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Comments

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Stop The Vultures?

Captain Splendid Re:Typical (8 comments)

Which is all well and good, but we'll never achieve our own godhood just lolling about in the sunshine.

I got no problem with the concept of civilization being built upon blood and bones, I just don't see it as the ultimate evil. Close, but no cigar.

4 days ago
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Give me Catholic Heaven, Islamic Paradise is too hard

Captain Splendid Re:RELIGION IS A CRUTCH (10 comments)

Garth Ennis, in one of his comics, had it as having to take care of 72 screaming babies.

4 days ago
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What No True Scotsman means in the real world

Captain Splendid Re:Calling Obama a Socialist (21 comments)

Fuck, that's even more of a stretch than the one about Jesus loving the second amendment.

about a month ago
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What No True Scotsman means in the real world

Captain Splendid Re:Calling Obama a Socialist (21 comments)

Socialism is a farce used to herd people?

Why you talking shit about Jesus?

about a month and a half ago
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Videogames and sexism

Captain Splendid Re:I read as far... (2 comments)

then got distracted looking for back issues of "King" Magazine.

I hear that! Makes you ashamed you ever looked at a Playboy cover.

about a month and a half ago
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When it doubt, try for the Jedi Mind-Trick, right?

Captain Splendid Re:Bottom line (44 comments)

Christ, but you're a lazy cunt.

about a month and a half ago
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When it doubt, try for the Jedi Mind-Trick, right?

Captain Splendid Re:Bottom line (44 comments)

LOL, check out the noob who's only just discovered kickbacks!

Here, let me be helpful: If this animates you so, take aim at some of your local critters. They're just as corrupt, but a lot easier to take out.

about a month and a half ago
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Get off Wierd Al's Lawn!

Captain Splendid Re:I wroted a book ma! (10 comments)

Hey man, don't be shy. Go ahead and pimp your book as well. I mean, there's no videos of cats or pictures of food here, so we're here for the words, right?

about a month and a half ago
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When it doubt, try for the Jedi Mind-Trick, right?

Captain Splendid Re:Bottom line (44 comments)

"Emails Show Cozy Government-Insurer Alliance, Expectation of Bailout."

How the fuck is that news?

about a month and a half ago
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Cell Phone Unlocking Is Legal -- For Now

Captain Splendid Re:LOL, "American Freedom"! (135 comments)

The "Corporations iz peeple" conflict has lasted far longer than any of those wars you mentioned.

And I'd happily plunk down a slashdot sub on a bet saying it's cost more as well.

about a month and a half ago
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I blame Captain Splendid

Captain Splendid McNulty (8 comments)

"What the fuck did I do?"

about 2 months ago
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Comcast Executives Appear To Share Cozy Relationships With Regulators

Captain Splendid Re:That's nothing (63 comments)

The circles of power are incestuous! News at 11!

Christ, is this really what passes for news on slashdot these days? "Appears"? Pull the other one!

about 3 months ago
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Conservative court makes conservative rulings

Captain Splendid You're not thinking big enough. (10 comments)

Step 1: Incorporate yourself.
Step 2: Find (or create) a religion that fits your lifestyle and use that pretext to do pretty much whatever you want.
Step 3: Profit!

about 3 months ago
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Cantor

Captain Splendid Re:Place yer bets (4 comments)

I just content myself with baiting conservatives. They're so divorced from reality these days, even the mildest proclamation of their future gets them frothing at the mouth.

about 3 months ago
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The Profoundly Weird, Gender-Specific Roots of the Turing Test

Captain Splendid Re:Wow (136 comments)

Yeah, no. Speaking as a white male, I wouldn't give that shit up for all the money in the world.

You go on believing that being a guy makes you a second-class citizen, see how for that gets you.

about 3 months ago
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The Profoundly Weird, Gender-Specific Roots of the Turing Test

Captain Splendid Re:Wow (136 comments)

You're not lucky, you just have a broader range of human experience.

The sad truth is, all us humans are a little crazy (aka human). It's just only seen as a bad thing if you have a vagina.

about 3 months ago

Submissions

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Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 7 years ago

Captain Splendid (673276) writes "As usual, Red gets it right when so many get it wrong.

Do you mow your front lawn?

Hell no, I pay someone to do it. People who think the smell of fresh cut grass is "lovely" obviously have never had to mow the lawn themselves.

Do you want to roll with the Gangstas?

Depends. Are bitches and money involved? If so, yes.

Are you first in your class?

ROFL, no. I was the kid in class who did fuck all work and always came in second. One of the first great lessons of my life was discovering how (to me) such simple inaction could piss so many people off in so many different ways.

Are you a champion at D and D?

If we're talking bras, then buddy, you have no conception of how good I am. Pen and paper RPG? Not so much.

Is MC Escher your favorite MC?

Ol' Dirty Batard reigns supreme.

Do you drink Earl Grey tea?

The 2 most overused phrases in the UK are:

1) "Put the kettle on."
2) "Fancy a cuppa?"

I lived there way too long, and am sick of the stuff.

Are your rims quite stationary?

Rims or pay someone to mow my lawn? You get the idea.

Are all of your action figures cherry?

More like "Repeatedly Violated"

Is Steven Hawking in your library?

No. Got a Kurzweil book around here somewhere, though....

Is your MySpace page all totally pimped out?

Even if I had a MySpace page, do you think I'd brag about it on /.?

Do you got people beggin for your top eight spaces?

Fake it or risk being uncool and say wtf is that? Decisions, decisions....

Do you know pi to a thousand places?

No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it!

Do you still wear braces?

Never have. Besides, crooked teeth are useful for freaking out Usians.

Do you order all of your sandwiches with mayonnaise?

Ugh! Mind you, it's nice on french fries.

Are you a whiz at Minesweeper?

Can someone explain the attraction to me? I got bored in 2 seconds and went and got addicted to freecell instead.

Could you play for days?

No. 10-12 hours seems to the rough shape of the "envelope"

Is there a killer app you haven't run?

As a Linux noob, that would be a big fat yes

Do you know Pascal?

Did a little in high school

Do you do vector calculus just for fun?

Nope. Instead, I daydream about torturing famous people.

Do You got a soldering gun?

No.

Is Happy Days your favorite theme song?

A-Team. Or Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Are you an ace in a game of ping pong?

Is that what they call the guy that faults pretty much every shot?

Can you ace any trivia quiz I'll bring on?

Sadly, yes.

Are you fluent in JavaScript?

No, I cut and paste like everybody else.

Are you fluent in Klingon?

ghobe'

Do you ride a Segway?

I suck at remembering chick's names

Do you collect X-Men comics?

Used to. You know what they say about soap operas: You don't buy 'em, you rent 'em.

The pens in your pocket, do you protect them?

Money, keys, knife, smokes, lighter. If I need a pen, I'll just steal one from the bank for a few minutes.

Does your ergonomic keyboard ever leaves you bored?

Do the encrustations of filth make it ergonomic?

Do you Shop online for deals on some writable media?

Fuck deals. You have the item and the price is reasonable? Sold.

Do you edit Wikipedia?

No. Frankly, those pedants scare the crap out of me.

Have you memorized Holy Grail?

Now that you mention it, I'm probably pretty close.

Can you recite it right now?

We are the knights who say...uh...auggghhhh!

Do you got a business doing websites?

Used to. Not worth the sodding effort.

When your friends need some code, who do they call?

Yeah, we're not that l33t, sorry.

Did you make a homepage for your dog?

No, but my wife has a blog about her garden.

Do you have a fanny pack?

I prefer the British term: Bum bag. And, no, never. Ever.

Do you shop at The Gap?

I get all my clothes by mugging homeless people.

Do you spend your nights with a roll of bubble wrap?

How plebeian. Once you've rolled around your bed naked in a pile of money, everything else just seems so vulgar, darling.

Were you in AV Club?

Ha! I was the AV club for a short while.

Glee Club?

Nope. Choir, though.

Chess Team?

Nope.

Do you like Kirk or do you like Picard?

Sisko could kick both their asses.

Do you spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair?

No, but I hear renaissance fairies are HOT.

Do you have your name on your underwear?

Hobos don't wear underwear."
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Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 7 years ago

Captain Splendid writes "For those who are unfamiliar with Jim Kunstler, his latest post is a good an introduction to the man as any.


It is interesting to see how suggestible world opinion can be. Hassan Nasrallah says that Hezbollah "won" the one-month war it started with Israel and the world affects to believe it. Even the Lebanese pretend to believe it, though their economy was wrecked in the process.

What interests me a little more is the absence of any sense of cause and effect among the Lebanese leaders. They allow Hezbollah to operate as a surrogate military within their state, and then they complain when Hezbollah's military transgressions are answered by an Israeli military response against the host state. And now the Lebanese have to pretend to celebrate Hezbollah's victory -- while tourists quietly decide to go anywhere in the Mediterranean except Beirut.

Another body of opinion, exemplified by George Friedman at Stratfors, says that by failing to eliminate Hezbollah's hardened positions in south Lebanon, Israel has lost its aura of military invincibility -- the invisible shield that for thirty-odd years made the leaders of Muslim states think twice before starting a rumble. This might be true for the moment. But it doesn't include the additional reality that sometimes failure is a salutary prompt to rethink one's tactics and strategy. The likelihood now is that Israel will find ways around Hezbollah's (and Iran's) tactic of conducting rocket war from fortified bunkers and Israel will not advertise it when they do.

Israel's current Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert may be viewed as a loser by Israel's Knesset or parliament, and they may replace him with Bibi Netanyahu, who was PM in the 1990s and went through his own years of loserdom, and now might return to power with a more refined tragic sense of politics and circumstance, as Churchill did in England in 1939.

World opinion seems to regard Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as the current "winner" in the region. He says he aims to kick Israel's ass and sends his goons to show the world how it's done. They're like little kids who go to a neighbor's house, set a paper bag full of dog shit on fire on the door step, ring the doorbell, and hide in the bushes to watch the response. Eventually the police show up.

America's aura of loserdom in the Iraq adventure glows a more nauseating shade of greenish brown every day. But it would be a mistake to think that Iraq was Vietnam all over again. Iraq stopped being a war for us three years ago and became a hopeless police action in a terrible neighborhood. Would Iraq (and the world) be better off with Saddam Hussein still in charge? My guess is he would be vying with Mr. Ahmadinejad to lead the jihad for a return of the Islamic caliphate. That event might have stimulated Europe to take the clash of civilizations a little more seriously a little sooner -- but, alas, we will never know.

As things stand now, Iraq appears poised to crack up along ethnic and regional lines, no matter how many Hummers patrol the streets, which would leave most of the remaining oil wealth of the Shiite-dominant south within Iran's sphere of influence.

Sooner or later America is going to lose access to the roughly 20 percent of the total oil imports it gets that come from the Middle East. The foothold in Iraq was an attempt to postpone that day. It looks like it will not work out. The US army is exhausting itself and bankrupting the civilian treasury. Sixty percent of the US public now disapproves of our continued presence there. Internal pressures among the Middle East oil producers themselves -- including those on the sidelines of the war -- will create additional stresses. Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iran, the UAE, all have peaked now in terms of oil production. Meanwhile, their populations still grow, their internal oil consumption increases, leaving less for export, and the quality of the crude goes from light-and-sweet to heavy-and-sour, with further difficulties for refining and marketing.

If America loses 20 percent of its oil imports -- on top of steep depletion rates elsewhere (Mexico, the North Sea), plus political trouble in places like Nigeria and Venezuela -- then we can kiss goodbye a whole roster of things like WalMart, easy motoring on the interstate highway system, Walt Disney World, a continued profitable build-out of suburbia, and a diet of Cheez Doodles and Pepsi. I am on record, of course, as not being in favor of these things, but it would be very messy indeed if they all ground to a halt in a few mere months.

We've done a lousy job of preparing ourselves to live differently. In fact, the whole thrust of American politics along the whole spectrum has been to keep the current racket going. This is why the only broad discussion now occurring over our energy problems is focused to the point of neurotic obsession with keeping the cars running by other means at all costs. This is true on left as well as the right. The left is lost in raptures of driving around in cars fueled by used french-fry oil. The right is lost in raptures of executive pay packages for retiring oil company executives. We are putting no thought, meanwhile, into how we will grow our food in an energy-scarce future, how we will conduct manufacturing and trade, or how we will heat all the McHouses.

There are two themes here, related by strange circumstance, and both a clear and present danger to America's well-being. One is the implacable enmity of an Islamic world bent on vanquishing its old adversary "the Crusader West." And the other is the West's inability to face the practical problems of reorganizing our societies to meet the reality of an energy-scarcer future. The scary thing is, we have to take both of these challenges seriously.
In the meantime, Israel is the West's stalking horse and Jihad's whipping boy. We should recognize the obvious symbolism.
"

Journals

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Cantor

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 3 months ago

I forgot it was silly season. Mind you, it is the off-year one, the Winter Olympics to Superbowl Tuesday's buffet of awesomeness, so one really cares, including me.

Still, though, props to Brat for achieving trivia question notoriety. It's almost a shame his votes (should he actually make it to Congress) will be in line with his party waaaaaaaaaaay more often than not.

And congrats to the Democrats as well. Always nice when the other team commits an unforced error.

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So, which hardware for Android?

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 4 months ago

Thinking about jumping ship from my cheap but reliable 3GS into the android pool. I'm assuming it's all about the hardware, right? Apart from the Samsung offerings, which everybody raves about (yet I'm not a huge fan of the form factor), has anyone got any recommendations?

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Good luck with the bronze medal game, Septics

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 6 months ago

The Finns are definitely going to give you a run for your money if you play like you did today.

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A brief warning to the current anti-Slashdot beta movement

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 7 months ago

So I see Slashdot is heading towards another redesign, and there's a fair amount of folks fighting the good fight. While I wish you all the best in your current endeavor, I shan't participate or agitate.

Because the sad truth is, original flavour management already killed off this site almost ten years ago through sheer lack of giving a fuck, and Slashdot's first exodus happened, taking some of the best from this place. Worse, Taco and cronies decided that the best move after that was to spend too long slapping a coat of Web 2.0 all over the place, which had the net effect of getting rid of around half the people who had decided it stick it out. By the time Barry O. was inaugurated, the damage was well and truly done. The only people left were idiots, trolls and the precious few too lazy to jump ship.

So go ahead, flood FP stories with anti-beta comments, create alternative communities but remember: This is well-trod ground. Many before you have tried and failed. Moreover, there's nothing here left to save anyway.

Best of luck.

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The Imperial Presidency

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 8 months ago

This is why I stopped paying attention to conservatives long ago: Breathless hype of impending doom, but as you investigate, you find that no matter what technical truth is contained in these overhyped claims, the reality always turns out to be underwhelming at best.

I got my first taste of it back in the late 90s when the big conspiracy theory of the day was FEMA's apparently limitless power during a crisis. Clinton, busy with Lewinskygate, and on his way out, was just waiting for one good disaster in order to unleash FEMA and some sort of New World Order. And then you find out it's just boilerplate shit about responsibility, chain of command, and agency co-operation in order to better respond during an emergency.

And so we come to Dictator Obama and his Fascist Regime, Executive Orders flying out as as fast as his army of statist apparatchiks can churn them out, making a mockery of the Greatest Democracy in the world, like no other politician in the history of ever.

Don't believe the hype.

To be fair though, shame on me. I'm the one got excited then disappointed. No point in blaming the howler monkeys for being the usual idiots on this one.

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Reality has a liberal bias

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 8 months ago

Good on you, Utah:
 

In 2005, Utah figured out that the annual cost of E.R. visits and jail stays for homeless people was about $16,670 per person, compared to $11,000 to provide each homeless person with an apartment and a social worker. So, the state began giving away apartments, with no strings attached. Each participant in Utahâ(TM)s Housing First program also gets a caseworker to help them become self-sufficient, but they keep the apartment even if they fail. The program has been so successful that other states are hoping to achieve similar results with programs modeled on Utahâ(TM)s.

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Carl

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 9 months ago

Finally graduated to a postpaid wireless plan. All the good shit was taken of course, but I managed to get xxx-FRAK, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

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1-800-FUCKYO

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about a year ago

So, apparently there's a lot of hubbub over the national hotline for Obamacare translating to the above epithet.

Now, I thought the idiots hyping this up were conveniently leaving the last digit out in order to preserve the joke, and fair enough.

But then I come to learn that the telephone number actually contains the number 1 in the prefix, so that the transcription would more accurately read 1-800-F1UCKYO.

And again, I'm a charitable man, so have your yucks where you can get 'em, but make sure to get in and out quickly and cleanly. If you get to the part where you have to explain that the joke only works when you rearrange the digits, all they'll remember is that you can't tell a joke.

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Not enough paranoia around here, I see.

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about a year ago

I think he gave away the whole game in that one sentence, and his meaning is clear: The interception, collection and storage (not to mention collation, reproduction, distribution, analysis and many other important sounding words Iâ(TM)m forgetting right now) of untold millions of petabytes is simply a byproduct of whatever it is that the NSAâ(TM)s really been up to these last few decades.

It would be irresponsible to speculate at this juncture, but consider that whatever the NSA is truly doing, it is of such horrible provenance that theyâ(TM)re willing the coverup to be âoeWeâ(TM)re running some fairly comprehensive Police State shit on your ass.â

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RIP Annette Funicello

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about a year and a half ago

And a hearty Rot In Hell for Maggie.

Honestly, fuck all you fawning, simpering retards who've never set foot in Blighty. Except for a 5 minute period in 1982, a minimum of half the country has always hated her guts, and for good reason. So unbunch your panties already.

Oh, and, Trifecta is in play (only reason I posted this damn thing.)

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I give up.

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about a year and a half ago

While I agree it seems a little short-sighted to give "everything" to JJ Abrams and/or his production company, pretty much everything else on the FP thread about him and Valve teaming up is just fucking useless. While I'm not going to hold up Super 8, Cloverfield or even the Trek reboot as masterpieces, the sheer fucking entitlement, whining and nose-holding regarding the news is just awe-inspiring to behold.

And here's the thing. I read a lot of internet crap in the course of the day, so I've seen a ton of editorial and commentariat content on this news already, from a variety of different websites, each with their own style and community, and nowhere on any of those will I find anything close to the retardery here.

So, why am I here again? Can't think of any bloody reason really.

Y'all have fun, and feel free to drop me a line if you want, but fuck this place. It's not even worth the handful of half-assed visits I could muster up lately.

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FYI

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 2 years ago

As a Canadian, I am fucking disgusted and appalled at our recent No vote at the UN.

Bad enough it's a shitty decision, but worse yet, when lumped together with the other No voters, the list looks even more pathetic than "The Coalition Of The Willing" one did. I didn't even know that was possible.

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Chuckle

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  about 2 years ago

I think my favourite thing about this whole Benghazi fake scandal is the apparent assumption by conservatives that the Diplomatic Corps should not be behaving in any kind of diplomatic fashion whatsoever.

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Yawp

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 2 years ago

This is how bad it is now. At some point a couple months ago, either /. or FF logged me out for some reason, and I literally couldn't be arsed to log back in. I checked in on the FP a few times a week, but it's as bad there as it's ever been. Paid trolls? Check. The first hundred or so comments containing nothing but moldy humour and politically retarded geeks? Check. The other half of the thread containing pointless, nitpicking digressions? Check.

Here's something interesting: According to a recent audit, I am part of the 1%. I'd been suspecting this for a while now, but to have some fussy accountant reveal your worth in 7 specific figures is another thing.

Mind you, that's all paper. Give me 30 days to liquidate, and I doubt I could break 50K. Still, nothing to sneer at, especially in these times.

Then again, contra Churchill, I've only gotten more liberal as I've aged, so I sleep well at night. There's never been, and never will be, any of that Galtian bullshit at any of my businesses. Oh noes, I'm only a paper millionaire because I believe in responsible work hours, comprehensive benefits, generous vacation time, and ridiculously competitive pay packages. Give me a friggin break.

Apologies for the shitty grammar. Apparently this new JE interface is even worse than I thought.

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Everybody Relax

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Dick Clark isn't dead, because Dick Clark can't die. They just ran into some temporary problems during a scheduled reboot.

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CHALLENGE COMPLETED

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Most men will spend years, sometimes even decades, convincing their ladies to perform outré sexual acts.

As for me, it was trying to convince my wife to watch a DVD...with the commentary turned on.

So, as of Thursday night, success! We both thoroughly enjoyed Aliens, with has a nice 'blended' commentary track, involving Jimmy Cameron himself, ex-wife and producer Gale Ann Hurd, the venerable Stan Winston, along with a couple of FX leads, and rounded off by a quartet of Colonial Marines.

Sadly, no Sigourney Weaver, but honestly, she wasn't missed. On a related note, someone needs to give Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen their own podcast. Great energy from those three.

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Unemployment

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 2 years ago

After almost 7 long, painful years, my quest seems to be finally at an end.

In another couple weeks, I will finally be unemployed.

Sadly, that state of affiars won't last long, nor to my liking. I was hoping to find a nice boring regular job type job, or perhaps even consider staying home and be a domestic goddess, but it seems I've become far too valuable for that.

Which is a shame. I always took a certain amount of pride and happiness in being a regular working schlub, and well, I miss not having that, nor the future possibilty of it happening again.

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Easy answers to easy questions.

Captain Splendid Captain Splendid writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Little Erick, in the throes of almost year-long deep depression, asks this question:

Have conservatives entered a suicide pact? Has the Republican Party, as a whole, done the same?

Yes, Erick, you have. This is what happens when you spend decades paying lip service to fundamentalism and oligarchy. This is what happens when you think labeling at least half your countrymen as traitors and subhumans is good strategy. This is what happens when you switch to the alternative fuels of hate and fear without doing any of that icky science beforehand to see if it was even a good idea in the first place.

And it's not like you haven't been warned, by no less than the people who originated some of these modern GOP tactics and strategies, that this would end up biting you in the ass. But since you've spent most of the last 40 years winning, you ignored it. But what you need to do, once you get your asses handed to you next year in an election that was only ever yours to lose, is sit the fuck down and do nothing else but some really hard thinking and soul searching, because shit like this

We do not have anyone on our side making the moral case for the free market.

The problem is that candidate, Jon Huntsman, decided to launch his campaign by giving conservatives a middle finger as he raced to get on The View.

we would be crazy not to reconsider Perry

It is hard to dislike a guy who can filet his opponent with a smile and a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.

...shows that you have zero clue of what the problems you're facing are.

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