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G.I. Joe No Longer the Real American Hero?

ScuttleMonkey posted about 7 years ago | from the pussification-of-the-modern-male dept.

Movies 548

Advocate123 writes "Clearly, Hollywood has forgotten the, 'Real American Hero.' G.I. Joe originally symbolized the American WWII soldier and a great generation. Now Hollywood celebrities are going to turn him into a international multicultural coed task force with no government affiliations. Isn't anything sacred to these people?"

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Wanted to post a non-RightWingWacko version of TFA (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518159)

...but FOX News [] had the only other one I could find. =(

Still better than the crap in the submission.


Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518319)

fucking whiny biotch

In other news.... (5, Funny)

MonorailCat (1104823) | about 7 years ago | (#20518163)

President Bush has signed a $100 million appropriations bill to supply soldiers in Iraq with red lasers.

Re:In other news.... (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518185)

Scuttle Monkey proves himself once again to be totally unqualified to be an editor.

Re:In other news.... (4, Funny)

MagusSlurpy (592575) | about 7 years ago | (#20518201)

Well, now, that's good news, but when is he going to send them the sharks?

Re:In other news.... (1)

muindaur (925372) | about 7 years ago | (#20518447)

When he figures out how to put the friken lasers on their heads and builds the robot water tanks so they can roam the desert.

Damn It! (4, Funny)

rossz (67331) | about 7 years ago | (#20518167)

Now those bastards are turning him into a euro-pussie. They already have Ken, what more do they want?

Re:Damn It! (2, Funny)

wamerocity (1106155) | about 7 years ago | (#20518261)

Are you suggesting that a Greenpeace Soldier action figure would not be manly?!

Re:Damn It! (3, Funny)

rossz (67331) | about 7 years ago | (#20518303)

A greenpeace action figure would eat tofu, wear earth shoes, and run screaming like a school girl at the first sign of any real danger.

Re:Damn It! (5, Insightful)

arivanov (12034) | about 7 years ago | (#20518509)


Wanna try to picket a UK naval base and not let the whole fleet group out to go and kick some Iraqis for a week? Want to stand in the way of a frigate coming out of harbour?

Wanna run the gauntlet of Japanese whaling boats and stand between them and a whale? Each harpoon has at least one pound of TNT in it by the way. Granted, it is not a cannon shell, but it can do some hefty damage...

Wanna stand in the way of French towboats towing an asbestous ladden ship to India for disassembly? We all very well know how much they value protestors life...

Re:Damn It! (1, Insightful)

Seumas (6865) | about 7 years ago | (#20518623)

At least the greenpeace solidier wouldn't rape a fourteen year old girl and then kill and burn her entire family to cover it up and invent a story that they were under attack when it all happened.

Re:Damn It! (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518275)

Well, hey it's a new century. Everybody can go metro at the drop of a hat at least pretend to. Anyways my point being is that soldiering is boring without a little sex added to the mix. Just imagine finding out if Snake Eyes is really deformed and the only one who knows is the Scarlet Witch whose been doing him, Duke, and Cobra Commander on the side. It makes military, mercenary, and overall killer jobs a whole lot more interesting than going to a foriegn place and wacking some moron. Nothing says nothing like a little killin' and a little sex mixed in a foriegn country. Do you agree?( I'm just playing around but kinda serious but not really in a tired, out of my mind with fatigue type roundabout way. Apologies for the lunacy. It's Friday!).

Re:Damn It! (2, Funny)

gwaawg (962886) | about 7 years ago | (#20518477)

lol! first Jesus Christ and now G.I. Joe.... Those darned Europeans.

Re:Damn It! (4, Insightful)

Seumas (6865) | about 7 years ago | (#20518611)

What is it exactly that makes the WWII generation better than every other generation that has ever existed? Is it that they spent themselves into an enormous debt habit? Is it that they gave themselves Social Security so they'd always be taken care of? Is it that they fought in a popular war?

What makes them better than today's generation? Today's generation is the one PAYING their self-given Social Security. What about the interment camps? What about the massive racism? Sure, racism still exists today, but we scorn it as a society wherever it creeps up. Were they a better generation than the current generation and the one before us, because they died fighting the Japanese and Germans while the generation after them merely fought a bunch of Vietnamese in an unpopular war and the current generation is fighting an extremely unpopular war? Is my death any less valiant and my sacrifice any less, because those in power send me to fight for different things in a different place than they sent YOU?! In fact, isn't it exactly THAT generation that sent the Vietnam generation to Vietnam and the current generation to... everywhere?

Just because Tom Brokaw tells them that they're the saving grace of an entire nation doesn't mean they are.

As for GI Joe... Who fucking cares?! It's a god damned half hour long advertisement that used to run on Saturdays. Who the hell is dumb enough to sit and actively watch a commercial for a toy? (And yes, the toy company that puts out GI Joe used to slot GI JOE as an advertisement; not a "show").

The WWII generation is the "greatest generation" the way that Guliani is "America's Greatest Mayor". Not so much because of doing anything great, but just happening to be alive during a period that certain events happened in the world.

Re:Damn It! (5, Insightful)

Reapman (740286) | about 7 years ago | (#20518701)

You realize GI Joe wasn't about a cartoon, and existed before yours (and my) generation cared about GI Joe? I don't think that their generation was better, per say, but being in an extraordinary situation, lead to extraordinary people standing out. What their generation did should not be taken lightly, however. The "wars" we do now, honestly, pale compare to the wars of WW1 and WW2.

Re:Damn It! (4, Insightful)

Carewolf (581105) | about 7 years ago | (#20518613)

Hey!! Ken is an all-american pussy. You made him, he is your responsibility.

Ken is still "semi-tough" (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518681)

Haha. A division of madeover, euro-pussie Ken's is still gonna be tougher'n most of the real euro-pussie armies are these days (hey does anyone but the British and the Poles even still have one?)

Besides, after Barbie went Lesbo, all Ken really has left is war.

I'll bet he's in secret training right now...working out with a chainsaw.


Money Talks (5, Insightful)

Derling Whirvish (636322) | about 7 years ago | (#20518175)

Isn't anything sacred to these people?"
Yes, there is something sacred to them. Money.
U.S. branded GI Joe's may not sell as well outside the US as a multinational task force would.

Re:Money Talks (2, Insightful)

Propaganda13 (312548) | about 7 years ago | (#20518325)

Cobra as a terrorist organization founded in Springfield has been a hit worldwide though.

God have mercy on the souls on anyone mentioning the retarded money grab of an organization ending in -la.

Re:Money Talks (1)

SuhlScroll (925963) | about 7 years ago | (#20518501)

Yes, there is something sacred to them. Money.
Dude, spot-on! ;)

Re:Money Talks (1)

Spy der Mann (805235) | about 7 years ago | (#20518549)

U.S. branded GI Joe's may not sell as well outside the US as a multinational task force would.

Just replace him with Guile and we're set. :)

No... (4, Insightful)

Omnedon (701049) | about 7 years ago | (#20518179)

Nothing is ever "sacred" to Hollywood.

Legends are "re-imaged" (and usually ruined).

History is "re-imaged" (and usually ruined).

Classic movies are "re-..."... (Notice a trend?)

Re:No... (3, Funny)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518423)

I've got a bad feeling that Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay, Uwe Boll, or W.S. Anderson is going to direct. This has the potential to make Team America: World Police the world's first parody of a chronologically later film.

Re:No... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518641)

Fuck Yeah!

Old News (5, Insightful)

sakusha (441986) | about 7 years ago | (#20518181)

Apparently the author of that incredibly lame blog article missed the 1980s, when GI Joe cartoons were full of multicultural characters and fought abstract non-national enemies like COBRA.

Re:Old News (3, Insightful)

mr_tenor (310787) | about 7 years ago | (#20518233)

I scanned that as "and fought abstract non-national enemies like CORBA" and even though my mind registered the mistake, i thought "Oh yeah!"

Re:Old News (1)

mmkkbb (816035) | about 7 years ago | (#20518297)

OMG [] , I totally read the same thing.

Re:Old News (5, Funny)

the_humeister (922869) | about 7 years ago | (#20518237)

Wait, you mean Cobra-La wasn't a real nation???

Re:Old News (1)

Faylone (880739) | about 7 years ago | (#20518247)

Yes, but the complaint is that now GI JOE is slated to be abstract non-national heroes

Re:Old News (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518317)

Yeah but you're apparently illiterate. The GI Joe task force has been a multinational cooperative since at least the 1980s.

Re:Old News (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518667)

This is old news for the real Army [] and other branches of the service as well.

a little ditty (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518183)

It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, cmdrtaco, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly concerned, cmdrtaco groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved hairy dildo was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, cowboyneal. cmdrtaco had known cowboyneal for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. cowboyneal was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... pestering. cmdrtaco called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

cowboyneal picked up to a very happy cmdrtaco. cowboyneal calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats belch before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually sassily sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting cmdrtaco. Why was cowboyneal trying to distract cmdrtaco? Because he had snuck out from cmdrtaco's with the hairy dildo only eleven days prior. It was a enchanting little hairy dildo... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before cmdrtaco got back to the subject at hand: his hairy dildo. cowboyneal cringed. Relunctantly, cowboyneal invited him over, assuring him they'd find the hairy dildo. cmdrtaco grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, cowboyneal realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the hairy dildo and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if cmdrtaco took the homemade car, he had take at least four minutes before cmdrtaco would get there. But if he took the giant penis? Then cowboyneal would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, cowboyneal was interrupted by six dimwitted ligres that were lured by his hairy dildo. cowboyneal shuddered; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he recklessly reached for his carrot and aptly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the giant penis rolling up. It was cmdrtaco.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, cmdrtaco was out of the giant penis and went indiscriminately jaunting toward cowboyneal's front door. Meanwhile inside, cowboyneal was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the hairy dildo into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his time machine. cowboyneal was worried but at least the hairy dildo was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' cowboyneal indiscriminately purred. With a heroic push, cmdrtaco opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling spite-toting jerk in a Jap Trap,' he lied. 'It's fine,' cowboyneal assured him. cmdrtaco took a seat just under where cowboyneal had hidden the hairy dildo. cowboyneal turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But cmdrtaco was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, cowboyneal noticed a oafish look on cmdrtaco's face. cmdrtaco slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

cowboyneal felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when cmdrtaco asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the hairy dildo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on cmdrtaco's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. cmdrtaco nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before cowboyneal could react, cmdrtaco randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The hairy dildo was plainly in view.

cmdrtaco stared at cowboyneal for what what must've been six days. Just as zero people expected cowboyneal groped explosively in cmdrtaco's direction, clearly desperate. cmdrtaco grabbed the hairy dildo and bolted for the door. It was locked. cowboyneal let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, cmdrtaco,' he rebuked. cowboyneal always had been a little dimwitted, so cmdrtaco knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before cowboyneal did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his hairy dildo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

cowboyneal looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from cmdrtaco. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for cmdrtaco. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. cowboyneal walked over to the window and looked down. cmdrtaco was gone.

Just yonder, cmdrtaco was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind cowboyneal's place. cmdrtaco had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral ligres suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the hairy dildo. One by one they latched on to cmdrtaco. Already weakened from his injury, cmdrtaco yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of ligres running off with his hairy dildo.

About four hours later, cmdrtaco awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and cmdrtaco did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited foxy forest, cmdrtaco was alarmingly lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his hairy dildo was taken by the ligres. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge ligre emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha ligre. cmdrtaco opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the ligre sunk its teeth into cmdrtaco's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from cmdrtaco's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than five miles away, cowboyneal was entombed by anguish over the loss of the hairy dildo. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened ripened avocado. With a skillful thrust, he buried it deeply into his taint. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about cmdrtaco... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the hairy dildo that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant ligres, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

Holy cow. (4, Insightful)

Valar (167606) | about 7 years ago | (#20518203)

I think my hosts file might have been tampered with... I typed in slashdot, but somehow I ended up at free republic. This looks kind of like slashdot though. Hmm...

teh warm cooch of liberal-groop think (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518433)

nevah leave it, we like you there []

Jesus Fucking Christ (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518205)

I mean, really, Slashdot. I understand the need to compete with Digg, and the whole firehose thing, but, really, shit like this is ridiculous and it only works to drive people like me away.

Re:Jesus Fucking Anonymous Coward (4, Insightful)

Nymz (905908) | about 7 years ago | (#20518393)

I for one welcome the mass exodus of our cursing, pointless, threatening, whining-for-attention, anonymous coward overlords!!!

This is comforting (4, Insightful)

victim (30647) | about 7 years ago | (#20518209)

It is comforting to know that if I ever receive a debilitating head injury, lose most of my faculties and embrace the victim complex wing of the libertarians I will still be slashdot-worthy.

Oh no! Maybe I'm out to get the libertarians! Quick! Pen a screed!

Re:This is comforting (4, Insightful)

Harmonious Botch (921977) | about 7 years ago | (#20518265)

Anyone who holds the opinions that he does, and calls himself a libertarian, is clearly brain damaged. Any sane libertarian would look at the GIJoe issue and say 'The producers bought the rights, they can do anything they please with it. They're consenting adults, it's none of my business."

Re:This is comforting (1)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518339)

I don't know about that. The producers presumably bought the rights with the intent to try to make it your business. The movie is a product they intend to sell.

Re:This is comforting (1)

tftp (111690) | about 7 years ago | (#20518527)

They can't make me buy, though. If such views become statistically significant it might be a clue to some in {RI,MP}AA.

Re:This is comforting (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518571)

I don't know about that. The producers presumably bought the rights with the intent to try to make it your business. The movie is a product they intend to sell.
Now I know that Hollywood has spent a lot of money in Washington trying to protect their out of date business model, which would be in better shape if they could come up with some real scripts and some actors that could act, but I don't think they have gotten any laws passed yet that require me to go to a movie studio and pay money to see something I have no interest in seeing nor purchase same on DVD. It remains to be Hollywood's business to decide what they put into a movie and it remains our business to chose if we think it might be worth wasting our money and time on. They can promote any movie they want and we can demote it at the box office and in our public and private statements, we can also ignore their promotion three times in a row and hope they end up on an island off the coast of Alaska. If you want to know the name of the island, ask the Navy.

Re:This is comforting (1)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518663)

It remains to be Hollywood's business to decide what they put into a movie and it remains our business to chose if we think it might be worth wasting our money and time on.

Negotiation isn't something only done when a product is ready and you and the seller are trying to settle on a price. If this were true, nobody would become a contractor.

Indeed, potential customers become customers through negotiation. You can't get terms you like if you don't try.

Granted, in a case like this, many people would have to share your opinion. And they would have to be vocal. But at least the complainers are doing their part.

(That said, Libertarians are still stupid)

Re:This is comforting (1)

Seumas (6865) | about 7 years ago | (#20518653)

To be fair, people who were stupid enough to watch a thirty-minute Saturday morning toy advertisement is going to be stupid enough to watch any crap movie and enjoy it, too.

Seriously, are all these bitches on Slashdot honestly whining about what was originally a Saturday morning ADVERTISEMENT to push a stupid toy now talking about "GI Joe" selling-out?! That's like bitching about the Country-Crock couple on those Country-Crock Spread commercials "selling out".

Re:This is comforting (1)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518709)

To be fair, people who were stupid enough to watch a thirty-minute Saturday morning toy advertisement is going to be stupid enough to watch any crap movie and enjoy it, too.

Yeah, fuck you too. ;-)

Re:This is comforting (4, Insightful)

Wordsmith (183749) | about 7 years ago | (#20518519)

Not really. Libertarianism isn't all about "live and let live." It's more like "live and don't let the government interfere with your or anyone else's living."

Libertarians who fondly remember GI Joe wouldn't be hyopcrites if they, say, actively boycotted this movie and encouraged others to do so. They could still be upset over what's happening. They just wouldn't see any reason why the government should get involved.

And I, for one, welcome. . . (2, Funny)

MagusSlurpy (592575) | about 7 years ago | (#20518211)

Our new international multicultural coed overlords!

A novel idea (4, Interesting)

slobarnuts (666254) | about 7 years ago | (#20518215)

Why dont they release two different versions of the film. One international, one U.S... Seriously, there cant be that many scenes where the actual name behind the acronym comes up. It couldn't cost that much more. As it sounds now they might as well call it 'Rainbow Six: The Movie'.

Re:A novel idea (1)

Scoth (879800) | about 7 years ago | (#20518295)

Considering it was done for the original cartoon, should be possible: Action Force Intro []

Re:A novel idea (1)

kad77 (805601) | about 7 years ago | (#20518389)

Like H-Town tackled "Clear and Present Danger"?

Hollywood film version: didn't want to offend those crazy islamic murders and the PC panty-sniffers.
Antagonist: Bionic Nazis, yeah thats the ticket.

The original Tom Clancy novel: basically predicted 9/11, and mapped out the jihadi wet dream for the followup.
Antagonist: Reality, ever more clearly within a decade of publication.

Re:A novel idea (1)

slobarnuts (666254) | about 7 years ago | (#20518417)

I am pretty sure you are talking about "The Sum of All Fears", ya know, cuz' Clear and Present Danger was about the Drug War.

Ooops. (1)

kad77 (805601) | about 7 years ago | (#20518467)

I fail, you're right. God knows they know where the blow comes from, they wouldn't get that book wrong.

Re:A novel idea (2, Insightful)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518455)

Google for "Project Bojinka." The intelligence community had known about a plan to fly passenger planes into buildings since the early 90s.

Mmm, bias (5, Insightful)

ameyer17 (935373) | about 7 years ago | (#20518225)

I don't even know where to start here...
Headline from TFA:

Hollywood Seeks to Change "G.I. Joe" into an International Feminazi: Disgraces our Greatest Generation
from the first paragraph:

Yes, Hollywood limousine liberal idiots are exceeding my patience. I can handle their unabashed socialism, even their global warming insanity, but when they attack G.I. Joe, enough is enough.
From the second paragraph:

Well, if we look at the facts, the rest of the world would be controlled by Nazis if it were not for the G. I. Joe.
From the final paragraph:

Now Hollywood celebrities are going to turn him into a politically correct Feminazi.
Seems to be a bit biased to be "news". Also, someone needs to introduce the guy who wrote this to Godwin's Law []

Godwin's Law (0)

Nymz (905908) | about 7 years ago | (#20518361)

(From The Link) - "Godwin's Law does not apply to discussions directly addressing genocide, propaganda, or other mainstays of the Nazi regime."

Next time you want to make a point-by-point flame, try to make sure at least one of your points is accurate. And make extra sure that you don't link to a Wikipedia page on Godwin's law, after finishing off with a Godwin's Law accusation, when you haven't even read the Godwin's Law page that you're linking to.

I'd link to a page telling you to 'get-a-clue' but I doubt you could follow it.

Re:Godwin's Law (1)

UserGoogol (623581) | about 7 years ago | (#20518491)

Yes, the Nazis were well known for trying to play down nationalism.

Re:Mmm, bias (2, Funny)

Jah-Wren Ryel (80510) | about 7 years ago | (#20518409)

Hollywood limousine liberal idiots are exceeding my patience. I can handle their unabashed socialism, even their global warming insanity, but when they attack G.I. Joe, enough is enough.
If GI Joe can't fight off a bunch of 'limousine liberals' then he is already a pussy.

Re:Mmm, bias (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518495)

Just out of curiosity, how do you think all of us conservatives on Slashdot feel with the constant leftwing trolling (especially by kdawson) here? Slashdot was much better when it was more of a nerd site than a DailyKos echo chamber on politics with some nerdly news stuck in for historical purposes.

Aw, hell... who cares about the long term health of Slashdot as long as it draws hits to ads in the short term?

Feminazi ? (1)

aepervius (535155) | about 7 years ago | (#20518545)

Feminazi. I knew one of those lady in Germany. She wore those leather boot, leather underwear which left little to imagination, a nine-tail whips, and I asked her to call me animal name, told her I have been a bad boy, etc... Mhhhh.... Although he might not speak about the same type of person actually....

Don't these rightwing bozos understand .... (4, Insightful)

taniwha (70410) | about 7 years ago | (#20518235)

G.I Joe is a doll

Re:Don't these rightwing bozos understand .... (1)

Garabito (720521) | about 7 years ago | (#20518391)

Sorry sir, but the term "doll" is offensive to G.I. Joe. He'd rather be called action figure [] .

Re:Don't these rightwing bozos understand .... (1)

deniable (76198) | about 7 years ago | (#20518639)

Incorrect, gripping hands make him an action figure. Looks at Ken's hands then look at Joe's.

Re:Don't these rightwing bozos understand .... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518703)

have you looked in his pants - he has nothing to grip ....

the hurt . . . (2, Funny)

LiquidHAL (801263) | about 7 years ago | (#20518241)

i'm rolling my eyes as hard as i can. it hurts, but i dare not stop.

Midlife crisis here I come.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518245)

I remember my GI Joe. I played with him so much he ended up with a bald spot.

Ah those were the days. I wish I was a kid again.... oh god here comes my midlife crisis!

Why don't they call him... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518251)

G. W. Joe?

G.I. U.N. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518255)

I can't wait for the episode where the G.I. U.N. force takes kickbacks for looking the other way on oil sales and then blows it all on child prostitutes.

And don't miss the wacky "Phosgine Phollies" show where one G.I. U.N. soldier forgets about the duffle bag full of Phsogine gas, and gaslarity ensues when he accidentally sits on the bag!

Go Multiculturally Sensitive Joe!*

* Go applicible only during designated U.N. working hours and with express approvial of China, Russia, and North Korea.

America only! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518263)

Fucking feminazis! There's no World in World War II.

Re:America only! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518349)

Hahaha. That must be sarcasm, so I'll laugh.

Didn't it stand for... (1)

Rix (54095) | about 7 years ago | (#20518277)

General Infantry?

GI = Government Issue (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518311)

Ask anyone who's been in the military

Re:Didn't it stand for... (2, Informative)

Digital Vomit (891734) | about 7 years ago | (#20518599)

No, G.I. stands for Government Issue.

Re:Didn't it stand for... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518677)

It stands for Galvanised Iron [] , and is of English origin. what's different from the cartoon? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518285)

The "Real American Hero" and GI Joe moniker were derived from the first generation soldier doll. The popular cartoon and action figure series featured such a broad assortment of Joes from so many cultural backgrounds and took place in so many fictional locations that it already seemed "international".

Not that I'm defending a movie based on a cartoon advertisement for a toy, but when it's inevitably horrible any superficial changes to the mythical and already vaguely nonsensical G.I. Joe organization will not be the primary reason. what's different from the cartoon? (1)

deniable (76198) | about 7 years ago | (#20518651)

Actually Real American Hero was the new name they used for the 3 3/4'' re-release in the 80s. The original 60s versions were not labeled as such. So whoever wrote the Article/Summary doesn't know jack, or Joe.

Nothing sacred (2, Insightful)

TaleSpinner (96034) | about 7 years ago | (#20518293)

> Isn't anything sacred to these [Hollywood] people?" a word, no. Is this something you just noticed?

It's about freaking time! (4, Insightful)

Black Copter Control (464012) | about 7 years ago | (#20518301)

  1. My understanding was that GI stood for General Infantry.
  2. It wasn't just Arayan gay model types that fought against Hitler and his crew.
  3. The one unit type that the germans really hated being thrown against was the Russian Female reserves. Those babes took and gave no quarter! (and they really knew what to do when they had their their enemy by the balls.)
  4. Canada, Australia, Britain, India ... and even Russia (once Hitler turned on Stalin).
  5. It's the 21st Century buddy -- Get with the program!

What? (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518365)

Your comment is nearly incoherent. It looks as if you've been cutting and pasting random quotes from some sort of badly translated alternate history comic book.

Re:It's about freaking time! (1)

king-manic (409855) | about 7 years ago | (#20518369)

It wasn't just Arayan gay model types that fought against Hitler and his crew.

Haven't you seen the WWII movies. It was all male models.

Re:It's about freaking time! (1)

poopdeville (841677) | about 7 years ago | (#20518479)

Yeah, Ernest Borgnine and Telly Savalas were such hotties.

GI, the true meaning (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518403) wikipedia as usual knows, although it fails to understand the real meaning of truth which is not always to do with facts and history but with what people feel.

The most popular meaning of GI is Goverment Issue and is used to show a certain feeling among those who use it that the person is to the powers the be, just an other piece of equipment, expandable and replaceable. For soldiers in prolonged combat this feeling can get very strong as they see comrades die and be replaced from a seemingly endless supply just as readily as you can request a new pair of socks.

You are correct that it wasn't just blond haired males who fought in WW2, but you can get too crazy with political correctness as well. Yes, women, non-whites, non-christians fought just as well and just as hard BUT you shouldn't rape history and put them in places were they were not.

There is a movie starring Clint Eastwood I believe where he plays a real historic sherrif, who in real life was black. Putting a black guy on the beaches of omaha is as much a rape of the truth as that is. Because at least to some of us, the fact you don't see single black guy in any historic or re-created scene on omaha is extremely telling. A country that prosecuted people based on their skin color was liberating the world from a country that prosecuted people based on their religion.

Change this for the sake of current day politics and you are lying about history.

Re:It's about freaking time! (2, Informative)

xs650 (741277) | about 7 years ago | (#20518627)

"1. My understanding was that GI stood for General Infantry."

It stands for Government Issue.

Hollywood == Israeli Occupied Territory (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518321)

Hymietown West. 'Nuff said.

Until they make one a drag queen (1)

gambolt (1146363) | about 7 years ago | (#20518323)

GI Joe is still 30 years behind.

Re:Until they make one a drag queen (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518463)

I always thought the Baroness was a dude trying to be a Betty Paige impersonator.

Re:Until they make one a drag queen (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518609)

Even M*A*S*H had one!

GI*Joe should have stayed in the closet (1)

nategoose (1004564) | about 7 years ago | (#20518333)

I blame the US's policy against outed homosexual in the military.

Is a cron job running qc at /.? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518337)

Clearly, slashdot has forgotten "screening" as part of story submission process. Originally, screening was a method that moderators and administrators used before elevating a story to front page status. However, this highly regarded process that made slashdot what it was has been ruined by "liberal web-2.0..ers" who only care about story popularity, abandoning the real "heroes". Will slashdot stand tall as the pillar of intellectual nerdery on the internet? Or will it go the way of Digg and Reddit? Is nothing sacred anymore?

waste of internet space (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518341)

Here's what you could be doing instead of reading some dimwit's blog:

read a book
write a love letter to cowboyneal
masturbate to cowboyneal
learn to play guitar, then sing a song about Viagra with your buddies in the garage
masturbate to scuttlemonkey masturbating to cowboyneal

GI JOE Movie (1)

Ethanol-fueled (1125189) | about 7 years ago | (#20518363)

Sounds like it's going to suck. Still, it'd be worth my while if Duke gets his ass kicked.

modern times call for it (3, Insightful)

hob42 (41735) | about 7 years ago | (#20518379)

Maybe, perhaps, some of us would rather live in a less self-centered world than our ancestors?

Maybe there are a few other souls out there that don't think the American military is the right answer to all of the world's problems? That perhaps cooperation with our fellow beings on this small little planet, not unilateralism, would be a good idea?

Then again, I thought we were only one of several allied nations who won World War II, and don't believe that France should forever worship us for liberating them from Germany. I might just be crazy.

Re:modern times call for it (1)

d12v10 (1046686) | about 7 years ago | (#20518581)

You just had to throw in that comment defending the French, didn't you...

For shame.

Re:modern times call for it (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518633)

Please tell us how cooperation with our fellow beings on this small little planet helped the people of Darfur? How did the cooperation with our fellow beings in the UN save people in Bosnia (NATO took unilateral action there, the UN just stood and watch)?

I have no problem with an idealistic view of the world as something to strive for, but pretending that everything will be alright and the world is peaceful with people hugging and singing koombaya if we blame ourselves for every single thing really pisses me off. If you haven't noticed, cooperation means that other people must want the same thing too and there are all kinds of nasty people, illogical people, indifferent people, and so on out there. Some want you dead or subjugated for no other reason than your not believing in their religion. Some would rather die than accept an act of friendship from you. This is the reality.

God, I hate it- (0, Flamebait)

Gizzmonic (412910) | about 7 years ago | (#20518453)

When those Hollywood faggots take something PURE and WHITE like G.I. Joe and add niggers and bitches to it. It totally spoils it for me.

God, what fucking pussies those niggers and women are. They can't possibly repel evil! But you know what, I've been playing Dragon Warrior and that REPEL spell works pretty well.

OK, I'm going back to masturbating, crying, and calling myself the Messiah. My complete (new in box!) G.I. Joe collection should help me forget this politically correct incursion.

Grammatical error! (5, Funny)

Bieeanda (961632) | about 7 years ago | (#20518459)

Some random person's screechy blog is news by nerds, not news for nerds.

G.I. Joe jumped the shark (1)

iminplaya (723125) | about 7 years ago | (#20518507)

When they cut him down from a manly 12 inches to 8 1/2 in '77 and then really destroyed his self esteem when he was cut down to 3 3/4! Oh! The humanity!

Um... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518551)

Um kay...

Yes, because the previous incarnation, flaunted in cartoons, and used to sell toys made in Hong Kong, didn't take a steaming dump on our Greatest Generation at all... Nope.. *eyes roll so hard I give myself a concussion*

Netcraft confirms: generation of heroes is dying (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 7 years ago | (#20518589)

World War II was over in 6 years (by UK measurements; less if you're only counting from when the superpowers joined). A genocidal, fascist country fitting pretty much everyone's definition of evil which had overrun half of Europe was defeated in 6 years. This war was full of heroes displaying courage and valour in a fight for freedom. The Allies then assisted in the rebuilding of the countries that had tried to destroy them, and they did it very well - they saw the value of a rich, stable Germany and Japan.

There is no modern analogy to WWII. The current war in Iraq, which has lasted almost 4.5 years, is not based on defence of any part of the free world; it is not fought speedily with the aim of thoroughly vanquishing the enemy followed by rebuilding a free country under a strict no-military-until-you're-stable policy. Not that these last two steps could make much sense, because there little in the way of united, oppressed civilian population to emancipate and welcome you with open arms.

Put simply, an US soldier in Iraq is not a real American hero; he might have some notion of the WWII soldier's "freedom is not free" mantra, but he is sadly a fool to not have seen the changing nature of American ideals and warfare in the past 60 years. Just because he believes that he is risking his life for a good cause, it does not make him heroic. Worthy of pathos, probably; a signal that there's something rotten in our government, definitely.

How Dare They! (1)

coaxial (28297) | about 7 years ago | (#20518593)

Damn pinkos liberals! Like hell they wussify GI Joe's male make up with multiculturalism!

Now excuse me. I have get back to Quick-Kick, Roadblock, Spirit, and Lady Jaye.

Fuck GI Joe! (2, Funny)

coaxial (28297) | about 7 years ago | (#20518615)

He's no hero. [] He always let Cobra Commander -- the leader of a ruthless terrorist orgainization determined to rule the world -- get away. A real leader like George W. Bush would never let that happen [] .

Sacred items.. (1)

cyberjock1980 (1131059) | about 7 years ago | (#20518711)

Yes, everything is sacred. DUH! Like... -Net neutrality -Fair use -and now GI Joe Would even THINK of messing with these? They're so sacred! Just ask anyone at slashdot. O wait, you'd better not!
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