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Uwe Boll Has Three Picture Distribution Deal

Zonk posted more than 7 years ago | from the for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy-make-the-burning-stop dept.

Movies 63

1up is reporting that famed, beloved film-maker Uwe Boll has landed a three-picture deal with a company called FreeStyle. They're going to be releasing three Boll-helmed films to theatres across the country. The three films are Postal, Dungeon Siege, and an original work by the director called Seed. "The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds -- means Freestyle's putting their muscle behind the fantasy epic. Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems."

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Three full length movies?! (4, Funny)

Chris Burke (6130) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441109)

I saw the headline that said "three pictures" as in still images and thought to myself "Yeah, that's about the right length for a Uwe Boll film".

Re:Three full length movies?! (2, Informative)

RingDev (879105) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441821)

Oddly enough, last I heard his Dungeon Seige movie was like 4 1/2 hours and was getting split into 2 releases (thanks giving/x-mas).

-Rick

Pavlovian Reaction (4, Funny)

Puff of Logic (895805) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441165)

Am I the only one who involuntarily flinches whenever news comes out about movies based on games? I swear, it's an actual physical reaction to mental trauma!

Re:Pavlovian Reaction (1)

Spazntwich (208070) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441215)

Far from it. It's a wonder the man has enough self-respect... or lack of shame to continue making films.

He's a disgrace to the notion of art, and humanity.

Not him, them! (1)

dazedNconfuzed (154242) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441349)

I can see Uwe making more films.
What flabergasts me is that major actors are still voluntarily acting in them.

Re:Not him, them! (3, Funny)

frosty_tsm (933163) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441371)

John Rhys-Davies just wants to be a dwarf again.

Re:Not him, them! (1)

Spazntwich (208070) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441467)

Hollywood has always functioned on its own rules of what could be loosely referred to as "logic," but you're right: The actions of movie studios, actors, and Uwe himself all serve to confuse the everloving crap out of me.

Re:Not him, them! (3, Interesting)

notreallyunique (1049146) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441645)

What flabergasts me is why studios still like him. House of the Dead (2003) Budget: $7MM; Domestic gross: $10MM Alone in the Dark (2005) Budget: $20MM; Domestic gross: $5.13MM Bloodrayne (2005) Budget: $25MM; Domestic gross: $1.55MM In all 3 cases I couldn't find any significant foreign box office numbers (might have missed those somehow though). Ignoring film quality, I could understand studios taking a risk and giving him more small films to take a crack at. The risk/reward is probably pretty good given how healthy the gaming market is. I don't understand why they're taking an even bigger bet on him though.

Re:Not him, them! (2, Interesting)

Rude Turnip (49495) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442163)

It's all about tax write-offs.

Re:Not him, them! (1)

blincoln (592401) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443201)

It's all about tax write-offs.

My understanding is that it used to be, but the loophole he operated under was closed. So in this case I assume he suckered the new distributor into believing they will actually manage to turn a profit?

Re:Not him, them! (1)

khallow (566160) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444691)

Uwe Boll still in business means that there's at least one more loophole out there.

Re:Not him, them! (1)

jollyreaper (513215) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442675)

What flabergasts me is why studios still like him.
Either he has some very incriminating photos of studio execs or he just gives good head.

Re:Not him, them! (1)

tibike77 (611880) | more than 7 years ago | (#19450535)

They sold relatively well on DVD and other non-cinema media.
They more than made back their budged, every last one of them.
Sadly.

Re:Not him, them! (1)

montyzooooma (853414) | more than 7 years ago | (#19463387)

To be honest, I thought Bloodrayne was okay for a low budget movie. Haven't seen the rest and have no intention, I'm just a sucker for vampires...

Re:Not him, them! (1)

Phoenix00017 (1017168) | more than 7 years ago | (#19466717)

I'm pretty sure those domestic gross numbers are purely box office numbers (and Bloodrayne was $2.4MM, not $1.55MM (which was opening weekend), but that's just nitpicky). It's very possible, though I haven't found numbers to support the theory, that the DVD sales/rentals can add significantly to these figures. Does anyone know if generally how box office revenue compares to DVD revenue, specifically from the studio's perspective?

However, beyond financials, you're right - why would a studio want to associate themselves with such utter crap? All three of the movies you identified are listed in IMDB's worst 100 movies of all time [imdb.com] , with House of the Dead claiming the worst of the 3 at the #20 worst movie ever. That's quite a track record.

Re:Pavlovian Reaction (1)

Ngarrang (1023425) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441615)

Leelee Sobieski...

That was all I needed to read. I would watch her reading the phone book.

Re:Pavlovian Reaction (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19442169)

I would jerk off to her reading a phone book.

Re:Pavlovian Reaction (1)

bladesjester (774793) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444215)

She is indeed most attractive. Of course, I would also say similar things about Kristanna Loken, and watching Blood Rayne was a traumatic experience...

Heck, even House of the Dead would have been a decent cheesy B horror movie if he hadn't insisted on putting those stupid scenes from the game in the movie...

Re:Pavlovian Reaction (1)

HullBreachOnline.com (1104555) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444769)

My knee-jerk reaction is the same as yours, but my second thought is how satisfied I'd feel if Mike Tyson made a Punch-Out movie with Uwe Boll where Boll played the part of Little Mac.

Second best. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19441203)

"The three films are Postal, Dungeon Siege, and an original work by the director called Seed."

Going Postal. Dungeon Prisoner, and Spore, er no Seed. Ah well it's all genetics.

Favors? (2)

frooddude (148993) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441233)

How many times does Uwe Boll go down for a deal like this? Silver tongue? Hypnosis? Pact with Satan?

Re:Favors? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19446659)

German mafia. German mafia. German mafia. German mafia. German mafia.

Your comment violated the "postercomment" compression filter. Try less whitespace and/or less repetition. Comment aborted.

German mafia. German mafia. German mafia. German mafia. German mafia.

Distribution? (2, Funny)

WidescreenFreak (830043) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441257)

"considering Bloodrayne's distribution problems"??? You're joking right? The problem was that Bloodrayne was distributed at all! *shudder* And once again he's trying to hide his pathetic movie making "skills" with some high-profile name. Hey, if Ben Kingsley and that honey Kristianna Lokken couldn't save Bloodrayne I'm not sure how he thinks that doing it again will someone work. Apparently, this company that's giving him these three films has not heard of the phrase about learning from history.

Ooh. I'd better be careful lest Boll challenge me to a boxing match. Unfortunately, he's a better boxer than filmmaker. Then again, he probably does everything better than filmmaking. :P

At least (1)

Luminus (34868) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441283)

We can thank god that no one cares much for these franchises. After what he's done to actually well-appreciated, deserving games...at least he's not helming a Final Fantasy movie, is what I'm trying to say.

Problems (2, Funny)

Bugs42 (788576) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441285)

Opening January 18, 2008, the film's scheduled to appear in at least 2,500 screens -- a nice score for Boll, considering BloodRayne's distribution problems.
Silly me, and here I was thinking that BloodRayne's failure was due to it being a crap movie.

Atleast... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19441375)

Atleast hes is still doing what he does best

Sweet Finally (3, Funny)

Sciros (986030) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441603)

Uwe Boll is my favorite movie director and producer, and fight choreographer of all time. He should make a movie a week because I would watch them all! Bloodrayne was one of the best movies ever because of Kristanna's amazing breasts and Billy Zane's pimp toupee that looked like he kept it in a pocket right up until the camera started rolling in every scene and hastily kinda just slapped it on, barely checking if it was even right-side-up.

Forget Peter Jackson and Halo. Uwe Boll is the only man for that job. And for Zelda as well. I can't wait for his awesome Oscar-sweeping epic Dungeon Siege movie; I assume Burt Reynolds plays the donkey.

Re:Sweet Finally (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19443307)

I assume Burt Reynolds plays the donkey.
I'd like to see that. I took donkey playing lessons a few ears back and it's harder than it looks. I wonder if he'll be playing it himself, or whether it will be dubbed in?

Re:Sweet Finally (2, Informative)

PixelScuba (686633) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444575)

Actually, that role is being played by John Leguizamo [penny-arcade.com] .

Finally! (2, Funny)

brainlessbob (973044) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441729)

His movies gets the attention they deserves and I hope it atleast ends the overall negative publicity his movies gets. They may not be masterpieces but they definently are alot better than what many says.

Re:Finally! (1)

DurendalMac (736637) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442095)

No, they are not a lot better. They are festering warts and cancerous polyps on the rectum of filmmaking. Boll has absolutely no talent and churns out some of the worst garbage Hollywood has ever seen. Here's hoping this is Boll's last gasp. These three films are going to tank, FreeStyle will abandon him, and then hopefully no one will ever fund his films again.

Re:Finally! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19445303)

Have you SEEN house of the dead? JESUS CHRIST!

Big name actors (1)

MontyApollo (849862) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441741)

"The high-profile cast of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Leelee Sobieski, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard and Burt Reynolds

The big name actors made Bloodrayne seem even worse to me - I kept thinking what the fuck are you doing in this crappy movie?

And what are you even doing in this type of movie? I'm looking at you Michael Madsen. And you Michelle Rodriguez.

And the material they had to work with made them look like really lousy actors. What a disaster.

Mandatory Penny Arcade Link (2, Informative)

JMZero (449047) | more than 7 years ago | (#19441995)

Dungeon Siege: The Movie [penny-arcade.com]

Oversaturated (1)

Shky (703024) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442135)

This is good, people! If Uwe floods the market with his crappy films, perhaps poorly acted, written, and directed films will fall out of favour! People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

So don't worry everybody, we can count on the market and people's good sense and intelligence to fix the problem.

Right...?

Re:Oversaturated (3, Insightful)

suv4x4 (956391) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443167)

People will go to the cinema and think: "Wow, looks like they totally Uwe'd this movie, let's check out something else."

It's not how it works. You see, some movies are so bad, I mean SO BAD, that they're good. The canonical example is "Plan 9 from outer space" (you gotta check this out).

If you thought Plan 9 is funny, then you will love Uwe's "Alone in the Dark" quite a bit more. The movie is so hilarious, that if they marketed it as a parody, I'd never suspect anything else.

The script, acting, editing, effects: everything is going to crack you up. And this is why, I like Uwe's movies and watch them. Especially good if you go watch it with some friends.

Re:Oversaturated (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19467517)

And booze only makes it funnier.

On a side note, for another horribly funny movie, check out Zardoz. It stars Sean Connery. I don't think I need to say more.

Burt Reynolds? (1)

kidcharles (908072) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442157)

Burt Reynolds in a medieval fantasy movie? Here's some working titles:

Smokey and the Rogue
The Longest Furlong
The Best Little Whorehouse in Middle Earth
Cannonball Run

Re:Burt Reynolds? (1)

DJNephilim (832695) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443059)

You forgot: Boogie Knights

Does It REALLY Matter? (1)

morari (1080535) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442197)

Uwe Boll, video game based films, etc... Does it really make a difference when almost all big name films coming out are complete and utter shit anyway?

License to kill movies (2, Funny)

Dewser (853519) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442201)

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Why hasn't someone taken this man's movie making license away!!!??? And what frickin suckers would give this guy money to make movies in the first place?????

The best scene in Bloodrayne was Meatloaf's naked vamp chick harem, then you he actually had to throw meatloaf in that scene which took it down a bunch of notches.

I saw a brief story a while back on Postal and thought to myself, um, like the game REALLY didn't have much of a story line. It was pretty much "I've lost it, oo a gun! BANG BANG BANG!!!! I regret nothing" and blows off his head. How in the world could you figure that would make a good 1:30 movie?

Damn it Jack Thompson use your ignorance to do some good and stop Uwe Bolle from making movies!

Re:License to kill movies (1)

KDR_11k (778916) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442831)

Why hasn't someone taken this man's movie making license away!!!???

Because of a pesky law known as the first amendment. If there ever was a reason to abolish it it's this guy.

Re:License to kill movies (1)

qweqwe321 (1097441) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443413)

The way the German tax laws are written, Boll's backers get a big tax write-off for investing in his movies, regardless of whether they're any good. Thus, it's a win-win: the investors get a big tax reduction and Boll has a job.

Re:License to kill movies (1)

mink (266117) | more than 7 years ago | (#19467559)

Postal 2 has some bit of storyline.
Get your paycheck, go get some milk from the mini mart, return some library books, mundale life kind of stuff.

Dont remember a lot of the rest. Like why I ended up in a gimp suit, or the reason I had a sniper rifle. I do thank the thugs who were hunting me for managing to line up, because in that game the sniper rifle will actually penetrate through at least 3 people. They went down in one shot.

Ugh (1)

jollyreaper (513215) | more than 7 years ago | (#19442625)

That man takes to the movie camera like Jason Vorhees and hockey masks.

Postal? (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19442695)

You know, I have to admit I can't think of anyone more appropriate to make a movie out of that.

Bloodrayne? What about HotD? (1)

BobMcD (601576) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443079)

I can't believe we've all already forgiven him for House of the Dead (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317676/). Bloodrayne was bad? How's about a movie where if you're on the boat, it rains, but if you fall in the water it stops. Pan back to the boat, more rain...

Buddah help us!!! (0, Flamebait)

800DeadCCs (996359) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443173)

Cuz God's on a cig break, Allah's busy banging virgins, and Vishnu's vaccuuming Valhallah cuz the valkyries discovered dildos!

(seriously though, I think that all took more effort than any of his films... even on a friday).

Re:Buddah help us!!! (1)

WilliamSChips (793741) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444907)

In the time it took you to think up that post, David Banh got a masters degree in religion.

Opening January 18, 2008 (1)

DrXym (126579) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443447)

And closing Opening January 19, 2008. Seriously "Dungeon Siege" will have been sitting in the can for two years. Distributors are not stupid, if it was even slightly watchable it would have appeared before now.

Apocalypse now? (1)

mr-mafoo (891779) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443455)

Yet another sign of the imminent apocalypse, Uwe Boll gets a 3 movie deal.

I really thought (1)

Trails (629752) | more than 7 years ago | (#19443629)

that dungeon siege had already been finished, released and bombed. I really need to cut down on my spice consumption, prescience is too trippy.

What I really want to know is (1, Funny)

Z0mb1eman (629653) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444143)

How do you pronounce "Uwe Boll"? The closest I can come to is "you bowl", which doesn't sound like a name.

You know, so I can tell people to avoid his movies.

Re:What I really want to know is (1)

k_187 (61692) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444257)

its eww-vuh bol

Re:What I really want to know is (1)

Achoi77 (669484) | more than 7 years ago | (#19444817)

ooh-veh bowl

Re:What I really want to know is (3, Funny)

Ray Radlein (711289) | more than 7 years ago | (#19445909)

"Eeeew! Blows!"

January Opening? (1)

8tim8 (623968) | more than 7 years ago | (#19445081)

FYI January is the traditional dumping ground for studios. Films that studios believe will be big open in November-December to cash in on the holiday crowds. Smaller films that don't have mass appeal, but appeal more towards the "arthouse" crowds, open in late December in order to be in contention for Oscar consideration, then they are (hopefully) released big in February to March with ad campaigns trumpeting their Oscar nominations. Films that are neither arty nor will be popular open in January.

Congratulations Uwe!

I wish there were still offers to fight this guy. (0, Troll)

MatthewAnderson (1005607) | more than 7 years ago | (#19445457)

Unfortunately it looks as if willing participants were screened of any abilities to defend themselves, but I'd have gladly tried anyway...

This douchebag motherfucker arranged amateur boxing matches with a few people (like somethingawful's lowtax) who are just as critical of him as I am, but he did it in such a way as to guarantee his place as the winner by ensuring they didn't know how to fight, or could even be of the fitness to land a lucky shot or two. Like a total pussy.

Well, you fairy, if you ever open the door to that again, write me down as I'm totally going to game the system via whatever publicity channels are willing to participate to scam my way into the ring with you... and then I'm going to beat your fucking ass, Uwe Boll.

This is how it will go down:

It will hurt. You will require chiropractic therapy afterwards. Perhaps surgery. Perhaps care at the local ICU. Perhaps you should assign pall bearers. In any perspective I'm going to hit you in the face for ever assuming having talent entertaining people.

Love,

Matt

All of you - I have the answer (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19446363)

You want to know why Ewe gets to keep making movies? He explains it himself in an interview included on the Bloodrayne DVD: THE MOVIES MAKE A PROFIT

Yes, they are crappy. But he makes them on a small budget, thanks in part to German film tax credits, and they end up taking in more than it costs to make! So studios keep signing up for more.

"Uwe Boll and the German Tax Code" (Escapist) (3, Informative)

Allen Varney (449382) | more than 7 years ago | (#19446381)

For the second time in two days, I get to plug one of my Escapist articles: "Uwe Boll and the German Tax Code [escapistmagazine.com] ," which answers the perennial question "Why do people keep giving Boll money to make movies?" (Link goes to HTML text version.)

there is no God! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#19449351)

the existence of Uwe Boll proves that there is no God!

Re:there is no God! (1)

antifoidulus (807088) | more than 7 years ago | (#19452553)

I feel the exact opposite way, given his ahem track record, there must be SOME supernatural intervention. I think Uwe Boll proves that God exists and he enjoys playing really dumb practical jokes on humans.
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