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Google+ Registers 25 Million Visitors

CheeseburgerBrown I Google Minused (213 comments)

I Google Minused because they said they were pretty sure my boss wasn't smart enough to elude circle security, so I should probably associate everything I post and say with my legal and professional name and after all what could go wrong why not?

Also, because I was afeared that some of the stories about people outed for being nicknamed and ended up with lock-outs to their entire suite of Googlies were slightly true. If using my nick on Google+ meant jeopardising access to my control dealies for my Blog*spot public skirt-twisting or AdSense pimping, even temporarily while I argued with a Googlebot, I would be left helplessly rending my garments and shaking my fist at the cloud.

So I took my toys and went home.

more than 3 years ago

3D Hurts Your Eyes

CheeseburgerBrown 1.21 Gigawatts! (244 comments)

Not without your time-machine, bitch.

more than 3 years ago

3D Hurts Your Eyes

CheeseburgerBrown Handicapping, Ridiculous, Anti-Progress (244 comments)

First of all, there's no way to know if two things are separated by a volume of space unless you have a headache. That's how evolution works: the cerebral nerves were caused to evolve specifically by Darwin in order to function as a kind of animal cruelty version of Pavlov's dog in which mapping three-dimensional space actuates the occipital squinting reflex, causing us to narrow our eyes meaningfully at expansive vistas while also wishing for acetylsalicylic acid and a glass of water.

Scientists consider this sort of thing basically self-evident, like the existence of atoms or Jenny McCarthy.

Furthermore, the so-called Disney Cortex is capable of parsing dimensionality exclusively through parallax; in effect, the neck pain caused by this subtle lateral shifting of the head is conveyed via the uvula directly into the cranial brain-case, tapping into the same area of sensitivity exploited by the spatial depth pain discussed above.

Elementary biochemisphology tells us that the only way stereoscopy can function effectively in the real world of fake entertainment is by pulling out all the stop and going holographic, so that the images can be processed and hurt us in as natural a way as possible. This is God's way of telling us that the Holodeck was cool.

Fad researchers have understood this for centuries, since the time the Illuminati first started actively repressing news of the stereoscopic newspaper in 1743.

Your friend in science,
Cheeseburger Brown

more than 3 years ago

US Government Strategy To Prevent Leaks Is Leaked

CheeseburgerBrown I Wouldn't Worry (336 comments)

I'm sure that if anyone were falsely accused of being a leaker, they would no doubt have swift access to just recourse. This is the West, after all.

If someone ends up in a such a situation and reports the contrary, their testimony is likely tainted because they are a dirty rotten leaker.

Ultimately, we are all safer somehow.

about 4 years ago

Novelist Blames Piracy On Open Source Culture

CheeseburgerBrown Novelists as Experts (494 comments)

Novelists can't be trusted. It's always a story with those guys. Like Al Gore and his triffids, or Michael Crichton's genetic engineering alarmism -- nothing to see here. Pure fabrication. I'm pretty sure if we want to know the truth about piracy we have to dig really deep into the back part of the Bible...somewhere between Muhammed and the passages about Neo.

about 5 years ago

Computer For a Child?

CheeseburgerBrown My Kids Use a Specially Tarded Up White MacBook (556 comments)

My kids, 6 and 3, use a hand-me-down white MacBook. The machine has been tarded up appropriately to stop them from breaking things (Simple Finder, Parental Control locks on Safari for whitelisted sites only, no IM, admin password unknown to children required to change any setting).

They are not allowed to eat or drink while at the computer, and the computer is not to be moved from its desk.

Within these constraints, they have a ball. The machine is loaded up with all their favourite movies (one click on pictographic icon launches VLC in fullscreen mode), and the sites where they play games (TVOntario Kids, BBC Kids, etc.) are bookmarked.

My 6 year old can videoconference with GTalk with my wife and I elsewhere in the house, but cannot initiate chats outside of the LAN. My 3 year old hasn't quite got the hang of negotiating the necessary dialogue boxes yet, but he'll pick it up soon.

We haven't bought much in the way of educational software, since the process of separating the wheat from the chaff is too labour intensive (most of it sucks the proverbial wang). We make do with web sites (like I Love Bacteria) and educational Flash games.

Hope this helps!

more than 6 years ago

The Internet Is 'Built Wrong'

CheeseburgerBrown Many Organically Grown Systems Are Non-Optimal (452 comments)

Many systems that have grown in an organic or semi-organic fashion are non-optimal (like, for example, most people you know and every decision ever rendered by a committee).

With something as complex and "live" as the Internet, process is more important than paradigm: the real question is how to optimize from the current live state, rather than mumbling pointlessly about how it should've had better roots.

Shoulda but didna. So, let's move on.

Also, I tried to send this guy a tweet but all I got was a message saying, "I'm sorry, a problem has occured; please reload the page."


more than 6 years ago


CheeseburgerBrown hasn't submitted any stories.



Star Trek Nerds, Love & Death

CheeseburgerBrown CheeseburgerBrown writes  |  more than 7 years ago You'll never look at Star Trek nerds the same way again after reading my newest serialized novelette, Boldly Gone . New episodes posted three times each week -- stay tuned.

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