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NYT Exposes the Identity of Fake Steve Jobs

Zonk posted more than 7 years ago | from the hard-to-be-anonymous-if-someone-is-determined dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 166

mattatwork writes "NY Times writer Brad Stone figured out the real identity of Fake Steve Jobs. With classic nick names like 'freetards' and 'beastmaster' Fake Steve captured an audience of 700,000 visitors to the site and around 50 emails a day. According to Daniel Lyons, the senior editor at Forbes magazine who maintained the blog, there is no definite plan for the future of the site. 'Mr. Lyons said he invented the Fake Steve character last year, when a small group of chief executives turned bloggers attracted some media attention. He noticed that they rarely spoke candidly. "I thought, wouldn't it be funny if a C.E.O. kept a blog that really told you what he thought? That was the gist of it." Mr. Lyons says he recalled trying out the voices of several chief executives before settling on the colorful Apple co-founder. He twice tried to relinquish the blog, but started again after being deluged by fans e-mailing to ask why Fake Steve had disappeared.'"

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Frosty Piss (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126303)

On Topic

Re:Frosty Piss (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126467)

I sat naked on the bench in the health club locker room, staring at the tiles on the floor between my feet, but really looking at nothing. I was waiting for Jamal to decide to come up and talk to me. He was this muscular teenage nigger who frequented the club and had ruined my life in the last few weeks. I was ordered to sit naked on the bench without a towel or anything to cover my nakedness. I had to keep my legs spread and my cock and balls visible for the anyone In the locker room who wanted a look. I knew instantly that it had been a mistake to sign up at the inner city health club which was eighty percent black, but It was near my house and cheap which was even more important.

The harassment had started on my first visit. Dark skinned, muscular black boys bouncing around the locker room with their huge dicks and pendulous sacks of balls swinging, high fiving each other and laughing and rapping, and there I was, this moderately built white guy of thirty two.

I will never forget coming back from the shower and one chocolate skinned thug of about eighteen let out a "weeeeeeeow" kind of sound and then said very loudly to me, loudly enough for all his pals to hear, "White man, how the hell can you fuck wit such a small dick?" They all roared with laughter and I turned bright red. Before I left that first time, I med Jamal. He eased up to me while I was packing my gym bag. He is one good looking darkie, I will say that for him. He flashed me a big white toothed smile and said he hoped I wasn't thinking of quitting the club. He said he was friends with the manager and they had my address and shit, and it would be really unfortunate if I decided to quit. Then he laid one large basketball player sized hand on my shoulder and said that he would see me at the same time the next day.

Well, that's how it started. It got worse each time I went to the club. Jamal and the other niggers got me to get towels for them, had me scrub their backs in the shower, even made me pick their dirty stinking jock straps up off the floor. They sent their filthy jocks and socks home with me to wash for them.

Now let me state here once and for all, that I am in no way at all gay. I don't think I ever even had a gay thought. So all of this really repulsed me. They would brush up against me so their big fat black dicks rubbed my body. They would make constant jokes about me being a faggot.

So I had it out with Jamal. I told him I was a single parent with a thirteen year old daughter and in no way gay, and I wanted to quit the club. That mention of my daughter was the biggest mistake of my life. Jamal demanded to see a photo of her. Her name is Crissy. After that, all they talked about was "Crissy the Cunt" in the locker room.

"Some fourteen year old school boy probably shoving his dick in her right now while you is at da club." They would say things like that. Jamal would ask, "Do you suppose she had ever sucked black dick?" I told them she was totally innocent, and they should keep their foul mouths to themselves. They beat the shit out of me.

I didn't go to the club for a week. All the windows were broken on my car, and my newspaper was stolen, and somebody pissed all over our door. I received a package at work, and when I opened it, there was a pile of shit in a box. I was going nuts with anguish. I thought of going to the police, but I knew I would face even worse if I did. So I went back to the club. That was two months ago. A lot had happened in those two months.

Now I sat waiting for Jamal to speak with me. He walked up, stark naked. The first thing I saw were his huge brown feet next to me. I looked up at his long muscular legs. How could I miss the seven inch flaccid dick, thick as a flashlight and the ball sack that looked like it had oranges in it. It was fucking obscene. His stomach was hard and tight. His ass was one of those round tight nigger bubble butts. His chest well defined with large nipples. He had a killer smile, thick nigger lips, and dark flashing eyes that often looked drugged. He had only recently gotten out of reform school for molesting a girl on the playground.

"So, my man, how's that little dick of yours hangin'?"

I spread my legs wider so he could see my pathetic shriveled white prick and small ball sack. If I didn't keep myself on display for them at all times, they would have a wet towel snapping session where my scrotum was the target. It hurt like hell and was totally humiliating.

"So, bro, is everything set up for tomorrow?" He stood close to close that his huge flaccid hunk of fuck meat brushed my shoulder. His dick was so huge, it was just fucking obscene, and that was in its flaccid state. He had not showered yet, and his body reeked of the nigger stink of his workout.

"Please. Please don't do this. I know I agreed, but that was after you had beaten me almost senseless. Please, isn't there some other way?"

He lifted one leg and put his foot on the bench next to me. His gigantic balls swung back and forth in their fleshy sack.

"Dere is no other fucking way, man. You don't wanna even think of what we gonna do to you next time you disobeys us. Dere is no other way. Now it so happens dat I needs me a new girlfriend, and your pretty little daughter fills da bill."

I felt my stomach turn over. I tried to relax, to breath deeply, but I felt like I was choking. This teenage nigger thug was talking about my daughter. My little Crissy. My thirteen year old angel. He had announced to me that he wanted her to become his girlfriend! Jesus Christ!

At first I had bluntly refused, letting my anger and disgust show. All the niggers in the club gathered around me, about fifteen of them, and Jamal announced that I was racially prejudiced and didn't want him dating his white daughter. They started to slap and punch me.

"It's not that. Honest to God, I swear, it's not that you are black. It's that she is only thirteen. She's my innocent baby!"

Jamal roared with laughter. "Any bitch of thirteen is totally ready for dick! She probably sucking da boys at school every day anyway by now." He looked at the photo of her which he had taken from me. "Yeah, she got real cocksucker lips, she shore do!"

"Oh God no, she's just a baby." I was crying in front of all of them.

"No, daddy, you gots it wrong. She is a babe...not a baby. Dat pretty little pussy is ready for some nigger popping!" Half the niggers surrounding me were getting hard ons, and I don't there there was one under eight and a half inches.

For weeks I had argued, begged, pleaded, tried to bargain with Jamal, but he only wanted one thing. My daughter's virgin pussy. Once I stood up to them and told them I would go to the police. They had dragged me naked and screaming into the health club bathroom and forced me to eat turds out of the toilet bowl. I was sick for two days. The next time I went to the club, Jamal had made me suck his dick. That was the first time I saw it erect. Over twelve inches of throbbing leaking nigger cock. I had a panic attack and literally tried to run out of the club. They held me down on a bench and Jamal fed me his black fuck meat. His balls almost suffocated me. His dick choked me. He even made me suck his ass. What could I do? I agreed to let them have my daughter. I know, I am an awful man. A sinner. It is unforgivable, but I am scared out of my wits.

"So, tomorrow, I comes over to yo house dressed up real good. You introduce me to yo bitch daughter. Now when I sees her, dis is how I wants her dressed. A very tight tee shirt dat says printed on it, "I Love Nigga Dick!" She will wear no bra under it so I can see the tips of her budding little titties through the material. Den she is to wear her nice pleated cheer leader skirt like in da photo, only I don want her to wear no panties under it. From now on, yo daughter is forbidden to ever wear any panties. We want dat fresh young cunt and ass ready and available at all times. I want you to have some really top drawer booze at yo house ready for me. I am not sure what I will want, so you better have enough to satisfy me, whatever my taste might be. Who da fuck knows, I may want a cosmo, or maybe some of dat Louis XIII Brandy dat costs three hundred dollars. You better have it all. After I has a drink, you pretty little bitch and I gonna sit on da couch and get acquainted. Dat means you as da daddy get to watch me finger her cunt and play wit her titties. You gets to see her meet my big fat old dick and even lick and suck it a little. I always insists on sex on da first date, cause how else you know how a bitch perform, right? Shit, I insist on sex on every date. I mean dat is da only reason for da fucking plow some pussy! Right? Otherwise I'd rather hang wit da home boys. Now she gonna be a little uptight and scared at firs...right? Specially when she see my dick and she know dat huge motherfucker is gonna plow her virgin twat! Oh yea, if she got any hair on her cunt yet, you make sure she shave it all off before tomorrow. I wanna see bald thirteen year old pussy."

While he said all of this to me at the health club, his dick got thicker and thicker and long strings of pre-fuck started to hang from the fat pisshole.

"Please don't hurt her...please." I was shaking in my naked agony.

"Hurt her? No why the fuck would I hurt my new girlfriend? I gonna love her. I gonna show her da pleasures of lovemaking. Shore, it gonna hurt a little da first time I ram my twelve and a half inch motherfucking dick balls deep into her tight little teenage pussy. Shore it gonna hurt when I pounds her as hard as I can, and den pull out and shove it as hard as I can up her little asshole. Shore dat gonna hurt a little, but dat is jus' part of growin' up. A her daddy, you understand dat. Right? Better to hab some nice boy like me who wants her for his girlfriend fucking her, den every boy at school who don't give a shit about her.

"Now don't you worry, I gonna take her into the bedroom to fuck her cunt and ass. I think dat is private. I mean, you can watch da first time she suck my balls and lick my dick and such. But fucking is between a guy and his girlfriend. I wants you dere at the the sucking part, cause she is gonna be scared like I say, and you can calm her. Tell her it is a natural part of life, and she just gotta learn to please a man. She, she shoulda learned dat couple of years ago already. She is a late bloomer.

Now I am gonna want to use her bedroom for da first fuck,cause I wants to fuck her little bitch body in her teenage bed, wit all her teenage shit around. It will be so hot. But den, I is moving into your master bedroom. You can sleep on da couch. I wants a nice big bed and luxury for future fucks. I gotta fuck at least three times a day, usually more. Now of course I still going to be bangin' other cunt, but I will fuck your daughter regularly cause she is my number one girlfriend. My special bitch. I ain't gonna introduce her to my bros until after I fuck her for a week or so. Den when she broken in, I gonna share her with all da boys from dis here health club. Dere about twenty of us here as you know, so she gonna be pretty busy sucking nigga dick and getting ass and cunt fucked. We gonna do mos' of it over at yo house. You have lots of food dere at all times fo my brothers when dey comes over to fuck your daughter. Since she be fucking most every day all day and night from now on, I suggest you apply to home school her. Dat way, she don't even need to think about school and she can concentrate on nigga cock all da time."

"Please, please use condoms...." I had tears running down my face.

Jamal roared with laughter. "Condoms? We never use condoms. It ruins da fuck. Dat little bitch gonna be pregnant in a couple of weeks at mos'. You gonna be da grand daddy of a nigga chile! And who knows. She young. If she stay tight enough and cute enough, maybe we fuck her for three or four years, you know, pass her around, pimp her out. Shit, she still young enough. She could hab five or six nigga babies! We don' allow no abortions. She gonna breed. Now my brothers and daddy be comin' over lots to fuck her too, so you better have lots of keys to yo house made, or jus' leave the fucking place unlocked. She don't leave da house without permission. I would hate it for both of you if some black bro comes over for a good hard fuck, and she not dere! Now I know you worried about her. Don' be. After a few days of getting nigga dick, she gonna love it so much, dat all she gonna live for. I seen it in young white bitches lots of times. Someday she gonna thank you for all dis. I mean how many girls her age so lucky to get ten to fifteen black cocks a day? Long as her pussy and asshole hold up, she be happy. One thing, she gonna hab to be a really good cocksucker, cause One thig is dat when da boys in my hood meet up wit guys from other gangs...we got dis thing. We hab our girlfriends suck da cocks of all da members of the other gangs, as kind of a peace signal, you know, a sign dat we is kewl and everything is okay. So she gonna pretty much hab a dick in her mouth twenty-four seven for da next few months. She gonna be sucking on nigga dick even when she getting fucked by my bros. Dis house gonna be pretty packed full of black boys! Now, after a bitch has sucked fifteen to twenty dicks a day, she often get a real tired jaw and swollen lips and a sore tongue, so you gonna have to tell her no matter how tired she get, da last dick of da day she suck, gets jus' as good a suck as da first one in da morning. You gotta make sue she understand that. I can't have no bad reports from rival gangs dat my bitch can't suck!

Now we gots one more problem. Da little bitch gonna be so busy getting fucked and sucking dick, she ain't gonna hab no proper time to clean up da dicks after dey fuck her cunt and ass! You know it da bitch's job to clean a dick wit her mouth after a brother fuck her. I mean, you can't expect a brother to walk around wit pussy slime or ass juice on his dick. But she gonna be so busy, she ain't always gonna hab time to clean up, so you my friend is going to have to step up to da plate to help her. You gonna be the official dick cleaner. You gonna lick and suck da dicks clean after dey fuck yo bitch of a daughter. I want you naked on you hands and knees at all times around da house, ready to lick and suck dick clean. And you gonna do a fine job too, I just know it. You get all dat stink off da cock. Maybe you can entertain da brothers waiting next in line to fuck yo daughter too by lickig dere balls and assholes. I never thought of dat until just now. Hot damn, dat is a good idea, ain't it? So dey don't get bored while dey waitin. And den, to keep your daughter fresh and tight, after every three or four fucks, you gonna crawl in and suck the nigga cum right outta her pussy and asshole. Think how great dat is. You gonna get to suck some thirteen year old pussy and asshole! How lucky is dat? You gonna clean out her cunt real good with yo tongue so it is ready for da next nigga.

We gonna be da happiest family you ever seen! Now come on, white boy, suck my dick, can't you see it dripping all over da floor?"

I put my mouth over the head of the huge leaking hunk of fuckmeat, and resigned myself and my daughter to our new destiny.

Re:Frosty Piss (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126813)

something similar happened to me once, but it was in prison (30 days for dui). I didn't have anything better to do and serving time was cheaper and easier than going on probation. The prosecutor forgot to mention that jail meant sucking off nigger cock.

Solved? (5, Interesting)

taoman1 (1050536) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126313)

Was this a mystery that just had to be solved?

Re:Solved? (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126351)

I can just imagine the reporter in full Nancy Drew mode poring over clues.

Break out your magnifying glass kids, we're off to solve the Mystery of The Fake CEO Blogger!

Re:Solved? (3, Interesting)

OS24Ever (245667) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126353)

No kidding. I was wondering the exact same thing. It was a parody, and it was fun. Now it's going to get corporate sponsorship from the guys employer and I'd find it hard to think it'd be the same again.

Re:Solved? (3, Insightful)

Ohreally_factor (593551) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127127)

Yeah, barring some miracle, it's over.

I feel a bit pissed at the NYT for spoiling the party, but I guess it was going to get spoiled sooner or later, and if not the NYT, then some other rag. The race was on.

I pretty much can't stand Mr. Lyons as a journalist, but as a parody SJ he was awesome. Thanks for the lulz, Dan. You'll always be FSJ in our hearts.

Bill Gates (0, Offtopic)

LennyDotCom (26658) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126393)

I loved the Bill Gates diaries better especially when hed talked about the spice girls WooHoo Saw da simpsonsons 2day Spider pig spider pig

Re:Bill Gates (5, Funny)

arth1 (260657) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126899)

Yeah, but the Fake Steve Jobs was fake...

Re:Bill Gates (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127315)

Wow! How many lines did you just do? Can I have some?

Solved? Or handed on a platter? (4, Insightful)

1u3hr (530656) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126841)

I suspect this was more an unveiling than a discovery. Notice in TFA:

In October, Da Capo Press will publish his satirical novel written in the voice of the Fake Steve character, "Options: The Secret Life of Steve Jobs, a Parody."
He'll be actively courting publicity now.

Re:Solved? Or handed on a platter? (1)

wintermute0758 (1138791) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127007)

in this this interview [] he mentioned that he was going to wait until after the book was released to reveal himself. but whether that's true or not, we'll never know

Actually, it makes a lot of sense... (5, Informative)

Xenographic (557057) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126949)

Dan Lyons was that guy who schilled for SCO, repeating their press releases as if they were news, helping to stalk PJ of Groklaw, creating a blog that seemed to serve little purpose except to give SCO a "source" to cite in its litigation, calling us all fools for thinking SCO had no case, etc.

Finding out that he's been out trolling some more only makes sense. I mean, the guy is one great big douchbag and he loves getting people riled up. Doesn't Forbes want him publishing under his real name any more? I don't blame them. He's like a Dvorak clone who likes to rile anti-SCO people instead of Apple fans.

Re:Actually, it makes a lot of sense... (1)

tetrahedrassface (675645) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127385)

I would mod this up.. if I could.. *looks at slashdot gods*

Re:Actually, it makes a lot of sense... (2, Interesting)

Ohreally_factor (593551) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127523)

Yeah, he's that Dan Lyons. Total scumbag hack. This is possibly what made him such a great Fake Steve Jobs.

Then he did something that I still can't believe. He picked up a marker and started drawing on my whiteboard. Which everyone knows is a huge pet peeve of mine. It's my whiteboard. Which I was standing at, holding a marker, writing things like, Wrong, Stupid, Clueless, Dumbass, No Friggin way, and so forth. So he started drawing on the whiteboard, things like Money, Mine, and Shut up, and I'm just standing there like, Oh. My. God. I can't believe I'm seeing this. What the frig? I could feel the veins in my eyes starting to swell up like they might explode. And I was like, Put. Down. The. Friggin. Marker. Now. Seriously, man, before I do some aikido moves and rip out your friggin heart and eat it in front of you, still beating. Or take your friggin head off. How dare you? How dare you? This is my whiteboard. That's it. Take your stupid money and don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out. I'll do my own blog, on my own terms. Now, despite all this, I did say "Peace" as he left.
-- From the post God it feels so good to fire people [] .

So, Dan Lyons the reporter? Douchebag should choke on his own cock. Dan Lyons the satirist? Artist. It's too bad he's folding The Secret Diary into Forbes. He should quit his job there, leave the douchebaggery behind him, and strike out on his own.

Re:Actually, it makes a lot of sense... (2, Insightful)

foo fighter (151863) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127601)

Please post some citations for your serious accusations.

Your statements are as libelous as what you accuse Lyons of, if they are not true.

Weaselly posts like this modded up to +5 are why I rarely read /. anymore.

One Kabillionth as good as... (1)

Arthur Grumbine (1086397) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127181)

Fred Armisen. And he did it right under the NYT noses.

Re:Solved? (1)

mashade (912744) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127207)

Fake Steve captured an audience of 700,000 visitors to the site and around 50 emails a day.

Wow! How can I get that popular?

Of course it had to be solved. And you call yourself a geek!

And as they say on Ebaum's World (5, Funny)

LameAssTheMity (998266) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126315)

Fake, everyone knows Steve Jobs isn't real.

Re:And as they say on Ebaum's World (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126797)

An otherwise funny comment is stuck in that limbo, bouncing from negative to zero to positive moderation. Falling victim to the moderators punishment for an absolutely unforgiveable sin, admiting visitation of ebaum's world. Although this is AC, it would seem your uid is broken, cut it in half and try again(without the reference to 'other places').

Re:And as they say on Ebaum's World (2, Funny)

antdude (79039) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126893)

Are you saying he's a robot?

Link NYT (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126331)

Mystery solved: 'Fake Steve' blogger comes clean [] See CNET's reprint of the NYT article there.

John Howard: Prime Minister (5, Funny)

Trentus (1017602) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126405)

A few years ago, a friend directed me to [] . It's one of the few web pages I've actually laughed out loud at. It's written in a great style.

Re:John Howard: Prime Minister (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127059)

Who the hell is that?

Re:John Howard: Prime Minister (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127261)

John Howard is the Prime Minister of Australia.

Re:John Howard: Prime Minister (3, Funny)

GaryPatterson (852699) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127271)

Since Google is broken and no other Internet search engine can apparently be reached from your computer, I'll help you out. John Howard is the Australian Prime Minister. That's Australia, the huge island between the Indian and Pacific Oceans (west of California), about the size of the USA. It's not Austria, the small country next to Germany (in Europe, which is across the Atlantic Ocean, east of the USA). Normally I'd not bother with such detailed information, but it'll save you asking again, or having to work out how to search for information on the Internet.

Re:John Howard: Prime Minister (4, Funny)

dbIII (701233) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127611)

Yes, but when it comes down to it he's not hugely relevant so is ignorable internationally - his government has pretty well been in caretaker mode for the last decade and his foreign policy is "me too". Even a major US newspaper got his name wrong and called him Mike Hunt when he was visiting the USA - possibly misled by an Aussie that was playing a bit of a joke. The last Prime Minister we had that we would expect people to notice is Malcolm Fraser - very tall, face like an Easter Island statue and memorable for running around in a US hotel with no pants on.

Gotta get that Aussie connection in! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127433)

Every fucking story on Slashdot is deluged with "Me too!" posts by Australians.

Darn. (1)

Trillan (597339) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126409)

I hope he regroups and comes back. FSJ is one of the most entertaining reads on the web. Would it be so hard to pretend the genie didn't come out of the bottle? Does it really make a difference? Well, I guess it does, because everyone will always be analyzing it for ulterior motives now...

Re:Darn. (1)

morgan_greywolf (835522) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126459)

Simple solution: Have someone else, who has no ties to Lyons take over the blog. It's not that hard to write stuff like that and I'd imagine that anyone has been reading the FSJ blog for sometime with a decent sense of humor and some writing skills could pick it up pretty easily.

Re:Darn. (1)

Lewisham (239493) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126469)

I think it's really sad someone was so determined to do this. FSJ was funny because there was always a tiny, *tiny* inkling it could actually be RSJ. But now we know it's not.

It's rather like running around Disney World and pulling the heads off the characters. We know they're fake... but do you have to completely ruin it for everyone?

Re:Darn. (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126717) [] :

"The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs," a satirical blog about Apple's iconic chief executive and purporting to be penned by him, will be published in association with starting Aug. 6.
I'm not sure if this was as much an unmasking as it was a well-timed publicity stunt.

Re:Darn. (4, Funny)

Simon Garlick (104721) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126925)

The thing that blows my mind is that there's an editor out there who can WRITE.

Fantastic reporting (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126435)

Welcome to 12 hours ago. Slashdot: Only posting timely news when we're duping a story we posted just weeks ago.

Good job, New York Times. (5, Insightful)

Scoria (264473) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126465)

Now, if only we could get those investigative journalists of yours to apply their talent where it really makes a difference...

Almost as good, Forbes. (1, Insightful)

twitter (104583) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126533)

Now, if only we could get those investigative journalists of yours to apply their talent where it really makes a difference...

Or if Daniel Lyons and Forbes could really understand technical issues and provide informed reporting instead of tired satire. Really, this guy's bad attitude comes across in his day job too.

Whiney mac fanboy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126729)

Nice troll. It's all fun and games, don't let it get to you.

Re:Almost as good, Forbes. (1)

Ohreally_factor (593551) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127585)

The attitude and sloppiness and axegrinding should have no place in serious journalism, which is probably why they're qualities so evident over at Forbes. That is, if you can get past the intrusive advertising to actually read the content. Bleh. On the other hand, these very same attributes are what gave Fake Steve Jobs his charming quality. And if there was an axe to grind, you can be sure he'd grind everyone's axe, even and especially Apple's. Here's a choice quote from one of his posts entitled Regarding my management style [] :

I told them, Look, the Apple keyboard is not small enough. So instead of a regular qwerty keyboard, we're going to make it like a cell phone keypad, where each key has three letters. Right away we cut the alphabet portion by two-thirds. Sure, people will have to re-learn how to type. But if we make this keyboard beautiful enough, and if we charge enough money, like say maybe five hundred bucks, they'll switch. You know they will. Remember: these are people who spend 500 bucks extra, on average, just because a computer is shiny white.

The failure of Communism was hard on the NYTimes (0, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126637)

Give 'em a break. They've been floundering for a left-wing dictator to whitewash for a long time now.

Think I'm kidding?

Google "Walter Duranty".


Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127577)

And the NYT wonders why newspaper subscription is failing.

It ain't the medium, buddy.
It is the content.

Yeah, Walter Duranty is an Inconvenient Truth for the devotees of the NYT.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126795)

Now they should try cracking the identity of Mini-Microsoft [] , who describes himself (yes, self-described as a man) as a low-level manager of long tenure still working for Microsoft in Redmond WA.

But maybe, it's someone just a bit different whom the outside world has actually heard of.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (3, Insightful)

jacoplane (78110) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126829)

Seriously, hearing that the New York Times would actually allow their reporters to investigate this story makes me really sad. Is the Times turning into NBC Dateline?

We have Pakistan (our ally) collaborating with the Taliban [] , there are Over 20 million displaced homeless [] due to floods in India, and let's not mention the hypocrisy of the government at home.

If The New York Times feels that this is a worthy exercise for their investigative reporters.... what has the world come to. Rupert Murdoch owns the WSJ, and I think that everyone knows that Murdoch can't keep his fingers out of the editorial pages of any newspaper he runs. There is hope, however. There are still investigative journalists worth reading out there, here's one: Seymour Hersh []

Re:Good job, New York Times. (4, Insightful)

KingSkippus (799657) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127041)

You do know that the New York Times has more than one reporter, right? And that it's possible for them to write stories on silly little things like this and still cover the Taliban, homeless, floods, and government? Oh, and even give us a nifty new crossword every day?

Re:Good job, New York Times. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127335)

It's one thing to say that and then point to all the actual news they've covered. It's another thing when this is basically the crowning achievement of the NYT in the last 6 months.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (1)

letchhausen (95030) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127587)

No crosswords allowed! You must huddle in fear of the Taliban and only read news concerning injustice in the world.....

Re:Good job, New York Times. (4, Insightful)

vought (160908) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127473)

We have Pakistan (our ally) collaborating with the Taliban [], there are Over 20 million displaced homeless [] due to floods in India, and let's not mention the hypocrisy of the government at home.
If The New York Times feels that this is a worthy exercise for their investigative reporters....

Maybe it's the only kind of investigative reporting that they can do these days without being arrested.

Don't scoff - Bush himself went on a rampage after the NYTimes outed his little "go around the courts" wiretapping program.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (1)

ThousandStars (556222) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127599)

With the world being what it is -- which is what it always has been -- there is no room for fun. None. Every day people are dying, and we're reading Slashdot. Okay, maybe that isn't fun, but sometimes we're using procreation processors for pleasure when we could be thinking about the Taliban. Okay, so, once again, we're reading Slashdot, so this is unlikely. Well, we're writing filesystems. {get Recursive_Joke}

Re:Good job, New York Times. (4, Funny)

MillionthMonkey (240664) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127655)

Every day people are dying, and we're reading Slashdot.

Well, none of us have real Jobs.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (2, Insightful)

dbIII (701233) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127645)

We have Pakistan (our ally) collaborating with the Taliban

That was old news in 1999. The Taliban are what happens when the kids that grow up in brutal refugee camps back over the border from Pakistan and come home to turn the entire country into a brutal refugee camp. The links are very deep to different factions in Pakistan - but you can't blame the entire country for it. Other allies such as Algeria get up to far nastier things.

When it comes down to it this article probably only needed a few hours of investigation - the guy went after PJ from Groklaw in a pretty obvious and nasty way which narrowed it down to him or the Amityville horror girl.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (5, Insightful)

Wordsmith (183749) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126901)

Oh please. The NYT does a whole range of things, from fluff to hard-hitting international journalism - from book reviews to government exposes, from quirky coverage of Adult Swim's Star Wars Project to insider political reporting. The diversity of coverage is part of what makes it a strong paper.

That its did this says nothing about the quality of its coverage of other items. You can't look at every use of a resource as wasteful just because it's not devoted to the single most important item of the day; the breadth of coverage is important too.

Re:Good job, New York Times. (1)

Breakfast Pants (323698) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127245)

OMG government, why are you worrying about highways when there are TERRORISTS out there!?!?!?

They did such a good job... (1)

TodMinuit (1026042) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127319)

Can you say "Edward R. Murrow award?"

Tragedy (5, Funny)

fishthegeek (943099) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126477)

I feel like a tiny bit of myself has been killed today. I will never experience the same innocent joy that accompanies reading a fake CEO blog again. Damn frigtard reporters.

Next assignment: (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126497)

The New York Times is now working on the identify of an even more prolific online writer, "Anonymous Coward".

Re:Next assignment: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126591)

Fuck, they're onto me!

Re:Next assignment: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126615)

They will never figure out that I am Spartacus.

Re:Next assignment: (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126745)

They need to hurry, Fox 11 has a headstart on them [] !

Re:Next assignment: (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126963)

I won't lie. I once thought Anonymous Coward was a single person with way too much time on his hands.

This needs quoting (5, Informative)

eclectro (227083) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126519)

This is from Fake Steve's blog [] ;

"You put the pieces of the puzzle together. You went through my trash, hacked into my computer, and put listening devices in my home. Now you've ruined the mystery of Fake Steve, robbing thousands of people around the world of their sense of childlike wonder. Hope you feel good about yourself, you mangina."

Re:This needs quoting (2, Funny)

creimer (824291) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126705)

OMG! The Fake Steve is a dog! That means the Real Steve has to be a cat! The Mac OS X naming scheme makes perfect sense now! :P

A better quote (4, Funny)

chebucto (992517) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126763)

From the same post on the blog:

One bright side is that at least I was busted by the Times and not Valleywag. I really, really enjoyed seeing those guys keep guessing wrong. For six months Dr. Evil and Mr. Bigglesworth put their big brains together and couldn't come up with the answer. Guy from the Times did it in a week. So much for the trope about smarty-pants bloggers disrupting old media. Brilliant.
File under "It's funny, laugh"

Re:A better quote (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127351)

Did someone say celebrity blog? []

Re:A better quote (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127439)

That's so funny it puts trollaxor to shame; the ending seals the deal. I only hope the wicked witch herself has read it...

Let me guess ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127323)

... hacked into my computer ..
Running windows by any chance ?

thanks NYT! (4, Funny)

godawful (84526) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126541)

i'm glad someone killed the child-like wonder FSJ had instilled in my life, next assignment? an exposé on proving santa claus isn't real, just in time for xmas

Yes, Virginia (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126679)

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?


VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Possibly the best reply ever from the then editor of the New York Sun. []

Re:thanks NYT! (2, Funny)

catbutt (469582) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126853)

an exposé on proving santa claus isn't real, just in time for xmas
maybe more appropriate and useful would be to show that jesus isn't real.

NYT's next big story: Wrestling is pre-determined (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126555)

And Hulk Hogan did not, in fact, beat most of his opponents legitimately.

Re:NYT's next big story: Wrestling is pre-determin (0, Offtopic)

Lillesvin (797939) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126737)

"I always thought it was real like pro wrestling, but it's fixed like boxing." (Source [] )

Best known. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20126559)

I guess he's no longer best known for being a SCO supporting paided shill.

Oy - mod parent up, y'all! (4, Interesting)

Penguinisto (415985) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126611)

I guess he's no longer best known for being a SCO supporting paided{sic} shill.

Actually, given who it turned out to be, the motives and biases are rather clear in hindsight. I'm almost willing to bet that Steve Ballmer wasn't among the "other CEO voices" Mr. Lyons tried out...

But then, maybe it was a means for ol' Dan to get out his juvenile side?

I dunno - this is starting to sound too much like a flamebait -ish pack of conspiracy theories. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was funny here and there - but seeing who's behind it makes me wonder if it wasn't just a larger propaganda campaign on Lyons' part.


Re:Oy - mod parent up, y'all! (2, Interesting)

neillewis (137544) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126749)

Try and find a used copy of Dan's 'currently unavailable' novel Dog Days. He started out mocking MS (in a sub-Coupland stylee) and when that didn't get him much kudos he started taking it out on their competitors.

Somebody should start a Fake Dan Lyons blog...

Re:Best known. (4, Informative)

toxic666 (529648) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126715)

Groklaw 95515884 []

sums it up pretty well.

An "analyst" who supported SCO Group and is suspected as an MS front man. You wonder why there are conspiracy theories about MS being behind SCO Group's actions?

With 20/20 hindsight, it had to be Lyons, MOG or Dildio.

Re:Best known. (2, Interesting)

Jeremy_Bee (1064620) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126983)

I like and respect Groklaw and so on, but I don't think they actually said what you think they did, and the "evidence" is pretty scant.

FSJ used the term "People Ready" once in a blog and Bill Gates mentioned FSJ in a recent interview so ...
of course the whole thing is a conspiracy on Microsoft's part and Bill Gates was in on it?

I don't see how that necessarily follows.

The way I read the Groklaw article, they are merely reporting on the guy that's throwing this theory out there. I don't see Groklaw themselves as seriously proposing that FSJ is some kind of Microsoft plot.

Re:Best known. (2, Informative)

toxic666 (529648) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127407)

Please evaluate when you take the actions and statements of Lyons, MOG and Dildio in their entirety, not just the context of this incident.

The point PJ made was about "unbiased" journalism. She was stalked and outed in a mean-spirited attack. Lyons, MOG and Dildio have been consistent supporters of SCO Group in the face of community debunking of SCO Groups claims.

PJ has voiced a valid concern that one of the SCO Group's supporters and a possible MS shill was caught in a fake blog, as he wrote about blogging as a threat to the truth.

Get real. There is a story here and PJ reported responsibly.

Re:Best known. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127677)

"The point PJ made was about "unbiased" journalism."

The FSJ blog is a f*cking joke. You do know what the word "joke" means ... one wonders.

Seriously, this has made me look at Groklaw in a different way. Whoever wrote that Groklaw story needs to get over himself. He needs to take the tinfoil hat off, too.

Anonymous personal attack on PJ (1)

dbIII (701233) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127695)

An anonymous personal attack disguised as a bad injoke that few would get still looks like a personal attack to me. What little I've seen of this blog looks as unfunny as racial humor to me - I can see the putdowns but I just don't get the joke.

That's the end of my anonymous attack - you see despite the name I am not really a crappy old database program.

NYT guy wanted revenge (1)

fyrewulff (702920) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126667)

I mean, just look at this quote:

"Lyons clearly used the Fake Steve persona to further some of his own interests and positions. For example, articles in other business publications and their journalists were a frequent target of criticism from Fake Steve, while Forbes got off comparatively easy."

He was mad that this obviously fake Steve, which nobody was really taking seriously, was making too much fun of him.

Seriously, that looks like a kid wrote it. I can even hear the whiny voice...

Re:NYT guy wanted revenge (3, Insightful)

dbIII (701233) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127285)

Lyons did push a bit too far. For example his personal attack on PJ from Groklaw is overstepping the bounds, isn't relevant to the "character", most of his audience would have never heard of her previously and it was not remotely funny or on topic - just a rant. Since he's no longer anonymous he has to cop the criticism and loss of reputation like any other "satirist" paticularly if it is self serving - but would or should anybody really sue?

Shoot. (1)

SeaFox (739806) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126711)

People may make jokes about how this was a mystery that wasn't that great and "who cares" but really, I actually rather liked the fact it was unknown.

Yeah, no one really believed it was the real Steve Jobs, but it's still one of those things where now that it's out things aren't quite the same.

Secret Diary of Bill Gates (4, Interesting)

1u3hr (530656) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126713)

The "Secret Diary of Bill Gates, Aged 40 1/4" was in a similar vein, about 10 years ago. This was written, as the title implies, in the style of Adrian Mole, as a self-important nerd.

Monday, January 15
No. It can't be true! They really are writing about Steve Jobs -- I just saw the latest Wired magazine with an in-depth interview with the Boy Wonder. Why is he a "visionary"? I'm a visionary too. Why don't they call me a "visionary"? I'm tired of being "ruthlessly competitive". This guy got lucky too. I mean, you know, they always say I got lucky when IBM licensed DOS. That wasn't luck, it was skill. I negotiated a great deal from IBM then ran over to Patterson's place and snapped up Q-DOS. That takes *balls*. Jobs has no balls. Jobs is a guy who spends two weeks choosing a washer/dryer. Yes, *two* weeks. For what? Like, $500 or so. The guy has millions. Jobs is a guy who actually cares about his clothes "feeling really soft". What a loser --
The site lasted a year or so. I found an archive of 1997 here. []

Re:Secret Diary of Bill Gates (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127205)

brad, v.i.: (0, Offtopic)

wintermute0758 (1138791) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126847)

3. frigtard grinch

Well, that's ok... (1)

bmo (77928) | more than 7 years ago | (#20126907)

Dan "Lyin'" Lyons invents stuff all the time. He should stick to fiction and selling it as such, instead of trying to palm it off as somehow related to reality.


This is borderline lolcat! (3, Funny)

Lethyos (408045) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127001)

“Fake Steve Jobs is fake!” Shocking!

The Real Question /.ers Want to Know... (4, Interesting)

earthbound kid (859282) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127085)

What ever happened to As Seen On TV [] ?

Re:The Real Question /.ers Want to Know... (2, Informative)

GaryPatterson (852699) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127287)

I sometimes wonder about that. Every few months I check his profile, to find no new posts. Hmm...

Re:The Real Question /.ers Want to Know... (1, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127343)

Has anyone, like, emailed him to see what happens? asseen _at_ gmail _dot_ com

the senior editor at Forbes? (1)

Sneeper (182316) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127095)

There's quite a semantic difference between being a senior editor at Forbes and being the senior editor at Forbes. I bet there's a difference in salary too.

don't know what to say (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127103)

Does anyone recommend a place on the internet where topics of discussion are actually constructive while the security of participation and maintainance are guarenteed?

Seeing so many recent Slashdot posts like this one makes an unfortunate life. Wish I could be the owner of an website, and an owner of an internet server, and an owner of electrical lines in a city (like what Google wants to do), and an owner of my own nation, so I could do whatever I want without depending on anyone or anything ... just a dream.

Hopefully I will get a constructive (if any) reply. ... just a dream, but not compelled.

Forbes sponsorship (2, Informative)

Sneeper (182316) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127117)

Looks like Forbes is capitalizing on the fact that it's one of their own. They are going to officially sponsor the blog on now.

Fake Steve Jobs comes clean []
Forbes' phone interview with Daniel Lyons [] (has annoying commercials)

Dan Lyons (2, Insightful)

snowwrestler (896305) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127129)

I wonder how many /. readers are going to look at the FSJ posts about "freetards" in a different light now that they know it was Dan Lyons behind the keyboard? This is not a guy who has been well-received on Slashdot in the past.

off topic (1)

martin_henry (1032656) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127139)

...but how do so many /. readers tag articles with the same seemingly random tags? example: the article before this one is tagged "ohnoitsroland" and the first article today about WoW is tagged "handdrawngames" how?

Re:off topic (1)

narf (207) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127183)

As far as 'ohnoitsroland' goes, he seems pretty well known around here for getting many articles posted that link to his own blog, which then links to the original article. Doesn't seem to be doing that so much lately, but that's still what I think when I see his name.

Monty Python Version (1)

Evilest Doer (969227) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127141)

[Pantomime Steve Jobs appers]
Pantomime Steve Jobs: iHello, everyone!
Bigels: Back in the closet, you pantomime CEO person!
[Pantomime Steve Jobs, still waving, walks backwards back into closet]
[Real Zonk appears]
Bigels: Begone, you pantomime editor person!
[Bigels thwacks Zonk with big foam cluebat]
[Zonk runs off in tears, with kdawson close behind, licking Zonk's posterior]

The original true fake Steve Jobs' blog (4, Interesting)

didlybom (608643) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127357)

I believe I was the first one to write a fake Steve Jobs' blog. I stopped when it reached the top 5 results for a 'steve jobs' search and Apple's legal department contacted me. []

Breaking News... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127359)

FBI Raids home of NY Times reporter for leaking identity of Fake Steve Jobs.

Damn! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 7 years ago | (#20127411)

First Santa Claus, then the Easter Bunny, and now the Fake Steve Jobs. I suppose next someone will try to tell me there's no Tooth Fairy!

No... (1)

simplerThanPossible (1056682) | more than 7 years ago | (#20127549)

...I am fake Steve Jobs
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