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Attack of the Evil Monkeys From Hell

kdawson posted about 7 years ago | from the who's-wearing-the-pants dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 462

grrlscientist writes "A new form of communication between wild vervet monkeys and humans is causing humans distress — and a collapse of their food supply. Approximately 300 vervet monkeys in Kenya are sexually harassing the women of a village so they can steal their crops. None of the attempts to discourage the monkeys has so far worked."

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462 comments

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Family Guy warned us (2, Funny)

ZachMG (1122511) | about 7 years ago | (#20351705)

i mean come on, we should have seen it coming, "theres a evil monkey in my closet"

Tit-for-Tat (5, Funny)

pipingguy (566974) | about 7 years ago | (#20351707)

Have they tried flinging feces at the monkeys yet?

Re:Tit-for-Tat (4, Funny)

Aqua OS X (458522) | about 7 years ago | (#20351751)

No, just spanking.

When shit walks. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351871)

I think they already flew their feces at them. The feces grew arms and legs, sprouted eyes and bigg lips, started talking some tribal language that sounded like "wahh tu to ee *clique*claq*", started chucking spears at their own kind, and then spread aids to their families in Los Angeles CA and New Orleans GA.

Re:Tit-for-Tat (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352099)

They can even practice online first:
http://www.addictinggames.com/supermonkeyp oopflinging.html

Not that hard of a problem to solve (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351713)

Shoot the damn monkeys already

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (4, Interesting)

19thNervousBreakdown (768619) | about 7 years ago | (#20351733)

Just make sure to lock your guns up, since they're breaking into homes. Monkey see, monkey do.

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (5, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351741)

It's a criminal offense to harm them.

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (0)

gujo-odori (473191) | about 7 years ago | (#20351805)

Like nobody ever poached in Africa? It's a criminal offense to hunt gorillas too, yet there's a real possibility of hunting driving gorillas to extinction in the wild.

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351897)

Like nobody ever poached in Africa? It's a criminal offense to hunt gorillas too, yet there's a real possibility of hunting driving gorillas to extinction in the wild.
I'm not sure you realize that we don't live in bizzaro-logic world. Just because people poach gorillas and get away with it does not by default mean that these villagers could kill monkeys and get away with it. It isn't as if the authorities will say "well gorillas are going extinct so we might as well shoot some monkeys."

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (1)

gujo-odori (473191) | about 7 years ago | (#20352019)

But it means it would be about as hard to catch them. Somebody shoots some monkeys. You've got no witnesses, no weapon, maybe not even bodies if they have enough time. Who are you going to arrest?

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (2, Funny)

aevan (903814) | about 7 years ago | (#20352047)

"Some apes, it seems, are more equal than others."

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351909)

Too bad the monkeys didn't mimic the humans' farming habits.

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352063)

Fuck the law. Kill the damn monkeys and eat them.

Re:Not that hard of a problem to solve (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352069)

That's no way to talk about Kenyans...

Those aren't monkeys... (5, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351723)

they're phi sigma kappa pledges

Re:Those aren't monkeys... (1)

gujo-odori (473191) | about 7 years ago | (#20351795)

They're just lucky it's not 300 Slashdotters...

Oh the ladies were hot! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351833)

I had the PRIVILEGE to sit in a condo next to a sorority center for women that repeated their "SIGMA KAPPA IS THE BEST SORRORITY" message every ~15 minutes in their club retreat. Those bitches, about 20 of them, all younge and horney, and they would just stand around all day in tight-fitting Mervins clothing and just talk. I and me buds had birds-eye views at ground level into their 2-story building embedded in a residential neighborhood in Fullerton (California). We put some strapon dildos on the front-porche at night, addressed to the main broad, and she took them in for discussion. Damn we waited a long time, but none of them considered plugging eachother's twats with our mighty rubber dycks. Cunts is all they were. Just loud as fuck in the summer heat, and none could sleep when they began belting out their chants in the morning evry Saturday and Sunday.

Why couldn't they just DO SOMTHING? Anything! Just do it, stop lining up like that 1984 Apple flyck. Of'course, at mid-day each of them had these "old" people arrive to pick them up. I think they were high-school sorrority students, and they were still appeasing to their parents standards.

New behavior? Mimicing humans is well observed. (1, Flamebait)

Shivani1141 (996696) | about 7 years ago | (#20351739)

It's Illegal to kill a pest animal now? Okay, monkeys are intelligent. alright, they're somewhat intelligent. but they're protected by the gov't why? you can sure bet If it was humans undertaking this same behavior the men would have been right up in that situation laying down the law, I don't see why they just don't deal with it. Sounds like a sympathy beg to me. As for the behavior quirks, Is that really significant? We learned from numerous instances of interaction with monkeys in the past that they easily mimic and correctly apply our methods and tools after sufficient observation. Unless there is proof of the contrary, I'm going to step forward and say that they're just mimicking behavior that they have previously observed humans using.

Re:New behavior? Mimicing humans is well observed. (1)

badran (973386) | about 7 years ago | (#20351835)

They must have seen a raid of some kind, and saw that it was profitable for the raiders. So why not try that....

good golly (0, Troll)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351847)

"ut they're protected by the gov't why? "

the "why" there, that single word, nullifies your chances of getting any decent response to what you post. if you are not able to understand that "why", you wouldnt be able to understand what someone explains to you.

Re:good golly (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351983)

You really need to lay down the bong.

So asking a question automatically means you will not understand the answer? Personally after seeing your posts in this article I have to believe you're a moron. A very poorly written moron.

Oh and you were right in another comment... you are no zoologist. You completely missed the point of his comment so you could babble on about some more eco-nonsense. You better be doing this to get laid... otherwise proclaiming that a monkey has more of a right to live than a human makes you quite disgusting.

Re:good golly (-1, Troll)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20352031)

actually what i think is no human here, especially anyone from the western countries that megacorps that suck the africa dry and powerless, hence unable to solve the famine are from have zero right to talk about a humans right to live.

Re:good golly (0, Flamebait)

powerlinekid (442532) | about 7 years ago | (#20352051)

Well, I would recommend that you learn English before you start hanging out on "western countries" web sites.

It just might make someone care about what you have to say. What you just wrote? Not English. Just because your country isn't developed doesn't mean you have the right to bitch about people who live in a country that is. I don't expect you to understand this... but the US alone has 300 million people with 300 million different agendas. Not all Americas work for a megacorp... in fact very few do.

weeeeell welll (-1, Troll)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20352111)

my english and my country may be "underdeveloped" but you apparently have been able to understand what i said despite my underdeveloped english in all your glory.

and before you even twitch your developed brain further to get what i mean, i would like to remind that not the language or the words or the linguistics of, but what is contained therein in an excerpt of text is all that matters.

human rights declaration was not in english. jean jacques rousseau, voltaire and others did not write the books that transferred the ideals that made the "western countries" of today what they are in english, erasmus did not preach his ideals that brought humanism into renaissance scene and eventually today, in english, french revolutionaries, who have put forth the first modern type of government, type of which you are now blabbering here and trying to lord over me, were not speaking english, aristoteles, diogenes, perikles did not know a word of english, and if they knew im sure they would speak it worse than me.

yet, you, a blabberscrap of an excuse for a citizen of a "developed" country, are openly trying to lord things that you know zilch about, over me, despite your ignorance of what made the country you so tout itself.

first, learn child. then speak. and if you are going to post blabberscrap on slashdot, try to do it as an anonymous coward, not actually with your own nickname.

Re:good golly (3, Insightful)

Shivani1141 (996696) | about 7 years ago | (#20351987)

I'm quite able to understand the why there. "why" in this case, can be any number of reasons, danger of extinction, protected habitat area, significant to plant growth of a protected wildlife area (fecal seeding, or the like). That's a no brainer. However, they're also a danger to farming operations in Africa, which for a good chunk of the last quarter century at LEAST has been plagued by drought, mismanaged farms and other issues which confound the ability of the populace to adequately feed itself. Therefore, the only real reason is a WWF/UN imperative created by 1st world enviromentalist interests to protect the animals.

However, regardless of how many monkeys of that particular species there might be, we're doing overreaching amounts of harm by allowing them to become attached to a method of food gathering that relies on raiding human foodstocks. A raiding party clearly needs to be made example of (harmed preferrably, but face it, it's Africa, they're getting killed.) So that the monkies return to a sustainable natural gathering method that would allow them to function smoothly and avoid attracting human ire in the long run. Failing the luxury of such a solution, the other viable alternative is moving the clan of monkeys entirely.

Anyways, in response to your post, that why should be something like "why are they being blindly protected" not "why are they protected". Protection schemes that interfere with the ability of an organism to cope with certain challenges damage that organism when that challenge arises.

Re:good golly (1, Insightful)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20352039)

A raiding party clearly needs to be made example of (harmed preferrably, but face it, it's Africa, they're getting killed.) So that the monkies return to a sustainable natural gathering method that would allow them to function smoothly and avoid attracting human ire in the long run. Failing the luxury of such a solution, the other viable alternative is moving the clan of monkeys entirely.


a raiding party is their sustainable natural gathering method. if you make them give up that, then you will be eradicating them. and, even if you kill half of a raiding party, in 1-2 generations, which wont be 1-2 years, they will have forgotten it.

Re:New behavior? Mimicing humans is well observed. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351919)

becouse those monkeys are on the verge of extinction while humans are not.

They must not be trying very hard. (1)

psychicsword (1036852) | about 7 years ago | (#20351743)

None of the attempts to discourage the monkeys has so far worked.
How about kicking them(Yes I did RTFA)

From the Article

"Despite their new problems with the monkeys, it is a criminal offence to harm or kill any of them, so the besieged villagers must figure out a way to outwit the monkeys instead."
What I want to know is what the punishment is for killing some and who is going to miss a few of the "approximately 300 marauding monkeys"?

Re:They must not be trying very hard. (1)

sumdumass (711423) | about 7 years ago | (#20351889)

Why not place food in places for them away from the women, let them get hooked on that and then after it looks like they might have forgotten how to hump for food, cut the food off and let them starve. Eventually, nature will take over and there will be enough monkeys to live off the food available.

And maybe you could by the food from china and kill them that way. At least then you could blame it on the Chinese and hope you don't get punished for it.

Dress up as king kong gorrila suit (1)

cheekyboy (598084) | about 7 years ago | (#20351977)

And run and scare the heebieejeebiies out of them.

Or give them a few bananas laced with LCD.

Subscribe the monkeys to Slashdot (4, Funny)

Antique Geekmeister (740220) | about 7 years ago | (#20351747)

That way, they'll only watch porn all night and never actually lay a hand on anything female.

Re:Subscribe the monkeys to Slashdot (5, Funny)

psychicsword (1036852) | about 7 years ago | (#20351783)

I take offense to that just because I watch porn all night and never actually laid a hand on anything female doesn't mean I read slashdot... Oh wait

Losing battle (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351753)

Well, if we're going to tilt the playing field in their favor by preventing the people from harming the monkeys (it's a criminal offense, apparently), then it's a losing battle.

You need to be able to whip out a shotgun and use it. That would discourage them.

Damn monkeys.

Re:Losing battle (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352143)

Just for fun let's go over some methods that don't involve killing them.

- Trap them
- Feed them lots of alcohol, making them stupid and useless
- Enslave them to do your farming (chains, whips, the whole deal)
- Capture, then drop them in the middle of the jungle 1000 miles away or on an island (probably the most humane)
- Pit the monkeys against each other somehow, leaving no blood on your hands
- Blind them
- Build an unclimbable wall (or dig a deep ditch) to keep the invading hordes out
- Put something in a separate food supply that will upset their stomachs greatly
- Force half of them to wear human's clothes (I have no idea what this will do, maybe something interesting)
- Make them wear funny hats, then put them on TV or in movies
- Run away, run away! (Lamest solution)

It all began when the monkeys got cable tv... (4, Funny)

Telephone Sanitizer (989116) | about 7 years ago | (#20351755)

They've been watching BET.

Re:It all began when the monkeys got cable tv... (3, Interesting)

Telephone Sanitizer (989116) | about 7 years ago | (#20352009)

Modded Flamebait?!

That wasn't just a joke, it was culturally sensitive humor, pointing out the misogynistic tendencies of a popular television channel.

Perhaps I was too subtle for you: BET teaches that women are objects to be exploited for sex or random abuse. Monkeys, watching BET would learn and mimic that behavior. So might human kids.

See? That wasn't flame bait at all.

Still don't get it? Turn on BET and watch for a few minutes at any time up until 4am when it switches to religious programming.

Re:It all began when the monkeys got cable tv... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352043)

You expect the mods to be worth a damn? You must be new here

Someone just needs to start... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351757)

Spank those goddamn monkeys already, people!

Youtube footage of the monkeys (1, Funny)

Spy der Mann (805235) | about 7 years ago | (#20351763)

Someone managed to record the monkeys and upload the footage. Here's the url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj25gRwsZmE [youtube.com]

Re:Youtube footage of the monkeys (1)

deftcoder (1090261) | about 7 years ago | (#20351881)

Wow... long time since I heard that one.

Mods, +Funny?

Re:Youtube footage of the monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351955)

apparently the mods lost their sense of humor tonight. :-/

Re:Youtube footage of the monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351935)

In other news, one of the monkeys has been ostracized from the group, and is showing some disturbing signs :

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xJ3y_QopcuQ [youtube.com]

Re:Youtube footage of the monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352149)

Alternative food source documented at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEEmUdkTyJ0 [youtube.com]

when arnt they going hungry? (5, Funny)

Pvt. Cthulhu (990218) | about 7 years ago | (#20351769)

eat the monkeys. problem solved.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (-1)

Apuleius (6901) | about 7 years ago | (#20351857)

When Africans eat apes, bad things happen. Somewhere in Africa, some time in the 1970's, some villagers suffered some sort of crop failure or other cause of food shortage, and resorted to eating "bush meat," i.e. chimps.

The result was AIDS.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (1)

Antique Geekmeister (740220) | about 7 years ago | (#20351941)

People have been eating bush meat since our species evolved with incisors and canines. It's *not* eating bush meat that's a bit odd, over the evolutionary time scale. And it's hardly just chimps: it's anything you can find and kill to eat in the bush. It's a real problem for endangered species: when human population growth shrinks their habitates and numbers, and then those hungry humans hunt them to feed starving children because the fertilizer prices went up or the civil war has destroyed jobs and burned crops, it's very hard to tell people not to feed their children.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (1)

Apuleius (6901) | about 7 years ago | (#20351949)

Meat and "bush meat" are two different things. It's one thing to eat vegetarian animals. You have to be lacking other options to eat a carnivore. And if you eat a carnivorous primate, that's potential for serious trouble. People in Africa have eaten chimps since time immemorial. Generally, when nothing better was available, because eating them is a Bad Idea.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (1)

Antique Geekmeister (740220) | about 7 years ago | (#20352145)

My goodness, you are mixing up things. Chimps are not carnivores. They're omnivores. And lots of people will eat omnivores: bears and possums come to mind from US hunting, and I've eaten both. There's a real infection problemm with carnivorous primates, I admit, but it's probably less of a factor than the difficulty hunting them.

I'm afraid you're considering the infection problem to be a Bad Idea with capital letters. It's a significant risk, with small letters. Issues like AIDS are relatively new: hunger and poverty are old and familiar risks.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (2, Insightful)

timmarhy (659436) | about 7 years ago | (#20352045)

"The result was AIDS."

You mean HIV, AIDS is a progression of the symptoms. And no, HIV is not passed ingestion. shows how much you know.

Re:when arnt they going hungry? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351893)

eat the monkeys. problem solved.

No, no, no!

You must shock the monkey. [youtube.com]

taste aversion (5, Interesting)

wizardforce (1005805) | about 7 years ago | (#20351771)

in all srriousness what could be done is trying taste aversion [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste_aversion] basically this was used on wild animals to prevent the killing of sheep. what they did was add a lithium salt to a set of dead sheep, the animals would eat the meat, lithium and all and it caused nausea and reduced their activity. these affects were associated with the sheep meat and after a while the animals stopped attacking sheep as a food source. now all of these behaviors with these particular primates stem from their attempt to acquire food so putting a stop to that motivation stops the problem entirely. the last reason this could be an option is that the predators survive the encounter, taste aversion shouldn't cause long term harm like a few other options [hunting for one]

Re:taste aversion (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351781)

Hunting only causes short term harm. About a split second, actually.

Re:taste aversion (1, Insightful)

timmarhy (659436) | about 7 years ago | (#20351801)

monkeys > sheep. they already tried baits and the monkeys have figured out how to tell if something was baited. they (the women in the field) tried wearing mens clothing to scare them to but the monkeys figured that out as well. Now the monkeys are grabbing the women breasts and making gestures mimicing sexual thrusting.

this is all because, morons from other countries have actually covinced these poor countries that they shouldn't kill animals like monkeys, to satisfy thier own pathetic middle class guilt.

I hope the villagers buy themselves some ak's and blow those monkeys a few new holes.

Re:taste aversion (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351825)

that's right kill anything that stands in your way. that will solve everything... we're wiping out species at a rate that really hasn't ever been seen on Earth... ever. there probably is a time when lethal force is the only option but before we go rambo on them can we not try something just as effective that doesn't involve killing them first? just a thought

Re:taste aversion (5, Insightful)

kennygraham (894697) | about 7 years ago | (#20351891)

I hate killing as much as the next guy, but if 300 humans were throwing rocks at my wife and stealing my food to the point where I might not be able to feed my children that night, after a while I'd start shooting the humans. I sure as hell wouldn't put up with it from a monkey.

Re:taste aversion (1)

LBt1st (709520) | about 7 years ago | (#20352075)

Amen!

Re:taste aversion (5, Insightful)

timmarhy (659436) | about 7 years ago | (#20352085)

"that's right kill anything that stands in your way."

We aren't talking about the monkeys standing in the way of me having a 2nd car, or having a new play station. We are talking about them preventing some of the poorest people in the world getting enough food just to survive. So yes, fuck the stupid monkeys.

"can we not try something just as effective that doesn't involve killing them first"

What are you, dense? they have already tried nasty tasting baits, dressing up to scare them and hitting them with sticks. I'd say that's a fucking good effort for people facing starvation because of the monkeys.

reverse the gender roles (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351773)

The monkeys fear men and harass women. Therefore, have the men work the fields, and send the women out to do whatever the men are doing now.

Re:reverse the gender roles (5, Funny)

Clever7Devil (985356) | about 7 years ago | (#20352061)

But the mens' favorite shows are on during peak farming hours.

Re:reverse the gender roles (1)

twistedcubic (577194) | about 7 years ago | (#20352125)

funniest post ever...

So, shoot 'em. (1)

jcr (53032) | about 7 years ago | (#20351815)

What's the problem? Are there a bunch of tree-huggers in kenya to interfere?

-jcr

nay (0, Flamebait)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351859)

we should shoot morons like you to help mankind's evolution instead.

Re:nay (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351939)

...

Shoot people who think shooting monkeys that harass people is a good idea.

I believe that is the realm of the eco-terrorist. Oh and really stupid. Good job.

Re:nay (0, Flamebait)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351957)

or we should first shoot people that are not able to form a coherent, fluent sentence yet trying to purport shooting people who think shooting monkeys that are harrassing people.

Re:nay (1)

timmarhy (659436) | about 7 years ago | (#20352187)

Then you better start by putting a gun to your own head. "yet trying to purport shooting people who think shooting monkeys that are harrassing people" makes no sense at all.

Re:nay (1)

jcr (53032) | about 7 years ago | (#20352191)

Dude, put down the crack pipe before posting. You've just advocated shooting yourself.

-jcr

Re:nay (1)

jcr (53032) | about 7 years ago | (#20352185)

You veggies are so funny when you try to sound tough.

-jcr

Re:So, shoot 'em. (1)

Apuleius (6901) | about 7 years ago | (#20351879)

Ammo's expensive when you live in East Bumfuck, Kenya and have to grow your own food.

Re:So, shoot 'em. (2, Interesting)

sumdumass (711423) | about 7 years ago | (#20351927)

Take a stick and sharpen it. Then plunge it into the monkey. No ammo needed.

Actually, you probably won't even need to kill them. Maybe a cattle prod or something and shock them a few times. You could take a stick and put a bunch of dull needles on them and hit the monkeys a few times. Animals are generally good at not doing things that cause pain. After a while they would just associated the women with pain and stay clear.

Re:So, shoot 'em. (1)

psychrono (1030230) | about 7 years ago | (#20352157)

RTFA and it says:

Despite their new problems with the monkeys, it is a criminal offence to harm or kill any of them, so the besieged villagers must figure out a way to outwit the monkeys instead.
So no, shooting or adding lithium/other chemicals to samples of crops to deter the monkeys (as another poster has suggested) is not a viable solution unless it becomes an extreme situation where criminal charges will not be applied to those that harm the monkeys in any fashion.
The only thing I can think of is to create shelters that the monkeys cannot access since they appear to be stealing the crops from within the houses as well as in the fields.

Monkey Construction Workers (1)

euxneks (516538) | about 7 years ago | (#20351837)

Monkey, wearing a hard hat and grabbing crotch: Yeah baby shake that ass!

Wet blanket time. (3, Insightful)

Apuleius (6901) | about 7 years ago | (#20351865)

As soon as your done having your laughs, folks, remember that it's a hell of a lot funnier when it isn't your family that's at risk of hunger.

the eco friendly solution (2, Funny)

edwardpickman (965122) | about 7 years ago | (#20351869)

300 female Vervet Monkeys in black teddies..

Easy Solution (1)

VonSkippy (892467) | about 7 years ago | (#20351873)

Put out RFQ for cheap monkey food pellets.

Select lowest bid from China.

Feed monkeys lots and lots of goodly Chinese monkey food.

Problem solved.

Its EVOLUTION - geez (0, Troll)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351875)

This case says that monkeys are actually doing INTER SPECIES communication.

werent we protecting that many species in order to preserve the nature and provide natural evolution for species ?

there. you have your evolution. and not of the simple kind too - INTELLIGENT COMMUNICATION that is being used to discern the entity in front of you understands your nature, and tells you that it understands your nature. not some exceptional gorilla named koko who has been trained, not some extraordinary parrot that knows 200+ words - your run off the mill monkey in a forest.

im no zoologist biologist or anything, but even i know that this is gold in those sciences.

Re:Its EVOLUTION - geez (1)

BiggerIsBetter (682164) | about 7 years ago | (#20351965)

OK, so the monkeys have shown that they're intelligent, and have language. So, what's the solution? Learn it and then teach the monkeys the concept of property rights and expect them not to hunt the livestock? Maybe teach them farming too? While not impossible, this approach gets difficult very quickly. OTOH, they already have some rights protected by law (eg, don't kill the monkeys), so maybe it's not such a huge step.

I still think it's easier to go old school and kill a few to show 'em who's still the baddest primate. Which raises the question, where are the hell are the men when their women and their food supply are under threat? They should be out there kicking monkey ass.

Re:Its EVOLUTION - geez (1)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351991)

as we are the more advanced one with the higher intelligence, we are bound and ABLE to find a solution without killing.

ffs each western country has zillions of methods with their local police forces for subduing even peaceful protesters. let u.n. work something out.

birdbomb (1)

slobarnuts (666254) | about 7 years ago | (#20351895)

While they cant harm the monkeys i am pretty sure that having the women go out with guns loaded with bird bomb shells.

I'd say we... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351901)

nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

skeptical (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20351931)

Am I the only person who is a little bit suspicious of this news story? Until they get some actual physical documentation of this alleged monkey behavior, it might be wise to be a little more skeptical. This reads a bit too much like urban legend or supermarket tabloid material.

/. crowd utterly fails when it comes to sensitivit (0, Flamebait)

unity100 (970058) | about 7 years ago | (#20351933)

y ?

apparently so.

3-4 of the comments are "Shoot the damn monkeys already" and other fuckola - yay praise for those of you you gun-owning, harley-driving, badass-wannabee excuses of evolution, that post those morondom, those who ever did not see what actualy "badassness" in a real military service while being trained to kill. maybe we should shoot you instead first, to aid mankind's evolution ?

maybe then more intelligent and emotionally stable individuals can take your place, those who would be actually capable of understanding the reason that there is famine in african countries are megacorporations that screw the hell outta them through installed puppet dictators, and the roadside gangs and thugs seizing the food aid thats being sent there as a result. NOT MONKEYS OR DROUGHT. - then actually we would have individuals who would be able to actually say something VALID about how to solve the problem.

ow (1)

prestorjohn (1062636) | about 7 years ago | (#20351945)

This is the most fucking bizzare thing ive seen all day, and i just spent the last two hours on bash.org

Obligatory (1)

NeoManyon (953080) | about 7 years ago | (#20351963)

Well i for one welcome our new sexually harassing evil monkey overlords

MONKEYS! (2, Funny)

falzer (224563) | about 7 years ago | (#20351967)

TONIGHT WE DINE IN KENYA!

Re:MONKEYS! (1)

sykopomp (1133507) | about 7 years ago | (#20351985)

But that's where the lions and tigers live :( Let's just go to Norway.

Round them up and put them to work (1)

stox (131684) | about 7 years ago | (#20352007)

Put them in Congress. No one will notice for....Heck no one will notice.

Someone didn't RTFA (1)

dekkerdreyer (1007957) | about 7 years ago | (#20352029)

Slashdot: "are sexually harassing the women"

Article: "We are afraid that they will sexually harass us"

This article sounds like the story from India a few years ago where cats were turning into large beasts and attacking people. 70% of the villagers had seen it, but somehow it was never photographed or captured.

Re:Someone didn't RTFA (1)

timmarhy (659436) | about 7 years ago | (#20352095)

article states they are grabbing their breats. just what does it take in your books to be sexual harassment?

Re:Someone didn't RTFA (2, Funny)

doyoulikeworms (1094003) | about 7 years ago | (#20352119)

from TFA: "The monkeys grab their breasts, and gesture at us while pointing at their private parts."

You try that at work and see what happens...

Ah, monkies... (5, Funny)

NerveGas (168686) | about 7 years ago | (#20352049)


    Is there anything they do that ISN'T entertaining?

Bullets! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352053)

Bullets are 100% effective in the treatment of Sexual Harassment Monkeys!

Scared of small mammals (0, Flamebait)

suckmysav (763172) | about 7 years ago | (#20352057)

Just as well we don't have women fighting in the army.

Oh wait . . . .

History is written by the winners (1)

Nymz (905908) | about 7 years ago | (#20352067)

...so don't default to a racist viewpoint, and instead support the monkeys because they obviously have the upper hand here. They are smarter, willing to work together, and have bigger balls than a creature five times their size.

Where do I (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352129)

Where do I sign up?

kill dogs? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20352137)

Oh, come on...the post shows a picture of these things....they kill dogs? What kinds of dogs do these people use? I looks to me like anything terrier size or bigger would enjoy killing these monkeys.

Just a bunch of evolutionist hogwash (1)

Man On Pink Corner (1089867) | about 7 years ago | (#20352177)

No, there's no way we share a common ancestor with these guys. They certainly weren't created in the image of the same God as we were, right? ... Right?

C'mon, guys, help me out here. My faith in Genesis is wearing kinda thin here.

I think there's a simple solution. (1)

mosb1000 (710161) | about 7 years ago | (#20352195)

"I wonder why this is occurring all of a sudden? I'd guess this is the result of human encroachment into the monkeys' former territory or perhaps a local food shortage, perhaps caused by the residents."

Uh, this is obviously a case of monkeys encroaching on peoples land, I don't know why everything has to be our fault all the time. I know that in the US farmers would use shotguns to solve this kind of problem (regardless of the legality), I think a similar approach could work in Kenya.
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