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Apple Sues Over iGasm Ads

CowboyNeal posted more than 7 years ago | from the too-hot-to-rock dept.

Media (Apple) 342

funkeymonkeyman writes "Apple is less than pleased with an interesting new peripheral for the iPod which promises to 'take your appreciation of music to a whole new level.' Legal action has been taken against Ann Summers, the manufacturers of the new device, specifically for the similarity of the iGasm advertisements to the iconic iPod silhouette ads. The CEO of the adult retail chain replied to the threat cheerily, 'Perhaps I can send them an iGasm to put a smile back on their faces.'"

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342 comments

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I don't know about you (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265261)

But iCame.

Re:I don't know about you (0, Redundant)

instagib (879544) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265381)

ROFL!! Best AC first post joke I've seen.

Re:I don't know about you (5, Informative)

Rude Turnip (49495) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265593)

How about...i'llgetfiredprobablytomorrowforfollowingaN SFWlinkfarkyouneal

Re:I don't know about you (1, Insightful)

Benaiah (851593) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265849)

You can't patent the letter "i" or any word that starts with "i".
There is nothing wrong with what this chick is doing.
Its only available in adult shops... This is just corporate bullying.
 

Re:I don't know about you (2, Insightful)

Bob of Dole (453013) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266023)

Apple is upset because of the ADS, not because of the name or the product.
She's using the colored background + black silhouettes style of their iPod ads.

Re:I don't know about you (-1, Troll)

aichpvee (631243) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266173)

Apple didn't invent silhouettes. I also seem to remember apple ripping off a Postal Service music video for an ad a while back and all you mac fanbois defending that. Just shut up you hypocritical bastards! Don't you have a blue apple to worship or something?

Re:I don't know about you (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19266051)

You can't patent the letter "i"
Your first sentence demonstrates such a lack of understanding of the issue that there's no need to read the rest of your post.

No bad publicity (4, Interesting)

farker haiku (883529) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265265)

And suddenly she's going to make a shitload of money because of the lawsuit.

Re:No bad publicity (2, Funny)

sunwukong (412560) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265655)

Yike -- poor choice of words! How soon until iTubGirl?!

Re:No bad publicity (4, Funny)

chuckymonkey (1059244) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266167)

Exactly, I never heard of it before this. Now I'm going to buy one for my wife just to see it in action.

Re:No bad publicity (2, Funny)

mrbluze (1034940) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266175)

And suddenly she's going to make a shitload
That has to stink!

Let me correct that headline for you. (5, Insightful)

Whiney Mac Fanboy (963289) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265269)

Headline should read:

Apple's usual litigation-trigger-happy attitude has netted an incalculable amount of free publicity to Anne Summers.

I can't really see how Apple can claim some sort of copyright over silhouettes. I mean - the original iPod adds seemed very.... reminiscent of the James Bond opening credits sequences from the 70s.

Perhaps Apple is jealous that the Anne Summers' logo also contains an Apple [wikimedia.org] .

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (5, Insightful)

Xiroth (917768) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265423)

To be honest, I seriously doubt they actually care - popular peripherals can only increase the demand for their products. All they're doing is ensuring that there's a clear gap between them so that if some think-of-the-children types kick up a fuss then they can say 'We have nothing to do with them - look, we even tried to shut them down via lawsuit.'

This kind of publicity helps both parties, and I say more power to them if the media is running with it.

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (1)

c_forq (924234) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265765)

If I had mod points, you would get +1 Insightful.

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (4, Insightful)

Boogaroo (604901) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265443)

This wouldn't be a copyright issue. You can't copyright a style, but you can trademark it. There's still a catch there. You have actively defend your trademark or you lose it. You also have to apply for a trademark(unlike copyright where it's automatically a given). I think Apple's on the losing side of this issue. After all, you've pointed out one other example of the same idea. I'm sure it won't be hard for a decent lawyer to come up with a few more.

Honestly? I agree with your point: Apple has just given tons of free advertising to the iGasm product.
Regardless of any result of the lawsuit, they'll probably have quite a few sales they wouldn't have gotten. Question is, will it pay more than the lawyer's fees.

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (1)

robgig1088 (1043362) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265699)

I dont think it matters whether they lose or win. I think the lawsuit is just to let people know that hey, they arent a part of it and they dont support it. Its just an image thing. They dont want people thinking that Apple sells a waterproof massager.

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (3, Insightful)

Whiney Mac Fanboy (963289) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265853)

You can't copyright a style, but you can trademark it.

No. You can't trademark a style.

RTFA (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265751)

Apple's usual litigation-trigger-happy attitude


They sent a letter asking them to stop and any legal threat was only implied, not overtly stated.

Whatever your opinion, you can't call that trigger-happy.

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (1)

mwvdlee (775178) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265905)

Let me correct that headline again;

"Apple Sues Over Advertising Copy-Cats".

This seems more about the fact that they're stealing their advertising style than about whether it's a sex toy. The ads are a blatant ripoff; basically they are identical except for the wires leading a different direction. Don't you think Apple would have sued just as much if the ads were about headphones or such?

Anne Summers' logo (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265937)

Pardon me, but... that ain't no apple [wikipedia.org] .

Re:Let me correct that headline for you. (5, Insightful)

fractoid (1076465) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266021)

I can't really see how Apple can claim some sort of copyright over silhouettes. I mean - the original iPod adds seemed very.... reminiscent of the James Bond opening credits sequences from the 70s.
Isn't that Apple's approach to all of their 'revolutionary' stylistic stuff? "We stole it first. You can't have it!"

wow.. (1)

nothing now (1062628) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265285)

'love egg' call it a it is people. Here's a new name... the vibrator!
I sugguest Slayer for your 'fun'

Re:wowee zowee.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265449)

Me fail English? That's unpossible! FFS, do you read what you write?

Re:wowee zowee.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265625)

Could you really not understand what he was saying, or were you nitpicking his writing to make yourself feel better about your own insecurities?

Do you realize that when you take time out to criticize a poster's language ability, it's a lose-lose proposition?

You're revealing to the world that either:

      1) You're not capable of decoding a moderately damaged message in your native language.

      2) You understood what he said perfectly, but have nothing else to contribute.

Revenge (3, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265297)

Rather than sue, Apple can fight fire with fire by introducing the OrgPod.

Re:Revenge (1)

hitmanWilly1337 (1034664) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265323)

I was thinking more along the lines of iProbe...

Re:Revenge (1)

plover (150551) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265363)

Don't forget the iBrator [flamingmailbox.com] .

Only suing vibrators? (5, Informative)

adona1 (1078711) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265299)

Personally, I'm surprised they haven't started suing the iGoatse [extraneo.it] ...which almost makes me wish I had an iPod ;)

Re:Only suing vibrators? (3, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265335)

Personally, I'm surprised they haven't started suing the iGoatse [link]...which almost makes me wish I had an iPod ;)

iNot gonna click that link. Volunteers?
     

Come on, be a man! (1)

anss123 (985305) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265355)

What is the worst thing that can happen?

Re:Come on, be a man! (4, Insightful)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265473)

What is the worst thing that can happen?

Um, a lifetime of reoccuring horrid flasbacks like one's own personal Clockwork Orange.
           

Re:Only suing vibrators? (1)

exspecto (513607) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265415)

It's safe and funny, and gives a new meaning to "stretching your dollar".

Re:Only suing vibrators? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265441)

It's an iPod cover reminiscent of everyone's favorite gape. Strangely, it doesn't make you look any gayer than the iPod already did.

Re:Only suing vibrators? (1)

veganboyjosh (896761) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265457)

i clicked it. it's a cover for an ipod, with the click wheel exposed by a pair of hands pulling apart a...hole. pretty funny, and not any grosser than that picture of "god's" hands pulling apart the sky. a reference that the only people who would think is gross would be people who know wtf goatse is.

Re:Only suing vibrators? (4, Funny)

Lehk228 (705449) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265631)

it works better on the black ipod with the red click wheel

Re:Only suing vibrators? (1)

weighn (578357) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265867)

it works better on the black ipod with the red click wheel
you know those fluro sox that they sell as iPod covers? Well do they come in black fishnet?

Re:Only suing vibrators? (1)

jcgf (688310) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265477)

I checked it out, it's just an ipod cover designed in such a way to look like fingers holding open the part where the wheel is. The cover in question is pink and not at all realistic looking. Take a look, it isn't gross or disturbing at all.

Re:Only suing vibrators? (1)

Tatisimo (1061320) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265605)

Nothing shocking. Only a bad joke for an ipod cover referencing to that one site. I've seen it before. You'd never get it if you didn't know what that site was about anyway.

Aaaarrrrrragggg! (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265519)

Don't
Clikc
It !!!!
Youll be sorry

ugh (1)

lordvalrole (886029) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265317)

Doesn't Apple have anything better to do? If anything it will help sale more ipods.

Re:ugh (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265337)

in b4 zoom

Attention Slashdotters: (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265343)

Sex. That is all.

Re:Attention Slashdotters: (2, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265557)

Sex. That is all.

We're just jealous a cheap little machine gets more than us. And I thought offshoring was bad...
   

Anybody here try it? (4, Interesting)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265373)

Have any of you slashgals tried it yet? Does it work, or is it just a gimmick?

Re:Anybody here try it? (1)

flyingsquid (813711) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265445)

Wait a minute. There are actually women on this site?

Re:Anybody here try it? (5, Funny)

martinX (672498) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265475)

I tried it. It hurt my bum.

Hang on, this is for chicks to use? Man, was I duped...

Re:Anybody here try it? (2, Informative)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265703)

Hang on, this is for chicks to use? Man, was I duped...It hurt my bum.

The multisex one is called R-fuss. (Say it over and over if the name ain't click at first.)
       

This has been done before (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265407)

A few years back, RMS released GNU/Gasm, an open source package similar to this one. The only downside was that it only worked with his songs.

Re:This has been done before (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265671)

Ah, that hurts just thinking about it.

He's a great programmer, and he's done awesome work putting forth his views on software distribution, but the man needs to know his limits.

Let me correct the headline for you... (0, Flamebait)

nweaver (113078) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265425)

A blatent ripoff add design specifically designed to cause confusion in the markeplace and violate trademarks was the target of apple's laywers.

Re:Let me correct the headline for you... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265549)

...since we all know that parodies are violations of trademarks... ...shit, I guess SNL will be going off the air faster than I thought.

Re:Let me correct the headline for you... (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265571)

since we all know that parodies are violations of trademarks

It isn't a parody. It's a direct rip-off intended to sell a product.

Re:Let me correct the headline for you... (1)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266111)

dear sleepy mods, did you just mix up your "redundant" button (no pun intended) with your "informative" button? parent is repeating (almost) word for word what GP already said and adds nothing new to the discussion...


Parent:

It isn't a parody. It's a direct rip-off intended to sell a product.
GP:

A blatent ripoff add design specifically designed to cause confusion in the markeplace and violate trademarks was the target of apple's laywers.

Can you spell "commercial speech"? (2, Interesting)

argent (18001) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265787)

Commercial speech doesn't have the same protections as other kinds of speech. Parody isn't a "get out of jail free" card in any case, but "parodying" another company's commercial, AND for a related product, that's a guaranteed losing move.

Re:Can you spell "commercial speech"? (1)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266129)

I'm still not sure how SNL survives in this equation... It's not like they are a non-profit organization. (And their product is very much linked to the parodies they produce.)

Let me re-correct the headline for you... (1)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265825)

Depressing to see that you got upmodded as informative while we all know that parody is fair use and that the ad is clearly designed not to confuse the consumer (or do you put your earplugs in your vagina?). But on the other hand, I am also wondering why Apple chose to sue *this* parody over all the others that are out there. Maybe because it depicted a woman that didn't need a man for sexual pleasure, instead of a woman as *the* sexual object of the male gaze [wikipedia.org] . I guess the corporation, as a legal person [wikipedia.org] , thinks using its legal penis?


Here's my new headline for this: Apple's phallus, threatened by self-pleasing woman, sends out lawyers for witch hunt.

Re:Let me re-correct the headline for you... (1)

i-thinkTwentyTwo (1104947) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265989)

I have to disagree. If the ad resembles Apple's ads it isn't far-fetched to assume that Apple is either endorsing or producing the product. Whilst I'm sure the ad would be quite something to see, this connection is probably not desirable for Apple. My feeling would be that Apple doesn't want to stop them selling the iGasm, merely from associating the iGasm so strongly with Apple.

Re:Let me correct the headline for you... (5, Funny)

Whiney Mac Fanboy (963289) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265941)

specifically designed to cause confusion in the markeplace

Confusion?

If you can't tell the difference between a sex toy & a portable music player, then.... well, let's just say I don't want to borrow your iPod.

MS-Dildows (2, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265429)

My wife bought a MS-Dildows 2.0, but it got stuck in there. We can't get it out until we put a new battery in, but the battery opening is facing inward. I told her before to use Lipnux instead, but she had to go conventional.
       

Re:MS-Dildows (1)

instagib (879544) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265513)

Wait a minute. The battery opening is facing inward, but she "had to go conventional"? What the hell would be unconventional??

Re:MS-Dildows (1)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265585)

The battery opening is facing inward,

I meant on the side that is inside the body. I need Porno ascii art to explain it I guess.
         

iGasm Haiku (4, Funny)

Chas (5144) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265435)

Little pod I see
The screaming, it's so damn loud
Anger or pleasure?

Re:iGasm Haiku (1)

weighn (578357) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266019)

the white is smooth, pure
evoking untouched beauty
too bad she's a ho

I for one ... (2, Funny)

instagib (879544) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265453)

... welcome our new iGasm vibrated female colleague overload!

Re:I for one ... (4, Funny)

weighn (578357) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266155)

... welcome our new iGasm vibrated female colleague overload!
welcome our new iGasm vibrated female college undergrad!

There, fixed that for you

The iGasm is ok, but.... (3, Informative)

appleguru (1030562) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265461)

...the OhMiBod vibrator rocks its socks off ;) I got one for my girlfriend for her birthday this year and I've been seeing less of her ever since. http://www.ohmibod.com/ [ohmibod.com]

Re:The iGasm is ok, but.... (2, Funny)

DigitallyChallenged (992986) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265627)

I made the same mistake. Now she loves it, not me. I miss her.

Re:The iGasm is ok, but.... (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265715)

You're posting to slashdot. With account name "appleguru". And your link goes to a site about modding video game consoles. Of the millions of people reading slashdot, I can count on one hand the number of people that believe you.

Unless by "girlfriend" you meant "girl I barely know, who filed sexual harrassment charges after I creeped her out with an OhMiBod vibrator gift." That one I'd believe.

Re:The iGasm is ok, but.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265879)

That explains the restraining order I just got... mmmmm.

$69? (1)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265949)

Are you kidding me? Ouch!

iGasm beat (4, Funny)

Vskye (9079) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265533)

I'd have to say that the Metallica song whiplash would even make Hilary Clinton smile with this outfit. (turn it up Bill, turn it UP!!!) We might even get lucky, and she'll be so happy that it will keep her out of politics. (one can only wish)

Re:iGasm beat (5, Funny)

X0563511 (793323) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265669)

Please, don't EVER make a comment combining Hillary Clinton and a sex toy. EVER. The mind is an eye one cannot gouge out.

Re:iGasm beat (1)

Vskye (9079) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265801)

That was frick'in funny!! LMAO! Mod this one up.

Apple is right (1)

SpeedyG5 (762403) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265559)

If she is going to use it for commercial gain then she should get permission period. If she can't they she should get her own ad firm to come up with one for her. What a hack! Another company that can't come up with its own ideas, Microsoft should sue her for Process Pantent infringment, they are the ones that usually steal Apples Ideas.

Now we know... (4, Funny)

figleaf (672550) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265601)

...why the Apple silhouette shakes so much.

Great for Apple (0, Redundant)

klaiber (117439) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265609)

By making a fuss over this, Apple
(1) creates more buzz (ooops, sorry) about the iPod, while
(2) keeping its squeaky-clean image.
And of course Ann Summers makes a boatload of money. In fact, it's so much of a win-win-situation for both parties that I wonder whether Apple put Ann Summers up to this. If they didn't, they should've! :-)

(Hmmm... rebember the iBrator of many years ago? [http://www.geneffects.com/briarskin/ibrator/ibrat or.html] Okay, so that one *was* a parody.)

More seriously, though, Apple do have a point about the "look" of their ads getting ripped off. And Ann Summers cannot really claim it's a parody --- after all, they're trying to sell product. Trademark protection and all that. But really, great for both parties, and good entertainment for the rest of us.

OhMiBod is next I bet (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265661)

I bet OhMiBod [ohmibod.com] is next on Apple's hitlist - I mean, the thing even has a low level iTunes integration [ohmibod.com] FFS!.

streisand effect again (3, Insightful)

e**(i pi)-1 (462311) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265679)

Again the Streisand effect [wikipedia.org] but with an other twist: while every lawyer by now knows about this phenomenon, they take it into account but still chose legal action is taken to prevent other people to repeat this. What they do not realize yet is that advertisers or product managers will in future even more try to use names and pictures close to successful other pictures in order to use the free publicity from a lawsuit.

Hello the future's Microsoft (3, Funny)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265687)

I know that you won't get this and hence mod me down. That's fine.


But they are trying to form a cultural monopoly... Very much like what Microsoft is doing. But different from Microsoft, in this case at least, they are using the society's negative feelings towards women's sexuality when it is freed of men. It is also interesting to observe how women's sexuality is desirable for Apple (just like for any other corporation) when it is the object of the male gaze, and undesirable when it is depicted as self-governing, hence not needing the presence of a penis.

Re:Hello the future's Microsoft (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265723)

so are you saying this is a reDICKulous lawsuit?

I don't know. I kind of like my penis, and I also kind of like it when a woman needs a penis, preferably mine. But I used all of my mod points this afternoon on a much less amusing thread, so you're safe. :)

(alas, no one has needed it in many years... which is why I am posting on slashdot on a thread about an ipod vibrator that I will probably never buy, see, use, or get within 10 feet of knowingly...)

Re:Hello the future's Microsoft (1)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265907)

lol

alas, no one has needed it in many years... which is why I am posting on slashdot on a thread about an ipod vibrator that I will probably never buy, see, use, or get within 10 feet of knowingly...
A bit offtopic but still... You reminded me of this: if you buy this item, you will have to buy an iPod too. So really, Apple is using his penis too much in his thinking activities... This product is actually profitable for him. I guess sometimes your penis is more important than your profit (eat that, Chomsky!).

Re:Hello the future's Microsoft (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265925)

My penis is almost more important than food. Except I need food to keep my penis alive.

It all... umm.. balances out in the end.

Re:Hello the future's Microsoft (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265917)

postmodern buzzword alert: "male gaze."

It doesn't seem like this is a male hegemony issue, although after three years of LCS courses I know all too well how easy it is to use feminist theory to analyze everything. I honestly don't think the issue here is the presentation of females as sexually independent of men, it's that product x is being marketed using a knock-off of Apple's Style(TM). I'd imagine they'd still be going after the company if they made the iVag (a male sex toy.)

Young wippersnappers (2, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265719)

Back in my day we had to use popsickle sticks, paperclips, and wound-up rubberbands. (That's where the name "whippersnapper" came from.) You young'uns have it easy. Kiss my iShov you spoiled punks!
       

Re:Young wippersnappers (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19265803)

Back in my day we had to use popsickle sticks, paperclips, and wound-up rubberbands.

So that's why McGyver was so popular with the babes.
       

when life gets you down (1)

mr_musan (1075927) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265743)

read slashdot and you'll be cheered up by the absurdity of it all

"on the go" (1, Funny)

weighn (578357) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265805)

brings a whole new feel to your "on the go" playlist,
just make sure all your tunes end with a long ritard

Re:"on the go" (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265865)

You mean Ron Jeremy?

Ohhhh, you said long ritard. My bad.

duh (4, Funny)

zobier (585066) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265823)

This is about the third time something like this has come up and I can't believe I still haven't seen the alternate name iRod suggested.

Re:duh (1)

JustShootMe (122551) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265839)

Or maybe the iMwet?

Weird (1, Flamebait)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265869)

Did they trademark photos and images containing a silhouette with overexposed pixels that form a line in them? Or did they trademarked silhouettes that listen to music? Or dance?


I guess a monopoly is a monopoly, whether it is Microsoft or Apple...

iFuck (5, Funny)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265883)

Gals, go natural and organic and let me introduce (in) to you my iFuck device. Its free and requires no batteries.

Re:iFuck (1)

weighn (578357) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265921)

Gals, ...
sorry, this is slashdot

*checks if gashdot.org is available*

Re:iFuck (1, Redundant)

towsonu2003 (928663) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266037)

my iFuck device. Its free and requires no batteries.
So your tiny mushroom doesn't suffer from these [craigslist.org] or similar security vulnerabilities?
For our lazy friends:

1) My new "cyberskin friend" guarantees that I'll never feel that huge disappointment when I fumble in a man's drawers and find what feels like a tiny mushroom. Great, I used to think. 2 inches of hard-on. There's no time a wasting when I can reach into my drawer for 6 3/8" of fun EVERY TIME. Gotta dig that!

2) If I want to direct some attention (and time) to my pleasure button, I don't get rolled eyes and grimaces. Mr. Cyberskin ALWAYS goes where I want him. And since I can direct Mr. C, I don't have to deal with fingers jammed on my cli+ like I'm a video game. Mr. C knows that a bare brush back and forth does the trick.

3) No more refusals from uptight Irish-Catholics when I move Mr. C to my back door. With some lube, it's all good for my vibrating buddy. And thank you, my cyrberskin friend, for being so openminded. With a quick clean up in warm water and soap, he's ready for more.

4) When it's time for a break, I don't have to sit through irritating "whew, whew, whew" from The Three Stooges. No annoying sports games on tv. The tv clicker is all mine.

5) Instead of buying my "he's got potential" boyfriend dinner AGAIN, all I need is two AA batteries.

6) If I get bored with Mr. Cyberskin, I can dump him in the drawer. It's a no fuss break-up. And no lingering friendships with his in-laws or whatever. (Every guy's in-laws fall in love with me... I'm beautiful, smart, educated and like people... it's a curse). With Mr. C, it's a clean break... until I'm in the mood again. Then it's outta the drawer and back in action. Ahhhhh, there you are Mr. C.

7) Mr. C is NEVER self-centered. He never grabs my head to jam it down on his (sometimes smells like urine) penis. Nope. Mr. C is all about my needs. Believe me... it's refreshing.

8) Mr. C can go rough or gentle... he knows just what I need and delivers it. No more trying to communicate with a man who isn't interested in what I need. No second guessing. It's all on order. If I'm in a quickie mood, it's like a drive-thru orgasm. If I want to linger, it's a lot of teasing and seduction that will drive me to moaning in no time.

9) My cyberskin pal never drives me around the city, lost. He leaves the driving up to me. If I want, I can always stash him in a brown paper sack and put him in the glove compartment. He loves to travel.

10) I don't have to apologize to Mr. C for just wanting a decent f*ck and not a lot of dilly-dallying around. No wasting time "building a relationship" so I can feel good about my need to get laid. With Mr. C, we got close right away--and I sense we won't be parted for long.

11) Mr. C isn't just hot during the honeymoon stage. He NEVER calls me up and tells me he's too busy, tired or too-much of an asshole to drive over to my place for FREE sex.

12) Even though my cyberskin pal won't buy me dinner, a new dress or take me to Bermuda, he's the best, most consistent boyfriend I've ever had. And he's never made a pass at my girlfriends, slept around on me behind my back, stunk up my bathroom, farted in bed, called me at work or made me ashamed to take him to a party.

Re:iFuck (1)

MadUndergrad (950779) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266163)

Wow, whoever wrote that advertisement really hates men. Somehow I don't think any guys will be buying any of those for their girls.

Re:iFuck (2, Funny)

Speedracer1870 (1041248) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266041)

But it's so small, so very small... I think I'd get more pleasure from sticking my iPod there instead.

Ann Summers (5, Informative)

Animats (122034) | more than 7 years ago | (#19265933)

If you haven't spent much time in the UK, you may not realize that Ann Summers is a major retail chain, with hundreds of sex shops. It's like Victoria's Secret in the US, but harder-core.

Not really work safe ... (0)

The Sith Lord (111494) | more than 7 years ago | (#19266101)

A "Not Entirely Safe For Work" statement might have been nice ...
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