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229 comments

Enema Within (5, Funny)

jb1z (1099055) | more than 6 years ago | (#22020782)

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!
Takes "shitfaced" to a whole new level.

I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party... (5, Funny)

riseoftheindividual (1214958) | more than 6 years ago | (#22020896)

...and think "Damn, an assload of booze" again.

Re:I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party... (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22020920)

When I interned at the geek compound back in the summer of 99, I experienced an alcohol enema firsthand. We used watered down vodka (less additives, etc). It was kind of like using a chilled chrome buttplug. Tip: do not try this after being fisted! Fuck that may have been the most painful night in my life!

--Curtis

Re:I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party... (0, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22020996)

That story sure explains a lot about Fark. Thanks for sharing, Mr. Curtis!

Uh... (5, Funny)

riseoftheindividual (1214958) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021144)

"It was kind of like using a chilled chrome buttplug. Tip: do not try this after being fisted! Fuck that may have been the most painful night in my life!"

Thanks for the tip. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Re:I'll never look at a lot of booze at a party... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021204)

Curtis Sliwa! Wow that explains A LOT!!

Re:Enema Within (0, Redundant)

rustalot42684 (1055008) | more than 6 years ago | (#22020946)

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin"? (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021130)

First of all, it could have been murder.

Secondly, the guy was nearly 60... married twice. If he was childless at that point he wasn't going to contribute to the gene pool anyway, alcohol enema death or no alcohol enema death.

Re:Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin (5, Informative)

RedWizzard (192002) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021200)

First of all, it could have been murder.
The authorities certainly thought so [nwsource.com] initially. They since dropped the charges [sfgate.com], however.

Re:Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin (2, Funny)

ahaile (147873) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021660)

"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.

Remind me not to party with any morticians.

Re:Enema Within: How is it qualified for a "Darwin (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021408)

The qualifications are loose, as the contest is more about laughing at crazily "stupid" deaths than accurately pointing out people whose genes don't get passed on.

Any of the winners could have donated eggs, sperm, or embryos anonymously, and there are other caveats besides. Scientific advancements have made it kinda difficult to say for sure whether a death prior to traditional procreation means the end of the genetic line.

Re:Enema Within (1, Interesting)

nuzak (959558) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021132)

Heard it, no doubt snopes has as well. The Darwin awards aren't even trying anymore.

These awards are like listening to that crusty old "story teller" uncle at reunions. Everyone has heard the storits a hundred times before, everyone knows they're bullshit, but we just humor him because we've only got to go through it once a year if that.

Re:Enema Within (5, Informative)

HeroreV (869368) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021228)

I don't know about this particular case, but it's common knowledge that the body can absorb alcohol through the anus much faster than by normal means. Alcoholic enemas aren't that uncommon. I know they are done, and I wouldn't be surprised if several people have caused serious harm to their health, or even died, from it. It only takes a few seconds to go from completely sober to falling-on-the-ground drunk with an alcoholic enema.

Re:Enema Within (1)

fbjon (692006) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021506)

I can't fathom why anyone would want to do that. Slowly becoming drunk is part of the fun, IMHO.


Alcoholic enema is like sex, only starting with the orgasm, and ending with the worst part of getting drunk. Man, what a drag!

Re:Enema Within (1)

fahrbot-bot (874524) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021736)

it's common knowledge that the body can absorb alcohol through the anus much faster than by normal means

Caffeine too from coffee, though I'm not sure how I'd order that at Starbucks. Definitely wouldn't be a "no-whip".

Re:Enema Within (2, Informative)

LrdDimwit (1133419) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021428)

Except that in this case, not only do we have a name and other details that are commonly missing, the victim's wife was initially arrested on murder charges, then released due to lack of evidence (they would have had to prove she knew it would kill him, or would be dangerous -- she says he did it often). So while many of these are borderline urban legendish, this particular one is well documented.

And if this story doesn't deserve a Darwin award, I can't imagine what would. (Not that I hold the whole Darwin Award thing in terribly high regard, but come on -- this one clearly is a winner.)

Re:Enema Within (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021296)

This might explain tubgirl.

The Real Darwin Awards (5, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021406)

As a funeral director I think Darwin awards should be handed out not to the stupid but to the senseless. The following list is based on my own professional observations of people I think qualify for a Darwin Award.

1. pedestrians who ignore traffic
2. recreational drug users
3. drivers who drive distracted, intoxicated or stupid
4. people who commit suicide (if you find yourself in this spot, seriously talk to someone. I've seen the aftermath and its never clean, neat or peaceful -- and anyone who tells you different... has never been there)

The real tragedy isn't that we do stupid things but we keep doing the same stupid things with the same tragic results and always act surprised when people die.

So seriously folks, next time you think its safe to cross on a red light, drive and talk on a cell phone or take hit of cocaine at a party, just remember that millions of people ahead of you of made the same decision and are either dead or killed some poor innocent person.

A senseless death stops being senseless when we learn from it and resolve not to let it happen again. Give the real Darwin Awards to the tens of thousands who never learn.

News for nerds (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22020798)

Stuff that matters. This is not fark.

Re:News for nerds (2, Insightful)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021136)

Stuff that matters. This is not fark.
Yeah cos we're so much cooler when we filter out the fun and games. I'd bet anything that it was a pointlessly nitpicky Urkel type like you that inspired the invention of the wedgie.

Re:News for nerds (1)

Creepy Crawler (680178) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021374)

What kind of people are we to make fun and games about someone dying?

Even if it is a spectacular stupid way, it still is no reason to laugh at their corpse and go "Ha Ha!" nelson style.

Re:News for nerds (2, Insightful)

LrdDimwit (1133419) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021452)

Some people are stupid. Often times, people will be more afraid of peer pressure -- what people will think -- than actual risk of physical harm. Look at the people who die trying to reenact stunts from Jackass. If mocking people who die in idiotic ways prevents even a very low number of extra people from offing themselves in similar ways, then it has accomplished something.

It still doesn't make us very nice people.

Re:News for nerds (1)

MobileTatsu-NJG (946591) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021460)

What kind of people are we to make fun and games about someone dying?

Even if it is a spectacular stupid way, it still is no reason to laugh at their corpse and go "Ha Ha!" nelson style.
If I stuck a bottle rocket up my butt and ended up with 3rd degree burns, would you laugh?

Re:News for nerds (1)

causality (777677) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021624)

If I stuck a bottle rocket up my butt and ended up with 3rd degree burns, would you laugh?

Why, yes. Yes I would.

I'd laugh even harder if you said you didn't know you were taking that risk when you were, after all, putting a firework up your ass and lighting it.

Re:News for nerds (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021826)

What kind of people are we to make fun and games about someone dying?

Even if it is a spectacular stupid way, it still is no reason to laugh at their corpse and go "Ha Ha!" nelson style.
If I stuck a bottle rocket up my butt and ended up with 3rd degree burns, would you laugh?
Post the YouTube video and we'll let you know.

Re:News for nerds (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22022216)

Slashdot's purpose is (was) supposed to be technology related news, usually computer stuff.

There are millions of websites out there aimed at providing general news, and almost all of them provided links to the Darwin awards. Most of the people who come here do so to find interesting technology news, which the Darwin awards aren't. If I wanted to see every piece of shit article that some idiot considers news, I'd just go to Reddit or (god forbid) Digg.

Far be it from me to suggest how the Slashdot staff runs their website, but I don't think this article really meshes with the stated purpose.

Re:News for nerds (1, Flamebait)

Khyber (864651) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021436)

NERDS. DARWIN. You must not have paid attention to SCIENCE classes in high school, did you?

No wonder you're posting as AC, so your UID doesn't get downmodded into oblivion due to your stupidity.

Re:News for nerds (4, Funny)

JoeCommodore (567479) | more than 6 years ago | (#22022142)

Actually this is pretty on-topic, it reminds all of us: in tech support, programming, design and administration what users can be truly capable of.

Amusing (2, Funny)

Maxite (782150) | more than 6 years ago | (#22020914)

I find it amusing, that the story that probably best reflects /., is also the one most likely to be disqualified. The note at the bottom of the Laptop Still Works [darwinawards.com] indicates the following:

Darwin says, "This nomination is not popular. It is against the rules to receive a Darwin Award if you injure innocent people. I thought this event might qualify anyway, because the driver was an idiot, and the occupants of the Hummer were not seriously injured. But it seems that I was wrong. This story will likely be removed from the archive soon."

Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22020924)

Where are your sensibilities, Slashdot. Someone's death is not a laughing matter. I was told this was a progressive site, but since then I noticed it's comprised of libertarians who hate the government and have a sick sense of humor.

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (1)

Purity Of Essence (1007601) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021000)

Someone's death is not a laughing matter.

What the hell are you talking about?

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021176)

Mod grandparent up. While we all might get a chuckle and some delightful schadenfreude out of these awards, we should remember that the award recipients are all (or mostly) real people, and that their deaths have had a devastating effect on their loved ones. Sure, they may have died in profoundly stupid ways, but does that entitle anyone to laugh at their untimely demise? Most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, have done stupid things in the past, but (fortunately) these stupid things haven't fatally backfired. And stupid actions are not mutually exclusive with intelligence - Otto Plath (Sylvia's father) was convinced that he had cancer and stayed away from doctors, then died of diabetes mellitus, which he could have managed if he'd been diagnosed earlier. The guy possessed several degrees, diplomas and doctorates in a multitude of fields, and without his genes we would not have one of the twentieth century's greatest poets. Yet I'm pretty sure 'Darwin' would have a chuckle at his demise.

FUCKING DIE, FAG (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021232)

How is this for 'progressive'? -- FUCKING DIE, FAG

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (3, Insightful)

Wonko the Sane (25252) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021274)

If you allow yourself to really empathize with all the tragedy in the world, then you would collapse emotionally. Humor is a psychological self-defense. You can consider a situation and possible learn something from it without getting too emotionally invested.

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (2, Interesting)

Kjella (173770) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021912)

It's also a good way to get past initial trauma and depression, but apply with care in long term situations. I have a coworker that was in an accident, headaches and shit. In the beginning it was all wisecracks like "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" and it helped him and us all deal with it. The problems lasted, the jokes grew stale and so they stopped. Then it suddenly got all glum and serious and solemn at the same time as he was trying to deal with it being long-term or perhaps even permanent. Right then I felt really sorry for him, but when the balloon had popped like that it wasn't easy to change. Somehow, I'd do things differently if I had the chance...

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (3, Informative)

CustomDesigned (250089) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021186)

Someone's death is not a laughing matter.

The foolish man repeats his mistakes (except when trying for a Darwin award).
The intelligent man learns from his mistakes (unless they are fatal).
But, the wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (1)

thegrassyknowl (762218) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021546)

The foolish man repeats his mistakes (except when trying for a Darwin award)

This is the point of the Darwin awards. Those fools do not get to contribute to the gene pool. I like the gravity still works one...

Re:Another Year of Offensive Darwin Awards (2, Interesting)

sqrt(2) (786011) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021206)

The term "Nerds" encompasses a very wide range of people and personalities. You'll find all types here, although politically it's a safe bet to say most Slashdotters lean towards liberalism--at least as it's applied to social issues. I'm no libertarian (-5.62, -5.33) [politicalcompass.org]. As much as liberals and progressives would like to consider themselves compassionate and caring we're still humans, we still can't help but look at the car accident as we pass by. There's a morbid fascination with death that all humans have. It's a strange urge to take a peak at something you'll have to experience first hand in the end, and it scares us, but it also captivates us. I don't think there's anything wrong with commentating on someone's death; and Slashdot certainly didn't invent dark humor, nor is it the most extreme example of it to be found on the web. Not by a long shot. I've seen things you wouldn't believe.

We're not laughing at people we killed, they died by their own hands. Speculating on the ramifications their removal from the gene pool has on the larger society doesn't make them any more or less dead. I will grant you that my opinion would change if it was a loved one or a friend being talked about and laughed at. Isn't that the essence of comedy though? Something bad happens, to someone else. And It's not always your day to be merely a spectator.

3... 2... 1... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22020956)

slashdotted

I nominate darwinawards.com (4, Funny)

Purity Of Essence (1007601) | more than 6 years ago | (#22020964)

I nominate darwinawards.com for allowing itself to be linked on Slashdot. That server is toast.

Re:I nominate darwinawards.com (1)

timeOday (582209) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021016)

Does slashdotting even happen anymore? The server does seem overwhelmed, but the darwin awards receive notoriety well beyond slashdot.

Re:I nominate darwinawards.com (1)

TheFairElf (669537) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021210)

It may have notoriety well beyond Slashdot but only Slashdotters are browsing the internet on a Saturday night and that includes me :(

No great loss... (2, Insightful)

anss123 (985305) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021080)

The winner was a couple that had sex on a roof, followed by someone filling his ass with alcohol. The rest must be 'less amusing' so IOW No balloons on a chair, rocket engines on a car, or skydiver forgetting his ever important backpack.

Re:I nominate darwinawards.com (2, Interesting)

SpectralDesign (921309) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021914)

You would think in this day and age that a standard Apache config would include a redirect to the Coral Cache if the referer is /.

Really want to know? (4, Funny)

fahrbot-bot (874524) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021002)

Do you really want to know about "The Enema Within?"

Why yes, yes I do. I'm guessing that's a third-date sort of thing?

Re:Really want to know? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021574)

Ha. Wait, you guys still don't even smoke pot these days, huh? No, in the 1970's we didn't feel the need to wait for the third date.

- Love, mom.

Re:Really want to know? (1)

Whiteox (919863) | more than 6 years ago | (#22022062)

I think you fully miss the other meaning for "date".
In some of the more civilized countries (like Australia), 'The Date' is another word for 'Arsehole * '

Slashdotted.... (5, Informative)

rustalot42684 (1055008) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021008)

site seems to be slashdotted; here are the ones I had open before it went down.

What Goes Up Must Come Down 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin "What goes up must come down." (20 June 2007, South Carolina) A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old couple Znaked and injured in the road an hour before sunrise. The two people died at the nearest hospital without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles. Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said. This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time. Ironically, one of the deceased was named "Tumbleston."

The Enema Within 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address! When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead. The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%. In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Support Group 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin "Gravity still works." (28 July 2007, Czech Republic) A pack of thieves attempted to steal scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others. (21 June 2007, Philippines) Three entrepreneurs planned to profit from stolen scrap metal. They entered a former US military complex and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank. Bedazzled by the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began to cut the metal legs out from under the tank. Guess where it fell? Straight onto the thieves. Their flattened bodies have not yet been identified. (31 July 1997) Two teens were disassembling an electric tower with wrenches when it toppled to the ground. They apparently wanted to sell its aluminum supports for scrap, but they failed to realize the essential role the aptly named "support" plays in a 160-foot tower. One of the men was crushed by the collapse of the ten-thousand-pound tower, while the other dug himself out from under, a sadder but wiser man from his close brush with a Darwin Award. Reference: Associated Press

Oil Tank Trampoline 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (24 June 2007, Colorado) If you get "Footloose" and cut the rug on an oil tank, be careful not to light a cigarette or bong of weed, else you may soon be climbing the proverbial "Stairway to Heaven". After smoking marijuana and liquoring themselves up at a popular party spot in Routt National Forest, the teens decided that it would be fun to leap and cavort upon a mostly-empty oil tank. Mostly empty... "There were several ignitions sources," according to the sheriff. Teenagers were smoking, and there was a bonfire nearby. The energetic gyrations of the dancers caused fumes to leak from the relief valve, and an ignition source sparked a "flashdance" as the crude oil storage tank exploded, hurling two teens 150 yards to their deaths. The deceased were identified as Samuel and Christopher, 17 and 19. To Review the Rules: 1. Reproduction: At 17 and 19, they weren't married, nor had they reproduced, nor can they now reproduce. 2. Excellence: They thought it was wise to jump around on an oil tank containing 160 barrels of crude oil, while stoned out of their gourds. 3. Self Selection: Stoned insensible, drunker than the town drunk, and dancing on a oil tank exuding flammable vapors, with a campfire nearby. 4. Maturity: At 17 and 19, both are over the minimum age of 16. 5. Veracity: MSNBC.com and AP.

Barn Demolition 2007 Darwin Award Nominee Unconfirmed by Darwin (14 January 2007, Augusta, West Virginia) Raising a new barn is an endeavor that brings a community together. Demolishing a barn is another question. A trio of friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated structure one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious friend fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden beams were all that stood between the demolition workers and structural collapse. With a little forethought, this ill-fated lumberjack could have anticipated his soon-to-be deadly problem. It was all fun and games until the roof succumbed to the pull of gravity. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.

Re:Slashdotted.... (2, Interesting)

Dan East (318230) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021188)

A pack of thieves attempted to steal scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others.

Stuff like this must happen pretty often. Two guys broke into a shut-down foundry near here with the intent of stealing copper wire. Unfortunately for them, they cut into a 12 kilovolt line that was still energized. One of them died from suffering burns to 60% of his body.

http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/124519 [roanoke.com]

Re:Slashdotted.... (1)

owlstead (636356) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021336)

Yeah, and I feel for them. The other ones seem just incredibly stupid acts all by themselves. These ones could be out of desperation, especially those in the Philippines and such. It happens all the time, take a look at the oil line burns in Nigeria for example. Or people trying to get some electricity in the slumps in south America. If you have to give all those people Darwin awards, you might have a long time writing all the names down.

Re:Slashdotted.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021236)

Some more that I managed to read after waiting a long time for them to load...

10 [darwinawards.com]

(27 July 2007, Guadalajara, Mexico) 24-year-old Jessica was working out in the Provincia Hotel's gym when she realised she needed something from the floor below. Instead of picking up the phone, using the intercom, or just walking downstairs, she decided that the open shaft of the industrial lift was the communications device for her.

So Jessica stuck her head into the empty shaft to shout to the people downstairs. And somehow, she missed noticing that the elevator was coming up towards her. If the elevator had been going down, one could say that she was in no position to observe the approaching lift. But, leaving aside the stupidity of sticking your head into an elevator shaft, if she was looking down, how could she miss the mass of metal inexorably headed her way?

Since an elevator cage and a skull are both solid objects, one had to give. Let's just say, the elevator won. Jessica will be missed by her family, but not by the gene pool.
11 [darwinawards.com]

Rare Double Darwin.

(12 September 2007, Tampa, Florida) The setup: A woman wins two concert tickets from a local radio station. She can't believe her luck. The Dave Matthews Band, live! She invites her friend to join her. But they are in for more than a concert experience.

Flash forward to the next morning. My buddy, head of operations at the amphitheater, looks like hell. He tells me that two women were killed the previous night at the concert. I am shocked. Nothing like this has ever happened at the amphitheater. I ask for details.

Flash back to the previous evening, 8:30pm and pouring rain. The show is delayed. Two women leave the venue to escape the rain. They pass multiple free shuttle buses that run directly to the parking lot. Instead, they opt for a shortcut across a 7-lane Interstate.

They run a hundred yards through wet grass, and jump a six-foot fence that borders the road. Ahead are 3 lanes of freeway traffic, a 100' median, and another 4 lanes of traffic. Beyond that is another six-foot fence, the maze of an 'under construction' garage, and a long hike around a casino.

All in all, the 'shortcut' to their vehicle covers a distance of about a half mile. And the women are in a torrential thunderstorm. Free shuttle bus, or mad dash across dangerous territory?

My buddy was an eyewitness when the first vehicle struck the women at 8:30 pm. Oddly, this was in the first lane of traffic, on a straightaway where one can see headlights for miles in either direction. The impact hurled the women farther into traffic, and each was struck by a second car. They did not survive the collisions.

Ironically, one of the women was an "energetic and gifted athlete" who won two national championships in gymnastics. Physical prowess is no substitute for the homespun maxim:

"Stop. Look. Listen. Or tomorrow you'll be missing."
8 [darwinawards.com]

(19 August 2007, Serbia) It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix. What happens when we combine all three? One might expect men, beer, and bears to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha at the Belgrade Zoo.

The Zoo director said of the incident, "Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage."

The man's naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans. His clothes were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears bare-naked by choice. The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.

Later, Masha and Misha "reacted angrily" when keepers tried to recover the man's corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty prize. We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

Re:Slashdotted.... (3, Informative)

cwtrex (912286) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021302)

Here's my favorite:

The Laptop Still Works!

(26 February 2007, California) 29-year-old Oscar was driving on Highway 99 near Yuba City, when his Honda Accord crossed into oncoming traffic and collided with a Hummer. The occupants of the Hummer were not seriously injured. California Highway Patrol officers found Oscar's laptop still running, and plugged into the car's cigarette lighter. Investigators believe that he was using it when his car crossed the center line.

"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall.

Oscar is not alone. Last year, 510 California drivers were charged with reckless driving because they were using a TV, video, or computer monitor. A 2001 CHP study cites cell phone use as the top cause of crashes involving distracted drivers, followed by fiddling with music. "Anything that distracts you can kill you, whether it's eating lunch or working on a computer," an AAA spokesman said.

Oscar was a computer tutor. Hopefully his fatal lesson will teach others to surf on the information superhighway, not the asphalt superhighway.


I hope stories like that get publized more often. Too often do I tell people to stick in a cd and leave it alone or to stop playing with their cell phone until they are stopped. Their response is always, but I do it all the time. I tell them, one of these days you are going to get yourself killed. :-\

Btw, for the rest of the stories, search for these names in google and look at the cached copy. Don't forget to add a +darwin so that the stories end up at the top:

Coitus Interruptus 8.0 (8929 votes)

The Enema Within 8.0 (4212 votes)

Weight Lift 7.8 (2169 votes)

Support Group 7.8 (3712 votes)

Stop. Look. Listen. 7.7 (1745 votes)

Beer for Bears 7.6 (2210 votes)

Mole Hunt 7.5 (5355 votes)

A Prop-er Job 7.4 (4418 votes)

Oil Tank Trampoline 7.4 (5721 votes)

Superior Momentum 7.1 (2103 votes)

Elephants Press Back 7.1 (1236 votes)

Barn Demolition 7.1 (3324 votes)

Electronic Fireworks 7.0 (3607 votes)

Fatal a-Traction 6.0 (10 votes)

The Laptop Still Works! 5.7 (1160 votes)

Cow-ard 5.6 (8 votes)

Fatal Foaming Action 4.9 (1433 votes)

Re:Slashdotted.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22022198)

California Highway Patrol officers found Oscar's laptop still running, and plugged into the car's cigarette lighter. Investigators believe that he was using it when his car crossed the center line.
Maybe he had a GPS for his laptop? I do. MS Streets & Trips w/ GPS Receiver works pretty darn well. I set the laptop in the passenger seat, and before driving I set it up with my destination address. From then on I pretty much just listen to the audio instructions (I do occasionally glance at the map, but as little as possible). Considering my travel schedule it has come in really handy.

Re:Slashdotted.... (1)

Tablizer (95088) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021340)

Note that the gray quoting is a bit hard on the eyes. But thanks for mirroring the article for us. (I'll paste the text to remove grayness.)
     

Re:Slashdotted.... (5, Funny)

kylben (1008989) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021800)

Jeez, you guys can slashdot a site even at a quarter to ten on a Saturday night? Don't you people have lives? Now go out to your bars, and your clubs, and your girlfriends, and get off the DA site so I can see it.

Website victim of the Slashdot Effect?? (1)

Doug52392 (1094585) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021018)

It looks like The Darwin Awards web server has become the victim of the Slashdot Effect! Maybe the IT dept. at The Darwin Awards server room should win the award?

The 2007 Darwin Award Winners (1, Insightful)

evilviper (135110) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021032)

And, no doubt, like every other year, it will be filled with previously disproven and utterly ridiculous urban legends, because they happen to sound better than the real thing.

I think Snopes (or perhaps Mythbusters if you're desperate) should have a "Darwin Awards" special every year.

Re:The 2007 Darwin Award Winners (2, Insightful)

nuzak (959558) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021166)

> I think Snopes [...] should have a "Darwin Awards" special every year.

They do, actually. Well, it pops up in their RSS feed whenever these things make the rounds. The Darwin Awards are never really awarded, it's just that random groups of credulous dumbasses start forwarding various "funny stories" emails en masse and they just paste "Darwin Awards" on them. I don't know, maybe these were "official", I can't bring myself to care anymore. I swear there are even dupes from previous years on the list.

none for taunting tigers at the sf zoo? (1)

tiffany98121 (1094419) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021068)

dunno if it's there since the site's slashdotted, but you'd think that would deserve a mention

slashdotted in just 27 minutes (2, Informative)

vrmlguy (120854) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021078)

I read the first few links OK, then things started timing out. Since I use the Slashdotter [mozilla.org] extension for Firefox, I immediately clicked on all the .nyud.net:8090 copies of the links. Some of them are still trying to get cached, but here's the complete list of the mentioned links.

Lone objector (5, Interesting)

Hao Wu (652581) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021218)

I humbly protest the DA each year, but not with any judgment or anger about it.

Exploiting death for humor turns me off somehow (except for the occasional hard criminal - good riddance to them).

Of course that's not the INTENTION, but that's what it is really...

Re:Lone objector (1)

jamesh (87723) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021370)

Of course that's not the INTENTION, but that's what it is really...

Who knows... maybe some potential Darwin nominee will read the list (unlikely) or hear someone repeating one of the stories down the pub (more likely), and think twice about his actions.

I think the Darwin awards provide a valuable public service.

Re:Lone objector (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021380)

I'm with you on that. I get a chill from the thought of an organisation set up to chortle over lost lives. I also find it pretty cold that Wendy Northcutt (the owner of darwinawards.com) also sells Darwin Awards books for profit.

Re:Lone objector (1)

Cafe Alpha (891670) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021386)

I agree.

I think it's listening to people laugh about the Darwin Awards that I find so depressing. Ok, there are stupid people in the world and they sometimes cause tragedies. I accept that.

But that I'm surrounded by insensitive assholes who laugh at their deaths bothers me.

Re:Lone objector (1)

MightyYar (622222) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021504)

Aww, c'mon. Not all of these people are just endangering themselves. One of the winners was using his laptop while driving - and died after crashing into oncoming traffic. This guy was so reckless that if he hadn't been killed, he probably should have been put in jail. I really don't feel bad chuckling at such an asshole's death.

But I see where you are coming from with some of the others. Dark humor appeals to me, though. It's not something that I can help. It's not that I am being insensitive - it is just that certain dark things make me chuckle. You're being insensitive about my condition :)

Re:Lone objector (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021446)

You're not alone by any means. Most of us that find this stuff stupid and sick just avoid it, and don't read all the immature comments by assholes diverting attention from their own sorry lives to laugh at somebody who is dead.

I would mod you up, but somebody will just mod you as flamebait....

Re:Lone objector (5, Insightful)

LordLucless (582312) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021556)

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." - George Bernard Shaw

Re:Lone objector (1)

cbreaker (561297) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021640)

I wouldn't get too upset about it. These read like Playboy Magazine sex experience stories. Most of them are bullshit and didn't happen. If not all.

They're just e-mail chain letters with a web site.

Re:Lone objector (1)

ContractualObligatio (850987) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021748)

You're protesting something and accusing others of exploiting death, and yet you make no judgement? At best you're being disingenuous. But at worst, it may be that you consider yourself so inherently better than others, to the extent that you need not form a judgement in order to be able to look down upon their words.

At least they are being honest in their reaction. You however actually go to the effort of using tags to emphasis your "humility" - do you realise how self-contradictory that is?

Re:Lone objector (1)

kemushi88 (1156073) | more than 6 years ago | (#22022232)

I agree. I think it would be much funnier if it were a collection of stories of people doing stupid stuff, but that didn't result in the harm of them or others.

not terribly funny (2, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021240)

meh.
I've got a pretty twisted sense of humour, but not too many of these are very funny. maybe the mole/electrocution one...but:
couple dies after falling off the roof they on which they were having sex?
man has a car accident and dies because he was trying to use his laptop while driving?
I don't know - seems like a poor crop this year.
maybe people are just getting smarter?


HAHAHA (*wipes tear from eye*)

Cashed Version (3, Insightful)

Psychotic_Wrath (693928) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021244)

I went and got the cashed version
Coitus Interruptus - ? http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:Tn__1Wlm4yAJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-05.html+darwin+awards+2007+Coitus+Interruptus&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
The Enema Within - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:XstNYmjE6HEJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-13.html+darwin+awards+2007+the+enema+within&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Weight Lift - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:tw9FxHzjlMIJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-10.html+darwin+awards+2007+weighted+lift&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Support group - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:YTaW1K_CuMMJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-09.html+darwin+awards+2007+support+group&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Beer for Bears - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:o6AOEFDNMKEJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-08.html+darwin+awards+2007+beer+for+bears&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Stop. Look. Listen. - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:WzxkuhMGeegJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-11.html+darwin+awards+2007+stop+look+listen&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
A Prop-er Job - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:XJeaf-KVQLEJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-03.html+darwin+awards+2007+%22a+prop-er+job%22&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Oil Tank Trampoline - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:K6PCQLDDR04J:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-06.html+darwin+awards+2007+oil+tank+trampoline&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Superior Momentum - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:oAhg-uXJdmgJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-07.html+darwin+awards+2007+superior+momentum&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Barn Demolition - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:oIp1EibmK-gJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-02.html+darwin+awards+2007+barn+demolition&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]
Electronic Fireworks -
Fatal a-Traction - http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:T86gS6EexbMJ:www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-16.html+darwin+awards+2007+%22fatal+a-Traction&hl=en&gl=us&strip=1/ [209.85.173.104]

Best of the Rest: Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish (4, Insightful)

mojoNYC (595906) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021316)

While the nominees this year are, as always, quite deserving, I can't believe this guy didn't make the list:

Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish
Autopsy: Pastor found in wetsuits after autoerotic mishap

OCTOBER 8--An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking). While the Montgomery Advertiser, which first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge's two wet suits, the family newspaper chose not to mention what police discovered inside the minister's rubber briefs. Aldridge served as the church's pastor for 16 years. Immediately following his death, church officials issued a press release asking community members to "please refrain from speculation" about what led to Aldridge's demise, adding that, "we will begin the healing process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ." (5 pages)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1008072scuba1.html [thesmokinggun.com]

Re:Best of the Rest: Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22021322)

it's probably just too common to be deserving of an award.

Re:Best of the Rest: Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22022074)

At 51, its a little late to consider his death as having removed him from the breeding pool.

Twas not a Hummer but Bugs that Killed the Tech. (2, Insightful)

gnutoo (1154137) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021366)

Blue screen of death fatality? No, the poor bastard was died because he ran into a Hummer. Those things are so wide he did not have to cross the line to have the accident and no passenger car will survive the impact. If you need to haul things, please buy a pickup truck or a van or a hatchback, not something designed for combat. When you don't need to haul things, please buy a passenger vehicle with properly designed crush zones.

Re:Twas not a Hummer but Bugs that Killed the Tech (2, Informative)

goofballs (585077) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021520)

Blue screen of death fatality? No, the poor bastard was died because he ran into a Hummer. Those things are so wide he did not have to cross the line to have the accident and no passenger car will survive the impact. If you need to haul things, please buy a pickup truck or a van or a hatchback, not something designed for combat. When you don't need to haul things, please buy a passenger vehicle with properly designed crush zones.


cute, but:
- the dude crossed the line
- a hummer h1 is ~8" wider than most fullsized pickups, so not that huge a difference
- it was probably a hummer h2, which is only a couple inches wider than pickups
- a hummer (even the h1) isn't designed for combat

The Laptop Still Works (0, Redundant)

pyrrhonist (701154) | more than 6 years ago | (#22021768)

(26 February 2007, California) 29-year-old Oscar was driving on Highway 99 near Yuba City, when his Honda Accord crossed into oncoming traffic and collided with a Hummer. The occupants of the Hummer were not seriously injured. California Highway Patrol officers found Oscar's laptop still running, and plugged into the car's cigarette lighter. Investigators believe that he was using it when his car crossed the center line.

Officer Poncherello of the CHiPs remarked, "The occupants of the Hummer were very lucky there was only a single laptop involved. Imagine the damage that could have been caused by a Beowulf cluster of these. Of course, if he had been running Linux, like we recommend, this would not have happened."

Funniest Darwin Ever Was... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 6 years ago | (#22022242)

My favorite is about a pregnant woman who thought she could fix a washing machine and electrocuted herself. I laughed my ass off.

QED. You're all sick bastards.
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