugh in Microsoft's face!

Skynet.. (4, Funny)

Ramble (940291) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098651)

20.38: Skynet becomes aware

20.39: Skynet gives more bandwidth

20.40: ????

20.41: Profit!

Now we know why! (2, Funny)

isotope23 (210590) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098695)

Now we know why Skynet loses, the terminators were all searching for Bot-Pr0n!!

Re:Now we know why! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19101549)

Hooray for hot one on one lesbian cyborg action!!!

military project called skynet? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19098727)

... some jokes just write themselves...

Skyyyyynet (4, Funny)

wakaranai (87059) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098777)

1969: Series of UK military satellites called "Skynet" first launched

1997: Skynet, a neural net-based artificial intelligence built by Cyberdyne Systems,
brought online and given control over the U.S. strategic nuclear arsenal

2007: UK military ridiculed for choice of name for latest high-bandwidth series of "Skynet" satellites

Time travel's a bitch..

Oh sure (0, Troll)

fishthegeek (943099) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098779)

they get more bandwidth... everyone knows that North America is the first place that will go with the missles fly. They're just going to use what North American ISPs won't need anymore.

I predict... (5, Insightful)

Safiire Arrowny (596720) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098787)

...90% of slashdotters are coming to this article to either make a terminator joke or to read other people's terminator jokes.

Re:I predict... (5, Funny)

hclyff (925743) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098851)

While 8% are coming to complain about people making terminator jokes or to read about said complaining. Remaining 2% are those who genuinely thought the article is dealing with Terminator.

Re:I predict... (2, Funny)

yahooadam (1068736) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099357)

90% of all statistics are made up on the spot, 80% of all people know that

Re:I predict... (2, Funny)

dwarfsoft (461760) | more than 7 years ago | (#19102869)

I thought it was Forfty Percent of all people know that about statistics?

Re:I predict... (1)

mlow82 (889294) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099393)

Can you freaks stop misspelling...oh wait, nevermind.

Re:I predict... (1)

epp_b (944299) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099409)

While 8% are coming to complain about people making terminator jokes or to read about said complaining. Remaining 2% are those who genuinely thought the article is dealing with Terminator.
...and the other 90%?

Re:I predict... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19100063)

Please read this post: http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=234505 &cid=19098787 [slashdot.org] , you fucking moron. What can one expect from a Nugent quoter though?

Re:I predict... (0)

Donniedarkness (895066) | more than 7 years ago | (#19100473)

It wasn't? I'm confused...

Re:I predict... (1)

bobcat7677 (561727) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098881)

I will freely admit that when I saw the headline I was quite eager to click and read terminator references...or post one myself if not every possible angle had not already been exhausted!

Re:I predict... (2, Insightful)

Flamsmark (876165) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099329)

I've been hitting F5 for ten minutes, and still not even a single good terminator joke. I'm disappointed, people.

Re:I predict... (1)

IceCreamGuy (904648) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099085)

I actually can't believe the top tags right now consist of "communications, hardware, space," I would have expected "terminator, connor, ill_be_back..." or others to that effect. Honestly, maybe I'm just a little ignorant, but I never knew there was a real-life Skynet, even though Wikipedia tell me the first rocket was launched in 1969. Ah well, [[generic terminator reference #4419]].

Re:I predict... (1)

Lisandro (799651) | more than 7 years ago | (#19100403)

Your levity is good. It relieves tension and the fear of death.

Re:I predict... (1)

LEX LETHAL (859141) | more than 7 years ago | (#19104249)

You are right. My first thought was, "I wonder if there are any good Terminator jokes." My second thought was, "I wonder if I can post a Terminator joke that hasn't already been mentioned."

All this technology... (4, Funny)

MrSteveSD (801820) | more than 7 years ago | (#19098845)

Skynet Means More Bandwidth for British...

They are also seeking new business in the US, Australia and the Middle East.


...and yet Ahmed Connor still eludes them.

Terminator's Accent Confirmed (4, Funny)

weinrich (414267) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099007)

I'm finally vindicated after all these years! Everyone kept claiming the Terminator's accept was Austrian, or some such rot, but I knew it was British.

We can't let governments own space (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099323)

Before we allow governments to completely control space, we really, really need to liberate governments from the shackles of history. Read: we need the Metagovernment [metagovernment.org] .

Once they get control of space, humanity is locked into this ancient (prehistoric, really) form of tyranny forever.

Re:We can't let governments own space (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099391)

Hallelujah!

Terminator jokes aside, governmental control of space may just destroy us as a species. Or planet.

Open source space program?!? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099497)

Hm. Open source space program? I'd have to see it to believe it.

Good moves by the West (1)

Plutonite (999141) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099331)

It is very interesting to see this technology being used by several nations and across political spectra (free world, communist world..etc). Sure, China won't get it's satellite comm systems straight from the US, but I will bet you anything that western states allied against certain blocks of nations will direct limited amounts of tech into Chinese (and other) hands, through the French for example. The common tech may seem like an advantage to the enemy, but just think what could happen if all of China's ground coordination technology went offline during a major offensive against Vietnam, say. If I was a non-ally of the US of A, I would build my very own Skynet thank you very much.

Re:Good moves by the West (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19100547)

just think what could happen if all of China's ground coordination technology went offline during a major offensive against Vietnam, say.

Why is China always the hypothetical aggressor?

For that matter, why is China's military always portrayed as stupid in said hypothetical scenarios?

Re:Good moves by the West (1)

MrNaz (730548) | more than 7 years ago | (#19102587)

Because once the freedom-mating Muslims are all killed, China will be the next "bad guy". The public perceptions that will be needed at that time are being seeded now.

Re:Good moves by the West (1)

eonlabs (921625) | more than 7 years ago | (#19100747)

You do realize that a lot of nations who disagree with western politics are infact developing their own space agencies, their own semiconductor industries, and are working their way to becoming technological world powers if they're not already considered political world powers.

"Sure, China won't get it's satellite comm systems straight from the US, but I will bet you anything that western states allied against certain blocks of nations will direct limited amounts of tech into Chinese (and other) hands"

Hints that you don't realize that that's what people are doing...

3 countries have successfully put people into space: USA (Astronauts), Russia (Cosmonauts), and China (Tychonauts)

It doesn't take as much effort to put a satellite into orbit as it takes to put a person up there.

mod 0p (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099377)

Router in the Sky (4, Insightful)

thaig (415462) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099523)

The interesting part is that it's ip aware and is basically a big router in the sky. This is new-ish stuff. It has other cool tech but software people wouldn't be terribly interested in e.g. the snazzy electronically steerable antenna etc.

It's a slight shame the Hollywood has given everyone unrealistic expectations of, among other things, the state of the art in military satellite systems. It's rather like the Stealth Fighter - an awesome achievement despite the fact that it was far from having the all-aspect stealth that it is generally portrayed to have. Another example would be those f***ng moronic films where someone breaks "128-bit encryption" in 60 seconds because he has a gun to his head (or whatever).

The interesting part of it is that Satellites of the Skynet 4 era need teams of people to fly them and make constant adjustments to their orientation and orbit but that commercial satellite tech has become so good now that one person can fly many satellites and each satellite can manage itself for up to 28 days. I never knew how much effort it was until hearing this.

Re:Router in the Sky (2, Insightful)

Randseed (132501) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099625)

Another example would be those f***ng moronic films where someone breaks "128-bit encryption" in 60 seconds because he has a gun to his head (or whatever).
But he was getting a blowjob from a hot blonde (albeit with fake tits) at the time for "motivation." You can't leave that out. It's the most important part here at Slashdot!

Uncharted territory (3, Interesting)

cheros (223479) | more than 7 years ago | (#19101397)

You're absolutely right - it's the ONE thing that makes that hacking different from the regular approach.

Personally, I think this is a completely overlooked field (which is understandable as they're all under the table). I think we should immediately seek Congressional funding and investigate if being in physical symbiosis with an attractive member of the opposite sex improves crypto and code breaking performance (I'm using 'physical symbiosis' to indicate that such research shouldn't be limited to just one specific approach - be thorough).

Who knows, Clinton may have simply been ahead of his time 8-).

Re:Uncharted territory (1)

Randseed (132501) | more than 7 years ago | (#19106237)

Who knows, Clinton may have simply been ahead of his time 8-).
Well, he was definately a little a head of his time. ;)

Re:Router in the Sky (1)

Nazlfrag (1035012) | more than 7 years ago | (#19101417)

The interesting part is that it's ip aware..

That's only 2 steps away from self-aware, right?

I know, I know...

Re:Router in the Sky (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19102273)

One letter away from IQ aware. ;o)

Re:Router in the Sky (1)

Hal_Porter (817932) | more than 7 years ago | (#19109455)

Another example would be those f***ng moronic films where someone breaks "128-bit encryption" in 60 seconds because he has a gun to his head (or whatever).

I always thought it was ironic that any encryption Hollywood depends on like CSS or AACS seems to get broken so quickly. Maybe they think that it's supposed to be like that.

Uzi 9mm (0, Redundant)

berenixium (920883) | more than 7 years ago | (#19099867)

Feck it, I can't resist! Skynet's first self-aware thought: "Where in the world is Sarah Connor?"

Paradigm Secure Communications? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19099891)

Reminds me of a Dilbert strip.

Anonymous meeting member: My project is a whole new paradigm.
Dilbert: What's a paradigm?
A: Heh-heh... "What's a paradigm"... funny.
D: Seriously, what is it?
A: You know... paradigm, paradigmish...
A: As in, "this project is a paradigm."
A: But enough about my project... tell us about your project.
D: It's a paradigm.
D (whispering to A): They bought it.
Anonymous meeting member 2: My project is a paradigm too.

I can scan it if anyone wants to see it.

Re:Paradigm Secure Communications? (2, Informative)

moranar (632206) | more than 7 years ago | (#19101687)

No need, here it is [berkeley.edu]

Re:Paradigm Secure Communications? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19104433)

Damn... pwned by GIS. Thanks.

ICMP Warning (1)

xquark (649804) | more than 7 years ago | (#19100309)

Remember to duck and cover when they come

First po5t (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19101289)

again. There are new faces and man7 3ould choose to use

Grammar? (1)

Karganeth (1017580) | more than 7 years ago | (#19102613)

Skynet Means More Bandwidth for British

What happened to grammar? If it was about Americans, would it read "Skynet Means More Bandwidth for American"? I wouldn't have a problem with it if it said "the British", but that is not the case. It just reads as though the last part of the sentence (which would have been 'forces') has been sliced off.

Re:Grammar? (1)

elrous0 (869638) | more than 7 years ago | (#19115247)

Well, in this case, "British" (unlike "American") is a plural noun. So it would actually be akin to "Skynet Means More Bandwidth for Americans." And while that is a little on the informal side, it is perfectly fine for a headline.

WTF?!?!?! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19107527)

Skynet actually EXISTS?!?!?!?! Yeah, it WOULD be built by the British...

Isn't that the name... (1)

Sketch2 (678894) | more than 7 years ago | (#19116255)

of the company that created the Treminator? Great name! ;-) smp
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