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Germany Plans Highway Test Track For Self-Driving Cars

DrunkenTerror I have a joke: (78 comments)

It's called the No-onebergring.

12 hours ago
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Scientists Determine New Way To Untangle Proteins By Unboiling an Egg

DrunkenTerror Re:Cryptography is lost (147 comments)

Pass the salt hash, brother.

yesterday
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Fark's Drew Curtis Running For Governor of Kentucky

DrunkenTerror Running Mate? (119 comments)

Who would you run alongside Drew Curtis? Maddox to bring the conservative gravitas or moot for his free speech credentials?

2 days ago
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Linus Fixes Kernel Regression Breaking Witcher 2

DrunkenTerror Re:Who cares? (123 comments)

*REAL* gamers emphasize false purity and always seek to exorcize the Other.

2 days ago
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Google Sees Biggest Search Traffic Drop Since 2009 As Yahoo Gains Ground

DrunkenTerror Thank the Mozilla Foundation (155 comments)

Thank you Mozilla!

about two weeks ago
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The Search For Starivores, Intelligent Life That Could Eat the Sun

DrunkenTerror I suggest... (300 comments)

"Stellar Dragon"

about three weeks ago
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Russian Hackers Stole Millions From Banks, ATMs

DrunkenTerror A Christmas Pony by Grr Raoul Leash (53 comments)

Everything was silent that Christmas Eve. Only the lightly falling snow
that decorated the landscape seemed to exhibit life. The children of the
Streamer family had gone to bed early in hopes that Santa would come. Tom
Streamer and his lovely wife Laura were snuggled in each other's arms,
anticipating the joyous laughter that soon will fill the Midwestern farmhouse
as it did each Christmas before. Laura was asleep but Tom was engrossed in
thought.

          Tom had promised himself that this year's drought and its devastating
effects on his family's income would not spoil this Christmas for his children.
But the lack of revenue made it impossible for him to buy the one thing his
children wanted so desperately: a pony. All Midwestern farm kids, except his,
had ponies to ride and Tom felt a sense of guilt not being able to afford one.

          Tom looked over towards Laura. He then realized he was a lucky man to
have such a beautiful and adoring family. His fifteen year old son, Jimmy, had
made All American in just his freshman year of high school. His thirteen year
old daughter, Amy, was fast becoming a remarkable woman.

          Without warning, Tom's thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash coming
from the roof of the two-story wood framed house. Startled, Laura woke to hear
the supports in the attic creak under the strain of something heavy.

          "What is it?" Laura asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

          "I don't know," Tom replied, moving quickly out of bed and putting on a
robe. "Let's find out."

          Laura followed Tom's lead while also slipping on a robe.

          As they scampered out of the master bedroom, they were greeted in the
hallway by Jimmy and Amy.

          "Is that Santa?" Amy asked.

          Jimmy said, "I don't think so, Amy. But I'm ready for anything."

          Tom and Laura laughed as Jimmy knifed his hands through the air. He was
taking Karate lessons at the local YMCA and was anxious to demonstrate his
newfound skill. Amy and Jimmy soon followed their parent's laughter with
snickers of their own.

          "Come on, 'Karate Kid.' Let's see what's going on," Tom said, grinning
while ruffling his right hand through Jimmy's thick curly hair.

          The family followed the creaking sound along the rafters.

          "It seems to be heading towards the chimney," Laura said perplexed.

          "It is Santa!" Amy exclaimed.

          "Don't jump to conclusions just yet young lady," Tom said with a fake
scowl on his face. "The fireplace is lit. Maybe it's an animal that got on
the roof from a nearby tree and wants to get close to the heat coming from the
chimney. It's cold outside you know."

          "By the sound of it, it's a pretty *BIG* animal don't you think, Dad?"
Jimmy went back to making Karate chops again.

          They huddled around the top of the staircase, crouching down to get the
full view of the roaring fire in the fireplace, wondering what the source of
the sound on the roof was going to do next.

          All of a sudden the fire in the fireplace blew out with a whooshing sound.
But just as suddenly, the fire roared back to life. The four of them gasped.
There, standing in front of the fireplace, was a very large man with a white
beard dressed in a red suit, wearing gloves and a cap and stroking the head of
a magnificent pony!

          "Ho ho ho," the jolly old man chuckled. "Wasn't that fun?" the man asked
the beast. The pony nodded his head up and down as if to agree.

          "That *IS* Santa," Tom whispered, bewildered.

          The four bodies at the top of the stairs stole quick glances at each other
then just as quickly returned their gaze towards the scene that was taking
place in the living room.

          "I'd better get you ready for the children," the jolly man said with a
twinkle in his eye. He moved without delay towards the far side of the
handsome animal and fell to his knees with a loud plop. The pony was parallel
to the fireplace and the big man was in between them. The reddish orange glow
cast forth from the flames complimented the rosy cheeks of the warm-hearted
man. The fire being near the floor illuminated the underside of the well
muscled beast. It was a stallion!

          Santa took off his gloves, neatly folded them together, then deposited
them in one of his coat pockets. He stroked his left hand lightly along the
backside of the pony's resilient ass muscles, periodically fingering the
steed's puckering asshole. He used his right hand to massage and knead the
pony's huge balls in small circles, like a skilled juggler handling a pair of
baseballs in one hand.

          "Ho ho! I see you trying to poke out," Santa said with a stout laugh. He
flicked his tongue around the inside of the ring of thick skin. The pony
raised his head and shook it from side to side causing his mane to wave
majestically as if flowing in an imaginary wind.

          "You love it, don't you boy?" Santa asked the pony. The pony responded by
popping the cockhead out through the first fold ring and telescoping the meaty
shaft another four inches.

          "A sex horse!" Laura whispered in subdued excitement.

          "Yeah! Just what I really wanted for Christmas," Jimmy mused without
realizing that he was thinking out loud.

          "You too?" Amy asked surprised.

          Tom looked at Laura. Stunned, they both looked at the two children. They
had discussed the topic of sex with their children but only on a basic level.
They were very pleased to learn that Amy and Jimmy had taken a healthy attitude
towards sex in general and towards sex with animals in particular.

          Tom and Laura confessed that they too wanted to have a sex horse. But
they were afraid of what the children might think if they'd ever found out.

          "Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I've wanted one for a couple of years now.
You see this won't go away half the time," Jimmy said pointing to the big lump
in his pajamas. "And you and Mom won't allow Amy or me to have human sex until
we're eighteen. I fully understand your reasons why. So that's when I came up
with the idea of having sex with animals. I can learn about sex, have a great
time at it, and won't get some girl pregnant!"

          "Me too!" chimed Amy. Amy blushed realizing not all of what Jimmy said
applied to her - that girls can't get girls pregnant. The others chuckled.
"You know what I mean. One of the girls at school has a pony that she fucks
with all the time and she doesn't worry about getting knocked up by the horse -
'cause animals can't get humans pregnant." Again Tom looked stunned at Laura.
But they shrugged their shoulders in unison. After all, Amy had become a
level-headed young woman and deserved the freedom to express herself in the way
she saw appropriate for the occasion.

          "Jimmy, are you disappointed that it's a male pony?" asked Tom.

          "Heck no, Dad. I'd love to suck on a cock just as well as fuck a pussy
any day."

          Again Tom looked at Laura. This time Laura turned the corners of her
mouth down in a matter-of-fact kind of expression. "My, how our children have
grown," she said then laughed.

          "Shhhhhhhhhhh," Tom whispered with his index finger sticking straight up
in front of his puckered lips. He couldn't hold back a chuckle himself.
"Let's watch."

          The pony's cock pulsed rhythmically up and down in unison with the
stallion's own heartbeat. The shaft grew thicker and stiffer with each passing
second.

          Tom was pleasantly surprised that the pony was well cared for. He knew
this by the way the sparkling glow of the fire reflected off the shaft of the
clean cock. If the cock weren't clean it wouldn't have been shiny.

          Santa removed his left hand from the stallion's flanks and scooted
sideways towards the pony's front legs. He took off his cap, stuffing it into
an empty pocket, and then positioned himself under the pony so that his back
was supported by the pony's front legs and the pony's cock was directly in
front of his face.

          "Ho ho ho," Santa bellowed, his mouth now the right size and shape to suck
the pony's cock deep inside. Santa moved his head and torso forward an inch or
two and stuffed the fist-sized tip of horsecock into his mouth. He slowly
continued his head and torso movement forward, pivoting at the waist. Inch
after solid inch of extremely thick horsecock continued its moist journey into
Santa's well-stretched mouth, the tip scraping his palate and flattening his
tongue. The family members choked as they saw all fifteen inches of horsecock
vanish into Santa's swelling mouth, throat and stomach! Santa's nose invaded
the space formed between the pony's abdomen and the cockshaft within the
sheath, the top of Santa's head tickling the pony's belly in the process.
Still breathing, Santa savored the uniquely animalistic aroma coming from
within the pony's sheath.

          The pony slowly exposed half of his spit-slickened love tube, then
abruptly jammed it all back in again. He repeated the action six more times
then left his sex weapon buried to the hilt on the last stroke.

          The pony's flanks quivered and his tail waved to and fro as the blissful
steed came violently, planting his scalding hot seed directly into Santa's
stomach. But Santa didn't want to drink all of the pony's horsecum, for he
knew that the family was watching him. He'd staged this exhibition especially
for their benefit. After all, he is Santa and Santa knows all!

          Santa tapped the pony on the knees and the pony instantly pulled his cock
out half way, the well lubricated shaft spasming with radiant energy. Santa
sat upright dislodging the stallion's cock from his mouth with a loud squishy
sound. The fist-sized tip, now free, flared to over five inches in diameter
while horsecum hosed Santa's face and beard.

          Eagerly, Santa drank the remainder of the stallion's cum. He held the
twitching piece of horseflesh as still as possible while directing the forceful
jets of tasty horsecum into his still-gaping mouth.

          When the last of the horsecum shot into Santa's mouth, Santa gulped it
down while smacking his lips several times. Santa worked the dripping horsecum
on his face into the exposed flesh. It gave his skin a healthy glow. The pony
again stood normally while the flared hood of his cock shrank and the shaft
drooped once more.

          Santa grabbed the rapidly deflating cock and licked it all over. He
turned and smiled as he looked up the stairs where the sexually electrified
Streamer family was watching.

          "Ho ho ho! Take very good care of my boy here! Merry sex-mas to you
all!" he boomed. The fire went out again for a brief moment and once more
re-ignited.

          Santa was gone but the magnificent steed remained, his head turned towards
the family. Tom, Laura, Jimmy and Amy each swore they saw a smile on that
pony's face!

Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications and Grr Raoul Leash.
All Rights Reserved. 12/01/1994-#295

about a month ago
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North Korea Denies Responsibility for Sony Attack, Warns Against Retaliation

DrunkenTerror Re:Incompetence vs Conspiracy (236 comments)

You have no fucking idea what you're talking about.

about a month ago
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Boeing and BlackBerry Making a Self-Destructing Phone

DrunkenTerror PHOOM (75 comments)

Finally I'll be able to get that o-bomb-a-phone that they're always talkin' 'bout on the talky radio.

about a month ago
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Apple and Samsung Already Working On A9 Processor

DrunkenTerror Made in America! (114 comments)

Designed in Germany by Indians for production in China by Koreans to be unpacked by Texans and purchased by Mexicans.

about a month and a half ago
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Amazon's Echo: a $200, Multi-Function, Audio-Centric Device

DrunkenTerror Re:All your data (and you) belong Amazon (129 comments)

I prefer to keep my always-on speaker in my pants pocket (except when I'm wearing girl glothes).

about 3 months ago
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Too Many Kids Quit Science Because They Don't Think They're Smart

DrunkenTerror Re: Pfft. (273 comments)

Hugs, AC! May you have a great tomorrow.

about 3 months ago
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Will HP's $200 Stream 11 Make People Forget About Chromebooks?

DrunkenTerror E'rethin' Old is New Again (232 comments)

posted from my Celery 900MHz "netbook"

about 3 months ago
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Suspected Ebola carriers in the U.S. ...

DrunkenTerror 5000 Dead So Far (349 comments)

n/t

about 3 months ago

Submissions

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AnandTech bought by Purch, same owner as Tom's Hardware

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  about a month ago

DrunkenTerror (561616) writes "Following founder Anand Lal Shimpi's departure a few months back, seminal tech site AnandTech has been bought by Purch, the same company that owns their 1990s era competitor, Tom's Hardware. Long-time readers shouldn't worry, however, since "AnandTech and Tom’s Hardware remain editorially independent, and though no longer competitors, the goal is to learn from one another. ""

Journals

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PreacherTom is an Astroturfer

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  more than 8 years ago PreacherTom is an astroturfer for BusinessWeek magazine. Look at the URL in this recent Slashdot story and notice the campaign_id string. Now look at his user page. Scroll down to the submissions section. Notice how almost every one is a link to a BusinessWeek.com article containing the campaign_id string. Now look at the search results for "campaign_id preachertom". He's been pulling this shit on slashdot, digg, Fark, MetaFilter, and who knows where else. Check out this MetaTalk thread for the initial discovery.

Spread the word, perhaps?

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The autoban script sucks

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  more than 8 years ago Hey folks, just throwing this up to let yall know I can't reply to anyone in that mousepad thread. Apparently I'm down to 1 post allowed per day, so that was it. All I can do is write journal entries now, can't even reply to comments in those. Thanks for playing!

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Oblig CSS Bitching

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  more than 8 years ago Gah, ok, I gave it more that a fair shot, IMO, and yep, this new layout is terrible. It makes me feel even more colorblind that I already am. Wow, thanks, slashdot. You picked the one shade of green that I see as gray, and then slathered various shades of gray around that. Fucking brilliant. I can't tell what's green and gray anymore, and it makes me want to throw up. Anyone got a graph showing a decline in traffic after the switch? Comment volumes decreasing perhaps? This theme is terrible, horrid, and disgusting.

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Not seen on Slashdot

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  more than 9 years ago Forbes is running an interesting article about /. parent, VA Software, and how they use the term "open source" purely for marketing. Why won't VA open-source it's main product? "Our own code could be used to compete against us," according to Colin Bodell, chief technology officer at VA Software. The article also contians some choice RMS action, urging us "cyber Che Guevaras ... to do the right thing"?

I knew /. was evil, but this article brings up some things I was ignorant of.

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WHY DON'T YOU GET A FUCKING JOB, BEGGAR?

DrunkenTerror DrunkenTerror writes  |  more than 9 years ago Starting now, I'm foeing every motherfucker who begs shit from me. You have been notified.

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