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CollegeLinux Released to the Public

Metrollica FP (281 comments)

I've gone away and came back with a first post

more than 11 years ago


Metrollica hasn't submitted any stories.



...and now you got gaping anus in the face [more updates]

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

The site that was Goatsed went down as Forged reports. Whether or not it was because of the flooding I am not sure.

So far the Goatse poster has received 2 IP bans. The webmaster has removed more than 50 offensive images. Has disabled the posting of images and has required the logging in to post comments.

As one user of the forums has put it: it sure is difficult to post comments while looking at that image.

Compared to Slashdot, those forums are easily crapfloodable. No lameness filters of any kind as far as I can tell. The ultimate post would combine width, length, and some of this.


Trolling Tips

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Credit goes to the AC who first posted this during the blackout.

This FAQ is designed to give tips on trolling on Slashdot, created in celebration of Blackout Week. It is dedicated to all hard-working trolls and crapflooders.

What are some good trolling tips?
Trolling is all about making people think you care, and so winding up those who care for real. Think of it like shooting a deer in front of an anti-hunt protester, or eating a Big Mac in front of a vegan. Here are some ideas for making your troll work:

  1. To start off, make sure your post gets noticed -- log in, post early (after 50 +1 comments have been posted to an article, forget it), and make sure to use your +1 bonus.
  2. Ensure your posting history doesn't show a history of dubious posts. Some advise (incorrectly) to stagger your trolls, but this is in fact time wasting and only helps Slashdot in the long run. If you have a doubt, just create a new account, or even post anonymous -- an effective troll, posted early enough, will gain a +1 quickly.
  3. Learn from the marketing droids -- a mixture of truth and lies leaves the potential client without a clue as to which is which. Geeks smell pure bullshit, because it reminds them of their bedroom smell (see also "karma whoring" below).
  4. Follow up. Keep a window open on your troll, and reload to see if people bite. Perhaps post an AC reply agreeing or disagreeing with your own post. Reply to later posts referring to your earlier post to back up your point.
  5. If you get a dreaded (-1, Troll), don't be ashamed to post the well-known, "Mods on Crack!" rant. Explain, rationally, and not as yourself why you agree with the original post, and why it's a fair point.

How do I crapflood?
A crapflood is an (intentionally) content-free post. Here are some suggestions for the source of your crapflood -- remember to take care with repetition, odd characters, or repetition, to get past the lameness filter:

  1. your local dictionary file, e.g. /usr/share/dict/words on BSDs
  2. your local real names file, e.g. /usr/share/dict/propernames on BSDs
  3. a copy-paste part of a web page (for extra amusement, copy-paste from Slashdot itself)
  4. a UU-encoded newsgroup file
  5. some output from a lorem ipsum generator
  6. examples of your latest spams, particularly those in Korean
  7. allowing your cat to walk across the keyboard for a few minutes.

How do I widen pages?
A method is known and delivered to us by the beautiful ;Klerck which currently works in Internet Explorer alone. This will therefore ruin the browsing experience of by far the majority of Slashdot readers. Start with the text:

http://www.eveeieyhfgfcdoosammgwsnboivvbsczxlzgabc /

then repeat /ooieiabdcdjsvbkeldfogjhiyeeejkagclmieooionoepdk /

several times, remembering to avoid the compression filter trap by using different random characters.

How do I karma whore?
"Karma whoring" is the practice of gaining moderation points for their own sake. It is particularly useful in techniques for defeating the moderation system. Some tips for karma whoring are:

  1. If the site containing the actual article is not on a fast server (i.e. is not a "big site"), re-post the article with subject, "the article -- in case the site gets slashdotted". Make sure this comes as early as possible in the list of comments, to avoid the dreaded (-1, Redundant).
  2. If any article pops up on Microsoft, write a stock two paragraphs explaining why Microsoft is immoral, and why the event described cannot happen with Free Software. I shall not supply text, because tests have shown that moderators are not completely stupid, and can identify duplicate posts (this is actually helpful in defeating the moderation system, see below).
  3. For any article discussing a particular company, state that you worked there, and offer your "inside knowledge". Note that geeks do visit Slashdot, so do not fall into the trap of being too obvious a fraud -- a mistake made by such amateur trolls as PhysicsGenius, who must now suffer a life of instant down-modding.

The moderation system is far from flawless. Here are some ways to devalue it:

  1. If you have moderator points, for goodness sake abuse them! How about moderating up a First Post, a crapflood, or best of all, this very FAQ? It would be a crime to allow such an easily abused system to work.
  2. Copy the text of another person's post, and paste it as a reply to an earlier post. Most people read oldest messages first, so they will consider yours to be the first message, and the later message to be "redundant". This is great for annoying karma whores.
  3. Vote Troll posts as "underrated", thus increasing their exposure without running the risk of having your moderation rights revoked.

How do I defeat authentication?
Don't. The FBI will arrest you for being a terrorist. Instead, make an authoritative nick like CmdrTaco (editor). The majority of people are easily fooled, and will be likely to take notice of and respond to your post, and even moderate it up. Think of it like Lunix Turvalds walking into the room -- people listen to what he has to say, and don't dare disagree.

How do I defeat the goatse link early warning system?
Simple -- use one of the many foolishly implemented redirector URLs hosted on well-known sites. Here's an innocuous recent example which pretends to link to the highly informative about.com, but in fact links to a site of the popular 90's lesbian band The Spice Girls: Informative link which will get me karma [about.com]

What are some excellent sites to sneakily link to?
Mostly, you should link to gay porn. If you are reading this FAQ, you already know the URLs, so I don't need to supply them, except to say that it's almost an initiation ceremony in Slashdot trolling to link to goatse [goatse.cx].


How do I justify the existence of this FAQ?
Slashdot is full of people who support unlicensed weapons ownership and dissemination of bomb creation documents -- in short, they support freedom, even when that freedom could cause harm. This document should be considered as that very freedom in action. Indeed, to disparage or moderate down this document would be un-American, and the FBI are likely to arrest you for being a terrorist.

How do I add to or change this FAQ?
Simply re-post the FAQ on Slashdot, adding an appropriate question, and incrementing the version number by 1. Before doing so, please try to ensure you have the latest version, and remember to keep this post W3C compliant!


Things to do

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

1. Eat ice cream cone in front of crying kids.

2. Eat sandwich in front of homeless man.

3. Drink entire six-pack in front of AA graduates.


...and now you got gaping anus in the face [updates]

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Updates: 1 2 3

Next I foresee page lengthening/widening...


...and now you got gaping anus in the face

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

"Someone" flooded this forum with a shitload of porn. But what did they expect letting anyone freely post anything they want without "lameness" filters? And how can what the crapflooder did be any worse than what the Kazaa-Lite creator and users are doing?


Maximum Comments Exceeded!

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

You've reached your maximum number of comments you can post: 30 comments over 4 hours.
If this error seems to be incorrect, please provide the following in your report to
Browser type
User ID/Nickname or AC
What steps caused this error
Whether you used the Back button on your browser
Whether or not you know your ISP to be using a proxy,
  or any sort of service that gives you an IP that others
  are using simultaneously
How many posts to this form you successfully submitted
  during the day
* Please choose 'formkeys' for the category!
Thank you.


Things to do

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

1. Rent movie about mean headmaster spanking bare bottoms of naughty boys at private Britain school.

2. See doctor. Get arm up ass surgically removed.


Megadeth has Disbanded

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

As many of you already know, Megadeth has disbanded due to an arm injury by Dave Mustaine. Megadeth's last released work, Rude Awakening is a live 2 cd set that traces their career. I highly recommend adding it to your music library.

04/03/02 : In a startling revelation, Dave Mustaine has announced his departure from the band and thus the dissolution of Megadeth after a near-20 year career. The triggering event was an arm injury suffered in January, forcing him to stop guitar playing for an extended period and reassess his and the band's current situation. In the short term he plans to spend more time with his family and possibly work with some other bands in a non-playing capacity down the line.

The official press release from Megadeth.com:



During the first week of January, 2002, while Megadeth was on hiatus, in Texas, I suffered an injury which caused severe nerve damage to my left arm and hand. It was diagnosed as Radial Neuropathy - specifically, a "compressed radial nerve." My doctors tell me it will take about a year to make as complete a recovery as I can, and even then, we don't know how complete that is going to be. I am working hard with a great team of doctors and physical therapists daily, and God willing, someday I hope to play guitar again.

In the meantime, while I work on rebuilding my arm, I will take this opportunity to reappraise my career and my future. For the time being I have decided to exit Megadeth, and explore other areas of the music business where I might make a contribution without being able to play my instrument.

I have had a terrific time singing and playing for you while I was in Megadeth. I am truly grateful for all of the numerous Gold, Platinum, and Multi-Platinum Records I have been awarded, as well as the many International Record Awards. And I can never thank you, our fans past and present, enough for your loyalty and affection over the years.

My immediate goals now are to do what I can to make something good come out of this terrible situation. First and foremost, I want to use this opportunity to devote more time, energy and attention to my wife Pam and my two children, Justis and Electra. Pam has done a wonderful job carrying the load while I was a long-distance husband and father in the studio or criss-crossing the world on tour, but in terms of being a Gold or Platinum parent, I have a long way to go, and I'm eager to get started.

In closing I would like to depart with the beautiful French words I wrote on the record 'Youthanasia': "A tout le monde, a tous mes amis, Je vous aime, Je dois partir." (To all the world, to all my friends. I love you, I have to leave)

Dave Mustaine April, 3rd, 2002
Megadeth's career has been one of the most spectacular and musically innovative in the history of heavy metal. For nearly 20 years, U.S.-based Megadeth soldiered on under the extraordinary vision of founder, vocalist, lead guitarist and principal songwriter Dave Mustaine. Most recently, the achievements of Mustaine, bass guitarist David Ellefson, lead guitarist Al Pitrelli and drummer Jimmy DeGrasso have occurred as an integral part of the Sanctuary Records Group Roster. For the past two years, Megadeth has undertaken a grueling, worldwide tour and promotion schedule.

2001's 'The World Needs a Hero' was Megadeth's Sanctuary Records debut, and it marked a bold return to the band's powerful style after a few albums of controversial experimentation. The successful world tour generated Megadeth's first-ever live album; the double live CD 'Rude Awakening' was just released on March 19, 2002, and the accompanying DVD and VHS home video hits store shelves on April 9, 2002. Both the 'Rude Awakening' CD and DVD include 24 songs spanning Megadeth's entire career, including everything from classics like "Hangar 18" and "Symphony of Destruction" to 'The World Needs a Hero' highlights like "Dread and the Fugitive Mind" and "Burning Bridges." Last year, Megadeth was the subject of an episode of VH1's enormously popular

"Behind the Music" series, and an expanded edition with more than one hour of bonus footage was released on DVD and VHS. "Behind the Music" examined Mustaine's well-documented drug addiction, which he ultimately beat.

Mustaine formed Megadeth in 1983, after he was fired from Metallica. This would have been a setback for most people, but not Mustaine. He was determined to start his own group. The music would be uncompromisingly heavy with intricately precise guitar lines, and the lyrics would take an unflinching look at serious subjects like the dark side of humanity and politics.

Megadeth's impressive discography follows:
1985 - Killing Is My Business ... And Business Is Good!
1986 - Peace Sells ... But Who's Buying?
1988 - So Far, So Good ... So What?
1990 - Rust In Peace
1992 - Countdown To Extinction (reached # 2 on the Billboard album charts)
1994 - Youthanasia
1995 - Hidden Treasures (songs collected from soundtracks and tribute albums)
1997 - Cryptic Writings
1999 - Risk
2000 - Capitol Punishment: The Megadeth Years (greatest hits)
2001 - The World Needs A Hero
2002 - Killing Is My Business ... And Business Is Good! (remixed/expanded)
2002 - Rude Awakening (live)

Megadeth alumni include lead guitarists Chris Poland, Jeff Young and Marty Friedman and drummers Gar Samuelson (who has since passed away), Chuck Behler and Nick Menza.

The musical legacy Megadeth has left behind is impressive. Even mainstream music critics couldn't deny the quality of Megadeth's output, and this respect resulted in seven Grammy Award nominations for Best Metal Performance between 1990 and 1997.

These Grammy nominations include:
1990 - Rust In Peace
1991 - "Hangar 18" (track from Rust In Peace)
1992 - Countdown To Extinction
1993 - "Angry Again" (track from 'Last Action Hero' soundtrack)
1994 - "99 Ways To Die" (track from 'The Beavis and Butt-head Experience')
1995 - "Paranoid" (track from 'Nativity In Black - A Tribute To Black Sabbath')
1997 - "Trust" (track from Cryptic Writings)

For lovers of heavy metal worldwide, the demise of Megadeth is sad, but they will have nearly two decades worth of music to enjoy for the rest of their lives, and future generations of music fans not yet born will experience the thrill of discovering Megadeth.



Moderated down 12 fucking times in a row

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Could it be my homepage?
Or how about my sig? Having a lameness filter on Slashdot is like having a shit filter on your ass.
I am thinking it is because I have been trolling offensive and annoying shit at +1 lately.

I'm still in the positive, but need your help. Mod me up!

* Moderation of "Re:Will Do" Tuesday March 05, @04:39PM

* Moderation of "Chinese racial slurs" Tuesday March 05, @04:40PM

* Moderation of "Re:Will Do" Tuesday March 05, @04:40PM

* Moderation of "Re:First Radioactive Man Post" Tuesday March 05, @04:41PM

* Moderation of "Re:First Radioactive Man Post" Tuesday March 05, @04:42PM

* Moderation of "Re:First Radioactive Man Post" Tuesday March 05, @04:42PM

* Moderation of "Re:FP!!!!" Tuesday March 05, @04:43PM

* Moderation of "Re:FP!!!!" Tuesday March 05, @04:43PM

* Moderation of "France" Tuesday March 05, @04:43PM

* Moderation of "Drugs" Tuesday March 05, @04:44PM

* Moderation of "It's all about the drugs" Tuesday March 05, @04:44PM

* Moderation of "Re:K12Linux LTSP" Tuesday March 05, @04:44PM

* Reply to "Chinese racial slurs" by ArchieBunker Tuesday March 05, @04:45PM

ArchieBunker, are you involved?


Kathleen Fent

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

She has nice, pipe-fitter lips. No disrespect, but trust me, my boy. There's two things I'm good at. That's pulling dents, and spottin' good blow jobs. And that sweetie has world-class blow job lips. Am I right, skipper?

I remember every blow job I ever got. How about you, you remember your first blow job? How long did it take for the guy to cum?! Did ya hear that? I said, "You remember your first blow job" you say, "Yeah." I said, "How long did it take for the guy to cum?"


Interview with the Goatse Guy

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Metrollica: When did you first realize that your ass could be the source of pleasure?

Goatse Guy: While watching porno films I saw women getting dick in their ass all the time and they seemed to like it a lot, so I thought I'd give it a try.

Metrollica: What was it like the first time you stuck anything in your ass?

Goatse Guy: I was about twenty at the time the first time I tried it. The first time -- actually most of the first year -- I took no pleasure from it. But, I knew that the porn stars seemed to enjoy it, so I stuck at it and grew to love it as well.

Metrollica: Why did you start putting larger objects in?

Goatse Guy: I saw gay films where men who were taking whole arms up their ass were getting pleasure from it. I learned to take pleasure from stretching my ass, and the wider I opened it, the more pleasure I took.

Metrollica: How quickly were you able to move up to bigger items? Do you have a training regime?

Goatse Guy: It took me about two years to be able to take a wine bottle, and four years to take a 32cm ball. Recently I've been able to take a big ball, much bigger than the bottle. To pass that level I had to first train my ass with bigger bottles, like 1.5L pop bottles. There were a number of painful sessions with a lot of blood and ass-hurt for about four days after each session.

Because I am not comfortable writing in English, I will tell you my personal method in French.

Metrollica: Thanks, I'll do my best to translate it for the readers.

Goatse Guy: When I first started, I was using small bottles of shampoo. After that, I tried small apples, and then bigger ones. At this point I'd put a year of stretching in, and bought myself a large dildo.

My method was to dilate my ass as often as I could -- every day, even if just for a short while. Before starting it's important to use a large dildo; use it to both warm up and clean your ass, so make sure you stick it up all the way. When you find that you can take this large dildo without any work-up or preparation, then you know that you're ready to take it to the next step.

Then, in each session, to get your bottom prepared, put in a big cucumber. Soon you'll arrive at a point where even the biggest cucumbers you can buy at the grocery fit easily in your ass. Now you're ready to get serious. Buy a small Coke bottle, and use that in your ass. When that passes in and out easily, move on to bottles of wine. Once you can take wine bottles easily, you can move on to even bigger things.

If at this point you're having trouble with the 1.5L Coke bottle (just try not to force it out because the bottle is very hard), you can also have slower stretching fun with candles. Try putting them in one by one and seeing how many you can fit in -- at this time I was putting in about fifteen at the same time. The candles are great because they allow your anus to stretch very slowly.

Once the 1.5L Coke bottle can enter your ass, train every day or two (use a large dildo first, then the bottle every session). Most of the time I use Vaseline, but don't do what I do in this case. I think that the best lubricants are the ones you can buy for this in a sex shop.

When the 1.5L bottle is passing easily, go out and buy plastic balls that start at a diameter a little bigger than the bottle. Play with those, and with time, and a little luck, you'll arrive at my level too. (Don't feel bad if you're just beginning -- when I first started, I could barely shove a finger in my ass).

What I'm going to tell you now is very important if you plan on doing extreme sessions and taking large gauge. Do not bandage your ass. Do not tighten your buttocks. Try not to get an erecection -- you want the blood to be in your ass lips, not in your cock. It's not easy, but it's important that you think of nothing and empty your mind. It's absolutely necessary that you concentrate on your breathing. Don't think of the pain; know that it will pass. The real secret though is to breath -- and remember, without the pain, it's IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE THE BIG ONES!

Metrollica: What does it feel like? Is it sort of like getting fucked by a really well hung guy?

Goatse Guy: I want to make it very clear that I'm not gay -- I LOVE WOMEN!

Metrollica: I'm sorry -- I imagine people must make this mistake all the time?

Goatse Guy: All the time, yes. Frankly I'm getting fed up with it.

Metrollica: But you didn't tell me you'd gotten the idea for the bigger play from watching gay porn?

Goatse Guy: Yes, but the gay aspect never aroused me -- just the ass part. The films only helped show me that men enjoyed anal play as much as the women did.

I just want to find a woman who wants to play fisting with me (to fist me, or to let me fist her). I'm searching for one or two or more women to join me in my play -- I want them to stretch my ass with four hands at the same time while my body is supported. If there are any French women reading this, please write me -- it's my dream to do this performance.

Back to your earlier question, playing with a very large object feels a lot like having to take a shit very urgently. Even though you feel like you need to shit, that's just your imagination, and you can get extreme enjoyment with your ass so full.

;Metrollica: Do you like the way your ass looks when it's all purple and blown out?

Goatse Guy: Not at all, I prefer it when my ass accepts the stretching without any damage.

Metrollica: Have you ever bled from the bigger objects?

Metrollica: So... how big do you think you can go?

Goatse Guy: I'm looking for a bigger ball right now. I want to push my stretching as far as my body can physically support. I go slow though, because I never use drugs or anesthetics of any kind; I prefer feeling all the pleasure and the pain!

Metrollica: What's the difference between pleasure and pain?

Goatse Guy: When I reach the limits of stretching, the pleasure and pain merge into the same feeling -- the pleasure this brings is amazing! Just two days ago I managed to put in a ball 37cm around (that's almost 15"). The feeling of pushing that out of my ass was indescribably pleasurable. Next time I do that I'm going to be sure to video tape it -- I'm sure I could probably even make money with that one!

Metrollica: What are some of the objects you've stuck up your ass?

Goatse Guy: I've stuck up two big cucumbers at the same time, 1.5L and 2L Coke bottles, balls of all sizes, every size of wine bottle, lots of big butt plugs, etc.

I had a lot of trouble taking the 2L bottle because it doesn't fit in the ass gently. I can take a bigger ball, but a big rubber ball deforms to fit the shape of the ass -- it doesn't get smaller, but it's an easier fit.

Metrollica: After a session, how long does it take for your ass to go back to normal?

Goatse Guy: Just five or six hours usually.

Metrollica: Does it hurt afterwards?

Goatse Guy: No, not at all, but for the next few hours I can feel the ass's big lips.

Metrollica: Are there permanent effects?

Goatse Guy: Yes -- my ass is bigger than ever!!!

Metrollica: Do you need to wear a diaper? Does everything still work?

Goatse Guy: I'm not a baby!!! Everything is normal for me. All of the "anal destruction" I've done was done by me with care, and my ass is as normal as yours is... Although sometimes when I'm taking a crap it's huge because I've now got the capacity to really stock up. My digestion is trouble free though, and I've had no problems at all.

Metrollica: What sorts of emails do you get from your fans?

Goatse Guy: Well, I don't know that many people online, but mostly admiration, asking for advice, and I've met a few other ass stretchers who've sent me pictures of their stretching.

Metrollica: If someone wants to starting putting bigger things up their ass, how should they get started?

Goatse Guy: Take it slow. Start with little toys, and take your time growing your ass.

Metrollica: Have you told any of your friends or sex partners about your ass play?

Goatse Guy: Oh, no! Up until now it's been TOP SECRET!


How do you torture an Open Source Linux Zealot?

Metrollica Metrollica writes  |  more than 12 years ago

I was just wondering how exactly do you go about torturing an Open Source Linux Zealot so I made a short list. Tell me more to add.

Installing a non-free/non-open-source operating system on their computer while they are held down struggling to break free of you and your random taser zaps.

Achieve a high score in KDE's kMines game by editing the prefs file instead of actually playing.

Spraypaint "NOT" beside the already spraypainted words of "Linus is God" on the side of their Mazda pickup.

Convince their mother to switch from Mac OS X to an Aqua themed Windows XP desktop.

Give away all their Think Geek clothing to homeless people who know nothing of computers, let alone open-source software and Linux.

Insert page lengthening characters in all their source code files.

Send important emails to them, but only in the attached proprietary Microsoft Word files loaded with many macros.

Troll Slashdot and create enemies with their 1337 user ID below 1000 account with 50 karma.

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