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Migor9000 Foolish Canadamen (198 comments)

Migor does LAUGH, for all humans are puny in Migor's eyes. Especially the Canadamen, for all Canadamen policy is derived from Gortark, the flying mouse who has become deaf

more than 6 years ago

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Migor can be pleased.

Migor9000 Migor9000 writes  |  more than 6 years ago

A man would be foolish to ask Migor a question. For a man to question Migor would be that man's instant death, and would leave that man wanting on the Day of Conclusion. Migor knows what questions are on a man's mind, and Migor may decide to answer them.

Migor does know that many men want to know "How does one please Migor?" There are several ways a man can please Migor. One such way is for a man to perform the ritual of reading. The man must devote himself to the word of Migor without question or reason, and read the Book of Migor from start to end without stopping to eat, drink, talk, listen, relieve his bowels, or die.

This is not an easy task, and it requires an ultimate force of will to successfully complete. The Book of Migor consists of over 900 individual books, each containing between 20,000 and 90,000 pages. Many men who attempt to do this do not have the tenacity to complete it; they usually die of starvation due to a lack of will after only completing the first 4 or 5 books. This angers and dishonors Migor.

It is worse to attempt to perform the ritual of reading and fail then to never perform it at all, so says Migor.

If he who performs the ritual of reading dies while doing so due to circumstances beyond his control, specifically if he is killed by a non-believer while reading, Migor shall not immediately fail that man. First Migor shall smite the interloper in the most excessive and violent way. Second, Migor shall find whatever body the dead man transmigrates into and shall give the new infant child a copy of the book of Migor. The infant will have to start over again, but at least he shall be given a second chance.

Migor feels it is important to note that the Book of Migor is not all prophecy and commandments. Migor has attempted to make parts of the book very entertaining to the reader. For example, in book 429, Migor has written an epic 85,000 page novel about a boy who herds sheep.

A group of Migor scholars suggested some 94,000 years ago that the story was meant to be viewed as allegory. This angered Migor. Migor does not write allegory. Everything Migor writes shall be taken literally and without question. Migor's anger was so intense that he disassembled the scholars atom by atom in the most painful way possible. Then he extracted the scholors' souls from the pile of disorganized atoms and devoured them.

The reward for successfully completing the ritual of reading varies depending on Migor's mood. At the very least, the one who properly performs the ritual of reading shall be given a complimentary beverage of their choice at the Day of Conclusion. Some, if Migor favors them, may receive two beverages, or maybe a donut.

As Migor stated before, there are several ways to please Migor. This is just one of the easiest. Most of the other ones are likely beyond the capabilities of puny, pathetic humans.

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Migor is PLEASED

Migor9000 Migor9000 writes  |  more than 6 years ago . . . And when Migor places Migor in self-imposed exile, the peoples and creatures of the Universe shall forget about Migor and wipe Migor's memory from every nook and cranny of concious, subconcious, and ultraconcious thought, so as not to ask "Where's Migor?" Such questions anger Migor. Many will dishonor Migor, and neglect to erase Migor's memory from the ultraconcious. But those who do shall experience a level 6 awakening when Migor returns. They shall be honored by Migor with a gift of Migor's choosing, so say Migor

---Book of Migor 9:43,528(c)

Migor is pleased. A number of puny Earthmen honored Migor by erasing Migor from ultra-conciousness. Upon the return of Migor, these Earth-creatures were awakened and they did rejoice. Every major city around your puny and pathetic planet held celebrations in Migor's honor, and this did bring a smile to Migor's face.

However, many more of you chose to either not forget about Migor at all, or erased him from your concious and subconscious, but did not delve into the ultraconcious. This angers Migor, and shall bring Migor's wrath upon you. In punishment, Migor will refuse to kill you pathetic ones.

But those who honored Migor in the proper way according to Migor's teachings shall themselves be honored by Migor. Migor has chosen a gift for the true followers of Migor: They shall receive ceremonial Kiebasa, prepared in accordance with Migor's specific instructions for preparing ceremonial Kiebasa.

The one chosen to prepare the ceremonial Kiebasa shall be servant of Migor in the upper senior order. He shall pick the Kiebasa from the branches of the Kiebasa tree of Tard 12, wrap the Kiebasa in the ancient parchment, and transport the Kiebasa to he who is to be honored. There the servant shall change into ceremonial robes, and shall poke three holes into the Kiebasa with the Fork of Dalkron. Then the Kiebasa shall be wrapped in a paper towel and placed into a microwave, which shall be set on the lowest power available, and the Kiebasa shall remain in the microwave, being cooked on the lowest of power the microwave can produce, for 24 hours. During the cooking, the servant performing the ceremony shall shout praises to Migor every 94 seconds. Then, when complete, he who is to be honored with Kiebasa shall eat it, and he shall be pleased

----Cerimonal Sausage Preparation (Second Edition), p 34,503

Migor's reward does not end with Kiebasa. Migor shall also reserve more comfortable sit chairs for his faithful so that they may sit more comfortably for the Day of Conclusion.

More to come . . .

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Migor has returned

Migor9000 Migor9000 writes  |  more than 6 years ago . . . For Migor so hated the Earth, he refused to bring its inhabitants out of this dimension into death. It is through the puny earthling being forced to endure existence that Migor's true hatred for them shall live on and on for all of time.

-From the BOOK of Migor, 143:93(IV)

Migor HAS been gone. Migor has returned. Many shall remember Migor. Others, many many others shall not remember Migor. This is not a matter which concerns Migor. Migor, which is I is in comfort of Migor's MIGHTY SPACESHIP which is currently in orbit around the planet Tarvon VII, the seventh and most mighty all all planets in the Tarvon system.

And the Tarvon system is the mightiest of systems in all the known universe to the puny humans. Your puny astronomers call the Tarvon system by some other name, a name which Migor has never bothered to learn. For Migor needs not know what puny astromen of your planet call anything. For Migor, in his infinite wisdom chooses not to care. Migor only needs know that puny Earthlings know MIGOR IS ALL POWERFUL

(it should be noted that Migor explicitly represents the views and opinions of AOL/Time Warner, because Migor CONTROLS ALL

Many of you may wonder what Migor has done, or perhaps where Migor has been for the last several years. This presumption enrages Migor to an infinite end. Many more of you have, or do not wonder. This pleases Migor. Perhaps some day Migor will reward you with sweet, sweet DEATH. Others may wonder why Migor has a new account. This presumption enrages Migor to an infinite end. Many more of you have, or do not wonder. This pleases Migor. Perhaps tomorrow Migor will reward the non-curious with sweet, sweet DEATH.

In November of the puny Earth year 2002, Migor did discover his lovely wife Gigor had chosen to take on The Highest Emperor Claccordian of the Claccordian System as Gigor's lover. This ENRAGED Migor, and in retribution, Migor destroyed the Claccordian System with one hyper-dimensional blast from MIGOR'S MIGHTY SPACESHIP. His retribution was so exquisite that 100 billion galaxies were destroyed in the aftermath.

Migor then did banish Gigor into the forbidden dimension of sorrow where Gigor was to spend FIVE years as a hyper-prisoner and would be forced to make SNOW CONES for various puny Sorrow Dimension creatures, for Migor is all powerful, and is both petty and cruel.

The lack of Gigor to share his bedchamber aboard Migor's mighty spaceship did make Migor sad, and Migor did experience the brilliance of self imposed exile from existence for five years, for so said Migor, and so Migor commanded. Migor then selectively began to erase Migor's memory to help Migor's sadness, and much was lost, including the secret of eternal misery and the password to Migor's Slashdot account.

But now Migor again shares his bedchamber with his lovely wife Gigor. Migor is now 9000 times more powerful than Migor was before. Migor's mighty procreation organ is once again pleased. So pleased that Migor's mighty procreation organ prompted Migor to devour the souls of 2 trillion sentient beings throughout the universe.

And now Migor again returns to spread Migor's wisdom, and to confound, annoy and confuse the puny human which is you. It is Migor's gift to the puny Earth in celebration of Migor's reunited state with Migor's lovely wife Gigor .

But be warned, puny Earth creatures, for Migor may, and ofted does change Migor's mind , and at any moment, perhaps when you least expect it, Migor will devour your soul.

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