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'Til Tech Do Us Part

CowboyNeal posted more than 7 years ago | from the pvrs-to-match-the-towels dept.

Upgrades 300

WSJdpatton writes "Marriage often requires coping with the loss of some individuality, whether it's adopting a spouse's last name or setting up a joint bank account. Now, some couples say it can be equally tricky to navigate intimacy in the digital sides of their lives. They are running into thorny questions regarding how much to share and how much to keep separate in areas ranging from email addresses to online calendars. For some young newlyweds, this means a debate over whether to combine their blogs. Longtime spouses, meanwhile, say perennial arguments about who has more closet space are now joined by bickering over which TV shows get deleted to make room on the TiVo."

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HuH (4, Insightful)

kamapuaa (555446) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113279)

The obvious question is, so what?

Re:HuH (5, Funny)

splatter (39844) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113299)

Amen!

Man I hate when my finance deletes stuff off the Replay before I get a chance to watch it.

Trust me this was around a 6 month battle, culminating in me telling her that if she didn't respect my Replay shows, I would remove all her Days of our lives and she would never get to find out what happened to Luke and boe or JR and Henry or who ever the hell is screwing the other ones wife /gf.

"I am root damn it!! quit erasing my shows!"

Trust me she got the point...

DP

Re:HuH (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113537)

"Man I hate when my finance deletes stuff off the Replay before I get a chance to watch it."

So what ever happen to the age-old problem of leaving the toilet seat up or down? Surely this is still a pressing matter in relationships today, no? And for all those who have had that argument with their better half you can tell them that it is a unisex toilet and who said the default position is down?

But, obviously, that will get you no where. I have yet to meet male that has won that argument. I guess mostly because of the time-tested, ancient Chinese proverb that says, "Man who fight with wife during day has no piece at night"

Re:HuH (3, Funny)

splatter (39844) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113605)

Ahh the toilet seat issue..

Actually interesting enough on that issue the two warring parties have met and decided on a mutual peace accord. Since both parties would not concede defeat, nor recognize the others principles as better or right to existence, it was issued that the only logical step was to cease warring on this matter, lay down arms & establish normal trade relations until broken by either party.

Almost 5 years now and the peace accord has held.

And your user Id is Splatter! LOL (4, Funny)

Blahbooboo3 (874492) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113951)

This from a user whose id is "SPLATTER" lol

Re:And your user Id is Splatter! LOL (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20114105)

This from a person that doesn't know the difference between a UID and a nickname.

Re:HuH (3, Informative)

Mattintosh (758112) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114055)

I know guys that have simply settled it by leaving the seat down for a while, not taking careful aim, and then not cleaning the seat. The women seem to relent on the issue after the first few times they sit in piss. At least the ones that aren't into golden showers...

Re:HuH (1)

quintesse (654840) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113663)

Come on, you really have fight over something as a simple movement of a toilet seat (either up or down)? I must have been really lucky with the gfs I've had (so what am I doing here on /.? ehm well yeah, I'm alone again and no it wasn't because of the toilet seat hehe)

Now, having fight over leaving the toilet _clean_ after use, that I can understand, but I have that fight with colleagues at work as well.

The Toilet Seat (5, Insightful)

theskunkmonkey (839144) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113667)

I found the perfect solution to this. The females of the household want the seat down as default so they won't fall in when they don't bother to look first.

My solution was to close both the seat and the lid. This gives neither side the advantage of default position.

Re:The Toilet Seat (3, Informative)

bar-agent (698856) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113811)

My solution was to close both the seat and the lid. This gives neither side the advantage of default position.

"A good compromise leaves neither side satisfied."

Re:The Toilet Seat (1)

TheRealMindChild (743925) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113917)

This is what I do. I've never had a toilet seat arguement.

Re:The Toilet Seat (3, Insightful)

Mattintosh (758112) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114085)

I do that simply to reduce the amount of fecal particles that end up on my toothbrush. Every time you flush, it's a poo fountain (think tubgirl only more diluted). You don't want aerosol feces on your toothbrush, hairbrush, drinking glass, or whatever else is around the sink, so just close the lid when you flush. If you're done, leave it closed.

Re:HuH (5, Funny)

mh1997 (1065630) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113807)

I have yet to meet male that has won that argument.
I have yet to meet a male that has won any argument. Unless you count winning as giving your wife the house, half your possessions, and most of your future income, while getting to keep all the debt.

Re:HuH (0)

Afecks (899057) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113837)

Look, it's a simple solution. There are 2 variables to examine. The position of the toilet seat and the desired seating position (which is typically based on the sex of the person and type of movement).

If the person wants to stand and the seat is up, no problem.

If the person wants to stand and the seat is down, lift the seat.

If the person wants to sit and the seat is down, no problem.

If the person wants to sit and the seat is up, possible ass contact with disgusting toilet water.

Us men are supposed to be logical so why is this even a question?

Re:HuH (2, Informative)

bladesjester (774793) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113859)

If the person wants to stand and the seat is down, lift the seat. ...
If the person wants to sit and the seat is up, possible ass contact with disgusting toilet water.


We have to check the position of the seat before we use it standing up, and it takes no more effort for them to put the seat down than it does for us to put it up.

You're the one not displaying logic.

Re:HuH (1)

Jane_Dozey (759010) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113941)

However, a woman needs it down *all* of the time whilst men need it down *some* of the time. The logical position would be down since that's where it needs to be most of the time.

Re:HuH (3, Funny)

c6gunner (950153) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113889)

If the person wants to sit and the seat is up, possible ass contact with disgusting toilet water.
Maybe if your SO is a flippin' retard, in which case I think you've got bigger problems than toilet seat positioning. You should probably be thanking God that you don't need to change her diapers. Anyone who manages to fall into a toilet is probably a few trillion neurons short of a complete brain.

Re:HuH (1)

TheRealMindChild (743925) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113981)

I laid out a simple decision for her concerning computer resources. Either you can be a Domain User on my domain, or you can be on your own, and have no access to it.

Re:HuH (3, Funny)

Eudial (590661) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113439)

The obvious question is, so what?


Indeed, this is slashdot, no one here has a girlfriend, let a lone a wife.

Re:HuH (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113685)

You mean a human girlfriend/wife?!! I thought most of you were dating/married to your machines.

Concede where you can... (1)

192939495969798999 (58312) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113731)

I could care less if my wife wants to take up the DVR with her shows, as long as i can get at least one episode of what i want in there. Now, if it were really important to me, we'd discuss it in advance for some particular show. That's called open communication, which is the cornerstone of any marriage. If you can't come to an agreement about which freaking shows go on the DVR, then you probably shouldn't be married to each other.

Putting things in perspective. (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113903)

My friend got caught by his wife. He was basically masturbating to bukkake photos on some online site. So instead of freaking out, she said she'd let him and some of his friends bukkake her. He ended up turning down the offer, as I imagine she had been expecting. But it just goes to show how putting things in perspective works out best for everyone.

Jesus Christ (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113285)

Get a fucking life. In the end, I don't know a married man on earth who hasn't been completely pussy-whipped. If you get married, your wife will own you; it's that fucking simple. End of story.

Re:Jesus Christ (5, Insightful)

dhwebb (526291) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113423)

I've been married for 10 years and I agree with you 100%. Men who don't take any crap from their wives normally end up divorced.

Re:Jesus Christ (-1, Troll)

gordo3000 (785698) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113583)

dude, it's simple....

want to get her to shut up, a swift boot to the head generally makes 'em think twice about bitching about the dishes

Re:Jesus Christ (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113791)

Clearly the only logical course of action is to cut your dick off with an axe and sidestep the whole fiasco.

Re:Jesus Christ (3, Insightful)

MidnightBrewer (97195) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113839)

I don't take any crap from my wife and I'm also not divorced. However, I am also smart enough to concede small things that just aren't worth arguing about.

Re:Jesus Christ (5, Insightful)

OS24Ever (245667) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113607)

Contrary to popular belief it's not a competition, it is cooperation. I'm not pussy whipped and she's not some 1950s version of a submissive housewife. You don't dominate, you work together, and it works out fine.

been married 10 years

Re:Jesus Christ (2, Funny)

numbski (515011) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113639)

So, what....she says "take out the trash", and you say "go make me a sandwich, woman"? :P

Re:Jesus Christ (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113823)

"I'm not pussy whipped..."

In the first 10-years, you are in denial. You will find that out when, one day, you want to use your dick and you'll realize she didn't let you take it with you.

Re:Jesus Christ (5, Insightful)

couchslug (175151) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113911)

"been married 10 years"

Been together/married for 19 years.
Cooperation is good, along with having ones own space. "Space" = gear, too.
Wife and self have seperate workshops, seperate computers and peripherals, seperate vehicles and seperate tech in general.
Anything that is best set up for one person should belong to that person.

Re:Jesus Christ (1)

William_Lee (834197) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113725)

Spoken like someone either divorced, or since this is slashdot, more likely still living in his parent's basement watching Dr. Who and dreaming of life in a TARDIS.

Re:Jesus Christ (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113841)

Spoken like someone who is pussy-whipped.

Re:Jesus Christ (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20114029)

Nicely done, sir.

Ofcourse ... (1)

eneville (745111) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113291)

Yeah, *THATS* why I'm single...

Re:Ofcourse ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113487)

It all makes sense now!

No News Here (2, Funny)

Mordok-DestroyerOfWo (1000167) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113315)

A buddy of mine, when he and his girlfriend split, the biggest argument was how to split the WoW crap that they had accumulated. When my girlfriend eventually corners me into marriage I'm going to insist that we register at Fry's

Re:No News Here (1)

masdog (794316) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113373)

I already told my girlfriend, and her friends, that we're registering at Best Buy and Toys 'R Us. Nothing says "Congratulations" like a Lego Mindstorms kit and a Blu-ray player.

TiVo Issues (4, Insightful)

MacEnvy (549188) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113317)

My wife and I had a problem like that once ... we solved it by upgrading the hard drive in our TiVo so both of us could keep our shows.

Just like in everything else, it's about creating a solution to keep both people happy. Concerned about merging your blog? How about the two of you just start a new blog together and keep your old ones personal.

Is this really that hard people? This sounds like an author in search of a problem to write about.

Re:TiVo Issues (2, Insightful)

garett_spencley (193892) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113475)

Is this really that hard people? This sounds like an author in search of a problem to write about.

Agreed. I didn't RTFA, but after reading the summary I couldn't help but think to myself ... if space on the Tivo is the worst of these couples' concerns then ...

I don't even know how to finish that sentence!

It's like a middle aged person listening to a bunch of teenagers whine that they have to do homework. The middle aged adult can't help but think to him/herself "just wait until you have to figure out how you're going to make mortgage payments, keep your career growing, keep everyone in your family as happy, maintain repairs to your property, keep your kids clothed and make sure that they do their homework despite their whining etc."

As for these couples, it's like "just wait until one of you gets bored and has a fling outside the marriage, or when one of you loses his/her job, or heck something even simpler and more likely to happen in the near future for almost any couple - one of you starts to lets yourself go, physically."

I'm not trying to whine and complain about my marriage, we make things work. But oh how I wish our major concerns revolved around the bloody Tivo!

Re:TiVo Issues (5, Funny)

gEvil (beta) (945888) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113491)

Is this really that hard people? This sounds like an author in search of a problem to write about.

Look, if the average person out there had basic problem-solving skills, many of us would be out of work... : p

Re:TiVo Issues (1)

StarfishOne (756076) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113677)

Your post is rated funny, but based on experience I'm actually thinking that insightful would be better. ;o

I also would like to present an anecdote from someone else as exhibit A:

http://www.bash.org/?420855 [bash.org] ;)

Re:TiVo Issues (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113741)

I don't know weather to laugh or cry, but im doing both!

Re:TiVo Issues (1)

iron-kurton (891451) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113631)

What do you do when there is no practical compromise? As an example, my wife is _constantly_ on my computer. I set her up her own linux machine (she doesn't need much, just surfing the web, the occasional photoshop session, and email), but no, it's too damn slow for her. Granted, it is an older computer, but so what?! It does what she needs it to do! Meanwhile, I have to do my development on that computer, and of course, all the projects I have are now lagging. The biggest mistake I ever made was giving her an account on my computer. Trust me, if there is something you don't want to share for some reason, NEVER EVER EVER make an exception under any circumstances, because that will become the rule.

Re:TiVo Issues (3, Interesting)

gordo3000 (785698) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113683)

you sound reasonably computer savvy, so just build her(or rebuild the slow one) so it runs fast enough for her. Just b/c what she does is simple doesn't mean people like to have to be on a slow machine to do it. I can do my work on an ass slow machine, it's just number crunching. I still rpefer to do it on a top end, dual processor, multi core, 4 gb memory system so I don't have to twiddle my thumbs for too long.

BIND (2, Funny)

Skinkie (815924) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113319)

Like my DNS cares if it needs to forward two A records to the same number.

Simple answer... (4, Insightful)

chill (34294) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113323)

...by bickering over which TV shows get deleted to make room on the TiVo.

Do what I did and buy two. If you're going to argue, at least pick something worth arguing over. Television isn't worth the expended energy.

Re:Simple answer... (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113353)

Maybe if these people had cancer, bankruptcy, war casualties, etc., then they would see how trivial their "problems" really are. Pathetic.

Re:Simple answer... (1)

kryten_nl (863119) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113403)

The AC might be a bit blunt, but life is just to short for this sort of bickering.

Re:Simple answer... (1)

gEvil (beta) (945888) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113453)

The AC might be a bit blunt, but life is just to short for this sort of bickering.

That's right! The sci-fi shows stay and the reality shows go!

Mod parent WAY up! (3, Insightful)

khasim (1285) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113469)

From TFA:

Waking up at 5 a.m., while his wife and daughter are still asleep, he pads into the darkened kitchen, logs onto his computer and changes the Netflix order to put his favorite movies on top. He knows the warehouse ships the movies by about 7 a.m., so by the time his wife realizes what he's done, it'll be too late. "It's not grounds for murder, but it is irritating," Ms. De Chellis says.

Dude, spend an extra $15 a month and get a second NetFlix account.

If she ends up dying of cancer at least you'll be able to say that you got to watch the movies YOU wanted. What the fuck, people? Get some perspective! Are you that hung up on the trivialities of your life that you can't work around them? Grow up and start acting like an adult.

Speaking from experience: (3, Insightful)

ClaraBow (212734) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113327)

Keep it simple, keep it separate. All I can say is that in marriage you need alone time to do your own things. If couples do everything together, they will burnout on each other pretty fast. Trust me, it happens. You maybe in love today, but tomorrow maybe a different story, so it's much easier and cleaner to leave when couple have separate accounts.

Re:Speaking from experience: (4, Insightful)

LWATCDR (28044) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113443)

Well my experience is totally different.
"If couples do everything together, they will burnout on each other pretty fast."
My wife and I work together, we drive to work in one car. We do the shopping together. It hasn't bee a problem for us.
"Trust me, it happens. You maybe in love today, but tomorrow maybe a different story, so it's much easier and cleaner to leave when couple have separate accounts."
That is such a bad attitude it boggles my mind. Why do you want to make it clean and easy to end a marriage? What about if you have kids? Should the wife deal exclusively with the girls and father exclusively with the sons?
If you are not talking about being married than yes keep that separate but that definition of not being married. I think part of the problem is too many people are becoming sort of married. It is easy to rush in to living together or even getting married of you plan on making it easy to end. That is one of the things that is really messed up about world today. If you are going to get married get married if you are not then don't. Don't sort of get married and don't rush into it.

My wife and I have separate bank accounts but she is on mine and I am on hers. We have separate email address but I don't find that any stranger than have separate cell phones. As far as blogs and fighting over what gets deleted from the Tivo??? If that is a problem in your marriage or relationship you have MUCH MUCH MUCH bigger problems. The making room on the Tivo should be a five minute discussion. Blogs??? Good freaking grief.

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

icebrain (944107) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113647)

I'd say the best reason for separate accounts is not "in case of divorce," but rather to avoid money fights. I've seen too many people combine their accounts, then huge fights erupt because one person went out and bought new toys and didn't leave enough to pay the bills.

I'm getting married in October, and what we did for the finances was to set up three checking accounts and a joint savings, and our own credit cards. Each of us has our own checking account that the other one can't access, plus the joint account. The joint account pays for things like rent, food, gas, utilities, and other such things. The individual accounts are our own--the other person can't see them and has no right to examine them. They pay for things like clothing, nights out with friends, gadgets, books, etc. This way, if she spends all her money on clothes, it still won't affect whether the bills get paid or not, and we avoid fights over "well, I wanted to buy THIS but you bought THAT!" The credit cards work the same way.

Our philosophies on money are pretty different. However, this is an arrangement that both of us have agreed upon, and allows the bills to be paid, a decent amount saved/invested, and still gives us the freedom to spend on stuff within our means. And now she can't complain when I eventually go out and drop thousands at a time on airplane parts.

Re:Speaking from experience: (3, Informative)

LWATCDR (28044) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113971)

"Each of us has our own checking account that the other one can't access, plus the joint account."
That can be a really bad plan. If you or your wife die then that account will be locked away from you until the estate is settled. Why not each have access but don't use it? You put your wife's name on your account and your name on her account. You then lock away your bank card for her account and she locks away her bank card for your account. My wife and I have separate accounts because of bank cards. We have one savings account but our living money is in our personal accounts. That way I don't get over drawn getting gas because my wife just bought groceries and hadn't transfered more money into the account yet.

I really suggest that you and your wife to be work out your money problems before getting married. Just having different accounts will not prevent the problems you fear. What happens when you two decide that you want to same for something big? Like a house, car, college for the kids, vacation, and retirement,

The biggest problems in marriage happen you and your wife don't share the same goals in life. Marriage is supposed to be forever. You two need to start planning for forever.

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

bladesjester (774793) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114079)

He said they had 3 checking accts (one for each of them to use for personal things and one for the bills) and one SAVINGS account. One would assume that the savings account would be for, you know, savings (for things like the house you mentioned).

What he has set up is actually a really good system. I have something similar - an account for bills, an account for me, and an account for savings.

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

Kjella (173770) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113935)

That is such a bad attitude it boggles my mind. Why do you want to make it clean and easy to end a marriage?

I guess it depends on who you are and who wants to end it. If your wife comes to you and says "I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce" and your economy is all mixed up and it turns into a bad fight about who's been paying what and who should be left with what, I can easily understand the grandparent who says separate account would have been much better. Most two-income couples I know, both living together and married have a shared account which they both pay equally into and a personal account, it seems that leads to the fewest arguments both in the relationship and if a break-up should occur.

Divorce rates in the US is at 55%, in my country (Norway) it's 40% and I think in both higher in my generation than my parents' generation, never mind just living together. I wouldn't get married unless I felt this was life-long for me. I wouldn't get married unless I felt sure it was life-long for her. But I wouldn't be naive either, it's not my "exit strategy" it's like an emergency break on the marriage train. I'd rather that brought the train to a controlled halt than to have it derail, crash and burn.

What about if you have kids?

Yes, what if you have kids. Do you think anyone who cares about their kids leaves the marriage, breaking up the family easily? Often it's for good reason, and then it's mostly a matter of how ugly it's going to be. Sure there are those that part like good friends, but I'd say most only tolerate each other and some won't even see their ex. If a few more kids grow up where their parents tolerate each other and can agree to raise their kids like a team, I think that'd make the place a lot better than a few unhappy marriages held together only by the kids.

I've seen what happens when parents use their kids in a powerplay, actually in this one case I'm thinking of she has learned the rules of divide and conquer as well. They started it, but now I'd say she's playing both parents out against each other as well to her own advantage, a mini-Machiavelli in training. If they were on better terms, perhaps they could have sat down and agreed on some common rules for her. Instead, she gets to play both sides because they're not talking, and they want to play (just not get played).

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

LWATCDR (28044) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114095)

"If your wife comes to you and says "I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce" and your economy is all mixed up and it turns into a bad fight about who's been paying what and who should be left with what, I can easily understand the grandparent who says separate account would have been much better."
Sorry but if my wife says that then I have much bigger problems than the money issues.
Well if should never get to that point. I don't think that having separate accounts is a bad plan. I think going into a marriage while planning on making the divorce as easy as possible is a terrible plan. Marriage isn't easy but you do have to work at it. I see two many people rush into marriage because they confuse love with sex. When you marry someone you should ask would I still marry them if we could never have sex? They should also talk about things like children and life goals.
Here is a story about love.
Back in February I almost died of pneumonia. I went to the doctor with what I thought was the flu and they gave me some meds and told me if I didn't feel better in two weeks to come back. Well I didn't feel better after two weeks and went back. One of my lungs was completely filled with fluid and the other was only half filled. My o2 levels where toxic and they slammed me into the hospital for a week. I only just stayed out of the ICU because I was in good shape but I was about 6 hours from being put in to intensive care.
My wife stayed with me every night in the hospital. She got up every morning before the sun and went to our house to feed our dogs, take a shower, and then work for abut 6 hours. She did that for a week.

To me that was the most "Romantic" thing that ever happened in my life.
That is love. BTW having sex with someone that loves you that much and you love back that much is the best sex ever.

Yes some marriages really do need to end. If you are being abused then GET OUT NOW and GET THE KIDS OUT!
But I think way to many people just don't try hard enough, rush in, or get married for really bad reasons.

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

xSauronx (608805) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113533)

i agree. i was married and there was tension over things the entire time because we didnt define things well to begin with. i suffered because she couldnt stick to a budget or do what she said shed do. if i had to do it again id have ONE joint bank account for paying bills, one join savings for whatever, with a determined amount or precentage of incomes to be deposited regularly. then separate accounts for miscellaneous stuff. the bitch i was married to wanted to eat out or go shopping at the worst times and it made it damn hard to pay the bills on time. id never deal with that again.

if you can get utilites and other recurring bills on joint accounts, do it, so if theres a problem one of you doesnt get stuck with it all. if not, then try to divide them equally. if thins work out, great, you have a system that works. if they dont, fine, itll be much easier to clean up.

Re:Speaking from experience: (1)

theStorminMormon (883615) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113547)

I agree with LWATCDR on this one. I believe that some alone time/personal space is always required, but all couples are different. Before we were married my wife and I worked at the same job. It wasn't really high stress (it was a college computer lab), but I was still a bit nervous that there would be some weird work-relationship conflict, or that we would get tired of seeing each other all day. It was actually great. Now that we're married I see less of her (she stays at home, I work full time) and I miss it.

I think in most relationships the problem is either not enough time together or not enough of the right kind of time together: not that there's too little time together. That's just observation from my own relationship and those of our friends and family. Really, how often do married couples go out on dates? By the time you've got a little one (or two), house payments, job(s), etc. I can't imagine spending too much time together is the problem.

it's much easier and cleaner to leave when couple have separate accounts.

There's a difference between preparing for disaster and anticipating disaster. I'd be wary that all that planning for the divorce doesn't end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Share everything. (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113329)

If you're in a solid relationship, then you and your partner should have no problem sharing everything.

If you're a guy, let your wife know that you like to masturbate to bukkake photos online. In return, she can masturbate to photos of well-hung men of various other racial groups.

Furthermore, if you're a guy, let your wife know that you send raunchy emails to your secretary from a rather anonymous Hotmail account. And your wife will tell you about how she and her friends from the spa exchange pictures of their husbands' cocks on a phpBB forum they set up.

So in the end, everyone is open with what they do and what they like. There are no secrets. And your marriage is strong, just because everything is in the open.

Re:Share everything. (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113657)

If you're a guy, let your wife know that you like to masturbate to bukkake photos online. In return, she can masturbate to photos of well-hung men of various other racial groups.

Furthermore, if you're a guy, let your wife know that you send raunchy emails to your secretary from a rather anonymous Hotmail account. And your wife will tell you about how she and her friends from the spa exchange pictures of their husbands' cocks on a phpBB forum they set up.


I'm not sure why you were modded funny. That's exactly how my wife and I handle our relationship. We couldn't be happier :)

I've found that another 'secret' to a successful marriage is taking it one step further and sharing in each other's activities. I now masturbate to my wife's collection of well hung men of other ethnic groups and we've arranged a bukake party for my wife for next weekend. She's still a little unsure of it but I know that when all of our friends cum on her face our relationship will never be the same :)

Re:Share everything. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113681)

There is only one response befitting that post: LOL!

so... (1)

SolusSD (680489) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113339)

is this article questioning what is plainly obvious? *My* shows stay on the DVR and hers get deleted. Let me break it down:

modern marvels > dr. 90210
arrested development > love connection
star trek: voyager, tng, enterprise > real world, honey we're killing the kids, little people-big world

come on!

Re:so... (1)

TheRaven64 (641858) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113715)

enterprise > real world, honey we're killing the kids, little people-big world
I'm not familiar with the shows in question, but I have difficulty believing that there are things worse than Enterprise.

The Age Old Problem (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113343)

Relationships will seek a way to interfere with any medium that falls into their domain, be it technological or otherwise.

Solution 1)
You are the nerd, she is the clueless noob. She idolises your power. You win.

Solution 2)
You are equally technologically savvy. You declare yourself root, lock down the network. She is a mere user. You win.

Solution 3)
You both give up all technology and move to a hut, farming and tending vegetables. All is bliss. Soon, you start to argue about how to plant the carrots and who milks the goat.

Re:The Age Old Problem (1)

couchslug (175151) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114019)

"Solution 1)
You are the nerd, she is the clueless noob. She idolises your power. You win."

I would never marry a clueless person. Thinking for two people isn't a win.

"Solution 2)
You are equally technologically savvy. You declare yourself root, lock down the network. She is a mere user. You win."

MY root would go untended, no LAN is worth that.

"Solution 3)
You both give up all technology and move to a hut, farming and tending vegetables. All is bliss. Soon, you start to argue about how to plant the carrots and who milks the goat."

Wife grew up on a farm. I'D be the clueless noob and stuck with shit detail. Goats smell bad.

Vi vs Emacs (4, Funny)

The New Andy (873493) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113359)

Fortunately the vi vs emacs debate doesn't cause many divorces, but only because people rarely marry outside the church.

(but sometimes I wonder why anyone would marry a vi person anyway)

Re:Vi vs Emacs (1, Redundant)

patm1987 (773851) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113863)

Because we already have a decent operating system and are looking for a text editor.

We don't have blogs or (1)

iknownuttin (1099999) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113375)

anything like that. But on this machine here, I have a user account for both of us as well as the admin account and except for the admin account, the others don't have passwords. That way, when she logs in, her email and her desktop comes up and the same, obviously, for me. We're not hiding anything from one another, it's just that to mix everything up would be confusing and could lead to possible errors.

No problems here (1)

jascat (602034) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113377)

The only thing my wife and I had a problem with at first was her difficulties using Linux for her school work. The program she is in has standardized on MS Word and wants everything turned in in that format. I don't care who you are or what you say, OO.o has some issues with formatting when saving in .doc format. Things just come out looking differently.

We finally came to the conclusion that she needed a system to herself running Windows. Since then, she is happy as can be with our setup. We value our privacy over what's on our computers, in our email, etc. We don't snoop because we trust each other and to snoop would violate that trust. We play on a do to you as I would have you do to me. She has no problems I keep my own website (doesn't even care) or have a myspace page or anything tech-wise.

You are not fusing genetically when you marry (2, Insightful)

JanneM (7445) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113379)

Moving together or getting married does not (or should not, at least) entail giving up your individuality. If you have a problem sharing some resource, keep it separate. Just because you're a couple doesn't mean that you should be doing everything together, sharing every resource, or emulating Siamese twins in any other way.

I would say that it it's beneficial for the relationship to explicitly make sure both people have a space (physical, mental and time) of their own that the other does not intrude on without a go-ahead. If you have the space, a room of your own - even if it's the size of a closet - is a great idea. That's where you store all the stuff that's yours (like clothing - no more arguing about closet space), and that's where you can do work, keep your hobbies and so on. And since it's yours, there's no argument about cleaning up or anything. Same thing with having non-common friends, times when you go out for some activity on your own and so on.

Make sure you both have room to remain yourselves and the relationship will be stronger and more stable for it.

Re:You are not fusing genetically when you marry (4, Interesting)

garett_spencley (193892) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113617)

In my experience what is "best" is to let each married couple decide for themselves what is "best".

When my common-law partner and I had children and moved in together for the first time we quickly disolved into a complete mess. I played my fair share in that. My biggest issue, looking back on it, was that I put far too much stock in what other people thought that MY marriage should be. People start treating you differently. Parents and friends try to, innocently, impose their ideals on you regarding what it means to be married and to be a parent and how you should behave and what your role is etc.

It also doesn't help that not only do you have your own family trying to be helpful, but your spouse's family, who may have been relatively distant before you actually moved in together, all of a sudden begins to act like they've known you all your life and you get the expectations from them too.

In my case it went down something like this. My family is relatively small and likes to get together every couple of months to celebrate someone's birthday. When multiple people have a birthday in the same month we merge the gathering into one and we get together for 3 - 4 hours and we try hard to plan it around everyone's schedule. The idea of celebrating something like an anniversary was entirely foreign to me. Sure, my marreid relatives celebrated, but they went out for dinner just the two of them. It wasn't a family event. My wife's family, on the other hand, is massive and they get together at every single possible opportunity (birthdays, anniversaries, 'just for the heck of it' bbqs and pool parties etc.) and they make it an all day and all night event and everyone is expected to be there. This wore me out. My wife and I had to balance two family responsibilities, but I never cared much for my wife's family and being forced to spend a great deal of time with them and listen to all of their expectations and 'advice' drove me to the point where I wanted to end it after about a year. If I didn't step up and be part of their family then somehow (in their eyes and, after absorbing so much of their opinions, in mine as well) I wasn't a good husband and father.

Of course, in the end, we compromised and worked it out. But my point is that I found when we moved in and started treating our relationship as a marriage, that the expectations on us from others grew exponentially over night. I wasn't prepared for that. We've been living together for 7 years now and I found that the most important thing is to concentrate on what the two of you want out of your relationship and to ignore all outside 'advice', regardless of how positively intentioned it may be. Every single person goes into a relationship wanting unique things out of it and most people are a little vulnerable in the beginning because they don't truly know what they're getting themselves into. And so at that point they're more likely to pay attention to what other people have to say. Particularly if there's children involved because (most) people want to be the best parents that they can be. But putting too much stock in what other people, particularly family, thinks can really drive you mad.

In other words, different strokes for different folks. Some people will want to merge every aspect of their lives and be completely happy with that arrangement, other people will want more independence. There is no "right" marriage or relationship. Everyone needs to figure out what's best for them and ignore all outside influences.

Re:You are not fusing genetically when you marry (1)

Bazman (4849) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114047)

But you are fusing genetically when you decide to have kids. Has that been explained to you? :)

I guess nowadays couples have more digital information on their hard drives than in their DNA (3 billion base-pairs)...

I've crossed that bridge (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113391)

Let me start by saying that I've been happily married for 7 years now, so I know what I'm talking about :)

We used to keep separate bank accounts, but consolidating everything helped keep us more organized. That's been the theme throughout our whole marriage. I do think that we play nicer than most couples. There are many things we share. For example I run 4 workstations, and my wife and I use them all. If one of us is on one, the other will go to another one. If we need to use something on box, IE a computer that has a VPN client installed, then we'll switch. We keep common email addresses, and share all the account info... mostly because we know each other's passwords. It's easer that way, and if you can't trust, or play nice with your spouse then you have more important issues.

We do keep separate blogs, but that's mostly because my wife runs one for her company, and I run a more personal one.

simple (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113395)

Individual bank accounts, computers, etc. If you start fighting over bandwidth, get individual lines.

Trying to "share" everything is a recipe for disaster.

Mod Parent Up (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113765)

I agree 100%. In fact, why would a married couple share anything?..

Next they'll be asked to share time, a house, a bill for $appliance/car/house/meal..maybe even share the kids!
There's a reason there are TWO separate wedding rings. If we were meant to share, there would be 1. And both would wear it at the same time.
My point is that marriage shouldn't be about sharing. Marriage is about keeping yourselves separate.

A very good (and very quick) read about keeping lives separate from the Guardian [guardian.co.uk]
I believe we all know that marriage comes from marry + iage, which comes from mar + ry + iage. Ignoring the last two which i assume simply modify it, you have 'mar.'
From thefreedictionary.com [thefreedictionary.com] , we read:

mar(mär)
tr.v. marred, marring, mars
1. To inflict damage, especially disfiguring damage, on.
2. To impair the soundness, perfection, or integrity of; spoil.
n.
A disfiguring mark; a blemish.
Marriage isn't about spending your lives together. It's about keeping yourselves separate..I don't see what is so complicating about that fact.
Feel free to contact me if you would like more information.
I can be reached at the following site. Please consult me before you marry that special someone..Ignore the URL, it's a typo, the information is correct though.
More information and marriage resources [divorcenet.com]

Mainstream (1)

Thakandar2 (260848) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113419)

You can tell a tech is getting mainstream when they start talking about married people in the same sentences as some of these gadgets and technologies.

It is strange to think I almost prefer the age when people dealing with technology were assumed to be single... at least I still have slashdot.

Geez. (4, Insightful)

kiwioddBall (646813) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113421)

Who posts this bollocks to Slashdot?
Just the same as what radio station will we listen to, what will we both watch on TV, we like different foods, etc. etc. Is this some journalism student trying to come up with an 'angle' on a 'story'?

Re:Geez. (1)

Kjella (173770) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113661)

Amen, I think this goes back to the cavemen and how the cave should be decorated. That said, it could have been a good article on "old challenges in a new environment", with some good relations to how it was in the past and how it may have changed with digital life. For example, take e-mail. How was it when it was snail mail, did you share a mailbox? Did you get personally named letters, or did it include both? This read more like "annoyances in a relationship in 2007" sorta just listed out. Well duh, living together with someone is compromise (or in the case of a few men I know, surrender...) and that's not about to change any time soon.

Re:Geez. (1)

John Jorsett (171560) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113717)

Who posts this bollocks to Slashdot? Just the same as what radio station will we listen to, what will we both watch on TV, we like different foods, etc. etc. Is this some journalism student trying to come up with an 'angle' on a 'story'?

Geez indeed. It's somebody noticing that characteristic human behavior is following us to new venues, and doing an article about it. No, it isn't a story about the fall of the Berlin wall, Iran-Contra, or the curing of cancer, but there's room for some inconsequential human interest stuff in my reading material. If not in yours, you aren't required to read it you know.

I got one word for you (1, Funny)

gEvil (beta) (945888) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113433)

Bosco

The fun never ends (1)

tkrotchko (124118) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113457)

"For some young newlyweds, this means a debate over whether to combine their blogs."

The fun never ends when you hang around with some people.

Not really... (1)

SoapBox17 (1020345) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113465)

I recently (one and a half years ago) got married. We are both Software Engineers and are both under 25. We haven't really had any problems like this. Maybe because we aren't really into "blogging" or maybe because we aren't the type of people who's real life identity is based on an online persona. If we were the more controlling types, we might have had problems like those described in the article. But that has nothing to do with technology, and everything to do with plain old personality.

This article seems to highlight the pretty obvious. When you get married you have to share things, and you have to accept that the person you're married to won't want to share everything. So, not surprisingly, in a technology world, that also means you have to negotiate over the merge of your online personalities, just like your real world ones.

Duh?

Re:Not really... (1)

quintesse (654840) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113727)

You merge real world personalities? Wow. How do you do that? Is it like a Vulcan mind-meld? ;-)

Just kidding. But for me when people start talking about merging blogs it reminds me of those couples that start wearing the same clothes, color-coding them and such. To each their own fortunately because it gives me the shivers.

an observation (1)

gEvil (beta) (945888) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113565)

Reading through the comments here, the general solution from slashdotters appears to be some form of "Just throw more money at it" (buy another TiVo, get a second Netflix account, get more hard drives). Whatever happened to actually talking with the other person and trying to work out a solution to the problem? It seems that many times, just accumulating more "his" and "her" stuff doesn't get to the root of the issue, which is that the two of you supposedly share a life now.

Re:an observation (1)

Longtime_Lurker_Aces (1008565) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114005)

Buying a second dvr IS working out a solution to the problem though. In fact, it is the best solution if you can afford it. No matter how we compromise, we still end at a net loss (one of us has to delete shows we don't want to). Buying a second allows both parties to keep everything.

Again, as many have pointed out, it all depends on the individuals. Some are going to want to stay more independent others are going to want to share more. Neither is better than the other, it just depends on the people involved.

No touching! (1)

TWDsje (1095947) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113579)

This guy is just looking for something to write about. Give the girl her own computer. She can look at what I'm doing online and interact with me all she wants, but she cannot touch my computer or my user accounts. Also: WTF people actually use iTunes as a music player?

Amen (1)

Kenji DRE (1020807) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113625)

Atlast we have a discussion about "marriage" on slashdot.

ask those linux guys (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113745)

the like to suck on them dicks.
 
fucking faggot homo faggots.

Honestly... (1)

masdog (794316) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113755)

Who cares? If your technology is causing problems with your relationship, you need to ditch the technology. Who cares if you share online calendars, email accounts, and blogs? There are more important things in a relationship than some electrons on a computer.

Sometimes, its best to ditch the technology and use old-fashioned methods to keep track of things. Put a calendar on your wall and use that instead of starting a fight over merging your online calendars. If your SO has a separate email account, let them keep it. You'll never know if they create another one anyway.

The biggest battle.. (1)

BrianRagle (1016523) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113771)

...between my wife and I regarding tech usually centers around how much hard drive space we each have. I use several external drives with my machine due to a large, backed-up movie and music collection. She has fewer external drives and thus less available space on her computer, even though her needs only occupy about 30% of what she has available. Still, it never fails for her to see me doing something with my arrangement of drives and then look at her own and whine about "why don't I have that many drives on my computer?". I finally broke down and got her a 150 gig external, even though I KNOW she will not only be able to locate it in a Finder window and further still, never store anything on it.

My biggest problem (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113797)

As someone who isn't married (and never will be), is spouses who share an IM account. Sometimes I can get a message and not know who sent it, and not know what kind of mode to respond in (I talk differently to a close friend and a close friends wife. For instance, goatse never makes the topic list with the wife)

Please don't share IM and email, etc unless it's CLEAR that the account is shared (so a "the_whatever_family@hotmail.com" would be okay)

(sigh) if you RTFA and think that way... (5, Insightful)

Bananas (156733) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113853)

Sometimes, I see how the industry is dying. All of the "smart techies" never reproduce. Because they were to dumb to figure out a simple issue.

I've had 15 years of marriage (and have two kids). Judging by the character of the posts, I'm pretty much a senior citizen by slashdot standards, because apparently I'm about 13-15 years older than the majority of posters here. I can tell you now, the writer of the original aritcle has their head up their ass. For that matter, anyone who thinks in the terms listed in the article really DO have their head up their ass, and shouldn't even bother getting married.

There are lots of solutions to the issues in the article, but none of them work as well as "here, just borrow my account to browse instead of me logging out" or "honey, whatcha reading in your email?" or any other form of give-and-take, which needs a foundation in TRUST. It's not "boyfriend-girlfriend on the playground at recess". It's a marriage. There is a simple solution: FOR SHIT'S SAKE, GROW THE FUCK UP.

Marriage is like a bridge, and each spouse holds one side of the bridge up. It takes both sides to keep it up and going. Sometimes, one of the two has to put the bridge down (for rest, health reasons, "me-time", family emergencies, whatever...doesn't matter, it happens), for just a breather - and the other one has to carry the load. If the marriage is working, that person comes back and picks up their end of the bridge. But the bridge won't stand up forever if only one is left holding everything up, or if both spouses can't agree to share the load and the bridge never goes up to begin with.

Guess what? Marriage takes an EFFORT. You will do HARD INTERPERSONAL WORK. Work that requires you hold up your end of the situation. It's you and your spouse choosing to share life - all of life - and all of each other, the good parts, and all the bad parts. If she can't deal with those things in you that are a part of you, or you can't deal with those things in her that drive you crazy, then it's just not gonna work. Ever. You need to find - gasp! - compromise. And it seems that the younger groups of today seem to have less and less of this critical quality that's needed for marriage.

This isn't me trying to troll. It's me trying to slap some sense into someone's thick skull. Seriously. No fool'in. If you have a friend that's about to get married, and they think they way they do in the article, you need to print this out, roll it up, walk up to them, and slap them upside the head - repeatedly. They need to really think about something as serious as this before just waltzing off to the land of eternal Tivo replays and iPod picks. Because it has nothing to do with tech. It has everything to do with "these people need to seriously grow the hell up".

The Answer (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20113881)

Why not just set up a marriage blog and keep your individual blogs?

Then, every time you blog together in the first year, each of you puts a penny in the blog jar. After the first year, you take a penny out each time either of you blogs individually. When you empty the jar, you start going to marriage counseling, which you video tape and save to your Tivo.

IF counseling goes well
    THEN you can stop replaying the sessions for your friends during WoW night out w/ the boys/girls
    ELSE find a way to relate to each other and focus on something meaningful

Geeks aren't really this misanthropic, are they?

Combining Blogs? E-mail accounts? Ridiculous. (3, Insightful)

Grimbleton (1034446) | more than 7 years ago | (#20113949)

Why would you want to consolidate your blogs and e-mail accounts? That just makes it easier for people to get confused who's sending what to who, and what e-mail is coming for who, who posted what, etc.

It's not like you have to pay extra to keep your GMail (Example.) and Blogspot (Also an example.) accounts set up how they have been. Sure, maybe you might want to make a combined blog IN ADDITION to your personal one, with both set up as contributors, or maybe make an extra "everyone in the family" e-mail account for mass e-mails inside the extended family..

But beyond that, I can't see any good reason why you'd want to consolidate.

My fiancee and I each do our own thing online. I have *chan, Ultima Online, and SomethingAwful amongst other things, she has her pet sites and ... whatever else she does beyond that (Not that I don't care, but unless she says "OMG COME LOOK AT THIS!" or something to the effect, we rarely involve each other in our online activities unless it's to play a game together.). Maybe it's different because this stuff has been around since we've been old enough to understand it, and longer.

I don't know, I just find the whole thing silly. But then again, we're keeping all our finances separate for the most part, each contributing our half to the bills/groceries/etc., and splitting stuff like movies/games/other fun purchases by "Who will use this more?" (So I got stuck paying for the 360 and PS3 myself. Drat.) and it's working out just fine for us.

The only time one of us has a say in the finances of the other is if one of us can see it being a stupid purchase (Like my PS3 that she said "Don't get it, you'll never use it." ... and she was right.) but it's all opinion based.

Okay, I didn't sleep last night so I'm rambling. Time to get some coffee and hit the hay.

Just Some Personal Examples (1)

pokerdad (1124121) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114091)

When my wife and I got married we came up with a clever email address to share that was a play on our names; it seemed like a cool idea, but was utterly useless. I get about one or two (personal) emails a day at most. My wife gets one hundred emails on a slow day. Sharing an account just wasn't feasable (for me).

About two years ago we started a blog "together" and by together I mean I have a blog that she technically has admin rights to. Even when she wants to add something to it, she just prefers to tell me what she wants rather than do it herself.

Tivo is a relatively new thing in our lives, but I can see trouble brewing; when I record something I like to watch it soon after, then erase it. My wife like to record things, but hates to take the time to watch them; she also does not want anything she's recorded to be deleted till she's watched it. Our drive is filling up fast with shows that no one will ever watch.

One final thing we have had an interesting time of is game consoles. Although I have been happy with both our Gamecube and Wii, it has seemed very odd to me that someone who spends at most one hour a month gaming, and then only one game (Mario Party), should have as strong an opinion as my wife has had on our console choices.

A day in the life... (1)

E++99 (880734) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114093)

Say, honey, do we really need TEN FRICKIN' BARNEY'S SAVED??? My frickin' Monster Garage didn't get recorded!!!!

Best advice... (1)

WK2 (1072560) | more than 7 years ago | (#20114103)

Here is the best advice you will ever hear regarding staying married. This is the info marriage counselors don't want you to know.

Two TVs. And two MythTV boxes (or Tivos). Separate blogs, calendars, and email addresses. Share a gold fish.

Regarding the toilet seat problem, men don't understand why a woman would fall into the toilet. We always check the position of the seat, because we don't remember which way we put it last time. Women remember exactly which position it was in last time, and subconsciously believe it to still be in that position. Be respectful of your woman, and help to keep her ass dry by putting the toilet seat down.
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